amazingmisnotonfire17-blog - Tumblr blog

[amazingmisnotonfire17-blog]

Feeling Stuck (warnings: depression,anxiety, eating disorder)

Do you ever just get overwhelming depressed sometimes? I honestly feel like my depression has gotten worse these past two years. I always feel like I have a fucking mask on and I hate it. It's being a fake person. I feel like I'm starting to become worse and worse at having on this fake happy personality and it's starting to show. School is going to be starting up in a few weeks and it's all I've been think about and having so much anxiety over. It's almost like I can feel the stares in the hallways and classes. I can feel the judgement and just straight up meanness and I'm not even in school yet. I've gotten so insecure about my body again which sucks. I've been dealing with a bit of a eating disorder the past year or so and I feel like it's really coming back and especially when school starts. I've been exercising on almost no food and when I do eat I feel awful about my self and that I should not have done it. I at one point have almost past out in the shower just because I didn't have the will to fucking eat. I turned all of the mirrors around in my room because I couldn't stand looking at myself. It's like I'm falling down all over again. I'll have like a decent two weeks with my self not feeling depressed and anxious and then all the sudden it comes back. It comes back and kicks my ass. I can try everything I can to get myself out of it but nothing works. My parents are straight up oblivious to everything. I can't talk to them about personal things because some how every time I do it goes wrong. I have been at least trying to drop hint about my anxiety because I feel like they won't understand the depression part. I'm just stuck. I don't know what to do. I have little friends. I love my friends I just always feel like I'm the one who has to make my friends hang out with me. It just sucks. They are always busy with something exciting. A sport practice or going to see other friends and family, going to their sport games. I have even tried to fit in with that. I tried sports and it made me get more anxiety and more insecure about everything. I don't have family to see cause they are far away and I don't really have other friends. Why is it that all of the simple things for others seem so huge and terrifying to me? I just want a change and no matter how hard I try to change anything it always goes back to being difficult and shitty. Idk I'm sorry i have just been holding this in for a long time and felt the need to express it. Thank you for reading I guess

[amazingmisnotonfire17-blog]

are you the sun?

cause id like you to stay 93 million miles away from me...

[amazingmisnotonfire17-blog]

I just want to be alone for eternity, please don’t take this personally…

Anonymous

[amazingmisnotonfire17-blog]

hi again! and thank you?

so i am back again(shadys back,back,back, tell a friend.....im sorry i had to make that joke,i couldn't resist ok)whoop. anyway i just wanted to say thank for over 300 notes on my last post…like what happened lmao but seriously that’s kinda insane. i didn’t know that many people would like that quote haha it’s honestly one of my favorite quotes from Kurt tbh. anyway thanks again and i will try to post more tomorrow or later ^_^ -M

[amazingmisnotonfire17-blog]

"Thank you for the tragedy, I needed it for my art..."

Kurt Cobain

[amazingmisnotonfire17-blog]

[amazingmisnotonfire17-blog]

im driving myself insane with crushing on people who I've never talked to,but I know they like me back. I'm just so. fucking. shy. Why the hell cant I walk up to this stupid boy and just say "hey! I like your shirt, I like that band too!" And just start a damn conversation with him. I guess I've just never liked someone and in return that person likes me back. For once in my life a boy doesn't find me weird or something and I actually finds me some what attractive I think. Dear lord. My entire life I've been called ugly by guys and the one time someone finds me attractive or pretty or something, I finally like them back, but guess what? I. Cant. Say. A. Damn. Word. I just get too nervous. I just wish he would say something so I would stop driving myself insane with this stupid love and crushing bullshit...or maybe I wish I would have the confidence to go up and say something. The problem is that there are very few days left of school, and I keep telling myself to say something,but once again, I'm so socially awkward and nervous to say anything. Hopefully he will talk to me or I will get the confidence to talk. Anyway, no one is reading this, I know that but if you are, thanks for reading my cringeworthy story and thoughts lol -M

[amazingmisnotonfire17-blog]

hello!

hi so tbh i don't really know what this blog is going to be... wait! wait! before you start scrolling away, maybe you'll like me and my stupid ass humor and wannabe aesthetic... anyway, ima just post whatever on here I guess. im probably gonna use this to post some of my "photography" (told you i am a wannabe aesthetic person...) reblog some cool shit and possibly some memes, and a lot of YouTube and band stuff cause im a edGy tEen ok?¿and just occasionally write/rant about my stupid life(told you im an edgy little shit)and maybe some stories? idk yet. if you've made it this far, thanks for reading and maybe follow me? lol ima stop now k bye