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[ze-land-fill]

The Difference Between Quiet and Silence - A Radio Silence FanFic

Chapter 2 - Quiet

Warnings - Self-hatred - Parental issues

Ships - Daled (Daniel x Aled)

Type - Hurt/Comfort

Adittional Tags - Daniel-centric - Unconventional romace - unconventional relationship - Canon-compliant - Post-canon -

Word count - 2215

~ * ~

Summary:

He almost does reach for the door. Until he feels a cold, sweaty hand, slide into his own trembling fingers. And Aled just looks at him with an uncertain smile.

~

It's silent. So horribly silent. He hates it. If you'd have told Daniel he would hate silence back in April, he would've laughed at you and called you crazy. Why would he hate silence?! He could do well, study, think, he couldn't do that with noise. But he did, and it was so silent. Too silent-

And then it wasn't.

OR

Daniel meets Aled's Grandparents. Gets really sad. Talks to Aled about the sad.

~ * ~

The last box is placed in the backseat. Raine dusts off her hands and places them on her hips. She turns back towards the porch and yells through the open door; “ That was the last of them! We’re all set!”

Daniel mumbles out a reply and packs up the last of his things into his bag. He stands at the door to his room and takes a final look at it. The desk is barren, his bed stripped of its lining. There’s nothing left. It's plain and simple, save for his rug. The only pop of colour left in his room. It’s blue, with an animal print. He’d practically had to fight Raine from packing it into one of the boxes, too embarrassed to bring something like it with him. 

He smiled sadly. The last eighteen years of his life had just been packed into cardboard boxes and stacked into Raine’s purple Ford Ka. And it was all going with him to university. 

He closed the door to his room for…quite possibly the last time.

He stepped down the stairs. Slowly. As if to drag out every last moment he had left in this house. He walked past the kitchen, where his mum was. His dad had gone to work today, in the workshop. He paused for a second outside the kitchen door, a tiny childish voice telling him his mother was waiting there, to give him one last hug. But she simply continued on with her work, she likely hadn’t even noticed Daniel at all. 

He wanted to cry. But he clenched his fists and walked into the foyer. After that night at the Wilsons, Daniel had ended up spending the night at Aled’s. Then a night turned to two, then three, and pretty soon, the last two weeks of summer were spent with Aled, Frances, and their other friends. But he’d insisted on coming back home for the last few days, to pack everything up. Raine had volunteered to help transport all his stuff, and he’d played it off as being mildly irritated by her, but the truth was that he was incredibly grateful for what she was doing for him.

He slid on his shoes, put on his coat, and opened the door. As soon as he did, the cold autumn air bit him in the nose. But he didn’t notice, his mind was clouded by other things. Hands in his pockets, he took one step in front of the other. Down the steps, along the path, almost through the porch gates. 

“Dae-Sung.” He stops abruptly, and whirls around faster than the wind that hit him. His mother is standing, about three steps away from him, a plastic container at hand. She has a resigned look in her eyes. She walks the last few steps towards him, and holds the container out to him. Daniel is too shocked to move, but an irritated nudge from his mother brings him back. He takes a hold of the container, his fingers warming up to the touch. His mother pulls away, she won’t meet his eyes. But he wouldn’t be able to even if she could.

“Just… Don’t do anything stupid.” She says, the tone she’s going for was nonchalant, but Daniel recognizes it as something else. It’s the tone she uses when she and his dad have argued. When she’s still mad at him, but still loves him enough to not let him starve. She starts turning and walking back inside.

Daniel doesn’t know what to do, or what to say. So he says the first thing that comes to mind. 

“I love you.” 

His mother stops, not as abruptly as he had, but enough to show that it caught her off guard. 

“I love you…And Dad, a lot. That hasn’t changed. And…I’m sorry…” His words die out. There’s so much more he wants to say. But there’s not enough time, and his mum’s patience has always been pretty thin. Not to mention she’s probably freezing out in this weather without a proper coat on. “You should…um- go back inside now…It’s pretty cold out…so- uh…yeah.”

He turns again, and walks the rest of the way down to the car. He doesn’t look back. Too afraid of what he might see. So he just opens the door to the passenger seat, places his bag on the floor and climbs in quickly. 

Raine’s already turned the car on, she raises an eyebrow in question, and Daniel nods. “I’m all ready.” She nods once in his direction, before stepping on the gas, and pulling out of Daniel’s neighbourhood. 

~ * ~

Their two and a half hour drive is mostly uneventful. Raine cracks a few jokes, Daniel makes a few sarcastic remarks, they both bond over their love of obnoxious eye-rolls, and other than that, it’s quiet. But it’s different. He can hear the car engine, and the sound of the world passing him by on the motorway. Raine had put on the radio, some new pop rock band was playing. It was quiet. Not silent. He liked this. 

About halfway through, Daniel's stomach grumbled. He prayed that Raine was too busy humming to the song on the radio to have noticed. His eyes landed on the plastic container his mum had handed him. He sighed, and opened it. The sweet aroma filled his nose, and he couldn’t help but smile. His mother had made him japchae, his favorite. It reminded him of primary school, when she’d pack him lunch…He almost does cry, but out of pure refusal to let Raine see him like that, he pushes it down. He eats his food, all the while thinking of his mum.

When they finally arrive, they don’t give themselves much time to rest. Frances, Aled, and Carys are all already there, and everyone helps out, carrying all his things to his dorm. They only get about halfway though, before Raine practically collapses onto his new dorm room floor. 

“Jesus fucking Christ! Why the fuck did you get a room that’s so high up?!” She yelled. Her voice was muffled by her scarf, which she had now converted into a makeshift pillow, and was lying face-flat on. 

Aled flopped onto the bed, and Frances dramatically collapsed into the desk chair. Carys leaned against the doorframe and Daniel gently sat down on the bed, next to Aled. Frances looked around the plain white walls, and shuddered. “God. It’s so- plain. It kind of feels like a psych ward…” She turned to Daniel with a sort of pleading look in her eyes. “Please tell me you own posters, or- stickers, or literally anything else to put on these walls.” Daniel smiled, and told her that, no, he was not a psychopath, and did own posters to put on his wall. 

Raine popped up from the floor. “You know what? I’ve decided that I’m really fucking hungry.” She gave her stomach a pet, and stood up. She marched out the door, dragging Carys along with her. “Come on! All of you! We’re getting food!” Carys let out an array of grumbling remarks as she was pulled down the corridor. Frances chuckled and put on her coat to follow them. When she was almost out the door, she looked back at Daniel and Aled. “Aren’t you coming?” She asked. Daniel shook his head and Aled sat up and said he would join them later. Frances shrugged and followed after the two girls. 

This was it. This was where Daniel was going to spend the next two years of his life. Part of him was overwhelmed, the other part was hopelessly excited. 

Aled leaned his head on Dae’s shoulder. “How are you feeling?” Daniel smiled. “A bit sick, honestly.” Aled sat up straight again and raised an eyebrow in his direction. 

“‘A bit sick’?” 

“Yeah, but, you know. The good kind.”

“Dae, I don’t think there is such a thing as the ‘good kind’ of sick.”

“Sure there is. You know, the kind when you’re so excited you feel like vomiting?”

“Personally, I feel like anything that involves vomiting is inherently bad.”

“Well, vomiting actually helps your body get rid of harmful substances, so really-”

“Please refrain from explaining the logistics of vomiting to me- The semester hasn’t even started yet.” 

Daniel smiled and playfully shoved Aled, who made a dramatic display of crashing into the pillow and writhing in pain, while laughing smugly. Daniel smiled and shook his head. “Stop it, you’re acting like a child.” Aled turned his head in the other’s direction, an offended look on his face. “Excuse me. I’m older than you, you know.” Daniel rolled his eyes. “Barely.” He stood up, but before he could take a step, Aled grabbed his wrist and pulled him back into the bed. 

“Aled!” He struggled to get up. But it was Aled on one side, and about a half-meter drop on the other. So his options were limited. Aled - because he's a jackass - laughed. “Why’re you in such a hurry?” “I just- I need to set everything up, just to be safe.” He remarked. Aled let out a sigh and fixed him with a look. “‘Set up’. A week before school officially starts?” “Just to be safe!”

“Just stay for a minute. You haven’t properly sat down in like, five hours.” 

“Not true. I sat in a car for two of those.”

