therealdeemz

[therealdeemz]

(clears throats)

So you guys know how I have a fic right

.

Have I told you that Kazami's Corvette C5 in Magnum Opus has a C5.R bodykit

BASICALLY THIS. But with it being a bodykit instead of it being the actual homologation C5R

It also has Callaway Sledgehammer 1:1 Rim repros which are practically spec to spec with the real one, and it's all because Kazami canonically saw the actual Sledgehammer being brought to race on the Wangan when he was just a wee little lad

I should REALLY write that story out sometime but I think the fact that I can make a sledgehammer go band to band with the Supras and Skylines at the time is one of the perks of me writing my own stories

[therealdeemz]

'Given' and grief

The first time we see Mafuyu think about Yuki consciously in given is in code 4.

And what we see him thinking is that he doesn't feel lonely.

Mafuyu thinks here, even when he knows he'll never see Yuki again, he still doesn't feel lonely because he still carries something within himself that Yuki loved.

And this was Mafuyu being in denial about Yuki actually really being gone. He was still trying to rationalise it.

“I am not lonely!” he protests, “The person that I loved so much, couldn't just become nothing! As long as I'm here, he is here somehow!”

And he keeps carrying Yuki's guitar everywhere, symbolising that burden. That thing that Yuki loved, yes, but Mafuyu wasn't a part of.

__________________

Then the story progresses. Mafuyu learns to play guitar. Mafuyu makes new friends, he learns to smile again and be excited, he starts to fall in love again. He starts to heal.

THEN Fuyunohanashi happens.

And we see him starting the song with, “I'm not lonely”, again.

He is back there. He is protesting, “you are not gone! You can not be gone! You are still in my head! Everywhere you once were you still are!!”

He has healed meanwhile, yes, from when given manga started to when FnH happened, he has. But he still hasn't come to terms with it.

And then, while performing this song, while on stage, this sudden realisation strikes,

“I am so lonely” he thinks. He has started to realise that Yuki is fading, Yuki's memory, his presence that Mafuyu imagined, they're fading slowly, and that is sad! That's why he is lonely!

After the performance of FnH, Mafuyu thinks again, “I am not lonely”, and this time it's not regarding Yuki. This is the general feel of it, Mafuyu isn't lonely anymore. He has friends, he has someone new he loves, he has started to heal, and with that comes the feeling of guilt.

“I wish I could tell you this!” I wish I could find closure from you!

_______________________

And then we get the extra chapter 'Umi E'. Expanding on the on stage "I am so lonely" panel!

Mafuyu realised on that 'blindingly bright stage' what 'loneliness' means. It's the healing part of the trauma. It's the guilt of letting go of the person who isn't here anymore.

If Mafuyu forgets Yuki bit by bit, which will certainly happen, because people can't keep living with someone's vivid memories forever, then who'll remember the Yuki that only Mafuyu knew? He will really be gone forever! And thinking about that is sad! And THAT is loneliness.

_______________________

Mafuyu is still there during CAC. Even though he has moved on, even though he is totally in love with Ritsuka and committed to him, it still feels like betraying Yuki somehow. The more he grows, the more he changes, the more the distance with Yuki grows.

Remember, that line in yorugaakeru that literally says, “even though you're not here, I can still continue to live on, in the end, that's what makes me sad.”

This part of grieving isn't talked about as much as it should be. It's the guilt you feel when you heal.

_________________________

This brings us to the last arc of 'given'.

There were many things going on with RitsuMafu the last arc, but part of why playing 'Umi E' for Mafuyu without telling Mafuyu was bad idea was because it meant forcing Mafuyu to confront something that he had no intention of confronting just yet.

But turned out it was for the best. At least for Mafuyu to realise that he has actually really moved on. He doesn't feel guilt for letting go of Yuki anymore. From the time they performed YgA to the SYH concert, Mafuyu has healed more.

See, compared to the first 'to the sea' memories, the last 'to the sea' memories are so blurry! He really forgot the details!

It's just a vague feeling of nostalgia to Mafuyu now! And it's still anxiety inducing, yes, especially seeing that he was already dreading everything.

But there's no guilt to be found of letting go of Yuki. His only concerns are not being able to connect to Ritsuka now.

Yuki is not somewhere inside Mafuyu anymore, or he doesn't feel pressured to keep him close to heart anymore. He has accepted the truth. He has found closure. Yuki is a memory now. A fond memory, preserved in a song, the memories are blurrier still. And Mafuyu is happy with that. Forgetting the details doesn't make him lonely or guilty anymore.

