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Ooo Baby Baby: Sex After Baby

Photo by Jenna Norman on Unsplash

Let’s talk about a sensitive and sometimes daunting topic that’s on top of a new mom’s mind: what it will feel like to have sex after having a baby.

After the Salt N Pepa song “push it…push it real good”, if you’re a new Mom (and you’ve taken that song quite literally) you might be thinking; “Well I pushed…now what?”

On average, it can take up to six weeks or more to get an ok from your doctor to have sex again. But just because physically you might be ready, it doesn’t mean the rest of you is. Here are 5 things that you should know, based on our conversations with real Moms about their experiences with postpartum sex.

5 Tips for Sex After Having a Baby

Think of a memory of something that turned you on in the past. Sometimes when dealing with any kind of sadness (depression, anxiety, or stress related) when we think of a good memory, it can help bring us out of our current negative headspace. If you worry about feeling turned on, try thinking about a past romp or a naughty fantasy you used to have. Close your eyes and let yourself be fully immersed in it. This is sure help start that fire burn down below again. And don’t forget to share it with your partner.

Explore yourself first. Your body has changed in a big way. As a result of this, you may be afraid to fully let go and allow another person to touch you. And that’s ok. Touch yourself first and explore what feels good and what doesn’t. Do you enjoy being touched in a different place or in a different way now? Then use this information to communicate to your partner where the “go-zones” are. To get your free video debunking one of the largest pregnancy myths, sign up to our newsletter.

Try new positions. The women we spoke to all said they were not fans of doggy style before having a child. But when they started to have sex after a baby, suddenly the angle that doggy provided made the experience so much more enjoyable. Find what works for you!

Foreplay is even more important than before. It’s no secret that adequate arousal is the key in women having the best sex possible. But for sex after having a baby, that becomes even more crucial as both your body and mind have gone through significant changes. Physically you must combat hormone imbalances, tender breasts, and healing wounds. Mentally, new Moms often feel tired, sad, and overwhelmed (which are all normal). So take your time. Let him explore your body (and have fun exploring his). Get used to new sensations that are occurring in spots that possibly didn’t do anything for you previously. And most of all, don’t worry so much. Anxiety will only deter you from fully being related and able to enjoy the moment.

Plan but don’t plan. You will “quickly” find that quickies become the new norm with a newborn in the house. However, there are little ways to make those speedy sex-sessions ones to remember. Make little notes with role-playing scenarios on one side and sex acts on the other. Leave them hidden in different rooms and when you have a quick moment with your partner to get it done, find the paper and let the “show” begin!

Know that when it’s right, sex after having a baby will be right. It will be different and might seem daunting at first. But be brave, be beautiful, and be you. This new life phase is just another powerful step in your sexual journey.  So embrace it, you sexy mama you!

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The Best Natural Remedy For Cold and Flu

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Do you feel like cold and flu are always lurking around the corner, with the stress from the job, your relationship or the lack thereof, and a hundred other things we call ‘life’? Are you always stockpiling vitamins and scurrying away from anyone suspiciously coughing in the street, no matter what time of year it is?

Research on the efficacy of binging on vitamin C and Echinacea to fight off cold and flu is mixed, but few people realize that they have an undisputed defense weapon in their corner – sex! OK, I know that many people will roll their eyes at this claim. But similarly to stress, the link between orgasms and health is very well understood and backed by extensive scientific research. So take note – and this includes you, gym rats and salad eaters – because enjoying frequent orgasms, whether with a partner or from masturbation, might just be one of the healthiest things you could do for yourself.

Here’s how a good dose of sex can help you during the cold and flu season, whether you like to take it over the counter or have it administered in bed.

Active Ingredients

While you are busy enjoying the moment, your body is busy running side processes that boost your main defense shield – the immune system.

Experiments conducted by the Swiss neuroimmunologist Manfred Schedlowski revealed that the number of phagocytes – important defenders of the immune system that can recognize and destroy infected cells – increase by 50% after an orgasm.

By depriving yourself of sexual release, you put yourself at risk of a whole range of illnesses and disorders.

His colleagues at Wilkes University in Pennsylvania also found a link between sexual activity and the production of immunoglobulin A, which protects mucous membranes and neutralizes viruses and toxins. According to their research, having sex 1-2 times a week will likely increase the level of these flu fighting antibodies in your body by almost 30%.

The levels of oxytocin and endorphin – the “happiness hormones” that have an analgesic effect, stimulate tissue healing, and help cope with insomnia – spike exponentially during orgasm.

Dopamine – the “pleasure hormone” actively produced during sex – helps alleviate stress and anxiety which are strong contributors to succumbing to cold and flu.

Regular sex also strengthens the cardiovascular system, reducing the risk of heart attacks and strokes. It’s a great aerobic exercise (especially if you really go at it!) that nourishes the body with oxygen and works out your respiratory organs, ultimately helping to prevent respiratory illnesses.

Secondary Benefits

The immune system is important and all. But ladies, let’s be honest – for us, nothing trumps vanity. Let’s not forget how sex is a wonderful beauty remedy. Not only can it help you lose weight, it also helps keep your skin youthful thanks to the strong release of the “youth hormone” DHEA.

A regular dose of sex is also extremely beneficial for women as it helps strengthen the pelvic floor muscles and improves reproductive function.

And finally, regular sex helps improve self-esteem and strengthens the bond between partners. What other medication does that?

The therapeutic effect of sex is not limited to regular sex with a partner or vaginal orgasm.

The main trigger behind the positive health effect of sex is pleasure, and it doesn’t matter whether you experience it through stimulating the clitoris or the G-spot, manually, orally, or with your favorite sex toy.

Sex with your loved one will likely bring you the best physiological and emotional release. But if you are single or cannot be with your partner, go ahead and self-medicate.

For example, you could use a vibrator. As an added bonus, if your favorite sex toy comes with a myostimulation feature, it will supplement the immune system boost with pelvic floor training.

This goes out to women of ALL ages: we can’t overstate the importance of pelvic muscle training for keeping things tight and sexy!

Just like it’s foolish to expect to reap the benefits of fitness from visiting the gym only a few times a year, the positive health benefits of sex are strongest when enjoyed regularly. Research opinions differ with regards to the optimal frequency, but most agree that sex is a drug best taken a minimum of 1-2 times a week.

Side Effects

Unlike most drugs and even vitamins, the side effects of sex on a healthy body are overwhelmingly positive.

Like vaccination, this medication is best taken by a healthy person. If pesky viruses have already attacked your body, use caution when taking this medication. Aside from the risk of infecting your partner, sex during a serious illness can affect your heart, increase inflammation, and further weaken your immune system.

