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“The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive.”

— John Green, Looking for Alaska (via wordsnquotes)

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Why the fuck would you go big when u can go home

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character development: flaws edition [source]

kim eun jae

absent-minded / abusive / addicted / aimless / alcoholic / aloof / anxious / arrogant / audacious / has bad habits / bigmouthed / bigoted / blunt / bold / callous / childish / cruel / cursed / dependent / dishonest / disloyal / disturbed / dubious / egotistical / envious / erratic / fanatical / fickle / fierce / finicky / flirty / gluttonous / gruff / gullible / hedonistic / humourless / hypocritical / idiotic / ignorant / illiterate / immature / impatient / impious / impish / incompetent / indecisive / indifferent / infamous / intolerant / judgemental / lazy / lewd / liar / lustful / masochistic / meddlesome / meek / megalomanic / naïve / nosey / obsessive / oppressive / overambitious / overemotional / overprotective / overzealous / paranoid / peevish / perfectionist / pessimistic / phobic / rebellious / reckless / remorseless / rigorous / sadistic / sarcastic / sceptic / seducer / selfish / self-martyr / self-righteous / senile / shallow / smart ass / solemn / spineless / spiteful / spoiled / squeamish / stubborn / superstitious / tactless / temperamental / theatrical / timid / tongue-tied / unlucky / unpredictable / untrustworthy / vain / weak-willed / withdrawn

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open starter location: uh a local grocery store

Grocery trips were one of the most frustrating parts of Nova's week. Being in public spaces with too many people, bright lights and a general stressful atmosphere (screaming children, people rushing to get home, couples arguing over what brand of cereal to get) was their personal idea of Hell. Especially ever since their 'abilities' had started to manifest, any place with a wide variety of emotions was mentally and physically draining.

With a sigh of exhaustion and an urgency to get out as fast as possible, Nova placed her groceries down at the self-checkout counter. It wasn't until she started digging through her bag that she realized she had stupidly forgotten her wallet at home. "Are you freaking serious?" She mumbled to herself, heartrate picking up at just the thought of asking for assistance in their embarrassing situation. Their cheeks were hot as they turned to the person waiting in queue behind them. "Sorry, I- Do you maybe- Would they hold on to this stuff while I quickly run home, you think?"

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open starter location: firefly arcade

The noise of the arcade games around him, paired with the steady sound of music playing through ceiling speakers, was disorienting in the most familiar way. It almost felt like the club, except the music wasn't loud enough to vibrate through his body the way it did when he was working. He'd been eyeing the different machines for a while, attempting to make up his mind on which one to try first. Unfortunately, Eun Jae was the type of person who couldn't stand being bad at something, so he felt the need to pick very, very carefully.

Biting his lip in slight frustration, he turned to the person closest to him, eyes wide and pleading. "Which one of these is the easiest to learn, you think? Or, like, is there a game you could teach me, maybe? They all look kinda hard..."

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Despite how exhausting work could be, his days off were his least favorite. Eun Jae had a burning need to be around other people - being a dancer at The Poison Apple made sure he was never deprived of social interaction. Sadly, having a nighttime job also meant that his sleeping schedule was all turned around and it was nights like these where he was unable to just go home and sleep. So he found places to be. Places with people. A perk of having lived in a place for nearly twenty years meant that he at least knew where to find people.

The Rising Sun wasn't a place he frequented - the pink haired male wasn't much of a drinker, though he made exceptions every now and then. Despite being a social butterfly and a true extrovert, even the most talkative people sometimes needed some liquid courage. So that was what he was looking for when he stepped inside, hating how heavy and frail his body felt, all at once.

