a-glimpse-of-eternity

[a-glimpse-of-eternity]

Throw a frog in boiling water; they’ll leap out right away. Turn the heat up slowly; in boiling water they will stay. So it starts like this; “Maybe I shouldn’t have said that thing, Maybe he’s right about my friends after all.” Before you know it; “It’s not rape if I’m allowing it, right? He’s hit me sure, but that’s my fault.” You don’t see the ways he moulds and develops the fire;  criticising your family, blasting accusations at them like ammunition. You don’t see him spinning the electricity between his fingertips that will lead to the fireworks which lead to you all going  BANG and scattering apart; particles in an atomic explosion. Don’t think he has forgotten that unstable atoms will cling to their closest match. Don’t underestimate his ability to play God like a child picking apart at their toys with malicious glee. He says he’s depressed so you can’t leave him alone; not if you love him, not if you care. So you throw away the chance of a better life like confetti. The heat is rising and you can feel the unease in your stomach, but it’s so slow and subtle in sizzling. Then it rises again. By the time he is using suicide as a bargaining tactic you believe there is reason behind it. He’s not controlling you into submission when you leave the parties, stay in with him and do everything he says. He’s just depressed, okay? He’s just depressed. Insults slowly sizzle away; searing you until they’re a given part of your day. It’s not normal unless the water has you so consumed it’s threatening to leak out from your eyelids. You try to escape but the lengths of this fish bowl are endless.  You know something is wrong and you are terrified but your mind is frazzled, the heat won’t allow your thoughts to fathom into clarity. So you leap, again, and you leap and you leap  but he drags you back in with the sly smile of a man catching dinner. His bait is filled with apologies but once you’re in; it’s back to being all your fault, the heat rising up once more. Before you know it, the conditions have returned to boiling. Before you know it, you are ready to die. Then, finally, he tells you to kill yourself and the illusion is shattered for good. Ice pours through your body, so harsh you freeze, and finally you feel the heat all around you. It is scalding you to death. This time when you leap, you run. Finally, you are free but scars burn across your skin like train tracks. The harsh cold makes you scream like you are burning back in hell but this time it all feels so much more real. When you see water again you tremor and hide, even when this batch is perfectly clear. But you survived. You leapt and you bet the odds. So you tell yourself; smile, it could be so much worse. One day these burns won’t hurt so much, one day they won’t hurt at all. I’m just glad I’m gone, you scream, I’m just glad I’m gone.

Burning women don’t always leap. A while ago, I did. (via samanthawritespoetry)

[a-glimpse-of-eternity]

Recovery

Life’s waves rushed and grabbed me in, Another newborn in the sea, Perched dreadfully between two worlds Within one- a kaleidoscope of worlds. Will I fall down and unfurl a world Of suffocating, icy depths, Or twirl up into this summer set of Ever changing skies?

I submerged myself exploring one When the sky became too mean. Harsh rain stormed from angry clouds, Bitter clouds spurting weather extremes. Pushing me down and... Anything seemed better than this. So I rushed through to this world, Below. Below. Below.

Life everywhere, sharp bites, A constant, never-ending fight for life. Great fat pink beasts, pointed teeth, that no one had ever Discovered before, hungered to stretch me out and tear me to bits Fill my screaming heart With that current I was already swirling further through Those blue-green, psychedelic depths, ever darkening. But I fought. Not remembering why, I couldn’t fathom a world different from this In my minds eye, never mind see one in real life. So why did I reach out? Why did I fight on? Why did I… What for?

Perhaps a vague notion lacking trust, That something might be worth, There must be some reason to fight, Because why?! Because there’s nothing else to do But die. It was because there was nothing else to do But die.

So I got up, gaining more cuts along the way, The hunger for my blood grew fiercer but I grew Stronger. I caught snippets of light Or did I just imagine their glittering remnants As they swam through the water Just out, always just out, of my longing reach?

And the people who had torn my trust, Who had me falling from their world Into one of my own which danced alive With fear. They stood silhouettes against The light. But the sun is so much greater than A few blocks of earthly matter. And I could see that from there, And I can see it from here.

I can see its light and I am Claiming it for me. Nobody can hide it from me. It is mine. And I won’t let you, Or anyone, Let me believe That I cannot, Will not, Bask in its glorious path Ever again. Because I am, I will, And I shall, Forever.

Take it away from me Again, Go on try. In its path I would love To watch You burn.

[a-glimpse-of-eternity]

One Reason

Because no loving, tender babies deserve to die

And none of their mothers deserve to cry

From farmers stealing their babies away;

The same men who chain them up all day.

The pain they are in is indescribable,

Their loss to our gain, indecipherable.

All so we can snatch the milk of a mother

Who's babies need it when we don't, another

Species entirely is what we are

Which is why it is our bodies we tar

When drinking this stuff that comes from pain

We raise our risk of virtually all disease, we maim

Our bodies entirely whilst contributing to murder

Hurt and trauma of another

And to put it simple, One reason I'm vegan is;

I won't drink to that.

[a-glimpse-of-eternity]

We fell from the stars You and I, Did you know we come From the sky? For one faltered day A star died, Painfully sound it’s Mournful cries. Craving naught but life One more sigh, Dissipating from Heights so high. It vowed to create World benign, So it could live through You and I.

