yuljedoc

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You're Gonna Live Forever With Me

Probably one of the saddest scenes in Korean Drama Land. It was more than difficult editing this. I was in agony. It took me weeks just to finish this. It was pure pain.

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“𝙄 𝙙𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙧𝙚𝙜𝙧𝙚𝙩 𝙢𝙚𝙚𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙤𝙧 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙮𝙤𝙪.

—Baek Yijin

They first met three times.

They broke up three times.

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Even if we didn't know each other, we would still be together like now.

We were destined to meet at some point in our lives.

—Baek Yijin

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Moral of the Story: 2521

Here I go again, mulling and being deranged about Baekdo.

Time flies so fast and I can't believe it has been more than a month since its broadcast.

By the way, just a disclaimer: I absolutely do not agree with the first until before the bridge part lyrics of this song. I am in a cave last time this was produced, so I have no idea. I initially decided to use the instrumental piano piece. (Although, I have like 3 more pending edits that may or may not come to light.) But honestly, I was a bit taken aback of the lyrics, so again I am in no way affliating the whole story of Baekdo with the lyrics of this song, except for the bridge part to the end.

There are three reasons why:

First, I still used this because of how I was reminded of Yurim.

Remember in Episode 13, Heedo had a chance to ask Injeolmi about her issues with Yijin?

Yurim told her that: It'll probably hurt if you lose it all, but what matters is that you've had it at some point 🙃

So, that's why...

You know, as much as I love this drama, I am literally still depressed about the ending. It's probably how it felt like it needed to explain the props or what happened to them at the present timeline. But I guess it'll always boil down to being realistic. I, too have no idea what happened to the people I kinda grew up with. And the fact that we might be seeing it all through the eyes of Minchae who was reading her mom's diary.

Secondly, I decided to use this song was not because their relationship was a mistake. I don't agree that what they had was just something superficial. Can be forgotten? Nope. Definitely no. As we have seen it, because of the support they once had given to each other, the trajectory of their lives have changed. I couldn't say for the better because I do think a happy ending must be an end game for them, but still we cannot ignore the fact that without each other's presence during their formative years, they wouldn't end up as fulfilled as they are now.

Which, I don't think they are, emotionally speaking. I just hope that the writer implied that for Heedo, her happiness is now with raising her daughter. And for Yijin, finally reuniting with his family, because ain't that their goals from the start? Except, of course with Heedo. She's already retired now in 2521 universe, but it just means that she had done what she wanted in life. She fought the uncertainties and became the best in her field.

I say this because I know the makers of this show geared us toward a realistic theme, so their life didn't actually end like that for good. There is no such thing as happy ending where they lived happily ever after, but life goes on.

Maybe along the way, these two lovers will meet again and the writer left it in our own imagination.

Lastly, it was because of how every mistake they made, it was always okay. Why? Well, they all always do come back for each other.

That's why I included the monologue at the end where Heedo said that there are no words that described their bond. For me, it still stands true.

I think that they have surpassed all the names of being in a relationship that no matter what, how much they are apart, or even together, their relationship can only be defined between the two of them.

Thank you reading this & watching my edit!

Here's my yt channel:

Please do subscribe. It means a lot to my sanity. :)

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BAEKDO: FIX YOU

I never thought I'd finally make another #Baekdo edit. It actually took me a month to finish it. This was just sitting on my editor app waiting for me.

I have a lot of songs in mind this time, but mostly sad ones.

I choose 'Fix you' because of the prelude instrumental part of the bridge. For me, it felt like a rhythm going back to time and so does for Yijin and Heedo.

How I wish that when they went to see each other at the beginning of this edit, it wasn't a goodbye, but to see each other again.

When I was editing this, I thought I wouldn't cry. Jokes on me. It was hard just to see their happy moments and I just realized this... that there was not much a lot of scenes between them when they were officially in a relationship :(

It was such a short time.

It was intense and it was love.

(I do hope they still love each other, but maybe a different kind of affection. )

Thank you for watching & reading this.

