x51163

[x51163]

THIS BLOG IS NOW AN ARCHIVE .

i've moved jay over to @halztead

[x51163]

THIS BLOG IS NOW AN ARCHIVE .

i've moved jay over to @halztead

[x51163]

THIS BLOG IS NOW AN ARCHIVE .

i've moved jay over to @halztead

[x51163]

THIS BLOG IS NOW AN ARCHIVE .

i've moved jay over to @halztead

[x51163]

THIS BLOG IS NOW AN ARCHIVE .

i've moved jay over to @halztead

[x51163]

THIS BLOG IS NOW AN ARCHIVE .

i've moved jay over to @halztead

[x51163]

THIS BLOG IS NOW AN ARCHIVE .

i've moved jay over to @halztead

[x51163]

THIS BLOG IS NOW AN ARCHIVE .

i've moved jay over to @halztead

[x51163]

THIS BLOG IS NOW AN ARCHIVE .

i've moved jay over to @halztead

[x51163]

alright , now that i have a bit of free time ... i'll move blogs . this one feels cluttered already , my notifications are all over the place and so on . so that's what i'll be working on ! love you all and i hope everyone's having a good week

[x51163]

heart in his throat , restless ache in his chest : caught between the weight of feelings still not sorted out & the pull that had brought him right back to buck ― the same he'd spent so long trying to smother , in a way HE HAD BARELY REALIZED how much it had grown . maybe it was a mistake to be there : to bring up any attempt on chasing feelings that could only exist in his mind ― lasting silence to follow own questioning enough to inherently confirm & shatter him altogether . the kind of imposed hush to MAKE THE WORLD FEEL THINNER , like it could crack open if he tried to press for more .

once more the idea of leaving came to bite at detective's thoughts , HALTING STEPS TOWARDS THE OTHER MAN ― awarding buck the benefit of distance for seconds dragged like a lifetime . his chest was tight , his skin felt too small & his mind wouldn't shut up . instead he stood there , watching him : quiet , still , like the whole moment would collapse if he dared to move . another beat , silence spreading further , & every cell in his body screaming at him to run before it got worse ― before he made A BIGGER FOOL OF HIMSELF , before the truth he wasn't sure he wanted to hear broke free and ruined whatever fragile thing they had manage to fix within past few days .

but again jay didn't move . didn't give in to instincts , because there it was enough for him to grasp the reality for what it was : HE WANTED BUCK . not in a vague , distant , idealized way ― but really wanted him . with all the confusion , the fear & chaos . in his life , in his space , in his damn future . and even if in rejection , he'd regret leaving without the truth still held in half - answers . yet when buck lastly found his voice , it wasn't what jay expected to hear ― even if it was what he had hoped for . kinda obvious . ❛   what ?   ❜ genuine confusion embedded into his features . ❛   why ?   ❜ there he didn't wait for an answer , however ― couldn't GIVE SPACE FOR THE WAVE OF DOUBT to unfold between them anymore .

so he moved forward once more , CAREFULLY . every step a confession , & still he didn't speak : for everything he couldn't yet say was in his eyes . jay crossed the last bit of space slowly , like approaching something holy ― beer now forgotten upon the counter , fingers hovering buck's jaw for a second or too : an inch from his skin , asking without asking . allowing him the time to run or let it happen . & when he leaned in , it wasn't in a rush ― it wasn't frantic , NOT YET . it was intentional , a breath before a prayer as their lips met : a kiss like an answer , like a beginning instead of the end . jay's hand moved from his face to the back of his neck ― anchoring , threading into buck's hair , & pulling him in like he was AFRAID THE SPACE BETWEEN THEM might open back up : as kiss deepened in relief with the hints of urgency of time already lost .

