turtlesoutofspace

[turtlesoutofspace]

Happy hearts day. ヽ(・∀・)ﾉ

[turtlesoutofspace]

Quiet

Cw: tcest!!! Blood, hidden relationships, intox, dubcon, pregnancy, leoraph and mitello

Raph and Leo screaming at each other until they're hoarse and one is sobbing and there's blood on the floor, until they can't look at each other and face the damage they've done, until one turns away or one concedes.

They don't leave each other alone if they're fighting-no stomping off and slamming doors. Raph follows Leo until Leo feels like snarking back, and every bit of frustration at the lot the world gave them, at absent parents and being forced into leadership they never wanted, at watching their little brothers bleed because they didn't take or deflect the blow themselves-every bit of that helpless anger is taken out on each other.

Donnie only made the joke about 'mom and dad fighting' once, Raph lost it and Leo put him in the medbay. Raph repaid the favor. All they ever do is feel awful and hurt all over.

Until one's voice cracks. The other herds him into the kitchen, calls him a dumbass, gets the bandages. Maybe some water, but water is being replaced by tea more and more often.

They actually talk, in a calm voice.

The next day, they still fight. It's subdued the first time. And then they're bored, and frustrated, and they forget to be better. They love each other, and it hurts, and they don't know what to do.

One prods, the other trips, and they're screaming and hissing and holding back tears again.

They fall asleep on the couch after tea that night. Wake up for a few moments on the floor, cling tighter, back to sleep. They're stuck together with dry blood in the morning, Leo was too tired to bandage anything properly.

They start drinking together, and everything gets so much worse, arguing every moment they're awake, breaking furniture and yelling at the top of their lungs. They get high together, on purpose or after Donnie put something in their tea, they honestly have no idea.

And it's quiet. Sans quiet giggling and whispering, like they're ten and know how to be some semblance of kind again, even if none of it's on purpose.

It's quiet in the morning, night comes and brings old music, stifled laughter, sighs after your body gives up on a task or standing or arguing just a bit for fun or giggling.

They didn't need bandages, they wake up stuck together again. Leo can't think about it or he'll vomit, stuffing gummies into Raph's mouth before he realizes, furiously scrubbing at himself until Raph takes over and his hands are so big and gentle and leo's falling back into him, it's warm and soft and velvet and safe and they'll be okay, like how Donnie and Mikey are okay, also high, stifling giggles and sighs, making a mess of each other, joking about their older brothers joining in.

Raph sobs like he did the night before as he adjusts around Leo, waiting for his body to be good and give like it's supposed to. Leo tries very hard not to mock him, or coo at him, losing the battle and doing both, shoving in before Raph can swipe at him.

This process repeats until Raph cannot possibly deny how much he likes being looked at and touched like he's pretty. Leo's starting to mutter about turning Raph into a mommy, because he knows raph likes it, he knows Raph would die to have more babies to dote on.

(One of their little brothers is already pregnant, has no idea, and is squealing happily as he dances with his favorite person.)

[turtlesoutofspace]

We know better

Mitello, based on rise, fits other iterations. Nsft, bc of bodies reacting to each other

Raph and Leo fight.

They fight and the others hide and try to keep each other amused, overwhelmed by hyper empathy and sensitivity, the screaming, emotions and noise and fear of how far the fight would go.

One day Mikey held them chained to opposite walls, lost his grip, and got his snout broken by Raph.

Mikey doesn't try to interrupt anymore.

Donnie builds curios, trinkets that only exist to make Mikey smile. A normal desire, to help someone he loves feel happier, safer.

He never was able to fully process how Mikey's response struck him.

It's like he's still there when he tries, hearing mikey croak out a thank you, beaming even as he cries.

Donnie suspects the main issue was an unusually large hit of dopamine. His favorite brother genuinely, fully appreciating something donnie made. Being able to soothe someone. Actually soothe them. The way mikey laid with his head on donnie's thigh, watching the projector spin, making constellations twirl across the roof of their blanket fort.

Mikey fell asleep like that, his head on donnie's lap, and he was so beautiful. So loving and kind and sweet and bright and warm, everything Donatello envied and could never be, if others and the unchanging nature of sapient life were to be believed.

Michelangelo is the center of Donnie's universe.

Michelangelo is Donnie's everything.

Donnie sat rigid, nausea building as he ran tests.