“Exactly. You sat without moving for two and a half hours, then moved too much in the next two and a half. So it's like, tired-squared now.”

“Tired-squared? That does not make even the slightest bit of sense at all.”

“Just stay.”

And, maybe he is a little tired. But it is for that reason, and that reason alone that he decides to stay in bed. It has nothing to do with Aled, or the fact that Daniel is hopelessly in love with him.

Nope. Not at all. 

Aled lay on his back, facing the ceiling. “Frances is right. You need to get some posters up.” Daniel rolled his eyes, but smiled nonetheless. “Sure, I’ll get to it…eventually.” 

Aled turned over to face him. “You didn’t answer me earlier.” Daniel blinked, a puzzled look on his face. “I asked how you were feeling?” Aled repeated from earlier. 

“Oh. Yeah…” He thought about it. 

“I’m not- I mean- I guess-” He let out an exasperated sigh. “It feels bittersweet.” 

Aled stayed quiet, prompting the other to continue. “I’m excited, about university and all. But…yeah, I’m just sad about my parents.” He looked down at the mattress, but then he looked up again, and met Aled’s eyes. “But I’ve been good. Or- at least better. You’ve all been pretty amazing.” Aled smiles at that. Daniel continues, “You, and Frances. Carys, Raine, Lana, and your grandparents too…You’ve all made me feel better about this.” 

Aled’s smile faltered. “Will you be okay here, on your own?” He didn’t mean to sound patronising, and Daniel knew that. So now it was his turn to smile. “Yeah, I’ll be fine. Besides, you’re only like, an hour and a half away by train. So, yeah. I’ll be fine” 

Aled’s smile returned, and he snaked his arms under Daniel’s, and pulled him into a hug. He buried his face in the others’ shoulder, so his words came out muffled, but still clear enough. “Fuck parents. They all suck anyways.” Daniel let out a laugh. “Except for Lana. She’s an angel.” Daniel rolled his eyes. Aled pulled away, still holding his arms in place, but his face was now a few centimeters away from Daniels’, resting on the pillow they now shared. 

“She’s adopted me.” He said it with the most serious expression ever. And maybe that's what gave him away. “She just doesn’t know it yet.” Aled grinned close-eyed. And- Yeah. Daniel probably wouldn’t ever get tired of that smile. 

He reached out his arms and wrapped them around Aled’s back. He nuzzled his face into the other’s neck. Aled let out a giggle at the ticklish sensation. Daniel smiled. This was nice.

And they lie there. Two boys, in the afternoon sun, hugging, smiling. Inside a white dorm room in Cambridge. Under a sunlit plain ceiling. One of them is smiling, and the other one is wishing. For love and happiness and for this to never end, and neither one lets go. One, because he loves this boy so much, he forgets to hate himself. And the other, because he learned to love himself by loving others. 

~ * ~

It’s almost 7 when Daniel wakes up. He blinks a few times, adjusting his eyes to everything. Aled is lying in front of him, breathing softly. They’re still wrapped in each other's arms, their legs tangled under the blanket he’d thrown over them. He looks at Aled’s face, and he smiles. It’s peaceful. 

The room is quiet. But-

Not silent.

He can hear the cold, gentle autumn breeze, outside the window. 

He can hear the muffled conversations of students, from outside his door. 

He can hear the soft breathing of Aled, lying right here in his arms. 

And yeah. Life is kinda shit right now.  And school starts in a week. And his brain is kinda fucked.

But he’ll be fine. 

Things are not silent anymore. 

They are peaceful

They are quiet.

~ * ~

My babies-

I love them :,)

Thanks for reading!

~ Remzy

Chapter 1 - Silence

[ze-land-fill]

The Difference Between Quiet and Silence - A Radio Silence FanFic

Chapter 1 - Silence

Warnings - Mental health issues - Internalized homophobia - Self-hatred - Parental issues - Anxiety - Implied suicidal thoughts - Homophobia

Ships - Daled (Daniel x Aled)

Type - Comfort/Hurt (yeah you read that right)

Adittional Tags - Daniel-centric - Unconventional romace - unconventional relationship - Canon-compliant - Post-canon -

Word count - 5,045

~ * ~

Summary:

He almost does reach for the door. Until he feels a cold, sweaty hand, slide into his own trembling fingers. And Aled just looks at him with an uncertain smile.

~

It's silent. So horribly silent. He hates it. If you'd have told Daniel he would hate silence back in April, he would've laughed at you and called you crazy. Why would he hate silence?! He could do well, study, think, he couldn't do that with noise. But he did, and it was so silent. Too silent-

And then it wasn't.

OR

Daniel meets Aled's Grandparents. Gets really sad. Talks to Aled about the sad.

~ * ~

“Are you sure about this?” 

Daniel shifted nervously as he walked down the sidewalk. Aled right next to him. “Of course! I was nervous about meeting them too, but Carys convinced me they'd be okay with me. And she was right!” Aled smiled, but Daniel could feel the air of nervousness surrounding him. 

It was one thing to meet your grandparents and have them be happy that you left your toxic mum. It was a different thing entirely to bring home a boyfriend on your second visit. Who knew how they'd react!

“Aled…There's something we need to talk abou-” “ Dae! We're here!” Aled halted in front of the wooden porch, it was barely past three, but the lights were on, and there were voices coming out of the slanted window. 

Aled started walking up the steps to the door. Daniel froze at the bottom of the steps. 

This could go so bad- so incredibly horribly bad . His breathing quickened, but he turned his focus on Aled, he’d worn a beige jumper and grey jeans. 

For once, his outfit hadn't been picked out by Daniel. Aled had chosen this outfit on his own. Daniel's brows furrowed. When he'd asked about the outfit, Aled had simply said it was because he was still warming up to his grandparents, and wanted to take things slow. It was odd. The outfit seemed…unnatural, on Aled. Aled with his bright pink hair, that flowed past his shoulders. Aled with his lime green Plimsolls… Daniel would never admit it out loud, but a part of him had come to adore the weird outfits. He would often catch himself staring for a little too long at a character or the embroidered patterns. It was almost endearing. 

The turn of a lock brought him back from his thoughts. His breathing had gone back to normal, but he was just as tense. Carys opened the door a little, as if to see if she knew us or not, before quickly opening it up all the way. 

“Aled!” She leaned in for a hug, and Aled hugged right back. “Hi Carys.” He whispered. As they pulled away, Carys tilted her head and smiled at Daniel. “Hey, Daniel.” A little jolt went through him, and he reached for the back of his neck before saying, “Well, it's actually…Dae-Sung…now.” He met her eyes, and let out a cough “Or…Dae is fine too.” 

She stared at him, blinked a few times and just shrugged. “Sure. Welcome, Dae.” A little flame lit inside him, he was proud of this. Proud of his name. He smiled, and stepped inside the house. 

The flame snuffed out real quick though. Mrs. Wilson walks into the hallway from the kitchen, wiping her hands on her apron. It's pink, with frills on the straps, and an embroidered kitten on the front. And suddenly, Aled's sense of style makes so much more sense. She looks up and smiles when she sees them, hurriedly walks over and grabs Aled in a hug. Her shiny brown curls bouncing along to her movement. “Oh, Allie! It's lovely to see you again!” She says it with a posh, West-London accent. As she pulls away, she holds on to Aled's shoulders, takes a long look at his face, before tucking a lock of hair behind his ear. “Your hair's getting long…” 

Aled's eyes widen, and he nearly pushes her away- but she chuckles. “My goodness, with healthy hair like yours, it might even outgrow mine soon! Make sure not to damage it too much with that dye!” She smiles. Then claps her hands, “A’right then! Well, don't just stand there, come on in!” She cheerfully says as she goes back into the kitchen, Carys following behind. 

Daniel blinks after her. She's like a fantastic tornado - literally, that's the only way to describe her - But she doesn't do much to ease his nerves. He doesn't want to be here anymore. Not after that, seeing how kind she was. What if she gets angry. It would be better to leave now, while the illusion is still there. While the only thoughts he associates with her is the pink, frilly apron, and the bouncy, curls, and that lovely smile. 

He almost does reach for the door. Until he feels a cold, sweaty hand, slide into his own trembling fingers. And Aled just looks at him with an uncertain smile.

And one part of Daniel is so scared, for Aled, and for himself, because he doesn't want Aled to lose this new family. He just found them- He deserves stability, and love, from family. 