nobody  had  ever  asked  him  that  before.  why  did  he  kiss  him  ?  why  did  he  do  half  of  what  he  did  ?  impulse.  emotion  briefly  hijacking  the  better  part  of  his  common  sense  to  infect  it  with  illogical  notions  until  it  became  the  only  thing  he  heard.  until  it  started  to  make  sense  to  him  in  a  way  he  couldn't  refute  &  by  that  time  fighting  it  was  a  moot  point.  he'd  give  in  every  time,  watch  the  train  wreck  of  his  decisions  from  outside  himself  with  no  intention  to  stop  it.  kissing  him  was  a  train  wreck  but  it  wasn't  impulsive.  moment  had  been  meticulously  calculated  &  thought  about  until  the  gulch  that  he'd  mentally  put  between  them  had  become  nothing  short  of  a  crack  in  the  pavement.  he  didn't  walk  blindly  into  knowing  what  it  felt  like  to  whisper  a  kiss  against  his  skin  ──   he  knew  what  he  was  doing  every  step  of  the  way.  translating  that  sense  of  certainty  into  an  answer  that  made  jay  feel  it  too  ...  ?  he  was  tripping  over  himself  trying  to  find  a  way  &  searching  desperately  for  something  else  to  focus  on.

grip  against  counter  tightened,  turning  knuckles  white  &  palms  red.  the  space  between  them  had  begun  to  quietly  diminish  &  he  wasn't  in  a  position  to  move,  quite  literally  stuck  between  a  rock  &  a  hard  place.  anything  larger  than  a  step  to  either  side  would  be  rightfully  clocked  as  an  attempt  to  put  more  distance  between  them   ──  that  conversation  would  be  worse  &  they'd  still  end  up  right  back  at  the  question  that  had  him  stalling.  why  did  he  kiss  him  ?   as  if  it  wasn't  obvious  to  everyone  with  a  set  of  eyes  &  the  ability  to  read  between  the  lines   (  he'd  reflect  on  the  irony  of  that  later  ).  silence  lingered  with  faith  that  he'd  soon  see  the  flash  of  understanding  turn  the  light  on  in  jay's  eyes,  but  the  longer  it  dragged  the  more  unnatural  it  felt.  there  was  no  light  coming,  but  there  was  someone  home  because  the  front  door  was  open  &  he'd  been  invited  in.

"  wh  ──  i  ...  "  off  to  a  great  start.  he'd  rehearsed  for  this  very  moment  but  now  that  he  was  on  stage  he'd  forgotten  his  lines  &  there  was  no  teleprompter  to  help  guide  him  along.  nerves  had  gotten  the  best  of  him,  manifesting  in  the  form  of  trembling  hands  despite  the  bone  breaking  grip  he  still  had  on  polished  granite.  this  was  new  for  him.  the  gravitational  pull  that  became  harder  to  resist  the  longer  they  were  near  another  ──  warmth  that  blossomed  in  his  chest  whenever  he  thought  about  him  (  length  of  time  need  not  matter  ).  the  sudden  reminder  that  he'd  never  done  this  before  did  him  no  favors.  he  was  almost  sorry  for  how  long  it  was  taking  to  answer  the  one  question  that'd  been  left  on  his  plate.

drawn  out  &  dramatic  exhale  dropped  from  his  lips  to  buy  a  few  more  seconds  for  his  thoughts  to  gather.  &  even  so  the  next  fragmented  piece  of  his  explanation  to  come  out  was  "  i  don't  ...  "  know  what  the  fuck  he  was  doing  ?  know  why  he  couldn't  repeat  a  phrase  he'd  uttered  a  thousand  times  before  in  a  thousand  scenarios  not  much  different  than  this  ?  because  it  didn't  matter  that  he'd  just  been  forcefully  reminded  of  the  why,  he  still  chose  to  simultaneously  forget  it  &  let  it  get  under  his  skin.  sharp  inhale  shredded  his  lungs  &  made  it  difficult  to  breathe,  words  coming  to  lodge  at  the  back  of  his  throat  until  he  choked  them  out  &  turned  them  from  thought  to  reality.  "  i  kissed  you  because  i  like  you,  jay.  i  thought  that  was  kinda  obvious.  "

[x51163]

