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Hindi na kita iiyakan ulit Vidal.

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It's good to know...

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Gusto ko ding dumating sa akin ang pagmamahal na mananatili.

Mananatiling akin kahit ilang bagyo ang humamon sa amin. Gusto ko ng pag-ibig na hindi ako pakakawalan lalo kung nakakaramdam kami ng kalungkutan. Gusto ko ng pag-ibig na hindi ko na muli pang iiyakan at magmamakaawang huwag akong iwan.

Sana mapasa-akin din, ang pag-ibig na kahit hindi ko turuan ay mamahalin ako ng wagas, payapa, at palaging may sambit ng respeto at pagpapakumbaba. Gusto ko ng pag-ibig na akin lang, at mananatiling akin hanggang wakas.

[thepurplefacade]

I feel like he is drifting apart. Kung hindi, bakit naman ganon nya kadali sumuko? I know.... hindi nagkakamali ang instinct ko. I know bukod kay Chie, bukod sakin, meron pa. Imposibleng hindi ko mararamdaman.

You're hiding something from me. And you thought I wouldn't know.

[thepurplefacade]

Dear AJ,

I'm happy to see you finally get the love you've just told me about six years ago.

My first love, it's a shame that you never know how I felt. But I guess, it's better if I keep it this way...

I've loved you for nine years, took a hiatus, got your attention for two years, then another hiatus, and finally a comeback that took a short while. You told me before on one of our morning jogs, "let's meet halfway". Though, we never really did. I was so head over heels in love with you since I was 13. I was 23 when I realized that it's not gonna work. I knew when you thought you loved me, and it's funny when I could open your account back then (a history that's too crucial to disclose) but I still chose not to let you know. I saw how devastated you were when the love of your life whom you've courted for a long time (prolly longer than the time I've loved you) told you that she loves someone else. I saw you, I took that chance but I knew I'm not the person to save you.

Fast forward, I'm halfway to finishing my yogurt and here I'am reacting to your girlfriend's post. There's a lot of things to say, that I better not. And it's beautiful this way.

I've loved you, I've prayed for you- for more than nine years...

I'm happy to see you happy.

Yours,

Elizabeth

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February 14, 2024

I wanna receive roses too...

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Dear Basty,

They always tell me like this...

"mapapalitan mo din yan"

Let me tell you that there were a lot of errors in their statement. First, how could I ever replace one thing on this earth that etched more than a hundred little scars all over me? The scratches ever made out of love, and a hunger for my attention? I cannot endure those looks you give me everytime you cries when somebody puts you in a chain, or scolded you, or another dog bit you. I cannot replace those moments when you tried so hard to live so mommy would stop from crying because for the nth time you're again in the hospital. Nor I can replace your capacity to make me the happiest when I see you look and kiss me after a long time of ignoring me. You quite have the attitude, but you are so loved by me.

And lastly, when they treat you like an object. I gave you a beautiful name, so everyone can remember how gorgeous of a dog you are. I treat you like my own kid, when you're hurt I'm hurting also. Whenever you whimper i cannot contain the pain so I go and caress you. Oh my Basty, if only people know how you make mommy's heart so happy....

I hope you get to live your short life as happy and free as you could be.

[thepurplefacade]

Dear God,

Tonight I prayed earnestly. I've never done this for quite a while, for some nights before this one. But it's different now. Because I cried my heart out. Not as loud as I did when I was a little kid asking you so bad for something. But this time, I know that I'm not asking you anything aside from the right kind of love.

I know, kung binigay mo siguro sakin agad yung tamang lalaki siguro hindi ko siya magagawang mahalin ng tama. Pero kung binigay mo siya agad saken siguro magagawa kong tama lahat ng mga bagay na mali kong nagagawa ngayon. Siguro kung binigay mo sakin yung chance na makilala ko siya agad hindi na ako aabot sa puntong magmamahal ako ng ibang tao na hindi ako kayang mahalin, irespeto, panindigan, hintayin...

Pareho mo ba kaming inihahanda? Sana wag naman masyadong matagal, kasi natatakot ako na baka kung mainip siya, hindi nya ako mahintay. O kung may makilala akong iba, baka mapalagpas ko ang tingin ko at hindi ko siya makita.

Sana kung ibibigay mo siya, sana malaman ko agad pag nakita ko siya. Tulungan mo akong malaman kaagad para di na ako ulit magkamali pa. Kung makikilala ko siya, magiging honest ako, faithful, igagalang at rerespetuhin ko siya, mamahalin ko siya, at magiging submissive ako kagaya ng turo mo sa bible. Ibibigay ko lahat, in sickness and in health, 'til death do us part. Pero alam ko malayo pa eh. Pero papunta na. Please stay with me, direct me to him, Lord. I surrender to you my self. I surrender to you the man that I will marry. I surrender to you our fate. This time, allow us to do it right.

