zairiswilzuun-blog

[zairiswilzuun-blog]

Fourth Astral Moon, Sixth Sun

Haven’t put anything in this stupid thing in a while.  Anything remotely like a journal entry anyway.

I have a lot of mixed emotions right now.  On one hand, this is more or less what I expected.  But on the other hand, I’m continually getting gobsmacked by these outcomes.

I don’t even want to move from this spot.  Just sit here all night and stare at the splinter of Dalamund.  Frozen just like the ocean.

Make sure you eat.  Eat something.  Don’t forget to eat.

Yeah, fine.  I know what you’re trying to say, but what’s it gonna take for you to actually say it?

I’m watching the spiral out of control and all the signs are there, but still I’m getting shoved away and treated like I don’t belong.

Maybe I don’t anymore.  Maybe things are so different now that there is no going back.  It’s done and over for good.

Either way, I’m not going to be able to sleep.  Might as well enjoy the view.

[zairiswilzuun-blog]

.002, is this what regular jobs are like?

Today was relatively uneventful - the healer’s declared my wound officially healed enough for me to start taking jobs again. As if that had stopped me before. 

Even so, I started small. I defended a group of Arcanist Guild students during a class exploration in Ul’Dah. The pay was good, more than enough to replace the teakettle I destroyed months ago. 

Boring, though. I expected us to have some trouble with the local fauna at the very least, but no, not even that. The worst thing that happened was that one of the newer students had a spell backfire and almost poisoned herself, but it was nowhere near as horrific as the others were making it out to be. I have no love for centipedes, but….attempting to murder it with magic seems a bit excessive. 

The woman that comes by to sweep up the hallways between the apartments told me I ought to go out and do something fun. That I sit in my room all day writing and reading and mapping.

I suppose I should find more of those stage shows to visit. Those were fun, in a strange way.

That can come after I’ve done some upkeep on my weapons, as well as myself. 

[zairiswilzuun-blog]

Third Umbral Moon, Fourteenth Sun

What in the... fuck was that?

I’ve seen all kinds of things.  Things I’d like to forget, things I found funny, things I enjoyed.  All kinds of things.

But watching people eat spoiled or off food... and it’s treated like some form of... entertainment?  People just gathering up, watching.  Encouraged to watch.

Just watch these people try to make themselves sick.  For the promise of some “great and coveted mystery prize”.

Dozens of people gather at the Grindstone.  People beating the crap out of each other.  But that has a purpose.  You can learn from sparring with someone else.  There’s always something new to learn.  New people to learn from.

What can you possibly learn from watching someone eat spoiled food?  What prize could possibly be worth putting something in your system with the intent to make you sick?

They sign some... waiver.  They aren’t told what they’re going to eat.  Just that it’s a challenge.  They sign this waiver, five dishes are brought out.

And people just sit there and watch it happen.  Casually sipping their drinks.

What.  The.  Fuck.

[zairiswilzuun-blog]

Third Umbral Moon, Twelfth Sun

So.  Many.  People.

I don’t even know why

Getting anxious and suspicious in crowded places like this is frustrating.  And annoying.

I can’t get my heartrate (this line in particular gets so messy and jagged that it becomes difficult to read).

... No need for something like that in the first place.

I don’t even know why it feels this way but the air just feels... tense.  Polite faces.  Simple smiles.  Like it’s all a big stage show.

But why does it

There has to be a reason for this looming sense of frustration.  Not just from me, but in general.  From the host, especially.

It’s difficult to read (this line also gets very messy and jagged and is interrupted by a streak of what appears to have been a coffee stain).

... Possible that I’m just over-analyzing things and I’m just too high strung right now.

Why am I even here?

[zairiswilzuun-blog]

Third Umbral Moon, Eleventh Sun

Again.

It happened again.

Am I just socially inept now?  Unable to function in any sort of social capacity?  Everything I say or do just gets misinterpreted or taken negatively?

It was supposed to be dinner.  Sparring and dinner.

I gave what I thought was a good, basic lesson.  NOPE.

That was a mistake.

I was told to focus on the positive after I unintentionally instigated another argument, and the examples I was given where I ‘did just fine’ were instances where I barely said a word.

Message received, I guess.

I’m so emotionally and mentally numb at this point I don’t think I have the capacity to be irritated, upset, or depressed.  Much less look on the bright side of anything.

I’m disappointed at myself for falling off the wagon again, but every day that passes makes me more and more glad that I did.

Just going back through this journal is enough to make me want to vomit.  All the sad and depressing shit I’ve put in these pages.  I honestly want to throw the whole thing away and just not bother.

That’s enough for today though, I think.  I’m going to get a few drinks and see if there’s someone I can fight.  Maybe break some stuff.  Cause a little havoc, then call it a night.

[zairiswilzuun-blog]

This was a mistake

This was a mistake

This was a mistake

This was a mistake

This was a mistake

This was a mistake

This was a mistake

This was a mistake

This was a mistake

This was a mistake

This was a mistake

This was a mistake

This was a mistake

I was a mistake

This was a mistake

This was a mistake

This was a mistake

This was a mistake

This was a mistake

This was a mistake

This was a mistake

This was a mistake

This was a mistake

This was a mistake

This was a mistake

This was a mistake

This was a mistake

This was a mi

[zairiswilzuun-blog]

Third Umbral Moon, Fifth Sun

You ever hear good news, and it punches you in the gut and twists around your insides and tears them out?

Doesn’t sound like good news then, right?  Being conflicted is a hells of a thing.

The silver lining of things is I’m getting out and networking more.  I’ve got a lot of job offers and more offers still of people wanting to... hang out... which is still an odd concept to me these days.

