tokinfile

[tokinfile]

Our dish might not be here.

Recently I have been talking to others about what I want to do and how to do it.

Japanese ver. is here

In the last year or so, I have lost hope in a future that I can reach by doing the same things I am doing now.

I have my doubts about the state of our society these days, in a world that is so coated in hate and fakery, with lies and truly messed up meaning and value….I am clearly outraged, far past the feeling of…….

So, I no longer have any expectations or trust in the future beyond where I am standing now and the existing routes provided by society.I can't trust and expect.(Probably many people do.)

However, what came out of that frustration was the idea of "creating" rather than "choosing" a path or place.This was the idea.And I think that the trial and error might be a hint for someone to live.

Specific actions are still in the planning stages.However, I plan to make our public eventually.I am aiming for such a development!(It doesn't mean that I will stop being a painter!) I cannot see a breakthrough in the sense of stagnation and insecurity that is prevalent today.

so,I don't want be waiting, I want to create. Maybe it can't change the entire society, but I want create a hole that a few people can pass through.

Before you and I are left with an irreparable hole in our lives!

[tokinfile]

Applause alone is not enough. (Though it is.)

I am still working on my paintings every day, but the more enthusiastic I become, the more impatient I become with the paucity of what I can do.

日本語はこちら

I am still working on my paintings every day, but the more enthusiastic I become, the more impatient I become with the paucity of what I can do. It's not so much the drawing or cartooning skills, but the experience and knowledge to write them.

I do a lot of drawing work related to mental health, and it is the result to the cause that makes them think about the importance of mental health care. And when I look at the causes, they are truly diverse, and I am stunned at how much I didn't know.

I have no choice but to do what I can do, but sometimes I get stuck in a feeling like “I'm doing it, but (what I can do) is not increasing at all.” In reality, there is some increase. In terms of work alone, I am a creator, so naturally, I leave the area of expertise to the experts. But I can't say “I'm not a professional in that area, so I don't have to do anything” when I see people actually being hurt.

I used to say, “For those who are in need, painting and art are of no use. It doesn't make money, it doesn't provide medical care.” I had blurted this out to a friend who works as a psychotherapist. I remember what she said to me at that time, “But people can't live with only what they need. That is certainly true. A simple conversation with a friend or a simple “I see…” can have a greater impact on me than medical treatment. There are also many paintings, art, and music that have saved me.

I often tell people, “I'm praying for peace of your mind.” In truth, I think to myself, “What good is just praying?”.

I have no idea what is the best in this case. I'm sad that maybe my voice can not reach to you.

[tokinfile]

Personal stories about disasters

On March 11, 14 years ago on this day, Japan was hit by a massive earthquake.

(日本語版はこちら→（JPN)

Regarding the Great East Japan Earthquake, while I am of course aware of the problems with the impact it had on society, I have a fairly strong sense of “I am sorry” about that disaster.

I was hospitalized because I became mentally ill during the chaos of that time. Also, because of the vagueness of my memories due to my dissociative disorder, I don't really feel the anxiety I felt at the time, nor do I feel the effects of the disaster afterwards.

Therefore, every time March 11, when the earthquake occurred, I feel guilty that I don't really understand the details of that earthquake.

With this regret, a few years after the disaster, I visited Fukushima alone and had the opportunity to talk with people there. I will never forget looking at the seaside from a hill and hearing, “That place and that place over there, they were all towns,” and feeling surprised and guilty that I did not know, and seeing to stare at the sky, choked for words.

Fourteen years after the disaster, there are still many issues to be dealt with, such as the evacuation zone and the nuclear power plant problem.

However, I have the feelings as mentioned above. Therefore, every time March 11 comes around, I ask myself, “Am I treating the Great East Japan Earthquake only as a social issue, as if it were someone else's problem?” 

Of course, the responsibilities and problems of corporations and politics are different from those of individuals.

But the “society” of “social problems” definitely includes myself.

[tokinfile]

Nothing is unimportant.

People are not content, and they are not measured by value. They are not data, they are not numbers. We’re creatures that cry when we’re sad and bleed when we cut.

（日本語テキストはこちら | Click here for Japanese version）

People with difficulties in their lives explain their experiences, but are misunderstood, and end up in another difficult situation. I have been hearing many such stories lately, and it is frustrating.

How many times do we have to repeat these frustrations before we can reconcile them with the circumstances surrounding them?

It is often said that the words of those involved are persuasive when promoting understanding of illness, disability, and other difficulties in life. I really dislike that. I think it is cruel to ask those who have already been injured to explain themselves. I also think it is arrogant to affirm it as a solution.