Who he would grieve the most. Dark, but telling. Who he would struggle the most without. Angelo, no hesitation. Who his favorite is.

Who he agrees with when they compliment themself.

Who he thinks of as cutest. Prettiest, most beautiful.

Who he thinks of as beautiful every time he sees him.

Donnie chokes down bile. Disgust is well warranted, but won't serve him. He can do this, he just has to figure out what's going on and he can take the appropriate measures to stop anything from happening.

He thinks, for less than half a second, about what he could possibly be afraid of regarding mikey. Mikey is safe, mikey is his person.

He actually loves mikey. Not like the others, not that that isn't love, but-

His brain fractures, what he's afraid of seeps in.

He never gets rid of it, the disease takes and he has always thought of angelo as his angelo, hasn't he? His sweet little brother, who he loves, more than anyone else. The beautiful boy asleep with his head on Donnie's lap, who comes to donnie with everything, comes to donnie when he wants to feel safe and far away from the world.

Mikey sketches in his lab, brings him treats first and Donnie has to be actually sick because he thinks that means something, and he knows he's sick he knows he has to keep the bile down and he's crying and it hurts his eyes and his head.

Mikey stirs. Rolls over to look up at donnie, frowns. "Hey, hey, Donnie, why the tears?"

Donnie cries harder.

And mikey's kneeling beside him, checking donnie's forehead and admitting he doesn't know what a fever feels like.

Mikey's gone, dashing out of the pillow fort and his traincar to brave the fight. just to get supplies for donnie.

Because donnie's having a pity party over being attracted to him, probably, definitely attracted. Probably in love.

Mikey's back and donnie's blushing, cheeks hot and mikey doesn't know what a fever temperature is for a turtle mutant with human dna, donnie should but he can't think of it or anything except bits of red in the amber of mikey's eyes, soft cheeks, cerulean skin marred with beautiful scars, dappled with markings, all gold.

Mikey leans his forehead against donnie's to feel the difference. Donnie stops breathing for a moment, and he wants everything he can't have, were he basically any other person alive he wouldn't have to feel guilty for thinking a beautiful, sweet, wonderful boy is beautiful and sweet and wonderful. How could his thoughts be bad when they're just the truth? His emotions wrong when he can't help them?

Mikey's asking some question, donnie isn't listening. Mikey grabs his face. Donnie flops onto the pile of pillows and blankets, taking mikey with him.

He gets to say it. Just once. And mean it and feel the sick rush of being able to say what he actually feels to mikey's face.

"I love you."

Mikey's eyes shift. Barely. Pupils narrow, then dilate.

"Why are you saying it like that, Donnie?"

Shit. Shit. Shitshitshitshit-

Donnie tries to face away, Mikey turns him back. "Repeat it. Say it the exact same way."

"No, i'm not performing affection."

"It's just a test, donnie. What's the harm?"

"I love you?"

Mikey slowly shakes his head, never breaking eye contact.

"No. You said it like this."

Mikey takes a deep breath. When he speaks, it's low, shaky.

Is that how Donnie sounded?

"I love you."

Hesitant and vulnerable and sincere and resigned and his voice is raspy, when it's low it makes something in donnie tighten, it's thrown him off it always has he's always loved mikey's voice-

"Are you okay? Is this still about raph and leo?"

Maybe donnie assumed too much. Maybe mikey didn't catch onto anything other than donnie being weird-

"It feels like you have a problem with me."

Donnie can't breathe.

"Did I do something?"

Donnie can't lie, he never could.

"Are you... upset with me?"

He needs something, anything.

"No."

"Are you... scared?"

"No."

"But it has to do with me?"

"...No, of course-"

"Liar." Mikey breathes out. The air feels weird. The quiet, the distant sound of water, electrical humming, muffled by the blanket fort, all weird, too much. Targeting donnie specifically somehow. Everything is weird. And bad. Donnie wants to go to bed.

"Goodnight."

So he does.

Mikey follows him out of the blanket fort, across the main area of the lair, no faint arguing to be heard, nothing but two sets of footsteps, mikey's quiet pleading.

"I just wanna know what's up."

Donnie's ribs ache. His thighs rub together too easily in the worst way, gliding and messy and he's crying again, the universe is cruel. He couldn't have a normal life, crushes who could love him back, windows with sunlight and bookstores and running as far as he could without broken glass and he loves his life, he does, he loves solitude and quiet. He loves dark, cold rooms.