=====

Didn’t do as well this time around at the Grindstone.  Knocked out in the second round.  She was good though, so I don’t feel bad about it.  It does make me really antsy about next week though.

For the time being, I’m going to sit here and have a mental debate on what I’m actually going to do now going forward since my end goal has... somewhat dramatically changed.

I get a lot of opinions and ideas about that topic, but it’s difficult for someone to formulate an opinion on something they don’t completely understand.

Can’t fault them for trying, though.

[zairiswilzuun-blog]

Permanent

“You’re... not really giving me a lot of clean area to work with here.”  The taller Elezen lamented over the Miqo’te’s heavily scarred skin, holding an inking gun in another hand.

Zair’is couldn’t help but grin a bit, releasing a quiet chuckle as he glanced over his shoulder.  “Wasn’t really something I consented to willingly.  Think you can make it work?”

The Elezen released a lengthy sigh that wordlessly portrayed ‘I have my work cut out for me’.

Tilting his head to the left, Zair’is let the artist begin to ink in the design he wanted on the side of his neck, where his neck connected to his shoulder.  He made a quiet grunting noise as the needle made contact and punctured his skin, staring across the dimly blue lit room from his spot on the chair.

“First tattoo?”  The Elezen made idle conversation as he worked, wiping blood and excess ink from the spot on his skin as he worked.

“Sort of.  This is the first tattoo I’ve willingly chosen to get, if that’s what you’re asking.”  Zair’is responded back dryly, his face changing to expressionless.  He quietly smacked his lips and lidded his tired eyes halfway.

“... Sorry I asked.”  The Elezen sighed again quietly, feeling awkward with how little the Miqo’te was giving him.  They were the only two in the parlor at the moment, and the buzzing sound of the inking device was the only thing cutting through the soft music in the background.

There was several more moments of relative silence until Zair’is opted to speak up again.  “Eh, my bad.  Just got a lot on my mind.  This whole tattoo thing has a lot of meaning to it.”

The Elezen raised a brow slightly, pausing his work.  “That... is the case most of the time.  But, I understand.”  Shaking his head a bit, he went back to work, inking across the Miqo’te’s skin.

“Suppose you’ve got me there.  But hey, at least you don’t have to deal with me for too much longer.  I could have gotten a sleeve.”  Zair’is sideglanced without turning his head to the Elezen, grinning widely.

“Gil is gil.  Besides, I’ve dealt with all types.  You’re easy.”  The Elezen chuckled in a distracted manner, wiping blood and excess ink from the area again.

Zair’is didn’t really have much else to talk about, simply looking forward with his arms propped up on the chair, letting the Elezen puncture his skin and ink out the design.

About two hours pass and the Elezen sits up, pulling his sleeve up that was sagging on his left shoulder.  He clicked off the inking gun and set it aside.  He then stood up and pointed to a nearby full body mirror.  “Go take a look and let me know how I did, yeah?”  He smiled at the Miqo’te.

Standing up from the chair, Zair’is wandered over to the mirror, tilting his head to get a better look at the design on the crook of his neck.  He turned slightly and gave an approving nod.  Digging into the pocket of his pants he pulled out a few more gil, holding his hand out to the Elezen.

The Elezen accepted it into his hand, giving a slight bow to the Miqo’te.  “I take it you like it, then.”  He smiled a slight shark’s grin at the Miqo’te.

“Sure do.  You did good work.  Thanks for that.  I’ll be sure to head back your way if I need some more ink.”  Zair’is was in the process of covering the area that was recently tattooed, folding his coat over his shoulder and putting his hat on.  He opted to keep his upper half exposed for the time being.

The Elezen walked the Miqo’te to the door and opened it for him.  “Please do.  Thanks for stopping by and...  I hope he or she appreciates it.”  The Elezen had a twinge of assumption and question to his tone as he made the statement.

Zair’is didn’t say anything to the Elezen, but did force a small smile to him, nodding as he headed out  the door.

[zairiswilzuun-blog]

Third Astral Moon, Twenty Seventh Sun

Happy name day to me.

Last night was a nice diversion from... plants.  Ugh.  I really hope this goes over well so all of this was worth it.  This isn’t my forte at all.

That being said, being able to practice scrapping with some like-minded people was awesome.  This Grindstone event is something I’m going to have to go to more often.

Who knew that a Lalafell in a maid outfit would try to body slam me?  Life is full of wonderful surprises.

I need to work on my grappling for sure, though.  Made a lot of sloppy mistakes.  Didn’t have complete control of the fight and that’s why I got knocked out the round before the grand finale.

Bridesmaid, but not a bride.

I’ll be back though and I’ll try again.  I’ll try again even if I do end up winning this thing.

It’ll give me ample time to practice different approaches and different combat styles.  Don’t think I’ll ever bring my katana along, but who knows?

Maybe I’ll run out of ways to punch some one.

[zairiswilzuun-blog]

Third Astral Moon, Twenty Fourth Sun

Well I can’t taste anything.  Not for a while, anyway.  Sampled so many different herbs, spices, and flavorings that anything else I put in my mouth just has no taste.

I never bought much into this stuff when I was slumming it during my survival stint.  If it was edible and gave me energy, then that was good enough for me.  Didn’t have to taste good.

I’m not doing that anymore now though, and this isn’t exactly for me anyway.  So I have to pay attention and make sure I’m getting this right.  This isn’t my wheelhouse and I’m learning as I go.

I’ve found a couple of things that work well together, and some others still that may be an acquired taste.  I’ve talked to so many culinarians and wrote down so many notes that it’s going to take some time for me to really sit down and study it.