"Kinda," He responded in honest to the question about his week, a hand coming up to gently rub his eye, in order not to smudge the light makeup that had been applied to hide the greyness of his skin and the dark circles under his eyes. "I dunno about something strong, I'm not very good with alcohol." Jae then sheepishly admitted, figuring it was safe enough to confide this information to a bartender. "Maybe something sweet, but... low calorie? I gotta watch my figure. Dancer thing." His lips pulled up into a soft smile. "Do people not wanna come here anymore? I thought it's usually kinda busy."

location: the rising sun time: 10:46pm open 2: ne1 >:)

glasses clink, liquid is poured, the sound of idle chatter is pleasing to the ears. not hardly so loud or crowded as it would be any other night. for once it's slow and he doesn't mind that. hands move, fingers hold two glasses at the same time, dipping in a syrup and soon slipping in some ice. eyes notice someone upcoming, humming to himself. " welcome in. i'll be right with you. " vicente's smile is dazzling, then sliding the glass to a now pleased customer. " enjoy. " the body is turned back the newcomer, wiping his hands, and placing them upon the countertop.

" hey! what can i get for you this evening? " his head tilts, breathing out a small chuckle as if it was a been there, done that. immediately he starts to grab a glass, having a couple of ideas on what the drink might possibly be. eyes takes a quick glance of the brief name flash and mentally waves it away. " long week? looks like you need something strong. "

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🖇 peach jimin. ♡

like or reblog if you save / use !

please, don’t repost & don’t edit.

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He felt his cheeks grow warmer at the pet name, combined with the embarrassment that came with the realization that the other was most likely correct. Had he been too eager to take things the wrong way? Was he that attention deprived that he had easily believed that this stranger had been trying to flirt with him? "O-Oh..." Eunjae managed, his smile momentarily faltering as he desperately sought for a more realistic explanation for the chance encounter. It could become difficult to tell the difference between suppressed fantasy and reality.

"I'm having a good time," He then chimed, the smile back on his face as if it never left, despite his insecurities poisoning his thoughts. "I've been dancing all night and I forget to sit down and hydrate." His shoulders came up in a small shrug, as to dismiss his inability to look after himself. His breath briefly caught in his throat at the shift in the other's eyes, but he was quick to shake it off as a trick of the many lights. Or perhaps he was exhausted enough to start imagining things.

Though Jae was unsure of why the stranger had chosen him of all people to strike a conversation with, he couldn't help but feel flattered. Anyone who made him feel special easily had all of his attention and devotion. A dangerous flaw in his person that he couldn't rid himself of, no matter how many times he got burnt. "I get dizzy sometimes," He then blurted out without meaning to, his eyes briefly widening at his own admission. "Um, 'cause I forget to take breaks, I mean. Do you dance? I don't think I've seen you on the floor. Sir." He blinked slowly, wondering if his attempt at politeness could perhaps be misunderstood for rudeness. "Sorry, you seem really nice." He babbled on, hoping to save himself.

"darling, last i checked water still counts as a drink. i'm not trying to butter you up, i promise." well. that depends on if this little creature has anything to offer him. nights like these were more of a hunt, a gleaning of the wheat from the chaff as they throw their heads back in their startling moments of ecstasy. at the moment, lucien cannot exactly say if he has anything or not. a rift — or perhaps one of those meaningless little things that call themselves humans. someone untouched, unfocused, uninteresting.

the truest form of a curse: to be utterly uninteresting that no one wants anything to do with you.

he couldn't begin to fathom the boredom of that life. he barely remembers how it feels to not have the rage of a current bursting beneath his skin, the slickstinkingsordid mess of chaos in his bones. human flesh is so, so limiting. that is why he did away with it when he could. it's much better for them to be snuffed out, much better for them to be put to better uses with their souls drained and their lives put to something ... better. a purpose! yes! a purpose. and the best purpose that he can think of is to let them rot in the bottom of the river as their bones become silt against the smooth armor of scales. ah, listen to him. he's letting his fantasies take him away.

that said, there is one other purpose they serve. & lucien just can't help his curiosity.

only just catches the last words, lucien nods. "whether or not you're having a good time is up to you. i'm merely a spectator. probably better you're taking a break. tired, is there something on your mind?" what a question in a place like this. as the neon lights flash, there's a strangeness in the dark of his eye. the pupil almost seems to narrow the wrong way — into slits, like the eyes of a snake. it's only a flash, only a second. ( did god truly not say to eat of the fruit of the garden? darling, please. use your senses. use your mind. look at the fruit and know that it is good. ) "probably not the best place to be asking such things but you'll find that i'm a rather sympathetic ear."