Also, if you like, you can subscribe on my yt channel :) here:

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Kim Tae Ri really nailed Heedo, not just for her skills as a fencer, but as a teenager. Mostly, FLs are so overly polished. Head to toe, we barely see them drenched in sweat, unafraid of being comical & dramatic, but not Taeri. She was genuine & that's being a GREAT ACTRESS.

Congratulations for winning the Tiktok Popularity Award at the 2022 Baeksang Arts Awards.

"No matter where you are, I’ll make sure my support reaches you"

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I saw this relatable tweet and I realised why I am back here after almost a decade of separating with this app/website.

2521 made me resurrect my eagerness to write long ass essays (frustrations & reflections).

Here has always been my home.

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I'm stll here.

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You know what keeps me up at night?

Giving me nightmares?

In episode 12, Yijin said...

But literally in Hangul, Yijin actually said:

옆에서 오래 보고싶다

옆에서: beside, by your side, next to you

오래: long time

보고싶다: (보다 : to see), (고싶다: want to)

Which means:

I want to stay by your side for a long time /

I want to see you for a long time

Followed by:

Sigh.

What happened to the long time, Yijin-ah?

Another day of overthinking that this might be intentional and another day of crying that this was one of their abandoned words.

I'm not okay.

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The Tale of 15 Years

I'm rewatching Start-Up and what is this curse? 15 years again?

Ah Jebal~

Is it gonna be wise to watch this again? I'm just looking for a dopamine kick. Though, I honestly would want to watch Start-Up to now focus on Nam Joo Hyuk. I admit that I became a Kim Seonho fan when I first started this drama. I was a torn JiDal and DoDal shipper, but at the end I rooted for Nam Dosan. I'll prolly make another entry for this explanation. I wish I was in twitter stan and tumblr when it all happened. it must have been fun to experience the war back then. He he he.

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Lovers to Friends?

There's this multi million-dollar question why Yijin and Heedo can't remain just friends.

The fandom is divided. Is it really possible?

Aren't they friends to begin with? Was it the pain between them?

Personally...

I think that not only did the break up of Yijin and Heedo was painful, but also her separation with the Taeyang Squad.

But let's find out. Shall we?

This reminds me of a dark humor response that Heedo is back to square one:

친구 없어

I don't have any friend.

but if I may, let's grammatically correct it:

친구들 없어 = I have no friends.

I gotta put the plural 들 to put salt on the wound. Yeah. 'cause it felt like Heedo not only lost the love of her life, but the friends she made along the way.

I'll try to explain why. Bear with me, please.

In my opinion, I do think Minchae didn't even know who were Heedo's friends back then. It wasn't directly implied, yet as we can see in episode 4, Minchae's grandma, Shin Jaekyung had to introduced their names one by one.

Hence, the birth of the Dementia Theory.

We assumed Shin Jaekyung have dementia or in it's early stages of Alzheimer's and Minchae was just testing if she can remember her so called father Kim/Baek Yijin. Yeah. No shit.

Also, adding the fact that Minchae doesn't even know who Baek Yijin is, if he really is the father as we have hoped for or just for the sake that her mom and this guy were friends before. Minchae doesn't seem to know his existence.

But kidding aside, it did looked like she was seeing them for the first time or maybe knowing them only through photos. Painful take, apologies for that.

Looking further back, when Minchae first read the diary. She uttered the words:

But as we watched and analysed it, it didn't seem that Heedo wrote the first sentences in the diary pertaining to Yijin, but to Yurim.

For me, it is canon that her first love could be these 3:

1. Fencing

2. Yurim

3. Yijin

I am so sure that what Heedo meant and obviously it was Yurim.

So, why the hell does Minchae doesn't know that they became best friends? Like, how?

Two plausible explanation:

Heedo did not tell it to Minchae and Minchae has not even met Yurim.

끝

And to expound the disconnection of Heedo and the Taeyang squad, remember how she suddenly forgot the beach trip? :

I mean, how the hell can someone fails to recall being carried like this?

