triggered3

[triggered3]

I don't regret us parting ways,

I regret how we ended things.

And I don't regret our love

Or how we met,

I just regret not holding on stronger

And not fighting more and not believing harder.

Crying doesn't help anymore

Pretending doesn't work anymore

You were my soul and now

Now I'm wandering the world looking for it.

- Triggered

[triggered3]

I still think about you

And the good memories we made.

And I still remember you

And the bad ones we made.

Triggered

[triggered3]

I wish I could have the courage to text you again

But I just can't bring myself to do it, considering it's been so long since your last message to me.

-Triggered

[triggered3]

I was angry at god

At the ripe age of 6 my imagination was taken from me

And though I continued with the faith of belief I was proven that god wasn't real

Shortly after I stopped believing in santa claus and the tooth fairy and the easter bunny and jesus

But at the very young age of 9 I saw a commercial and thought , I'll believe again.

Believed in God, Jesus, the Easter Bunny, The Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus and I was happy for a short time

Again

It didn't last long.

14, and I was angry so I did what I believed will bring me back to belief

It didn't

Untill I met you. And your snarky smile and your vicious voice and your horrific behavior all hidden in the lie of gifts, captured me into falsely believing that god was real

But it happened again. You ripped my soul and burned it to the ground you became the very nightmare I've experienced at the very ripe year of 6

And I cried.

I cried for 15 years.

Until you hurt her

That's when I knew

I knew belief came within, faith came within, love came within. Strength came within.

And I fought so hard and I cried so hard and I almost gave up and I almost let you win and I almost ran away and I almost

I almost didn't have faith

But I held on

Held on to the love I have for her.

#triggered

[triggered3]

-UNKNOWN

[triggered3]

It's been an entire year.

And today my soul feels ready

Ready to allow my heart to move on

Ready to allow my body to feel loved

Ready to allow my mind to feel free.

It's been an entire year.

And today my heart feels ready

Finally I'm not crying for going an entire day without hearing from you

Finally not crying from not seeing you more then once a week

Finally not crying from being ignored all day by you.

It's been an entire year.

And today I'm confident

Im confident I'll find a better person then you

I'm confident enough to know you've lost a national treasure

I'm confident to know now it's your turn to cry

So go ahead and cry

While i strive

-triggered

[triggered3]

Sweater

I uhm ... I still have your sweater ..?

It still has your scent cause i haven't washed it,

And well I wear it most nights - but never enough cause that'll fade away your smell.

Actually. if i were being honest .... I have three of your sweaters

But this one.. - .. this one is on it's last scent

and

I'm frantically trying to conserve its very last bit so i could hold onto to your memory and your love and your hug and your smile.

I'm frantically trying to grasp onto the love that's been lost, the fun we've had, the laughter's we had.

I'm frantically trying to wish that it's all a nightmare, that you're not actually gone, that it's all a bad dream, that soon..

Soon..

it'll be morning...

And we'll smile at each other with the sun radiating at our face and our skin is actually making more memories and yet again

it's just a sweater

And it's just a memory

With your scent

that's almost fading away

Indefinitely...

-triggered

[triggered3]

-triggered

[triggered3]

I wanted to tell you something today

I wrote it out, proofread, fixed any misspelled word, even went back and rewrote a phrase or two.

I wanted to share with you my feelings and why I'm on the verge of tears, even prepared myself for hours on the phone.

And I also convinced myself to give you detailed descriptions on why and how I'm feeling this way, besides you're my best friend and i could tell you anything.

But while i wrote it out and continued to cry out my feelings i realized you're not the person i want to tell this too. And so i backspaced all the way back

And I didn't hit send

-triggered

[triggered3]

Don't push me away, my heart just couldn't take it

Again...

-triggered

[triggered3]

I hate you

Such a strong word

But my feelings were never weak.

And so ain't I

-triggered

[triggered3]

You're pushing me away

Again

Ignoring my calls and my texts

Again

You're crying and dealing with the pain alone

Again

Lashing out onto the world and on me

Again

It would've been alright, i would've been fine with it, if you hadn't reached out asking me to hold your hand

Again.

-triggered

[triggered3]

I am in love with you

My soul is in love with yours

My eyes are in love with your face

I am in love with you

My body is in love with yours

My mind is in love with your desires

I am in love with you

My heart is in love with yours

My touch is in love with your skin

I am in love with you

My lips are in love with your smile

My ears are in love with your voice

I am in love with you

My dreams are in love with your goals

My future is in love with your presence

I am in love with you

-triggered

[triggered3]

You'll wake up tomorrow and

Your heart will know

As you sit up from bed

You'll realize, it'll finally hit you.

Will that day be too late or just in time?

-triggered

[triggered3]

Maybe the moon and planets are conspiring

For us

Maybe the realms and spirits are bringing

Us together

Maybe the stars and Gods are writing

Our story

Maybe, just maybe, instead of worrying we

Start loving

How about we let our hearts mash

Together forevermore

Take my hand don't fight it anymore

We are meant to be

Maybe once you touch me you'll finally see

Maybe you'll remember, we're one atom

Split in two

-triggered

[triggered3]

-triggered

[triggered3]

I'm having a rough day today

The skies are gray, just like my soul

It's raining out, just like my eyes

No birds chirping, no sun shining.

The universe obliged with my sorrow and is accompanying me along

The cold wind coming from the window into my heart

Freezing up the last bit of warmth left in me.

My soul is lingering with the bare branches of the trees right outside my door,

Dancing along with the wimpers of my cries.

The sun lost it's lover

And as she burns through the clouds wishing to be reunited once again

I too have burned through time, wishing to be with mine.

So my mind wanders off into space where it'll collide with the stars creating a brief distraction to my pain.

And for now, here is where I'll stay.

-triggered