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amor-saca-amor · 1 month ago

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late-stage capitalism

5:46am - snooze alarm

5:54am - snooze alarm while crunching vague numbers in my head. Determining, theoretically, how many times I can snooze my alarm without being late for work. Is today a shower day? do I really have to shower today or can I just throw my hair up in a bun and make it tomorrow's problem?

6:04am - turn off alarm clock. check phone, set a 6 minute timer, get back in bed

6:10am - repeat timer

6:16am - repeat timer

6:22am - repeat timer and stare at the ceiling, contemplate whether or not 6 more minutes is worth missing the first bus.

6:25am - decide it's not. turn off timer. crawl out of bed, head into the kitchen

6:27am - grab my dirty moka pot, groaning to myself for not cleaning it last night. empty yesterdays grounds into the sink. open my jar of espresso grounds, taking a deeper-than-normal breath in as the decadent scent makes my heart beat a little faster.

6:30am - turn on burner, place moka pot, rush around the house.

While usually I have enough time to wait in the kitchen, doing sun salutations in front of the stove waiting for my moka pot to erupt with my brown liquid vice, today i search for semi-clean work clothes on my bedroom floor with a toothbrush hanging out of my mouth.

6:38am - hear the familiar sizzling of coffee shooting onto the hot stove top and run into the kitchen to take my pot off of the heat before it makes an even bigger mess.

6:45am - realize it's 6:45am and technically time to leave, but six months of this schedule has taught me that riding my bike to the bus stop really only takes me 6 minutes and I know that I can afford the time to put mascara on.

7:25am - get off the bus, grab my bike, begin peddling downtown towards my office building.

7:40am - walk up to the 3rd Floor, past the slightly-more-than-empty offices and badge into mine.

8:02am - finish my core workout and leave the privacy of my superior's office, the one that branches out of the shared office I have with another assistant.

Now joining her at my desk, she greets me "good morning" unphased, knowing that getting to work 20 minutes early and doing my core before the day starts is my normal routine.

8:30am - get antsy about small talking with my co-workers too long knowing I have a pile of emails and project requests and there are only 8 1/2 hours left in the office.

9am - try to focus on something, get anxious not knowing where to start. Eat breakfast while reading the latest Capitol newsletter.

9:15am - find an email that catches my attention - bounce around from project to project, email to email. There is no method. It is start doing something, see another tab on my computer, remember that I forgot to send that calendar invite, make the calendar invite, look for the list of attendees in the original email, find other unanswered emails that are more important than the calendar invite, type responses, answer phone, text my boss about her schedule next week.

10:23am - do some laps around the building with my co-workers.

10:55am - return to the office, decide to lock-in on a project

10:57am - check my phone

10:59am - lock-in

11:05am - find the tab with the newsletter I never finished reading

11:09am - chat with a co-worker who wandered into my office and doesn't know that I'm busy. I decide to not turn them away out of fear of seeming like a bitch

11:25am - lock-in

11:28am - check my phone

11:32am - lock-in

11:58am - cross two things off of my project to-do list, realize that progress will continue to be terribly slow. Tell myself I need to do more to focus. get an email, pull up my boss's calendar to schedule a meeting

12:11pm - go on a walk because fuck this place it's my lunch break

12:40pm - get back into the office, grab my lunch, check my phone, pay my credit card bill, text back my mom, look through my camera roll because it's the only app left after deleting social media. Reply to two more emails.

1:30pm - get a call from my boss, she's not coming in today and there's an event she's doing on Friday. "yes, I can draft your talking points."

1:40pm - realize there's another event next week that I have yet to prepare for. Panic because now the list of things that I have to get done by the end of the week so that my life doesn't fall apart has significantly increased.

1:50pm - walk to the coffee shop next door.

2:15pm - lock-in

2:27pm - check my phone

2:45pm - jump on a call with another department to talk about the event next week and walkthrough file sorting on SharePoint.

*blink

4pm - talk to the gaggle of co-workers who have crowded in my office because it's almost 5pm and everyone's antsy to sneak out early.

4:12pm - decide I'm going to ignore them so I can get back to work.

4:33pm - find the tab with the meeting attendees that need added to the calendar invite. add them to the invite even though I know it's not a priority -but it's the easiest thing my brain can handle in the last hour of work.

4:53pm - watch my work friends leave the office - giving me the attention span to take one last look at my to-do list, deciding what things I can get done in 27 minutes before I have to ride my bike to the bus stop.

5:53pm - get off the bus.

6:01pm - greet my roommates in the kitchen, "how was your day?" "good," "how was your day?" "good." "good." Take my breakfast and lunch tupperware out of my bookbag. Think about screaming, seeing them sit in the sink knowing that I have to clean them.

6:22pm - sit on the couch. check phone. check in on plans for this weekend. debate cancelling so that I can finally clean my room. decide not to.

*blink

7:24pm - do dishes, decide to reuse my dirty salad tupperware because it's easier to not clean it and just put my salad for tomorrow in it. wipe the kitchen counters. unload dishwasher.

8:03pm - retreat into my room. look at the unfinished letter, the barely started collage in the corner, remind myself of the poems i want to revise. have a thought about picking one them up now.

8:11pm - brush my teeth, run a wet rag under my eyes, clearing the bulk of mascara. I'll have to get the rest in the morning.

8:20pm - check phone

8:49pm - stare at the wall. pick up a book. put down book. pick up journal. search for a pen. put down journal and pen.

9:25pm - turn off lights, hopefully drifting to sleep in the next 10 minutes. if not, maybe waiting 20 minutes and then grabbing my phone.

repeat

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