But the other part of him, is melting. Because this is the first time, since that night a few months ago, in his uni dorm, that they've held hands. The first time Aled , has held his hand. 

And he feels like - even just for a second - they might be okay.

They walk into the kitchen, hands still entwined. Neither has bothered to take off their jacket. Just in case things go south. 

Carys looks between them, before her eyes land on their hands, and she gives a reassuring smile. “Grammy, Gramps, I think Aled has something to tell us.” Mr. And Mrs. Wilson put down what they're doing and turn their attention toward the two boys. “Yes, Dear?” She asks. 

Aled swallows, it's audible. He starts blinking rapidly, and opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. He looks like he might cry right there. Daniel sees all of this, he knows it, every line of worry. Every furrow in his brow. The way he blinks rapidly to get rid of the tears. And Daniel can't take it. 

He lets go of Aled's hand and raises it in greeting. “I'm Dae-Sung, or, er…Dae.” He says, Mrs. Wilson smiles in greeting, and Mr. Wilson nods at him, but they seem like they're waiting for something more. Out of the corner of his eye, he catches Aled turning towards him. He does the same, and smiles. Hoping with all his being that Aled can read his eyes and understand. ‘It's okay’ he thinks. ‘You don't have to tell them if you don't want to’. He turns back to the grandparents. “I'm Aled's best frie-”

“He's my boyfriend!” 

And Daniel freezes. He turns towards Aled, but now he's the one smiling up at him. Aled takes a hold of his hand again. And Daniel really can't decide whether he's happy or sad. In all honesty, he feels sick, like he might throw up, but, like, as if he's going to throw up rainbows and glitter. 

It's silent. So horribly silent. He hates it. If you'd have told Daniel he would hate silence back in April, he would've laughed at you and called you crazy. Why would he hate silence?! He could do well, study, think, he couldn't do that with noise. But he did, and it was so silent. Too silent-

And then it wasn't.

A smug smile spread across Mr. Wilson's face. “Mary~” he turned to his wife and wiggled his eyebrows “Guess who won~” Mrs. Wilson dramatically placed her head in her hands, and groaned loudly. “God, Allie!” 

Aled looked up at the mention of his name. His grandmother had this feigned look of desperation on her face. “Why didn't you bring a best friend instead!” Aled just looked between his grandparents and then at Daniel, who had a sort of, shocked expression frozen on his face. He pointed to Daniel and was about to say something, but he was interrupted.

“Mary! Don't blame the poor boy! Now…about those 20 quid…” he smirked again. With a groan, she pulled out a note from her dress pocket. But before Mr. Wilson had a chance to take it, Carys chimed in. “Well, technically Dani- Dae, is also Aled’s best friend, so…” Mary lit up, and snatched the £20 note back. “Hear that Rob! Guess that makes this a tie!” She smiled smugly and laughed with her head held high. Mr. Wilson quickly shoots Carys a dirty look, which she replies with by sticking her tongue out at him. They both smile and laugh along with Mrs. Wilson.

Aled and Daniel still stand in front of the door frame. Stunned. It takes a minute for them to break out of it. “You…knew?” Aled asked. The three stopped laughing, and Mr. Wilson fixed him with a sympathetic look. “No, Son. But it wasn't hard to tell. I mean, you've been holding hands practically since you walked in. We just wanted to mess with you a little!”

Mrs. Wilson walks over to them. “Oh, I'm sorry Dearies, I hope we didn't make you feel like we would be upset.” Aled looks like he might cry again, but happy tears this time. Mrs. Wilson gently puts a hand on Daniel's shoulder. “Oh, Dae. It’s lovely to finally get to meet you! We've heard wonderful things.” 

And he keeps himself together, but as Daniel watches Aled hug Mrs. Wilson like his life depends on it, silently crying into her shoulder…he can't help but want to do the same.

~ * ~

Dinner arrived quickly. One minute, they're all laughing and talking, next minute, they're doing the same, but with plates of food in front of them. 

“So, Dae, I heard you got into Cambridge.” Robert (he insisted Dae call him that) asked. That little fire starts again, that pride, that he accomplished it. “Yes sir. King's College.” Robert choked on his food, and coughed violently before taking a sip of water. “My God, Carys! You said he was smart, not a damn genius!” He turned towards Carys, who sat to the left of Aled, Daniel on his right. “So, what are you studying, Son?” He asked. Daniel simply replied, “Biology.” It was a standard answer, lots of people answered that, he never expected any proper reaction. Though he should've.

Robert's eyes widened, as did his smile, and with it, a smugness. “Well, You listen here Dae. When you go on to become one of those, big-name scientists, pay me a visit to make sure I get to humble you properly.” Daniel blinked and looked down at his food, embarrassed, no one had ever actually said they believed he could be a real scientist. It was honestly kind of surreal. And then, as the embarrassment faded, he felt sadness. No one had ever believed in him like that. Not even his mum or dad. 

He shook his head, and pushed the thoughts away, ‘not now' and he focused on the conversation instead. “So, Allie, how're you settling into your new apartment? Everything going smoothly?” Robert asked. Aled nodded “Yep, Frances and I've been settling in fine. But there's a lightbulb we really need to fix.” Robert scratched his beard, as if in thought. “Oh! I have a friend, down in Kent that can look at it for you. I'll call him tomorrow morning.” 

Aled doesn't get the chance to answer before Mary sits down at the table, “Speaking of which. You have to bring Frances with you, some time as well, I've been wanting to meet her ever since you told us about her!” Aled smiled. “Sure, Grammy I'll bring her next time. And thanks Gramps, I'll try to fix it myself first though.”

Conversations flowed on. Stories were told, jokes were passed, they even talked about their future plans. And before they knew it, dinner was over.

~ * ~

Daniel stood, rinsing the dishes and placing them in the dishwasher. It had taken a lot of insisting, persuasion (and a little guilt-tripping) to get Mary to let him do the dishes and for her to go relax in the lounge. Aled was leaning against the counter, arms lazily folded, and head resting against the cabinets. 

“You wanted to talk?” That's right. Daniel had asked to speak to him in the kitchen about something important. “Hmm? Oh. Yeah…” He didn't really feel like killing the mood, so he just said they'd talk later. 

“Hey…” he started, “Thanks for coming with me today.” Aled is smiling, and Daniel rolls his eyes. “Are you sure it was a good idea?” He asks, half-sarcastic. Aled's brows furrow, “Yes? Why wouldn't I want you here?” He asked. Daniel continued on with his dishes but still spoke, his back facing Aled. “Well, it really just seemed like you would've been way less scared if I hadn't come along, so…” Aled blinked, before speaking again, sounding more annoyed than before. “So…what? Would it have been better if you hadn't come?” Daniel stops, inspecting a plate, it seemed already pretty well rinsed. But he mumbles his answer out loud “You wouldn't have had to explain us if I hadn't.”

He did that sometimes. Didn't quite fully believe that this was real. That Aled actually loved him. Sometimes it really seemed like maybe he was pretending, for his sake. Even after that night in April. It shouldn't be hard. He shouldn't doubt Aled's love. When it's really the only one he has right now…

Aled lets out an exasperated sigh, “Dae, I can't believe you.” He annoyedly starts walking out of the kitchen, and for a second, Daniel thinks he's had enough. Like he's actually walking out, like he realized his mistake and is walking away from him. But Aled simply says. “I'm going to sit in the lounge.” Which, Daniel can interpret as ‘I do not want to speak with you right now’.

A little part of him, admittedly, is proud. Over the past few months, Aled's gotten better at communicating how he's feeling, he's gotten better at telling people what he needs and doesn't need. And as much as it hurts being shut out by him, it also makes him happy that at least he can tell him to stay away.

He hears laughter coming in from the lounge. He's finished his dishes, and is about to go in there, when he hears it. Aled's laugh. He hasn't laughed in a while, or maybe he has, but just not with him. When he looks into the lounge, he sees them. All of them, sitting on the couches, seemingly nothing but their bright emerald eyes in common with each other. They've only known Carys for maybe three years, they've only known Aled for a few months. But they all look so happy, like they've always been like this. 

And then it sinks in, for Daniel, it sinks and sinks into the bottomless pit in his gut. And realization crawls out of it. No matter how nice Carol was to him, No matter how understanding Lana was towards him. Not even how absolutely wonderful the Wilsons have been to him. 

