travelinglamb

[travelinglamb]

the audacity of the official dc account to even post this 😭

[travelinglamb]

NOBODY FUCKING MOVE.

[travelinglamb]

One trope that i find weird is that during batfam reconciliation fics, the batfam members use alfred as like the big red button to bring jason back, but i feel like that wouldn't actually work. at all.

Jason would HATE alfred after everything he did after he died. Canonically, it was alfred that made the "a good soldier" memorial case, bruce wanted it down but alfred insisted he keep it up, he was the one that gave tim the Robin suit THAT JASON DIED IN, and drove him to save batman and nightwing with NO training at all. He also helped keep up all the "jason was always doomed for a life of crime, and he was an angry child that got himself killed" narrative that was spun after DitF. Alfred pennyworth is batman's biggest enabler, and has stood by while bruce did all his bullshit, such as the whole UtRH arc, and RHatO #25, where he said that it was inevitable that jason would go back on the whole no killing agreement.

Alfred may care for all of Bruce's children, but his only grandchild is damian, as shown when he made him robin behind tim's back( the whole "dick made damian robin" thing is just to add to tim angst. Dick was infact against that whole shitshow). If it doesn't benefit bruce, his pseudo son/employer and landlord, he wouldn't give a fuck.

It's basically impossible to write a reconciliation fic at all without completely rewriting characters, especially jason and alfred. Jason believes that batman's mission is flawed and useless since he doesn't permanently stop crime, so he'd never fully give up killing, the whole reason there's a rift between him and bruce, and alfred isn't this doting grandfather that always sides with his grandchildren and bakes cookies and makes tea.

Also, one major thing the fandom forgets is that alfred is canonically a shitty father to julia, his bio daughter. He abandoned his own daughter for the waynes, he'd never prioritise bruce's children over him.

[travelinglamb]

Reading this post made me think that not only does Alfred come up with some of the stuff that's most hurtful to Jason, not only is he an enabler to Bruce, but most importantly Jason doesn't know. Sure, Jason knows that Alfred at the very least allows Bruce to do the things he does, but he doesn't have any way of knowing to which degree he agrees with them.

Alfred came up with the Good Soldier memorial but Jason doesn't know that. Alfred is a big proponent of the "Jason did this to himself" side but Jason doesn't know that. Like the post says, Alfred isn't there when Jason deals with these things.

I think it could be interesting if there's that separation not only in the readers minds but also the kids. Tim might be the only one that suspects and that's only because Alfred enthusiastically participates in the 16 birthday trauma fest. And I wouldn't put it past him to just ignore it, he doesn't seem very keen in recognizing Bruce hurting him either.

Alfred is polite and he takes the role of caretaker. He patches them up, he makes them food, he makes sassy remarks and reminds them to stay safe. You don't want to reconcile that person with the one that says you kinda brought your own death onto yourself. Especially if you don't know he said that.

The potential angst of Jason being extremely fond of Alfred, his vision of his dad tainted by the trauma while his grandpa's remains clean, only to learn he is behind some of the worst things that happened to your memory since your death.

So he goes back to the mansion, he expects Alfred to sneer at him, to show his new disgust plain and simple. But he is just as pleasant as he ever was, offering you some refreshments and admonishing you for wearing your dirty boots on the carpet. He's always been like this.

[travelinglamb]

This is so relatable, I’m dying.

[travelinglamb]

okay but like robin!kon is literally so funny conceptually. your good old buddy pal tim gets killed so you hunt down the batman and become robin in his stead. are you gay. what is wrong with you. do you think your homosexuality is a disease. where was superman. why are you gay

[travelinglamb]

[travelinglamb]

Me: -having gone through sensory therapies as a kid, being in a special ed class that I was routinely told I was too smart to be in, having all sorts of sensory related issues resulting in meltdowns, having an “unspecified/unnamed” learning disability, struggling in social environments, having multiple close friends in the autistic spectrum giving me aggressive side eye - hey mom what learning disability did I get diagnosed with as a kid?

Mom: IT WASNT LIKE THAT YOU JUST NEEDED TO LEARN COPING MECHANISMS

Me: ….feels really autistic, ma.

