#i throw all my dictionaries in the fire

[themachomoron]

If reincarnation is real I wonder how many people stare at their own art in museums, listen to their own music they made in a different life and read books they don't remember writing

[shoyohnt]

when Nizar Qabbani said, “I throw my passport in the sea, and name you my country. I throw all my dictionaries in the fire, and named you my language.” and when he said, “Give me a daughter with your stubborn heart, or your even temper. Give our children your dark-bright eyes, or your enchanted smile. So that even when we are gone, the world will find within them all of the reasons why I loved you.” and when he said, “Had I told the sea what I felt for you, it would have left its shores, its shells, its fish, and followed me.” and when he said

[see-arcane]

Do you have any writing tips that work for you?

I acknowledge that the first draft's probably going to suck.

There are probably holes in it and the same sentence repeated ten times and enough typos to make the dictionary gain enough sentience to cry in despair. That's fine. That's how first drafts are supposed to be. Future drafts exist to fix that. me @ me: Do Not Worry About the First Draft.

If I don't have to write in cold blood, I do not do it.

Unless I'm writing something on the clock for a job, I am writing for me, me, me. Scribbling is my hobby. My beloved terrible sandbox to play in. If I am not having fun building X Sandcastle, I pivot to Y Sandcastle. Because sometimes it's not always a matter of, 'Oh, you just want to get through the boring part to get to this neat scene!' Sometimes a story just loses its flavor in the moment. And if I'm not having a good time with it, oftentimes I'm writing garbage I'll end up deleting anyway. Not worth throwing that time away. No Fun? No Write.

I get inspired! (positive)

Reading or watching something with the Vibes I want for my current project gets my brain battery going. Sometimes I'll even catch myself going into 'parrot mode' to break through a writer's block by going, "Well, if it was happening in X Universe and using X Style of storytelling, what would it sound like?' And then I'm off.

I get inspired. (spite. loathing. hatred and bile unending.)

Being inspired to make something new in the footsteps of your most beloved storytellers: uwu🌸

Being inspired to make literally anything without inhibition, be it a story or a bowel movement, because either one would be a step up from the flaming legacy of horseshit inflicted on you by a Particular Piece of Media: owo 🔪

I can't stop. I can't stop.

I have two Word documents open right now. I have ten notebooks in use. I cannot go one (1) day without writing unless I am physically paralyzed with illness or pain, and even then I am thinking of Things I Will Write once I'm upright. My Muse is the most giving one around, but said giving is hitting like a waterfall and I am perpetually flattened into the Earth's crust by the sheer abundance of WRITE WRITE WRITE blasting into my head at all hours.

But on that note, one of the best things for my writing?

Forcing myself not to write.

Seriously.

Taking a break that involves Absolutely No Creation of Text is vital. Reading. Drawing. Watching a new movie. Making a meal that takes more effort than 'dumping some Cheerios and an apple in a bowl to eat next to the computer/notebook.' It all helps me unplug and not go insane with making scene after scene after scene. Writer Brain needs to cool off with Non-Writing things or it'll catch on fire*.

*Read: Lead to full burnout on a story that I genuinely wanted to work on. What a waste.

[redinkscrawl]

Redd Reviews: THE MASQUERADE by Seth Dickinson

Genre: SciFi/Fantasy

Major Tropes: Hero corruption arc, slow burn, enemies to lovers, enemies to friends, morally gray characters, women's wrongs, righteous rebellion, bury your gays*, unreliable narrator

Representation Rating: A

(brown lesbian mc, mostly LGBT and nonwhite characters, written by a queer?** author. Some disability rep but could be better/have more imo.)

*On the subject of bury your gays, there's nothing I can say that @canmom hasn't said better. But rest assured, while gays are buried, other gays survive and may even thrive.

**The only reference I can find to Seth Dickinson being queer is in that same blogpost by canmom, which states that Dickinson was questioning his pronouns on Twitter at that point in time. I can't find his Twitter, found no note of queerness on his website, and have only seen him referred to as he/him. That said, this is a wonderfully queer book, and it sure seems like a queer author wrote it.

Young and brilliant Baru Cormorant's home has been slowly invaded, slowly and insidiously taken over by the Empire of the Mask. So she vows her revenge. But what extremes will she have to go to to take down the empire from the inside?

Full of political and economic intrigue, ship battles and sword fights, and twists and turns, these books are the book series I've always wanted to write.