This is not his family, it's not his love to have, he is nothing to them, except their grandson's boyfriend. 

He feels sick. That word. Boyfriend . He doesn't even know what it means anymore… He looks at Aled, close-eyed grin, bright across his face. And suddenly, Daniel doesnt feel welcome here anymore. He feels like he's intruding. Like a rock, flying towards a mirror. He needs to leave, he needs to get out. Needs to get the rock away. Throw it in a different direction. 

He broke a mirror once, he can't do it again.

He enters the hallway, voices still coming from the lounge, he pulls his coat on, and puts on his shoes. And silently leaves the house. 

He walks down the street for a bit. The sun’s gone down and the streetlights Are his only source of light. It's not cold, it's still summer. But the breeze isn't exactly tropical either. He doesn't really know where he's going, and a little part of him doesn't care. He comes to the end of the street, and he recognizes the road to the left, it goes to Frances and Aled's new apartment. He could go there. 

As soon as he thinks it, that thought is gone. Of course he can't got to Frances’ house, he's  not good enough friends with her, to be able to just show up at her house, unannounced. He looks to his right, where the road leads to the local park. And- Oh, God- What the hell. He gives up and starts walking towards the park. What's to stop him? 

He enters through the gate, and looks around. It's a very small park, with a playground, to the right of the entrance. Daniel walks over to it, hands in his pocket. He sits down at one of the swings. It moves a little with the addition of weight. 

His leg starts bouncing on the ground. And he hates it. Hates how his leg bounces when he's anxious. Hates how he can't ever seem to be genuinely nice to someone. Hates that he fell in love with Aled. Hates that he is gay. Hates that he couldn't just be exactly how people wanted him to be. Hates that he disappointed his parents. Hates that he keeps being a horrible person. Hates that he cries, that his breathing quickens and he can't think straight and everything hurts and he hates it. So so much. He hates so much about himself. He hates himself.

It's pathetic. And he knows , okay?! He knows it's pathetic. That he’s pathetic. But despite it, he still puts his head in hands,

And cries .

~ * ~

Aled quickly walked around the neighbourhood. He'd gotten up to get water, (his excuse to try and talk to Dae) only to discover that Daniel had since left the house. His shoes and coat were gone, and soon enough Aled was out the door as well.

This was not what he wanted. He just- Why did Dae always have to think that this wasn't real?! It was. He didn't understand how much he really did mean to Aled. And it hurts. But he didn't mean for this to happen! 

Aled bit his lip, hands in his pockets and hurrying down the street. He got to the T-intersection, the road to the left leading down to his new apartment. Dae could've gone there…

Before he gets the chance to turn and walk. He hears the squeak of chains in they're hinges. He turns around abruptly, and sees someone in the playground, through the fence. Aled rushes in the other direction and towards the gate. And bursts through it. Sure enough, on the swings at the end of the playground, is Daniel. 

He's hunched over on it, hands holding the chain weakly. And he's slowly swinging back and forth. As if the only thing really pushing him was the light breeze. Aled slowly advances, and sits down as gently as he can on the swing next to Daniel. Gently . As if he might scare away a frightened animal. 

“Hi.” He started. Daniel's head jerked up, as if he really hadn't heard him come in and sit down next to him. He turns his head so fast,  Aled's afraid he might get whiplash. But that thought is quickly trampled over with concern. His eyes are puffy, the skin beneath them red, irritated from rubbing at them too hard, and there's still some wayward tears running down his cheeks. 

Instinctively, Aled reaches out his hand towards Daniel's face. But before he can get too close, Daniel turns away, and quickly wipes away the tears with his coat sleeve. Without turning back, he asks, slowly - like he doesn't really trust his voice right now - “What are you doing here?” 

And it sounds shaky and Aled is so scared. And he doesn't want to push, because he doesn't want Dae to just leave, so he answers. “I- I came looking for you. You- er- you left, really suddenly.” “I- yeah. Sorry, I- I needed some air, and- I mean, your grandparents were kind of overwhelming, y'know.” He turns towards him, and smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes, and Aled frowns. Because just as Daniel had read his expression earlier, Aled could do the same. Dae had been crying, over what, he didn't know. 

And then he did. 

“I'm really sorry about what I said. I didn't mean to get upset with you, I just- you really need to know that I do care about you. Like, a lot. And I do love you, romantically. But I know I shouldn't have gotten so upset, I haven't really been that good at showing it-” 

“Stop it.” Daniel says, the smile's a little more genuine and he is finally meeting Aleds eyes. “I'll admit, I was a prick for saying that. But I really wasn't mad about what you told me. I was actually kind of proud.” He said, calmly, his voice evening out more. Aled had a confused look on his face which prompted Daniel to continue. “You've gotten much better at letting people know how you feel about things, in the past months. And honestly, it felt better knowing you were upset with me, rather than just saying you were fine when you weren't.” And he meant it. For any other couple, it would be an odd thing to be happy about, but Daniel and Aled had never been a conventional couple anyway.

Aled stared. “That's such a weird thing to be happy about.” he smiled, and Daniel rolled his eyes. 

“Character development. Better than leaving someone on read in real life.” 

“I believe the term you're looking for is, ‘Ghosting’ someone.” 

“Putting that English Lit major to use then?” 

Aled coughed comically. “Drop-out, and yes. I am pretty good with words.” 

Daniel cocked an eyebrow, in a way that said ‘are-you-actually-being-serious-right-now’

Aled just smiled and rolled his eyes. “I said I was good with words. Not that I was good at communicating them!” 

They laughed together, and for a moment things seemed okay. “So, you're not angry because of me?” Aled asked, still uncertain. But Daniel shook his head. “I wasn't really angry about anything. Just…upset…” things stay quiet for a few minutes. And as Aled is about to say something, Daniel beats him to it. 

“You know how I said I needed to talk to you about something.” He starts. Aled nods in reply and says, “You said you didn't want to kill the mood.” Daniel scoffs, “I'd say the mood is pretty dead now though.” Aled shrugged. “I wouldn't say that. It's just a litt-”

“I came out to my parents.” 

Aled freezes. His brain stops for a second and all he can hear is the rapid pace of his heartbeat. And all he can see is Dae, head cast low and his grip tightening on the chains. 

He blinks a few times, processes what he’s just heard, but he doesn't say a word. Not because he lacks them. No, there are a hundred questions he could ask right now. But he doesn't say anything. 

Mr. and Mrs. Jun never displayed any obvious dislike towards the LGBTQ+ community. Then again, they never displayed any fondness of it either. So when Aled asks, - after carefully selecting his words - how it went, his heart drops at the expression that shadows Daniel's face. 

He doesn't say anything, so Aled opts for a different question. “When did you, erm…come out?” Daniel kicked the rough ground and sighed deeply. “Two months before graduation. Not long after we got you back.” Aled just nodded, a single “oh” escaping his lips, as he turned to face the ground. 

“Did you tell them about…us?” It's a whisper, barely audible if they hadn't been the only ones there. Aled's question lingered, and its reply came right after, just as low, barely audible. “Yes…” 

Daniel didn't say more. Aled didn't pry. The bright lights of downtown London lit up the sky in blinding shades of neon. There were no stars. There never were in London. It's one of those things that made them miss Truham. A small village like it didn't have nearly as much light pollution. You could gaze at the stars from a field, or under the glaring glow of a streetlight, and still the universe could make you feel small. Like your story was insignificant. Just a blur of colour and darkness, melted among others just like it.

Aled had given up on getting answers, and had raised his head towards the sky. As if by some magic, the clouds would clear and the city would black out. But the jingle of chains turned his attention back to Daniel. 

“When I told them…” he started, breathing heavily with each sentence he muttered. “They were…really upset.” Aled’s breath hitched, but Daniel continued. “They were so angry. They told me that I was wasting everything they'd worked for, everything they stood for.” His voice started to waiver, but he evened it out quickly. “And then I told them about you- about us . And- I- my Dad-” 

His leg started bouncing, Daniel took a hand off one of the chains, and forcefully placed it on top of his knee, pushing it to stay till. He took a few shallow breaths before moving on. “He started going off on you. And- and he said such awful things about you. And I just stood there…I was so… shocked . I'd never seen my parents so angry about something. And the whole time; when they were shouting at me, when they told me to get out of their sights, and that whole night…I wanted to melt away. I wanted to literally just disappear…”

His voice starts to shake again, but this time he doesn't try to hide it. Tears pool at the brim of his eyelid. Aled wants so badly to just, reach out towards Dae, and hug him tightly, and refuse to let go until all those horrible feelings just, leave him alone. He doesn't get the chance to. Daniel tells him the rest. In that horrible , warbling voice.