But he'd like to actually have mikey.

He shakes his head, they go into donnie's room, another train car he remodeled.

Donnie turns off the lights, crawls into bed. Plugs in his phone, tries to, gives up. Whatever, life as he knows it is over anyway.

And mikey crawls on top of him, just heavy enough to be comforting, warm and soft from indulging in the treats he makes, not that donnie's fared any better, absentmindedly eating anything mikey gives him, trusting that it will meet his sensory needs.

It always does.

Donnie is miserable.

Mikey pries and threatens and bribes until a tactic works.

His lip wobbles. "I won't sleep if you're upset because of me."

Donnie is certain he's going to get disowned in an incredibly stupid, misguided attempt keep mikey happy.

"I am not upset at you."

Mikey's eyes widen, tears start to flow. "But you're upset because of me? Did I hurt you?"

Shit.

"No. No, no, my brain's just broken, it's none of your concern. An intrusive thought stressed me out."

"Your intrusive thoughts don't usually bother you this much. Did I get hurt?"

"No-well technically-"

"Did I hurt you in the thought? I'm so sorry-"

Donnie chokes a bit on his laugh. "What? No! No, no-please, mikey, we have to stop talking about this, I can't think about it anymore."

"Why? It can't hurt either of us. Just tell me, let me reassure you and you'll feel better. So i sort of got hurt?"

"I didn't-if it was violent i wouldn't be bothered. Because that would never happen."

"And this could?"

Donnie is going to die.

Mikey is sitting on his lap, his face inches away.

"Get off of me"

"Not until you tell me what it was, I know you were thinking about me."

"It's not my fault."

"I know."

"I didn't hurt you-"

"You never would."

"I just crossed a boundary."

"Physical or emotional?"

The quick response throws Donnie. He eyes the manipulative demon sitting on his lap, pretty tears long gone.

"stop asking questions."

"Both?"

Donnie will never speak ever again, he decides.

Mikey shifts his weight, grabs donnie's jaw, guides him to face mikey. Just a little bit more forceful than necessary.

"So you had an intrusive thought about crossing some boundary with me that makes you scared of being near me. even though you're certain you would never hurt me. The intrusive thought is about you crossing a physical or emotional boundary with me. Is it incest?"

Donnie can't say no and make it convincing, he can't speak, he doesn't try.

"Are you nonverbal?"

Donnie nods.

"Was I right?"

Donnie doesn't move.

"Was it one intrusive thought? Or a steady feeling? Oh-no, shh, it'll be alright."

Donnie covers his eyes and sobs. Mikey rolls off, wriggles under the covers, pulls donnie into his arms. He undoes his older brother's mask, takes his goggles off. Wristlet, elbow pads, gloves. "So you were just gonna go to sleep with these on? There, that should be better. There you go, lie with your head on my chest, heartbeat will help calm you down."

It's probably bullshit. Donnie lies there anyway. It helps. Might just be because of the softness and warmth and how mikey smells like safety and home and warmth and that stupid forest their dad dragged them into, their shared dad donnie is so gross-

Mikey's voice is quiet, tentative. "What if i had the same thoughts? Would you think i'm horrible?"

"Of course not." He could never.

"Then we're good. Also reptiles. Half siblings. Not that big of a deal."

He turns over and donnie's face is buried in his chest and it's so soft and if donnie never gets to cuddle like this with his beloved again He will actually die.

Donnie makes a note to research Mating behaviors on ornate box turtles the next morning.

Mikey's voice cracks when he speaks. Donnie has literally never heard him speak so quietly.

"So you arent going to ask me anything?"

"Do you also-"

"Yeah."

"How long?"

"No idea. Maybe since forever. You?"

"Yeah, same."

"What now?"

"I think we have to die from shame or something"

"Okay. What then?"

"We stay dead."

Mikey scrunches up his snout. He might be the cutest thing ever, and is definitely killing donnie because of it. "No we don't."

Donnie would argue with anyone else. "Okay. We reincarnate."

"And?"

"Find each other again."

"And?"

"And then we get another shot. We can ideally have whatever we want, it'll be healthy if we're really lucky, if we find-"

"Why can't we take this one?"

"Because i'm not doing anything and neither are you."

"Why?"

"Because we know better."

Mikey kisses him.