Which is why the last chapter we got, where just after being confronted by 'Yuki's song', Mafuyu still isn't sad or guilt ridden at all, he is sparkling and eager to perform alongside Ritsuka, he is so happy that he almost proposed to him, is so special!

[therealdeemz]

I'm re-reading uramado dogfight (one of natsuki kizu's doujins) and it just hits me with this profoundly nostalgic gutpunch that reeks of kissmanga, typing haikyuu and browsing through all the doujins there

[therealdeemz]

Soukoku's Driving in the Golden Era

I don't know how much of this will come out as coherent but I think you guys will appreciate it regardless because I think this is a neat parallel

Although Chuuya and Dazai were undoubtably *fast*, they're fast in their own distinct ways that they're enough of a treat to watch in on itself, and it shows down to how their cars are built in the first place.

Dazai's car is more built for downforce; the concept in motorsport that if you go fast enough, the wind would bog you down enough that it can add weight where it doesn't exist. It's why race cars have massive wings, and is commonly used in usecases where traction (the contact between the wheels and the road) is not broken and grip levels are predictable. This means that you rarely find it on cars built for a mountain pass like in Retribution. But at the same time, Dazai is batshit crazy, and I don't doubt that he could see the wind as he's pushing the car to the speeds that he does.

This necessitates Dazai's driving style back then to be precise, surgically precise. Every small movement of the wheel is smooth and calculated to maintain as much grip as possible, and his main goal is to get in front and leave his rival behind as he essentially paces his own race in the small stretch of mountain road he's given. I don't think you can even see Dazai when he's pacing his car in the speeds he does and in the sheer darkness of the Touge, but you could certainly *feel it*. You could feel that, whatever just passed you was just breathtakingly fast in a way that's just not possible.

Chuuya's car, on the other hand, was a rally car that was meant to tackle loose surfaces and tarmac on occasion, which meant that what grip the car had relied more on mechanical grip; the contact patch between the tyre and the road. Rally cars also have minute differences, like a faster acceleration speed, more driving wheels (all-wheel drive), etc etc, which heavily rewards a driving style that can work all orifices of the car as it courses down the tarmac.

Of course, Chuuya's driving style reflects it, as with every corner, you can *feel* his presence in an entirely different way that's simply overbearing. You know whatever's coming at you with all the tires screeching and the sheer sound emitting from it is *insurmountable*. And it's only added by the times that Chuuya comes into view, the car prances through the corner like a whirlwind, kicking up tyre smoke and an unhealthy amount of fuel that's not too away from being aviation gas. Chuuya drives the thing like it's alive, and he's making that car his bitch as he makes micro-jitters to account for every little thing that that amount of speed throws at him.

So in short, Dazai drives his car like he's threading a needle, while Chuuya drives his car like he's wrestling a bull.

They're both equally impressive, but considering they both carry the same speeds down that hill; a speed which is *far* removed from even Rashoumon or Burnstrike could chalk up (their best times are consistently 10-15 seconds away from Soukoku's best times). You can see why they have a cult following behind them; almost 3 or 4 years after their leaving. They're *Gods* to everyone's eyes, because they graze that ragged edge of reckless abandon and unfettered speed to an art.

[therealdeemz]

TID BITS ABOUT CHUUYA'S CAR

OKAY SO Chuuya has 2 cars in Retribution

One is a 1985 Audi Sport Quattro S1 E2 which is by far the most Batshit racecar from the most Batshit era of rallying and I think you need that type of car to *match* that type of energy with Dazai's 180SX

ROUGHTLY with this bodykit and with a tuned up engine over what was already in the car I think the car makes around 500~ wheel horsepower and is basically a race-spec Quattro that is DEFINITELY not road legal but he still has it just because he got it as a hand-me-down from Verlaine (long story but that's the only way it makes sense)

Has a gloss black paint with a small crimson red racing strip down the center but I don't think there's anything else

Chuuya also has a Honda NSX Type R NA1 which is what he drives nowadays and it's a gift from Kouyou when he hung up his keys

All Type R NSX's come in championship white (the color you see) and it has a more stripped out interior than a normal NSX and nowadays Chuuya just uses it as a daily driver (as far as I know) since it's from Kouyou and he's sick of racing

If you wanna learn more about the cars from other members of the cast then drop a comment here or an ask in my bio (idk how that works yet)

[therealdeemz]

THIS IS LITERALLY ME TO YOU BECAUSE YOURE SO COOL AND AWESOME AND YOUR WRITING IS SO FUCKING IMMACULATE LIKE??????. HOW DID I END UP BETAING FOR YOU I AM NOT WORTHY

you ever realize you have certain mutuals and you're like, holy shit. how did you get here. you are so out of my league. you are so much cooler than me.

