avalunaaa

[avalunaaa]

Wednesday, 12:24 am Good afternoon darlings! My weekend was busy and eventful. I watched a movie with a close friend and had so much fun. It was such a good movie. Currently, Wednesday, I missed school. I feel so disappointed in myself. I actually woke up at 5:20 am and then went to sleep. But the concerning thing is, yesterday I slept the entire afternoon from 3:20 to 7pm and then ate dinner and slept back at 11 pm. I was so exhausted and i think I am coming down with a cold again. Ugh! i was going to take a holiday tomorrow because I have classes every Thursday morning for my entrance exam preparation but now, tomorrow is a hectic day because of my idiocy. I come from school at 1pm leave for Math class at 2pm which will last till 4pm and then straight to exam prep class which is from 4pm to 8pm. I have to come home and complete some work. Hectic right? But that's going to be punishment for missing school today. I've been toying with the idea of vlogging my days and I actually picked up my camera today just to see how it feels and it was actually fun. I will try it out for a couple of days before I actually make a vlog to post. What do you guys think?

[avalunaaa]

Monday, 11:47 pm

Good Evening my darlings! Girlies, I didn't go to school today because i was very exhausted. The whole week was very hectic. Classes. tests and mocks and just yeah. But the weekend was amazing and I had a lot of fun. I socialised and also gave an outside mock. I didn't score as much as i had expected but its fine. Today I completed 2 of my projects which i will submit tomorrow and I will start a new project this week which is due next week so i have this whole week to complete. But what i am planning is I will complete mostly everything before the next month which is in 3 days so that i can give a whole month to rigorous entrance exam preparation. I need to up my scores from now (65-70) to my desire results for the month (95-100). It will be pretty hard but I am willing to work hard for it. I have also 98% completed making the vogue birthday magazine for my friend. ITS GOING PRETTY WELL, I AM SO EXCITED FOR IT. So the next things I have to complete before the end of the month are: 1. Weekly magazines of May, June and July. I have already completed most of June magz. 2. business studies chapter- marketing. It'll mostly take me 3 days, 2 hours each because I write notes as well. 3. IED till unit 4. 4. Math ch1. 5. June and may monthly magazines. So yeah this week is going to be hectic as well. but I'll try my best as usually.

[avalunaaa]

Tuesday, 10:45 pm. Good evening my loves! Today, on the surface seems like a perfect day. I studied and completed all my goals. I exercised. Got a good score in my mock. School wasn't as shit as it always is. But it doesn't feel perfect? why don't I feel happy? Why am i not excited that i achieved all my goals today? It feels unusually empty- my heart. How do i interpret this feeling? I am very confused as you can read. I've been watching Gilmore Girls lately. Well rewatching it. Also my Mazzy Star obsession has been growing day by day. Is it because of the songs i've been listening to that I feel so gloomy? I got a 55.5/80 in my English unit test. Bad right. I hadn't studied anything and wrote the paper on a distant memory alone. But still I feel this huge lump is mu chest because I disappointed my teacher. She had high expectations of me and she told me that she had been shocked when checking my paper. It makes me want to cry. I have been disappointing a lot of people lately. My parents, my teachers, myself. I don't know what to do about it. I've cramped up and studied today. Even yesterday I studied, exercised and went on about my day and slept instead of staying up and studying at night like i was originally supposed to. I was extremely exhausted. I slept as soon as i hit the bed in a weird position not even on a pillow or a blanket. I cannot even identify what this feeling is. Loneliness? sadness? Will it go away? Should i just give in and wallow? I cannot speak to anyone about it because one- i should be able to handle my feelings. I know my own self i should be able to manage what i feel and separate them. Two- Everyone is going through the their own shit. I don't want to burden my friends. They're busy handling their own lives. Third- My family would just be like, "take a break." , "you should plan." This and that. They blame me instead for taking stress, for being depressed and staying in my room all day studying. Well I do not like going into my living room. The house that's supposed to be my home, a safe place, does not feel like it. It never has. Should i just cry and let it out and let it be? I don't want to cry. Its useless crying. I don't know why i keep crying. Even when I'm with my friends I feel alone. I miss them. And I miss myself. Why does it feel like I'm being fake and deceiving my friends. I do not have any choice other than pretending everything is great. What do i even have to be sad about? I myself do not know what I'm feeling how would I answer any questions about how I am other than saying that I am fine.