“The next morning- they were silent. They didn't talk to me. They didn't say a word at all. They pretended like I didn't exist .” The tears spill. “I- I thought it would go over after a while…but-” his breath hitched as a sob escaped his lips. “It never did. I tried talking to them…” he coughed out a dry laugh, it had a cruel edge to it. “...but they'd just look the other way.”

He's trying to hide his sobs. And wiping at his cheeks. And to Aled- It hurts to watch. This is his best friend. His boyfriend. The one person who's known every secret, every whisper, every lovely moment he’s ever had. And he's sitting in front of him, so, incredibly hurt, and- God! He can't stand it. 

He stands up, and quickly walks over to Daniel, and stands in front of him. He reaches his hands out in front of him, as Daniel makes a futile attempt to wipe away his tears. He looks at the outstretched hands, then up at the glowing face looking down at him. And he smiles.

But not a happy smile. No. This one is bitter. “You want to know what the worst part was?” he didn't take the hands. Instead he pulled himself upright with the chains. “I think it would've been better if they'd just kicked me out.” Aled flinched. Dae sounded so- tired . “At least then, there wouldn't be any doubt, y’know? I'd know that they hated me. And never wanted to see me again.” He hated that Aled saw him like this. But in that very moment. 

He didn't care. 

“But like that. Them, always there, in my reach, but just always out of it. It hurt, so much more… Because that meant that they didn’t want me gone…but they didn't want me around either. And I love them- I really do still love them! They’re my mum and dad- They mean more to me than they’ll ever know…But it hurts. And I'm sad, and I’m upset- and just-”

He meets Aled’s eyes, with his own glossy ones. “...I’m angry…I’m angry at how it turned out…I’m angry at myself, for being this way…” 

Aled’s heart breaks a little. He opens his mouth to say something. But Dae’s already ahead of him.

“An-and I know it’s not my fault for being the way that I am! But…I can’t help thinking that everything would’ve been better if I just- wasn’t!” His voice is louder now, and he’s not meeting Aled’s eyes anymore. He’s sad, and angry, and upset, and- so, so tired.

Yeah. That’s right. He’s tired. He’s fucking tired. He’s tired of living in silence. He’s tired of feeling like a stranger in his own home. He’s tired of school, and graduation, and his parents missing his life. He’s tired of only having himself to blame for that. He’s tired of pulling Aled into his messes. And tired of feeling like everything is temporary. Like what he does have now- His friends, His smarts, His boyfriend- It's all temporary. He’s tired of ruining everything for himself, because of that fear, because of that feelling . That everything he has is just temporary . 

He is so tired. So fucking tired. So tired of himself .

~ * ~

Daniel doesn’t know how much he says in his head, and how much he says out loud. But what he does know, is that Aled is hugging him. And Aled is crying, and Daniel is too. He’s grabbing at Aled’s jacket, and he’s pushed his face into Aled’s shoulder. He’s shaking, and he feels like he might fall apart any second. But Aled’s here, Aled is hugging him, and at least he’ll catch him, if he does fall apart.

He hates himself right now. So very much. But he loves Aled too. And sometimes he hates himself for loving Aled. But he loves Aled. That much, he knows is true. So for the first time - in a long time - He lets himself fall apart, right there, in Aled’s arms. And Aled catches him, and he doesn’t let go. 

And they sit there. Two boys, in the dark, hugging, crying. In a neighbourhood playground in Hampstead. Under the cloudy neon sky. One of them is sobbing, and the other one is whispering. Reassurance and fear and love and truth, and neither one lets go. One, because he can’t stand to lose someone else he loves. And the other, because he can’t stand to see his loved one lose himself. 

~ * ~

... It's sad.... dont worry tho, next chapter is less sad and more hurt/comfort.

PLUS FLUFF

Thanks for reading! :) ~ Remzy

Chapter 2 - Quiet

[ze-land-fill]

A Lie, A Truth, and A Promise. - A The Dragon Prince oneshot.

Warnings - (minor charachter death)

Ships - None. (mentioned Rayllum)

Type - Hurt/no comfort (technically no hurt but no comfort either)

Adittional Tags - Original characters (OC) - minor character death - personiffication - as in, i gave the quasar diamonds names and virtues - quick cameo of the characters from the last ep of S6

Word count - 567

~ * ~ Summary

Quasar [ˈkweɪzɑ]

(noun) a massive and extremely remote celestial object, emitting exceptionally large amounts of energy, and typically having a starlike image in a telescope. It has been suggested that quasars contain massive black holes and may represent a stage in the evolution of some galaxies.

~*~

Then they weren't fragments anymore. They were stars, Shooting stars. flying across the void, passing by worlds and universes.

Until they crashed. It wasn’t tragic. It was rejuvenating. The Diamonds took hold, and as the little stars were filled with the magic of this world, Their spirits came to life. Primal Beings, born of the worldly magic, and the gaping maw of their cosmos.

Or

I gave the Quasar Diamonds, names, and managed to poetically incorporate them into the TDP lore :p

~ * ~

Since the dawn of the Cosmos, the Quasar Diamonds have been real. They began their journey as fragments. Soaring endlessly through the cosmic expanse of the void. 

Then they weren't fragments anymore. They were stars, Shooting stars. flying across the void, passing by worlds and universes. Until they crashed. It wasn’t tragic. It was rejuvenating. The Diamonds took hold, and as the little stars were filled with the magic of this world, Their spirits came to life. Primal Beings, born of the worldly magic, and the gaping maw of their cosmos. 

There were three. 

Mendac, The youngest of the three. He was Lies. To Him, they gave the Earth, and the Stars. The same way the Earth hid its roots beneath the ground, and the Stars whispered arrogantly in the heavens.

Verita, Was the second Being. She was Truth. To Her, they gave the Sky and the Sea. In the way the Sky only stormed when deeds were unjust, and the Sea only churned true tides and honest waves. 

Promitt, Was the oldest. They were Promise. To Them, they gave the Sun and the Moon. Where the Sun gave its light and warmth, and the Moon shone its rays so no one would be left in the dark.

They were Primal Beings, Bound to this world by their very Birthstones, the Quasar Diamonds. But with their blessings, came their demise. 

For there could only be Three Quasar Diamonds at a time. And once they were used of their Primal essence. They disappeared, nothing but stardust in their wake. And with them, went the beings. But the diamonds had taken hold of this world, and they would all be reborn. 

~*~

Promitt, breathed a sigh. Colorful dust glittered around Them. The remnants of Their brother and sister. They closed Their eyes and felt the light guide Them through the web of consciousness, the tangled mess of spirits, belonging to every living thing. Past, present and future. 

Their Quasar core pulsed, as They saw the ones who had taken Their brother. And in the place of his birthstone, stood Aaravos, the Fallen Star, The Bearer of Gifts, The Last of the Great Ones… 

As They let out another breath, They saw the ones who had taken Their sister. A contentment filled Their core, as They laid eyes upon the Human Primal mage who stood by two Moonshadow Elves. 

There was one Diamond left, One spirit Remaining, One Primal Being. A smile graced Their lips. They’d seen it all. The dawn of the cosmos. The birth of this realm. It was so young, compared to others, but it was the place They, and Their siblings had called home. They’d seen the Past, knew what was taking place in the Present, and had seen the Future. They knew how this would end, and They knew that They would not be here to see it. But They would know. So would Mendac. And so would Verida. 

They closed Their eyes and breathed again. And in Their light, warm voice. In a language long forgotten. With words that the universe had only ever whispered, to the great void of the Cosmos. They spoke. 

“Brother, Sister. I will be with you soon…” 

The Sun stopped setting The Moon stopped rising The Sky cleared the heavens The Sea calmed its waves The Earth quit its rumbling The Stars did not whisper

And the Cosmos went silent.

~ * ~

Thank you for reading :) ~ Remzy

[ze-land-fill]

never give up.

Guys!! Please read the whole thread!