However, if you have a mild cold and no fever, sex could be good for you as it activates the body’s defenses, ventilates the lungs, and helps reduce aches and pains. Just keep in mind not to expose your weakened body to an Olympic-style sex marathon.

Overdose

Unless you have health issues, you can’t overdose on this medication. You can take as much as you like, as often as you like. Well, that is as long as your passion for sex doesn’t cross the line where it starts exhausting your body, leads to unsafe behavior, or gets in the way of going to work.

There is one exception to the latter: playing hooky occasionally to boost your immune system might be just what the doctor ordered.

Vaccine Exemption

Giving up all sexual activity, just like avoiding vaccination, is a choice.

It is worth remembering that by depriving yourself of sexual release, you not only deprive yourself of the beauty of intimacy, but you also put yourself at risk of a whole range of illnesses and disorders.

Complete abstinence in women can cause blood stagnation in the pelvic organs and loss of sensitivity in the erogenous zones. It can also worsen menopause symptoms and contribute to a variety of gynecological diseases including uterine prolapse.

Meanwhile, for men there is an increased risk of prostatitis and erectile dysfunction.

In both genders, in addition to reducing the body’s overall stamina, a lack of sexual activity can cause neurosis, fatigue, and low self-esteem. Multiple studies have shown that a lack of regular sex can lead to premature aging and shorter life expectancy.

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Why You Feel Hornier in the Spring and What to Do About It

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Spring is a time of awakening, and your sex drive in the spring follows suit. The flowers bloom, the grass starts to grow again and you may feel an intense need to get it on! Have you ever wondered why you tend to feel a bit more, ahem, spry in the spring months? Well, we’re all a bunch of mammals – albeit well-dressed ones – and a change of the seasons brings more with it than the sunshine. Spring actually has an impact on your hormones as well as your mood, and while we’re not entirely slaves to our base desires, we may feel a little more passionate in the springtime. Let’s explore what happens to your sex drive in the spring, shall we?

It’s Chemical, Baby

We’re nothing if not honest, so we won’t sugarcoat the fact that we’re all just giant sacks of chemicals. Every single thing we do is driven by chemical reactions. Don’t get us wrong – we make chemical reactions look good. But, that doesn’t change the truth.

We see no reason to get into all the technical stuff, this isn’t high school chemistry, but suffice to say that all that sunshine in the spring has an impact on the chemicals your body releases such as melatonin and testosterone. They impact your mood, your libido, and even the pheromones that attract you to other people (and make people attracted to you). To put it simply: You’re happier and hornier when the weather outside is nice and the sun is shining, all thanks to your internal chemistry.

Now you might be thinking “Sure, but my partner doesn’t seem much hornier – it’s just me!”. To that, we’d say you’re absolutely correct. Men tend to maintain a pretty even level of sex hormones in their bodies throughout the year, which is why it seems like they’re always feeling a little amorous. Women, on the other hand, are much more complex (duh!). Women’s hormones are more influenced by outside forces like the weather. So, it’s not just in your head that when the sun is shining you’re feeling a little more hot to trot than your partner. Now the question is, what do you do with all this new found sexual energy in the spring?

Find the New You

Now that the sun is out and spring is here, you’re definitely feeling thirsty. You’ve ditched your winter coat and all those layers and you are ready to show some skin.

This makes it the perfect time of year to give yourself a little makeover because you’re feeling good, you’re feeling attractive, and you’re feeling in the mood for love. And there’s no doubt people are noticing.

Use this boost to try something new. Find a new hobby, maybe ditch the job you hate and find a new one, create a new dating profile online, exercise more, or even buy some new sex toys for your bedside drawer. You need to learn to use the gifts this season has sent you. Harness these hormones and use them to help you understand just how fabulous you really are because life has some great things just waiting around the corner. For all you know, Jake Gyllenhaal could be right around that corner, and he’s single.

The Springtime of Your Love

If you’ve already got a Jake Gyllenhaal of your very own, then harness all this springtime energy to get out of your sexual rut. All couples get stuck and revert to old habits, it’s hard not to. And let’s face it, doggy style is pretty awesome. But, it’s time to branch out to create a little more excitement in the sex department. Here are a few of our favorite ideas: buying some super sexy lingerie, getting some really fun sex games or making up your own, or buying a new book of sexual positions to try.

Harness the springtime energy to get out of the your sexual rut.

Here’s the thing: No one is going to take control of the situation for you, so saddle up! Channel some of that newfound sexual energy into your bedroom (or the car, or the kitchen, or the backyard) and give your stagnant sexual relations a lift. Remember, relationships tend to naturally lose their spark over time, so view spring as the perfect time to rev up your sexual connection! All you have to do is take control, and believe us when we say that he will follow.

The only warning we’ll give you is this: If you don’t stoke the fires of your passion with your partner, then it will only get more difficult to revive as time passes. Sexual dissatisfaction is the number one cause of failed marriages, so try to use the natural change in the seasons as a reminder to rev up your sexy time and use that natural boost in love hormones to springboard into better sex and a better, renewed connection with your partner. You can view it as renewing your wedding vows every year!

What If You’re Not Feeling It?

For some people, springtime doesn’t bring an energetic sexual boost. For some, it actually has the opposite effect. If this sounds familiar, then you need to follow this sage advice: Fake it until you make it. Seriously! Go ahead and try out the new outfits, the new job, the new hobbies, and the renewed interest in sex with your partner until your body catches up. If you have more sex, then it will lead to a boost of pick-me-up hormones that can help you to feel better. It’s chemistry!

Faking an increased interest in sex may make you feel a little strange at first, but psychologists are in agreement that the more you have sex, the more you’ll want to have it. Sex is just like most other things in life – if you make an effort to make it a part of your routine, then it’ll eventually become a habit – and your relationship will a be better one for it!

You can also try adding foods to your diet that will help your body’s chemistry to improve and boost your sex drive in the spring. Foods like dark chocolate (yay!), eggs, dairy, and legumes can help your body to release feel-good hormones that can help to boost your mood. Remember, healthy foods will help you, Ben and Jerry’s won’t, even if it tastes like heaven. Not to mention, spring offers you many seasonal fruits and vegetables that are packed with nutrition. Hit your local farmer’s market for broccoli, corn, artichokes, spinach, strawberries, blueberries, and oranges!

So, what are you waiting for? Spring has sprung and it’s calling you to get out there, put on those cute new shorts, strut your stuff and try new things, both in the bedroom and out! Take advantage of that blooming sex drive in the spring!

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5 Things You Should Know About Your Gynecologist Appointment

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It’s that time of year again! We’re going on a trip. No I’m not talking about your long overdue yearly vacation to Hawaii. I’m talking about your other yearly trip; to the gynecologist.

