4mzmahogany

[4mzmahogany]

The Widow and her sisters....

If you grew up in a place like me, you’ve seen your fair share of women, both young and old deal with the untimely death of their husbands, lovers, fathers of their children, son’s and brothers. Since the beginning of time black women have carried and had to push through the grief and pain of losing that special male in their lives. With the recent death of Nippsy Hustle, my mind like many others went to Lauren London and the family they shared. I thought about how without her permission had been inducted into the ever growing line of women who were now mourning the loss of the love of their lives. For many who desire to be aligned with another in a committed space  don’t often talk about the “B” side of being in love and relation with someone. In the world we live in today the loss of life can literally come at any age, yet no one talks about how to be a widow. How do you go on as such a young age without the one you planned to grow old with? How to look your children in the eye and explain that “Mommy or Daddy” is never coming back? I personally don’t have the answers to that question, but my awareness allows me to honor all those who do. Those women who have had to look their children in the eye and bear their pain, all while trying to hide theirs. Lauren London’s story isn’t new to people like me, but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less. Now that the memorial service is over and the weekend is getting ready to come to an end, its when the last guest has gone and its no one there but her and her children to feel the absence of his presence. It’s for those first moments that she’ll experience in the morning when she doesn’t hear the music or smell the sage burning and for all the silent reminders that will hit her hard.....that he’s gone. I pray in those moments when she may feel like she got short changed in life after waiting so long to find that ONE. I pray its in those moments that her tribe of sisters, the widows, the girlfriends, the baby momma’s, the lovers and friends who have come through before her, will show up in force. We have to take care of our sisters, after all, we’re all we got and we have to take care of each other. I imagine that her new found tribe have and will continue to welcome her with open arms and hearts to the table......

I wrote this shortly after I learned of Nippsy’s death. 

                                                   MAKE ROOM

Grief and loss effects everyone differently, during this time of communal loss, make space to honor your feelings. Those feelings of denial, anger, frustration, disbelief, empathy, sympathy, reflection, hurt, sadness, confusion…..they’re all valid. You don’t need anyone’s permission to feel what’s coming up. To those who work with the youth and young adolescents, encourage them to speak their feelings and pain. Not many are familiar with communal loss, although it’s becoming increasingly normalized for some.  Encourage them to express their emotions in healthy ways, writing, rapping, singing, dancing, talking about what they see and experience in their own communities, whatever you need to do, just keep them engaged and talking. Let them know they’re not alone and that people DO care about them, trust me, they NEED to hear it, they need to KNOW it and they definitely need to FEEL it. These tips can be healthy for anyone who’s effected by the death of Nisspy Hustle or anyone in their lives.

Weather you think his knowledge and work with Dr. Sebi is the reason or because someone who was confronted with the consequences of their own past couldn’t handle being called on it, whether you were still mad about the comments and discussion had regarding LGBT people or The gang lifestyle he elevated from, a life, a human life is gone which has created the reliving of trauma for some and the very first experience of grief in others. Where ever you may fall in your belief or experienced lived, know that it’s ok to feel every emotion. Cry, scream and give yourself permission to mourn even if you don’t understand why, paint, sketch, free style, reminisce about the good ol’ days with your boys or girls that are no longer here, make space for it all in this moment.

And to all the woman and men who are wives, husbands, girlfriends, boyfriends, mothers and fathers of children who have lost a parent to the streets, the ones who can understand what those moments are like after you’ve learned that the love of your life will never return in the physical, the one’s who have had to walk or run into emergency rooms and streets tapped off with police tape only to be told that your world has fallen apart, make room for them today. Make room for our sister Lauren London who like many others had to look her children in the eye and explain that the man they knew and loved, wasn’t coming home. Make room today for all the fathers who have had to hold their daughter and comfort their sons because Mommy won’t be home for their birthdays or Christmas or any other special day they will have in their lives. Make room for the conversations of “Why” and “when will daddy be home?”. Make room for the girl who calls her lover in panic or fear when she goes to long and hasn’t heard from him because the fear of the black man not returning home is ever so real. Make room for the mother who obsesses over knowing where her son is at all times because she dreads getting THAT call. Make room for the young widow who was never taught that “till death do you part” comes sooner rather than later. Make room for conversations about grief, loss and the transition of a loved one. While many aspire to be married, not many are talking about the possibility of becoming a widow, at a young age, the side B of it all. Side A only shows the beauty, the joy, the created memories, but Side B is where you live through, you push through with all your might, just to get up some days. Side B of life, the side when the wake, funeral or memorial is over and you’re left with your thoughts and memories, the pain and the physical aching one might experience after a loss of a love so deep. Make room for it all, make room for them today. It’s ok to be sad, it’s ok to not understand why, it’s ok to want to talk about it or not want to talk about it, it’s ok to express your feelings in healthy ways, do it, do it all! Release……it’s ok. This loss is communal, much like the ones some of us experienced back in the day. Yes, we still remember where we were when Tupac, Biggie, Aaliyah all left us with that same feeling that many feel now, so many of us understand and we want you to know that today you are supported and we make room for you! Today, just be gentle, be easy and remember to make room for you and others!

