akima-47

[akima-47]

Here is my official plan to change the world as we know it:

• I become a paramedic. • If I encounter patients who cannot be saved, just as they’re about to die, I’ll look them dead (haha) in the eyes and slap ‘em real hard. • If ghosts are real, this will cause dozens of them to be personally upset with me. I mean, at the very least, they’ll want answers. I’ll be the most haunted person ever. • This means I’ll have dozens of opportunities to record paranormal phenomenon. • I’ll get my own show on the Travel Channel called GHOST SLAPPER, through which I’ll eventually get irrefutable scientific evidence that ghosts exist, making me the wealthiest and most respected paranormal researcher of all time. • On my death bed, one of my interns will slap me real hard, to make sure I come back all pissed off and confused. • I will be the first ghost to host a ghost hunting show (which is mega cool, come on, admit it). • Eventually, the secret goes global, and everyone starts slapping their loved ones real hard as they die, because they believe it’s the best way for their spirit to remain here on Earth with them. • After enough time, death slaps become commonplace. People have DNS (do not slap) instructions in their wills instead of or along with DNR (do not resuscitate) ones. • HOWEVER, because everyone expects the death slaps, they no longer have the desired effect. Getting slapped is just a natural part of dying, now, but it accomplishes nothing. • Like with all cultural junk, the origin eventually slips away, and the knowledge of WHY we slap the dying is esoteric at best. • I, however, remember, and haunt hospitals for centuries, laughing because everybody’s gettin’ slapped. • Thank you for your time.

[akima-47]

[akima-47]

ignoring men is self care

[akima-47]

oh fuck it turns out i love my friends very much

[akima-47]

This gave me nightmares.

[akima-47]

What's the meaning of bdsm?

Bible Discussion & Study Meeting

[akima-47]

Here’s to Danny Phantom, the first superhero whose main power is to Die On Command

[akima-47]

just watchin a british show and the dude said bath like “barth” that shit will never get old

[akima-47]

me: time for sleepy :)

my garbage body: hot hot hot no cold no HOT bad bad, throw up??? no, hungry, NO remember that mistake you made at work. Internalize it. Never forget. Back hurt yes headache YES hot yes roll over r-RA RA RASPUTIN, RUSSIA’s GREATEST LOVE MACHI-

[akima-47]

good thing this here internet box exists. back in the 12th century or whatever i would have had to shout my bullshit from the window

[akima-47]

I could have a cuter room if I wasn’t a goblin who threw all her shit on the floor

[akima-47]

[akima-47]

Me: *passes a blunt to the demon in my house* AHAAA gotcha bitch , that was laced with sage get the fuck out my house

[akima-47]

Robot cummies

[akima-47]

[akima-47]

Elizabethan Peasant 1: Look yonder! Someone has writ upon that ceiling that thou art most easily gulled!

Elizabethan Peasant 2: More fool they, for I cannot read.

Elizabethan Peasant 1: *sighing, lowers his visage unto his palm*