yallternative-b1tch

[yallternative-b1tch]

My drawings today! Did some based off punish bc I can’t stop thinking or listening to it. It’s truly happening and has always been happening to me<3

[yallternative-b1tch]

Gonna miss being a country girl, forever one at heart:,)

[yallternative-b1tch]

TRUE!!!

every single man in the world is gay

[yallternative-b1tch]

The atmosphere of Punish is unbelievable and other worldly. Then when the guitar kicks in and the harmonizing starts and omg, perfection. I luv the gritty sound as well it gives it more edge. “Shame is sharp, and my skin gives so easy” and the repeated “I am punished by love” hits HARD. Reminds me of “I am the face of loves rage” from Ptolemaea. Also the thought about living on what seems like the edge of the earth feeling/barring all the shame humanity possible is so intriguing. I bet many of us can relate to feeling lonely and isolated while feeling such heavy/intense shame and guilt. But we don’t live on the edge of the world nor do we know the extent to which how much shame a person can hold, but we can all relate to the idea of it despite that. I feel like Punish truly encapsulates this idea and I can’t wait for punish and what’s coming! It has been happening to me…

thank you for all the love on punish ♡

i wrote this song after a drive down to miami on a very dreary day last december with my best friend. we had to get off the interstate because my tire was about to explode and wound up driving down the highway towards lake okechobee taking random side roads every now and then for fun. we stumbled across a tiny community called miracle village near the edge of the lake and it was a very eerie experience. i wondered what it must feel like, to live there alone on what felt like the edge of the earth with the most shame you could possibly carry as a human being.

i recorded half of punish on my phone. the piano, the creaks of a swing set in the park in the middle of the night, the backing vocals. i wanted it to feel up close and personal, almost inappropriate. i made quite a few different versions of it before i settled on this one. i’m glad it resonates with all of you. i took this pic the night i wrote it :)

thank u all for listening! ♡

[yallternative-b1tch]

Kinda ate down w this one maybe??? Idk. I’ll prob change my mind in the morning, but for now I am proud of it!

[yallternative-b1tch]

Literally the coolest

guess what i’m being for halloween

[yallternative-b1tch]

I.Can’t.Wait

XI - Annihilation

@silkenweinberg

[yallternative-b1tch]

Some photos from my day in Toronto! I wish I took more but I was so in the moment and having sm fun. Life is sometimes so kind and days like this remind me y I love life sm (trust me I don’t always think like that). I was really strong for not getting the hifn cd lol, also loved seeing her again in the mall🥰

[yallternative-b1tch]

“i wouldn't change anything about my life, the good nor the bad. i am who i am today because i am shaped by everything i've ever experienced. and i may not be the happiest of people, but i am content with the life i'm living, and confident in my ability to change the things i don't like about it.” Wow. I’ve never felt this seen ever before. I’m so happy I’ve finally accepted my past and who I am for all that has happened to me. I feel sm better and like I can move on in life and make things better for myself. Ty for saying what I’ve been trying to put into words and it feels good to not be alone within this mindset. “I forgive it all as it comes back to me” has brought me sm inner peace and really opened my mind to instead of sitting in my sadness to accept it and grow. Ty again.

how do you feel about people pitying you? it is very hard for me to read about the negative things that happened to you but it seems to me that you speaking freely about it is a way of acceptance? i‘m caught somewhere between parasocial boundaries and apprehension for someone i deeply care about

i'm not really looking for pity! i think it's a natural response to feel sorry for someone you're fond of when you hear of a negative experience they've had but i would never expect it. i wouldn't change anything about my life, the good nor the bad. i am who i am today because i am shaped by everything i've ever experienced. and i may not be the happiest of people, but i am content with the life i'm living, and confident in my ability to change the things i don't like about it. i just enjoy sharing the experiences i've had in my life, simple as that. it helps me to feel real.

