vbespos-blog

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After a therapy appointment, my boy was in tears. I picked him up and carried him across the parking lot to the car which must have been a sight because he is almost as long as I am. It broke my heart in pieces to hear him say, "I don't like myself. I'm a horrible kid because I have so many things wrong with me. I wish you had a different kid. A braver kid." We are working on Auditory/ sensory programming sensitivities and anxiety. I tried to make it absolutely clear that these are just 2 things about him right now but do not define who he is or who he will grow up to be. Everyone has their own "things to work on". Then I hugged him tight and swore that the best, most wonderful thing about me is being his mama. "It's why God gave me life. To be your mama. Nothing in the world makes me happier or more proud."

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When we started homeschooling this past July, I had dreams of travel, a vintage suitcase full of books and pencils. Instead, we grew roots in our home and cuddled up with the dog, the sofa, the dining room table. But there is so much to witness outside our roost. So today, we packed a workbook, a pencil and a couple of bucks...and made it all the way to the shopping center in front of our hood. (I adore this coffee shop, by the way) @roastrider #homeschool #freetobeacademy

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Outside, the world is dark and rainy. Inside, I am curled up in bed, patiently waiting for my champagne headache to go away. Holding this beautiful little book is literally soothing, the cover is cool to the touch and soft as a pup's ear. The true beauty, however, is on the pages. Words, raw sweet and honest, I feel like the author is whispering to me as I read. This is a gift meant to be held, too wonderful for today's reading devices. So get on Amazon and buy #somethinglikethedesert While you wait for the UPS guy, find @happysleepyfolks and follow her. She is a wonderful soul.

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This dude right here, so casually holding heavy things upright, is my heart's home. He works hard, laughs loudly, loves us completely. He looks at me like I am the most stunning creature in the world. He longs for me. Even if I'm pissy, too busy, manic, overwhelmed. Even when I haven't showered or brushed my teeth. He patiently waits his turn when my days are long and he becomes last on my list. He reminds me that life can be easy, that I write my to-do list, that it's all up to me. I am in love with him. He is my gift from above. #marriage #mysafeplace #mylove #mybabydaddy

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MexiCali Quinoa Bowls I LOVE to cook. Even more, I LOVE to eat! Seriously, I eat with a feverish passion. In a dream world I would devour fried chicken & chocolate cake every day. But, well...we know better. Still, I enjoy stuffing my face and filling my belly with deliciousness. This meal makes me a happy (and healthy) girl. 2 organic Chicken Breast halves, cubed 1 small grass-fed steak - brown in a little oil of choice (olive, grape seed, coconut) for 5-6 minutes -add: 1/2 small red onion, diced 1 small jalapeño, seeded and minced -sauté for a couple of minutes until onion softens -add: 2 Tomitillas, peeled rinsed and diced (find these near the fresh peppers at Kroger. They are small, green, round with a papery cover) -sauté until they break down -season with: Lots of Ground Cumin, a little cayenne pepper, salt & pepper -Serve over cooked Quinoa -Garnish with: Fresh Cilantro -Top with: Avocado Lime wedges Salsa of choice Grape tomatoes Dollop of plain Greek yogurt (instead of sour cream) The entire cooking process only takes about 20 minutes. Makes 4 dinner portions. I promise to start measuring spices soon. Enjoy!

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“When my sister’s having a manic episode, she thinks she has superpowers. She’ll go outside and strip off her clothes. She’ll develop all these conspiracies about the government being out to get her, and she’ll think that something she’s done has made our whole family unsafe. Sometimes she thinks that I’m not me, but an avatar of myself, and I’ll have to do all these things to prove that it’s really me. One time she stole someone’s bike off the street because she thought she was in a movie and was in a race to the Statue of Liberty. Luckily someone stopped her and took her to the hospital. It’s hard to see her like that, and it’s hard to say that there’s anything nice about it, but then again, I can’t help but feel that she has a certain freedom that I envy when she’s having an episode. I feel like everyone’s a little crazy and we all walk around with this armor of sanity, and she’s just able to cast it off completely. I’d almost like to join her and run around the city if only she could keep it from spinning out of control.”

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My boy. He is 8. Full of heart. Not a fan of loud noises or other boys his age. He wears his emotions on his sleeve, his face, his posture, his mind. He is beautiful, inside and out. If he likes you, you feel like you've won the friendship lottery. He loves with his entire being. Sadly, these traits are bully-worthy in school these days. So, we educate at home now. He misses his friends but not the constant ridicule. I work with him daily on things school teaches but the majority of my time is used lifting him up in spirit and self confidence. Still, he struggles with self doubt as well as self identity. It is a thrill, an honor, a privilege to be his mama.

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Free To Be Academy

I started homeschooling our son in July. It was going well until two weeks ago. My son was bored and I was overwhelmed. We took a few days off. We also talked it over. A lot. We came to the conclusion that I was trying way too hard trying to keep up with the masses. So, we came home from camping and I simplified our school days. One subject a day with lots of free time to explore and play. Ahhhh....free to be.

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Playing with light & shadow- It suits our mood today. We have hit our first rough patch with homeschool. Apparently, I haven't been a "fun" teacher. I admit, trying to balance work, house, school, husband is more work than I thought it would be. I'm a little bit exhausted. My poor husband gets a tired, quiet wife at the end of the day. Today we're going to take school outside. Maybe the beach? That sounds fun, right? Then a nap. So this wife will also be fun.