My Thoughts

Overall

"This is the truth. You will know because it hurts."

These books are fucking fascinating. The worldbuilding is strong, beautifully done, and incredibly interesting to boot. The characters are AMAZING and extremely rich. The fictional cultures are complex and gorgeous. The plot becomes increasingly more unhinged, beginning with accounting and political intrigue and ending with cancer cults. And the plot is so smart. So are the rest of the books. (Keep a dictionary handy!) Beauty and brutality in equal measure, these books may make you cry or laugh or both, but they'll definitely keep you turning pages.

My verdict: READ THESE BOOKS.

Book 1: The Traitor Baru Cormorant

This book is one I'll never forget. The highs are high, and the lows are low. If Dickinson has one gift, it's making you care about the accounting and minutiae of this damn rebellion. This book has so much heart it can hardly contain it, and a deep reverence for the common people, despite being about a savant in a powerful position acting against other individuals in powerful positions.

Baru as a character is just... chef's kiss. You root for her when she does good, you root for her when she does evil. It's all but impossible to not want her to succeed.

Fascinatingly, The Traitor Baru Cormorant works as a standalone novel, which makes sense since it originated as a short story. But this is a rare quality amongst firsts in fantasy series, I've found. To me this just demonstrates Dickinson's skill at storytelling.

The names of characters and places are frequently very difficult. I love them. Most characters have distinctly ethnic names, though not necessarily from real ethnicities. Many are difficult for my English-addled brain to pronounce, but they are beautiful and distinct. The world is exceptionally immersive.

If you didn't like the political intrigue and minutiae of A Song of Ice and Fire, you won't like this book. If you did, this is 100% the book for you.

The twists are delicious and the ending is ultra emotional, and expertly executed. I was sobbing. I wanted to throw the book, but I had to keep reading.

Rating: 👛👛👛👛👛/5

Book 2: The Monster Baru Cormorant

This book falters, just slightly, for me. It's still a fascinating, somehow quick read, but it just didn't hit me the way the other two books did. Baru spends a lot of time seemingly achieving nothing, and while every plot point is vital to Baru's character later on... they don't always seem worthwhile at the time. I just can't give The Monster Baru Cormorant a perfect score.

I don't like the switch to first person for Xate Yawa's POV. I found it jarring and out-of-place in a novel that is otherwise third person, and where Yawa is not the main character. This bothered me less and less as the novel went on (and into the next,) but still. The choice doesn't make sense to me, since we already get character's thoughts through the third person limited POV. I'd like to pick the author's brain about this.

I do love how much we learn about the world of The Masquerade in this book. The world expands exponentially, as evidenced by the expanded map. I'm kind of obsessed with the concept of trim; the concept that all things are connected to all things, and one should live accordingly, to put it simply. The Oriati culture is fascinating and just so, so beautiful.

Rating: 🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️.5/5

Book 3: The Tyrant Baru Cormorant

This book is INSANE. And gods, Seth Dickinson really keeps you reading! The tension is off the charts and the cliffhangers hit where it hurts. Some might call some of the cliffhangers cheap, but since the characters believe in the tension, I believe in the tension. That makes all the difference for me.

This book shines in the logistics. Clearly Dickinson did his research on, like, everything. Economics of course, but also ship parts and naval strategy and brain injury and every other detail I can't remember but that made the story feel so, so real.

The horrors released in this book shook me, and the hopes birthed in this book are delightfully optimistic in comparison. The end of this book is a relatively triumphant, happy ending...which is kind of crushing when you remember that there's going to at least be a fourth book.

I can't state enough that this book is crazy, but I can't tell you much more without spoilers. A definite page-turner. If you liked the first two books, you'll love this one.

Rating: 🗺️🗺️🗺️🗺️🗺️/5

Book 4: Upcoming

And I can't wait.

Rating: 🎭🎭🎭🎭🎭/5

Check out waffalet's elf girl maker here.

[mythoughttherapy]

“I throw my passport in the sea, And name you my country. I throw all of my dictionaries in the fire, And name you my language.”