[4mzmahogany]

The Power of an Apology

Today while on different social media sites I’ve seen a LOT of people affected by death or tragedy and some how many of us think that we are invincible and it's just happening to everyone else. When they say life is short, they really mean it, (I’m not sure who they are) You may not get that one last opportunity to tell someone you love them or that you're sorry or how how much they mean to you. One day, you may be forced to say it standing over a hospital bed over a grave. I'm reading many people make statements like "I thought I would see you again" or " I wish I would have said...", and, “now you're gone". Time waits for no one, not even you. I am a living witness that over the years I have allowed my words to cut like a knife to those who have hurt or offended me, but as I’ve grown I’ve realized the power of my words. They lied to us when they said "Words can never harm you" words do hurt and so do actions. Once you say something, you can't take it back.

If someone tells you something you said hurt them, it is NOT your job to argue that you didn't. Be woman or man enough to apologize for your wrongs and make amends. The problem is we as humans don't like putting our pride and ego aside to do what is right, and often what is right will pull you out of your comfort zone, and for some, that’s just too much. You have a right to tell people how they made you feel, and if they really care about you, they will do the work necessary to fix the action. You do not have the right to tear someone down and break their spirit just because you are angry, hurt or "in your feelings". No one has the right to make you feel LESS than, no one! Sometimes God will bring people in your life to show you all the nasty things about yourself that you need to fix, you may not want to hear it, it may not feel good, but it might be necessary. Don't think that you are too good to be told about yourself. It's no always everyone else, many and often times it's you. Apart of living life, is fixing you.

Give people their flowers while they are here. We are all human and we make mistakes, but choosing to not do what it right, well that just adds bad karma to your journey and the thing about karma is, it doesn't just affect you, but everyone your connected to (Family, Friends, Partners etc.) Live your life to the fullest, don't just exist. You never know when your time is going to be up.  I hope you all had a great day because It's a great day to be alive!

[4mzmahogany]

Be aware and conscious of who you allow in your space, having the right people in your life is essential to loving yourself. Listen to your spirit when your around certain people but most importantly, be aware and conscious of the energy that you bring. Be responsible for dealing with your own stuff so that it doesn't spill over and into those who you encounter. Ask yourself, is my spirit inviting? Can my friends count on me? Can I be trusted with the vulnerability and sometimes painful insecurities of my friend without judgement but support or am I clouded by what I think my friend should do? Ask yourself, am I a encourager or an instigator of negativity? If you are pleased with your answer, high five, and keep growing and just as equally if you are aware that some areas need grow, then commit to growing and doing better. Being aware is half the battle! Ms. Mahogany ~Ms. Mahogany~

[4mzmahogany]

"You have tend to the garden" Recently this raised bed garden was started. The bed was built, the soil bought and the vegetables were chosen, they were put in the ground, watered every day for two weeks, and nothing. It didn't seem like anything was happening. After a about a week with relatively no change I began to wonder if something was wrong. I researched how much water the raised beds needed and needed to check if the soil was dry underneath the surface. I didn't get right to it and finally today I decided to check, and what do you know? Dry soil, I mean really dry. On top it was soaked but underneath it was dry as the dessert sun. It was in that moment that I could remember the ol' folks saying "you have to tend the soil" tend the soil; to turn over; why didn't I think of that? and just like a light bulb had went off in my head, I thought to myself, in life we will have a goal, whether it be school, a new job, a relationship, a marriage, a baby or a business, you have to tend the soil. It may look well on the surface, but what lies beneath? You have to get down in there, in the dirt, you know the things we don't want to deal with, feel or heal and tend the soil (do YOUR work). You will never get to see what your garden can and will produce if the soil isn't right. You may need additional things that you didn't know you needed (Therapy, Medication, Education or Training) to accomplish your goal. Yes, things may look great on the surface but your vegetables aren't growing. Yes, you could give up and start again but you'll end up with same result, just in a different box. Ms. Mahogany says: Do the work that needs to be done to get the harvest that awaits! ~Ms. Mahogany ~

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[4mzmahogany]

Note to self day #2 #100daysofhappiness

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Beautiful Prayer

Standing at the alter As living sacrifice, Let the angels of sky, earth, sea and sun heed my call I am in the love of the ALL Hands and heart are open I receive YOU

~my prayer (c)RachaelVel

#gift #ThePresent #abundance #prayerpoem #submit #receive #love #lotus #LotusLove #lotusislove

[4mzmahogany]

That about sums it up......

[4mzmahogany]

This depicts my thoughts of Day #3 of 28 days of LOVING ME!