... And hopefully make more sense of it.

Don’t let anyone fool you: food science is serious business.

For now, I’ve got the stuff I needed preserved and packed.  I crushed stuff as best as I could so it would be easier to transport and use, but doing the actual grinding to make it strain through hot water?  That’s a several hour process in itself.

If this doesn’t pay off and it gets ignored or turned down...

...

... Then I’ll be a little grumpy.

[zairiswilzuun-blog]

Third Astral Moon, Twenty Second Sun

My fingers... they hurt so much.  No one told me that plucking friggin’ grass and weeds would hurt worse than getting stabbed!

... Or maybe I’m just used to getting stabbed.

Either way!  After collecting ingredients for two days straight, my lower back and my hands are ready to call it quits.

The good news is, I’m making good progress.  I’m not sure if it’ll do any good, but I have to try at least.  It’s worth it to try.

=====

I also decided to start tinkering with my blade.  The Sekiseigumi would be pretty upset if they saw me messing with “perfection” as they would put it, but I prefer to think of it as being adaptable.

I managed to find some powered aether crystals and with a bit of work and some assistance from a blacksmith; I think I’ve figured out a way to conduct lightning through my blade.

This may pose a bit of a problem when I get wet, or in the rain... but I’ll just have to exercise some restraint when activating it so that I don’t end up frying myself and scrambling my insides.

The crystals can be hot swapped and reloaded into the blade, but so far I’ve only managed to get lightning infused crystals to work correctly.  Superheating the blade in the method I’m currently using almost caused the fuchi to burn off, so I have to be careful if I’m going to use other elements.

For now, though.  Lightning will work just fine.

Always thought lightning was cool anyway.

... Thunder is pretty cool, too.

[zairiswilzuun-blog]

.001, the hypertuned project.

I haven’t kept anything resembling a journal in so long, it’s as if I’ve forgotten how to write. Ogul says this is how he kept his head, all those years in the Castrum. It’s a pretty book he’s found me, too - plain and black, with red embroidery down the spine. He thinks Chanai might have thrown some aether into it. To what end, I’ve yet to find out. Knowing her, I may see bubbles come out of it or something.

I will write in Xaelic for safety.

On to more pressing matters.

The Castrum trip with Zair'is was…eye-opening, to say the least. The activities going on in that place are not entirely unfamiliar, based on Ogul’s accounts. Despite that, I found myself somewhat unprepared for the reality of the situation.

The Hypertuned Project, while fascinating, explains the handful of reports I’ve heard with people suddenly going missing, only to return as if nothing had happened. They will then at any moment lapse into a shell of their former selves and begin to butcher and maim anything and everything around them. They are supersoldiers - augmented supersoldiers with a planted “switch” that the Garleans can activate whenever they wish.

Zair'is was almost lost to that “switch”. I still wonder if

Meaningless conjecture aside, we were able to reverse the process using the same technology. Thanks to the other Hypertuned residents of the facility, we barely made it out alive. I’ve yet another range of scars to prove it.

I remember something like this, however. Missy - a former Mol woman I knew for a time who taught me how to make pasties - had a switch as well - though, hers was a song. A song that also connected other girls with the same “switch” that she called her sisters.

It was strange. Some are instilled with a fairly simple kill switch, but others are given a far more complex set of directives. I wonder if this separates the intended rank and file from the specialized infiltration units.

I will have more notes on this in the weeks, or months to come. I’m sure Chanai will find a way to chain me to my bed if I don’t stop worrying and focus on letting these wounds heal.

But….Night Mother, I know his entire past now. Every memory, every picture of the past. I don’t know if I’ve ever known this much about anyone. It’s unsettling. Almost too…intimate. But I was able to restore them, which is what matters, I think. Can’t focus on the if. Can’t focus on how much my head was spinning when I thought I’d managed to

…Now I remember what I was planning to do today. Why did I let Chanai buy me those romance novels? They’re going in the nearest mailbox I can find. If Zair'is says another bloody word about them, I’m stealing his new jacket.

[zairiswilzuun-blog]

Third Astral Moon, Twentieth Sun

I don’t really think loneliness is something you ever really get used to.  Plenty of people can say that they’re loners, but eventually being by yourself all the time can really eat you alive.

Whether I like it or not, that’s more or less the case.  My contacts dried up, the people I knew at one point have moved on or vanished - save for three.  One of which I can barely say I know anymore and the other would probably sooner gouge my eyes out than have a normal conversation with me.

Can still count on one, though.  That goes a long way when your back is to the wall.

============

I finally opened the notes I got back.  About me.

There’s stuff about my parents in there.  I never knew them... at least I don’t remember knowing them.  My first memories were of the Limsa sea.

It might sound stupid but I’m honestly scared to read up about them.  I have no idea what I’m going to find and for the longest time I held curiosity about where I came from.

But now that I have the opportunity to have those questions answered; I freeze up.  I just can’t bring myself to read it.

Eventually my curiosity will beat out my brain’s irrational fear, I’m sure.  But for now, the information is just sitting there on my shelf.

Honestly, I’ve got more than enough things on my mind right now...

[zairiswilzuun-blog]

Third Astral Moon, Seventeenth Sun

Now what?

That’s the question I keep suppressing in my head so that I don’t have to answer it.  Because I don’t know what now.

I was always told “focus on you; worry about yourself; etc” and... well, for the last few suns that’s all I have been doing.

Help was in short supply, that’s for sure.  But it is a unique problem.  Now that I think I have it under control, I’m not really sure what to do with myself.

I’m really good at doing things that involve violence... and getting my arm almost removed from my body (apparently) but after my “vacation” in the castrum that many moons ago...