—Nizar Qabbani

[setaripendragon]

Sunlight by Hozier - in Mando'a

If you remember this post where I translated I See Fire into Sindarin, you probably won't be all that surprised by this. I've fallen head-first into the Star Wars fandom (admittedly second-hand, but still), and of course, being me, I went straight for the conlangs. Mando'a might not be the most fleshed out language of the GFFA, but it is the one with the most Culture, at least in the fandom, so it's the one I gravitated to. And honestly, I really like how... brisk it is? It drops unnecessary pronouns and verbs, barely bothers with tense at all, and contracts everything. It's so much fun to play with.

Sunlight isn't the first song I started translating into it (that would be Born For This from the Spiderverse movie), but it is the first one I've finished, because matching Mando'a to English scansion is hell. It struck me as a very Codywan song, which is why I picked it to translate (yes, I do imagine Obi-wan composing/singing it in honour of Cody pretty much every time I listen to it).

I did have to make up a couple of words because the dictionary I use didn't have even a near-equivalent to the concept I was looking for, and those will be marked with a * and I'll add the 'etymology' of them at the end. (If anyone knows any other Mando'dictionaries, throwing me a link will win you my undying gratitude.) I also had to get creative with my interpreations of the meaning of certain lines, since, just to pick the most obvious example, Mandalorians probably don't have the myth of Icarus like we do.

Any feedback, advice, or just general linguistics flailing is always welcome. Now, without further ado, here it is:

Tran'nau* (Sunlight)

Ni ru'nevor nau (I shunned the light) Ru'medinui naak be ca'tra (I shared in the peace of night) Ni nu'mirdi ba'slanar (I wouldn't think to leave) Par tran'nau, tran'nau, tran'nau (For sunlight, sunlight, sunlight)

Tion'ad karta nu'redal (Whose heart doesn't dance) Dar'shekemi tra be ca'tra (Wouldn't abandon the stars of night) Sha solyc hettyc haa'it (At first burning vision) Be tran'nau, tran'nau, tran'nau (Of sunlight, sunlight, sunlight)

Ni r'echoyla ba'gar, tran'nau (I was lost to you, sunlight) Ru'miy sa kisen* ba'gar, tran'nau (Flew like a moth to you, sunlight) Ner tran'nau (My sunlight)

Gar kar'tayli tran'nau (Your love is sunlight) Gar kar'tayli tran'nau, tran'nau, tran'nau (Your love is sunlight, sunlight, sunlight)

Gehat'ik arasuum (The tale remains the same) Ru'rejor bal ven'rejor (Told before and told again) Runi ru'got* lo ciryc pitat (The soul that's born in the cold rain) Kar'mir tran'nau, tran'nau, tran'nau (Knows sunlight, sunlight, sunlight)

Mar'e lis dinuir gai (At last I can give a name) Ba tracin haaranovyc (To a hidden flame) Sa kar'tayli darasuum (As love/knowing forever) Ner tran'nau, tran'nau, tran'nau (My sunlight, sunlight, sunlight)

An tengaana ba'ni, tran'nau (All that's displayed to me, sunlight) Ratiin kar'mir ba'ni, tran'nau (Is always known to me, sunlight) Ner tran'nau (My sunlight) Gar kar'tayli tran'nau (Your love is sunlight) Gar kar'tayli tran'nau, tran'nau, tran'nau (Your love is sunlight, sunlight, sunlight)

Gar kar'tayli tran'nau (Your love is sunlight) Gar kar'tayli tran'nau, tran'nau, tran'nau (Your love is sunlight, sunlight, sunlight)

Tran'nau (Sunlight)

An ner alii'gai* lo gar gaan solus (All that I am is in your hands) Ke'juri ni ulyc, ner tran'nau (Carry me carefully, my sunlight) An ner alii'gai* lo gar gaan solus (All that I am is in your hands) Ke'juri ni ulyc, ner tran'nau (Carry me carefully, my sunlight)

Antuur* mhi cuy tome (Everyday we exist together) Kar'mir gar ner shereshoy (Know that you're my reason for living) Ner oya bal kyr slati* gar (My life and death belong to you) Ner tran'nau, tran'nau, tran'nau (My sunlight, sunlight, sunlight)

Narbatir* sen'tra (Wearing a jetpack) Kyr'nayl'gam* briikasyc (I'm death-trap clad happily) Galar carud ni trattokor (Spilling smoke I fall) Chur tran'nau, tran'nau, tran'nau (Under sunlight, sunlight, sunlight)