I totally believe in this fandom & believe in our ability to get Netflix to agree to greenlight arc 3 hopefully with mostly easy steps if we put our hearts into it! 🙌🏽

Also make sure to keep requesting Seasons 8-10!

[ze-land-fill]

Breathe - A The Dragon Prince Oneshot

Warnings - None

Ships - Ezran and Callum (PLATONIC)

Type - Hurt/Comfort

Adittional Tags - Ezran-centric - Callum had ADHD - Ezran has anxiety - angst - crying - hurt/comfort -

Word count - 4,989

~ * ~

Summary “Now, Welcome our new king, who will reign in an era of peace and prosperity. And lead us all to greatness. King Ezran of Katolis!”

~

A few more steps, and he would be exactly where he needed to be. Next to Opeli, facing the crowd. The crowd…Oh God…it was massive. He could see people, crowded into the courtyard of Katolis Castle, and even more people, spilling out of the structure, onto the bridge and even in town. And Ezran froze.

Or

Ezran is scared to be king, Callum finds him on coronation day.

~ * ~

“It's okay. I'll be alright.”

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Ezran held eye-contact with his mirror, straightening out his robes. However, it seemed no amount of straightening could ease his nerves. He gathered up his hair and tied it into a ‘presentable’ style. He met his eyes again in the mirror. He really did look like a king.

It hadn't been long since his 10th birthday. Almost a year had passed since the battle at the storm spire. Almost a year since his father had died. Almost a year since he gave up being king. Today was his coronation. 

Opeli and his fathers’ old council had taken the weight off him for a year. They'd run the kingdom wonderfully, and for that, Ezran is forever grateful. However, it was time to step back into his duties. Now was not the time to be children. He'd met the Dragon Queen. He'd seen the hope, and the horrors of the battle. He knew that now, of all times, was the most important to push peace. To show his people that there can be peace between the Five Human Kingdoms, and Xadia. For that to happen, he knew he needed to be a leader, a king , for his people. Someone to look up to and think: ‘He is a brighter future’

This had all been a very convincing argument when he went before the Council to explain that he was ready. 

Of course, that was then. Looking at himself now. His long, crimson robe, bejeweled overcoat, and tied up hair. He just felt heavy. His heart quickened. He didn't like this. He would be standing - speaking - in front of a million men and women, dressed so formally. Just months ago he was running around with Bait and Zym in the forest. 

That calmed him. He missed Zym, he'd stayed with Zubeia after the battle. He visited sometimes, now that he was a stronger flier. Not as much as Ezran would have preferred, but he was with his mother. Where he belonged. 

A low grunt came from Ezran’s feet. He smiled and looked down, to find Bait, looking right back at him. He picked him up, and lifted him so that they were face to face. “At least I still have you! Right bait?” Bait smiled his crooked smile and went on to glow a bright orange. Ezran's smile widened and he hugged him close. “Aww! Who's the best glowtoad in the world? You are, yes you are!” 

A knock interrupted their cuddling. “Yes?” He called out. “Prince Ezran? The High Cleric says that they're ready for you.” The guard called from outside the door. “R-right! Just- um- ten more minutes please!” He hurriedly said. The guard simply replied; “Of course, Your Highness.” and walked away. 

Ezran sighed heavily, and sat down onto his fathe- his bed. Bait spun around in his lap, before looking back up at him, his skin glowing grey. Ezran stroked his back and held him close. “I'm scared Bait…What if I mess up…or I lead us into danger. Or what if I make bad decisions, and the people of Katolis have to suffer because of them, and what if I can't make peace between the Five Kingdoms and Xadia?! Then what?! What if I-” 

Bait grunted sadly, and Ezran was knocked out of his pessimistic rant. He blinked. His heart was beating quickly, and so were his breaths. ‘Stop it. Get it under control.’ he thought to himself. Bait grunted again, this time towards his desk, where there was a mess of notes, letters, books, quills, and everything else Ezran had so intently been focusing on in the past months. But Bait was gesturing to the wall behind it. Where the wall was adorned with many drawings. Sketches of Zym, comic panels of their journey. Detailed art of specific things and people. Ezran sighed again, sadly. 

“You know how Callum's been. It hasn't been easy for him. You know... since Rayla left. I don't- want to force him…to do this for me.” Bait looked up at him with a sad look set on his face. “But, Hey! It's just one coronation, how bad could it possibly be…?” Ezran tries, as hard as he can, to sound convincing. He doesn't think Bait believes him. And all he does is circle himself and snuggle against Ezran’s robes. 

Ezran tries to keep the tears in.

~ * ~

He meets Opeli and Soren at the doors. The great, big doors…with a million people standing below the balcony…was his coat on right? Had he fixed his hair enough? What if he forgot what to say?! Even though he had rehearsed. It could happen-

“I can practically hear you thinking too much.” Soren remarked, startling Ezran out of his thoughts. His sword rested at his side, his signature grin stretched across his face. It was comforting. Ezran just laughed nervously. “Nothings going to happen! You'll go out there, get the crown, give the speech. And…BAM! You're done!” Opeli shook her head in disapproval. Soren really did try to encourage the young prince. It didn't do much, but the effort was appreciated.

“Is Callum here yet?” Ezran asked. Trying to take his mind off his impending doom. Opeli and Soren shared a look, and a frown. “No, unfortunately, the high mage hasn't been seen all morning.” Opeli replied. Ezran nodded, and smiled sadly. “That's okay. I told him he didn't need to come today, if he didn't want to.” 

Opeli nodded, and as a loud cheer escaped through the closed doors, she told Ezran it was time. She walked out, and began her speech. About King Harrow, The Battle of the Storm Spire, Ezran, so on and on. 

With every word, however, Ezran’s breath quickened. ‘Calm down. Calm down. It's like Soren said. Walk out, get the crown, give the speech, wave a little, then back in again. So just. Calm. DOWN.’

“Now, Welcome our new king, who will reign in an era of peace and prosperity. And lead us all to greatness. King Ezran of Katolis!” 

Wild cheers broke out as the double doors opened. Ezran stood still, for just a second, before he forced his legs to take a step. Then another. Then he was halfway across the balcony, and his eye caught the glinting of metal in sunlight. 

A servant boy held the Crown in his hands. Ezran had come to Opeli, bearing his fathers’ sword, and requested it be turned into a crown. It was symbolic. A sword. A weapon . Something meant to split apart. Turned into something that gave him the ability and power to put things back together. 

A few more steps, and he would be exactly where he needed to be. Next to Opeli, facing the crowd. The crowd…Oh God…it was massive. He could see people, crowded into the courtyard of Katolis Castle, and even more people, spilling out of the structure, onto the bridge and even in town. And Ezran froze.

He couldn't- his lungs wouldn't work, his breath wouldn't go through him. All he could hear was his heartbeat. And all he felt was the horrible feeling of something cold and sharp climbing up his spine. 

There were so many people- so many eyes- looking at him, expecting from him- his eyes darted around frantically. Nothing was clear anymore, everything was melting together, but everywhere he turned. There were people. Staring at him. Watching his every move. Every word-

And he couldn't take it.

He turned on his heel, and sprinted. Past the double doors, and confused guards, and shocked gasps. He ran through every twisting hallway. Every shortcut and open door. His vision didn't get better. But years of doing nothing but roaming these hallways alone had etched every pathway into his mind. There truly was no one who knew Katolis Castle better than Ezran. 

He burst through the double doors of the throne room. The guards were all asked to stand nearby the new king, for safety. There was no one but Ezran, the throne, and the portraits of his ancestors along the walls. 

He strode up to the throne. It sat empty. And he leaned against the wall in the space next to it, and slid down. He pulled his knees up to his chest and stared aimlessly at the doors. 

He was breathing again, but he couldn't feel it. As if the air was there. But he couldn't feel it. Couldn't feel the heavy air meant to fill his lungs. What he could feel, however, was that horrible cold feeling, and his heart. Beating too fast. Too hard. It felt like it was in his throat. He glanced down at his hands. They were shaking. He pulled them into his chest. And his vision blurred again, 

but this time. With salty tears.

~ * ~

He didn't know how long he sat there for. And in complete, brutal honesty, he didn't actually care that much. But he flinched when the doors burst open. Only to reveal Callum standing in the entrance, bait following close behind. He stood there for a minute, their eyes met, and in an instant Callum was at his side, kneeling down on the plush carpet next to him. Ezran tried his best to wipe at the tears, but they just kept coming. And he couldn't understand why .

