winkyfaceanon

[winkyfaceanon]

pride flag stamps!

[feel free to use, no credit needed :3 please reblog if you use tho!]

{edit: added leather pride and puppy play flag stamps}

{edit... 2!: added intersex flag}

{edit the 3rd: added demisexual and demiromantic flags and queer flag}

{edit 4ever after: added gender fluid flag, two bi-gender flags, the alternative polyam flag and demi-boy and demi-girl flags}

[winkyfaceanon]

It’s the leaf fall down times,,

[winkyfaceanon]

sea fairy cookie, rippling moonlight » moonshaped icons reblog and credit to use && filter by normalsolutions

[winkyfaceanon]

Thinking about vampire AU again............

[winkyfaceanon]

He's very beautiful

[winkyfaceanon]

The phone is FINALLY working lkg guys

[winkyfaceanon]

Reminder to people that screen-readers (or atleast most) can't read fonts

[winkyfaceanon]

Drew yo guy...if you don't mind . :)

(I started doodling him- and then yk..)

WAUUUAUUAUGGHH WINKYYYYYYY EATS THIS WITH MY TEETH I LOMVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUU

[winkyfaceanon]

Over and over

[winkyfaceanon]

♱ sunkist hlvrai stimboard

requested by : anon !

x x x . x x x . x x x

hope you like it !

[winkyfaceanon]

I kinda find it weird people don't describe what it physically feels like to have depression. Me personally I don't notice the mental effect of it as often (most likely because it's more normal for me, maybe because I'm on meds), I more notice and remember the physical effect of feeling... heavy. Like, you know how a big depression thing is not being able to get out of bed? For me, that's why. I just physically cannot get up. My body feels heavy. I usually describe it like feeling like a weighted blanket in a bad way- heavy, hard to move, stuff like that. Even if I really wanna move, I just... can't. It's hard to explain.

So uhh. If you're writing depression, try to not JUST get the "lack of will to live" thing, try to get the "feeling like you are weighed down by a thousand sandbags and can't move" thing.

[winkyfaceanon]

WWWHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THEM?????!!!???..........

so you know how benrey. like mentions his friends, (like not the science team, but like josh. yk.) (and the ig (throwaway??) line about like, that one guard who was josh and died, (somehow, i dont remember how) ) so what if he got. he really sad about this. what if. :3

Winky are you looking into my wips because I have a singular line abt this

[winkyfaceanon]

they're dumb i love them

(@can-i-see-your-passport-please's vampire AU)

[winkyfaceanon]

Just finished a frenrey vamp au fic wahoo pats ourself on the back

[winkyfaceanon]

What if I made a Benrey timeline thing and was sobbing the whole time

[ID: Five colored drawings of Benrey over the years. Each drawing is next to a bunch of bullet points listing off headcanons for that period of time.

This design of Benrey has pale skin, upside-down hearts on his cheeks, long black nails, pointy elf ears, a small scar on his upper lip, and long, fluffy black-blue hair with a heart ahoge. His eyes change color based on his stress level - they're blue if he's okay or happy, but turn yellow if he's stressed or not feeling good.

The first drawing is Benrey when he's a test subject for Black Mesa. He looks like he's somewhere around three to five years old. He's wearing an oversized hospital gown - the sleeves are too big and don't show his hands. He isn't wearing any shoes. You can see a few of his scars, which look fresh. His pointy ears are drooped. The shadow under his eyes is completely black. He's glancing around nervously, pupils slitted, eyes yellow. He looks scared.

The bullet points beside him read:

Pictured: actual size

Found on Xen when he was like two or three in human years and brought to Black Mesa

Was experimented on to figure out his healing abilities, but they couldn't be replicated in humans

Experiments continued for Definitely Scientifically Justified Reasons Not At All Just The Scientists Torturing Him To Get All Their Anger Out

"I made breakthroughs in science!" "You fucked up a perfectly good child is what you did. Look at him, he's got trauma."

Got the mindset that he's inherently evil hammered into his brain

Left ONCE when he was five and met seven year old Gordon, but was captured again pretty quickly

Managed to escape with the help of Tommy when he was about 21-22

This period of his life lasts about 20 years

The second drawing is Benrey when he's a security guard, somewhere in his early 20s. He's wearing the security guard outfit - helmet, vest, blue button-up shirt, tie, boots, gun holster - and his hair is floofing out of the helmet. He's wearing fingerless gloves as well. He's leaning backwards a bit, hands balled into fists, arms by his side, a bit tense, eyes blue but tinged with yellow at the edges.