If you are interested in the issue, the person asking for an explanation must also be a party to the problem. Why is one party playing the referee in the audience while the other party is bringing an already exhausted person on stage?

Also, in this case, “persuasiveness” is for whom and for what? What will happen to the people on the stage if we fail to persuade them? Or rather, how will they be “treated”?

I once wrote in a blog that “understanding of minorities and the difficulties they face in life is slowly but surely improving. But I was wrong. What has spread is not understanding, but only recognition. And what was fostered was not mutual understanding for the sake of coexistence, but the exclusion of those who were deemed “incomprehensible” by the majority.

In some cases, of course, this is not the case. But taken as a whole, it is true that we are moving in a direction that makes one want to lament.

No,thisis not “move.” It would be more accurate to call it a regression.

Still, it is heartening to know that there are people who fight on without losing hope. I want to be that kind of light like them.

Every day I wonder what I can do in a society that is regressing and going crazy. To cherish those who are close to me, to cherish the everyday things that are close to me. For a while, I thought that was the least I could do.

But what is the difference between living each day that way and settling for the status quo? I don't know anymore.

In the past, someone might have noticed. But now, someone might even say, “If you can't stand up, throw it away. It is cruel.

The pain and sacrifice associated with change is inevitable. In theory. I know that, but I am heartbroken and want to be angry at each and every event. I don't want to get used to people's pain. People are not content, nor are they measured by value. They are not data or numbers. People are creatures that cry when they are sad and bleed when they are cut. I don't want to be indifferent to that temperature.

[tokinfile]

We can chat before the story's end.

In conversations with others, when I am emotionally involved, thinking over, or digging deeper into the conversation, I sometimes feel myself in the past or in a “time that might have been”.（後半に日本語文があります）

It may be my imagination of the other person that brings it up, or it may be a flashback.

The other day, after talking to friend like that, I was surprised to find myself suddenly confused on the way home.

I feel like I'm losing my footing and it's faster to give up than to resist. I wish the “now” would hurry up and pass, that whatever it is, it would pass already! I felt as if I were praying.

I was surprised by this feeling, but I also had a faint feeling that this might be important.

I usually get angry at things that hurt others. However, I think I have not been in a place where I myself have been hurt for a while.

For the first time in a long time, I remembered the tightening feeling of disgust in my chest, and I realized that the words “other people's pain” that I had been uttering recently were only images. Because it didn't hurt this much. In the image.

Hating myself, and hating the world.And don't want to depend on anyone, but I want someone to help me, and I almost lose my temper.  For me, these feelings are the starting point of my work.

There are a lot of words that sound nice, like cheering people up or helping them, but I want to think of things from a tiny perspective as much as possible. And I want to talk from there.

With the people who are there, with myself who used to be there, and with all the background that created it.

It won't be a pleasant conversation, but at least I want to make sure people don't die there. If we get through this place, we'll be able to have a pleasant conversation, so let's chat for we survive together! I want to say that.

I can't talk like that with many people, but my work might make them talk like that. I want to make something like that. I feel like I am making it.

Maybe I will be able to deliver a new piece of comic work soon. Oh, I'm really nervous!! I hope that my work can talk with you.

人との会話の中で、感情移入をしてみたり、俯瞰で考えてみたり、わからないなりに「なんでなんで」と踏み入ってみたりしていると、ふと、相手の向こうに、過去の自分や、“あったかもしれない時間”を見ることがあります。 もし同じ経験をしていたら…という想像力からくるものかもしれないし、記憶のフラッシュバックなのかもしれません。

先日、そんなふうに人と話したあと、帰り道に突然なんだか「わー」という感じになってしまって、驚いたことがありました。 足がすくむような、諦めた方が早いような。抵抗も反抗もどうでもいいからとにかく早く「今」が過ぎてくれ〜という感じ。 唐突な混乱に驚く一方で「ああ、たぶんこれは大事な事だな」ともぼんやり思っていました。

ニュースを見たり、人の話を聞いたりしていて、誰かが誰かを傷つけるという事に私は頻繁に怒っています。ただ、自分自身が傷つくところにはしばらく立ってい��かったんでしょう。 久しぶりに、身に染みるような“いやなかんじ”を思い出して、最近自分が口にしていた「他者の痛み」というのは、イメージでしかなかったのだなと気づきました。 だって、ここまで痛くなかったもの。イメージでは。

