thehydraethereal - Tumblr blog

thehydraethereal · 9 days ago

Text

GOOD HEAVENS.

Every. Single. Word. It's art, pure art. The love, the feelings so throughoutly explained and expanded - you are made for writing, my love.

How am I supposed to move on from this masterpiece?

Now We Are Free - Maximus Decimus Meridius x Princess!Reader (Part 1)

Gladiator (2000) Fanfiction

Requested by Anon

" Can i request a maximus one? Where reader is commodus and lucilla's younger sis, had a thing with maximus but commodus banished her because she took maximus's side after their father's death then maximus and her met again after he became a gladiator? The rest is up to you!"

Thanks again for requesting this, anon :)

I decided to make of it a three parts fic. One pre-movie to show the romance developing, other through the start of the movie untill Commodus takes over, then other for the reunion once Maximus becomes a gladiator. Sorry for the zero creativity title using the theme of the movie, but it fitted well with the romance.

Word Count: 19.3 K (I promise the next one will be shorter)

Warnings: I fear that "Commodus is your brother and you are the youngest sister of the family " is a heavy warning on its own. (Seriously, watch out. He is a creep and his role in this part is quite dark). Maximus is single and dreams of marrying the reader. Some pre movie events have been re-arranged or changed for the sake of the fic's plot and my vision for this story. ( for example, i erased the past romantic relationship of maximus with lucilla or the question for lucius' paternity.)

Summary: Feeling the call to fill the void left once the inevitable fate of any roman lady had found your sister had made you aware of the commitement to your brother it implies. The fragile heart of Commodus, broken with feelings of abandonement, needed of another guardian. As the youngest of his sisters, you knew that as long as you would stay with him your brother would protect you of meeting the same dreaded end.

When fortune proves to be even more adverse to you, turning you into a captive of the enemies of Rome in your way to visit your suspicious father, the blind faith you had starts fading. As leader of the impossible feat that constituted your rescue, an old acquaintance of your family named Maximus would come to free you in more than one way.

Tags: @wildsaltair

Note: Divider by @thecutestgrotto

There had once been a pact between you and your brother, an oath you made when the marriage of your eldest sister left him heartbroken. Above anything, Commodus feared abandonement, and your innocent younger self ached for him. You promised to always be there for him, going as far as stating that you wouldn't marry and leave your home to follow a husband untill he would had married. There were many things you didn't understand back then because you were close to become a woman, but weren't one yet. All you knew was that you adored him above any other, and you resented the mere idea of leaving him alone to be someone's wife.

In his ways with you he had taught you that he was the only man whose love and approval you would ever need to seek. Believing your father's was forever lost to you, he occupied the gap as the man of the home you were inclined to please. Through the hardships of your early years, you found shelter in Commodus. There was no identity you could have formed in being the daughter of an absent father, so you seeked for it in being a devoted sister putting her brother on a pedestal.

Despite she herself often ended up acting like a mother to you both, Lucilla had always encouraged you to find yourself instead. She observed your situation with concern, fearing you would happily become the echo of his voice just to secure his affections. Your fragile sense of being, affected by the environmental pressure to find worth only in the validation of men, made you particularly vulnerable to his manipulation. The years following her wedding were particularly hard, because her exit from the home strengthened your dependance on Commodus. You had became then each other's most constant companion and he had grown to enjoy the situation.

He had been there to watch you grow into a sweet young woman completely devoted to him. Hearing you repeat excuses to every man of Rome that intended to approach you filled him with pride. If they wanted you, they would have to know patience was required, for you would never leave home before your brother would have a wife that could look after him in your absense. Neither of you were planning for that day to come in the near future, since he assured you protection against a dreaded arranged marriage while you would make him company.

Rumours eventually reached your father, who came out horrified when your answers to his letters confirmed it. Claiming you refused to seek marriage to stay with Commodus was an alarm imposible to ignore. For this he sent for you, and you alone, to visit the military camps in Germania. Lucilla would have been unable to accompany you because she was already the mother of a little kid that needed of her, while Commodus was formally banned by his explicit command. Based in the knowledge of his children he did have, your father judged you an innocent victim of your brother.

