thorette

[thorette]

Becoming a parent after having difficult and/or narcissistic parents #6:

You’re going to hear your kid ask you to play with them and you’re going to make the time to play with them <3

[thorette]

Becoming a parent after having difficult and/or narcissistic parents #5:

As your kids grow, you’ll realize that your parents may have sometimes been overstimulated and dealt with it in unhealthy ways. You know you were just a kid doing kid things. So when you’re overstimulated, you know not to take what you kid is doing personally, and you will make better, healthier choices.

[thorette]

I will forever rely on warm comfort drinks

Chai tea bag + lil but of brown sugar + apple cider packet + 16 oz. mug of hot but not quite boiling water

it will not Fix You but like. maybe. maybe.

[thorette]

Becoming a parent after having a narcissistic parent #4:

Therapy and a strong village may be essential to process and/or re-process long forgotten memories that are unlocked, triggered from normal interactions with and observations of your kid(s).

From personal experience—these flashbacks happen all the time. Memories both good and bad are suddenly present, triggered by small things that happen during every day instances. I didn’t realize my brain remembered so many things from my childhood.

[thorette]

It occurred to me that I may have been confused, mistaken, plain wrong, or all three—currently recalculating.

[thorette]

My parents’ problems were not my problem until their problems prevented them from being there for me when I needed them. And that’s not my fault, and that’s not something I can fix, or something I’m obligated to forgive.

[thorette]

Becoming a parent after having a narcissistic parent #3:

Before you have kids, you’re afraid of

NOT being kind

NOT being a good parent

NOT being able to break the cycle.

However, these fears are evidence of self awareness, which leads to recognition and knowledge. With these tools, change is possible YET only if you value yourself and have the confidence that you are better than where you came from.

[thorette]

Becoming a parent after having a narcissistic parent #2:

It’s completely possible to be a healthy parent after suffering under the rule of a toxic parent.

Ask me how I know ♥️

[thorette]

Becoming a parent after having a narcissistic parent:

Parenting is not for everyone, but if you want kids—No one will tell you this— being a parent is so much fun.

[thorette]

Did I live in a haunted house

With tiles cracking like eggshells

Photos on the wall, watching me tiptoe

Up the hallway that grows longer and longer

Hoping I can get to my room before I hear screaming

Ducking to avoid the menacing blow

Promising myself that the house I build when I’m older won’t be haunted

[thorette]

I do not play into your little game.

You may tempt me, but I abstain.

I could step up but I certainly won’t.

It’s ‘damned if I do, damned if I don’t’

It’s not about being stubborn or proud

No matter how I bat I know I’ll strike out.

[thorette]

I had a sudden realization that emotional and fast drivers are trying to metaphorically, emotionally, and/or subconsciously escape something in their life.

Every person I know who drives like a lunatic is trying to escape something-a job, a situation, a person…

It makes more sense the more I think about it.

[thorette]

I had no idea what it meant to be a mother.

But I always wanted it.

I was more eager and enthusiastic than I should have been.

Then I realized I did not want to be my mother.

And still, I wanted to be one.

When I became a mother, I was wary of myself and my mother’s shadow.

Now I am a mother unlike my own.

I don’t know how I did it.

Presently I’m very proud of how far I’ve come.

[thorette]

I want to grow a garden

so I won’t have to tread on brittle ground

there is no need to hide under rocks

no wincing in dread from the heat of the sun

or fear of getting stuck in thorns

plenty of water to nourish my body

all with the help of the one my soul loves

[thorette]

I just want to sit in my garden

breathe in the warmth of the sun

feel the wind dance with my hair

listen to songs of insects’ wings

watch birds work to nourish their nests

smell the morning dew on flower petals

bathe in nature’s beauty

and be alive in this moment

[thorette]

I want to make it clear that awkward moments I experienced decades ago still haunt my idle mind. So don’t worry, it’s not just you.

[thorette]

I can’t believe all my traumatizing childhood experiences never happened and I made it all up.