wilsonthecrimepossum

[wilsonthecrimepossum]

Bastard cops make up any excuse to stop and search. "You match the description" "I smell cannabis" "you're scampering around near the scene of the fire with 2 gallons of petrol and a flamethrower" blah blah blah.

[wilsonthecrimepossum]

Are you concerned about online privacy? Worried that scammers and hackers you don't know can acsess your data traffic?

Fear not! With the state of the art Crime Possum VPN data harvesting tool from WilsonTech you can know exactly which scammers and hackers have your data. Us. Because we use it to track you!

WilsonCorp. The Big Brother you pay.

[wilsonthecrimepossum]

In life, only some things are white onions. At the self checkout, everything is white onions.

[wilsonthecrimepossum]

Welcome to WilsonCorp, and remember when it comes to tax evasion, if you see something say nothing.

[wilsonthecrimepossum]

I have the soul of a possum, the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

[wilsonthecrimepossum]

Geneva Convention? More like Geneva Suggestion amirite guys?

[wilsonthecrimepossum]

I didn't "go missing", the CIA knew where I was the entire time.

[wilsonthecrimepossum]

Your honor we all know that if the glove doesn't fit you must acquit. And as you can see from exhibits 1-9, I left so few fingers behind no glove is fitting that corpse anytime soon.

[wilsonthecrimepossum]

Todays fun WilsonFact of the day: possums are Americas only native marsupial.

Tomorrow's fun WilsonFact of the day: I'm Americans only native Marsupial on 7 FBI watch lists.

[wilsonthecrimepossum]

To do list:

Screamin'

Schemin'

Crawling on your ceiling

[wilsonthecrimepossum]

I came here to eat trash and do crime and nobody I've met has been a fan of it.

[wilsonthecrimepossum]

I bring a sort of "I'll bite your ankles" vibe to the water park that slide queuers just don't like.

[wilsonthecrimepossum]

After eating my fair share, I can confirm that every bite of the birthday cake was delicious, thanks for inviting me.

[wilsonthecrimepossum]

Is setting fires illegal? Because the people who used to live in the house did not have a sense of humour about the situation.

[wilsonthecrimepossum]

Is eating popcorn a crime? Because I was just treated very rudely by the paramedics at the scene of the incident.

[wilsonthecrimepossum]

People assume I overhear everything because I live in their walls. They'd be right.

[wilsonthecrimepossum]

Bitches say "make yourself at home" then be mad when I chew their drywall.