自分が嫌いで世界が嫌いで、誰も頼りにしたくないのに誰かに助けてほしくてキレそうな、こういう目線がきっと自分の原点なのだと思います。

人を元気づけるとか助けるとか、聞こえのいい言葉はたくさんあるけど、私はやっぱり、なるべく、低くて重い目線からものを考えたい。それで、話したいです。 そこにいる人と、かつてそこにいた自分と、それを作り出した背景全部と。 それは楽しい会話ではないかもしれないけど、少なくともそこで人が死なないようにしたい。ここを乗り切ったら楽しい会話ができるようになるから、死なないためにおしゃべりしよーよ。という感じ。

そんなふうなおしゃべりを、誰彼なしにする事は出来ないけど、自分が作るものはそれをしてくれるかもしれないから。そういうものを作りたい。作れているような、気がします。 いよいよ、たぶん、もうすぐ（ってずっと言ってますが）新しい作品が、お届けできると思います。ああ、本当に緊張するな。 作品が、ちゃんとあなたの話し相手になってくれますように。

[tokinfile]

A whisper of resistance, a flag of rebellion waved with a hunched back

I go for a walk, depressed by the unpleasant news... I came across this sticker at a store when I was looking for a change of pace.（後半に日本語文があります）

I feel relieved when I come across people and place displaying political messages while out and about. （Of course, the goal is for each problem to be resolved）

In other words, the reason I can't let my guard down is because when I talk about social issues, people sometimes say things like, You're very conscious of issues,'' orThat's the kind of person you are.'' (It is often accompanied by ridicule). I'm afraid of being distanced from myself like that.

Recently, I have often seen and heard about ``excessive consideration'' and an aversion to the voices of minorities.Every time I hear such words, I feel scared, as if a knife is being pointed at me.

I tell other people, ``You should say what you want to say!'', but I'm not very good at it myself. I feel more strongly that I want to remain silent so as not to be attacked.

Actually, I'm basically disappointed in the current trend that says ``it's okay to ignore small voices'' and my inability to stand up to it.

But life is too long to spend feeling discouraged. And you never know when your life will suddenly come to an end due to disaster, illness, etc. At that time, you don't want to die with dissatisfaction and regrets. I often act or create works with this in mind. It's not like I'm the only one who has a special personality that cares about social issues, or that I act because I'm highly conscious. I just do it because I need it to live in peace.

However, when I walk with my head down, feeling discouraged and resigned, I often meet people who walk with a ray of hope. And, It's too embarrassing to sayI'm giving up'' in front of these people! ” I thought and started walking again. I feel that these people are really keeping me alive.

I can't be the personality to shout out loud. However, I think it's not such a bad thing that there are people in this world who don't stop walking even though they're nervous like me.

Sorry, but thank you as always.

ーーーーーーーーーーーーーーー

「ニュースを見ても怖い話ばかりだな」とメソメソしつつ、お出かけ…。 社会派アンテナはオフにしよう…と思いつつ立ち寄ったお店でFree　Palestinaと書いたステッカーを貼ったお店に遭遇。勝手に「同志〜〜〜！！」みたいな気持ちになっていました。

こうして、出先で政治的メッセージを掲げている場に遭遇すると、何かほっとします。（もちろん、それぞれの問題が解決されることが目標ではありますが…） ほっとする──、つまり、普段ほっと出来ないのは自分の中に、そういった課題に言及して「意識高い人」「気にするタイプ」とか言って線引きや忌避をされることへの怖さが染み付いているのだと思います。」

最近は「行きすぎた配慮」とか少数派の声への忌避感をよく見聞きします。そういうのを聞くたびに私は自分にナイフを向けられるようでヒヤッとします。私は他人に「言いたいことを言った方がいい！」なんて言っていますが、正直な話、自分自身がそう出来ているかというと、微妙…。「攻撃されないように黙っていたい」という感覚の方が強いです。

私はそんなふうに、小さな声は切り捨てて良いとする風潮や、そこに堂々と抗えない自分に、基本的に落胆していて、あまり希望を持っていません。 ただ現実的には落胆したまま過ごすには人生は長すぎる！そして、災害とか病気でいつ何時、思いがけず人生が終わるかわからない…。その時、不満や後悔を抱えながら死ぬのは嫌だなあ。と思い、しばしばアクションを起こしたり作品を作ったりしています。

「気にするタイプだから」「意識高いから」そうしてるんじゃないのだ。 安心して生きるのに必要だから、そうしているだけだよ〜。

ただ、そうして落胆と諦めの中とぼとぼ歩いていると、先の道で希望の光を持って歩く人としばしば出会うのです。 そして「こんな人達を前に「諦めてる」なんて言うのは恥ずかしすぎるな！」とか思ってまた歩き始める。そういう人たちに私は本当に生かされていると感じます。

胸を張って大声を出せるタイプだったらかっこいいけど！！ こんな及び腰でキョドキョドしながら、それでも歩いている人がいるというの��、まあ、そんなに悪くないんじゃないかなと思っています。 すみません、でもいつもありがとう。

[tokinfile]

Let's Explore old animation👀

There are many things that are worrying about the world situation, but it's in these depressing times that I decided to share some fun stories! ! !

（日本語のテキストはこちらですよ↓）

After seeing the famous Japanese manga "Norakuro" from the 1930s, I became interested in learning about Japanese manga, anime, and the historical background before World War II. So I'm reading a lot of books.

Yesterday I finally finished reading the book I had been reading since the end of the year.

📚How was Japanese animation established?/Tomohiro Nishimura（日本のアニメーションはいかにして成立したのか）

A book that unravels the history of how anime came to be known as ``anime.'' I wanted to read the story before the TV anime, so I found it very interesting. I was thrilled to learn that there was such rich expression before the anime we see in our daily lives (mainly movies and TV). It was a fun learning experience watching the actual videos on YouTube while reading the book.

This is an animation that I love💜 Too cute😍. I can't stop loving💓

Although it is a fantastical expression, it contains a strong anti-war message.

Look!This is``norakuro”. I just love this so much!🥰💞

Those are may not the same Category as entertaining ``Anime", but it is a shame that so few people have the opportunity to know that such a variety of expressions existed in the past too! I hope that all experts will create opportunities to spread these works!

By the way, I'd like to introduce of the anime work I did in the past. I want everyone to watch it. But It's only available in Japanese.It's frustrating…😅

Today's header image is a picture of the art room used in the prototype for "Oshiete Hokusai!（Teach me Hokusai!）"

I hope I have a chance to work on anime again...💭

[tokinfile]

We live together until now,from now on!🏳️‍🌈🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵🖤🩶🤍💜 これまでもこれからも一緒だよ。

[tokinfile]

あまりにも自分に縁のなさすぎるお声かけすぎて描かずにいられませんでした。 (English translation after the Japanese)

実際のところ友人は、別に相手を問わず送ってたんだと思いますけどね…。 In reality, she probably didn't choose the person to send it to. but I couldn't stop draw  that in comic. because such a happening was coming to my life is rare.

私はこういったYOASOBIをしない人ですが、しない人だと思われるのも癪だ、みたいな所（と書いて見栄と読む）があります。 でも、誘われたら行くか？と言えば、行かないんですよね。 だったら最初から「行かない」と言えば良いと思います。

でもね、そこには「私も都会人だと思われたい」という塵芥のような見栄がふきだまっているのですよ。参ったね、業とは恐ろしいものだね。

Usually,I am not the person who playing at the night spot.But I hold a Commitment(?) of"I want look like the cool who look  person who playing an the night" However, probabryI don't go there if someone invisited. If so I should response that"I don't go there".I know that.But…my Commitment to appearing cool is there……

[tokinfile]

If you have came hare this far while worrying.SO I think you will can to walk to furture🙆‍♀️　 ここまで来られた「あなた」は、これからを行く「あなた」になるのだ！

[tokinfile]

Power is not always justice

The other day, when I was watching the news, I was surprised to see the headlines ``McDonald's retreating from DEI'' and ``Meta abolishes fact-checking'' at the same time.（後半に日本語文があります）

It was shocking to me that the values ​​we had built up until now could be so easily undermined by money, business, and negotiation.

The trend in society that to think, ``Because of this situation, I have to  more power.'' instead of ``Let's stand together in this situation,'' makes me feel very sad.

As a result of using power, the value of power is reproduced and reinforced. Thinking about it makes me feel heavy.

The idea of ​​valuing power is felt not only in the press but also in daily life.

For example, when talking about social care for people who have difficulties in daily life.

When we talk about nursing care and social security, we often hear people say, ``Let's help them because I might become vulnerable in the future.''

I always feel uncomfortable with this word.

This is because it sounds like the idea that if they have the power (if they are not weak) then they can make it someone else's problem.

"Power'' is not something that everyone can obtain. I feel uneasy about the trend in society that places importance on this.

However!

While there are many discouraging events, there are also many encouraging events and people who give us hope! I hope that by building on that light, I can somehow pass on that light to others.

I'm just confused!

But I also think that if I stop wondering, it will be over.

