zuwatisbubbles

[zuwatisbubbles]

Happy Friday, it’s a Girl!

I had this Chemistry teacher back in high school. The weirdest. Dressed up funny or better put, carelessly. However, super intelligent. I happened to be one of those who would be outcasts in other schools or situations, but I held my own. Good grades, prefect status(es) and a couple of random things that didn't make me seem unusual. Nice long nails too.  

Back to the story. This man never saw me crack a smile. Ever! Especially during his lectures. He would make comments about people who never smiled, while he looked at me. Then one day during a class, from random chemistry gist, I heard; "the most unhappy people are the ones born on a Friday". I immediately went; "Huh?!!!!"   To think that we never spoke directly to each other. I don't even remember his name. Until this day, I don't know why he said that. I don't even know if he checked to see what day I was born, but it drove me crazy. I had to find out. Try finding calendars or calculating your birthday manually over 13 years. In a boarding house. In 2003. I was frantic. I did the math, but I still wasn't certain. 

Didn't forget for years to come. I finally confirmed it on one of those digital clocks& guess what! I was born on a Friday. I still check, every chance I get. Not like I'm expecting the day to change somehow. But it's a nagging thought that comes with seeing a calendar. Makes it worse now with these smart phones.  

Truth be told, I really don't smile too often. However, I try not to frown. It is really just a straight genuine nice face. But my mum seems to make it her duty to make me laugh. Bless her. And my baby sister. She would go to any lengths to make me happy. 

So, today more than any other, I accept& acknowledge my unsmiling face. I know I'm at peace with myself and the world. Every now& then a good or funny thought crosses my mind, which I express it with the biggest grin or the most unladylike laughter. My friends do a good job too. Can count them on one hand, but they're the very best. So, I hold on to this quote until such a time as I don't have to keep my thoughts to myself so much;   

"Solitude is not isolation. But the fullness of communion."

Happy birthday to me! 

[zuwatisbubbles]

Cycle of Nerves.

"Give me gist", Momma says.

"Tell me what's been happening with you." "Seems like I'm the only one always telling you interesting things." She adds. 

"Nothing's happening. I just have to go through the 60 journals I've been asked to read. Shuffling between home, school and the store for food is all I do." I respond. 

It's the same every time. Before she goes on to tell me some interesting story about one or more of her estranged siblings. While I'm on the other end of the line hmmm-ing or rolling over from laughing so hard.  

If I ever told her that I cry sometimes. Simply because I'm scared I'm in the wrong place, she wouldn't understand or agree with me. She has her own sometimes interesting, other times infuriating ideas about everything. She would try to talk me out of my feelings and say that I need to look at the big picture. I know she only wants the best for me.

INDEPENDENCE. Hell! I want that too. 

However, what happens to the nagging feeling? The reminder that things could be entirely different. Better? 

I want more. I crave excitement, maybe a bit of drama too. 

But hey! Careful what you wish for, no?

I am excited at the prospects of getting my doctorate in a couple of years, not forgetting that it's going to take a lot of work. I don't know that I am willing or ready for that level of stress. 

Then again, I've come so far. Achieved a lot. So much that I forget how proud I ought to be of myself until she reminds me. 

And I'm back where I started. I can handle it. I always find a way around these things. 

[zuwatisbubbles]

Journey to Abs from my Bedroom and Kitchen

I honestly just wanted abs. Then it progressed to a thin mid-section and a flat belly, then abs.

So one day in January, 2014, I checked my weight with some machine in the Boots store and found out that I was overweight. As thin as I was then, still overweight. Imagine my surprise. BMI was somewhere it wasn't supposed to be and I just decided to get serious.

I gave away my bottles of Vimto, oasis, sprite, ribena, every kind of fizzy drink with that artificial sweetener I owned. All my biscuits, haribo, pringles, every other kind of snacks, everything! My room used to be like the sweet section of Asda. I bought some green tea and water, tried to drink more water everyday. I'm not a water person, but I try.  