Gar kar'tayli tran'nau (Your love is sunlight) Gar kar'tayli tran'nau, tran'nau, tran'nau (Your love is sunlight, sunlight, sunlight)

Gar kar'tayli tran'nau (Your love is sunlight) Gar kar'tayli tran'nau, tran'nau, tran'nau (Your love is sunlight, sunlight, sunlight)

Gar kar'tayli tran'nau (Your love is sunlight) Gar kar'tayli tran'nau, tran'nau, tran'nau (Your love is sunlight, sunlight, sunlight)

Gar kar'tayli tran'nau (Your love is sunlight) Gar kar'tayli tran'nau, tran'nau, tran'nau (Your love is sunlight, sunlight, sunlight)

Tran'nau (Sunlight) Tran'nau (Sunlight) Tran'nau (Sunlight) Tran'nau (Sunlight) Tran'nau (Sunlight)

[*tran'nau = tra (star field)/tranyc (sunny) + nau (light)] [*kisen (moth) = kih (small) + senaar (bird)] [*ru'got (born) = ru- (past prefix) + goten (birth)] [*alii'gai (identity) = aliit (clan)/aliik (sigil/symbol) + gai (name). This is technically already a word that means 'colours', but I took that to mean specifcally the colours one wears on their armour, the 'face' they show the world, i.e. their identity.] [*antuur (everyday) = anay (every) + tuur (day)] [*slatir (to belong to) = slanar (to go) + ti (with). I took the inspiration for this from the etymology of the word 'belong' in English.] [*narbatir (to wear/to put on) = narir (to put) + bat (on)] [*kyr'nayl'gam (death-trap-skinned) = kyr (end/death) + gaanaylir (to trap) + 'gam (skin). Since beskar'gam is literally 'metal-skin' and the word for skin literally translates to 'soft-skin', I figured it could also be poetically used to mean 'clad in']

[balanceoflightanddark]

Poking the Bear

Not too long ago, my good friend @akiizayoi4869 recently made a post detailing a rather...verbose discussion that happened on the TheLastAirbender subreddit. If you haven't seen it before, here's a link detailing to that post in question. To summarize real quickly, it's about a discussion of how the Gaang was acting in self-defense towards Azula during the events of The Search.

...to begin, let's see what a definition of self-defense really is. Trust me, I'm going somewhere with this:

self-defense

n. the use of reasonable force to protect oneself or members of the family from bodily harm from the attack of an aggressor, if the defender has reason to believe he/she/they is/are in danger. Self-defense is a common defense by a person accused of assault, battery or homicide. The force used in self-defense may be sufficient for protection from apparent harm (not just an empty verbal threat) or to halt any danger from attack, but cannot be an excuse to continue the attack or use excessive force. Examples: an unarmed man punches Allen Alibi, who hits the attacker with a baseball bat. That is legitimate self-defense, but Alibi cannot chase after the attacker and shoot him or beat him senseless. If the attacker has a gun or a butcher knife and is verbally threatening, Alibi is probably warranted in shooting him. Basically, appropriate self-defense is judged on all the circumstances. Reasonable force can also be used to protect property from theft or destruction. Self-defense cannot include killing or great bodily harm to defend property, unless personal danger is also involved, as is the case in most burglaries, muggings or vandalism.

-taken from the Legal Dictionary on Law.com as found here.

The key phrase here is "the use of reasonable force to protect oneself or members of the family from bodily harm from the attack of an aggressor". It effectively means that self-defense boils down to defending yourself from a legitimate threat.

Thing is...Azula never actually presents herself as a threat to the Gaang in the comics. Unpleasant to be certain, but she's not to the point she's throwing fire at them or anything. Hell, she even saved Sokka's ungrateful ass from Spirit Vines and fended off the Wolf Spirit. The only time she did act aggressively was when she was in the middle of a breakdown.

And to be more specific, she reacted to this happening:

What did Azula do? Have a psychotic episode where she couldn't even tell right from wrong or even know what was real.

...yeah...

Hell, at worst she accuses them all of conspiring with Ursa to ruin her life...but granted considering they've been treating her like absolute trash from day one, it's kind of easy to make that assumption.

Remember the boomerang scene?

Sokka literally makes a threat, Azula's not too impressed, and shoots him with lightning. Without the intent in injure mind you. And what's the follow up?

Katara assaults her for no damn reason, then Zuko blames Azula for escalating things.