I’ve changed.  I’m a much different person now.  I’m not the only one either.

What is there for people like me?

... I wish I still drank alcohol.

[zairiswilzuun-blog]

Do You Remember?

(( What follows is a story about Zair’is and his partner in crime’s last ditch effort to get his memories back.  Hope you enjoy the read! ))

“Check your gear.”  Zair'is absently addressed the smaller female Xaela.  They had made camp just outside of Castrum Abania, the sun had set, it was raining.  Zair'is was decked out in his usual combat gear; full range of motion in the arms, gauntlets that defended his forearms, greaves that gave him protection to his knees and lower legs.  The Xaela's name was Artani and for the last few months they had been operating on and off as a pair when missions called for it.

“I did.”  The Xaela responded simply.  She could tell Zair'is was nervous, even if he didn't outright show it.  Her eyes scanned him and watched him as he checked his pack for the fourth time.

“Check it again.”  Zair'is paused to flatly deliver the command to her.  Artani rolled her eyes and couldn't help but smirk a little, checking her small pack again to humor him.  Artani's gear almost mirrored Zair'is', lighter and easier to move around in than his with less protection on the arms and legs.

“I assume you know where we're going and what we're looking for?”  Artani's heterochromia affected eyes pierced through Zair'is as she stared at him.  Zair'is was mouthing to himself and making a checklist in his head, for as much as he could remember anyway.  He absently nodded in response to her question.  Artani shrugged, his response good enough for her.  She shouldered her pack and checked her weapons, tilting her head up to look toward the horizon at the looming castrum.  The plan was, at least as far as Zair'is explained to her, was to sneak in, find where they kept the test subjects for the hypertuned project, insert Zair'is in, and try to reverse the process that was done to him in an effort to get his memories back.

Even Zair'is himself wasn't sure the plan would work, but he was running out of time and didn't have many other options.  He was given some hand-written notes on his “condition” but nothing that would help him reverse it or fix it. Nothing that would even help him delay it.  To him, he was going to have to handle the problem himself, only this time Artani insisted she help and watch his back.  Artani rest her hand on Zair'is' shoulder, causing him to pause his pack check.

“We should get moving.  The rain's only going to get worse.  I'll go in first and make a path.  Follow my lead in.”  Artani hummed and gave a slight nod as if to cap a period on her statement, moving past Zair'is toward the bridge leading into the Castrum.  Zair'is took a few slow breaths and shouldered his pack.  He used his thumb to push his katana out of his scabbard a slight amount, checking the motion of it to ensure he could draw and sheath it as quickly as he needed to.  Satisfied, he followed after the Xaela.

It would be storming soon, and the idea was to use the heavy rain to their advantage to get into the facility unnoticed.  The hardest part would be retracing Zair'is' steps during his initial raid and hope that they didn't butch up security in that time.  Zair'is had assumed security would still be recovering from the raid that nearly killed him.  In reality, he didn't have much of a plan; more of an act of desperation that he hoped would be a solution to his looming problem.

“We're on the way in.  I'll keep you posted.”  Zair'is murmured into his linkpearl, his footsteps sinking in the soggy sand.  He was smart enough to tie his hair back to keep his hair from getting in his way, and without it he likely would have had a difficult time tracking the fast-moving Xaela as she darted through the night.  She was eliminating guards in such a ruthlessly efficient fashion it would have made even the most established assassin blush.

“So far so good.”  Zair'is gave kudos to his partner over their private pearl.  The Xaela didn't respond, clambering up one of the pipes on the outside of the castrum to pry the haphazardly repaired grating loose; their way in.  She squeezed into the pipe, leaning her upper body out and lowering a hand to give Zair'is a pull up.  Trudging through the wet sand to pick up speed, he kicked from the pipe and used the momentum to push himself upward, clapping his hand into Artani's, who simultaneously pulled him up to allow him to grab onto the lip of the pipe.  She had turned back around at this point and worked her way further into the pipe, leaving Zair'is to work his way into it in a much slower manner, his build being much bigger than Artani's.

Artani wormed her way through the pipe to the point she was out of sight, while Zair'is slowly shifted ilm by ilm through the pipe behind her.  “Should probably lose some weight.”  Zair'is heard over the private pearl.  “You're almost a foot shorter than me, and you have much less muscle than I do.”  Zair'is bit back in a strained tone as he continued to shift through the pipe.  “All I heard was that you're a bigger target.” Was the quip he heard back.  He saw another opening finally at the end of the pipe that Artani had already cleared for him.  Leaning his upper body out first, he gripped the lip of the pipe and pushed the rest of his body out of the pipe, flipping his lower half over his upper half then dropping into the facility.

Artani was already making friends, introducing herself to one of the Garlean scientists the best way she knew how.  “Hypertuned.  Location.  Now.”  Zair'is could barely hear the words, but could read her lips well enough as she threatened the scientist with her dagger and superior choke hold positioning. The scientist didn't say much, but did point down the hall which meant that Zair'is' memory hadn't betrayed him completely yet. Zair'is held his position for several moments, scanning his eyes across the facility and recalling the events that lead up to his near death experience.  His timing was off, and there was some big shot lieutenant present that evening which meant a larger guard presence, and he had the misfortune of squaring off with the lieutenant himself.

“Hey.  Let's go.  You can think later.”  Artani encouraged him forward as she made her way down the hall, having given the scientist an unexpected napping opportunity. Zair'is pressed on behind the Xaela, letting her take the lead as she insisted.  Artani wasn't convinced that Zair'is had fully recovered from being deathly ill and almost bleeding to death, so she was trying to stay out in front of the male Miqo'te to keep him from getting involved in too much action.  Plus, in her mind, she was vastly sneakier than he was.  “We're inside.  Heading toward the hypertuned testing chamber.”  Zair'is posted an update across the linkpearl.