I'd probably tattooed this on my mind for the rest of my life. I'd write poems and songs about this. lol

Well, to tell you the truth. I am torn. 50/50.

Some even thought that she was just feigning ignorance infront of her daughter, but biologically and psychologically speaking, I must say a 40 year old Na Heedo forgetting this iconic memory is valid.

I'm not gonna talk about Heedo having the crazy Selective Amnesia Theory. Naur. Or the funny pun where Yijin's forehead flick was so strong she forgot the trip etc.

Hear me out on this first. I'll explain.

Let's focus biologically and theoretically. As someone who works in healthcare, I've seen people and even studied that it's quite possible that you wont remember everything in your past. One simple reason? Old age.

Neurons deteriorate.

I know that sounded like she's already disintegrating mentally. She's not even that old yet. Even Jaekyung remembered their names and it wasn't even shown in the drama that she met Heedo's friends. I know. It's crazy.

But somehow it's true. There are even 3 theories why we forget: physiological, neurochemical, and psychological.

And Psychologically there are 5. For Heedo's case, I think it has got to be Decay Theory. It fits.

Decay theory states that if we don’t access memories, they will fade over time. 

So, why does she doesn't access it?

Maybe Heedo doesn't go about revisiting her memories. Is it?

But why?

Going back again in episode 4, where Heedo said these:

What is this? Very conclusive, right?

It might mean something...

And that something means there must be a painful meaning behind why she had to forget.

There was this another theory again back then that a very traumatic event happened to one of the gang. Like, Yijin, Yurim, or even Seungwan dying.

Yijin dying from overwork or accident. (Here comes the 9/11 & Red Luggage Theory)

Yurim taking her own life because of recurring suicide attempt.

And Seungwan will die because of her bleak outlook in life.

We were certified clowns. It made the whole fandom a carnival.

These things didn't even came true.

(Well, thank God about that. The ending was traumatising enough. )

So, what exactly happened?

This happened:

The breakup scene that caused a discourse. Some were satisfied, but majority was in uproar. Chaos was ensued. We were all depressed. I got panic attacks.

The other camp were saying that this is a beautiful closure and the other camp were all enraged that this was the end of all things they had.

So, was it that beautiful?

For me, it was painstakingly beautiful. The setting was indeed beautiful. It was Spring and what does this season even means? Blossoming? New fucking beginning? Of what, Baby? Beginning of a heartbreak? Sorry. I'm starting to cuss. I want to break something and sue this network. It doesn't make sense. It made sense, but it felt like it doesn't.

Back to regular programming.

For that very reason, I can say that Heedo forgetting the beach trip is logical because this is a viable explanation.

But the question is, what about what the Taeyang Squad? Is she still in contact with them?

We can assume that the answer is No for the year 2021.

There are three possible reasons:

1. Just Because. Some might disagree on this, but as we age we don't really have time to always be in constant communication to our friends. This is especially significant to the people we are friends with when we were younger. Though, this doesn't apply to everyone, but I can attest that this happens. It happened to me. The last time I saw my friends was at a funeral. Yup.

Also, we can also strengthen this claim from this scene:

Seungwan mentioned how they only get to see each other when someone passes away.

2. Pandemic. We know the writer wants this drama to be as realistic as possible to even include this in the present timeline, but I'd like to argue that even though there's still a panini going on, there's this thing called Internet and social media.

3. The Break Up and the Connection of Their Friendships To Each Other. Okay. It was already given how Yijin and Heedo's bond will fall apart, but what about the others?

As we can remember from 2009 funeral scene, Yijin brought his brother, Baek Yihyun and from there, a relationship kind of formed with Seungwan or should I say: rekindled.

And the fact that Seungwan and Jiwoong were diaper friends, I don't think they stopped communicating to each other either.

So basically, if what we can assume from the present time, Seungwan could be Yijin's sister-in-law now and considering the fact that Jiwoong's wife is Yurim, only Heedo was left.