For many women the acronym OBGYN can be as off-putting as PMS. But it’s an important aspect of taking care of our health. Sometimes a woman may have had a bad experience with a doctor, and so they put off going to another one for many years.

There are numerous reasons for why and when a woman sees a gynecologist. Most commonly it’s for their yearly pap smear. I was 13 when I first had to see a gynecologist. I was experiencing irregular periods, which later doctors found out was caused by polycystic ovarian syndrome which I battled for many years.

For me, my OBGYN visits evolved from health issue as a young girl, then to sex, and then my regular yearly checkups. I’ve experienced many types of exams and seen many different OBGYNs. Some were wonderful and some were awful. 

Women’s attitudes towards their visits vary. Some express fear, while others find it relaxing. I asked several women recently about what they liked and didn’t like about going to the gynecologist. Their answers ranged from, “I feel like I’m going to accidentally close my legs in on the doctors head” to “It’s just so cold.” One woman commented, “My favorite thing about going to the gynecologist is weeks later when I get the results that everything is normal!”

We women are complicated creatures, aren’t we? Especially when it comes to the medical examination of our genitals. For example, why do most of us find it so important to shave our legs and fold our underwear so neatly before our gynecologist comes in the examination room? I don’t know if most of us fold our socks when seeing an orthopedic doctor.

For one reason or another, some women still just fear going to the doctor, and especially this doctor. But there are issues greater than just our sex lives to consider when needing to go visit a gynecologist. There could be problems brewing such as issues with our pelvic floor or an asymptomatic STD. In these cases, as with anything health related, seeing a doctor regularly to discuss any issues you have can put you on the road to stopping something greater from happening later on in life.

Fortunately for me, after having to see a gynecologist early in my life, I was pretty comfortable being able to talk to my OBGYN about almost anything when it came to my body. But for some women, there’s still so much anxiety that surrounds going to see this doctor.

Regardless of what your personal feelings about or experiences with gynecologists have been in the past, here are some tips for making sure your OBGYN visit is one you don’t have to dread.

Know What to Expect

If it’s your first time visiting an OBGYN, regardless of your age or reason, be sure to let your doctor know. If you’re nervous about what something might feel like, they will be able to put you at ease.

The first time I was examined as a young teen I was very nervous (as would anyone having something very shiny placed in their nether regions).  Relaxing our muscles and not clenching will make the exam less uncomfortable, which is why not being nervous is key. My first doctor kept telling me to relax and that I wouldn’t feel pain. She was also extra gentle.

Having other types of exams and procedures over the years, I always communicated any nerves to my doctor and their assurance that I’d feel fine was a huge assist to the experience. Our doctors are not there to hurt us. And a caring OBGYN will go that extra mile to make you feel as comfortable as they can when you’re experiencing something new.

Welcome the Difference in Doctor’s Attitude

If you had a not-so-great doctor who left you feeling frustrated or uncomfortable, don’t let that one person affect you finding the right doctor for you. Some doctors have a certain bedside manner that is off-putting. They are very well educated and experienced, but when it comes to connecting with patients they might as well be yelling at them in an ancient made-up alien language.

Some doctors, on the other hand, are so talkative and overly personable that you only end up spending thirty seconds talking about your issue and forgetting to address any other issues you may be experiencing.

I have experienced both of these scenarios as well as two gynecologists who were incredibly rude and made me feel bad about my body. But nevertheless, my health was important to me. How I felt as a woman was important. And once I found the right doctor, everything fell into place.

Choose the Right Sex of Doctor For You

Many women would argue the pros and cons of a female gynecologist versus a male gynecologist. Some women feel that only a woman doctor can relate to their issues because we share the same anatomy. While others feel male doctors might have more empathy for our issues since they don’t experience it themselves (i.e. sympathy when we’re on our periods).

No one is wrong in how they feel. Regardless of the sex of the doctor, it’s important that you feel comfortable with them and that you’re well treated. Communication is the most important thing with any doctor and especially when it comes to discussing an intimate topic like sex. So having someone you can be open with is key.

Stand Your Ground When Needed

If you’ve had a terrible experience with a certain treatment method such as a medication (I have gone through many birth control snafus in my day), it’s important that you be able to get your doctor to understand why you simply do not feel good about their suggested method.

There is a time to trust a doctor’s expertise and give something a try, but then there are times when you need to speak up about what you’re personally experiencing. Sometimes if a doctor has never used something (like a medication), they may only be treating the patient based off of the statistics on the effectiveness of a treatment. So while one medication might work and have no side effects for some women, you might be the exception. And if that’s true, then it’s up to you to stress why you’d like to find an alternative option. Let your voice be heard.

Laugh

Having your legs spread apart while a doctor sticks their head between them can seem incredibly awkward. For me, finding the humor in the situation to be extremely comforting.

I have a twisted sense of humor so many times I’ve cracked a joke prior to my doctor heading down there as an icebreaker and as a way to keep my own nerves at bay.

However, I suggest not making a joke (especially the laugh out loud kind) while your doctor is actually doing their thing, for obvious reasons. There’s no need for you to practice your standup routine while your doc is trying to focus with tools and hands inside you.

In life, a little humor never hurt anybody. Just don’t fart. Or do, just make sure your gas related humor is on point. And definitely apologize.

In Conclusion

My advice to you is have no fear when it comes to your OBGYN visits! No matter what age you are or what your reason is for visiting a gynecologist, feeling comfortable is crucial to a beneficial visit.

Don’t let negative past experiences or fears of the unknown deter you from taking your health seriously. Your doctor is there to help, and trust us, they’ve seen and heard it all. Countless times. As long as you don’t let one rip, you’re fine. Although come to think of it, they’ve likely had that one happen once or twice too.

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Can You Make Consent Sexy?

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With the long overdue Hollywood reckoning of sexual transgressors and the Me Too Movement, both men and women are asking themselves deeper questions about sexual consent. What is consent anyway and how could it possibly be sexy?

We applaud Planned Parenthood’s clear guidelines on this issue. The information and the videos they provide are more realistic (and less cheesy) than your average “How To” video. But that’s exactly what these videos provide: a straightforward ‘how to’ on communicating sexual consent in different situations.  

Here are the basics of consent as listed on Planned Parenthood’s Website.

Consent is:

Freely given. Consenting is a choice you make without pressure, manipulation, or under the influence of drugs or alcohol.

Reversible. Anyone can change their mind about what they feel like doing, anytime. Even if you’ve done it before, and even if you’re both naked in bed.

Informed. You can only consent to something if you have the full story. For example, if someone says they’ll use a condom and then they don’t, there isn’t full consent.