*   (   re:  )      blood , blood , gallons of the stuff   . . .     incident log involving : @heirapperent as frank langdon . accepting .      ❛   sender stitches up receiver's wound .   ❜

harsh white lights of emergency department glared down at detective as he sat , shirtless , on the edge of examination table : blood still fresh on his side , soaking the gauze he'd some intern had slapped on BEFORE VANISHING INTO THE CHAOS . the gash burned ― yet not nearly enough as the frustration of being stuck at that hospital . jaw clenched when footsteps echoed outside the curtain , & sigh fell under his breath as frank langdon stepped into view : expression carved in the same cold professionalism jay remembered from their LAST ENCOUNTER .

no words for a beat , JUST FAINT RELUCTANCE ― & instinct to request another professional only choked out by his desire to get things over with as soon as possible : and leave that place in same hurry . ❛   not a word . just stitch me up .   ❜ voice flat , NOT BOTHERING with pleasantries .

[x51163]

Halstead brothers and hugs.

[x51163]

blood, blood, gallons of the stuff ! a collection of icky, bloody prompts for those who like to choose violence. actions are reversible. general warning for blood, violence, murder, death.

𝚂𝙿𝙾𝙺𝙴𝙽 :

" that's a lot of blood. "

" it isn't mine. "

" what did you do ? "

[ sigh ] " what did you do ? "

" come on. have a taste. "

" holy shit, are you okay ? "

" it looks worse than it feels. "

" you should see the other guy. "

" it's a good look on you. you should get covered in blood more often. "

" lean on me. "

" oh my god. oh my god, oh my god, what the fuck ? is that what i fucking think it is ? "

" . . . gross. "

[ standing over a body ] " oops. "

" is that a fucking body ? "

" look, i'm sorry, okay ? "

" what the hell happened ? "

" before you say anything, it wasn't me. "

" at least it wasn't me this time. "

" look at me. this is who i am, no matter how much you pretend it isn't. "

" look at me. this is who i am, no matter how much you wish it wasn't. "

" i'm not scared of you. "

" you don't scare me. "

" shut up and let me help you. "

" i got your shirt all bloody. "

" let's get you cleaned up. "

" that looks like it hurts. "

" i'm fine, just. . . give me a minute. "

" we are so fucked. "

" what the fuck is wrong with you ? "

" are you gonna help me clean it up or not ? "

" the fucker deserved it. "

" red looks good on you. "

" what the hell did you do ; tap - dance all over the body with ice - skates ? "

" what, did you run over the body with your car a couple times after ? "

" i. . . i didn't mean to. . . "

" sorry. fuck, i'm sorry. "

" this isn't what it looks like. "

" it was an accident. "

" motherfucker ran right into my knife, i swear. "

" people need to look both ways before crossing. . . bullets. "

" would you believe me if i said wrong place, wrong time ? "

" hey, look at me. i don't care. are you okay ? "

" they deserved it, right ? please tell me they deserved it. "

" you're bleeding. "

" what the fuck happened to you ? "

" you're getting blood on the carpet. "

" sit down before you fall down. "

" that looks like a you problem. "

𝚄𝙽𝚂𝙿𝙾𝙺𝙴𝙽 :

sender spits out a mouthful of blood at receiver's feet

sender spits out a mouthful of blood on receiver

receiver finds sender covered in blood

sender tries desperately to stop receiver's bleeding

sender helps receiver clean up after a kill

sender wipes blood from receiver's face with a washcloth

sender wipes blood from receiver's face with their thumb

sender licks receiver's blood off a knife

sender licks receiver's blood off their thumb

sender lights up a cigarette a foot away from someone they killed before offering one to receiver

receiver finds sender stood over a body

sender stitches up receiver's wound [ optional wound placement ]

sender digs their finger into receiver's wound [ optional wound placement ]

sender frantically checks receiver for injuries under all the blood

sender guides receiver's bloody hands under a faucet / water source and begins washing them clean

sender bites receiver hard enough to draw blood

sender tilts receiver's head back to staunch a nosebleed

sender draws a smiley face out of the blood they spilled :)

receiver finds sender cleaning up a kill in a daze

sender looks receiver in the eye as they shoot / stab / kill someone

sender ruffles receiver's hair, getting blood all over their hand

sender gets some of receiver's blood on them and makes a face

sender flicks blood at receiver to annoy them

sender stomps in a pool of blood to splash it on receiver

sender slips in their victim's blood but receiver steadies them before they can fall

