aethereallynephilim

[aethereallynephilim]

The person I reblogged this from is awesome as fuck.

[aethereallynephilim]

you want to be loved and liked for who you are. when you feel like you aren't lovable or likeable, the instinct is to pretend you're someone or something you're not, to be loved and liked. but this is counterproductive. you gotta be and look as much as yourself as you can. than means the people who end up hovering around you and stay are those who like and love you for who you really are. it might be scary, but it's worth it. I promise.

[aethereallynephilim]

rb to have a super gay 2023

[aethereallynephilim]

guys. please

[aethereallynephilim]

2024/12/22

this week has been a rollercoaster!

not a bad thing, it's just been a lot and i'm just so happy that it seems like some things are looking up. this week has felt like it has lasted so long but it also feels like it has flown so quickly.

i went on a date and it went really well! i have never been on a first date before so i was so excited and it was nice to take a break from life.

it has been stressful dealing with the fact that so much has had to change due to my father coming out of hospital and his care plan is intense. i have to do more things by myself rather than doing things with my mother (who i used to spend more time with).

i am hoping that i can pull some motivation out of my arse, hopefully christmas goes well!

[aethereallynephilim]

Dear universe I trust u. It’s coming.

[aethereallynephilim]

this is not your end but instead a beginning

[aethereallynephilim]

idk how to explain this but the left image feels like apollo and the right image helios

[aethereallynephilim]

Dionysus is such a wonderful god. 💜 🍇

[aethereallynephilim]

2024/12/15

well my dad is home. but he isn't the same. my dad is home but he believes me to be his sister. it sucks that he remembers my mother and brother but not me. i wish i had never asked. but i did.

this week has been up and down. up and down. but i am trying to keep my head up. hopefully on tuesday i'll be going to meet a special person to me and i hope that will go well. i'm just all over the place.

i need to keep calm because i know it is wiping out my apetite and energy.

all i can hope is that next week is a bit more stable.

[aethereallynephilim]

everytime i get sick i realise how shitty i am at looking after my vocal health. i need to fucking keep myself accountable about it because if i fuck my voice i am quite frankly, fucked. i hate this back at square one shit. especially since no one in my family takes it seriously. i'm just fucking frustrated.

i want to feel better.

so i guess it's back to figuring out vocal health.

[aethereallynephilim]

A lot of online pagan/polytheistic communities act batshit with constant infighting, drama, and weird rules they pull out of their ass because - and i am saying this as someone who has BEEN in these communities since the LIVEJOURNAL days - a LOT of the community is made up by kids coming from fandom spaces and bringing this weird fandom discourse mindset with them. They treat religions like fandoms and gods like their blorbos

[aethereallynephilim]

2024/12/08

after last week's shakiness, i have been able to get myself slowly back up again. it's slow progress but i am going to get back to where i was, especially since i have a new goal.

i am going to get back on stage again

it is all i have ever wanted to do and now that i am basically fully recovered from my ed and it seems like my chronic illnesses can stay under control, i feel it is my duty to try to make my dreams come true.

i want to follow my dreams even if it is hard. i have chosen my hard and i am going to do everything i can to see it bloom into fruition.

my computer has decided not to work so my brother is trying to fix it. it gives me time to try to keep my head straight.

i've been tryng to just keep pushing forward. even if it is slow.

[aethereallynephilim]

You are good enough

[aethereallynephilim]

i cannot hate myself into a version of me i will love.

[aethereallynephilim]

2024/12/01

i was so close to being strong, working out, daily steps, helping around the house, carrying shopping. i was so close. so close to feeling the most normal i have and then it all fell down.

it all fell down like a house of cards. i got sick, from the stress in life and now i am back on my arse once again. getting exhausted from walking less than half a mile. it's not like it's hard it's just afterwards i have no energy left.

i was able to start dancing again. i was doing what i loved and now i don't know when i'll get that back. it isn't fair.

i'm grieving again for the fact i thought i had gotten out of the hole but now i've been dragged back there. i have to get back on the horse because i refuse to lose everything again.

so for now, i will cry, i'll bawl, the emotions i have are real and deserve to be felt rather than hidden. but i am going to fight like hell to get myself back again.

a journey of a thousand miles starts with one step.

i just hope that the gods have a plan for me yet.

[aethereallynephilim]

the world isn’t so bad. it has you in it, after all.