Too little, too late had his intervention arrived and because he sincerely feared a scandall. The power over you that Commodus had was fertile ground for his depraved tendencies, yet another of the failures as a father that tormented him. Even as the bare minimum, to save his own reputation and the family's, he needed to attempt rescuing you. However, more drastically than any paternal reprehension could, a twist of fate acted for him.

Ironically, your liberation started with an act of kidnap. When you became the targeted victim of a barbarian raid in your way to see him.

Stucked in such horrible situation, for once you couldn't rely on Commodus to help you face adversity. Finding the hideout of the germanic rebels through those dark forests would have been a true feat for any general, and doing it quickly was nearly impossible. You were on your own, at the mercy of your father's enemies. Captivity forced you to develop resourcefullness and a weaponless courage, making you find in yourself some of the qualities you admired from your brother. Gradually, it also became the startpoint for your questioning of many learned conceptions and behaviors.

Spending many days surrounded of the men roman women were taught to fear, nobody had laid a hand on you with ill intentions. Among them, a particularly impetuous warrior even got to show you kindness. The mere sight of him used to frighten you, for he was abnormally big even for the measures of that race of giants. Through gestural communication he let you see he was taking no pleasure in your tears of fright. To compensate for it he had managed to make you laugh, and later on, he even shielded you with his own body from the cold. In the embrace of the barbarian you only received the chaste care needed to survive the winter night. This savage kidnapper, strong enough to do with you whatever he pleased, had merely laid still to share his heat.

It was your brother who asked for kisses whenever he would climb to your bed. Like when you were younger, you would kiss only his cheeks and forehead, but that had stopped being enough for him. You weren't kids anymore, and he had started to make intimacy escalate. Commodus liked to caress your lips pretending he was asking for permission, then claim them for himself. He would lay his head on your chest, let his hands roam the sides of your body and fill you with praise. He said you were beautifull, you were special. You were his, to look after and to love, because you were his dear sister. He would instruct you not to tell Lucilla, since she wouldn't understand. She left for a husband, she had deserted him like you never would. It was normal, it was fine. He would still respect your virginity, for he never intended to hurt you. He cared for you, he loved you more than any other man ever would and it was all just a different form of exploring this devotion.

A blindfold made of love and naivety was starting to come loose. Like in the platonic allegory of the cave, once you saw the light there was no turning back to the way it was.

With no certainity of when your salvation could arrive, or if this would even happen in the first place, you had plenty of time ot be alone with your thoughts. When your captors would have realized that Emperor Marcus Aurelius cared more about conquering them than saving his family, your life would be at risk because they wouldn't need you anymore. Even if your honor was as safe as it could be, custodied by the giant taking a liking of you, the fear of death was always there. Asking yourself the questions your survival depended of was settling yourself for another heartbreak. Would the same father that left you at the mercy of Commodus care if the barbarians were hurting you? Fantasizing of being abandoned by your family to become part of the tribe sometimes sounded better than waiting for a rescue. At least, if your heart wouldn't ache for Lucilla and how she would be left to deal with the men on her own.

One thing was clear: your times were surely not the ones of Rome. To the Legion, its General and his Emperor, your abduction was the perfect excuse to push the war further. To the rebels, you were currency for a transaction that could hopefully kick the romans out of the land they considered their own. If it took ten years for Helen to leave a burned down Troy even despite both armies used to speak similar languages, you could as well end up wasting a lifetime there.

Getting yourself ready for anything, you prioritized your own safety. In the development of your survival strategies you have ended up amazed of yourself. Lucilla would have been so proud of you, if only she could have seen you. She was the onlyone you still had full trust on, yet also the only one who didn't have a said in the situation and couldn't help the decision making that would determinate your fate.

Before you could have started to abandon all hope, roman rescuers finally came to find you. Not precisely the elite of the Legion, but a team of soldiers following a rebellious leader that defied orders from their general in order to save you. Decided to find the hideout or die trying, this brave man ignored the times of Rome because he understood you could be running out of your own. He had your best interest in consideration, and above anything else.