Left alone? Left behind? Or she basically left the gang and turned everything into memories? 🙃

Well, that's how I see it.

On top of that, Baek Yijin and Na Heedo's relationship back then or should I say, still?

They are so much in love. Their affection to each other is so strong. I'm using "is" because there's absolutely no way that their love for each other was gone.

Heedo named her Atelier 2521, rainbow chairs, Yijin things in her old room, red car, her reaction to Jaekyung when she mentioned meeting Yijin recently, not talking about her past memories to her child, talked about it was easy to break off engagement than divorce at the funeral, supposed husband is nowhere to be seen and heard, going to the tunnel after getting her diary back, sentimentally re-imagining a supposed closure from what happened at the tunnel?

What is this sorcery?!

This further strengthened my claim that Heedo didn't moved on until she got her diary back or maybe she really didn't.

Okay. You might argue about the diary, so let's talk about.

I can't post here without breaking down. I can' revisit that scene 'cause it still breaks my heart.

But almost at the end, Heedo came back to the tunnel right after reading the response from Yijin.

Heedo wrote:

온마음을 다해 사랑했어

I have loved you with all my heart.

She used: 했어, which is a past tense. That was heartbreaking and alarming.

But, I'd just like to contest and we can collectively agree on this, I know 'cause I feel it, that she did not meant that her love for Yijin ended up right after they broke up or when she wrote that.

You know why?

Because why did she freaking ran to him to say goodbye? Wasn't that love? Did she just did that for the sake of herself? No. It's obviously because she said some hurtful words to Yijin. She meant those hurtful words, but she didn't said those things to hurt him. You know what I mean.

But what about Yijin?

Yijin didn't wrote loved, but thank you. It just meant he still loves her that time or maybe still. He had to let her go because that's what she wants. He only wants her happiness.

(Insert the romantic monologue from episode 12 with 알콩달콩/Sweetie Pie)

Also, I'm already writing another entry about the concept of moving on: 2521 edition

And I know this might sound a stretch, but remember the last freaking scene of Yijin trying to access his account? Yeah? The prime cause of my panic attacks.

She was the security question. But what's the big deal? If that's the present timeline meaning 2021, and Yijin was trying to access the account of more than 15 years. If we were to subtract 2021 to 15 means it was probably in 2006 that he made her the answer to the freaking security question: Who's your first love?

And how old is Minchae in 2021? 15, right?

This is so depressing.

Okay. If I were to really conclude now my ramblings, I am always gonna be reminded of a saying that goes...

"If two past lovers can remain friends, they are either still in love, or never were."

I cannot speak for everyone who have had lovers and first loves in the past, but this is what I believe about them and what also happened to me.

And that might be the answer why they can't be lovers to friends.

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영원히 / 평생

Eternal / Forever in this lifetime.

(Bear with me, I'll get to this part)

I've been trying to collect all the memorable lines from 2521 and what strucked me the most was the literal translation of the subtitles.

It irkes me as someone who's a beginner learner of this beaufitul language that majority of them weren't as it was said.

I remember back in episode 9, Yijin said:

난 널 사랑하고있어, 나 희도.

It literally translates as:

I AM IN THE STATE OF LOVING YOU

or

I AM LOVING YOU

It was in Continous Present Progressive Tense.

Why was this important?

We usually hear 사랑해요 in korean dramas when they confess to each other. I love you. In a present verb with no specific time. Just now. In this moment. They love each other or that person loves that someone.

But here in this scene,

Yijin affirmed the he loves Heedo. He is in the state of loving her.

It gives weight that his love is a literal verb in process.

Present Tense vs Continous Progressive Tense

(but here's the mind boggling part about grammar.)

In English, Present Tense is a literal event of what is happening right now at this very moment. For Continous Progressive Tense, it means that it will continue to happen in the future too.

However, in Korean grammar, there's a BIG difference. For Present Tense, it is what it is, but for Continous Progressive Tense, it doesn't have definite meaning for the future.