The hallways leading to the hypertuned project were surprisingly light on guard postings.  Something that made both the Miqo'te and the Xaela nervous, but gave Zair'is hope that his intuition was correct and that were still on the recovery. Zair'is pulled a small leather bound notebook from his satchel and made a “psst” noise to the Xaela in front.  Artani perked up and paused her movements, turning to look at the Miqo'te.  Zair'is flung the notebook to her with a long, underhanded toss.  Artani snatched it out of the air, looking at it with a quizzical look on her face. “Notes on how to operate the machine.  They're basic and incomplete, but hopefully it helps.”  Zair'is explained over the private pearl.

Artani nodded wordlessly and stowed the notebook.  Truthfully, she was nervous about having to operate the machine at all.  Machinery wasn't her forte to begin with, and considering Zair'is' entire mental structure was on the line for this particular event, she was feeling less than confident.  Zair'is' footsteps quietly padded across the metal floor, until they approached a door.  Zair'is took a moment to reflect and then keyed in the combination of symbols to the best of his recollection.  The panel flashed green and the door slid open with a gliding sound, revealing the hypertuned testing chamber to the Miqo'te and the Xaela.

“Empty.  Trap.”  Artani quietly gave her analysis to the Miqo'te next to her, keeping her eyes scanning across the room.  “Maybe.  They might be trying to reboot the project.  Or... maybe testing is finished.”  Zair'is gave his assumption, taking a few steps into the room.  He noticed the tube was closed next to the machine, with a dim red light providing a minor amount of illumination throughout the chamber.  “...They put someone in there.”  Zair'is alerted Artani, his eyes narrowed as he approached the machine and the tube.  There was dim lighting throughout the room, overpowered by the dim red light on the tube itself.

Zair'is stared at the control panel and held his hands out in front like he was about to start pushing buttons, but paused for a few moments to collect himself.  Muscle memory kicked in and his fingers slowly danced across the control panel.  Soon, the panel flashed green and the light mirrored the action by turning from red to green.  The tube slid open and both the Miqo'te and the Xaela turned their attention to it.  There was another Miqo'te inside. Male.  Almost an exact match for the color pattern for Zair'is.  

Intrigued, Zair'is approached the tube, leaning over the lip of it to investigate the Miqo'te inside. His eyes were closed, looking as if he was asleep.  Zair'is widened his eyes slowly as he noticed a strikingly familiar look to the Miqo'te.  “...He... looks like me.  No scars.  Younger.  I... I don't understand.”  Zair'is vocalized his confusion, but was cut short by the Miqo'te's eyes suddenly popping open.  His arm darted up and his fingers wrapped around Zair'is' neck, which Zair'is reflexively gripped the wrist of the familiar tubed Miqo'te.  Artani was already in motion toward the tube, darting to the base of the tube.  Zair'is stared into the tube Miqo'te's eyes, narrowed and noticing that his mouth was sneered in anger.

Snapping his attention from Zair'is, the tube Miqo'te attempted to grab Zair'is' katana to defend himself from the rapidly approaching Xaela.  Using his free hand, Zair'is pressed his fist into the outstretched hand of the tube Miqo'te, forcing it into the edge of the tube and holding it there.  Forced with the decision of getting assaulted by the approaching Xaela and keeping his hold on Zair'is, the tube Miqo'te released his grip on Zair'is' neck, allowing Zair'is to retreat a few steps and get his hand on his katana.  The tube Miqo'te raised a foot to plant it on Artani's stomach as she spiraled through the air to get over the lip of the tube and skewer the tube Miqo'te with her daggers, interrupted by the intercepting foot and forced backward.

Flipping to a lowered posture as she hit the ground, Artani waited to see what the tube Miqo'te's next move would be, much as Zair'is was doing.  Neither of them said anything, but watched as the tube Miqo'te climbed out of the tube, pulling free of the tubes attached to his form-fitting helmet.  “I. Am rage.”  The tube Miqo'te finally spoke.  It sounded similar to Zair'is, but different enough to be off-putting in an uncanny valley sort of way.  Still unsure as to what the purpose of the tube Miqo'te, but understanding completely that he was indeed hostile, Zair'is darted forward, drawing his katana in the same moment to attempt a horizontal slice across the tube Miqo'te's abdomen.

The tube Miqo'te reflexively darted backward, using the tube to rebound back toward Zair'is and deliver a swift kick into his ribs.  Into Zair'is' healing wound.  The sharp pain bloomed across his stomach and his midsection in an instant, causing his arms to shiver, threatening to drop his blade.  He felt moisture form on his eyelids, dropping to a knee.  Artani responded in kind, launching into the tube Miqo'te's flank and attempting to bull rush him away from Zair'is.  She connected, the tube Miqo'te not fast enough to intercept her completely.  His hands pressed against her shoulder and the side of her head as she threatened to push the tube Miqo'te prone.

Sheathing his blade, Zair'is rotated his body on the floor, kicking his leg out to sweep the tube Miqo'te's feet out from under him in an effort to take advantage of the momentum provided by Artani.  He found purchase in the back of the tube Miqo'te's knees, sending him toppling over onto his back. Artani found herself perched on top of the tube Miqo'te with his foot planted on her midsection, attempting to kick her off and use the momentum to right himself with a kip-up in the process.  Zair'is reached out and grabbed the free ankle of the tube Miqo'te, restraining him from completing the second part of his process. Artani was kicked up and slightly back into the air, throwing her slightly off balance, though she was able to roll and recover on the metal floor.

