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I’m thinking about writing a fic called “Happy Hands”

The stim that everyone’s latched onto in autistic!Edwin fics is him pressing his fists together, which is a, mm, type of stim that I recognize personally - it’s the type of stim that looks just normal enough it’s hard for people to punish you for it.

His hands get a little flappy a few times, but there’s a reason that people have latched onto the fist-pressing; it’s definitely what we see him do most often.

And, well, Edwin predates ABA and the Judge Rotenberg Center and the like, but people have been inventing on their own the concept of punishing autistic people for Acting Weird as long as weirdness has existed. I would be surprised if Edwin didn’t have his hands hit with rulers, tied down, etcetera, for flapping, or whatever other stim comes naturally to him.

So by the time he died, he would have been thoroughly trained into subtle, deniable stims, like the fist-pressing. And Hell, where any movement means pain, wouldn’t have helped. So when Charles meets him, he’s locked down; Quiet Hands through and through.

But 35 years with Charles, Charles who openly adores his every quirk, and I think he might have loosened up quite a bit.

(Edwin opens the present, and his eyes light up. He has no idea how Charles found this, let alone was able to afford it. His hands raise to his shoulders and start to vibrate before he realizes, as he’s filled with so much joy his body can’t hold it in, and -

Charles laughs, but it’s a delighted laugh, not a mocking one. “What’s that, mate?” he asks, eyes on Edwin’s happy hands.

Edwin is struck with horror. His hands freeze, then dive behind his back, the little protection he can give them. “I apologize, I didn’t mean to - ”

But Charles doesn’t look angry, doesn’t grab for his hands to punish them (of course he doesn’t, Edwin reminds himself, Charles would never hurt him), he just grins with unmalicious glee. “Nah, it’s great. I’ve never given a present so good it made somebody do jazz hands before.”

And then he changes the subject, talking about how he found the book until Edwin’s hands slowly creep back out from behind his back. Once they’re comfortably in front on him again, Charles brushes against them as he reaches for his own present, and when Charles opens it his own hands raise and shake, and it could be mocking so easily but it’s not. His grin is like sunshine, and his hands show his happiness in a language Edwin understands somewhere very deep inside him.)

In Port Townsend, though… Edwin’s armor is on fully, every single layer of his clothes on and hiding him, and his hands are Quiet. He’s back to the fist-pressing, even when he and Charles are alone. Charles tries to make him happy enough to show it in his hands, and fails; and even when Edwin is deeply distressed and Charles can see his fingers twitching with the need to soothe his own pain, they stay down and still.

It lasts even after they leave. It’s almost enough to make Charles want to chase Crystal away, because that’s when it started, so maybe that’s why Edwin’s hiding his happiness (and his fear, and his pain) again.

It’s not until they find Niko that Charles gets to see Edwin’s hands showing their joy again - when Niko and Edwin come together, out in the frozen waste of the astral plane, they don’t hug; but their hands rise together, flapping together like dancing hummingbirds.

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save meee transfem ctommy save meee

(btw i hc ctommy as tmasc bcuz well umm #projection BUT i had to show my girl tfem ctommy some love too so i drew these doodles. enjoy.)

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Once in a lifetime event, I used a white canvas :0

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I have an especially stupid idea for you all today. One day Charles comes back to the office with a bisexual flag patch added on his coat. Crystal and Niko immediately flag it like "!!!!!" and ask him about it. He just smiles and says "Pretty mint, right? It's got all of your favourite colours." pointing out each colour for Edwin, Crystal and Niko.

Crystal and Niko would love to be touched by this gesture if they weren't busy crying at his ignorance.

It gets worse when he passes Edwin a button with multiple different blue stripes saying that it reminded him of his best mate. Edwin also doesn't know why both girls have their heads in their hands. He thinks this is a lovely gift.

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I'm sorry in advance

Also this took me way too long

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thinking about edvard munch's "The Sun" (1911)

like yeah thats how it feels. thats what it feels like to exist sometimes. he gets it

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AAAAA HI YES!!!! here u go!!!

nothing more devastating than finishing the best dead boy detectives fic i've ever read and being so so happy because it was so amazing and then remembering its a fanfic and doesn't have a full fandom for me to consume fan content of it 💔 (this is about love for hire by lucrow on ao3 PLEASE READ IT I LOVE IT SO MUCH)

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posting these as a set. they cheer each other up :)

(ko-fi)

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nothing more devastating than finishing the best dead boy detectives fic i've ever read and being so so happy because it was so amazing and then remembering its a fanfic and doesn't have a full fandom for me to consume fan content of it 💔 (this is about love for hire by lucrow on ao3 PLEASE READ IT I LOVE IT SO MUCH)

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Here's the finished piece, hope your Friday was brills.

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Something for joy in this trying times

✨The Pats✨

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hellsent & heavenbound

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me saving them from imminent doom by killing them