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Truly, it is good to be me. I have some wonderful friends. Especially the one lovely friend that just gave me all of her 3rd grade textbooks with teacher editions! #iamblessed #thankyou #teachertoone #homeschooling #homeschoolvirginiabeach #morethanonewaytolearn

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Cast Iron Comfort

Our home is uncomfortably quiet without Lola's squeaky little mews in the kitchen while I cook. My heart was not up for the task of making dinner last night. I stayed in my PJs all day, so dining out was not really an option. I'm trying to keep our diet as whole food as possible. What's a sad girl without her kitty to do?

I gathered what I had on hand: chicken breasts, carrots, potatoes, garlic and onion. Did a rough chop, added herbs from our garden that I dried-rosemary, lemon thyme and basil. Drizzled grapeseed oil, tossed it all together and threw it into my mama's cast iron skillet. Without much thought or excitement, I placed the skillet in the oven at 375 degrees for half an hour and lay back down on the sofa.

20 minutes later, my husband came home exclaiming, "Baby, the house smells great!" "It does?' I asked, surprised. I hadn't even noticed. I sat up and inhaled. Wow, it did smell pretty wonderful; rosemary will never let you down.

I peeked into the oven and the sight brought a smile to my gloomy mood. All the veggies were caramelizing and the chicken was turning a lovely shade of golden brown. I set the oven  broil for a few moments to perfect the caramel colored beauty.

We devoured it quickly (because it was delicious) and silently because none of us wanted to admit that we all missed our kitty girl. She would usually be at our feet begging for chicken bites. 

Man, I miss my Lolagirl. The grief process is not easy but we have lots of pictures that spark memories and funny stories of our girl. And my mama's cast iron skillet is always ready to help us cook up a smile.

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My LolaGirl

This morning I had to say goodbye to the best girlfriend I've ever had. We enjoyed 15 years of companionship. Lola was a gift from my mother. They have both loved me relentlessly. I am a fortunate woman.

As a kitten, she went everywhere with me-shopping, restaurants, even to work. I would unzip her cat carrier and she would hop in, ready to go for a ride in my little Miata with the top down; her little head reaching up to catch the breeze.

Lola has been at my side through all the craziness that has been my life. A break-up followed by much single-girl silliness. Then, another kitten, a wedding, a new home, a baby, my mother's death...and a dog!

She grew a little grouchy as she aged. Who wouldn't with the arrival of arthritis and diabetes? She had to share me with all the other pets and humans in our home, which honestly pissed her off. But, then I would give her a little grilled chicken and a lot of attention and I was forgiven.

Lord, I'm going to miss her and her squeaky little meow. And her polydactyl front feet. My friend, Kat called her Twinkle Toes. She was my "kitten with mittens".

I'll never be able to listen to Lou Reed or Barry Manilow croon about Lola without crying. It may even be a while before I can grill chicken.

I'm grateful for all the years we had together and, like my mother, I was able to hold her and give her comfort as she took her last breath.

Lola, it has been an honor and a privilege.

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Wow! I've been busy. Busy trying to un-busy my life. Grabbing my hectic life full of errands, functions, work and parenthood and attempting to change it, slow it down. Simplifying life is HARD work! It feels impossible some days.

I crave more time. More time with my son. More time with my husband. More time to do less. More travel, less work. A new American dream. A less-stressed family.

I'm reading "How-to" books. Erasing to-do lists. I'm sticking to a work schedule. I'm even settingg my phone down for an hour or two each day (try it). I've cleaned up our eating habits. We spend evenings at the table as a family eating nourishing meals and sharing stories about our days.

I am ever so slowly adapting to the idea, the dream of Simple. And, all 3 of us are benefitting from it.

We recently spent a few days in the Outer Banks with friends. If you have yet to rent a vacation house with other friends or family, DO it! It is such a relaxing way to re-connect an unwind with the people you love. 

I took a walk one evening with our dog, my son and our sweet friend, Tessa. That's her in the photo above. Tessa is the perfect example of how to love life. She is secure sharing her emotions. She gives lots of hugs. She tells you how amazing she thinks you are. She is such a beauty in every sense of the word.

I snapped this photo while we were watching the beginning of a sunset over the Currituck Sound. Tessa just stretched out her arms to enjoy the breeze and exclaimed, "THIS is a good life."

Yes, it truly is.

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Lunch: spicy black bean burger on a nest of sauteed onion & spinach, topped with avocado and fresh squeezed lime. So very delicious!

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What great advice for a child. So much more effective than ignoring a bully. I am keeling this is my "mommy file"

"She helps me when I’m having problems at school." "What’s one thing she’s helped you with?" "Well, she’s always telling me to stand up for myself." "How do you stand up for yourself?" "If somebody is saying mean things to you, you’re supposed to tell them how it makes you feel."

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Happy birthday to this spectacular man! He is a hard worker, a gentle husband, a very hands-on dad. He keeps us laughing and feeling loved. He works long hours to allow me to work from home and focus on being the mom i want to be. He is amazing…and he is all mine. I’m a lucky girl.

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Wow, this family of three has been busy! I have lost count of the days, but we are still in thr process of cleaning up our (food) act. My son is fighting the urge for processed nuggets. My husband doesn't want to know how healthy a meal is as long as it is tasty. Me? I am also trying not to spend a fortune in the grocery store. Shopping the fresh "outside perimeter" of my store of choice can get expensive! But I shop when I am not hungry. I always plan a menu and stick to my list. Education is key, as well. Knowing which produce must be organic and which conventional ones are ok. Our taste buds are changing too. I no longer crave traditional breakfast foods. Pancakes and cereal have been replaced with yummy smoothies made with almond milk and berries. Bacon and cheesy eggs are out; stir fry is in! The stir-fry above was created with leftovers: jasmine rice, roasted brussel sprouts, shredded chicken and bean sprouts. Now, brown rice would have made this dish healthy perfection...but we gotta have a little fun, right?!