[avalunaaa]

Monday. 9:44 pm. Good Evening darlings'!! My week was good. Ups and downs are normal but relatively i felt so much better during the week and so much more energized. Well however much energy a person can have with cough and cold. Yes that was pure hell. My chest and lungs were TORTURED. Apart from a little cough and cold, i majorly stuck to my routine and My fun weekend plans motivated me a LOT. I had a housewarming party to go to on Saturday. I had been waiting for it for so long because I missed my friend a lot and finally got to see her. The house was amazing. It was so pretty i loved it. Especially her room. On Sunday, after an Important mock and classes (of which i bunked one cuz family law is shit) I went to a sleepover and had sooo much fun. We watched the movie meg, TALKED , baked brownies and stayed up on a school night which was fun. But consequences are a bitch. I did take a 40 minute nap in school today though so it wasn't as bad. And then after school, the same old thing. Lunch, classes and studying. Coffee makes everything better. It was a fun day. I know routine might seem boring but i like it. Its peaceful and calm and you just have to follow it. I like monochromatic days. Lately I've been listening to a lot of Mazzy star. I've come to adore her songs. This week is full of studying as well. I've to focus and keep my eyes on the prize. I believe i can do anything and that belief is keeping me on the track. My teachers seem to think that I am a student that should be in Top 5. But honestly, I know right now I am not living upto my capabilities and I really really want to. Studying is my only job and i wanna do it to the best of my abilities. AHAHAHHHHHH, sorry for yapping so much today loves. I hope i can motivate you guys for even an hour to stop procastinating and get to work. Trust me it might seem fun now but I know there's guilt eating you up inside and you should just get of the bed and start working cuz babes feelings follow actions not the other way around. You would not work because you feel like it, you will feel like working and studying when you start doing it without a second thought. Don't give your brain a chance to persuade you otherwise. All the best for the week.

[avalunaaa]

11:07 pm 14. July Monday Hello Darlingss! AH what do i even say about today. It was overwhelming. I achieved all my daily goals. I exercised and drank 2 Liters of water so that was a good thing. But other than my goals and discipline, everything is all over the place. I don't feel good today but I showed up for myself and I am honestly very proud. I woke up at 5:30 am and yeah Its not 5am but its still a step closer to my goals. I need to figure out what i need to do after waking up. I didn't have enough time to exercise today because i have to leave for school at 6:40 ish am, but then what do i do with the 30 mins? I have decided I will either read a book or maybe listen to some songs and stretch and get some energy, dance while getting ready and massage my face and stomach to debloat myself. Lets see how tomorrow goes. The main reason today was rough is because of my family. I am so done with the toxicity, i have made up my mind. I will be selfish and protect my mental peace instead of giving into them. I am seriously done this time. No amount of Crying or passive aggressiveness or blackmailing will change my mind I SWEAR TO GOD.

[avalunaaa]

9:15 pm. Friday. Good evening darlings! Today was such a chaotic day, but my fit was sexy which got me through the day. I felt extremely lethargic the whole day and it was so exhausting. I almost slept while my econ teacher kept on explaining a concept. I also ate an entire biscoff cheesecake jar all by myself and my god it was heavenly. Im still sleepy and tired but i will power through and do some sectionals before i sleep. i did not exercise today because my body hurt. I am recovering from a high fever. I ALMOST woke up at 5 am. I legit woke up and see i was dreaming about something really great, so i snoozed my alarm and went back to my dream because to me 'what better thing do i have to do except dreaming' and then SMILED and went back to sleep. I HAVE BEEN FEELING MORE TIRED EVER SINCE. UGH! what do you girlies do when you dread the day?

