all-i-ever-do-is-yearn

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thinking about how neil says jean is a survivor not a fighter and thinking about how jeremy says he is a starving dog and thinking about kevin saying "if you tell him to submit he will" and thinking about jean giving rhemann the racquet and thinking about contrition and thinking about jean asking and expecting to be punished and not fighting back AND ALSO thinking about how nora said jean went to evermore angry and betrayed like if you shoved a cat into a box closed the lid shook it and opened it again and how the cat is jean and thinking about how jean was angry and all claws and teeth when he first showed up at evermore and thinking about jean saying he would tear out kevin's throat with his teeth and thinking about jean wanting to punch jeremy for treating him with too much caution and thinking about jean biting back every time lucas insulted him and thinking about how jean is at once defeated and depressed and unwilling to fight back or fight for himself and also so insanely angry all of the fucking time and how he had (has?) so much passion and emotion and rage that got tortured out of him during his time at evermore but did it really?

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why kevjean doesn't work.

i'm sad about it too but hear me out. spoilers ahead continue at ur own risk.

look it makes me so sad to say it but kevjean does not work in this universe (i know, this also means it doesn't work, by extension, in any universe, considering jean is dead.) and i need y'all to hear me out on this. everyone theorising that kevjean will be the endgame ship in tsc i hate to break it to u all: not only does that not at all align with anything in canon, but it also would just be a really bad writing decision on nora's part.

LET ME EXPLAIN. jean's arc in tsc is first and foremost about healing. i think everything and every relationship jean has throughout the tsc trilogy has to lend itself towards that in some way, and ultimately has to resolve in jean being in a better place than he was at the beginning, and if not done healing, then being certain that one day he will be. (this is how jean is when he graduates from usc in the current canon ec).

following this line of thought, jean logically can't end up with kevin. and not just because it contradicts canon, because i fully believe nora is free to contradict any of the ec she wants in tsc, but because fundamentally, it would not aid in jean's healing arc.

i see the appeal, i really do. kevin and jean have insane lore, off the charts chemistry and tension and are actually extremely compatible. but that isn't enough in this case to justify an established relationship between the two of them that isn't in the past. (don't get me wrong i am a WHORE for past kevjean/kevjean situationship/unrequited kevjean it's all very yum).

i genuinely think getting into a relationship w kevin at this point in the story would hurt and hinder jean's healing arc. kevin, through no fault of his own, is so deeply entwined with jean's trauma and memories in evermore that he literally cannot be anything but a trigger and catalyst for bad memories and grief/anger in jean. y'all forget just how deep kevin's departure cut jean (not just physically), and jean hasn't even entirely worked things out with kevin yet. they have a lot of dirty laundry to air out, both between the two of them and their relationship as well as about neil and r*ko. people also forget that kevin and jean both played a role in each other's abuse. jean said himself that it destroyed him, how easy it was to fall into kevin's bystander role. they both were witnesses and bystanders to each other's abuse by r*ko or tetsuji. that doesn't mean it was their fault, and they literally could not have done anything to help or stop anything, but it doesn't mean it didn't have an affect on the other nonetheless. i feel like ppl r missing a lot of nuance in this context: kevin and jean's relationship has always been inherently tragic, even if it doesn't end with a fall out. they've always been each other's greatest friend in the worst places, and they've always been forced to witness the trauma done to both of them. they're bond is complicated, even if the love is there (which i think it is). i won't call it a trauma bond but i do think their bond is deeply influenced and intertwined with their shared trauma.

even if they did work thru everything, i honestly think jerejean is the only way to go here. nora has laid the groundwork for that mutual attraction and trust there in book one, and now we're just gonna have to see how it plays out. they may not be together properly until jean graduates, but i don't see a problem with that. i think, at the end of the day, it's not a matter of if it'll happen but when. jean needs jeremy (and cat + laila) right now, and there's a reason kevin chooses to send him to the sunshine court, and it's not just cos they're the only team worthy of jean's skill. "their kindness matters." kevin says, and it does. jeremy + the trojans innate kindness and care towards jean are what he needs to heal and grow out of the ravens' shadow. being with kevin i fear would jeopardise that. at the end of the day, kevin is too deeply rooted in jean's past, which is a veritable goldmine of trauma that, while does need to be acknowledged and talked about, does not need to be dug up again. this isn't jean or kevin's fault, just a fact.

i think nora's also made it pretty clear that kevjean (whether requited or not) is a thing of the past. the love was there, and it might've changed everything and it might've changed nothing, but the love was there. and maybe it still is. but things have changed, and they're both going their own way and i think it's really important to understand that.

side note: this is also part of the reason i'm not the biggest fan of thea and kevin's relationship. i'm not actually sure if they're all that good for each other, given how/where their relationship began and developed. i don't doubt they care for and love each other, but i just don't know if they're the best people for each other in terms of like...wellbeing. anyway does anyone have any good kevaaron fic recs???

