thissummerisviolent - Tumblr blog

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I HAVE BEEN FUNDAMENTALLY CHANGED BY YOUTUBE FISHING VIDEOS

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-Zoë Lianne

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I drew an animation based on a piece by @malatalia_ 

Stills dyed in indigo using the katazome method by @malatalia_

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summertime sadness (every summer carries the ghosts of all the summers that precede it)

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I’ve been trying to learn how to take up space and it’s not going super well. It’s come to the point where I’m questioning if it was a good idea to get into a relationship so soon after realizing I was happy not being in one.

It’s like I don’t have the best handle on my emotions, I am not the stable one in relationship. I’d like to be the rock but I don’t think I am. I think what I, trying to say is I need to work on myself more (my confidence, emotions, and self image) before I’m able to be fully present in a healthy relationship. It doesn’t help that I feel like there’s so much pressure because of how bad things have been in the past. And I can’t communicate !!!!!!!!

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It’s genuinely suffocating being a queer kid with homophobic parents. And it’s even worse when I can’t talk about this with anyone because everyone I know has accepting parents. Good grief what do you mean you didn’t have to worry about your parents sending you to a conversion camp ???

It’s so aweful when even the most “progressive” members of my family are still homophobic, like use gay as an insult and flinch at the mention of pride parades. These are the people I used to dream about coming out to! It hurts so much and I feel so alone. The queer experience baby !

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This Summer is Violent

This is the private vent blog of @/ [*>{>![>&. I might post art eventually. 18+

Heatwaves- Talk Tag

Blue period- art tag

87 degrees- Night posting

102 degrees- Day posting

Family Jewels- parent tag

No Children- partner tag

I wish you were a girl- Gay tag

Sayaka because

Dividers by: @/ sseuda

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see I’ve got to figure out a healthy way to works round this or this ain’t going to work out.

I’ve got to set more boundaries, and clarify when things hurt me because they do, alot. But that begs the question is it worth staying in a relationship which hurts, when I could just not hurt. Sure there must be some benefits, but right now all I can think about is, it makes them happy.

And is it even worth it when half the time it’s just rhythms, just repetitions I can say on autopilots not even really meaning it ? I need to sit and think on this more, once again discuss. I fear I was too hasty with this (once again because I knew it would hurt them if I hesitated). I probably should not have gotten into a relationship in this state.