arora-astha

[arora-astha]

Manifestation

It’s a moment of all those moments that make up a day, a month or a decade, who knows. And I am whirling though seasons, age by age.Is it a safe place? Can’t say. Is it hot? I can’t really tell. Hot enough to melt the incessant chain of thoughts? No. But also not cold enough to bury them in the dark of my subconscious. Does it feel okay?It feels like falling off from a cliff into the…

[arora-astha]

Untitled

The umpteenth attempt to jot down a few disposables from the lapsed year has failed. And here I muster the will to offer more ink to the sheets.But what does the quill confess to the parchment?Do I mention about the perplexed state of affairs shared by two women born across generations, or about their differently annotated emotions wrapped on the javelin spear, one not any less peaked than the…

[arora-astha]

Thehraav

A few days back, a friend asked me if I could put into words the place that is my Shangri-La. And there I sat, at a roadside thadi, breathing in Ganga ji in every bit of Haridwar contemplating about the “place”. All I could manage to say was, “It ought to have water, lots and lots of water.” Little did I know, that the coming days would be so generous in granting my wishes in ways I couldn’t even…

[arora-astha]

Walking away

Delhi, in it’s usual humid and chattery zeitgeist feels so familiar and yet, unwelcoming today. The noise no longer falls on musical staves and the once glamouring lights don’t seem whimsical anymore.I almost feel like telling Delhi, borrowing some words from Masroor Anwar saheb, “Mujhe tum Nazar se gira to rahe hoMujhe tum kabhi bhi bhula na sakogeNa jaane mujhe kyun, yakeen ho chala haiMere…

[arora-astha]

6/∞

There is a sudden outburst of energy that I feel dragging me away from my melancholic self. It is scary to step out of the abyss that I now refer to as my equilibrium. It’s dark in here where I am, cobwebs hanging down from ceilings reeking of despair and the stench of loss in the atmosphere is my oxygen.Wee particles of hope trespass their way in here mingling with those of dust and try to…

[arora-astha]

5/∞

The ink has been on an aversion trip from the page, not for long, just a few months and it already feels like a lifetime! Grappling with the fear of the towering heap of unfinished notes, the pen nonetheless begins this one. With no definite feeling to jot down, about no particular incident etched in the memory and an unnamed feeling that resonates neither with joy or grief, the pen yearns to…

[arora-astha]

4/∞

The magnetic affinity towards grief ~The stillness of death stirred by the commotion of ubiquitous rituals, death sneak peeking round the corners of hospital bed and the unfathomable abyss of graveyards, the grief that resides in these places is profound, unbearable and yet sought after.Suddenly the chaos of strangers becomes music, the music of a bereaved soul. Each one mourns a different grief…

[arora-astha]

3/∞

Acceptance.The most difficult yet critical task is to come to terms with the self, above all biases and prejudices. Despite of the task’s quintessence, one gets derailed into the realms of worldly desires. Like a new sapling is uprooted from its old parent, like an unripe fruit detached from the tree, like half brewed coffee taken off the flame.Half cooked meal served to anybody can be not only…

[arora-astha]

2/∞

Sometimes you know what’s around the corner, the storm that’s going to barge in after the dead of the night. But does having a premonition prepare you enough for the catastrophe? Does knowing the fathomable sea make death by drowning in it any better?I can see the asteroids that I pushed away into the infinite marching towards me light-years faster that I have now even lost sight of them. The…

[arora-astha]

1/∞

It’s 17° where I am right now wrapped in the warmth of a plethora of layers and it still feels like I am breathing ice. ‘Ye dooriyan’ plays in the background and nothing else feels as alive in the room as the lyrics. The moments of retrospection in the self curated void remind me of the people I have met, the experiences I have had and the sheer privilege of excelling the blame game. How utterly…

[arora-astha]

1

It’s utterly unbelievable to me that people always end up gaining life lessons at the end of each year. And here I am trying to figure out whether there has been even an iota of change since my inception. Definite existential crisis.It would be imprudent to say that I haven’t had any learnings from the events of a 365 days span. But I would still be naive enough if I claimed that those lessons…

[arora-astha]

2

A day to mourn, another to reflect and next few hours to vent it all out ~ that’s what it takes to get things going. I so wish that I had a lightning fast switch that would allow me a smoother transition.Past few days have passed by oscillating between the two extremes of a pendulum, never reaching for the niche. I almost reached for the stars but before I could even land amongst them, I raced…

[arora-astha]

3

An unfollowed itinerary, cancelled bookings and luggage that’s not getting past the entry checkpoint – that’s the treat to my eyes, open or closed.Ah, the year shutting down in a few days is really making the view worse. There is just me who’s going to witness the curtains fall and the darkness draw in losing myself to some indie playing behind. And suddenly I can imagine myself up on the dias…

[arora-astha]

4

I think I have been able to shed some of my paranoia today or maybe it’s just been buried somewhere beneath where the moist of the soil above doesn’t penetrate. But the soil still looks butchered, breathing of a burial.Nevertheless, it looks like a clear sky above with dense clouds at one end staring in my face and waiting to be noticed. I am choosing to be in oblivion, choosing to hold on to the…

[arora-astha]

5

Chaotic – The thoughts about this world sound so bewildering and nerve-racking to me that even the letters fail to fall in line and make sense. Is life nothing but a vicious circle of repetitive patterns? Maybe the start and end points are different but they all lie on concentric paths paralleling the same cycle of patterns. The mind races beyond thoughts and consequences and halts only when it…

[arora-astha]

6

DECLUTTERING ~Oh good Lord! The therapeutic relief that the mere recitation of the word brings in is beyond fathom. It started with the cupboard that has a. clothes enough for the next 10 years and b. facepalm to a sustainable future!Nevertheless, I buried the guilt of being the reason for tons of CO2 emissions and hopped on to the next dust sweeped corner. And then it felt like the whole house…

[arora-astha]

7

As I struggle to wrap myself in the warmth hidden in the folds of my duvet and hunt for the most eloquent words, my heart brims with immense gratitude for every moment of this very year nearing its end. It was one of its kind, with days bitter and sweet, wishes unrequited and dreams fulfilled, people lost and found. But this seems like an year, the kind I like. All over the place, uncertain and…