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Of the people you see walking down the street each day, how many have been thinking the same things you've been thinking about lately? How many have read books you've read? How many do you think admire the same artists?

How many do you think have someone they love? Not friends they kill the boredom with on occassion, not an erratic relationship, someone who gives the world meaning? Isn't that something most understand?

How many have the same aspirations you do? How many would join you in working towards them? How many might have made great friends with you?

If you appeared a couple generations back, do you think you could ever coexist with those who arguably you share little experiences with?

Oddly enough, more than any fandom or community I have been involved with, it was TikTok during the pandemic years that showed me people are indeed human and think very much like humans

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People who self-type with rare and "coveted" labels, such as: INFJs, INTJs, 5s, 4s, IEIs, ILIs, Ns by extension

Let me ask, to what extent would your self-worth differ if you concluded you were mistyped?

To what extent would your self-worth change if you found typology to be a false idea?

Back when I believed socionics was the answer to everything at 15, I was negatively affected by that interest. I questioned things about myself because I seemed to have traits that didn't fit my EII (INFP,INFj) type, but I settled on it eitherway because of my focus on morality. It didn't help how little self esteem I had to be of the least impressive of the 4 "intelligent" types. Even worse, socionics changed how I saw others. I believed others lacked moral values and intelligence, thought in a manner inconceivable to me and would fundamentally be bad company for me

The enneagram had me constantly questioning every aspect of my behavior in order to affirm that I was indeed a 5w4

If you are invested in personality typing, I think you should consider the influence of your emotions on your investment and take a short break. People who are no longer certain about these systems, it might be useful to share your opinion of them in retrospect

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Self-expression?

I saw a musician tonight walking through the tourist area of my Greek city. He was playing his guitar and singing in the shadow of an old building, far away from where the crowd gathers to watch buskers and dancers. His voice was harsh, he was playing what you'd call disposable music, he had a long, unkept beard, he wore clothing in the style of the 2000s. Nobody lingered to listen to him.

But something about him sent me back to my childhood.

I always had this urge to create. Daydreaming was my major pastime ever since I remember. Even when my imagination could not produce much more than a simple combination of what simple concepts and settings were constant in my life, even when I didn't know to write yet. I sincerely loved a specific kind of music. Things brought out very strong emotions in me and I expressed them strongly, everyone told my family I was going to be an actress. I was a stubborn, reactive, opinionated girl. I either loved or hated things, in those years I mostly only hated people. I had an abstract but persistent vision for my life and an unusual curiosity (or so it was thought by the adults around me). I was considered outstandingly intelligent, that was something I valued more that anything, I held onto it tightly through a difficult social upbringing.

I wasn't musically gifted and it bothered me. When nine year old me didn't make it into the choir I became permanently aggressive towards all its members, my music teacher and any adults that reasoned everyone had their own abilities and that was only natural. The choir became a void in myself, idealised in my young head and I cried regularly, which is not something I otherwise do much. I saw a path to becoming what I was pursuing, closed to me.

As I entered my teens I became conscious of things I wasn't thinking about before. Age and gender and the fundamental unfairness of life. The bullying and isolation I was already experiencing became significantly worse and more intentional. I didn't understand the world or myself, so I was sucked into anti-world/ incel discourse and even into a group of religious extremists, trying to understand myself and my reality, deep into depression. Most of all, I felt the need to self-expression, consciously now. Development was gradual. I taught myself how to love, I taught myself about people. I taught myself to describe my thoughts. I taught myself to trust in my imagination. I taught myself to work through tasks, those things were never taught to me as a child, my parents and I never understood each other on a fundamental level. Now I am a human being, I believe. But I once thought of my superiority as a certainty. I had never encountered something I did not feel I understood. Now I realise that I have limits. Music is something I never gave up on, but I know well it is not a possibility. I can not sing. I was not born a singer. Actually, I might not even be able to write. I might not have been born an artist.

Going back to the musician. People think art is the need of an artist. But if it was that way, why do we all listen to music, why do we carefully choose our clothing, why do we look at paintings, why do we admire great minds

Why do we model our surroundings after ourselves

Why do we become infatuated

Why do we feel an emptiness we rush to fill with constantly changing ideology, aesthetics, pleasure, money

I will expand on that thought

Why does that classmate of yours insist on drawing and calling themselves a painter, even though their drawings consist of bad quality anime-style characters

Why are you obsessed with that generic corporate-managed media franchise

Why does that friend of yours have hundreds of pages of "aesthetic" content and inspiration

Why does that older man in your family identify so strongly with an unrefined and in your opinion dangerous ideology

Why does simple music become so popular

Why is minimalism so appealing to the masses

Why did the romance genre and booktok become so popular

Why do these weirdos in your class live like hippies

Self-expression

What we see of ourselves in the outside world, digestible enough for each one of us. Sometimes, things we have experienced become the single-minded focus. Sometimes, we flow with the currents. Each one of us to the extent of the capacity of their imagination. We all yearn for the same thing

I often wonder. Am I that musician? Is everyone that musician? I see this in everyone, am I any different? Can I call myself an artist if someone else is not one? Is my personal internal experience inherent to myself or universal? If mine is not more intense, how come I operate this way. What even am I? What can I hope for?

I have been writing this for three hours. That was a nice conversation with myself. Maybe some time it will be a conversation between me and another

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Tamino Discord Server?

There exists one, for an exclusively Turkish audience. Have been looking for something for a while, no luck. I made one myself, however I haven't been able to get it verified for Disboard and do not foresee it getting anywhere. Other platforms work too as long as there is some activity. I am mostly looking for others who share my interest in his work