This is not self defense. Especially if Azula's not actually being actively hostile. This is downright harassment. And it's a constant throughout the comic. It's already horrendous enough that Azula is suffering from hallucinations and clearly isn't in her right mind, yet every time they come at her with violence instead of trying to deescalating the situation.

But it's somehow even worse when you consider how fucking stupid the Gaang are acting.

They are doing everything in their power to provoke Azula and inciting her to violence. Who I might add is a fairly skilled firebender who shouldn't be estimated whether she's mentally sound or not. Their actions have cultivated a scenario where violence is inevitable. And they've got nobody but themselves to blame if something happened. Hell, if Azula wasn't mistreated at the asylum and in better fighting condition, one of them would probably end up DEAD.

I'm sorry, but you can't exactly have your heroes not only be cruel, but be this mindmeltingly stupid. It's the equivalent of launching the Hulk into space with a faulty shuttle that could explode and cause serious damage if you push the right buttons. What the hell did you THINK was gonna happen?

[killacharacterbingo]

Prompt Master List

(Updated as prompts are added)

If any prompts don't make sense check this post: A prompt explained and A prompt explained II

Switching Places

Near-Death Experience

Drowning

Dumb Ways To Die

Blood Loss

Suicide

Your Worst Fear

Sacrifice

Sickness

Lightning

Fire

Hard Choices

Dead On Their Feet

Hero/Villain Swap

Torture

Crossover

Covid

Tomorrow Isn't Promised

Car Accident

Falling

Presumed Dead

Storm-Chasing

Canon Compliant

Never Meet Your Heroes

Stalker

Dictionary Death

Friendly Fire

13th Reasons Why

Musical Death

Survivor's Guilt

Conversation With Death

Collateral Damage

Test Subject

Pulling The Plug

Yandere

Betrayal

One Punch Can Kill

Medical Malpractice

The Blip

Cast It Into The Fire

"I Have The High Ground"

Deactivated

Once Bitten Twice Shy

Bleeding Blue

To Be Or Not To Be

Stabbing

Car Crash

Mugging Gone Wrong

Into The Woods

Death Of The Soul

Dormammu, I’ve Come To Bargain

The Cake Is A Lie

Even Heroes Die

With Great Power 

Sacrificed To The Gods

“Sometimes Death Is Better”

"I Finally Have Something To Leave Behind"

Natural Disaster

Mistaken Identity

Bucketlist 

Ten Years Later

Not So Secret Monologues

180 - The Character Doesn't Die

Final Destination

Raped To Death

Chronic Illness

Outed As A Spy

Bulletproof Vest

Sung To Sleep Forever 

A Soft Epilogue 

Wait For Me In Valhalla 

“I Was Saving My ten” - pain scale

“There’s A Boat Jack” 

Married Life Montage 

“You Have Your Mother’s Eyes” 

Russian Roulette

Guinea Pig

Defenestration

Karma’s A Bitch

Toxic Gas

Murder-Suicide

Famous last words

"Hey, i think we're going to be okay after all!"

"I'll always come back!"

In another's arms

Accident

Revenge

"You can rest now..."

A long time ago

Falls through the Ice

Asthma attack

Shock

Hypothermia

Pushed to the Limit

Commotio Cordis

Death row

Breaking the 4th wall

Wikihow to Die

Time loop

“If I can’t have you…”

Cardiovascular collapse

Allergic reaction

Erased from existence

Dead all along

Dying alone

Gunshot

Blood from the mouth

Patient zero

Old age

Overdose

Fatal Weakness

Assassinated

Infection

Suffocation

One moment stretched into a thousand

Origin story gone wrong

Area 51 raid

Trapped in a tiny space

Poison

Hanahaki / Hanakanjo / Hanauso

Tenshibyou

Kousekibyou

Shinshoubyou

Bouaishoukougun

Hoshinamidabyou

Death by ordinary illness

Hit and run

Starvation

Stroke

War

Cancer

Mercy Killing

Plane crash

Brain death

Fireworks

Death by seduction

Death bed confession

Organ Transplant

Their Legacy Is continued

Bound By Fate

Running out of time

Can’t breathe

Apocalypse

Shot down

Sepsis

Saving Throws – DnD

CPR

Self-harm

Smoke inhalation

Death by coconut

“Help me!”