Enthusiastic. When it comes to sex, you should only do stuff you WANT to do, not things that you feel you’re expected to do.

Specific. Saying yes to one thing (like going to the bedroom to make out) doesn’t mean you’ve said yes to others (like having sex).

We endorse sexual encounters where both parties are enthusiastic and engaged in the experience. Having sexual consent means that all partners involved are really into what’s going on. If you’re not sure about your partner’s downward glance or subtle shift away from your touch, all you have to do is check in. It’s as simple as asking, “Are you okay with this?” and being okay with their response whether they’re into it or not.

Respecting someone’s boundaries is crucial in building healthy, satisfying relationships. Do you know what’s not sexy? Someone being pushy, manipulative and aggressive both verbally and physically. This is a one-way ticket to Bad Sex City or worse.

In fact, according to Planned Parenthood, having any sexual contact without consent is considered sexual assault or rape. Silence is not consent. If someone is drunk, high or passed out, it is not okay to have sexual contact with them.

If you’re in a long-term relationship and you’re giving each other the silent treatment or you feel frozen or unenthusiastic about sex, pay attention. There’s always a reason for what’s coming up for you. It could be a physical or psychological issue, or a flag that something is out of whack in your broader relationship.

We recommend seeking more education, or even therapy, about yourself and your body as well as your relationship. Our Ladies Come First masterclass addresses some of the issues that could be impacting a woman’s interest in sex; The Men by Design masterclass discusses what could be impacting his enthusiasm for sex. For women and couples over 50, The Mature Woman’s Guide to Sexual Health and Relationships delves deep into common psychological and sexual issues impacting more mature couples.

Have you ever thought that negotiating consent can be sexy? Showing someone where you want to be touched, for example. Saying to your partner, “I really want to kiss you right now!” Consent doesn’t have to be phrased in a form of a question, for example “May I kiss you?”, which may sound awkward to some people. We give people ideas for how to gain consent in sexy and playful ways that keep the passion alive in our Men by Design masterclass and our upcoming class on dating. 

Communication is key to good sex. Talking about sex can be a turn on! Talk about it before you get into bed with someone. Usually, you can tell if someone is pushy before any clothes come off. Know your boundaries. How far are you willing to go with someone you just met? What are you comfortable with? Maybe it’s just waist up foreplay on the first date!

Spending time with someone is key to getting to know them. Delay as much as possible so you have time to define your boundaries. If you’ve taken any of our masterclasses, you know that creating anticipation in the bedroom will strengthen anyone’s orgasm a hundred fold….if you so choose!

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What No One Tells You About Kegel Exercises and the Pelvic Floor

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I think kegels is kind of a cute word that most all women have heard or read about at some point in their adult life. Kegel exercises and pelvic floor muscles are a staple of the women’s magazines. What about this word — Yarlap? Ever heard of it? I’ll get to this funny, yet relevant word in a bit, so keep reading. Let’s get back to kegels….and my personal experience with this topic.

Kegels, kegels…kegels?

Most women have some notion of how kegel exercises relate to pelvic floor training and that according to a lot of the magazines out there, they should be doing kegels as much as humanly possible — kegels on the subway, kegels in line at Starbucks, kegels waiting to cross the street, you name it. Ugh, I’m exhausted just typing all that!

Cheekiness aside, kegel exercises are meant to build pelvic floor muscles. The problem with kegel exercises is that they are largely ineffective for most women. If you’ve taken our Ladies Come First masterclass, you understand why I’m telling you this. Most people do kegels incorrectly because it is difficult to isolate muscles that aren’t used very often. Also, I don’t know anyone who has the patience to be doing kegels 24/7, which is about how often you’d need to do them to see meaningful results.

For women, the pelvic floor is the foundation that holds all of the organs in our pelvic cavity securely in place. Things like aging, pregnancy, childbirth, carrying heavy things, even exercising can contribute to putting pressure on the pelvic floor which weakens it over time.

Signs that your pelvic floor is weakening could include queefs early on and later down the road having to wear pads to absorb the urine that gets expelled when you laugh, sneeze or cough. When your pelvic foundation is very weak, pelvic organs like the uterus begin to slip and can even fall out of the vaginal opening or the rectum. Stories like these are not often shared among women, but they are serious issues that a lot of women face when their foundation is crumbling.

Oh, and how could I forget? A weak pelvic floor also reduces sexual pleasure for you and for him!

Consider a modern alternative to the old-fashioned kegel exercises.

Are you clenching down there like your life depended on it as you’re reading this article? Relax for a minute or 15! There’s a better solution out there that suits the modern woman’s lifestyle: Yarlap! (I told you I’d get to it later!)

Yarlap is an FDA approved, very handy and effective device that does all the work for you in training your pelvic floor. It’s an electric stimulator that contracts and releases that muscle group while you lay down in your bed or on the couch and watch Netflix. Yarlap does the kegels for you! By stimulating your pelvic muscles, it sends a message to your brain. This message strengthens the neural pathway, making it easier to squeeze these muscles on command during sex. Hooray! No more guilt over a kegel-less day at the office!

I’ve been using Yarlap for 3 months now on a regular basis. I love my special Yarlap time! It’s a chance for me to relax and give attention to one of my most valued muscle groups that don’t otherwise get attention. I have noticed lots of benefits in training my pelvic floor:

Ability to contract my muscles down there at a rapid pace, making orgasms so much easier and more intense!

A fullness feeling during vaginal penetration, feeling all the beautiful ridges of the penis again.

My partner’s pleasure has increased a lot by my observation.

And bonus… my periods have gotten shorter!

I’m in my 30’s, and I started using Yarlap as a prevention tool for incontinence and prolapse issues because after doing my research, I felt like kegels were not going to cut it. But the truth is, it’s never too early or late to start training your pelvic floor. Ladies, if it’s not Yarlap, please figure out a pelvic floor training regimen that works for you. Your health and your orgasms are so worth it!

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3 Ways to Become More Feminine, Radiant and Irresistible

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Femininity is not just for females. Both sexes possess masculine and feminine energies. So, what is true femininity and how do you become more feminine and radiant to transform into an irresistible goddess?

This is a question for women of any age, whether you’re dating or in a committed relationship for decades, because the kind of femininity I am referring to has nothing to do with how you look or what stage of life you are in. It has to do with your essence and vibe as a woman.

One thought is that true femininity is all about openness. But how can anyone be expected to remain open in a masculine driven culture that demands us to be ‘human doings’ rather than ‘human beings’?

In the process of female empowerment, women have had to don masculine armoring that shields their vulnerability. Modern women face many challenges to their femininity that get in the way of their pursuit of happiness in life, love and relationships. They are often ashamed to express confusion over their own anatomy, relationship struggles and unsatisfying sex lives.

