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Don't forget, we're not capable of anything.

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I would tell you why I'm lazy, but I just can't be bothered.

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If you can't convince them, confuse them.

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I've gotten to the point where, unfortunately, even vanity doesn't motivate me.

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Tolerance. My favorite word.....to hate.

Concerned citizen

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A: What was your Myers Briggs again?

B: PTSD

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Thanks for holding. I appreciate it - hello?

Receptionist

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A: He just disappeared off the face of the earth.

B: What is he, not on Facebook?

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We should get together sometime to bake them...but it has to be this week because my parents are coming next weekend. Say are you free tomorrow?

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Then the original owner was either an idiot or intended to rip someone off. Those are your options. The seller was either a thief or an idiot.

KiltedTim (Apple Support on selling locked iPhones)

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There's no such thing as romantic accent. It's called tone of voice.

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The coffee pot is clean so life is good... And then you die.

Zany coworker

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How unfortunate that we call the suicide assessment worksheet the SAW for short.

Mental Health Clinician

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I never tookin English 121.

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A: Wishful thinking but if you have texted me since Saturday I didn't get it. Broke my phone ;) B: You're in luck. You're not missing any texts from me.

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Don't stop believing...unless your dream's stupid.

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It was a sad and disappointing day when I discovered my Universal Remote Control did not, in fact, control the universe. (Not even remotely)