Maximus, name that resonated with you from tales of your siblings. You haven't had the pleasure of meeting him untill he became your savior. Maximus, of beautifull blue eyes and the kindest smile you have ever seen. The one man that proved you he was capable of putting his pride aside for you, of placing you above his own needs.

The one that would come to show you what love was trully supposed to feel like.

You couldn't return to Rome inmediately, because you weren't mentally or physically prepared for another travel. Rejecting even the vague offers of comfort from your own father, initially you only trusted in the safety that the company of Maximus provided. He experienced your preference as a great honor that the Emperor allowed in base of the convoluted state of things.

Even if he had to break the rules for it, he had succeeded on his superior's failure commanding an operation that was nearly suicidal. The war was still on course, but you were safe, and it was normal to expect you asking for the man who had returned you to safety. Marcus Aurelius himself was thankfull of the outcome, and he imagined your grattitude would be even greater.

From his perspective of father, he decided that if you had choosen Maximus as the one helping you heal, then he would have someone helping him to deal with you in such difficult time. He choose to treat it like a small contextually explainable indulgence. As an Emperor, he needed him to get from you the details of your captivity you wouldn't tell him or the higher commanders. Valuable intelligence could be deciphered from stories of your time living among the enemies, but you refused to discuss the topic with anyone else. You feared judgement, specially regarding your honor of maiden. Even if the barbarians haven't insulted it, you feared most roman men would likely be inclined to believe they did. Maximus wasn't like them, he didn't care and wouldn't act as if your value had been diminished.

To him you have showed sides of you that nobody knew, sometimes because the context leave you without a choice. The very first sight of you that the men of the Legion got was far distant of what anyone could have envisioned for the daughter of their ruler. Enduring privations had deteriorated your beauty, even if your bearing conserved a royal dignity. Presenting to your own people in such state ashamed you, making very hard for you to envision the reasuming of your role. You weren't a princess anymore, because you didn't feel like one in the slightest. Everything you were taught in Rome one should embody was gone, starting by the most obvious requirement of royal-worthy looks.

Wrapped in a transitional attire made of whatever they could find around the camp, your presence was ludicrous. Maximus himself had borrowed you some of his own clothes to inmediatly replace the slavery wearing. A simple white tunic to combine with a short blue woolen cloak, that you wore with the only caligae small enough to fit you comfortably. Despite very thankfull for the kindness, you hated your aspect. From the very little you knew of him prior to your meeting, you knew Maximus have met your sister. He knew how a real princess looked like, and you were then in front of him on an oversized tunic that looked like a sheet.

" I look like a shapeless entity. ... Do you have any belts I can wear? "

The simple request didn't find an inmediate answer, since your savior seemed lost in his own thoughts. He observed you in silence, and the call from reality didn't work to bring him out of his reverie.

" ... I don't intend to come out as an insufferable royal being too demmanding, but some of my vanity is slowly returning. "

Even if it wasn't your intention, the joke acted as a funny callout that got you his direct attention. He practically jumped in search of the item you requested from him.

" It's perfectly understandable, Highness. Do not hesitate on telling me of your every need, I am at your service. "

When he turned back through the fullfillment of the task you became brave enough to share your own thoughts on the situation.

" I know what you are thinking, this is ridiculous. I bet Lucilla didn't look like this when you meet her."

From a wrong path you had arrived to a correct conclussion. If your self reproach pointed to your idea of how a princess had to look in order to cause a good impression, you were completely ignorant to other aspects of that first look. It was true, you didn't look royal, but you didn't need to do so in order to mesmerize him.

It was special, intimate in a way that should have been banned from his sight. You were wearing his clothes, and you were looking lovely doing so. Not as an impossible vision, but a domestic one that resulted even more inviting, specifically aimed for him. If you would have came to him presented as you thought a proper princess should, the lines would be more clear. Ignoring the context, you could have as well been a peek of the most tender of his dreams.

His tunic never looked as good as it did on you and he struggled to not let you know. In that moment you didn't resemble a princess, but the reference image for his future wife. Thought strictly forbidden for him, even absurd, but sweet enough to hold him spellbound.