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They'd been wandering again - a common phenomenon by now. Nova never had a specific goal in mind. The presence inside their body guided them and they had never tried to fight it, to be perfectly honest. She had an odd trust in the lights that brought her comfort more often than any human being had ever been able to. Relying on people had always resulted in heartache and while it felt foolish to trust in something so other and unknown, it somehow felt right.

"Both could be true," They quietly mused in response, lifting their head to look up at the night sky. "It's almost like Schrödinger's stars. They're dead and alive at the same time. Because we live so far in the past, it's still alive in our timeline, while in theirs, they're long gone." They wondered if people could be the same. If they could appear alive, while to themselves, they were already dead. Perhaps she'd read too much poetry.

"I was named after the stars. Sort of. A Nova is a star that suddenly shines brighter and then slowly fades back to its original state. It could be happening to the stars we see as well. They just shone bright enough for us to see them and they still exist out there, just back to their duller self." She chuckled softly and awkwardly ran a hand through her hair. "I don't know if that made any sense, actually. Maybe the thought of us looking up at the remains of stars just feels depressing."

time : around 11 pm location : out & about status : open

       it was far too late for them to be out, especially with needing to be at the shop early tomorrow. but they hadn’t been able to stay cooped up in their house any longer. cress needed to be outside, had always liked going for a run in the short period of dusk before night fell on the city. she'd stopped running as much in the past few months. but it had been a long day and she instead found herself with hands stuffed into the pockets of her hoodie and sitting on a bench in the dark. her gaze was riveted on the stars above, though unfortunately dimmed by the lights of the city they resided in.

“you know, my mom told me when i was a kid that by the time we’re seeing the stars, they’re all dead,” she stated rather simply as she heard footsteps nearing her. as a child, cress had always loved the night sky, had made up her own constellations and everything rather than learning any of the real ones. "that's not quite true though; it's more like we're seeing backwards in time instead." although she'd believed anything her mother had said when she was young, she'd learned in her teen years that her mother was infinitely flawed and nonsensical.

“i’m sure there's some kind of lesson there somewhere that i never bothered to learn," cress added with a small laugh.

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◟✧⡀ ( maya hawke. nonbinary. she/they. ) … there’s a figure off in the distance, do you see it? wait is that … NOVA TURNER ? how long have they been standing there? if that’s really them, i believe they’re 25.  do i know them?  no,  but i hear they’re SELFLESS and INTELLIGENT, but also AWKWARD  and CLUMSY. i do know that they’ve been in the City for FOUR YEARS. it’s crazy that they’re just standing there … shouldn’t they be working at MAGNUS RECORDS as a FINAL READER? maybe they’re off today, i couldn’t tell you. hope they get moving soon. i’m starting to feel like WILL-O’-WISP is peering over at me … Rift Level: Borderliner Available powers:  Invisibility, Emotion Detection How long ago did the Mythos Manifest: 3 years ago Main Goal/Desire/Drive: Understanding their rift and finding a way to use their powers to help others with theirs Gang / Group name + position, if applicable: The Rose / The Rosebud

Born and raised in Seattle, Washington, Nova had quite the average childhood. And yet their experience was different. From a young age, she was an outsider - there was something different about her. She didn't fully belong, couldn't keep up with her peers. It wasn't a lack of intelligence, but her priorities always lay elsewhere. While other kids occupied themselves with games, friends and the internet, Nova could usually be found in the same spot she had been all day; her focus and face buried in a book she may or may not have already read multiple times. Despite not having a big reason for it, Nova always preferred to live in fiction over reality.