Entered every possible variation for ways to get abs into the Google search engine and just took whatever anyone said. I asked Bobby what he did to get his rock-solid abs. He said, "salads and protein only. No carbs." That meant, no bread, no rice, just vegetables and chicken, plus he went to the gym and I really couldn't be bothered. I would rather buy a couple of shoes. 

Mahn! Did I get hungry? Sometimes, it just felt like my belly was endless. Never getting full. I tried to keep up. I really did. With various new ways to make my salads interesting and eatable without those fat and calorie doused salad dressings. I got really weak/ exhausted sometimes. 2weeks without carbs took its toll on me. 

Found a tub of meal replacement and some protein powder, one Sunday morning in the kitchen, and made some as it said on the tub. Went back after a couple of hours for another round. It seemed to work better than just salads. Kept me full for about 2-3 hours. I needed to get mine. Took to Amazon and found so many, I couldn't quite make up my mind. The reviews seemed to help and I decided to try the USN products, which happened to be pocket friendly and seemingly effective, according to the reviews.

In addition to further research and exercise apps. Like the Nike Training app suggested by some girl on Instagram and a couple of tips here and there. Plus some girl in particular, Mankofit, with a body to die for inspired me to keep going.

I had to banish the idea of spot reduction. Which means, no abs without burning fat, and no burning fat from the belly alone. So, I lost some weight, BMI is fine now. Body's getting firmer. Love handles are nowhere to be seen. Belly and waist are shrinking, as well as my small bum too, sadly. Anyhoo, I look in the mirror and I'm squealing with joy. 

From 20 second planks, I've gone to over 60 seconds in a couple of weeks. I can run for longer, not as long as I want though, but I'm working on it. I can do more high intensity exercises without stopping to rest frequently or feeling faint. I learned to eat before the exercises. At least some carbs and protein to provide my body with the nutrients and energy to kill those workouts. 

Everyday, I find new recipes for those abs. They will get here, it's just taking some time. I have faith. I also find new exercise ideas, even new bullshit (good thing I can spot it now when I see/ hear it). I keep learning and opening my mind to the possibility that anything is possible. 

So when I see someone who's overweight, I just want to hug them and ask them to join me, so we can get healthy together. However, this quote which has become one of my favorites stops me,

“Preach not to others what they should eat, but eat as becomes you, and be silent”.

I am slowly trying to get my folks to join me, get healthy too and lose whatever weight they can in the process. Worked on my mum, she lost some weight in just 2weeks, not sure of the figures, but she did. BMI came down too. Seeing as I'm a novice in all this, I'm really proud of myself. It can be really expensive, but when I see my body in the mirror these days, it gives me so much joy. I started one morning, I don't even remember what day it was. And I've come so far, I feel like asking myself what I've been waiting for all this time. Did I add that I feel amazing too? I walk with a spring in my steps. I'm quick to put on a crop top. All those afternoon naps I used to take don't know me anymore. I have a lot more energy now, getting stronger, doing higher intensity workouts and eating a lot more than I ever used to with portion control. 

The days of starving myself are over. I try to find foods that provide me the nutrition I need. I pack my lunches when I have to go to school. Eat small portions of carbs when I absolutely can't say no. No fastfood in ages, can't even remember what they taste like. Some pizza every now and then, for my "reset" or "cheat day" as it's called. Take the skin off that juicy piece of chicken because I know it's just fat and I've been working too hard to hinder my progress. Walk away from the fresh croissant and doughnuts aisles, etc etc. 

My body has been going through changes. I can't call them small changes. They are huge. I'm just glad that I have so much self control and will strength to be able to walk away from whatever can be tagged unhealthy, or at least put up a fight. Lol.

So, until the abs get here, Namaste! 

[zuwatisbubbles]

Single Pringle!

He says he's ready. 

Not willing to go without trying. 

Hell, I've been ready forever. 

I'm just uncertain. 

Is this the time to throw caution to the wind? 

What do I have to lose?