Climbing accident

Blood-stained tiles

“You weren’t meant to be there”

“I love you”

“No… not like this”

Dug their own grave

Undead

Bees

The AO3 Curse

Deathly kiss

Going through hell

Meeting at the gates

Return from Hiatus

"watch out for the flying blades!"

5+1

Roofie

Left for dead

Strapped to a bomb

Hunger games

Zombification

Order 66

Aneurism

Executed

Lobotomy

Murder on the dance floor

Come to terms with death

“It’s okay”

Keeps dying

Letting go

Coma

Appendicitis

Neuromuscular blockade

Unfriendly pet

Explosion

Aftershock

Takotsubo cardiomyopathy

Faking their own death

Post traumatic amnesia

Schrödinger's paradox

Arbitrary hilarious death

Lack of Oxygen

High altitude

Diving deep

180 - the character becomes the killer

Angel of death

"You're going down with me!”

Never got to say goodbye

Graphic gore

Haunted

Calamity

The end of the world

Immortalized

Uploaded to the server

Reincarnated

Deleted

Sheep in wolves' clothing

Electrocuted

Adrenaline crash

911

Alternate universe ending

Radioactive

Acting on instinct

Collapses

“I miss you…”

Those left behind

Wind phone

Life support

Time Paradox

Temporary character death

Death during childbirth

PTSD

Cannibalism

Nightmares

Life flashing before your eyes

… Needs a hug

Headcanon

Returning home

Internal bleeding

Death of the universe

Empath

Relapse

Last person alive

“Sorry I have already tried and failed at it.”

“I told you so”

[elizabethanism]

I throw my passport in the sea, and name you my country. I throw all my dictionaries in the fire, and name you my language.

Nizar Qabbani

[themachomoron]

When Mary Shelly wrote "I have love in me the likes of which you can scarcely imagine and rage the likes of which you would not believe. If I cannot satisfy the one, I will indulge the other" god I really felt that

[iloveamagician]

OH, DISMEMBERMENT PLAN...

what an insane band name, when I first started listening to them, I had no idea what "to dismember" meant, I only looked up the dictionary definition after seeing people's reactions such as "????????" and "the WHAT plan????!!!!", when they had been recommended the band. It happens. I feel it belongs to the experience of people who aren't native speakers of English, yet they've grown up surrounded by music in the language. Music comes first, lyrics second, meaning... third??

I still have a clear memory of ten-year-old me memorizing all the lyrics to my favorite Linkin Park songs. While I recognized some of the words I was singing along to, I wasn't able to decipher their meanings and wasn't even trying to. That band was my first real obsession. Hyperfixation, perhaps. They were the music I would play when I was given access to youtube on the family computer. Turns out I didn't get to grow up to be the person who gets the aux. In my teenage years I went through so many more music phases, a journey I'd love to discover in better detail across many more posts in the future. There was my metal phase with a milion subphases within it (since there is probably more subgenres than bands), then a prog and alt rock phase, then in the summer of 2019 a friend introduced me — 16 year old, coming to terms with their newly discovered queer identity — to car seat headrest, which swept me like an ocean wave and irreversibly changed my music taste and also me as a person.

The world of indie music opened itself to me, so many new artists, bands, but more importantly specific albums by those artists, dc snuff film/waste yrself, the glow pt. 2, itaots, souvlaki... all the classics, but none of them had a hold on me as strong as Twin Fantasy by CSH, Come In by Weatherday, Funeral by Arcade Fire, YWNKW by Sweet Trip, and – well, my Elliott Smith obsession was yet to come but we can count XO in there too. But in the midst of all these albums, you could find Emergency & I, a record that I enjoyed when I first listened to it, I didn't really think much of it, but I really felt the need to return to it. And then again and again, I best enjoyed the fun, most standard songs, What Do You Want Me To Say and Gyroscope, I loved hearing the small weird details in them, the time signatures, the mindblowing drumming... the album didn't mean a lot to me at first. I was still 17 when I first heard it, I needed to grow into it.