[avalunaaa]

HI MY DARLINGS! I know its been a while since i posted but my exam week was going on. They were sooo stressful. argh! finally over now and i'm gonna start posting consistently again. But this is my graduation year and i have to prepare for my boards and entrance exams so im fully slumped rn. but i am going to try and be as consistent as i can. studies was basically my whole week and im gonna get back on track. i exercised today. my core is on fire. and i drank 2 liters of water. ive also been taking supplements because ive been getting sick a lot. currently my goals for the month of july are: 1. PRODUCTIVITY. i wanna study a lot and ace my tests and overall syllabus completion. i wanna eat study sleep study and repeat. i am planning to study that intensively. 2. start running as a hobby cuz i enjoy it a lot. 3. my bestie's birthday is in august. im making a vogue magazine for her as a birthday gift. I REALLY HOPE TO GOD IT TURNS OUT AMAZINGLY IM SO EXCITED. 3. this sunday, im planning to go to a dance workshop with a friend. (yes girlies im a dancer) 4. eat healthier and take care of my health cuz getting sick hurts so bad. last and the MOST IMPORTANT ONE 5. increase my mock scores. do ANYTHING to increase them because they've been stagnant for months. i will be inhaling studying(if that makes sense). but yes studying studying and studying!

[avalunaaa]

[avalunaaa]

11:45 pm. Good evening my loves! Today was a rest day. I had a small fever but I'm fine now. I honestly wanted to workout but my body needed rest. it was a pretty chill day. I was all cozy and bundled up in my blanket till the afternoon. Watched a movie and had my matcha. I started studying in the evening with a buddy. Originally, i wasn't going to study and i didn't want to either. But then, I wanted to be consistent so i got my ass up. I studied pretty well and made cute notes of a chapter. I didn't eat as healthy today or wake up early. I DO NOT HEAR THE FREAKING ALARM!

[avalunaaa]

11:32 pm. Good evening my loves! Today was a chaotic day, but i pushed through. i am proud of myself again. I drank 2.5 liters of water, had breakfast and exercised despite being tired and sleepy. The weather was so perfect outside that i didn't even want to get out of bed today. i dragged myself out and i got sooo late. oof! I was busy in classes and completing work the whole day and i had an appointment which went on for an hour. it was an exhausting day, butttt, i met a friend and we went to our go-to pasta place. IT WAS PERFECT! I came back home made a matcha latte and immediately started studying, till like 10:20 pm. A stretch of almost 4 hours. I did a quick workout and now i'm preparing to sleep. The two tests i had today went okay-ish [bad]

I definitely could not finish all that i had to do today in terms of studying but it's fine. I will do it tomorrow. I'm not discouraged. I have started enjoying self study and exercising and its been fun being consistent and building discipline. i still cannot wake up at 5am but ill keep on trying.

[avalunaaa]

10:02 pm. Good evening my loves! Today has been such a pretty day. it has been raining here since morning. I love rain. A close friend of mine has always said "rain solves everything, Ava." it truly does! i cannot agree with it more. It's been such a productive day. I completed all my non negotiables today. Exercises[ I'll drop the link at the end ], drank 2 liters of water and had breakfast. unfortunately, i couldn't wake up early or spend time with myself, but we are not focusing on the negatives. I'll keep trying my best every single day to wake up at 5 AM. I look forward to spending some me time as I have been having pretty packed days. Today i also completed the majority of the work i had to do, and i studied for multiple tests. i feel pretty good. It was fun studying. Even on the boring subjects i did not fall asleep which is an accomplishment guys. SERIOUSLY! I have also been consistent with working out for about 2 weeks now and i truly have started enjoying them and looking forward to them. I am so proud of myself. Girlies if i can do it, so can you, cuz trust me i used to hate exercising or moving my body, AND NOW I LOOK FORWARD TO IT. WHAT?? CHARACTER GROWTH! what's your fav time of the year? mine is autumn🍂 https://youtu.be/uH0JkK2mcWQ?si=M-azfw9TzOzfOjSL 👆🏻15 minute abs.

[avalunaaa]

My name is Ava. i am going to be using this account as a personal digital diary to build my habits and discipline. i hope to inspire everyone to step into their dream selves.

My goals are: 💗wake up early. 5am. and spend time with myself. I wanna get ready for the long day ahead peacefully. 💗exercise regularly. 5 days a week at least. 💗drink 2 liters of water everyday. 💗read newspapers every day. 💗complete majority of my daily goals. 💗eat a little bit healthier.