When she was eight years old, her parents had another child. There are times where Nova wonders if it was simply because they felt like they were missing out on the true experience, due to her detachment from the people around her. Maybe they thought that having a sibling would pull her out of her shell. The latter proved to be true, even if it was purely because Nova felt an instinctual responsibility to be present in her little brother's life. Where she often lacked in energy, her brother more than made up for it. Theo was a force to be reckoned with - always up to no good and leaving every room he entered in a state of chaos.

It didn't take long for her parents to get exhausted and most likely regret their decision. Nova could sense it in the air, saw it in the way they reacted. And yet, she couldn't turn her back the way they tried to do. Suddenly, she found herself to be the primary caregiver of her brother, despite never having felt any real desire to connect with other people or even live in reality for longer than needed. It was upsetting to see her beloved books collecting dust, while their parents took up hobbies of their own. They would tell Nova she was all grown up, that she was so mature and responsible for her age. How much they trusted her. And maybe that was where they were wrong.

It only took one night. A few minutes. A moment of inattentiveness. There was noise, screams, so much blood. Theo had somehow managed to get a hold of a kitchen knife to run around with, yelling something about being a pirate. Nova called 911, watched in horror as her little brother got taken away by paramedics. She'd done everything she'd known to do in her moment of pure panic. He survived.

But her parents were livid. Despite the fact they hadn't even been home at the time of the incident, they were quick to blame it all on Nova. Not knowing how to deal with these sudden shifts, the hostility, she did the only thing she knew best. She ran. Disappeared. It didn't matter where she ended up, as long as it was far away from the shadows of her mistake, of the suffocating aura of the place she once called her home. Away from the kitchen that had become a reminder of her incompetence.

There was a inexplicable pull that brought them to The City. There was no real reason for them to find Penson. In moments of delirium, they might call it destiny.

The lights were distant and dim at first. Nova paid them very little mind, too occupied with adjusting to all the changes that came with living alone, battling the demons of their regrets. But they got closer, sometimes they whispered. They were comforting in a terrifying way. They felt as lost as she did. Intoxicating, kindred. She had never been someone who feared the supernatural. Ghost stories were her favorite kind of romance novels. Suffering and revenge made sense while petty conflict did not. Maybe her love for theatre and books made her view of the world far too romanticized, but she couldn't help but prefer it over the mundane version that other people saw.

The lapses in her memory didn't faze her at first. Nova was no stranger to dissociation. But as they got more frequent and came paired with a higher sense of the emotions that lingered inside a room, it became clear that something had attached itself to her. The last time she had seen the lights, they had been right in front of her. Then the fading happened. Times they looked in the mirror and were missing a reflection, often linked to their mood.

They were still Nova, but there was something else there, something that felt strange but familiar at the same time.

I am ending it here before I write another 6000 words bye

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If someone had told Eunjae a few years ago that he would be where he'd found himself right now, he might have awkwardly laughed the idea away. Surrounded by dozens of bodies, feeling so in his element that it still seemed to be a dream. At times it even felt good enough to make him forget about his own insecurities; the way people looked at him as if he was nothing short of beautiful. Of course, once the thrill went away and he was alone, those thoughts turned to doubt. Perhaps he had misinterpreted those glances in his own euphoric high. Perhaps they had drank enough to become blind to his imperfections. It was a reoccurring spiral.

His body felt hot, ached, begging for a short break despite the pleasure he found in his job and the lightheadedness that felt like he was high, despite being entirely sober. And because he'd recently nearly keeled over and made an embarrassment out of himself, he made the decision to sit himself down. Just for a moment, to recollect himself and push his conscious back into his body. Get grounded so he could get back onto the dance floor and lose himself all over again.