sender steadies receiver when they slip in the blood sender spilled

receiver comes home to sender covered in blood and waiting for them with all the lights off

sender spits out a tooth and it hits receiver

sender tries to wipe blood off receiver but the blood on their hands just makes it worse

sender takes an injury meant for receiver

sender shows up on receiver's doorstep covered in blood

sender sits down quietly next to receiver after receiver kills someone

sender punches receiver in the mouth

receiver watches sender lick the blood off their fingers like its cheeto dust

sender helps receiver bury a body

sender hugs receiver just to get their victim's blood all over them <3

sender hugs receiver just to get their blood all over them <3

sender leans on receiver for support

sender kills someone to protect receiver

receiver finds sender in a frenzy maiming a body after they've already killed it

sender kills someone and the blood spatters on receiver

receiver finds sender desperately trying to wash the blood off of themself

sender kisses receiver to taste the blood on their busted lip

sender shoots / stabs receiver non - fatally as a warning

[x51163]

the last box hit the floor with a soft thump , more a relief than an announcement : and former detective stood there for a moment , sky - blues moving across APARTMENT STILL A HALF - FIXED MESS ― the kind that was carved in a move done more with heart than with planning . leaving chicago in favor of washington dc wasn't easy , police department becoming his past & fbi his future . the DEATH OF DETECTIVE painting the birth of an AGENT .

but he didn't care , for somewhere in the next room JAY COULD HEAR HER LAUGHING ― soft & distracted , probably at something that didn't really survive the trip . jj's voice carried through the unfamiliar space like music , turning blank walls & still bare shelves into something warmer : something worth the miles , worth the goodbye . worth the ache in his back and the strange feeling of leaving behind a version of jay halstead that didn't include her . SMILE FOLLOWED SIGH to fall from his lips , before he found the steps towards her ― lighter than he'd been in months . ❛   well , last box is down . it's officialy too late to tell me you don't want to live together .   ❜

@agentjareau as jennifer jareau liked for a starter .

[x51163]

the porch light was still on : & jay stood at the edge of the walkway , just beneath the soft halo of it . he hadn't called ahead ― knew he didn't need to . he'd be awake , for no one sleeps properly after something like that . MAYBE HE'D CLOSED HIS EYES for a while : maybe chris was tucked into bed clutching his father with a little more force than usual , but eddie wouldn't be asleep . so jay climbed the steps slowly , not because he was tired : though he was , bone - deep & beyond ― but because the moment felt heavy . sacred . this wasn't just another check - in . THIS WASN'T PROTOCOL . this was eddie and chris .

somewhere between SARCASM AND SHARED SILENCES , between the looks firefighter gave him when he was tired and unguarded , friendship had given space to something else entirely : enough for the detective to burn the world to make sure they were both safe . he knocked once , and then again . the door opened before he finished the second knock ― & blue eyes lingered upon darker ones , tired and red - rimmed , but alert . ❛   hey .   ❜ voice barely above a whisper , the word catching somewhere behind his ribs . ❛   i just ... WANTED TO MAKE SURE you were both okay .   ❜

@fires0ut as edmundo diaz liked for a starter .

[x51163]

discomfort and opinions were kept within as he weaved through the emergency department like a shark through a reef : direct , deliberate & entirely out of place . THE HOSPITAL BUZZED AROUND HIM ― nurses shouting vitals , phones ringing off counters , carts rattling down the enduringly sterile halls . yet focus was locked upon one person ahead : doctor frank langdon , senior resident constantly holding the posture that said he wouldn't have time for anything but facts & patients . jay DIDN'T CARE and followed anyway .

he moved at fast pace , TRYING NOT TO BRUSH UP AGAINST ANYTHING moving in similar speed ― gurneys , iv poles & family members whispering near vending machines alike . ❛   doctor langdon .   ❜ halstead called once close enough that his voice could cut through the noise . ❛   we need to talk . now .   ❜

@heirapperent as frank langdon liked for a starter .