Zair'is pulled the tube Miqo'te across the metal floor, his metal helmet scraping and bumping across the grooves in the floor.  Climbing on top of him and digging his knees into the side of the tube Miqo'te, Zair'is propelled his right hand into the Miqo'te's face, striking him across his left cheek, then following up with a left.  This process continued for three more punches until the tube Miqo'te grabbed Zair'is' right arm, noticing the wound he had that went across the whole of his shoulder and wrapped around under his armpit.  He sank his thumb into the wound, applying pressure while simultaneously rocking his body upward toward Zair'is and gripping him by the throat again.

Zair'is cried out from the shooting pain across his arm, his whole body shivering.  He breathed in and out with heavy breaths through his teeth, saliva spitting across the tube Miqo'te's face as he stared unblinking with complete hatred and anger at Zair'is.  His thumb continued to sink into his shoulder, blood spurting from the wound and oozing across the tube Miqo'te's hand.  Zair'is attempted to used his left hand to grip the tsuka of his katana with an underhanded grip, trying to pull the katana out enough to use the tsuka as a blunt attack against the tube Miqo'te's ribs.  The tube Miqo'te reflexively raised a knee and blocked the blade from releasing by hooking his knee cap against the fuchi. Zair'is locked eyes with the tube Miqo'te, both growling like wild animals at one another and locked in a grapple that Zair'is was quickly losing.  The whistling sound of steel through the air could be heard along with the dull thunk of steel sinking into something soft.

Artani had successfully aimed and lodged one of her daggers into the tube Miqo'te's thigh that was blocking Zair'is' katana from releasing.  The tube Miqo'te flinched, but maintained his posture, still applying pressure in Zair'is' wound and flexing his fingers around his throat.  Hearing Artani's footsteps rapidly approaching, the tube Miqo'te attempted his initial maneuver a second time, rolling backward and throwing Zair'is in the direction of the approaching footsteps.  Successfully using the momentum from the throw, the tube Miqo'te rolled into a crouch and turned his attention behind him.  Artani shifted to the side and held her hand out, catching Zair'is' good arm and throwing herself out of alignment in the process.  The Miqo'te and the Xaela spun one and a half rotations before landing prone on the floor.

Artani was the first to right herself, using a kip-up to get herself up from the floor.  She stood defensively over Zair'is, who rolled over to his good arm and pushed himself up on his elbow, using a knee to elevate himself.  The tube Miqo'te slowly paced across the metal floor with his bare feet, approaching the duo with his eyes locked on Zair'is.  Grunting and still breathing in and out heavily, Zair'is tried to move his right arm and experienced the sharp stabbing pain he was intimately familiar with.  Unable to move it more than a few ilms, he let the arm dangle by his side, blood still oozing across his pale skin. Slowly and wobbly, Zair'is stood, his underhanded grip remaining on the tsuka of his katana.

“You're going to bleed out.  You need to run.”  Artani commanded Zair'is, not moving her eyes from the approaching tube Miqo'te.  “I'm not leaving you.”  He responded to her through grit teeth, his voice pained.  He was breathing with sharp bursts of noises accompanying his exhales.  “I can buy you time. You can't fight in your condition.  I can.” Artani protested, still standing defensively in front of the wounded Miqo'te.  “Now is not the time to be stubborn, old man.”  Her words didn't seem to be doing much good to getting the wounded Miqo'te to make a run for it.  Zair'is continued to stare at the tube Miqo'te as the distance closed between them.

Artani grunted as she ducked low and attempted to gouge the tube Miqo'te between the ribs, which the caused the tube Miqo'te to respond by shifting his posture and wrapping his arm around Artani's wrist.  The tube Miqo'te's hand applied pressure to her elbow, pushing it in the wrong direction and threatening to break her arm at the joint.  Artani attempted to respond by jabbing her other dagger up toward his jaw.  The tube Miqo'te attempted to intercept her strike by gripping her wrist but wasn't quite fast enough, instead catching the dagger through the palm of his hand.  His hand was skewered but he had effectively stopped her from utilizing that dagger further, as the guard was locked against the bottom of his palm, the point of the dagger sticking through the top of the tube Miqo'te's hand.

The tube Miqo'te continued to stare at Zair'is, flinching a bare amount at the blade gouging through his hand.  Zair'is grit his teeth and took a step toward them, trying to quickly think of a solution that wouldn't involve Artani's arm being broken.  Noticing that Artani's body was held off and slightly to the left of the tube Miqo'te, Zair'is didn't like the solution he came up with, but acted instead of thinking further.  “I'm sorry!”  Is all he vocalized as he turned his body and in one smooth motion released his katana and stabbed behind him with the freed katana, using his momentum and his underhanded grip to stab through Artani's side, ideally above her kidney and under her lung, then puncturing through her and stabbing into the stomach of the tube Miqo'te.

Artani's eyes widened as she felt the steel sink through the soft part just above her hip, but felt the pressure against her arm alleviate as the shocked tube Miqo'te recoiled backward, his hand instinctively going for what was stabbing through his stomach.  Artani flipped her dagger around in her hand and stabbed just below the shoulder blade into the tube Miqo'te's back, dragging her blade diagonally upward toward his neck.  Zair'is turned the blade and as quickly as he could, pushed the blade to the right.  

Artani grunted loudly as the blade of the katana cut free from her skin, freeing her from being pinned against the still skewered tube Miqo'te.  Zair'is twisted the blade again, pulling the blade in a z-like pattern through his stomach, pulling the blade free from his stomach with a spurt and fount of blood, then sinking it back into his stomach at a slightly upward angle, going through the bottom of his chest cavity and toward his spine.