[4mzmahogany]

Happy New Year

With the new year comes new thoughts, new revelations, and for some new solutions. For me this year, there are no big resolutions, just an overwhelming desire to move beyond the place I am in. This place on days can't be described and often seems too complex to begin to explain or share. It's like a two sided shaded glass maze. Nothing happens as you want it, everything happens unexpected yet the world expects you to keep it together, and for the most part you do. Your spirit man is aware that this place of isolation is about growth, elevated growth, the kind of growing pains that hurt. It causes you to well.....face you, one way or another. That space of transition.....from one place to another. 

Your human spirit is feeling the physical effects of the disappointments, hurt, joys, choices, decisions, and delightful journey along the way.Knowing what needs to be done but questioning if you really know at all. Reconciling your belief that you trust God but have to have it your way so you control what you see as the best possible result, but is that really trust? Fear of releasing control, fear of hurting again, fear of actually living the dreams you've been dreaming about. You've gotten used to dreaming about, it only being a figment of your constant imagination, but what if? 

This year for me appears to be one of faith. Intimate faith, faith that has nothing to do with man, but God. There is something on the horizon that requires a new level of faith. The level I was at previously no longer will serve me for this next leg of the journey. I have to be willing to vulnerable, open (exposed and open to attack) as given my mentor Ms. Angela Harvey. I have to be willing and able to look myself in the mirror and identify those things that cause fear, doubt, shame, guilt, feelings of not being enough, not being good enough, not having enough and confront them. I have to be able to identify that I give my power to people much too fast from one of the most sacred places of who I was created to be. I have to find the true meaning of forgiveness for myself. How can I ever forgive others for actions that have been harmful to me if I can't forgive myself? How can I work on building trust with others if I don't trust myself? Catch that.....we often times boldly demand things from others that we don't demand from ourselves. We're all human so we're going to make mistakes, yes repeated decisions become your choices; what does it serve you to continue to carry the pain and hurt associated with those choices? Yes, confrontation is not always external. Sometimes it is required to be internal. 

You don't have to be perfect, but you do have to do the work to be better! Actually getting up and doing the work. It's only you who really suffers unnecessarily in the end and prolongs you on your journey. You can't control how people treat you, that's their responsibility not yours, but what you can control is what you allow and accept into your life, your space, your heart, your soul and your spirit. You have been given the power to change anything you are not happy with in your life. It's not going to be easy all the time, sometimes it going to hurt like hell and make you feel like you hate everybody walking.....but keep going, don't stop. Without being destructive to your process and journey find something to hold on to, but know that what you do in the "Meantime" does count. Use your down time as your "prep" time. There is nothing worse than praying for something only to have your prayers answered, and you are caught slipping and not ready! How many blessings have you missed because you weren't ready?

I say to you this year, don't let another blessing pass you by, don't wait on another apology that might never come, don't say stuck on the pain or betrayal that you went through, but ask yourself this, if it already happened, can you change it? If the answer is no, then do yourself a favor and let it go. Release it as a validated experience on your journey that you survived. It didn't kill you, but rather made you smarter, wiser, and even more aware of you. What did you learn about you? Some of us are so scared to live without a controlled experiment that we fear living in faith or the unknown. 

So here is to a happy year, a year in which you, no we have to create our own definition of happiness. We have to have the courage to stand up for ourselves and show people how to treat us. It doesn't make you selfish it displays how much you love yourself. It can be done in a gentle and kind way but know it must be done. We can no longer expect that everyone shares the same definition of anything in life. Therefore, help yourself, love yourself enough to show the world how you desire and declare you want to be treated. You are worth it, and you deserve it! So here's to a HAPPY NEW YEAR indeed!

With Love,

Mz. Mahogany

[4mzmahogany]

The Art of Human Presence

I have heard Oprah say several times….all everybody in life wants is to be seen….Avatar is now one of my favorite movies not for all the 3D graphics or affects but for the teaching and display of what it means to “See” another human being. To really see them, not for the clothes that you are wearing or how much money you have in your bank account…..but to actually acknowledge the energy flowing through your body.

When you physically connect with the humanness of another human being, when you acknowledge that they are indeed alive and breathing. ..energy is flowing in their bodies. ..it’s the one lesson I learned in bible study not too long ago…just because you don’t have money to give a homeless person doesn’t mean that you can’t make eye contact with them.

When someone sneezes, a simple “Bless you” will do. Really wishing blessings upon them. When you are talking to someone and another walks up….introduce them…anything less than is just rude!

Most people want to be so deep when it comes to wanting to be connected but I have a secret that will prob mess some folks up….ITS NOT THAT DEEP!

Give someone eye contact, Bless them authentically, actually listen to what they're saying, send a text to let someone know you were thinking about them. Connection starts with you and me, not externally. Reach out and touch...somebody!

With Love,

Mz. Mahogany

[4mzmahogany]

Oh yes.....just once

Run your fingers through my soul.

Run your fingers through my soul.

Run your fingers through my soul.

Run your fingers through my…

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