" Don't underestimate the charm of an approachable appearance."

The vague praise made you chuckle in blessed unawareness of the effect caused. All you could think about was that your looks were terrible precisely when you wanted to finally be glanced upon by a man who wasn't your brother. You wanted Maximus to find you beautifull, to make you feel the princess your rescuer deserved.

" This is not how a princess is meant to look. "

it broke his heart, seeing how the expectations fell so heavy in you. If you would allow him, in his company he would let you rest from all of that.

" After the terrible hardships you endured, it should be the less of your concerns. " He sweetly advised, then presented you with a simple leather belt to match the outfit. " A princess is more than how she looks like, and your strenght is more noble than any luxurious garments."

It touched your emotions, perhaps deeper than what a simple praise to your looks would have accomplished even if you were feeling insecure. By choosing to remark a different quality Maximus wasn't comforting you out of a lost one. He wasn't talking out of pity, claiming you were a strong girl because you couldn't be a beautifull one.

" Do you think I can still make the people admire me?"

You clumsily attempted to adjust the belt without looking at what you were doing because your eyes chased his as you waited for an answer.

Struggling to be exactly as honest as he needed without exposing himself completely, Maximus prioritized the respect to your rank over his own feelings.

" You have my admirations right here and right now, my lady. There is no past version of yourself I need to meet in order to feel that in my heart."

He admired you as if you were something sacred, but he respected you as a tangible person with her own feelings, times and limits. The soft approach of the soldier often felt like adoration, but it was of a kind you weren't adjusted to. His affection was not conditional, when you were with him you had no one to please. There was no instance in where shaping into whatever you could guess was wanted of you would make you obtain the deserved reward for your obbedience. This was simply because Maximus had no settled expectations you should fullfill for him.

No amount of worship would have twisted his humble manners, and there was nothing he demmanded of you. In his company you were challenged to be yourself and this stimulated your newly found independance. He was discovering you at the very same time you were finding yourself. As a result, his foundness of you was completely genuine and not the result of his influence morphing you into his desires.

The woman you were with him was the happiest you have ever been. Soon, you realized that you were experiencing all the thoughts and feelings most would have allowed themselves way sooner. You daydreamed of kissing him under the moonlight, of sneaking to his tent for cuddles. Of him telling you that he loved you, and maybe someday, choosing you as his wife.

Your imagination had its first portrait of an ideal husband, someone making you want to rush into marriage. Your tender heart, younger than your body was, had been pierced by the arrow of Cupid. Amazed by the new sensations, you didn't bother in asking yourself for the viability of such dream. The political plans of your father and the opinions of your brother got you careless. For once, you were indulging yourself in only wondering if Maximus would feel the same.

The doubt grew at the speed your thoughts increased, and sometimes your curiosity would cross the limits.

In one given time, once you have catched him in lower guard, you dared to be very direct. The intensity of his gaze had ruined your focus to plan the next move in the strategy table game you were playing, precisely because he was too attentive of your contemplative expression.

Your eyes found his and you both chuckled for a brief instant, untill your cheerfull expression adquired notes of seriousness to deliver a question that landed like tease.

" Maximus, … do you think I am beautifull? "

He looked down, quick as if his eyes had suddenly become unworthy of your image.

" If you are trying to test me, know that I will never hurt you. "

Always kind beyond measure, driven by his sense of duty guided with a special sensibility. The consideration that you could be letting your post captivity fears talk was already elevated for the average understanding of a man. You wondered if he trully thought so, or if what scared him was listening to your heart speak.

" I know enough of men who claim they will never hurt you, and they allways hurt the deepest. If I know that you won't hurt me, it's because you have proven it to me … You are not like them, so don't excuse yourself like them. "

The game stopped mattering, it was practically a background excuse to be together on legitimate terms.

" Are you talking of your father, highness? Or is it Commodus? "

His guess was so on spot that you couldn't help being amazed once more. You already knew he was an old acquaintance of your brother, but you have never discussed yet his opinions on him.

" