therookieretiree

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Making use of your inventory - The Rookie Retiree

One of the first startling, but repeated retirement experiences I encountered was finding out that almost everything I needed, I already had, in multiples! Previously, there was always a never-ending shopping list of necessary items. Now, this was no longer necessary. Everything I required was already in the house! 

I felt like a fairytale character who just awoke from a long slumber. This dream was somewhat like The Sorcerer’s Apprentice or the movie Groundhog Day, except instead of buckets of water or reliving the same 24 hours, my life included purchasing similar items again and again. The pandemic had a coincidental effect on those who used their time inside to clean out closets. Marie Kondo through her book The Lifechanging Effect of Tidying Up, encouraged a nationwide purge of items which flooded every thrift store from coast to coast. Note to reader: I discovered this phenomenon well before the pandemic.

What was in the Archives? 

In the first few months after retirement, I found that I had every favorite cosmetic and cream in duplicates and triplicates, at least. Ditto on over-the-counter medications. I had enough day and nighttime cold medicine for a large, extended family. There were enough scarves in my closet to accentuate every color on the spectrum. I had handsome table and silverware in storage, that could now be repurposed for daily use. My closet held just the right jeans and jackets, purchased and rarely worn, that were now ideal for my weekly plant and animal volunteer duties. There was almost nothing needed that I did not already have! This bounty reminded me of an Isaac Bashevis Singer story I often taught to third graders about a man who traveled all over the world looking for gold, when it turned out it was already hidden in his oven at home.

How Did this Happen to All of Us? 

A look at the history of consumerism in America might provide the rationale for my previous behavior, and millions of others. There is actually a “theory of consumerism.” It states that “progressively greater levels of consumption are beneficial to consumers.” This idea, which pervades America today, was the result of the industrial revolution when goods became available for reasonable prices in large quantities. It was perpetuated after WW2, when consuming was perceived to be patriotic. No doubt Americans have reached the saturation point in this theory causing our collective environmental tragedy, spurred on by the incessant intrusion of targeted advertising on every electronic device. 

Before the industrial revolution, all goods were made by hand, and people did not go shopping. The wealthy had more items of better quality, and the lower classes had only what they needed, if they were lucky. All of that changed with the advent of stores. 

At first, people were happy to purchase quality products that would last, such as ovens and washing machines. Shortly thereafter, appearance became the commodity, not the function, as in striving to own the newest automobile. Shockingly, since the 1950’s, globally, we’ve consumed more than all of the humans who came before us! The plastic garbage in the oceans and the electronic waste piles in India remind us of this calamity.

Greedy Corporations are not Solely to Blame 

There are psychological reasons for over shopping, as well. We humans like to give in to temptation without thinking. Buying something makes us feel good for that nanosecond. We like to prove our self-worth by flashing our stuff. We like to maintain a certain image in our style of dress, our homes and our cars. We get bored. Shopping becomes a habit

There are other explanations, as well, which are out of our control. We are unknowing victims! We watch HGTV. Many live in houses that are too large and need to be filled up. We might have too much expendable cash. We are also victims of our own faulty thinking. We rather buy something to make us feel better, than do the hard work of solving difficult issues.

It’s a Generational Issue

Our generation has lots of excuses for excessive consumerism. We grew up when malls were the “Cathedrals of Capitalism.” We’ve seen the evolution of Costco, Walmart, and Target. Our spending habits have been nurtured by the media to run on autopilot. However, the tectonic plates are moving. Millennials love tiny houses and prefer experiences rather than things. The pandemic has forced all of us to look at how we consume and its effect on the planet and its residents. 

Where does this fit into retirement? I would say this movement is perfect timing for us! Since status is a thing of the past, there is no great need to polish your social persona. Having better clothes, cars, and household items is not a goal at this stage. However, what makes us different, is that we’ve earned the right to be discerning. If so inclined, you could do the ultimate de-accession of all your worldly goods, and move into a spare one bedroom apartment. For some, this would feel right.

For others, discernment and Marie Kondo’s idea of “what sparks joy” could be a guide. Since you already have more of everything that could ever be used in the next 20 or 30 years, purchasing in the future should have a very practical purpose. To create a pleasing environment and personal image, practicality should also include aesthetics. 

After clearing the clutter, taking a hard look with a discerning eye will chart your future course in the material world. Take note of your prior value of quality, design, and function. Have any of these elements been neglected? This is the time to create a physical world that is discerning, modest, and reflective of your values. That is the ultimate revenge for rampant American consumerism. 

  Source: https://www.therookieretiree.com/blog/i-have-everything-i-need

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What Does it Feel Like to Retire?

Hopefully, a year spent with physical and social limitations might ease your transition to retirement, when one has more opportunity for reflection and a stunning reduction of required activity.  

Know more:https://www.therookieretiree.com/blog/what-does-it-feel-like-to-retire

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This lounge is helpfully staffed with a greeter who gave me a “TGI Friday-type” beeper to alert me when the surgeon would be calling, TV screens with real time patient status, nurses to give update information and medical elaboration, and even a kitchen with snacks. This quasi-pleasant room is not where one would choose to hang out, although there is a camaraderie among those brought together on the same day by unfortunate circumstances.

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Food: The Golden MeanLearning to eat mindfully

Food in retirement…......really? Is this topic worthy of a separate discourse? Weren’t we eating daily in our work lives? Of course! However, in retirement, food can take on a very different priority. Previously, rushing through a busy life, food was a means to an end: satisfying hunger or satisfying emotional needs. At the slower pace of retirement, food can be viewed equally as medicine, a hobby, or as a rebalancing.

What was your Pre-Retirement Style? 

Many of us have been operating on a slanted platform. This is known as the “excess/ deficiency”model. I was in the cohort which was too busy to eat, unless I noticed physical sensations. The other cohort rarely notices physical sensations, but is well aware of emotional sensations which needed to be satisfied. Retirement is the perfect time to come to the “middle way.” This concept, sometimes referred to as “The Golden Mean,” has been described by philosophers such as Plato, Socrates, and Aristotle. It is also valued in Buddhism and Confucianism. It is the desirable middle between two extremes. One food illustration, is my former personal practice of not eating enough and then having to take Extra Strength Zantac to remediate this behavior. At the other end of the scale would be a dinner plate sized order of french fries I recently requested by mistake at a local hamburger joint. Those of you who ate lunch “al desko” instead of “alfresco” everyday provide another negative food example. 

The Middle Way  

The essence of finding the middle way lies in the practice of mindful eating. Previously, why did it seem like the process of nourishing oneself came in fits and starts? There was always the last minute morning chase through the frig for lunch items. There were the “I deserve this” rewards of fried, sweet and calorie laden foods. Mindfulness often did not play a role in the after work beer or glass of wine: it was a default setting after a stressful day. Your new world order will contain some of these radical concepts: listening to your body, eating at a nicely set table at specific times of the day, eliminating the distractions of your phone and printed materials, and eating slowly enough to really taste your food.

Taking Charge of Your Food 

Changing your eating life requires explicit planning and a commitment to a new set of values. Do you deserve to feel healthier? Do you deserve to eat higher quality food on a regular basis? Do you consider your older body worth the investment of your time and effort? If so, planning what you eat will become an important part of your day. 

I have a beloved source which moved me from the “deficient” to the Golden Mean Sisterhood: How to Eat, by Thich Nhat Hanh. The author is the famous Vietnamese Buddhist monk who helped bring Eastern philosophy to the West. This lovely, little pocket-sized publication has mini essays which encourage the reader to eat mindfully by eating alone or with others, to enjoy our food by slowing down, and to appreciate the connection of our food to the earth. After reading this book at just the right time in my life, I use my nicest tableware, remove all distractions, and bring all the lovely elements of my meal to the table, in advance, whether I eat alone or with others. 

Some Introductory Exercises 

An excellent way to begin mindful eating is with the clementine meditation. Sit down at the table, which is clear of all extraneous materials. Take a lovely, little clementine and slowly peel off the skin. Next, slowly separate the first segment. As you take a bite, notice the burst of juice and the exquisite flavor. Repeat. Chew each segment slowly. 

Of course, you will not be eating this way on a daily basis, but the novelty of the experience will definitely tune you into your food, encourage you to slow down and really appreciate the flavors. This practice encourages you to use all of your senses while eating: noticing the orange color and the little strands of pulp, the fragrance, and of course the taste: citrusy, acidic, yet sweet. All foods benefit from a similar treatment. 

Another technique to elevate your awareness is checking in with your hunger scale. I was introduced to this technique after my divorce, when I was not interested in eating much of anything. Picture a scale of 1 to 10. One means you are ravenous and ten means you are too full to eat. If you’ve been out of touch with your body sensations, decide where you fall on the scale when you are thinking about eating. My nutritionist taught me that it was best to live around the middle (5,6), not on either extreme. Both one and ten mean you haven’t been paying attention to your body. 

Other Culinary Goodies 

My repurposed Polish pottery plates, which were previously reserved for special occasions, and a more practical arrangement of my cookbook library have also brought me into this new slower, more purposeful world of food. 

Visits to local orchards, international markets, produce stores, and a rotating schedule of local supermarkets provide something fun to do during the day, and variety to the meals I make. As for recipes, my main source is the New York Times, which offers an e-subscription to cooking ideas. Lately, I’ve taken to choosing one cookbook and highlighting recipes during a given week. I also finally consult the other excellent cookbooks I’ve been accruing for decades. The real secret to making weeknight meals memorable is to choose about three new or excellent recycled recipes on Sunday, and add the ingredients to the weekly shopping list. 

Cooking and eating mindfully, is not only a gift to the self. It is a loving gift to those in your home. Your people will certainly take notice of the novel, healthy dishes appearing on your table. I sometimes feel selfish when my husband makes a comment like “this is really restaurant quality,” because I didn’t prepare this meal just with him in mind. For the first time in my life, I’ve learned to nurture myself through food. 

Blog Source: https://www.therookieretiree.com/blog/food-the-golden-mean

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encounter with your mortality and vulnerability. This could happen in a restaurant, a doctor’s office, or through an adverse event on the sidewalk when your mind was focused on something else. Now is the time to face the fact that you are “driving an old car.” I love the car analogy, because it is so universal. Who has not had the experience of the multitude of inconveniences and expenses caused by an old car. That car is now your body, only you can’t trade it in. 

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 What are those negative voices telling you?

Quite soon after your retirement, and curiously, even before it begins, you will notice some strange sensations in your body. These pop up in very predictable circumstances quite regularly. They are uncomfortable feelings which have deep roots. No doubt they are conditioned feelings which have evolved over many years during your work life.

Take the stance of a mindful meditator and notice them. Label them. These sensations will unlock some significant reasons why you have retired. The little voice that accompanies these feelings will say, “I don’t like…, I don’t want to…., or I can’t stand… “ At first, you might catch yourself in a celebratory mode, similar to how you feel when you wake up from a bad dream. Phew! I don’t have to do that anymore! But these little devils might become long-time residents of your psyche without some remediation. Now is the time to take a closer look at those aversions that are hounding you. 

My Personal Aversions 

After I retired, my list of aversions seemed to immediately include not wanting to sit at a computer, being indoors, or taking long car rides. No need to consult Jung on those three! I would tell everyone who would listen how much those activities drained my energy and were to be avoided. 

Another in the same category would be my unfortunate ongoing aversion to time sensitive events. This dread could be as harmless as the fear of being late to an exercise class or as grand as the fear of arriving late and not being seated at a concert. No doubt this recurring distaste stemmed from the temporal management of my day in 26 years of teaching. A teacher’s life is ruled by lesson plans, children’s arrival and departure times, and various appointments during the school day. These days, I don’t want anyone telling me to be anywhere at a certain time. Unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way – there is always the dentist!

Further down the list of obvious aversions, I found myself opposed to any encounter with public education, including volunteer opportunities. I have not yet given into these aversions, even with all of the children, post-pandemic, who could use the services of a retired reading specialist. 

Unpacking the Baggage 

If I am honest with myself, my list of aversions is also much more inclusive of some rather subtle feelings which arise in social situations: I worry that I might say the wrong thing in conversation; I unconsciously compare myself with others, and I have a true disdain for flagrant expressions of ego, hierarchies, and hypocrisy. No need here to go into the details of how these aversions took up residency. I’m sure your work days included similar scenarios! 

This is quite a sizable caravan of issues and behaviors which nudge me regularly, and not in a positive way. I don’t feel comfortable carrying around this inventory everywhere I go or don’t go! What is going on here? 

The Buddhists describe three poisons that cause human suffering: ignorance, attachment (wanting something too much), and aversion. It is interesting that aversion is one of the big three and has been around for 2500 years. It is certainly normal to have certain aversions, such as to snakes and bugs, in order to avoid pain and bodily harm. Those are not the types of aversions Buddhism describes. 

Aversions prevent one from truly enjoying the present moment. Rather than being available to see and experience all that is going on, there is a small internal vise restricting the experience. Besides being unavailable in the present, holding onto specific aversions prevents one from moving forward in this stage of life. Before I delved into this topic, I thought I had put most of the pain of my career behind me. Now I see that this is not quite true.

Sending the Aversions Packing! 

The first step in eliminating these aversions, is labeling them and acknowledging the fact that they exist. An excellent example is when I tell everyone I know how much I hate road trips and sitting in front of a screen. Honestly, it allows me to flash my battle scars, on a regular basis! However, I’ve learned this is not a helpful behavior. By repeating this aversion over and over, I’m keeping it alive, instead of securely deleting it from my consciousness. Moving down the list of the more subtle aversions can be quite illuminating, as they are equally difficult to remove. I’ll be honest. I haven’t yet moved the needle on anger at having to be someplace on time.

Entering the “softer” aversions, there is much to be learned by changing one’s mindset. Having a little dread of being exposed in social situations could make me a recluse, and has done that to some extent! A healthier way of integrating this information, is to make me more careful in social situations, so I don’t experience new public embarrassments. Being aware that I compare myself with others, allows me to just label the situation when it arises, such as feeling jealous that I’m not a grandmother. It is not practical to avoid every grandmother my age so I won’t feel that feeling. I tend to flinch when I hear expressions of ego, often in younger folks, and I tell myself they are in a different stage of life - the striving stage, where such status matters. 

Quite unexpectedly, after several years of retirement, I have a renewed interest in education. Although I’m not putting my name on a substitute teacher list or even tutoring adult ESL students, I might want to share some career insights through short pieces of writing online or in print. Having spent a lifetime in a particular career might provide others with some insight, and is helpful in putting past experiences into perspective. During the pandemic, I was able to help a literacy organization with a weekly food distribution, and was able to share some helpful teaching strategies and materials with some of the younger staff. 

Aversion to aversions can be treated. The protocol involves reflection, labeling, and gently acknowledging their role in your evolution. As they arise, every analogous experience can be practice in letting them go. 

Blog Source: https://www.therookieretiree.com/blog/aversion-to-my-aversions

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Dissecting the Travel Bug - There's more to retirement than a cruise

Traveling and retirement are almost synonymous terms. Of course, you will want to travel in your retirement! Even my friend who lived in London and traveled the globe in her last five years of employment still has places she either missed or wants to revisit. Sadly, most of us never really formulated a future travel strategy. This reflects our inability to imagine any parts of our future lives beyond our cash flow.

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Describe to someone who has never been in love, what it feels like when you have, at long last, found your soul mate. Describe to someone about to give birth, the first feelings that flood you when you become a parent for the first time. Describe to someone the pain of losing a loved one, when that moment is completely unexpected. Can someone accurately explain to another, what it will feel like to wake up one morning, and be retired from the full-time world of work? What will it feel like every day that first year, when just about everything familiar about your waking hours has changed?

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Making the Transition:Stranger in a Strange Land

One night - that is the amount of time which you will have to transition to your new, retirement life. How is that possible? One day, you will leave your job. You will come home, (or you may have been working from home), eat dinner, go to sleep, and the next morning you will be living the first day of your new life. One often hears how difficult it is to adjust to retirement. Of course it is! Do we actually expect this monumental adjustment will take place in just one night? OK – now that this ridiculous notion is out of the way, let’s discuss some of the essential elements to a more realistic transition.

The Major Players Take their Place 

On that first night, you will be straddling two worlds: the world of work, which needs no further elaboration, and the world of retirement, which needs lots! In those first few days, you will probably find that the previous supporting elements of your day now take very different roles. While time was a limited commodity, it now becomes plentiful. While all elements of domesticity were “work arounds,” they now take center stage. Your personal health will also join these players. Thank goodness! Otherwise, what would you have to do that first day? Friendships and social occasions now move out from the wings, in a post pandemic world. Decisions about your values will now dictate your future purpose in the world.

You are probably somewhat relieved. Most new retirees truly worry about how they will use their time. Unless you were in countdown mode to your final day at work or are completely burnt out or ill, this is usually an issue. Now that the major anchors of your new life have assembled, each new day of retirement can be viewed as a production involving the interaction of one or more of these elements: time, domesticity, health, social relationships, and your values. With such a long, important list, you will wonder how you ever had time to work. That is the whole point of a successful retirement – reclaiming those lost parts of yourself, buried under relentless work obligations. 

Slow it all Down! 

A little advice for those of you feeling overwhelmed by the time surplus: do everything slower! Congratulations if you’ve been the paragon of efficiency. We know you can multitask. Hooray! You now officially have no need for those skills. Teach them to a younger person. If too much time frightens you, find yourself an older mentor. This person will probably tell you to acquaint yourself with the concept of “mindfulness.”

Without getting too “new agey”, mindfulness really means slowing down and enjoying everything you do, including washing the dishes, which is often given as an example in all the mindfulness self- help books. No matter what you are doing, whether it is eating, reading the newspaper, separating laundry, cleaning the bathroom, or unpacking the groceries, slow it all down, put on some music and try to get into it. This takes lots of practice, but it is, perhaps, the best suggestion of how to enjoy your retirement. This is not the time to be one step ahead, planning your next move, or phoning good friends in the car because you have too much to do at home. Live in the moment, or at least fake it.

A Plan for your First Day 

On the first morning you wake up after retiring, no doubt there will be food to cook, beds to make, errands to run, and a pile somewhere that needs attention. Using your “mindfulness”skills, take some time to strategize your day. All items do not have to be completed before lunch. Which task “calls to you?” Give yourself some slack if none of these things “call to you.” It’s your first day, after all. No one is looking – go back to bed! Eat ice cream for breakfast! I used to have a sign on my refrigerator for my Rookie Year which read– NOT AS MUCH IS EXPECTED OF YOU. I simply couldn’t believe there was no invisible task master watching me and telling me to hurry up and get to work. If you haven’t chosen the ice cream in bed option, pick a few domestic tasks to fill up your day, but remember to go slow and only do those things you really want to do. 

On that first day, do a brief body scan. How do you feel? I used to feel like a “brain on legs.” I was only valued at work for my cognitive prowess. My body had to sit behind a steering wheel and computer for most of the day. It was compliant and didn’t give me too much trouble, but there’s no doubt it was grossly neglected. On day one and in those other early days, go outside and take a walk! If you were a gym member or had some favorite physical pastime, by all means, partake! Your "compliant body" will start speaking to you. Maybe it wasn’t as compliant as you thought. It speaks in the languages of aches and pains, weight gain, hunger, thirst, temperature, and appearance. Listen up! Make your body part of your day – you have the time.

Lunch anyone? 

When was the last time you met a friend for lunch who was not a colleague? Which relatives have you not seen or spoken to since the pandemic? Your calendar is now clear. Make some dates in the near future. Your “besties” will want to know how you are adjusting to retirement. Make them part of the process! A good mix of home time, physical pursuits and social engagements go a long way in filling up those first days in your rookie year. Time with “your people” are not just placeholders in your calendar. Those conversations will inform the new direction your life will take! 

Unearthing your Values 

Finally, we come to rediscovering your core values. These will be key to the new retirement activities you choose, especially in the area of volunteer work. Yes, many retirees in their rookie year think they have to start volunteering immediately. I am not of that school. Anyone who has worked for decades has already contributed enormously to society. Society has many facets, and it is the totality of every individual’s daily contribution which makes our world spin. If you don’t believe me, next time you are stopped at a traffic light at a major intersection at rush hour, think about how varied the work of all those commuters might be. You were just part of this passing parade. 

In your early days of retirement, spend some quiet time in reflection both about the world you have left and the world you are entering. With all its variety and opportunity, might there be a spot just for you to contribute?

Post Source: https://www.therookieretiree.com/blog/making-the-transition

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Are you a Rookie Retiree, or about to become one?

Is there a need for some direction and validation in your new stage of life?

Retirement took me by surprise. Writing and researching were the ways I was able to make sense of my new world.