“Ez? Ezran?! Ez, what happened?!” Callum, asked. Ezran shook his head in reply, unable to fully articulate an answer. Callum's voice sounded muffled, like he was standing far away. “Ez, c'mon, you have to tell me what's wron-” 

And the voice got further and further. Until he couldn't hear it anymore. He couldn't hear anything. Except the thundering of his heart. He couldn't see anything but the blurred darkness of his eyelids. But what he feels. That's the scariest of all. Because he's feeling everything, and nothing, all at once. 

His breath quickens, and it's uneven, he can feel his chest heaving, but not the air that's meant to fill them. His hands are shaking, but he can feel the fabric of his coat. He can't feel himself . Where has he gone, why is this happening this wasnt supposed to happen he tried so hard what's going on why is this happening why is thIS HAPPENING-

A sudden jolt forced him to open his eyes. Callum is holding onto his shoulders tightly, his mouth is moving, but words aren't coming out. Then they do.

“-ran?! Ez! Hey, look at me! Please look at me, okay!” He uses one hand to still hold onto Ezran, as if his little brother might float away if he lets go. He uses his other hand to motion to his own chest. And he holds his gaze with Ezran. Then he takes a breath. A long one, and holds it, then he let's it out again. 

“Ez, I know it seems really hard, but just- look at me, okay! Breathe, Ez. Breathe in… Breathe out.” He makes the motion again. And Ezran takes a shallow breath, holds it in, and lets it out. 

“Y-yeah! See, you're doing great Ez! Breathe in, breathe out.” He does it again, and again, and again. Every breath that Ezran takes, he takes with him. 

And slowly, after several minutes. Ezrans breathing becomes even, his sobbing quietens down. And his tears stop streaming down his cheeks. But his eyes won't meet his brothers. And after a few more silent minutes, he says the only thing he trusts himself to say without crying.

“I- I'm sorry.”

Callum just stared at him, a bewildered look on his face. “Sorry? Sorry for what?” he asked, genuine confusion in his eyes. 

“For the coronation. For the nerves. For this !” He gestured wildly with his arms at himself. Frustration laced into his voice. 

Callum furrowed his brows. “Ez…None of this is your fault-” “But it is, Callum! It is!” He cried out, finally meeting his brother's gaze. “I shouldn't be feeling like this…Today's a happy day! A good day. A hopeful day… and- and my job was so simple! All I had to do, was walk onto the balcony, get the crown, say some words, wave, and come back. Easy! But instead, I'm here. Crying. And I don't even know why! I'm being pathetic! Just like they all said. Maybe Opeli was right… Maybe I'm not ready for this-” 

Callum cuts him off with a hug. It was the first one since the morning of Callums birthday, several months ago. “Dont- don't say that sort of stuff! You are so much more than that, and- and I won't stop saying it to you until you believe it!” he tightens his grip on his little brother. And Ezran can't help himself, and he tries to resist it. Resist the urge. But he succumbs, and wraps his own arms around Callums back, clutching tightly at the fabric of his coat. His forehead pressed into his brother's shoulder, and his body shakes with sobs, as tears begin to seep through the blue fabric. 

And- Gods, He’s missed this!

Missed the warmth of someone's arms wrapped around his little body. Whispering soft nothings into his ear, and wiping away his tears as they stream down his cheeks. 

And he knows he's pathetic and weak for wanting it, for wanting this. But he knows it already. So does everyone else. What's the point in proving them wrong…

So he lets himself be held, be comforted. He lets himself fall and cry into someone else's shoulder. And for the first time in months… 

He lets himself feel like a kid.

~ * ~ 

A soft grunt catches both boys off guard, and they lift their heads in unison to the grey glowtoad sat in front of them, a sorrowful expression on his face. Callum let out a laugh, and Ezran cracked up a smile while wiping his tears. He then reached out his arms and picked up Bait, pulling him close into his chest. He looked up at Callum, who was smiling to himself. 

“Callum?” Callum hummed in reply. 

“How did you know that I'd be here?” 

He opens his eyes and taps his chin, like his deeply on thought, then he turns towards the doors and shrugs. “I was on my way to the balcony, 'cause’ I was, y'know, running late.” He grinned sheepishly. “Then I got there and Opeli looked really confused, and apparently you'd ran away. And then…I don't know, I just thought you might be here. So I grabbed Bait and ran here. Ezran smiled sadly. 

“Sorry that I worried you.”

Callum opened his mouth to say something. Then he closed it. And then he opened it again.

“Why'd you start without me, though?” He had this funny pout. Not really upset, just there to draw out a smile. And it does. A little bit.

“I didn't want to rush you. I know you're still upset about Rayla…leaving. So I didn't want you to feel like you had to be there.” Callum flinched at the mention of Raylas name. Admittedly, he hasn't gotten completely over her. Yet . He'll be fine. Eventually . Besides, right now was about Ezran. “Ez…Sure, she ran away on my birthday and all, but…This is your coronation! Or, well, I guess…recoronation? Has that ever happened before? Is that a thing? Could you get recoronated a third tim- ack! I'm getting sidetracked!” Ezran giggled, it was amusing when this happened. His brother's mind was amazing. And how he could ask so much about something so little was a mystery Ezran had long given up on solving. 

“The point is-” Callum gently grabbed Ezrans shoulders. “-This is your big day. And I wouldn't miss it even if the whole world was on fire!” He said it with such reassurance and determination in his eyes, that it took them both a minute to understand what he said. “Well, maybe not on fire. But, a storm could do. You know, like a thunderstorm, at least I can get rid of that one.” He smiled, then frowned. “As soon as I figure out a spell for it…”

He turns towards Ezran. “But nevermind that. I have a question for you.” Ezrans smile widened, “And what's this one about?” “Why are you in here in the first place?”

Ezrans smile falls, and he lowers his gaze. He shouldn't tell him. It'll just go to show how miserable he really is. How's he ever going to be a good king, if he keeps telling others about his problems?

For just a second, he glances up at Callum. And then he thinks. ‘But it's Callum, he'll never hurt me. Not on purpose. He's my brother. And…he trusts me. So I need to trust him too.’ So he does.

“I'm not…really sure. I just- I didn't want to be there. There were so many people. And everyone was staring. And cheering. And-” he places a hand on his chest. “-I couldn't feel my breathing. And then everything froze, and I couldn't see anything except all the eyes, and they were expecting so much. And- what if I failed as king! What if I make worse mistakes than Dad. Or I can't create peace! There's so much that could go wrong, and I don't know if I'm ready for it anym-” 

“Hey!” 

Callum tightened his grip on Ezrans shoulders, and started shaking him gently, but rapidly. “Snap out of it! That's my little brother you're talking about!” Ezran just looked at him silently, mouth hanging open from his unfinished ramble. Bait lay in his arms, grey still coloring his skin. Callum sighed heavily and lowered his head. “Ez, be honest with me, right now. Do you want to be king?” Ezran was about to answer. But he closed his mouth instead. 

Did he? He was given the option of having a regent. He would be able to go back to being a kid. And playing with Zym, and exploring Xadia. But did he really want that? 

“I need to be king right now.”

“That's not what I asked you. Do you want to?”

He was about to say no, but his mind shifted. What would happen if he did say no. Then what? They'd be right back where they were before Viren came to power. A cycle of blind justice and no peace. He didn't want that. He didn't want to become someone who left the lives of millions into the hands of anyone who was an enemy of the state. He didn't want pain. He wanted peace. He wouldn't get his childhood. But then again, he'd lost it anyway. 

But…

He would be able to play with Zym, and explore the forests and go on journeys to Xadia. And spend time with Callum. And go on Jelly tart hoists with Bait. And just…

Be a child. 

“I…think so…” It was uncertain. But there was truth to it. A part of him truly wanted to be king. To be a good king. But…

“I don't know if I'm ready…” He whispered it out. But as soon as he did. A sense of relief washed over him. He'd realized this a while ago, but being able to admit it to someone was different. It was…freeing. But relief only lasts so long, and Ezran didn't know what to expect with Callum. But whatever he was expecting, it was not whatever Callum did say. 

“Then dont be.” 

It was so simple. He said it so bluntly. As if it was the most obvious solution to ever have been discovered. As if every problem he had at that moment would disappear at the uttering of these words. 

