weird-tea

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At a stereotypical hero introduction (imagine them like power rangers or anime girls stance idfk)

damian: Im robin

tim: i’m red robin

dick: im the original robin

jason: i. Im dead robin? everyone else just staring at him distraught falling to their knees saying Nooo jason u need to stop doing thattt

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Dick: Why am I not a banana? Tim : Because your genetic code dictates that you are human. however, it should please you to know that you share 50-60% of your dna with a banana Dick: Wow, really? thanks Jason:... Are you telling me that some people are 10% more banana than other people?

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Red Robin!Tim: Can’t stop shaking.

Red Hood!Jason: Probably Parkinson’s.

Tim: Not helping.

Jason: Wasn’t trying to.

[Freeze frame]

Narrator: The shaking was in fact caused by the 15 red bulls Tim had decided to consume before patrol. He promptly proceeded to declare he “had a meeting with the lord” before steeling Red Hoods motorbike and high tailing it outa there. He was found on a random farm in North Carolina the next day with no recollection of what happened.

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based on this textpost by @orangeyjuicy !!

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Crack au about Jason being back from the dead + Tim being adopted before

Jason, back from the dead: don’t be alarmed I am not a ghost

Tim, on an hour of sleep: that is exactly what a ghost would say

Jason, raising on eye brow: okay fair but would a ghost do this *punches Tim in the shoulder hard*

Tim, holding his shoulder, in anger: YOURS WOULD!

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Tim, at Dick and Kory’s apartment: hi, is Nightwing home?

Kory: Nightwing left the Titans, he’s not here.

Tim: okay, bye *walks away*

Kory: wait-HOW DO YOU KNOW WHERE I LIVE?

Dick, several weeks later: this is Robin!

Kory: hmmm

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Kid!Tim, showing Robin his room: So we have my photography cubby, not to be confused by my homework cubby. Then my desk, bed, conspiracy wall, wardrobe, other desk for my conspiracy wall-

Robin!Jason, nodding along with a fake smile. Pointing towards a side desk with candles and several framed photos of Batman: And what’s that over there.

Tim: oh that’s just my Batman shrine.

Jason: Ah.

Tim: Anyway! This is the kennel for all four of my stuffed dogs, my bookshelf for my conspiracy wall-

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i would cannibalize god's rotting corpse. if the opportunity arose

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I was thinking about the movie adaptation of Interview with the Vampire and was about to make a “Here’s my review: not gay enough” meme about it, and I’m having a fucking stroke because I guess I’d never seen an unedited version of the meme but it turns out its origin was actually Interview with the Vampire

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Bruce: Dick, what’s this I’m hearing about you trying to send Tim to Arkham?

Dick: For the last time, I NEVER said that!

Tim: As good as!

Bruce: *disappointed dad voice* Really chum, I can’t believe you would tell your brother such a thing.

Dick: I didn’t! I just suggested therapy!

Tim: *scoffs* Yeah, in METROPOLIS.

Bruce: *Gasps*

Jason: *Gasps*

Damian: *Betrayed*

Alfred: *Too proper to gasp so loudly, but almost fumbles his antique feather duster*

Dick: Oh come on, it’s not that bad! It’s close, it’s relatively safe, and their PHDs are less likely to go rogue.

Jason: *Cover’s Damian’s ears as he backs them both out of the room, still loudly gasping in offense like the theater kid he is at heart*

Bruce: I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.