ーーーーーーーーー

先日、朝起きてニュースを見たら「マクドナルドが多様性施策を縮小」「メタがファクトチェックを廃止」という見出しが同時に目に入ってびっくり。

いずれもトランプ氏の大統領就任を意識したもののようですが、これまで築いてきた価値観が一国の…というか、お金やビジネスや“力”のために、こんなあっさり衰退していくって！やりきれないな。

こういうとき「こんな状況だから協力しよう」ではなく「だから、自分も力を持とう！」という流れになってしまうのが寂しい。力が幅を効かせた結果、また力の価値が再生産され、強化されていくのか…。

この、力に価値を置く考えは、報道だけじゃなくて日常生活でもよく感じます。

例えば、障害や生活の不自由を持つ人へのケア。しばしば「自分だって将来、弱者になるかもしれないし、弱い立場の人へのケアは必要だ」という言葉を聞きますが、あれに私はいつも違和感を覚えるんです。

「力を持ちうる（弱者ではない）うちは他人事にしてても良い」というのが見える気がして。

その考えが必ずしも悪とは思わないけど、既に力を持っていない人（今後も持ち得ない人）にとって、その考え方が与える静かな理不尽さは、絶対にあると思います。

そんなわけで、強い力を持つことにやたらと価値を置く今の潮流に危機感を覚えずにはいられません。

とはいえ！落胆する一方で、励まされる出来事もあり、希望となる人だってたくさんいるのです！

その光を礎に、自分も多少なり、その光を別の人��渡していきたいな。

迷ってばっかだ！でも迷うのをやめたら、終わりだとも、思うのだよ。

[tokinfile]

Will we be able to love 2025?

Happy new year!（後半に日本語文があります）

I hope everyone has a happy and enjoyable year!

At the end of the year,I spent my time making New Year's decorations and dishes, and watching New Year's music programs.

But, in reality, there are a lot of domestic and international issues, environmental problems, etc., and we are in a situation where we can't just enjoy it.

You, me, and everyone else are winners simply because we made it through 2024 because it was such a difficult situation!!Congratulations!!!

This year is the year I personally have to be more motivated. (I can give you good news 2-3 times!!) I will try my best to stay positive and not give in to the dark and anxious mood.

And, I started putting English text here because I want to interact with foreign users more than ever, but I want to improve it a bit more. If anyone has any ideas, I'd love to hear them!😅

あけましておめでとうございます。 前回の日記を書いた直後くらいから仕事が急に忙しくなり、ただ「あわわ」とか言っているうちに年が明けてしまいました。あわわ。

���末は例年通り、狂気の執着で以て、おせちやしめ飾りや年越しそばを作り、こちらもまた例年通り紅白を見ていました。

しかし、国内外の情勢も環境問題も課題だらけで、あまり手放しでハッピ〜になりづらい年末年始ではありましたね。
そんな中ですからね、2024年を生き抜いたというだけでアタシもアナタも、優勝優勝、もう大優勝ですよ、おめでとうございます！！！

今年は、個人的にちょっと色々、気合い入れねばならない年なので、暗く不安なムードに負けず、ブチアゲ祭りを開催しながら駆け抜けたい所存です。

そして、これまで以上に海外のユーザーと交流したいという思いから英語の文章を入れ始めたのですが、いまひとつ手応えがない…。 アイデアがある人がいたらぜひ教えてください！！😅 今年もよろしくお願いします！皆様にとって嬉しいこと、楽しいことがたくさんな一年になりますように❤️

[tokinfile]

Happy New Year🌅

May it be a fun and happy year for everyone🩷

I personally have to work really hard this year, so I want to take care of my health and stay as cheerful and energetic as possible.

あけましておめでとうございます🌅 今年はいろいろ、気合いが必要なことが多い年なので、なるべく明るく朗らかに、景気の良い心で暮らしたい所存です。

皆様にとって楽しいこと嬉しいことがたくさんの年になりますよーに！

[tokinfile]

いよいよ2024年も終わりますが、終わる前に12月のデキシード・ザ・エモンズのライブの絵をあげさせて頂きます。 "Dixied the emons" is coolest and most amazing rock band in Japan (to me). As 2024 comes to an end, I'll give you an illustration of them, the last live show I saw in 2024. hehehe…

[tokinfile]

HappyHolidays 👼

For everyone's precious moments

皆がニコニコで過ごせますように🎄

[tokinfile]

looking forward to…　喜んでくれるかな。

[tokinfile]

準備はできたかな💭 Are you ready for a certain important day?