Mom: IT WASNT REALLY A LEARNING DISABILITY YOU JUST NEEDED A LITTLE MORE ATTENTION FOR A COUPLE YEARS AND THEN YOU WERE FINE

Me: guess I’m just a disaster person, this definitely won’t come back to haunt me

Not telling your kid they have a learning disability, chronic illness, mental illness etc. so they can “feel normal” actually does the opposite. They will not feel normal if they do not have the context to understand that their normal will be different from that of their peers.

[travelinglamb]

A list of theories as to why Martha Wayne’s Pearls scattered Like That, despite the fact that real pearls are knotted individually on the strand to prevent Precisely That Sort Of Thing from happening [incomplete]:

One: Martha chose not to wear her real pearls to the theatre that night, as it was a night where there was no one to impress. The string snapped because the pearls were not real, and Martha died for a $100 set you could pick up at Macy’s.

Two: The Pearls, upon understanding this was a symbolic moment in at least one Wayne’s future [and two Wayne’s end], chose to disregard their quality for the sake of a Dramatic Tableau.

Three: no more then three pearls ever snapped off the strand, but to a boy watching his mother choke on her own blood, gasping his name into the suddenly silent night, three pearls was enough.

Four: an opportunistic officer slipped the pearls off Marthas neck as she was loaded into the morgue van, figuring Bruce would not have the wherewithal to miss them. The pearls were subsequently reported as lost, having probably rolled down the drain in the following chaos. Only three were ever recovered, having become stuck in the puddle of blood that was under Martha Wayne’s head.

Five: the pearls, a set Thomas Wayne picked up as an engagement gift and a promise when Wayne industries was collapsing and his fortune nonexistent, were fake, and Martha adored them far more then any of the expensive jewels he was eventually able to afford. She made a habit of wearing them on family outings. Martha died for the sentimental value of a $100 set you could pick up at Macy’s.

Six: the pearls where not real. Martha was wearing diamonds that night. Bone, when exposed to moonlight and the horrified tears of an eight year old, shines like pearls. 

[travelinglamb]

Here’s how I want robin in the next battinson movie:

The very first scene is Bruce and tiny Dick Grayson sitting across from each other at the dining table, staring each other down in silence, both clearly grumpy about it. Alfred is in the background watching them with concern. The silence lasts about 20 seconds before Dick speaks.

“Let me fight crime.” (said with all the petulance of a pouty 10 year old)

Bruce replies immediately. “No.” (this is clearly an ongoing argument)

Immediately cut to the next scene where Dick, wearing the iconic Robin suit, is having the time of his life swinging across the city while Bruce frantically tries to keep up with him while yelling at him to be careful like an anxious mother

[travelinglamb]

Robins during training:

Dick:

Jason:

Tim:

Stephanie:

Damian:

[travelinglamb]

thinking about harvey stardew valley and being a rural country doctor with a caseload like:

guy who won’t accept any diagnosis except “you have consumption and need to go to the seaside for your health”

woman who asks what gemstone he would prescribe for her UTI

guy who spends half the day trying to give himself a concussion and the other half trying to blow out his hearing on his guitar

two people who have struggled with alcoholism for years but reject all of his resources for it UNTIL someone gifts them alcohol biweekly for a year straight and suddenly their lives turn around

guy who will not stop mailing people bombs but in a friendly way and like this just isn’t on the PTSD screener??

guy who won’t stop asking him vague but increasingly bizarre questions about the safety of truffle oil

woman who EATS ROCKS

and also there’s a fucking wizard. what’s up with that. how often do you think the man goes “why did i get an MD why didn’t i just train to be a wizard i didn’t even know that was an option” while performing emergency surgery on this one farmer who won’t stop picking fights with ACTUAL MONSTERS

[travelinglamb]

I'm a cryptid in Stardew valley. I live on the outskirts of town. I disappear for days on end, purchasing daily one-way tickets to the calico desert. Nobody knows where I go while I'm there. Can occasionally be found fishing at random spots throughout town. I am never not running on at least one triple shot espresso. I take the abandoned minecarts to get around and am frequently seen disappearing into the sewers. I carry a sword for some reason. Once every week or two I will stride into your bedroom to deliver you your favorite meal. I'm a self-made millionaire. I attend all the town events and will go to your concert in the next town over. I have donated approximately 2583 items to the local museum and singlehandedly revitalized the town community center. There are rumors I can talk to junimos. I'm friends with the local wizard