"Me?" Jae blinked slowly. Once. Twice. Maybe thrice - his mind struggling to comprehend the question for a moment. It wasn't the first time anyone had offered to buy him a drink, but it was still a fairly rare occurrence. It was more so the follow up comment that had thrown him off guard, however, as he prided himself in hiding his internal struggles behind a permanent smile. "I think I should maybe just have some water." A sheepish smile curled his lips up once more. "I work here, so I think I get free drinks anyway. I've never tried it. You're really nice to offer, though! I'm sorry if I seemed like I'm not having a good time. Jus' tired, you know?"

LOCATION: the poison apple. TIME: we stop checking at the clock at midnight. OPEN: to all willing sacrif—characters.

in this every spilling space of noise, ceaseless abandon and vibrant lusts, lucien closes his eyes and listens. ah, how sweet the trembling nonsense of such vapid, s i l l y creatures is. pop! pop pop! perfectly putrid! they condense and gather, pooling together and gleaming in a sticky, oily mess. a break up brews in the corner, desperation makes a bad, bad decision between, the dance floor fills with a giggling gaggle of fools and those who just want the night to blur itself empty. lucien inhales. goodness, he needed a night where someone tore themselves apart just enough for chaos to slip right through. truly, he isn't asking for much! the music that trembles through crack and mortar isn't enough to drown out the overheated lob and droll of panicked hearts, drowning grief, and the sharp cut of teeth against a shallow, neon-drenched evening.

good, good. this all deliciously good.

& he glances to the side where chaos seems to spill ever out. oh! oh, oh, oh! isn't this a lovely sight? they don't see what they do, these silly things. every single decision they make splits them across realities, all their ghosts curling up between the spaces of their bones and joints. every time they open their stupid mouths, anything is possible. anything can happen! lucien laughs, a dark sound that curls deep in his chest. a serpent slow in dark waters. oh, what a rotting mess. that feeling you get when all you can do is stare at a mess as it unfolds, as it swells, as it b u r s t s —

and, oh, more than anything, he loves a good mess. but he isn't without his own faults. sometimes, he simply can't help himself. sometimes, he has to get a little dirty.

"you seem like you could use a drink." he makes a gesture to the bartender. "order whatever it is you like. maybe your night can start turning around with this."

( & unheard by all is that scream in the dark to tell you to never accept the offer of the devil. a snake is a snake is a snake — whether in the waters of chaos or telling you to drink, what harm can it do? truly? did the god above, beneath, within say that you can't have it? it's just a taste. sate your curiosity. )

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It was nothing new for Nova to somehow manage to - despite their best efforts not to - bump into people. And doorframes, tables, chairs, cars; you get the idea. Part of it could perhaps be blamed on her tendency to get too caught up in her own head and thoughts. A constant blur of song choruses, a replay of their favorite movie scenes and a bunch of different ways they could be wording the next chapter of the novel they were currently working on. One that would most likely soon be abandoned, much like the dozens of other stories they had once started and never completed.

"Fu....dge..." Habits of growing up with a younger sibling died hard and while those time were a few years behind her now, Nova still caught herself censoring her words when possible. The collision had been a bit of a jumpscare as per usual and they briefly wondered if they had accidentally faded into invisibility again, without meaning to. A big downside of being so scatterbrained was that their control over their body could be hard to navigate.

The innocent joke, however, was quick to make her cheeks heat up in embarrassment. "They do?" It was a lie - the movies the other spoke of were very much her cup of tea, but she'd rarely allow herself to be delusional enough to believe those things happened in real life. "I think it's just a talent of mine," They managed an awkward smile as they pushed their hands into their pockets to give them some sort of purpose. "Bumping into things, I mean. I'm sure it wasn't on you. Not entirely, anyway. I mean, not that I'm saying it was you at all." Great save, idiot. "What I mean is that I should have been watching where I was going. Which I try to! Um... Unless you wanted to do the whole movie thing. I mean, like, we could absolutely be soulmates, separated by the universe to suffer until they managed to find each other by chance." Nova, shut the fuck up. "Jesus, sorry, I'm Nova."