A year later I got into a long distance relationship, I started university, I moved from my small town to a big city. And it sucked, I wasn't really able to make any friends, I couldn't handle the pressure of schoolwork, my depression got much worse, my adhd meds weren't really doing anything, at some point I stopped leaving my dorm room and I ended up sinking into a deep metaphorical pit and eventually dropping out after four months. Fun stuff. The reason why I am mentioning all this is that there is a strong correlation between my music journey and my life journey. And Emergency & I is the college age young adult album. There is so much loneliness packed into it but it's not exactly sad or depressing. This album can be kind of laid back, or extremely anxious, it can be very nihilistic and dystopian, it can be very fun or it can completely rip your heart out, it can make you think "yeah I do know these people", it can be very silly and the next second it throws the most poetic and beautiful words at you that fill your heart and head with an abundance of images and feelings. And it gets better the more you grow into it and the more you relate to it, and even if you don't relate to everything, the songwriting and storytelling is so perfect and emotionally intense that it will rip its claws into you and never let you go.

In the last year and a half I've managed to get myself into a much better place in terms of mental health and academic success. I started studying again, this time a subject I love (languages), I found some amazing friends, the long distance relationship has turned into a less distance relationship and we see each other relatively often and things are going great and I finally realized that Emergency & I is the best album ever made. Because even when everything is going great, maintaining all those parts of my life is not easy at all and this album knows it too well. Okay, maybe it is not the best album ever made, but it is the best album for me. At this stage of my life.

But do I claim that after over three years, I understand the meaning of this album perfectly? Not really. Well, I bet not even Travis Morrison does, because how could he have predicted the intensity of the feelings I go through each time I listen to the album, or the impossible to fill void that appears inside of my chest after the final track ends, making me long for more of those feelings but also making me sad becuase there is nothing else quite like E&I...

And, you know, maybe I was wrong and the song meaning does not come third. Maybe the first time you listen to a song, it already means something to you. Maybe that is why I was drawn back to the album. Each time I listen to it I am a different person. And the songs mean different things. Of course I understand more of the song lyrics the more I read them and listen to them and analyze them but words can only go so far in terms of meaning. The band created the songs with certain ideas in their heads but those ideas have been transformed so many times, from their minds through their instruments, on paper, to the recordings, the masters, and then to the ears and minds of thousands of people, through different mediums, through different means of discovery. Songs mean different things to you when a friend recommends them to you or when you find them on your own, even before you listen to them. And I am not even mentioning live performances where your body vibrates with the music and the room and the songs are changed ever so slightly each time. Nobody experiences music the same way.

And I could talk for hours about what exactly the album means to me but I cannot and also do not want to fit all of it in one post. I want to dedicate a separate post to each of the songs on this album, which is one of the things my blog is going to be about, but I don't want to limit myself to being only a dismemberment plan fan, I want to document my music journey here, both by looking into the past and sharing my current favorites (for example get ready for a ton of weatherday posting this year). This post is just me speaking random sentences into the void, to prepare everyone for all of my future long posts, which are also going to be me ranting into the void, hoping things will end up making at least some sense to at least one of you (assuming somebody will read this, but I know this place is full of nerds just as obsessed with things as me (or even more, actually) so my chances aren't a complete zero).

tldr listen to dismemberment plan, it might change your life. I am not conscious enough to proofread. goodnight <3

[krcdgamedev]

On second thought the "super" thing isn't quite as useful as I thought, because the function to calculate stats needs to be overridden to, you know, change how the stats are calculated, and I'm pretty sure the base class code that sets the default stats will be calling the base stat calculation function not the extended one. I could probably do something stupid and circuitous to circumvent that (and I already have an idea what I'd do), but for now it's just a nice thing to know is possible.

… Actually, no, according to my highly sophisticated debugging techniques, calling setstats from the levelup function, which only exists in the base class, calls the extended version of the function (which then calls the base version). Neat!

Anyway, let's talk about level-up moves. The format for defining levelup moves needs to be able to handle the following scenarios:

Multiple moves learned at the same level (so you can't have a dict and get moves[level], unless you're willing to manage possibly getting an array of moves from that)

Moves learned on evolution, moves only available via move-relearner tutors (in the Pokemon games these aren't gated by level so could be listed as level -1, -2 etc, but I think being able to add a level definition could be interesting. Like, you evolve Vulpix to Ninetales after the level where Ninetales normally learns Flamethrower, it'll learn Flamethrower, but before that it learns Fire Spin. Or you hit a certain level and new moves are available via the relearner tutor.)