But the strangest thing of all. 

He felt like it was true. And a part of him wondered if Callum had put a spell of some sorts on him. He felt a lightness in his chest. He didn't have to be ready . Then doubt reared its ugly head once again. And the lightness was replaced by a new kind of heaviness. Guilt .

“I need to be king, Callum.” He said, his voice was firm. Like the one his dad had used the last time they spoke. When he told them to go to the banther lodge. 

Callum took a seat next to him, wedged between Ezran and the throne. Bait looked between the two princes. The grey glow faded into yellow. Callum turned to look at Ezran. 

“Yeah, maybe you do. Or maybe you think you need to. But the point is…You don't have to be king alone .” 

Ezran blinked in confusion. Callum smiled. “You know…Harro- Dad, had a council. They helped him with hard decisions, and stuff. But they also helped him when he didn't know what to do.” The young prince squinted his eyes. Obviously he knew. He'd been studying the laws and customs for months now. He'd had to work up the courage to consult the council. After Saleer's treason, and Virens coup, Ezran had been wary of the council's standing. The only person he truly trusted was Opeli. And maybe the thought of having people he didn't fully trust be his closest consultants was…terrifying at the least. He didn't want to mistrust them. He wanted them to know that they were a vital part of the kingdom. But he couldn't help the fear. 

And Callum, practically reading his thoughts, replied. “He chose his council.” Ezran's brows furrowed. “I know?” he stated, or, maybe it was a question? Was Callum playing tricks on him?. Callum shook his head, smiling. “No, I mean- He chose his council!” He said again, as if saying it again would magically clarify what he meant. Another confused look from Ezran prompted him to explain. “You can make your own council too, you know.” Ezran is about to say something in objection. Then he stops, because. Well. That…wasn’t something he’d actually thought of. But…

“I don’t know everyone that well though…How am I supposed to choose a council?” Callum smiled again. “Anyone can be on the council.” Ezran stayed silent, so Callum continued. “Anyone you trust can be on the council. Friends, family, important people, and so on.” 

Ezrans eyes widen in shock, he turns to look at the carpet under him.

He could do that. He could actually do that. He wouldn’t have to rule alone. Sure he would have to call some of the shots. He would have to make some difficult decisions alone. But, he didn't have to do that all the time, he wouldn’t be alone. He could have friends. That he trusted. And he wouldn’t be so alone. And then another thought. 

He turned to look at Callum. 

“...Will you be on my council, Callum…?” 

“Of course!”

~ * ~

Bait grunted happily as Ezran carried him down the hall, Callum at his side. Both princes spoke animatedly about old adventures, friends, and what Ezran wanted to improve about Katolis. 

“I want to fix the relationship between Katolis and Xadia.”

Callum nodded in understanding. But Ezran wasn’t finished. 

“I know it’ll take time…But I know we’ll make it happen!”

He smiled a close-eyed smile at his older brother. And Callum blinked in surprise, but he smiled twice as bright. It had been a while since he’d seen his little brother smile so brightly. Since he’d seen him smile at all . It was lovely. It was a lovely smile. All teeth and crinkled eyes. Bright and hopeful. 

Yeah…Callum smiled, but he knew it couldn’t compare to Ezran’s. 

It didn’t falter as they met a frantic Opeli, at the great double doors. She was talking with a pair of guards. Or- Talking, is the wrong word. She was technically yelling, but her posture and her (almost superhuman) ability to keep herself composed, masked the reality of her words. She turned as the princes approached. Her face had a hard expression and her features said that she was annoyed. “There you both are.” Her words were cold, but her eyes had a glint, as if what she wanted to ask was, ‘Are you alright?’ 

Ezran nodded, and bowed his head, “I’m sorry for running away.” 

Opeli’s features softened, and she placed a gentle hand on the young prince’s shoulder. “Nevermind that…Are you ready?” 

He lifted his head and nodded. Opeli’s brows furrowed, as if to say; ‘Are you sure?’

Ezran smiled. He handed Bait to Callum, and pushed at the double doors. 

~ * ~

He was met with a panicked Soren, along with Corvus, attempting to calm the restless crowd. They were asking about their king. Where was he? Why hadn’t he appeared? Had something happened?!

The whispers and shouts were all silenced as the doors opened for a second time, This time, with Prince Ezran at the front. 

Soren turned around, and let out a sigh of relief. Opeli followed after Ezran, and finally Callum walked through the doors, with Bait in his arms. Soren took his place, on the far right of the balcony, Corvus took his on the far left. Opeli stood at the edge, and addressed the crowd once more. Ezran got closer and closer to the railing, and when he finally reached it. He stopped breathing.

Under him, stood the crowd. It seemed like they had multiplied. Every inch of the courtyard was flooded. Men, women, and children all looked up at him. His heart beat faster. There were the eyes again. A million pairs of eyes, all looking up at him. Waiting. All of them. Expectant. His hands slid off the railing, and he almost inched his way back. Back through the doors. Back through the halls. Back into the throne room. On the to-large throne. Under the portrait of his father. Into his corner, where no one could hurt him-

A playful breeze tickled his neck, the only part of him that wasn't covered in heavy velvet robes, or his unruly tied up hair. He turned a little, only to see Callum, holding his finger up, the same way he did when he cast a spell. He had a smile on his face. It reached his eyes, and Bait smiled with him. 

And then he heard it

The cheers.

Then he saw them.

The children. All of them, barely visible from where he stood, but he could see them. Little beings. Bundles of light. All of them, exactly how he had been mere months ago. And he smiled back. Because, that. That was why he was doing this. The children in that crowd, amongst the million. They were the future. He was the future. 

“...King Ezran, of Katolis!” 

And Opeli took the crown from the hands of the servant boy. The crown. Made from his fathers’ sword. And now a crown. His crown. It was born a weapon, made to split apart. And Ezran had forged it, into a tool, made to bring together. 

Ezran kneeled down, The same way his father had, 10 years before him. And Opeli, with her rare smile. Placed the crown on his head. The same way she had done, 10 years before. 

And as he rose, a new weight on his head. And a new responsibility on his shoulders. So did the crowd. They cheered, as they had cheered, 10 years before. 

Ezran opened his mouth, and took a deep breath. The speech he’d spent months writing, and re-writing. And fussing so much over. It was all gone. Now, he spoke from his heart. 

“Hello…I am…Ezran…”

…Alright, maybe his heart was still a little nervous…

He took another breath, a deep one. His eyes flicked to the side, and Callum was there. Right there by his side, smiling at him, and nodding. He made that motion again, of breathing in and out.

So he did.

Breathe in, Breathe out.

“I am King Ezran. And I’ve been given a big responsibility. And…Honestly, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to fulfill this responsibility all alone.”

A chorus of gasps snaked through the crowd. Even Opeli looked a little panicked. But Ezran continued.

“But I’m not alone! I have amazing people around me, and…I know I’m young, but I know that we can achieve peace if we really try!” 

Another breath

“I don’t want more bloodshed. I don't want more lives to be lost because of the mistakes of the past. My dad was a good King. But I want to be better. I know that if we work together, not just the Pentarchy, but the elves and dragons as well! Then we can achieve peace. It won’t be easy. I know… But I believe in us, and I believe that we can be better than our ancestors. Better than the past. And…We can be a brighter future!”

The crowd was silent. The anxious butterflies in his stomach fluttered wildly, and with each passing second, his resolve crumbled. 

Then a cheer

Then a second

And a third

And before long, the whole crowd was cheering. Loud. Enthusiastic. Hopeful .

~ * ~

Ezran looked to his right, Callum looked right back at him. Smile, broad on his face, Bait, in his arms, smiling his toothy green. Opeli stood on his left, her rare smile, and the beautiful glint in her eyes, smiling right back at him as well. Corvus, and Soren stood at the prin- King's sides.

He let out a breath.

He wasn’t alone. He stared out, over the walls, the forest, and all the way past the border. 

Rayla was out there too. 

He wasn’t alone.

He closed his eyes.

He took one last deep breath. 

When he opened his eyes again. There weren’t a million eyes staring at him anymore. There were a million ears instead. A million hands. A million hearts .

They were ready to listen . To help rebuild . They wanted peace .

And he wasn't ready. But he was here . 

And he wasn’t alone. 

~ * ~

Thanks for reading! :) ~ Remzy