So how can we take steps to open and therefore strengthen our feminine energy and radiance? We like to think of it as the 3 C’s that you can adopt starting today to become irresistible.

1) Connect with others by opening up and sharing about your struggles. This can empower others to do the same and lift you out of isolation by discovering that you are not alone.

2) Be curious and keep learning. Being curious is a dynamic quality to adopt and crucial for living in an ever-changing world. Curiosity keeps us flexible. The less curious we are, the more stuck and rigid we become in our beliefs.

3) Continue to soften even through hard times. By softening, you allow your feelings as they come and love yourself through all kinds of weather.

Cultivating this willingness to be vulnerable takes strength. In fact, it takes more strength than turning away from intimacy, closing off our hearts and putting up walls. The wonderful thing about modern women of today is that they are resilient, self-aware and practical. Don’t you think it’s time for a modern woman’s feminine energy to radiate like the sun?

To learn more about how to become a modern goddess that radiates youthfulness and feminine energy, come to our masterclass:

Ladies Come First

.At The V. Club we break down damaging myths about the female anatomy, intimacy and relationship pitfalls. Our masterclasses provide powerful strategies that can be applied immediately to enhance your relationship and sexual experiences so you can have the love life you deserve.

Be vulnerable, take a risk and learn something new. That is how you can become more feminine and radiant, a truly irresistible woman. We’ll see you at The V. Club.

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Romance Novels Can Wreak Havoc on Your Sex Life: Here’s How

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Romance novels can wreak havoc on our sex life. But probably not in the way that you think.

Romance novels serve their purpose for sure. They can make for quite a pleasant afternoon by the pool or for a night in your favorite pair of sweats with a pint of ice cream. They can also get you in the mood, which is especially helpful for women in long-term relationships as they often see their sex drive decline as compared to women who are dating.

But romance novels can create problems too. Setting unrealistic expectations is one; another is the introduction of the inappropriate metaphor, or softer language, into how you express your sexual needs to your partner.

Talking about sex is hard. (Pun intended) We never learn how to ask for what we want in bed. The first time we hear the language of sex and desire is either during the act itself or, for many of us, through romance novels like one of the Danielle Steel books or 50 Shades of Gray.

The language we read in romance novels is not a DIY guide for how to talk about sex with our partner that some women use it for. Expressions like “swollen staff,” “pulsing core,” “petal-soft folds of womanhood” should not be used to tell your guy what you want him to do in bed.

The language you use to communicate your sexual needs to your partner matters. A lot.

Sure, I picked the funniest examples, but the usage of soft and unclear language is a serious issue that is very detrimental to sexual satisfaction. I see it often in my practice, especially in women who had a conservative upbringing and women over 50 who didn’t grow up with the sexual openness seen in the younger generations raised on the internet.

Embrace Real Language When Discussing Sex

We must embrace real language if we want to teach our partner how we like to be touched. Penis. Clitoris. Vagina. We are all grown-ups here, and we need to use these grown-up words.

Telling him, “I’d like you to rub my clitoris in a circular motion,” would make many women blush. However, it’s clear language like this that gets the job done. It may make you more comfortable to use softer language, but that may only confuse your partner and detract from the seriousness of the conversation.

Men are not mind readers in bed (and neither are women). So if you are using romance novel lingo or softer language that he has no clue about, your partner will simply continue to miss the spot when you have sex. You don’t have to make it sound clinical, but your instructions should be crystal clear.

Don’t get me wrong, there is a time and a place for talking about Thor’s hammer and how it can be used on your Valhalla, but that place is not in a serious conversation where you want to show your partner how your body works.  So enjoy romance novels for what they are but don’t let them wreak havoc on your sex life.

If you are not sure how to communicate your sexual needs to your partner, you can look into individual coaching or one of our classes. Remember that you can enjoy fulfilling sex and strong and frequent orgasms at any age if you give yourself permission to learn more about your body and to ask for what gives you pleasure.

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5 Reasons You Should Have Sex for More Than Just Pleasure

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When’s the last time your OBGYN prescribed you with more orgasms to improve your health? According to the science, she should!

There are few things in life that both feel amazing and are amazing for you, and in unlimited quantities.

Besides the obvious reasons to orgasm regularly (hello pleasure town!), there are 5 Secret Health Benefits to that big “O” that you should know:

They keep colds at bay. Studies have shown that sexual arousal and orgasm increase the number of calls in your blood that fight infection. So, an orgasm can help to support a healthy immune system.

They improve your sleep. You spend one-third of your life snoozing and most of us need 7-8 hours to function at our highest level but few of us are getting it! Ever jealous of the way your partner falls asleep after orgasm? That can be you, too!The more endorphins released during orgasm, the better you’ll sleep. They can also make you look more beautiful. Seriously!

They can help manage pain. Orgasms have been found to help relieve pain associated with conditions such as arthritis. The release of oxytocin during sex is responsible for this brief respite from pain.

They increase brain power. Orgasms have been found to increase blood flow to the brain, increasing cognitive function. Who says you can’t be sexy and smart?

You can live longer. Did you know you are less likely to die suddenly if you have frequent orgasms? About 50% less likely. Forget the kale salad, time to step on that orgasm train!

We hope these secret health benefits encourage you to have more orgasms in your life, whether through solo play or with your partner.

Unfortunately, many women have difficulty reaching orgasm during sex even with clitoral stimulation. Vaginal orgasm is not available to them altogether.

If you want to learn simple strategies for how to have more orgasms, and get a step-by-step guide to awakening your G-spot so you can experience the elusive vaginal orgasms, come to our masterclass Ladies Come First.

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5 Ways to Be More Affectionate

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Affection can come in a variety of forms – touch, a nice gesture, a thoughtful question, just to name a few. Do you know which form of affection your partner appreciates most? And how much do you really care?

Unless you put the object of your affection through Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages test, you should assume that your partner needs a little bit of every kind. Sprinkle it on them throughout the day, every day. Why? Because like trust and sex, affection is an essential element of a happy lasting relationship.

We are not talking a lasting relationship where you feel stuck together because of shared rent payments, children, or inertia. The majority of longterm relationships meet that plight.

We are talking about deliberately using affection to create an awesome union where you can’t wait to jump in the sack at the end of the day after you’ve been together for many years.

For those of you who are still not sold on the importance of affection, or whose parents were not affectionate so you feel that showing affection is not in your DNA, we’ve put together a list of 5 ways to be affectionate that will give you the best bang for your buck:

Touch

This is the most fundamental way of showing affection. A quick hug in the morning, holding hands even briefly on your way to dinner… Get your creative juices flowing – surely you can find one or two ways to be tactile with your partner out of the bedroom.

