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Skins s3e5 “Freddie”

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Skins s1e2 “Cassie”

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where r u?

 I’ve been feeling so much, and feeling so sensitive. If I miss the bus when I feel more sensitive I start thinking about all the stuff that is wrong in my life at the moment that is basically everything. I don’t even feel like I have friends and I feel like a burden to everyone. I just wanted someone who I really could talk openly to in a cold but starry night about everything. I wish I had that special person in my life right now because it would help me so so so so much. Even if I have people who actually care about me and who are willing to have one of those deep long talks with me, it has to be a specific person with whom I could really feel good. I don’t know, even if I want someone to be that special person it doesn’t work like that, it’s just not the same. I can’t make a person that important for me, even if I try to. I’m still waiting but it’s taking so so so long, I need it right now. Someone that I’d finally not make excuses not to hangout with. I’m just so tired of being this lonely.

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my thoughts

 Have you ever felt like there will never be someone that can release you from all the pain and suffer you’ve been feeling, even though there’s this big chance of being wrong? Although you think you’re not right, at the moment you kind of assume that there will never be a person that can fill your emptiness, just like you’re waiting for something that doesn’t exist. The feeling of being a pointless and lonely soul remains and contributes for all your toxic thoughts. The ones that keep rambling on your mind before you can even fall asleep and most of the times when you wake up in the morning. Even though maybe sometime someone gives it a home. You’re nothing without someone who allows you to. It’s like you’ve got the power of a second vision that lets you see every single personality that exists in the world but none of them seems to be the matching one. Have your life ever changed in a positively drastic way but you don’t believe it will ever happen again? Just like you’re drowning and you keep thinking that someone will eventually save you but at the same time you hear a voice whispering that that’s not going to happen.

 Worse than that is when you hurt someone taking them for granted and using them as your “safe place” because you feel protected when they’re around. You take advantage of them without giving back simply because you feel you have no reasons to. And then you realize you weren’t the person being deluded but the one who deceived. It was nothing more than selfishness. You’ve became that one person that you once judged, that makes someone cry because of all the broken promises. All because you chose the wrong piece of the puzzle due to your despair. You were just so sick and tired of looking for the right piece... and that feeds all your negativism.

 Even worse is thinking that you don’t deserve your own well-being, at least since you don’t look at the mirror. You look at your reflection and see no reasons for you to be okay, but on the other hand you wish for your life to improve. You wish for self-improvement.

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Tbh i'm surprised Alex, piper and Nicky haven't had a threesome yet

Lmao, fucking same.

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the saddest moment in orange is the new black was when flaca said she was gonna go to a my chemical romance concert when she got out

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same red

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lomorelli: I like the time of year when I go through old photos from set and find stuff like this.

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Poussey’s death

The worst death I've ever seen. It was painful to watch her suffering in silence and can't do nothing to help it. It made me feel lots of things.. Anger, sadness, frustration.. Makes it even sadder thinking that there's people that really went through this. A character like Poussey's it's a character that no one would think would die because people get so attached to her, most of the them tend to think that the person that deserves the most is the one that will have an actual happy ending but we have to face the ugly truth. As Samira once referred in an interview, Poussey shows so much potential, people were hoping for a happy ending for the sweetest character but maybe that would be "predictable". Her death somehow affected our lives just like we knew her for a long time..

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“Love the face God gave you, Suzanne. Black is beautiful. From your hair to your derriere, your nose to your toes. You make all the colors… pop!”

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Quote from the show Orange Is The New Black

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Being Gay But Not Being Out Yet

watching a show with my parents and a gay scene comes on.

Me: *excessively talking over the scene so my parents think I’m completely fine and not enjoying it at all*

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why wouldn’t it be possible to fall in love with a fictional character?

 If it wasn’t I think I wouldn’t be in so much pain lately. I wouldn’t have cried for days like non-stop. And I’m talking about Poussey Washington, yes. I don’t care if it’s a phase because even I don’t know if it is or not and honestly I don’t give a shit. The only thing I know is that I’m all fucked up right now for so many reasons. It’s like you’re getting to know an amazing person you’re falling in love with and that person gets killed the next day in the most horrible way possible, which makes it worse.

 But why wouldn’t it be possible falling in love with her when technically she was a person that could exist in real life? That shit’s hard as fuck to explain but imagine that you’re in love with a person and then suddenly someone says “The person that you love doesn’t exist”. It’s not the same but it can help to understand. I bet there’s lots of people that know what I’m talking about once Poussey was the sweetest character in OITNB and the most loved one.

 To be honest I’m starting to get worried about this thing, about myself. Because the closer I got to “love” was basically having crushes that I always thought I really loved and shit but I didn’t cry for one of them, not even when the person wouldn’t like me back..and then this happens with Poussey? Damn it. I can say I’ve never cried for so long over someone or something.

 Everyone cried over Poussey’s death, some people probably searched “How to get through a fictional character’s death” on Google lmao... All of us got an attachment to her because of her wonderful personality and her beautiful and sweet smile, and I consider it can be that and who knows maybe it is that. But I remember all the times I was watching the serie and realized I couldn’t have her, I’d start crying even before I knew she was going to die. I can’t be the only one feeling this way, right? The moments when she was feeling down and I just wanted to be there with her and tell her everything was going to be okay. Then she finally found Soso and I couldn’t be happier because it was all that she wanted.

 The only “advantage” I can see in this is that when someone asks me what my ideal type is, I can say it’s hers.

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 I feel like I wanted to talk more about this topic but I don’t know if there’s something left to say without repeating myself so. Anyways I’ll be using this new account to express my feelings and share my thoughts so follow me if you’re interested!