yet-another-autism-blog

[yet-another-autism-blog]

raise your hand if youve been personally victimized by noise

[yet-another-autism-blog]

So i work nights and split my sleep, a few hours in the morning after work, and a few hours in the evening before work.

Today, I'm spending the middle part of the afternoon at my mother's house because they want to play a board game.

I asked if they wanted me to grab lunch for them on my way over, they said no.

So I can't bring something for them. But if I show up with something for myself but nothing for them, my step mom gets mad because I'm being "inconsiderate."

So am I just not allowed to eat today? I mean, I'm spending all the awake time I have with them so...

[yet-another-autism-blog]

Sometimes, I think I'm not that autistic. Then I say something like, "I should make a chart of all the airports I've been to." And welp, there it is.

[yet-another-autism-blog]

What kind of joke was it making me both autistic and extroverted?

Like, hey, let's make this guys mental health dependent on having a robust and diverse social circle full of people he can joke with, share viewpoints, try new activities with, and learn from...

Then let's make him completely incapable of forming a relationship with another person, starting a conversation, and understanding social cues!

[yet-another-autism-blog]

I separated needing reminders and needing support because there is a very drastic difference between someone reminding you to pay bills and someone having the financial control over you that comes with true support for managing finances

edit: after posting I wish I had expanded this to all developmentally disabled adults so if you're developmentally disabled in a way other than autism you can still vote, just pretend it doesn't say autism

[yet-another-autism-blog]

I still don't think it's an acceptable justification for using person first language for someone who hasn't said they're okay with that, but the older I get the more I understand the whole "youre more than your autism" and the more annoyed I am by people's assertion that any given thing about me must be because I'm autistic.

Like, I am a whole entire person and not simply a walking diagnosis. I would prefer if people liked me for who I am and not because they think we have some special "neurodivergent bond."

[yet-another-autism-blog]

I wasn't diagnosed until I was a teen, but as a kid, they knew something was going on.

Social skills was something that I struggled with and was widely recognized to be struggling with, but I was mostly left alone under the assumption that I'd figure it out eventually.

The 'support' I got was mostly around how to recognize and cope with different emotions. Which largely consisted of showing me flashcards with different emojis and labels on them and trying to get me to associate those words and faces with my own feelings. I never managed to do that, so it didn't get far.

I'm curious to know, to any autistic people who received support for their autism as a child, was the support mostly focusing on how to improve your "social skills"?

[yet-another-autism-blog]

Sticky is like my number 1 sensory No. Doesn't even have to be touching my skin, having something sticky on my clothes or stepping on something sticky with shoes on. I can't handle it.

So naturally today, I get stuck working the aisle that someone spilled something on and then "cleaned up" by spreading it all over the floor, so the entire floor is sticky. Like so sticky, it's hard to walk because you stick to the floor.

[yet-another-autism-blog]

^this is my main blog. This applies here as well.

Prelude to goodbye

Decisions have been made, or rather, plans, backup plans, and backup backup plans all fell through, and I've run out of time to make a decision.

So sometime in the coming weeks, I'll be moving out of my mothers house and into an apartment here in hell. Because I'll still be in the same small city as my mothers, I'm still beholden to their rules. This means I will be forced to functionally detransition, drop my "nickname," and be known only by my birth name, give up any dreams of top surgery, etc. I'm not sure yet if I'll be able to continue testosterone, but I'm not optimistic.

I can say goodbye to the hope that I'll ever have friends again. Or date, or even just momentarily enjoy the company of another person.

Additionally, I have to give up acting. Through everything with my roommate, the thing that kept me going was the knowledge that at the end of it, I'd be one step closer to becoming an actor. It has, for years, been the single most important thing to me. At times, it was the only thing that mattered. And now it's gone.

I'll be around as usual for the next couple of weeks. I don't have an exact time frame yet. But once that move happens, I'll be logging out of this account for good. I can't, in good faith, continue talking about trans issues, trans joy, and my experiences therein while knowing I'm living a lie. I plan on leaving my blog in place, and I will make a final farewell post before I go. I just wanted to explain beforehand

[yet-another-autism-blog]

So my friend group has had a group chat since right after high school, but in the past year-ish it's been pretty dead. Every once in a while, someone will say something, but it used to be pretty much every day that we were talking or sending memes and whatnot. Is it like, socially acceptable if I ask why?

[yet-another-autism-blog]

I want to be clear that I don't believe in separatism, I think were all collectively better off together.

But I swear to fuck if I see one more allistic neurodivergent or disabled person talk about how autism isn't really a disability or isn't as much of a disability or is always accommodated, or is socially accepted, I am going to lose my shit.

[yet-another-autism-blog]

I'm fed up with the way that autistic people are expected to constantly accommodate allistic people.

My moms best friend died on Saturday, we found out on Sunday. My stepmother is upset and was yelling at me because I "don't look sad."

So it's not enough that I lost someone I care about. Someone who has been a part of my life since the day I was born. But I also have to police my outward expression 24/7 to make sure I look sufficiently upset for the sole purpose of making allistic people comfortable.

[yet-another-autism-blog]

"Autism traits that are actually advantages-" Hey guys did you know that the problem with eugenics and ableism is the act of assigning different degrees of worth and moral value to different people and abilities and not that we were simply attacking the "wrong" group?

[yet-another-autism-blog]

And to an extent, I get it. In a lot of these cases, there's only so much that can be done. Like, a local trans meet-up I went to a handful of times, for example. It's meant to be a casual hangout, there's people broken up into smaller groups talking, playing board games, doing whatever other activities they've got going on. It's going to be a bit loud and overwhelming, that's just in the nature of this particular event. Trying to get people to tone it down or have fewer conversations would 1) be impossible, 2) not really be fair, 3) defeat the purpose of the event.

I get it. Not every event is made for me, and that's fine. I just wish people realized that "if you don't like it, you can leave" is not any more of an accommodation for autism than it is for any other disability.

I do find it rather irritating that I regularly see allistic disability advocates online claiming that autism is always accommodated when every single "autism accommodation" I've personally encountered has just been *leave*

[yet-another-autism-blog]

I do find it rather irritating that I regularly see allistic disability advocates online claiming that autism is always accommodated when every single "autism accommodation" I've personally encountered has just been *leave*

[yet-another-autism-blog]

ASAN spotted at Meow Wolf Denver

[yet-another-autism-blog]

Im too autistic for birthday gifts. I want very specific things, and i can't mask my disappointment when it's not exactly right

I asked for a dvd box set and my moms got me the blu-ray version. I don't have a blu-ray player. And like, it's fine, I can go get a blu-ray player but I'm entirely too attached to my vhs/dvd player