Physically touching your partner increases both your levels of oxytocin which is the hormone that turns us into big loving softees. You can even buy an oxytocin spray to boost your levels artificially! But be careful not to overdo it – excessive touchy-feeliness can quickly turn from cute to clingy.

(Small) Thoughtful Gestures

It’s easier said than done for many folks, but boy, this form of affection goes a long way, especially with women. Again, the sky is the limit here — just a small thoughtful gesture will do. “Oh, babe, you remembered how I thought this coffee mug in the store window is cute so you bought it for me.” Boom. You are golden for a few weeks, maybe months.

Kissing

It’s a form of touching of course, but we think it deserves its own place on this list. Studies have shown than regular makeout sessions seriously boost intimacy between partners.

Unfortunately kissing usually falls by the wayside in longterm relationships. We are not just talking about an impromptu makeout session while making dinner together. Some longterm couples don’t even kiss when they have sex! Wam, bam, thank you m’am is often the name of the game in a longterm relationship. Bring kissing back!

Ask Questions and Listen to the Answer (Or at Least Pretend To)

Verbal affection goes a long way. Asking a simple question about your partner’s day or checking in about how something may have affected them can be as effective as touch in making your partner feel loved.

Just remember to let your better half actually answer the question! If your partner likes to be verbose, we will excuse you if your mind wonders a little to, say, football? (Insert your favorite sport here.) We are all human after all.

Verbal affection makes your partner feel understood, which is the best gift you could give someone. (Yes, it’s even better than sex.) Just think about it.

Foreplay

OK, admittedly, adding foreplay to this Affection’s Greatest Hits list is gratuitous — our masterclasses teach how you can have the best communication and sex with your partner, the two things that underlie successful lasting relationships, after all. Be as it may, here is why we feel that foreplay more than earned its right to be here.

Similar to kissing, foreplay falls by the wayside the longer you stay together. Many people we talk to, both men and women, don’t much subscribe to the idea of foreplay altogether. It’s all about the main event for them.

But what you do right before intercourse (and right after it as well) is what actually determines how sexually satisfied you feel about the sexual experience. That has been demonstrated by numerous studies. And who are we to argue with science?

In Conclusion

Here is our daily prescription for happy lasting love:

Start the morning with a hug and kiss, enquire about your partner’s day after work (and actually let them answer), throw in a small thoughtful gesture (ok, this one you don’t have to do daily but often enough). Then finish your day with a drawn out foreplay session followed by awesome sex.

Rinse and repeat.

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5 Things Underrated in Sex

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Are you sick of being bored to death in the bedroom?

Back in our late teens and early 20s, sex is new and exciting. But once you have been around the block a decade or two, you know what to expect. Maybe some light foreplay, followed by intercourse with 2-3 different positions – if you’re lucky– and then that glorious finish…which is most commonly experienced by the man. Sorry, ladies, it’s true.

Yes, sex does become routine after a while. However, it doesn’t have to be this way! Despite how it may feel sometimes, we are in control of our own experiences AND we deserve to have surprising and exciting sex, not just in our 20s, but into our 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond.

With that said, we have surveyed the masterclass educators at The V. Club and it’s our pleasure to offer you the 5 Things Underrated in Sex, which you can use to spice up your love life.

Scrotum aka “The Balls”. Yes, yes. We know. The balls can be confusing and kind of a scary subject. Touch them the wrong way and we risk getting the boot from our guy for that evening while he recovers from the injury. This is why many women don’t venture down there at all! Such a shame.The balls are incredibly sensitive for many men and have several distinct erogenous zones. To give your guy maximum pleasure, it is critical to incorporate the scrotum in foreplay and even during the main event. We talk about how to do this in our masterclass, Men by Design: His Body, Your Knowledge. Just remember, don’t forget those balls!

Date Night. Just like sex, date night can become routine too. He picks a restaurant, you show up, you talk about your days – maybe you have dessert, maybe you don’t. YAWN! Then you go back to your place and maybe, just maybe, you have sub-par sex. Like I said…yawn.So how can you save yourself from this impending boredom? Date night – if used the right way– can heighten the romantic tension leading up to the mind-blowing sex you crave. How? The V. Club recommends ben wa balls (also known as kegel or vaginal balls). Simply pop them in before your date and feel yourself transform into a more alluring version of yourself. This works amazingly because the balls naturally arouse you and cause your body to release pheromones like crazy.The results? Your date will be instinctually more attracted to you. He won’t be able to wait to take you home.

Pelvic Floor Muscles. So you may have heard around the block that the pelvic floor is important for women, which it is. Often, a woman is unable to have a vaginal orgasm at ALL unless she has strong pelvic floor muscles.Part of our mission at The V. Club is to help women strengthen their pelvic floor muscles so that women can access their orgasms more frequently and easily during sex. Check out our masterclass, Ladies Come First: Finding Your Sexual Bliss, to learn more about how and why strengthening the pelvic floor is critical for your health and sex life!

Setting the Mood. We will bet that when you were a teenager or in your early 20s, you were so much more concerned with setting the mood for sex than you are now. After all, as we grow up, we become more jaded, and much less concerned with “the mood.” Sex is sex, right?However, if we really want to add some magic back into the bedroom, we do want to sweat the details in this department. The wrong lighting, for example, can be really distracting and unsexy. Consider adorning your bedroom with soft lamps, different color LED light bulbs, or adding some candles to the mix! Maybe massage oil candles? Who knows! Get creative!

Eye Contact. Listen up, this is a big one! From our conversations with all the women who come to The V. Club, we’ve learned that a lot of people are so busy focusing on reaching their orgasm during sex that they almost forget that their partner is even there! {gasp} But that’s not why we’re having sex is it? Otherwise, we would just be at home alone playing with ourselves and a vibrator.So, we urge you…be present during sex! Try to connect on that conscious level with your partner. Eye contact is key here. Nothing is sexier than when your partner is looking you in the eye as he/she takes you to pleasure town. It’s the simplest way to add spice back into sex.

Now you are armed with 5 ways to add more magic back into the bedroom. Did we miss anything? Feel free to let us know what you feel is most underrated in sex. We love to hear your thoughts and comments.

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Why Sexting is Good for Your Relationship

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Some women like to sext even before they had their first date. Others are too shy to sext even with their longterm partners who had seen them naked a million times. Too much communication, sexual or otherwise, via text has been shown to hurt the relationship. But in moderation, sexting is good for your relationship. Here’s why.

Imagine the following scenario. You have been together for a year or two, and things have gotten a little, shall we say, “stale” in your relationship. I get it. You’re busy. He’s busy. You’re like two ships passing in the night, in a sea of work meetings, parties, extracurricular commitments. When you get home at the end of the day, all you want to do is Netflix without the chill.