LOCATION: the literal streets, main city. OPEN TO: anyone!

the chances of shiloh being in the way of someone were low, but never zero. a sleepless person often forgoes awareness of their surroundings. how long has they been standing there? when did they get here? their mind loses track of every potential answer. still, what follows is the awkward encounter: his own shoulder colliding with someone elses. they blink, startled by the sudden touch.

" — oh! " they stumble to take exactly three steps back. " ah, sorry ... " laughs, " can't even use my phone as an excuse for not watchin' my steps. " a hand raises to scratch at the back of their neck. say something funny. " but ... y'know, chance meetings like this in the movies always has some purpose, yeah? what'cha think? "

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◟✧⡀ ( park jimin. cismale. he/him. ) … there’s a figure off in the distance, do you see it? wait is that … KIM EUN JAE ? how long have they been standing there? if that’s really them, i believe they’re 29.  do i know them?  no,  but i hear they're SOCIAL and CREATIVE, but also NAIVE and INSECURE. i do know that they’ve been in the City for 19 YEARS. it’s crazy that they’re just standing there … shouldn’t they be working at POISON APPLE as a DANCER? maybe they’re off today, i couldn’t tell you. hope they get moving soon. hey, do you think they’re aware of the strange people around here?

Although he hails from the city of Seoul in South Korea, Eunjae and his parents moved to the United States when he was ten years old; thanks to a job offer that his father could not refuse. Jae's own opinion on the decision had not mattered. Of course, a ten year old isn't supposed to dictate where their family chooses to live, but in Eunjae's case, it was just another Thursday. See, his parents still preferred to live their life as if they had never had any children - the way they had planned to. Unfortunately this meant that Jae's existence had been entirely unplanned and whilst he tried his hardest to prove himself worthy of being their son, his parents continued to make him feel like the opposite.

Eunjae spent his first few years learning the new language, receiving tutoring from the best teachers his parents could find. Money was never an issue and it turned out to be the only love language he ever received from his family. With his father working as a surgeon and providing plenty of income, his mother had taken it upon herself to live her perfect housewife life - organizing parties and fundraisers for the whole town to attend. And for a long time, that was just the way life was. Studying, showing up to the parties he was being dragged to, then attending church every Sunday.

Religion wasn't something he had chosen, but it was something he'd been born into. In fact, it was only because of his parents being so religious that he was begrudgingly brought onto this earth. And yet, as years passed and his attraction developed, Eunjae discovered, to his horror, that he had a stronger interest in men than he had in women. Worse, he felt no attraction to the latter at all and no matter how hard he tried to push these feelings and fantasies away, they only got stronger with time.

It wasn't until his early twenties that he dared to act on his desires; though it was all done in secret and usually followed by crushing embarrassment and insecurities. Jae struggled to wiggle his way out of the mold he had labeled 'perfection' - the perfect son with the perfect grades, the perfect body, the perfect etiquette. With a clean mind and soul. But he had tainted it and there was no going back.

So he distanced himself from his parents (not that they would notice) and gave up on the medicine degree he had originally been trying to pursue. Instead, he finally made his own choices; getting a job as a dancer, which had always been a hobby he'd hidden from the judgmental eyes of his mother. Choosing to be happier, to be free to finally find himself and not a muted, restrained version of himself. Or as much as his mind would allow him to.

There are still days that are hard. Most days, in fact, he wonders if he made the right decision, if things wouldn't be easier if he went back to pretending to be who his parents want him to be. Eating is hard, breathing is hard. But Eunjae will keep smiling, because the one thing he never changed, was always wanting to make others happy and content, no matter the sacrifice on his own part.

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MAYA HAWKE Chaos Angel Spotify Canvas + Missing Out here

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♡ boy with luv jimin for @jiminsproof ♡

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