ashthecat-15

[ashthecat-15]

just gonna quote repost so I can copy over all the tags more easily

so like, I got the therapy plan, I know the food times, I'm just too nervous to eat with the group, so I try waiting until most are done, but not too long so I can still get my food

I didn't sleep again, so I was in bed all day skipping all the appointments, resting in hope that'll somewhat compensate for no sleep, not sure if it did

the sounds, the people, the bed, the environment, that Alyssa (second gf) and the gc are most active when it's 21:00 (9pm) for me is also problematic because I wanna spend as much time with them as I can, especially now

my mom wants to buy stuff that could help me, like ear plugs, sleeping pills (or, well, valerian stuff mostly just calms down I think)

I could shower at any time, as long as I'm quiet after 22:00 (10pm), so I might wait with that until later today

and I should still to it today because the morning run is on my list tomorrow and I'd rather shower before that

I forgot to fill out the food plan for next week, gonna do that now when getting dinner. if its still here. :p

I hope they'll let me go home at weekends

it is a possible thing, just not for the first weekend

I'm gonna ask my therapist about it, but the first meeting is on Tuesday. I'm also gonna ask him about connecting me to a psychiatrist for hrt. he said it's possible, and I would like to get that done.

outside of that, I saw more and more people, mostly on twitter, post supportive stuff, kinda as a bash against trump. I hope if enough people do that, we get some attention.

it's horrible how he goes against things he doesn't understand. misinformation might be an excuse the first time, but this is going way too far. if you don't like it, don't interact with it at least. if you wanna interact with it, learn about it first, so you know what you're actually doing. a general thing.

aaaanyway, don't let those haters get to you cuties

they're gonna bite their teeth off our rainbow colored cotton candy asses uwu

(context for the cotton candy, someone used it as an insult towards a friend but she thought it was actually a pretty cute description so be adapted it. kinda like queer used to be an insult. and some gays use the bad word for gays too, which is fine, I just don't like doing it myself >~<)

Anyway, it'll take some more time to adjust to my new situation, but I can get through it. And so can you all through whatever you are going through. maybe not now, maybe not in a week, but at some point you'll find a way, and you will go it step by step. even the smallest steps count.

you can do it. and I'm proud of you for having come so far already.

so like, I'm in a clinic, mental stuff

Adhd, depression, gender dysphoria too ig

generaly just to get back on track, to be able to take part in society as normal again

now I did had an anxiety attack just before I should have come here yesterday, but a few hours later my mom helped me get there

it was fine, they respect my gender identity and stuff

ofc the patients still assume male, because u didn't shave, but the good thing is the workers only refer to me by my last name, and I can just like, not tell the patients my legal name

I cna just say my name is Ash. to be fair I do dislike that name in german, even with correct pronunciation

like, not dislike

just kinda sounds weird

anyway, I haven't checked my weight in a while, that's 99kg, 218lbs. I think, neat

they took a blood sample, they'll do that every week

and blood pressure, heart rhythm, weight too, all that medical stuff

I managed to finish my food list thingy for, well, the food I'll get here

for this week at least

and I'm planning on cleaning up, well, myself

shaving, showering, all that normal people stuff

at least I'm getting a bit more confident in doing things myself here

not enough, I hope that'll come before the end of day meet up thingy where we talk about how we're doing, if we reached out goals that we set in the morning

did I mention I didn't sleep last night?

main problem is my former sleep schedule and the drama in the gc, but that'll fix itself

despite that, I'm actually doing pretty fine

I do feel like this place will eventually get me through all this stuff going on

even though it does suck I pretty much don't get to get on vrchat with the gc people anymore

sucks badly

buuut, I can still tease them pretty well over chat it seems~

aaaanyway

probably keep updating progress and all that stuff

idc about oversharing my life here tbh

I think it's better to do that on tumblr than any other social media, but idk

(gosh, the tags are always the most difficult part)

[ashthecat-15]

To outlast Trump

To outlast Orban

To outlast Höcke

To outlast Putin

To outlast Erdogan

To just keep living, despite people wishing you wouldn't

We are here. We are many. And we are loud.

Just staying alive is an act of defiance. So stay here dammit. Stay here to outlive all that old privileged fascist scum. We won't give them what they want.

[ashthecat-15]

Don't let retarded idiots annoy you

I know I know, don't worry sweetie ^^

It was more fun if anything :3

besides, I wanted to say stuff like that publicly at some point anyway

granted, could have worded it better, and say it more general, but he was a good opportunity uwu

[ashthecat-15]

Don’t keep updating! We hope men like you are having a bad time, no need to read about it :)

well if you don't like people being themselves and wanting to share how things do get better, just, like, ignore it?

Also there are no men like me, technically, for 1 I'm a woman, and 2 we're all unique, but I know that second one is not how you meant it. but that's what my first one is for :3

you know I have all the time in the world to argue with you, and I won't shy away from doing so.

hating on people for being able to be themselves and for getting better is a realy bitchy move.

is that what you are? a bitch? Little bitch girl?

what, don't like it if I call you a girl? well too bad, because I don't like you wanting to be a man so why should I talk to you like you are?