🙃🌈💔✂

Yup. I know.

I was wondering if this was intentional? Like, I called it at that time when I was trying to dissect their lines, but I didn't actually know it'll be foreshadowed. I hope I was just overthinking.

So, let's talk about forever this time.

영원히 means forever in eternal sense.

평생 means forever in this lifetime or in my whole life.

The former one is used anywhere, but the latter one is used only in adverbs. But why does this even matter? Haha!

I differentiated it because BaekDo used it twice in the drama.

One in episode 10, where Heedo said 영원하자 and secondly, Yijin said it in episode 15:

For episode 10, the english subtitles originally was:

But for episode 15, the translator used the literal meaning...

They said they loved each other eternally, but what gives?

At what cost for us?

What the hell does the weight and meaning of these words even mean??!! 😭

I am obviously still in disraught. It's been two weeks now. I am literally missing having mental gymnastics every weekend, but the trauma. Well...

I'll save another blog entry for the emotional unpacking of the whole drama, but I'm not done yet here.

Okay, going back to episode 10 where Heedo said, Why does it feel like this moment will last forever?

Yijin replied:

It literally meant:

I guess it'll last forever.

but in the english subtitles shown was:

Closer, but a bit vague. So, I'll still take it.

But here's what I'm actually trying to say:

The subtitles didn't give majority of their words justice and I do think they still love each other at the present time.

(I'll make a separate entry to explain why I think they still love each other)

Though, I strongly believe it is now a different kind of love. A love that abounds more for other people than to themselves.

And I think that's why majority of the viewers were still in bereft about their relationship because it wasn't strongly implied.

We were left grasping and hanging looking at their future selves. Imagine, what they had was one of the beautiful things in the world, but the circumstances took it from them.

I don't actually resent the break up. Their reasons were more than enough. I agree that they need to be apart at that time. The solution was for them to communicate and to get treatment 'cause obviously they both do have traumas.

Yijin with his ptsd. Heedo with her past experiences with her mom.

They're both still broken people, but I know that doesn't mean their relationship would never work. It's just that... their characters made to the point of resolve without coming it across to the viewers that they did heal after all those years.

So, what am I rambling?

Haha!

I just can't believe how we humans tend to brush off the inevitable possibilities of life that when we speak words, the weight of it, the meaning, and the importance it has to people will literally break them into pieces.

Forever?

Who are we kidding...

"...the moments when I dared to say everything would last forever. I loved living in that illusion." -Na Heedo

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With A Smile: A 2521 Edit 🌈✂

I started making this edit after watching episode 7. Back then, I already had in mind what music I'll use.

With A Smile, reminded me from the second episode where Heedo told Yijin that in secret, he can be happy with her. That was the exact moment this song, I thought was perfect for them.

Looking back, we've all seen the signs. I knew they weren't going to end up together, but as many people did, I resisted.

Honestly, I actually don't want to finish this edit because of how painful it is for me until now. It's been two weeks since the finale and I don't think I can move on right away

Funny though, when I had the full length edit combining all the clips until episode 13, I thought I can't insert the last 3 episodes. I already reached 4:46 minutes. But you know what surprised me the most? It ended at the exact lines where Yijin was supposed to let Heedo go because of the conflict of their professions. He said, "I don't regret meeting you or loving you".

I really called it at that time, but little did I know it'll really come true. And it was the very reason I used the phrase at the end.

Sigh.

I realised that the reason the ending was difficult for me is because I just saw my life flash before my eyes.

I, too believed for a happy ending where they would end up together.

Like Na Heedo, I once met and loved someone like Baek Yijin.

We didn't end up at the end.

So, I have believed that Heedo and Yijin will not be the same.

To sum up, I remember this quote from an anonymous tumblr answer where it goes:

"I get that not all first loves end up together, but not all first loves are baekdo kind of love."

Thank you for reading and watching.

I hope you enjoyed the edit.

Healing may be upon you.

안녕, 2521.