Other wacky shit (imagine having like a 1/5 chance to learn a move at a certain level based on the mon's unique data or some shit lol)

The simplest method would be an array of [level,move] pairs in some form. The only other Pokemon-like game in Godot I've seen, the Pokemon Uranium port, does this

Which actually seems kind of appealing. You could have an optional third parameter for additional data, defaulting to an empty dict or something, where you could pass in tags indicating a move is learned on evo, or relearner-only, or what have you.

However an even simpler method occured to me: two separate arrays, one for simple moves and one for moves with additional parameters. For the first array you expect each entry to be a two-element array, for the second a three-element array. That last element could be a dictionary or just an array of flags.

Performance isn't all that important. Even in the most insane case of some gimmick mon that learns five different moves per level (which sounds like a fun idea, actually…) it's only a 500-element array, which isn't that slow to iterate through. If it's assumed entries are sorted by level, a binary search method can be used to speed it up as well.

That all should be good, so I'm left with the last barrier to implementing levelup movesets: creating levelup movesets for everything. For the pointless placeholder creatures of the useless default project I can just throw in whatever, but for my couple of original games, well, it's time to get designing. In the meantime maybe I'll start theorizing on how to implement save files or something.

[89rooms]

I throw my passport in the sea, And name you my country.

I throw all my dictionaries in the fire, and name you my language.

Nizar Qabbani

[donut-cloud]

Lifesteal incorrect quotes

Leo, pointing to the wall: What color is this?

Cube: Gray.

Jaron: Grey.

Leo, turning to Branzy: Now tell them what color you think it is.

Branzy: Dark white.

Red: *walking into spawn with a clown wig and red nose* 

 Pangi: Why are you dressed like that? 

 Red: I'm just matching the vibes in here.

Subz: What are you two fighting about? 

 Oasis: Vitalasy keeps saying phrases wrong! 

 Vitalasy: Oh cry me a table!

Zam: Could you guys at least try to see this from my perspective? 

Spoke: *crouches down* 

Clown: *kneels down*

 Red: *sits on the floor* 

Zam: ...

Zam: I hate all of you.

Cube: And here you can see the wild Leo in his natural habitat 

 Leo: *Falls down stairs, cereal spilling out of his pockets* 

 Cube: Natural selection is coming for this specimen

Pangi: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me! 

 Zam: *throws a dictionary*

Parrot: What is your resolution for the new year? 

 Spoke: 1080p 

 Parrot: No.

Clown: I assume you realize that this kind of idiocy will not be tolerated on this server.

 Ash: Is there any kind of idiocy you would be more comfortable with?

Jaron: I'm so tired of this life. I want to be a roomba. I want knives taped to me. And I want to be set loose.

Vitalasy: I turned out perfectly fine! 

 Subz: Vitalasy, this morning you thought a ghost made your toast 

 Vitalasy: I DIDN'T PUT THE BREAD IN! YOU DIDN'T PUT THE BREAD IN!!

Parrot: Are you really planning to shoot the demon?

Spoke: Don't worry, it's a holy gun.

Parrot: How so?

Spoke: It makes holes.

Red: *standing on a balcony and sneezes* 

 Ash: *standing on the roof* Bless you. 

 Red: God?!

Parrot: Why did you get here so late?

Branzy: Well...

Ashswag: We were in the elevator for fifteen minutes panicking thinking we were stuck.

Spoke: Only to find out nobody pressed the button.

Ro: Bottling up negative emotions is bad for your health, so you shouldn't do it.

Mappic: I know, that's why I bottle up all my emotions, both positive and negative, so it cancels out.

Ro: Th-that's not how that works-

SPoke: I wish puberty took you to a customize character screen.

Parrot: Do you realize how many people would be dragons?

Vortex: You say that like it’s a bad thing.

Clownpierce: I’ve had the same will since I was 8 years old.

Branzy: [reading it] “Upon my death, all my belongings shall transfer to the man or animal who has killed me.” What are these weird symbols?

Clownpierce: The man who kills me will know.

Branzy: I really like murder mysteries.

Clownpierce:  I've been a suspect in four murder cases.

Planet: Do you ever feel bugs on you when really there’s nothing there?

Jaron: Those are the ghosts of the bugs you killed before.

Planet:...

Reddoons: Ashswag?! I thought you died!!

Ashswag in excruciating pain but unable to pass up the opportunity: I... Got better.

Ro: Why are you on fire?

Mappic: This is just how my day is going.

[adela-anon]

“I throw all my dictionaries in the fire and name you my language.”

@berkshire-boy