warm-cat-smells

[warm-cat-smells]

Would I do myself the kindness of dying in my sleep?

Would I confront the problem at the source or kiss my sweet forehead and tell me it's going to be ok?

[warm-cat-smells]

(thing I wrote a hot minute ago and just now decided I should post)

I call out into the clean white glow

In words beyond me

How I wish to be something more than human

Cursed with carnal sin before I knew the word

How can I mean anything

If im only recognizable by face

I want to be in the trees

In the water

I want to see myself in their faces

And their faces in mine

Make myself in their image

I want to connect

Because the holiest I've found is in the bends and nooks our wrinkled palms make when they hold themselves together

Bound

I've found salvation in women's smiles and grace in men's comradery

But my truth is beyond body

And I'll never feel pure in a body that limits me because the universe is an ever revolution of infinite chaos

How can chaos make choice

But why has it chosen me

And why are my choices not enough

Why not me

I want to play god

I want to win

I want to be greedy and mean and vile

I want to not have to beg on my hands and knees for a taste of purity

So why was I made with such ill intentions

Why can't I be devoid of sin

Why did you give me free will when all I get is tests and reminders on how Im not perfect

I'm sick of false freedoms

Sterile glow shines back down

I look for the answer, maybe I'll finally know everything, maybe my prayers will be heard

And the glow shines back

And in a voice much like my own

In a warmth much like my mother's

In an excitement much like my childhood friend's

In a pride much like my father's

In a inspiration much like my role model's

The glow calls down

"I love you, I love to love you, love me and in so love yourself"

[warm-cat-smells]

Sometimes I forget you love me, I'm too used to my crappy exes and their use of love against me. I get scared that maybe I'm not doing enough or that I'm doing too much. I fall back into thinking your love is a test, that it's somehow conditional, that I have to be something unachievable to deserve it. I'm always wrong though. You assure me with your smile, that scrunch of your nose and the squint of your eyes. We work well together and I know you love me just as I am. We laugh together and I end up thinking, "why did I ever doubt you, you love me, and I love you, it's safe here."

[warm-cat-smells]

Me dancing with my partner because they're literally the light of my life

[warm-cat-smells]

adding intense songs to my intense playlist for my intense writing. feeling. absolutely fine

[warm-cat-smells]

[warm-cat-smells]

Everything about us is temporary but it's ok, I love you forever and ever. You're going back to school in the fall but I'll be taking every step with you until then.

[warm-cat-smells]

When we dance She has two left feet

And 2 mouths that smile whenever we meet

She has two hearts, together in pace

But when we're close the faster they beat

4 eyes and 4 ears and two throats to help her speak

And 4 pinkys that hold promises we keep

You might think she's just like any other

You might think she's doing too much

You may fear her or put her to the test

But I really do love her looks the best

And while you may not tell by how in sync we walk

So different, so separate, but together are we

double everything she has

And she has all these things because she'll always have me

[warm-cat-smells]

We went to the art museum together and after some walking around came upon a chalk pastel. The whole room was filled with other chalk pastels, all of them were so gorgeous and detailed it was shocking someone could put that much into something made of chalk. The one we walked up to was of two young girls, side by side, standing in the sun in front of a bush. You looked at me and said, "it reminds me of 'we were girls together'" and I agreed. The girls haircuts and clothes were very dated and it's likely that they are both very old by now. The two of us stood there together, two girls (ish) standing and staring at a masterpiece of two girls standing together from years ago.

Things have changed, the two girls are old now, me and my partner aren't really girls in the classical sense, but the time and detail we have put into each other is still just as vibrant, and the togetherness that has painted who we are has stayed permanent. I love you with all the details, even though we are only made of chalk.