Sexting can help you add some spice during the day to create the sexual momentum in the evening.

In the back of your mind, you know that the sexiness of your relationship had all but slipped away. Many people think that once that happens, it’s too late to take the sexiness back. Not true, in most cases!

Many women find sexting awkward or embarrassing for reasons that touch the core of what men want from sex and relationships to be happy. It’s quite different from what women want, and you should understand these differences to have a happy, lasting relationship.

We explain what men are really looking for from love in our masterclass Men by Design.

But for now, if you want to create or reawaken the passion, let’s explore the why’s and how’s of sexting because it’s a powerful tool for couples of all ages.

Why should you sext?

Imagine a hard-working man who has been assigned to the same project at work for months. He’s been working long hours, has been overly stressed out, and his boss has been hounding him to make sure every final detail is perfect.

That night, he comes home, exhausted from the day. He walks in and finds his partner, having had just an amazing day at work, has lit candles and is sitting in a seductive position on their bed.

How do you think the man will react?

I bet 9 times out of 10, even though he’s biologically wired for sex, his heart will sink. He will have to explain to his partner, that it’s not her, that he loves her, and he thinks that she’s very sexy, but the truth is he’s exhausted and all he’s been thinking about all day is sitting on the couch and watching the game.

Now for her, it’s an epic fail. Heartbroken and ego-bruised, she blows out the candles and pulls on her PJs, trying not to feel hurt and insecure about the whole situation.

Okay, so we know how that goes. Huge bummer.

Now let’s imagine a different scenario.

The man has been working all day long. Again his boss is hounding him, and he is just SO over work. But then he gets a text from his partner out of the blue. The text simply says, “Can’t wait to blow you tonight {Kiss Emoji}.” His eyebrows immediately raised in shock and a smile crosses his face.

I’m willing to bet that for the next few hours, your man will be thinking about only one thing and one thing only. The feeling of your mouth on him and the mind-blowing sex you’ll have after.

Now, with candles lit and lingerie on, you will be welcoming home someone who is not only much more receptive to sex but perhaps even burning with passion for you.

I hope that illustrates the power of why sexting has grown into such a phenomenon. Now, it’s not going to work every single time. It’s probably not best to do it right before a big meeting with his boss for example, but it’s going to work more often than not.

How do you get started?

Here are 3 quick tips that you can implement today:

Keep it simple. Most women don’t sext because they are not sure where to start. They worry that they have to be some sort of porn star to be sexy. Not true! Men are very simple. They don’t need the build-up or the back story. That’s usually for us, ladies! We have an entire masterclass on what exactly men need in sex and relationships to be happy. So trust your instincts and keep it light.

Keep it visual. We know that men love with their eyes. They are incredibly visual for all sorts of social and biological reasons. So what’s the best way to get them virtually aroused? Paint them a picture. Share what you may be wearing when he gets home or what position you want to do it in. He will love having that mental image in his mind all day long.

Send a pic. It doesn’t even have to be a nude photo. Sometimes, just a pic of your lips with lipstick on, maybe licking your lips. Or a photo of yourself with a low neckline. Mildly suggestive is enough to make it an effective sext.

Pro Tip: Make sure his phone is set to not show pictures on the home screen, so you don’t accidentally show up seductively during a work meeting.

I hope you can see now how sexting can help you add some spice during the day to create the sexual momentum in the evening and feel more confident trying this out. We are here for you to answer any questions you may have and look forward to hearing any success stories. Share them here!

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Perineum: His Secret Sex Zone

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Have you dared to explore this hidden and underrated (but very sensitive!) erogenous zone on a man?

The perineum is the area between a man’s scrotum and anus. It can be an important gateway to stimulating some of his most important erogenous zones (can you guess which one?).

The skin is thicker in this area, compared to other erogenous zones such as the frenulum and scrotum which require you to really pay attention to your man’s reactions as to not cause hypersensitivity. So with the perineum, you can apply much more pressure (with fingers or even knuckles!) on certain hotspots located on this area to give your guy one mind-blowing orgasm.

One of the biggest benefits to a man if a woman gives his perineum some much needed attention is stimulating his prostate from the outside. Prostate stimulation is still a taboo topic for a lot of couples. Many men turn it down despite its many health benefits because of the miseducation on why it’s done, how it’s done, and how pleasurable it can be. A prostate orgasm is one of the most intense orgasms a man can experience, yet many would rather stay away because of anxieties and stigma surrounding prostate massage.

Stimulating the perineum, especially during orgasm, can be a gateway to showing your guy how good these sensations can feel. And it can get him warmed up to the idea of giving prostate stimulation through penetration a try!

Want to learn ways to stimulate the perineum and discover why it can make a man feel like he’s entered another planet of pleasure? In our masterclass Men By Design, we’ll show you how! The more you know, the more you’ll discover.

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4 Things to Do to His Balls to Drive Him Wild

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There are several things that are underrated and a big source of confusion in sex. One of the biggest is the man’s testicles.

Some men having a preference for testicle stimulation while others feel it doesn’t do much for them. Certainly everyone would agree that they are very sensitive and need to be handles carefully.

So it’s no surprise that the scrotum gets less attention than it deserves — it’s a mystery that few women know how to solve.

We’re going to decode it for you right now. Regardless of any hang-ups your guy might have regarding “ball play”, there is more than a handful of erogenous zones located along the scrotum.

Here are the main rules for what you can do with a guy’s balls during sex:

The trick to stimulating this area is to be gentle because what we are doing isn’t working what’s inside, but rather the extremely thin layer of skin on the outside.

Being gentle but varying up the kinds of pressure and sensations you provide is key to driving your guy “nuts” when you’re down there. Like any hand or oral technique, varying what you do and understanding the body part that you are stimulating makes a huge difference between something feeling pleasurable and simply nothing out of the ordinary, or even uncomfortable.

Massaging and giving the balls some attention while you’re engaging in hand or oral on your guys’ main BFF is a nice add because that can raise the levels of the sensations he feels tremendously. And every guy is different! Some men will love if you tickle and tease the scrotum, while others might want you to rub the area firmly in circular motions with your thumbs all the way down. So don’t be afraid to ask for feedback on what he likes.

Most importantly, if you really want to get the most out of your exploration, using lube is a must.

This underrated sex zone is one of his most important and you can bring your partner a lot of pleasure if you just learn what to do with it (and what not to do).

Here’s to playing ball!