[therealdeemz]

random excerpt

SO CHERRI TOLD ME TO USE TUMBLR AND I DONT KNOW HOW ALL OF THIS WORKS BUT UH HEY HERES AN EXCERPT

"The shop is scheduled to be empty tonight; Hirotsu's out on some business and Gin has just finished their shift, skulking back to wherever that oddball slinks off to when he isn't around. The shop is silent, save for Tachihara's own breathing and the sound of metal clanging on metal as he drops another wrench into the engine of this wreck of a Honda. He doesn't know who the client is, and he doesn't want to know, because he's too pissed off about having to retrieve the wrenches. But, as he was working alone though, the taps of footsteps could be heard from the edge of the garage. It was definitely the sound of someone coming, but it wasn't exactly clear who it was at first glance.

Though, as his breaths heaved and he placed what sounded like a box of parts onto the other side of the garage that Tachihara was working in, it became a bit more apparent as to who the person is, as, there's really only one person delivering goods like this in and out of the workshop; Andre. Andre is a bit of a curious subject, as iterated before. Andre has some racer blood in him; as shown in his only car being that Esprit that he used to push down the highways in. But, now, the former Black Lizard Works member is resigned to the role he occupies now... Not that he likes it, nor does he hate it with a seething passion. He just hopes that he could have something a little more exciting. As was indicated with that itch he had back in the office about racing at 300 kilometers per hour again.

"Guess the HKS Turbos that you ordered just came in the mail. Whose client is this for?"

Was what Andre curiously asked, as he wiped the sweat that pooled on his forehead with his arm, glancing his pearlescent blue onto Tachihara, who seems to be awfully annoyed in working in that Civic...

"I think it's for Gin's,"

Michizou says, wiping his eye to rid himself of the annoyance that must be an eyelash, but he only succeeds in getting grease smeared across his cheek, something he likely won't notice until he goes home and finds it on his pillow the next morning.

"Dunno what he's working on, but he's been waiting on that Turbo to put the damn thing back together."

Andre walks over to where Tachihara was, and greets him in the only way he knows how to; with a little scruffle of his head as he presumably reaches out and retrieves what fallen spanners have gone into the car. Though he was mildly annoyed that Tachihara tends to not pick up physical displays of affection if it isn’t implicitly given to him, he still does it either way, and it was his way of making Tachihara feel a little more at home, and it's those little touches that go a long way; as he experienced himself. After he did so, he responded properly to what Tachihara said about the turbo that Gin bought, and it seemed that Gin was the one all about boost... She tuned up her AW11 and even twincharged Tachihara's FC, making both cars venerable racers in the mountain passes. But, looking back at the desk that Gin has, and looking back at Tachihara, he couldn't help but smile a little, as the mess of his desk reminded him of how his desk looked when he installed that bored out motor on a customer's Silvia."

You guys will soon enough learn about Andre

Maybe jf I feel like it

Fun game: reblog or comment the vaguely technical words that you don't recognize

[therealdeemz]

happy birthday, oikawa! 20/07

[therealdeemz]

This was so brutal

[therealdeemz]

ㅤㅤㅤ ⌕ 金﹕satou mafuyu messy layouts ᘏ

始 ╴like or reblog it ˒ ♥︎

[therealdeemz]

wow this was supposed to be for kageyama’s bday garlagan - slowing down

[therealdeemz]

THIS USER BELIEVES IN OIKAWA TOORU SUPREMACY

[therealdeemz]

oikawa I did for a secret santa tevomxntana - heaven sent

[therealdeemz]

very late akaashi bday edit adam levine - lost stars

[therealdeemz]

tsukkiyama for the heart and soul ac: @aapplebluee, @blulious, @iiamandrrii, @lucrezia-dormentaire, @lvnesart, @medd-uwu, @preluvz, @soktokki, @todoyamas, @yankasmiles, oniphobia on insta

Nujabes - Imaginary Folklore

[therealdeemz]

remake of an old edit Travis Scott - Goosebumps (ft. Kendrick Lamar)

[therealdeemz]

RANPOOOOOOooooouorzwgvijvoesirs 53 Thieves - Lockdown