[yallternative-b1tch]

Gorgeous girls look like their grandmas<3

me and my granny, norma jean horner ♡

[yallternative-b1tch]

“noticeable lack of passion in everything these days. Everyone can feel it, everyone is talking about it. Everything now is "cringe", or "doing too much", or "not that serious". Actually, it is that serious”. Thank you for saying this. I hate how everything is seen in these ways and it makes me so sad for society that we don’t even let ppl enjoy things anymore. We should never feel bad about our own passions and interests but many of us do for these reasons. We should/let others love everything to the fullest extent without judgment (unless it’s harming yourself/others). I think a big reason why there’s a lack of passion these days bc 1. Ppl get embarrassed to express themselves for the reasons above 2. We live in such a fast paste society where we are constantly moving on to the next big fad so there’s “no time” to be passionate about something. I could go on and on but I’ll keep it at this for now. Thanks for taking the time to write this, I found a lot of the points you brought up very interesting and important<3

Hello very much :)

I thought about making a video on this topic but I decided to just write it out in a post instead. Either way, I'd like to speak a bit more specifically about a drunk rant I made on a separate account the other day that was not as well put together as I'd like to stand as my viewpoints on the subject.

tl:dr, I just feel as though there's a lack of sincerity in the world these days. I speak from personal experience as an artist putting things out into the world, yes, but also as a human being interacting with other human beings on the regular, and I have had my sentiments echoed by many other friends of mine over the past year or so, both artists and non-artists alike. Most of this will be framed through the consumption of art, because that's my own personal passion in this life of mine, but also the way we interface with each other and process the world around us. Now, don't get me wrong, I love to laugh. I love a good joke, and I love lightheartedness as much as the next person. But I saw someone this morning put it very succinctly in response to my rant, something along the lines of "don't let the joke about it overtake the source material." It feels as though it's a common occurrence these days to take a pinch of something with a lot more weight to it, often a humorous bit, and then run with it. Everyone then gathers around the pinch to ooh and ahh and consume it as a whole. Context is immediately lost, the legacy of that body of work becomes its own caricature, and anyone discovering that body of work via said caricature may forgo a piece of art they would otherwise love because "there's nothing there". And don't think this is me griping at those making jokes at the expense of my art. I make jokes about my own art. But when the joke dies, yet continues to grow, and spread, and finds its way back to me both on the internet and off for months (or, God forbid, years) to come, I can't help but say to myself; what the fuck is happening. Artists have fled the public and all their outlets for personality and expression outside the medium because they feel ridiculed. It's not even just their art. Katya comes to mind, speaking on how she went on youtube live a few years back in literal tears talking about police brutality and the injustices marginalized communities were facing at the hands of the government. Meanwhile, the entire comment section "yass" and "mother"ed her in barrages, not paying attention to anything she had to say. I get asked about when I'm dropping Preacher's Daughter vinyl en masse in response to my Palestine fundraiser links. It's everywhere and it's inescapable. No one can be serious for even two seconds.

This may all sound obnoxious; so be it. I tie strings from this central problem to many other complaints I have heard repeated ad nauseam the past few years. For example; the death of subculture. Goth, punk, whatever, you name it. People who built an underground counterculture movement with a rich history based on a love of art, community, and otherwise misunderstood worldviews and experiences deemed foul or inappropriate. Now we see bits taken from it, the terms and the looks, without any of the meat, spread thin across society as a whole. Words mean nothing anymore. One can rest on history and say they were a part of it when in fact, they did nothing. No appreciation or understanding to be had for the love and passion that built it. No serious interaction with the culture's very real confines and boundaries, just mindless co-opting. This has just as much to do with late stage capitalism as it does with excessive humor in lieu of sincerity, but it's certainly both. Again, this may sound like a silly complaint, but I don't care. The collective ennui we're all experiencing has a very real reason, whether we're ready to acknowledge or not.

In a twisted thread, it's even tied to our lack of care to change the world around us. People cheer on the idea of communism, but who among us is ready to give up the convenience of society as it stands? Amazon prime, doordash, fresh fruit out of season as I saw someone mention in a similar post last week; the marvels of modern technology. Do we really think these things can last in a society that isn't actively destroying the planet? We talk about the idea of something all day long but have very little to do with the actuality of what we're talking about. And don't think I consider myself exempt from this problem. I couldn't even try to claim to be. It seems nearly silly to be complaining, then, about the way people consume the art around them these days as we creep towards what feels like the end of days. But as long as I still draw breath, I must complain.

I miss genuine passion. As an autistic individual, when I'm alone, sometimes I cannot contain myself with how things make me feel. The music I listen to, the video games I play, the books I read. I almost feel the need to run through the house and scream in everyone's face how I'm feeling. It feels good to love intensely. Now, I won't pretend like autistic people haven't been bullied for this since the dawn of time, but there is surely a noticeable lack of passion in everything these days. Everyone can feel it, everyone is talking about it. Everything now is "cringe", or "doing too much", or "not that serious". Actually, it is that serious. Insecurity in one's own deeper feelings may not be a new thing, but a culture that seems to promote this eschewing of them does seem to be a new evil. The tone of the internet has completely shifted. I spent most of my time here when I first discovered it a little over a decade ago on Zelda forums and other chat-based websites, talking about how much I loved whatever fandom I was in at the time and having genuine and memorable interactions with like-minded individuals who felt the same way I do. Now, you have two options; if you hate media, you rip it to shreds, and if you love it, you word-salad it to death and parrot a joke about it that someone else said. I'm not saying people don't still talk seriously in a heartfelt way about the things they love, but it does not seem to be the initial reaction anymore. Do I have a solution to this problem? Of course not. I'm a 26 year old girl posting on a tumblr blog. If I had a solution, this is not where I would be dropping it. But conversation is God to man, and I believe in the ability to change things from the inside out. We make the rules, and we can change them.

Before I go, I'd like to just clarify that I am very grateful for my career, grateful to anyone who has ever given me and my art the time of day, grateful to anyone who has ever come up to me and connected with me over my work, and grateful for a life where someone making too many jokes is the worst part of my day. I do not think I am better nor smarter than anyone on or off the internet. I am simply a girl with big feelings and I enjoy talking about them with other people with big feelings, and it makes me sad when something avoidable or unnecessary gets in the way of that.

All in all, I love to love, and I love all of you, I love my life, I love this record, and mi amore vo- i mean.... oh, whatever.

(Feel free to sound off in the comments and please be nice to each other)

[yallternative-b1tch]

I wish I was good at art like everyone I see on here. I’m not trying to sound like I’m bagging for attention or anything, I hope this is coming off in a way of gratitude/amusement. You guys are so talented and creative in the way how you turn songs, film/videos or other forms of media/senses in to art. I am a very creative person and I can see all these things in my head but to execute it into something physical takes a very special kind of person. I think this is also why I stick with photography because as I said before I have all these thoughts but suck at drawing or fine art so I look around the world for things and try to recreate my mental images. I even find writing hard because the ideas, emotions and senses that I’m feeling almost can’t be translated on to paper. I truly appreciate artist so much and art is still alive and maybe even better then ever<3

[yallternative-b1tch]

Ive been waiting a long long while

Trying to memorize and soak in every bit of your smile

Like the way you cover your teeth from being shown

One day I’m going to make you my very own

I don’t wanna sound like some deranged creep

But you keep me up when I should sleep

Because I dream eyes open wide awake

I pray all of this confessing isn’t some life altering mistake

…

I want

Your truths, our youth

Your smile, I’ll go the mile

Your kiss, even crisis

Your lies, time sure flies

Your breath, till death

Your charm, hooked around my arm

Your glare, my stare

Your divine, please be all mine

Be all mine

Be all mine

Be all mine

Won’t you please be all mine

All mine

[yallternative-b1tch]

YES! The movie is a little slow and Kyle’s character does have some flaws to put it lightly, but it had me blushing, kicking my feet and also covering my eyes/mouth.

should i watch dinner in america tonight, yes or yes

[yallternative-b1tch]

I could sacrifice my flesh for you and still feel guilty for not giving you my bones, guts and heart

[yallternative-b1tch]

IM CRYING! TY SM I COULDNT BE HAPPIER!

Punish, off my new project Perverts, is out November 1st.

Perverts will release January 8th.

Single art by @silkenweinberg ♡

[yallternative-b1tch]

OMG! WHAT A FUCKING MASTERPIECE! THANK YOU CHARLI💚🖤