[travelinglamb]

dick is so funny hes like im my OWN man with my OWN life and im NOT batmans fucking sidekick ANYMORE im NOT gonna take his orders im NOT gonna do whatever he asks me to im gonna live for ME and do what I DECIDE to do and follow my OWN path and forge a name for myself INDEPENDENT of bruce because i am NOT him and im NOT going to live under his shadow anymore. but then bruce calls like “hey dick i know youre halfway around the world currently having an identity crisis and going through severe unchecked emotional turmoil but can you come back to gotham? i cant reach my glass of water and dont want to get up. also could u like, ruin every aspect of your own life on your way here” and dick is like “Absolutely. Ill be there Five minutes ago”

[travelinglamb]

If it’s not bedazzled I stg…

i know it's too late to stop it but if sister daniel has the same raggedy two year old costume on tour i will be disappointed i hope she gets a makeover tomorrow

[travelinglamb]

…can someone explain to me why this was never made into a matching pin set?

[travelinglamb]

Bat Family Ages

Bruce 45, Dick 30, Barbara 33, Jason 23, Tim 21, Stephanie 22, Cass 23, Damian 14, Duke 18

In Batman Year One (Batman #404) Bruce Wayne is said to be 25 when he becomes Batman.

Dick Grayson’s age when he became Robin varies a lot, but I go with Batman #416, which says Dick was Robin for 6 years, and fired at 19.

That puts Dick at 13 when he became Robin, and since this is Batman: Year Three, that puts Bruce at 28.

Barbara Gordon was 18 when she donned the costume, as stated in Batgirl (2000) #45, and implied in Secret Files #20, as Barbara left for university at 16, having skipped a couple grades, for her Library and Information Systems degree, which takes two years to complete.

When exactly Barbara became Batgirl has changed a lot over the years, in Secret Files #20 Barbara says Dick is much too young for her, but she has since been aged down to be paired with Dick. Becoming Batgirl in Batman: Year Five is pretty common, so that's where I'll put her

Bruce 30, Dick 15, Barbara 18.

Detective Comics #571, which takes place in 1986 and not long into Jason Todd’s time as Robin, says Jason was born in 1974 on a tombstone Bruce imagines, putting him at 12

Bruce 34, Dick 19, Barbara 22, Jason 12.

In Secret Origins #13, Dick turns 20.

Jason's death certificate is seen in The Batman Files, with Jason having died at 15.

Bruce 37, Dick 22, Barbara 25, Jason 15.

Batman #441 introduced Tim Drake as 13, less than a year after Jason's death.

Tim becomes Robin after ~6 months of training, still 13, and later in Robin II #1 is 14. His birthday is July 19th as stated in Robin #116, which I will come back to.

Secret Origins 80-Page Giant tells us Stephanie Brown was 15 when she became Spoiler, during which Tim is 14.

Bruce 38, Dick 23, Barbara 26, Jason 16, Tim 14, Stephanie 15.

Cassandra Cain is 17 when she arrives, as mentioned in Batgirl (2000) #1.

Batgirl #24 mentions Tim being now 15.

Cass later turns 18 in Batgirl (2000) #37, on January 26th.

Tim's 16th birthday happens in Robin #116, on July 19th.

In Detective Comics #790, August 16th, Bruce and Cassandra visit Jason’s grave for his 18th Birthday.

Batgirl #65 also refers to Cass and Jason as roughly the same age.

Stephanie is a little less than a year older than Tim and is still 16 when she becomes Robin and later "dies" during War Games.

Bruce 40, Dick 25, Barbara 28, Jason 18, Tim 16, Stephanie 16, Cass 18

Under the Red Hood happens that same year, with Jason Todd being 18.

One Year Later happens, obviously aging everyone up by a year.

Damian Wayne arrives around this time as well, mentioned to be 10 years old in Batman and Robin #2 and Batgirl (2009) #7.

Tim is still 17 as of Red Robin #25

Duke is a little tough, being introduced in New52, but he is 16 in We Are Robin #4.

Later on, in Teen Titans 2016 #1, Damian turns 13, meaning he was 12 during We Are Robin.

As of Robin (2021) #1, Damian is 14, though the current Batman and Robin (2023) may have him turning 15.

So, current time, their ages should be:

Bruce 45, Dick 30, Barbara 33, Jason 23, Tim 21, Stephanie 22, Cass 23, Damian 14, Duke 18

Obviously there are a lot of inconsistencies with characters ages, and some people may ignore certain things in favour of others, but this is the most logical way of piecing it all together in a way that makes sense to me.