Artani and Zair'is' blades both reached the same conclusion, connecting into the tube Miqo'te's spine and applying pressure.  The tube Miqo'te stared with burning eyes at Zair'is as Zair'is looked over his shoulder.  Blood spilled from the tube Miqo'te's mouth, until his eyes rolled back into his head and he went limp, held up only by their blades.  Zair'is pulled his katana free first, then Artani unhooked her dagger from his neck.  She released her hold on the dagger in his hand, letting the lifeless body collapse to the ground.

Zair'is dropped his bloodied katana on the ground, dropping back onto his backside.  He was panting, his skin paling to an even lighter shade of white than it normally was. Blood had pooled along the metal from where he was standing.  Pulling a cloth free from his satchel, he cleaned his blade one handed as effectively as he could.  He dropped the blade onto the metal floor toward Artani, nodding toward it. “Heat it up.”  He commanded with a hurried and winded tone of voice.  Dropping to her knees, Artani pulled a whetstone from her pouch and proceeded to rapidly rake it across the blade.

Panting with pain, she continued to rake the stone across the blade until it began to smoke and spark. Zair'is collected the blade with his good hand and immediately pressed it to Artani's exposed blade wound, a sizzling sound accompanying the gesture.  Artani hissed and bit down on her tongue, feeling a tear roll down her cheek.  Zair'is rubbed the blade along her wound until the brief flash of heat was ineffective and tossed the blade aside again.  Pushing himself up back into a standing posture over Artani, he pulled a small bottle from his pack and proceeded to uncap it and dump its contents across Artani's barely cauterized wound.  He watched the liquid foam slightly along the wound, Artani still biting down on her tongue and hissing through the process.

Wobbling, Zair'is gripped his shoulder to apply pressure to it.  He swallowed heavily with a noise of pain coming from his throat.  “Sit.”  Artani groaned from her throat, coming up to her knees as Zair'is dropped back down on his backside. Digging through Zair'is' pack, Artani pulled out a couple more cloths, wrapping them around Zair'is shoulder and under his armpit to cover the wound as completely as she could.  She dumped what remained of the bottle into the cloth to soak it, then wrapped more cloth around it.  Tying it off to ensure it stayed tight, she checked Zair'is stomach, noticing that the scab had ruptured, but the bleeding was controlled.  She lifted her gaze to Zair'is' face, then to the machine.

“We have to hurry.  Can you stand up?”  Artani slowly pulled herself to her feet, gently gripping Zair'is' arm to help him up.  Zair'is groaned and hissed through his grit teeth as he stood with her assistance.  Slowly they made their way to the machine.  Zair'is gripped the edge of the tube with his good arm and with Artani's help guided himself into the tube.  “We're starting the process now.”  Zair'is updated the linkpearl with a slow and deliberate delivery of words, feeling faint and weak at this point.  Flopping onto his back into the tube, Zair'is gave Artani a limp thumbs up.  Sliding Zair'is' instructions onto the control panel, Artani scanned it and then the panel, pressing a few buttons to cause the tube to slide closed.

The Xaela's eyes scanned over the Garlean script appearing along the machine, slowly working through it with the aid of Zair'is' hasty instructions. Deliberately and carefully punching the buttons as she went, she noticed that the machine was a bit more freeform in what it could do.  Potentially, if she was understanding things correctly, she could alter the Miqo'te's memories; even erase some entirely if she wanted.  It did look like there was a means to revert the destruction of his memories, but there was also a risk of leaving him brain-dead from the process. Artani paused, thinking over her options.  

Zair'is had commandeered the helmet the tube Miqo'te had on and had plugged himself in once the door had shut.  Feeling an overwhelming sense of drowsiness mixed with a sharp painful sensation like the worst migraine he'd ever had, he felt like he was listlessly floating in a black void.  Sounds echoed in his mind in what seemed like slow motion, voices with indiscernible messages infiltrated his thoughts, and fragments of thoughts and memories floated through his peripheral like stars in the sky.

Artani was scared.  She could be responsible for the death of the Miqo'te if she didn't do this right. Even if she did everything right there was still a chance it wouldn't take and would leave the Miqo'te brain-dead in the tube. Knowing that Zair'is’ wish was to have all of his memories, both good and bad, back; she began the process of reverting the subjugation. Tapping buttons on the console while trying to ignore the searing pain in her side, she darted her eyes to the notes, then back to the console.  She had entered everything correctly.  She thought she did, anyway.  The machine whirred and made several clicking noises, lights flashing from red, to green, then back again.  Artani stared at the console, her hands balling into fists.  She darted her gaze to the tube, then back to the console.

Zair'is continued to float in the void.  Voices started to register and make sense.  Familiar voices from people he recognized.  He could place faces with the voices. His memories slowly coming out of his peripheral and back into focus. Occasionally there would be an interruption to the voices, like a orchestrion skipping while it played, but things that he had once had great difficulty remembering slowly came back into focus.

The machine continued to click and go through commands, Garlean script scrolling along the machine. Suddenly, the lights began to click off one by one, pulling Artani's attention from the console to the lights themselves.  Emergency lighting began to click on.  Panicked, Artani figured they were killing power to the facility.  She slammed her fists on the edge of the console.  “Faster.”  She commanded it as if it would cater to her every whim.  

Within moments she was plunged into darkness, the only source of light being the faint pulsing light of the emergency lights and the lazily blinking red light on top of the tube. Artani's eyes were wide, darting between the console and the tube. “No.  Nononono...”  She muttered, tapping at the buttons furiously to get some sort of response out of the console.  The machine was silent.  “No.  No, please.”  She begged the console, raising her hand to slowly pull the release lever on the console to pop the lock on the tube.

