witchysabrinablr-blog

[witchysabrinablr-blog]

Abandoned and hopeless

Hello, I don't even know where to start. I guess I should just start from the beginning.I am 21 years old and from Germany, I've always been a sensitive child that had problems connecting with others and suffering from anxiety and social anxiety since I was little, which made it a problem for me to go to kindergarten and school. I often cried and stayed at home, getting sick, suffering from stomach ache and nauseous which not even my doctor back then understood was out of fear. As I got older the problems got worse, I got in trouble because I often stayed away from school which nobody understood, not even my own mother, because I was good at school, best of my class and finished as one of the school best.

 After school I tried something similar to college here in Germany, which didn't work out and wasn't at all what I wanted but I thought going there would make others happy and not dissapoint them, I always had such a fear of dissapointing everyone. And then there was another school, my mother had to pay for it but then my health got in the way and everything got to much and I stopped going there. Ever since I was young I wanted to be an actress and I tried a few small things that weren't successfull but also not a failure about it either. Anyways, even in school I noticed small signs that would later get bigger and turned out to be OCD, at 18 it had fully developed and had control over my life. Rituals, that often involved my mother, made my days a nightmare and my mother would often blame me for behaving that way even though my therapist, I got one a few months after I got OCD, tried to tell her that I am not doing it on purposebut that it was an illness. My mother and my relatives still blamed me, saying now that I am 18 I am using OCD as an excuse to do what I want and that I looked up the symptoms online to pretend that I was sick. That didn't help, instead it made things worse that I even tried to take anti depressants to help with it, it helped a little but what helped the most was therapy.

2017 was the year I finally had hope again, I still had depression and OCD but I managed to get it mostly under control. Even though my mother pretends that didn't happen. I lost a lot of weight and felt and looked better, I had hope again and even got a job later that year, at a small bookshop that didn't pay much but the work was nice and not too many hours so it wouldn't be ovewhelming. I even tried acting at the local theater for a while and did like it. It wasn't perfect but that year I felt better than I hadn't in a long time. But then it all crashed down.

2018 came. The first months of the year were alright, I still did my job and worked on myself as best as I could. But then my beloved cat got sick, at first the vet told us it was harmless, just an injury but I got worried. I felt that something wasn't alright and in August I took him to a hospital that told me that it was possible he had a tumor, after my researches I had it in the back of my mind that this was a possibility but hearing it from a vet is something nobody likes to even imagine. I promised him that I would take care of him when my mother and I drove home with him that day, and I would have, no matter the cost I would have done everything for him. My beloved cat who I had for 16 years, who I got when I was just four years old and he was just a baby, he died the next day with my by his side and not able to safe him. He was always there for me, he allowed nobody else to get close to him the way I did and I felt like I died with him that day.Everything went wrong after that, I lost my job, my OCD got so much worse. My grandmother was in the hospital for a long time and my mother ignored my suffering for the most part, like she had always done it. She would watch me get bullied by my aunts for being not normal because I was such a quiet kid, she'd insult me for my OCD and always try to force me get into a mental hospital, no matter if my therapist tried to tell her that ambulant therapy was the better option because I needed my home as backup. I felt so alone the entire time and whoever of my relatives noticed that my cat wasn't around any longer would bully or make fun of me for griefing this long. My grandma tried to support me a little, she's 91 and starting to suffer from dementia, but it didn't help. I had agressive outburts and thought about killing myself every day after he died, my therapist later telling me that I suffered from PTSD, my mother and I did hurt each other with either of us having bruises, not in a dangerous way but still. And I was the one getting blamed for everything. The one kicked out for a few days to be forced to go to hospital. I needed support, support from my mother so I could grieve, support from her to tell the relatives to leave me be. I told myself I'd try to make it a year without killing myself but nothings had gotten better. In February 2018, not long after my birthday, of of my two bunnies died. Another loss in my life,