You'll always be a girl, no amount of beard and toxic masculinity can change that uwu

feel bad, doesn't it?

and completely unnecessary

are you scared of people having the pride and bravery to be themselves? why? can you not? because the people around you won't let you? well tell you what, buddy, you're those people. You are why people are scared to express themselves, be their individual self, scared to fucking exist.

Is that what you want? People who got taught to hate themself killing themselves because of you?

That's honestly embarrassing, and that's a big understatement.

Also you know oppression of freedom and expression is how a lot of bad, really bad stuff happened, right?

Sure, there are rules, but what you want aren't rules, that's just hate.

And you can't defend yourself with "well, that's just my opinion, stfu". Hate is not an opinion.

It's an emotion, in cases like this often resulting from fear, envy, misunderstanding, etc.

Of course just because you got raised like this, doesn't mean I will not blame you. I Am blaming you. You have to learn to be yourself, to learn new things, also about things you don't like.

Do you know what queer and neurodivergent people are going through?

Do you know what those things even mean?

If you know that, and still hate it, then I will allow it. Just don't pull other people in who are already struggling. There are communities for people who think like you, and I'm sure they'd love to listen to your takes and they'd agree with you and add to it. But out here, nothing good will come from it.

Don't think you hit me with that btw, darling. I've heard much worse stuff. I only write so much because I assume the autism, also im bored and have a lot to say uwu

Anyway, it's dinner time, so I'll leave you with that :3

Maybe you will think about it, get into it, form an actual opinion on it, maybe not. In that second case, keep it to yourself and the people that think alike though.

Also I might add: Aksing this anonymously is the first sign you're a fucking pussy

[ashthecat-15]

the beds here are a pain in the back qwq

[ashthecat-15]

so like, I'm in a clinic, mental stuff

Adhd, depression, gender dysphoria too ig

generaly just to get back on track, to be able to take part in society as normal again

now I did had an anxiety attack just before I should have come here yesterday, but a few hours later my mom helped me get there

it was fine, they respect my gender identity and stuff

ofc the patients still assume male, because u didn't shave, but the good thing is the workers only refer to me by my last name, and I can just like, not tell the patients my legal name

I cna just say my name is Ash. to be fair I do dislike that name in german, even with correct pronunciation

like, not dislike

just kinda sounds weird

anyway, I haven't checked my weight in a while, that's 99kg, 218lbs. I think, neat

they took a blood sample, they'll do that every week

and blood pressure, heart rhythm, weight too, all that medical stuff

I managed to finish my food list thingy for, well, the food I'll get here

for this week at least

and I'm planning on cleaning up, well, myself

shaving, showering, all that normal people stuff

at least I'm getting a bit more confident in doing things myself here

not enough, I hope that'll come before the end of day meet up thingy where we talk about how we're doing, if we reached out goals that we set in the morning

did I mention I didn't sleep last night?

main problem is my former sleep schedule and the drama in the gc, but that'll fix itself

despite that, I'm actually doing pretty fine

I do feel like this place will eventually get me through all this stuff going on

even though it does suck I pretty much don't get to get on vrchat with the gc people anymore

sucks badly

buuut, I can still tease them pretty well over chat it seems~

aaaanyway

probably keep updating progress and all that stuff

idc about oversharing my life here tbh

I think it's better to do that on tumblr than any other social media, but idk

(gosh, the tags are always the most difficult part)

[ashthecat-15]

nnnnevermind ^^'

it's complicated

but we'll figure it out

anyway there's something bigger rn but I'll make a seperate post for that!!!

I swear some day that entire group chat will just be one polycule

[ashthecat-15]

turns out, the entire group chat is now just one polycule xd

I swear some day that entire group chat will just be one polycule

[ashthecat-15]

I'm at some mental health clinic now

they can hopefully diagnose me with adhd, maybe even autism, help with my depression, and maybe also hrt

[ashthecat-15]

I swear some day that entire group chat will just be one polycule

[ashthecat-15]

so like

America is fucked

and so are we afaik

and I've just seen a video where he expresses his plans

and like

fuck dude, I'm already depressed, you're not making this easier ^^'

put we'll stand proud, right? we can do something about this

as the big, big global community we are

at least I'll be in the clinic for all my mental stuff from Tuesday onwards

Also means I can't be with my online friends a lot, or be on vrchat

but it'll be fine

I believe

[ashthecat-15]

I can't believe I'm. seeing this post in person

Wtf is sephora

It sounds scary

[ashthecat-15]

i’m obsessed with this

and then, two months later....

🥺

[ashthecat-15]

nyaa >w<

BOOP OR TREAT!

uhhh first of all why didn't I see this earlier and second of all, while I would like boops, here you go

have this spooky candy cane I found online :3

[ashthecat-15]

BOOP OR TREAT!

uhhh first of all why didn't I see this earlier and second of all, while I would like boops, here you go

have this spooky candy cane I found online :3

[ashthecat-15]

What if Pokemon & Animal Crossing had a crossover game? #20 Made in Blender - Pumpkaboo design by @omuart

[ashthecat-15]

my friend abused you the other day

help.... me