Stubborn Light

[a-glimpse-of-eternity]

Beautiful My mum holds out her hands and says it brightly, I am two years old and I think it means that she loves me, I smile. Beautiful We are built up in dresses and glitter and that pink powdery stuff That goes on your eyes, I am five years old and this towering game of making us beautiful Is boring. I take off my pretty shoes and I run and I laugh and I play. I am so free that I don't even know yet What freedom is. Beautiful He says as he caresses my hair And I wonder if it is true because I am 11 years old and I read magazines That tell me how to be beautiful But never that I am already. Beautiful I say as I stab at my leg, 13 years old, With tears of black streaming down my face "Why can't you just be it already?!" I half scream, I half sob. I have forgotten that I am already. Beautiful I affirm at 14 years old. That's what I shall be tomorrow. And for a year or so It seems that I am, I fit the rules and that's enough to have me giving Smiles all round, but still I shake and I falter. It's not me but I think I am happy. It feels so nice to belong. Beautiful Is what I miss being the most At 15 years old as I reflect on how Ugly, ugly, ugly I have become. I tried so hard, and I tried and I tried But I can't find it within me to try anymore and so I cry. Ugly. Ugly. Ugly. That's all I can see that I am. Beautiful Is what I almost died for not being, The nurse said I would have been gone if That little old man had not saw me fall from his little Green car and called an ambulance right away. I stay in hospital for 3 months, at just 16 years old, Because beautiful has become an ugly word And I am falling, falling, falling in its blood trodden trail.

When "beautiful" becomes an ugly word.

[a-glimpse-of-eternity]

Like a flower grown from the dirt I will rise No matter how many beings tear me down I will have spread my seeds and I will grow back stronger And stronger and stronger Every time.

[a-glimpse-of-eternity]

Natural Cycle > Eternal Cycle of Pills

The doctor told me to take more pills; "Pills, pills, pills to cure your ills!" But the more I took- the more ill I got "Pills, pills, pills until you rot!" Sung his general idea so I left incensed And what I found was clear evidence That my sickness was caused by his pills, Antibiotics killed most my good cells. Pills, pills, pills to make me rot? Thank you Doctor but I think not.

[a-glimpse-of-eternity]

Haiku for our "love"

Our souls dance; perfect Or so we thought, until things Changed. So now; it hurts.

[a-glimpse-of-eternity]

Grim decorations line the streets like bags of trash, spilling out Where nobody is responsible, because it’s not their mess, not their bag. So the numbers grow and grow and grow Until we’re all tripping up on our way to work holding our eyes to the skies So we can’t see why the entire world is falling But at least the sky is beautiful right? Beautiful but far away.

A poem I wrote about homelessness in our world. (via veganwriter)

[a-glimpse-of-eternity]

Flying like birds released from a cage

City heights

Dissipating.

Trees flying,

Folding away,

Beyond

The horizons

Of our

Windshields.

  We buzz with

All the energy

Of a thousand suns

Bursting through

This rushing air-

Fuel of

Our veins.

  This world is ours

As we are

Of it

Fibres of

It’s being.

  Alive,

Alive,

Alive.

  Finally,

We feel

This life.

[a-glimpse-of-eternity]

The cold bites through the layers of her skin, But thin layers of fabric keep the silver lining from embedding Deep enough to not melt away When she temporarily discovers warmth again.

Tragic enough to linger but not tragic enough to induce intervention or care

[a-glimpse-of-eternity]

Temporary Interactions

As we curled up to sleep that night and you kissed the nape of my neck,

Sending tingles of loneliness repellent radiating throughout my veins,

I thought to myself; the worst thing you can catch from a one-night stand

Is feelings, when I already had enough of those jittering beneath my skin.

[a-glimpse-of-eternity]

Seekers of the Sun

We are all chasing wisps of this magical dream

Narcotized matches -barely flickering-

Craving adventure deeply as it funnels to extinction

And the ratio of people to this dream, like an apocalyptic virus, grows.

  The drugs just make the cravings intensify,

The drink it tires, its buzz gets old.

Adventure shrivels like a cigarette butt

Dying out, like reasons to live.

  So they rush through the air, matches determined not to blow

From living lit so dimly that they do not get to see this world,

In anything other than perverse shades of grey just like

Those mounting shadows which dared encompass them before.

  Racing through Earth's most distant roads,

They search for lands beyond those monstrous apparitions,

Raised by the giants of the industrialized era,

Transmitting themselves back to ancient times of love and laughter.

  Where trees grow tall, dissipating beyond the horizons

Of their windshields. Feeling the air blast through their veins

-Scraping away those things which haunt the carcasses of their skin-

Like the hushed rush of the river, the voice of their refreshed dreams,

As they lie underneath eternal constellations, eternal skies,

Soothing their starvation for a life lived ever searching and most intensely; Alive.

[a-glimpse-of-eternity]

Generation Search Lights Burning Out

We are all looking for adventure Searching, scouring for it like addicts to a drug In pretentious parties and unknown lovers In cigarette butts and strangers covers. Perhaps these drugs will fill the void And scrape away these things that haunt the carcasses of our skin - Like limescale reoccuring- ,we think As we snort, and smoke and pop the pills empty the bottle, releasing ourselves From the cage that is created within our minds From a society overgrown with unkempt expectations.

[a-glimpse-of-eternity]

I don't want to be a bad person. But It feels like I am of late.

A Haiku.

[a-glimpse-of-eternity]

Molecularity, there exists a world of chaos Creating a life full of organisation. My mind is chaos But my body: it works.

Or it appears to in the least, just like the seasons and the sun.

[a-glimpse-of-eternity]

I have fallen in love with an art form Just like Vincent Van Gogh, and I wonder What comes first: the madness or the art? It seems like the two are tragically intertwined.

(Maybe if I stopped writing poems about madness, I’d feel less like I was going mad myself.)