September 2019, my mother tried getting me a legal guard and making it seem like I am insane so I would get one, the person that had to question me about it came this September, telling me my mother had put my grandmother in a nursery home and she was going to move out and that I had to move out, too because our landlord wanted the apartment for himself. It turned out my mother had been looking for a new apartment for months, without telling me or my grandmother, and that she was abandoning her in the nursery home and me to find a new place within a few weeks. I just couldn't believe it, she left that day and only coming sometimes with relatives to get her things and throw away things from our home, including many of my things. My relatives bullied me every time they were there and even telling me to kill myself so it'd be easier for everyone. And I have thought about it, about ending this suffering. I haven't left the apartment, instead I got a lawyer and I am trying to fight the landlord. First of all, I don't believe he needs it for himself, instead wants to renovate it and then get more money for it, and I found some hints that he has a own house and uses that he wants to move in himself just as an excuse. Second, all my health and mental problems making it impossible for me to move out, I have been living her for 21 years and everyone just dismisses this, yes the man bought that house three years ago but I gew up here, I've spent my life here, my life with my beloved cat and my mom and grandma. Everyone acts like him buying the house erases that fact that because of him a 91 year old has to be in a nursery home and a 21 year old with mental problems would kill herself if she also loses her home. And he doesn't have a legal judgement yet that I have to move out, my lawyer wants to go the way that I can't move out because of my mental problems. Instead he tries everything to bully me out of it, changes the lock of the front door, so I can't leave there when it's locked and can't get back in once I am out, tries to enter the apartment door without permission, removes the name on the letter box so I don't receive anything, changes the lock of the basement door so I can't get to my laundry machine and can't get to the heater and look why it doesn't work, it's freezing cold by now in the apartment. The people living above are friends with the landlord and help him bully me at every option. 

Since September my mother basically ignores me, it feels like i am dead to her. I was only allowed to visit my grandma once and I am not allowed to even call her. I am being ghosted by my own mother and it really feels like I am not going to survive the end of this year. What makes it even harder is that I love my mom, still. And I love my grandma. No matter what happened. And the people telling me I should move forward... I am 21, but I am also only 21. I am not ready to build a live for myself and I still need my family. As my therapist told me, she's proud of me how I managed to survive the past months but I shouldn't have to get through this alone, I shouldn't be abandoned by my family. I don't really have anyone else because being ill the past years isolated me to go out like a normal person my age would.

 It's Christmas soon, and I can't even bear the thought of not spending it with my mom and grandma in our warm, decorated home and instead sitting here alone in our cold apartment and wanting to die.I know it's a lot to read and messy but thanks to everyone who tries to read it and maybe has advice or just kind words.

Summary: Abandoned 21 year old with OCD, anxiety, PTSD and depression fighting for her home and wanting her family back, after too many losses because she got nothing left on this earth.

[witchysabrinablr-blog]

Need advice on first spell

I have not done a spell before and I want/need to do the one I put below as my first. 

Does anyone have advice? Which items are adviced to cleanse/charge and how do I do it? And it’s written to either do it on a Friday during waxing moon or on a Monday when the family is living together, when should I do it if I want the result to be for the family to live together again because they are seperated now?

Spell to reunite Friendships and Family

You will need:

1 White Taper Candle, charged to represent pure, new beginnings

1 Pink Chime Candle, charged for love 

Wooden Toothpick, charged to ground the energies of those involved

Parchment Paper

Lighter

Instructions:

Create your sacred space in your usual way. Cleanse/charge your items.

Break the wax white candle into sections, depending on the number of people involved, keeping the wick in tact. The number of times you break the candle wax represents all of the people involved in this rift. Keeping the wick in tact represents the everlasting connection of the people involved. (If there are only two people, including yourself, break the candle in half to create two sides. If there are 5 people involved, break the wax into 5 sections.)

Using the wooden toothpick, carve the one person’s name into one section of the candle. As you do, visualize the energy of Earth grounding any remaining harmful energies of that person, so that they are able to reunite in their most pure state. Do this for each person/section of the candle.

Lay the broken white taper candle on the parchment paper. Say, “We have all been through the weather, Now, I bring us back together.”

Light the pink candle and drip the pink wax into the cracks of the white candle. As the pink wax fills and repairs the cracks, visualizes pink, loving energy repairing the rift in your friendship or family. (You can do this by visualizing the people involved as connected by the wick, and that wick begins to turn pink and strengthen. You can also imagine that pink, love energy is connecting everyone together.)

When each piece has been repaired and the wax hardens, visualize the candle surrounded in pink, loving light. Visualize the same about your friends or family. Chant the words, “All is healed. All is well. We are reunited, as my words tell.”

When you feel empowered and full of energy, light the candle. “An’ it harm none, so mote it be.”/”Amen.”

Has anyone tried this spell before? How were the results?

[witchysabrinablr-blog]

New beginner witch

Hi,

I am Sabrina and I am 21 years old. My life is currently hell and I have recently discovered witchcraft, thinking it maybe could help me. 

I need advice on spells and just witchcraft in general, I am in need for some spells to get back what I currently have lost. 

So if there is a more practiced witch that might want to take me under her wing I would really appreciate it. Just send me a PM or comment on this post. It is quite urgent. 

S.