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The One Thing That Makes a Woman Good in Bed

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What makes a woman good in bed? In our quest to answer this question, many of us find ourselves obsessing over the following:

“My hair is such a mess today.” “I have dark circles under my eyes.” “How can I cover up this stretch mark on my thigh?”

Do these sound familiar? Do you find yourself worrying about every little imperfection that society tells you a woman needs to be concerned about to become every man’s sex fantasy?

Well, you’re not alone. Most women drive themselves so crazy trying to perfect aspects of their appearance that they miss the one thing a man wants in bed.

Your partner wants you to want him.

That’s right. What men really want in bed — the one and only thing that makes a woman good in bed — is for us to show raw animal passion for them. Men can’t resist a woman who makes them feel wanted. A woman with the kind of sexual confidence that leaves them wanting more.

Have you ever thrown away nearly an entire week’s paycheck getting ready for an upcoming hot night? This can include fancy makeup, trendy perfumes, manicures, hair removal treatments, blow-outs, and the list goes on and on.

But here’s the thing. The little things we care about or feel insecure about when it comes to our appearance, guys don’t usually notice. When was the last time your partner commented on how even your French tips were? My mother’s hair once turned green in the pool and my father didn’t notice it; they have been married for 30 years at that point.

As women, we are the ones being nitpicky over every little blemish, stretch mark, or frizzy strand of hair. We also constantly compare ourselves to other women whom we view as being “sexier” or “prettier” than we see ourselves as being. But the truth is, it’s the uninhibited passion that guys care about, not the expensive dress.

Our passion for our partner is sexier and more powerful than any change that we can make to our appearance. It’s the most powerful thing that a woman can bring to the bedroom, and it’s the only thing that makes a man think that a woman is great in bed.

What does passion look like? It looks like self-confidence, positive body image, and being completely in the moment.

The problem is that many people confuse passion with sexual mastery and assume that what makes a woman good in bed is knowing expert sex techniques and tricks. Even if you possess expert sex technique and tricks, if you perform them without the passion, your partner will feel that you are disconnected from the sexual experience. This will make it a mediocre sexual experience for them because the raw passionate vibe will be missing.

What makes a woman good in bed in her passion. This means that you can be good in bed at any age if you have the self-confidence and sex-positive attitude.

If you want to increase your self-confidence in the bedroom to become the kind of woman that any man will think is good in bed, whether you just met or been together for years, I hope you will take advantage of the articles and other resources on this website that can help you with that.

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This is How You Should Move Your Body to Reach Vaginal Climax

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There is a reason why the tortoise beat the hare and won the race. He understood the power of pace and patience. It’s easy for us ladies to get frustrated when we’re not reaching orgasm, and especially not vaginal orgasm, as quickly as we’d like to with our partner. Our guy is able to finish in record time while we’re still trying to get ourselves fully in the zone. (Another emphasis on why foreplay is so important.)

The orgasm gap, as it’s commonly referred to, exists because men and women are programmed differently when it comes to reaching orgasm. Men typically climax pretty quickly and their pacing as they near the finish line becomes faster and faster to send them over the edge. But what about us? How do we get ourselves in the race?

First, we shouldn’t lay the blame solely on our partner. Sometimes we may be dealing with a selfish lover, however, that is not what we’re talking about here. What we’re referring to is the importance of controlling the pace at which we move in order to get our guy to stimulate our G-spot so we can achieve the elusive vaginal orgasm.

When it comes to vaginal orgasm, slow and steady is the best way. Find your rhythm and get your partner to adapt to what you’re doing with your body. But first, take the time to explore and know your body in order to understand its reactions and why it does what it does. Many women have figured out their clitoris. In order to achieve vaginal orgasm, you have to find and activate your G-spot.

In our masterclass Ladies Come First, we’ll show you how to move your body in ways that not only help you reach that tricky vaginal orgasm, but will also bring your partner immense pleasure.

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You Have to Understand This About Female Arousal to Orgasm More Easily

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Many women feel like it takes them a long time to reach orgasm while most men can get there in a matter of minutes. And that’s with clitoral stimulation; most women don’t experience vaginal orgasm at all.

Difficulty reaching orgasm can be a huge source of frustration. This can make matters even worse because feeling frustrated during sex can make reaching orgasm even more difficult since it stops you from being in the moment.

It’s a negative feedback loop that a lot of women find themselves in. Some women become unable to reach orgasm during sex with a partner altogether and are able to finish only through masturbation, or sometimes not at all.

This can eventually lead to a decreased sex drive, loss of desire for your partner, and an overall feeling of meh about your relationship.

But there’s good news. This problem isn’t a life sentence. I talk to a lot of women that come to my practice about this issue and fortunately, in most cases, we are able to figure out how to make them satisfyingly orgasmic. How? By removing the mental blocks, and learning new sex techniques and the do’s and don’ts of more orgasmic sex.

Everyone’s case is a little different and requires individual attention, but this article should give you a good jump start on understanding what is causing this issue and a few simple solutions to enjoying a deeply fulfilling and orgasmic sex.

You Have to Understand Female Arousal to Orgasm More Easily

There is a simple explanation for why it takes most women longer to reach climax than men and why it should not be a cause for concern: the arousal gender gap.  

Our degree of arousal is one of the key things that determines when we will reach orgasm (and how strong it will be).

On average, women need significantly longer than men to get sufficiently aroused to climax. Blame mother nature for it.

Why is this so important to understand if you want to experience orgasms more easily?

Well, most women simply don’t allow themselves enough time to get properly aroused during a sexual experience with a partner before they start to wonder why they are not at the finish line yet while their partner is ready to go. And so the negative feedback loop begins.

3 Tips for Easier Orgasms

So mother nature wasn’t very generous with us ladies when it designed our process of arousal. But we still deserve to have deeply fulfilling and orgasmic sex! It’s good for our skin, sleep, mental health, immune system, and it feels really damn good!

So what’s a girl to do to reach her orgasm more easily?

Stop stressing about how long it takes. Just accept it — it will probably take you longer to get off than him. Think of the bright side — it means that you will be having sex longer. It’s not the worst thing, right?

Make sure you’re properly aroused. How? Spend more time on foreplay. Arousal is a function of time. For many couples, the foreplay repertoire feels a bit like ‘been there, done that’ and so they rush through it to the main act. There is an easy fix to this issue — you can learn new foreplay techniques for yourself and your partner. There are A LOT of things you can do during foreplay to keep it exciting even if you’ve been together with your guy for a long time. You and your partner can turn it into a game where you pick a new move to try every week.

Get to know your body better through exploration both from yourself and partner. A lot of us think we’ve found all our sexual triggers. Challenge yourself to find more! For example, if you are like most women who need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, you might be surprised to learn that most likely you just haven’t figured out how to find and activate your G-spot.