Couple of sleepless nights, a few tears if things don't work out. No?

But then again, 

I asked for intensity, I'm getting it. 

Spice; will come. Maybe. 

I'm probably leaning into the "for the moment" idea about all of this. 

Wrong move, but I don't know how I really feel about the whole situation. 

I wouldn't think too hard if he was cuter. Shameful! 

That's the bottom line. 

His body is to die for, but his face... His face! 

Strike candidate X off the list. 

[zuwatisbubbles]

Disappointed Dreamer.

No stomach for butterflies. It only took one more question to discover. 
 Even though I already knew it, I had to dream and try to believe in a different outcome. 
 You’ll not be enough.
 I would continue lying if I said anything different. 
I have these dreams…
 I want you to go first.

[zuwatisbubbles]

I’m thirty,’ I said. ‘I’m five years too old to lie to myself and call it honor.

F. Scott Fitzgerald. -The Great Gatsby. (via colossalinsight)

[zuwatisbubbles]

On one of our road trips to Benin, with everyone except Bobby, we set out. 
It was the season for corn harvests, so we anticipated stopping at some point where women with their fire and soot blackened humongous cooking pots loaded with corn set up shop. While the others take to running around with...

[zuwatisbubbles]

"Behold, the fool saith, "Put not all thine eggs in the one basket"—which is but a manner of saying, "Scatter your money and your attention"; but the wise man saith, "Put all your eggs in the one basket and—watch that basket!""

Mark Twain. (via colossalinsight)

[zuwatisbubbles]

Doctor Lover.

Sharing stories about his day. We’re happy when he saves a life. Sad when he loses one. Happy when there’s an exciting challenge. Sad when it becomes overwhelming. Then the things he knows just by looking or listening, I’m bewildered. Scared to be caught at my mistakes, However happy to be saved Being ill becomes an intimate experience. Can you heal my mind of you? With as many regrets as there are hours in a day. If I could, I would go back and change my mind.

[zuwatisbubbles]

"No fear can stand up to hunger, no patience can wear it out, disgust simply does not exist where hunger is; and as to superstition, beliefs, and what you may call principles, they are less than chaff in a breeze."

Joseph Conrad (via colossalinsight)

[zuwatisbubbles]

“The day I first made love to her, months after we began to go together, I wrote down inmy diary: Her passion begins like the mild ripples of some tropical river approaching the turbulence of a waterfall in slow, peaceful, immense orbits. Pompous? No. Immense.”

-Excerpt from Anhills of the Savannah, Chinua Achebe.

[zuwatisbubbles]

“‘Blessed are the poor in heart for they shall see God’, cannot anywhere in the world pass as a suitable joke to be nailed up in the ward for heart patients…”

-Excerpt from Anthills of the Savannah, Chinua Achebe.

[zuwatisbubbles]

“Where is everybody? You have not forgotten your own market day? Come! Bring your long baskets of yams and your round baskets of cocoyams. Where are the fish women and the palm-oil women, where the high head-loads of pottery? Come, today may be your lucky day, the day you may find a blind man to trade against. You have nothing to sell? Who said so? Come! I will buy your mother’s cunt. The dogs growled as they tore him.”

-Excerpt from Anhills of the Savannah, Chinua Achebe.

[zuwatisbubbles]

“Being a girl of maybe somewhat above average looks, a good education, a good job you learn quickly enough that you can’t open up to every sweet tongue that comes singing at your doorstep. Nothing very original really. Every girl knows that from her mother’s breast although thereafter some may...

[zuwatisbubbles]

“The sun in April is an enemy though the weatherman on television reciting mechanically the words of his foreign mentors tells you it will be fine all over the country. Fine! We have been slowly steamed into well-done mutton since February and all the oafs on our public payroll tell us we are...

[zuwatisbubbles]

“I don’t find it funny, people shaking hands like this … while their neck is turned away at right angles, like that girl in The Exorcist, and grinning into the camera.”

Excerpt from Anthills of the Savannah, Chinua Achebe.