The bullet points beside him read:

wadda hell... gay lil security guard

Benrey came back to Black Mesa a few months after escaping, working as a security guard because he liked them and they were nice to him (they weren't as bad as the scientists)

Honestly I don't have a lot to say here about specifically him being a guard

It was after getting out of experiments that he discovered and absolutely fell in love with video games. He has them all. He has played every video game in the ever.

He loves just standing around being strange and offputting

He has pierced ears! You cannot see them but

Left Black Mesa when he was 25 due to The Incident (the rescas lol)

This period of his life lasts about 3-4 years

The third drawing is Benrey post-Xen. He's a complete wreck. He's still in the security guard outfit, minus the vest, tie, and helmet, but it's torn up and stained with his purple blood. The sketch layer (which is half transparent) is on top of the color layer, conveying a sense of messiness. His hair is a mess, he's lost a lot of weight, his eyes are yellow, pupils dilated from numbness, the shadow under his eyes completely black. He looks foggy, distant, tired, just really fucked up.

The bullet points beside him read:

...You sacrifice yourself to save your best friends because you think you're an inherently evil monster and just be mentally fine afterwards.

So yeah, after Xen Benrey's... really not doing good. Drowning in guilt over everything, having all his worst thoughts about himself basically confirmed, and just mentally fucked in every way, Benrey just spirals really bad after respawning.

Where exactly he is after respawning varies depending on the fic. However he definitely falls into a really bad depression spiral after he gets out of Black Mesa and kinda isolates himself.

He is still wearing the guard uniform minus the vest and there is symbolism

This period of his life lasts for a number of months before the Science Team (probably Gordon) finds him. unless he respawns closer to the team in which case it lasts like a month or two at most

The fourth drawing is Benrey some time later. His hair is less messy, he's gained some weight, the shadow under his eyes is somewhat lighter, and his eyes are blue now. He's wearing brown pants, a black hoodie, a dark blue button-up, and a blue thigh strap. He looks like significantly less of a wreck than before.

The bullet points beside him read:

Get dragged out of your depression IDIOT

So the Science Team find him and start making him get better by force lol

He wears button ups under hoodies for a while due to nostalgia from Black Mesa

He STARTS unlearning the mindset of "I'm inherently evil," and starts learning to Not see people as inherently good because he likes them, but. He isn't there yet and won't be for a long long while. It's a slow process

He ALSO starts learning that Black Mesa torturing him was Bad Actually and it traumatized him a bit <\3

Xen drained a LOT of his energy and powers. He's probably never gonna be at 100% in terms of powers ever again, but that's ok

The fifth and last drawing is Benrey, a year or so post-Rescas. He's doing a lot better, and you can tell. He's wearing a blue chullo with an orange puffball on top and pink strings. His hair's poking out of the chullo. He has a dark blue hoodie with a rainbow PlayStation logo, pale blueish sweatpants, a pink thigh strap, and extremely colorful, messy, bright socks. He's gained a lot more weight, his eyes are blue and pupils dilated, the shadow under his eyes significantly lessened. He looks relaxed, and there's a smile on his face, his nostrils slightly flared (which they do that when he smiles). He looks genuinely happy.

The bullet points beside him read:

Live footage of me sobbing while drawing this because he looks so content and happy

This is about a year and a half or so after the Rescas? Maybe two years?

Actually in therapy (and maybe he starts taking antidepressants? idk)

He's doing a LOT better here than he was at any point before. Like even when he was a guard, if the scientists found out it was him they'd put him back into tests so there was that stress, plus he hadn't unlearned his toxic mindsets yet

His mental state still isn't perfect, he's still not There, the bad days are still bad, but holy shit he's doing so much better

probably dating gordon around here because fuck you lol

He always wear the most eyebleedingly colorful socks

I'm sorry this drawing makes me very happy and I'm crying again what the hell he gets to be happy!!!

Either he starts a justin.TV or he works at just Some Job and annoys people. If he ever comes face to face with a Karen they're so fucked he's so annoying eats him

Maybe even both, by day he annoys assholes into leaving, and by night he plays viddy games

End ID.]

Close ups under the cut

Not transcribing these because the transcript above already describes the contents, but I did add alt text

[winkyfaceanon]

some sketches of some guys, mostly me messing around with character design for gordon. Also freemind bc he's sillay!!!