[all-i-ever-do-is-yearn]

Nora Sakavic, I hope you know I'm dreaming over them kissing in the second book 😌

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the sound I made was not human

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Hello am Taheerah Mohammed Abdallah, are you willing to help me get my insulin? I'm down to my last pen and its pretty much close to being empty.Nt asking for a much, only need $67 rn to save my blood sugar. please help me with a small donation or share,reblog any help can save my life.  Thank you so much and be blessed.🙏 Donation link is available on my pinned post

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[all-i-ever-do-is-yearn]

Hello, I am Tareq from Gaza Iam trying save my famliy from the genocide happening here. I ask for your help in spreading my story and donating if you can contribute anything, no matter how small.Please don,t forget to sharethe latest post from my page and follow my account to help spread the story to the world. Thank you.

I don't think my post reaches a lot of people but whoever sees this please share it with everyone who can help

[all-i-ever-do-is-yearn]

neil "i love when people are mean because omg no way my turn" josten

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I'm sorry, but if Andrew and Neil found out about Thea's "up to your old tricks" line, they would hunt her for sport and never let her exist in Kevin's and especially Jean's general vicinity again

[all-i-ever-do-is-yearn]

[all-i-ever-do-is-yearn]

andreil rlly shines when ppl realize that andrew is the normal one in the relationship. this is also why aaron was being psychologically tortured by neil (unknowingly) during all 3 books

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KJJ stuff from twitter <3

[all-i-ever-do-is-yearn]

…Andrew and Neil moved like they were caught in each other’s gravity, in each other’s space more than they were out of it, cigarette smoke and matching armbands and lingering looks when one fell out of orbit for too long…

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Me opening up the word doc and getting stuck in the exact same place as last time

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"She was a child. She was my baby sister, and I should have protected her, but I— I was just a child, too."

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"You're in love with him, aren't you?"

Jean's eyes widened, and he stared vehemently at Andrew, who stared back equally with an apathetic look. It was midnight, and Jean was itching to go to the court to clear his head. Abby was skeptical, but her worries were eased when Wymack dialled a begrudging Andrew to pick Jean up along the way to court.

The car ride was silent. All Jean could hear was the cacophonious music on the radio that integrated with Jean's obdurate heart that sped up as Kevin fell on top of him after Andrew passed through a particularly steep curve.

Now, Jean was seated beside Andrew as the other man lounged across the couch and unabashedly watched Neil with a glint of voraciousness. He couldn't help himself share that notion when Kevin switched his racket to his left hand and demolished the Raven drills with pure, perfected ease.

"I'm not." The blatant lie left his lips so easily that it made Jean grimace.

Andrew gave Jean a once-over decidedly unimpressed at Jean's salient bluff. He thought that that concluded whatever minute conversation they were having; he was proven wrong, however, when Andrew tilted his head towards Jean in bemusement.

"How much longer are you going to lie, Valjean?" Andrew drawled out that ridiculous moniker, "Kevin's an idiot but if you keep looking at him like you want him to devour you whole-"

Jean let out an indignant shriek; a kaleidoscope of fragmented images poisoned his thoughts. Andrew's tone radiated glee, yet his face remained forever stand-offish.

He heard knocking on the other side of the plexiglass, and those doltish green eyes narrowed in a questioning expression. He felt his ears getting warmer as Andrew waved off Kevin for him to resume his practice. Kevin let out a curt nod before his eyes slid over to Jean as he retreated to the neatly arranged cones.

Jean saw Neil and Andrew exchange indecipherable looks before Neil glanced at Kevin and back at Jean before his eyes widened in realisation. To Jean's dismay, Neil let out a stupidly large grin before hobbling off to catch up with Kevin.

Great, he was so fucked.

[all-i-ever-do-is-yearn]

Ichirou needs bestmen and someone to plan his bachelor's party and not having any friends and he doesn't wanna pay someone to do it and also could look weird so he calls Jean, Kevin and Neil to do something for him that they can't refuse.

They are all weirded out by this but also don't want problems so they end up planning a trip and a party with the budget Ichirou (that really doesn't know how much this things cost) gave them.

The four of them have a blast and it's SO random, they of course don't ever bring this up again and when the media asks they use their relationship with Riko as an excuse. But Ichirou got to live like a man in his 20s once, and he's starting to think that maybe things aren't just as his father said it should be.