With a forceful tug, she unlocked the tube.  Moving to the side of the tube, she put her weight into pulling the lid open, feeling stabbing pain running through her side as she did so.  Finally throwing the lid off the tube, Zair'is was barely visible in the dim light, still with his head tilted to the side.  Artani clambered up onto the tube and pressed her ear to his chest.  He was breathing, faintly.  Her hand moved up to his face, running along his cheek for a moment until she began pulling the lightless tubes from the helmet.  Sitting Zair'is up, she pulled the helmet from him.  She flicked him in the forehead.  No response. Next she pinched his ear.  No response.  “Wake up!  WAKE UP, GODS DAMN YOU!”  She shouted, frustrated and slapping her hand across his cheek.

Zair'is furrowed his brow, blinking his eyes open in a bewildered manner.  “F-...fuckin'... ow!  What was that for?”  Zair'is murmured in a groggy fashion, trying to raise a hand to wipe his eyes, but was intercepted by a Xaela squeezing him into a hug against her.  “Scaring me like the asshole you are.”  She responded.  The hug was brief, before she clambered back out of the tube, helping Zair'is out of it over the lip.  “What do you remember?  Do you know where we are?  Do you know who you are?”  She tried to assess his mental faculties in a hurry. “We... we need to leave.  You made it work.”  Zair'is nodded in her direction in the dim light.

That was enough for Artani, collecting his katana from the floor, Zair'is followed closely behind the Xaela, using the darkness to their advantage to exit the same way they came in.  Squeezing through the tube with his arm in the state that it was was one of the most agonizing things imaginable to Zair'is, and with a less than graceful flop out of the mouth of the tube, he landed on his back in the wet sand.  He grunted and laid there for several moments, breathing slowly and evenly.  Artani reached down and grabbed his good arm, pulling him to a sitting posture, then up to a stand.  “We're... ou... out.”  He murmured over the linkpearl. “And?  What do you remember?”  A voice responded back through the linkpearl.  “I... I remember.  The smug look on your face... when I thought I was being so slick and tried to steal a kiss from you under the Thaliak constellation... and you beat me to it.”  Zair'is replied back with a small grin on his face, making his way across the bridge with the Xaela.

“I'm going to make sure you get to your safehouse, then we go our separate ways for now.  Best to lay low.”  The Xaela took point through the rain as they made their way to the aetheryte.  “Hey, Artani...”  Zair'is started, both of them illuminated by the pale blue glow of the aetheryte.  “Later.” She says, nodding and giving Zair'is a knowing smile.  “We can talk about it later.  Get going.”

Zair'is stared at her for a moment, patted her on the shoulder then moved to the aetheryte, reaching out to touch it.  He braced himself for the all-to-familiar feeling of nausea as he was whisked away to safer territory.  Artani paused for a few moments, releasing an exhale like she had been holding her breath for the last hour or so.  She couldn't help but laugh to herself quietly, rubbing her face a few times. With a smile, she too touched the aetheryte, disappearing in a flash of white light.

[zairiswilzuun-blog]

Third Astral Moon, Thirteenth Sun

I’ve never felt that sick before in my life.  Everything ached.  I couldn’t keep anything down.  I don’t even remember how I woke up with the Wood Wailers in the Shroud.

They said they found me around the ruins of Amdapor, but I only vaguely remember going there.  The only reason I remember is the odd looking flowers.  White with a blood red border.  Never seen those there before, and I’ve been through the Shroud plenty.

I’ve seen blood in my vomit before, and I’ve had diarrhea more times than I would have liked to, but nothing... and I mean nothing, prepared me for this.

I’ve been stabbed, shot, lit on fire, skewered, branded - but this is what real agony felt like to me.

Then it just... stopped.  Someone gave me some medicine, and while I’m not foolish enough to believe I was given some miracle cure, the symptoms just... dissipated.

I’m sure I haven’t seen the last of this mysterious virus I had, but I’m thankful for any sort of reprieve I can get.  Especially now.

I need my strength for my plan to work.  At least I hope it’s going to work.  I don’t have a lot of other options.

The last time I infiltrated the Castrum I almost didn’t make it back out.  But this time I’ll be more prepared.  I know what I’m up against, and they likely still haven’t recovered from the damage I did.

Now is the best chance for me to get something done about my situation.  Hopefully reverse this process and get my memories back...

If not... well...

It’s not like I’m going to remember it anyway.

( @the-faceless-xiv )

[zairiswilzuun-blog]

People to Remember

[Names and physical descriptions have been REDACTED]

A. D. - Trustworthy.  Doesn’t say much.  Stares a lot with piercing eyes, though.  Likely one of the only people you can still depend on.

B. W. - Loves bad jokes.  Changes hair a lot.  You can trust and rely on him.  Don’t ask about his scars.

M. M. - Your friend from long ago.  There’s not enough space here to describe the changes in your relationship.  Lately she’s been very frigid and kinda bitchy.  Doesn’t like when you use one word answers.  Elaborate with her. Ultimately, be careful around her.

K. T. - May seem spaced out, but this is normal.  She has an unusual way with words, but gives good advice.  Doesn’t change facial expression much.  Really good listener.  She hasn’t tried to kill you yet, so relatively trustworthy.

V/A - Haven’t seen him in months.  At the time, was reliable and very excitable.  Liked to wear cloaks a lot.  Clumsy.  You haven’t been in contact with him in a while and have only heard rumors.  Be careful.