[thepurplefacade]

The fire in my heart is slowly extinguishing. And the rapid growth of doubts lingers in my head. I hate to say, but I feel like I'm not a priority. Why do I feel like I'm not a priority?

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In my head, you are an idea I'd always love to think of.

In my heart, you are a beat in a song I'd run to listen to all the time.

You are my black and white.

In this lifetime, you will always be a memory of all the good things I learned the hard way. You are my fantasy in a fleeting moment of love and anguish, you are my hero in the life at sea. You tried, and I did too. I will take my promises seriously, and I hope you do too.

I love you. In this lifetime, and in the next one.

I hope I'd see you again.

[thepurplefacade]

When I'm gone,

and you're gone,

and all these fantasies are too;

To whom shall I give all this love to?

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Dear Bry,

You are soundly asleep beside me. I thought you'd look at my phone when I took my share of rest (which I think you do when you hear me snore), but this time you didn't.

I love your glow, baby. I love how those eyes open a whole new spectrum of what life possibly could be. I love when you come at night, like coming home to me has always been your routine. I love it especially when you're aware of your vulnerabilities but try to hide it so I'd believe when you tell me that you're strong enough to carry it. I love the nights and days spent with you --- if only I could spend all the remaining ones with you for the rest of our lives.

I would lie if I tell you that I don't think about your other life. About her, about Brie, about all of the dreams you've built with all the people I don't know, all the hopes your heart have, everything apart from me...

I always pray for you.

Baby, if I could meet you in another lifetime I know that I will recognize you right away. I will know, and I can tell. But in this life, I've open all my options of the things that I will do when you decide to leave me and all of my delusions about us. I hope you don't hate me. I pray that you always glow like this, my love. I didn't know I could let myself give in again after falling into the agony of my previous heartbreak. Thank you for doing the saving.

I love you, beyond all the words on this letter that you don't know the meaning of (hahaha).

Yours,

Cess

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Florets shoot as comets pass by;

Tangerine stained shirt from yesterday and your affiliations to all the people i know not seems to cradle your sweet, sweet remarks.

I'd hate to see you walk the aisle of another hall instead of the church with me.

I'd hate to do this life alone, when I have given you my heart and every inch of me---all the things you've touched, all the things I allow you to own.

A garden blooms whilst all the stars shine on me;

In the midst of all these chaos, I'd hold your hands forever.

I pray that this day never ends...

° Pattaya 2023

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Dear Pande,

There's a chaos inside my heart. This wild fire consumes my entirety. I'm sorry for passing on to you the pain. I don't mean to hurt you, I just don't know how to properly love you. I've been into so much, and I was so devastated, ruined, broken; when I got my way out of my battle. Now, I don't have any power to make a repair. I'm so tired, Pande. I'm sorry you cannot fix me. You cannot fix this with all the love that you try to give me.

[thepurplefacade]

Dear Romeo,

Unang una, gusto kitang pasalamatan. Salamat sa limang taong paghanga mo sa akin. Salamat dahil sa loob ng mahabang panahong yon, tiyak ka sa nararamdaman mo. Unfair naman ng mundo para sa iyo. Pasensya ka na kung hindi ko mababalik yung nararamdaman mo. Patawarin mo ko kung hindi ko kayang turuan ang puso ko.

Gusto ko lang malaman mo na, oo masaya ako. Masaya ako na nakilala kita, naging kaibigan, naging sandalan at sabihan ng mga bagay na nakakapagpalungkot sa akin. Baka dumating yung araw na hindi mo na ako mahalin, baka dumating yung araw na makita mo rin yung taong para sayo. Baka malungkot ako kasi iba na yung aalayan mo ng mga tula. Pero alam ko, magiging masaya ako para sayo dahil sa wakas natagpuan mo rin yung taong gagawin kang parte ng kanyang kwento.

Maraming salamat sa pagpapasaya sakin, kahit minsan corny ka naa-appreciate ko yun. Sana nakalaya ang puso mo pagkatapos mong umamin sa akin. Sana nakahinga ka ng maluwag. Sana nabawasan yung iniisip mo.

Masaya ko, sana masaya ka rin.

[thepurplefacade]

The pungent stench of alcohol that lingers from your body to mine as I embrace you from behind haunts the devil in me. The scent drives me to hold you intensely as I try to catch my breath and try not to give in. The sound of your snore and every breathing in between, were music to my ears. And the rain--- ohh the rain, the music created by nature as we clasp our hands together made every fiber in me shiver until no air comes out from my mouth.

• Pour; 04/04/23

Lanatan, Balayan, Batangas

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You know the worst thing? Hindi ko nakikitang pakakasalan mo ko.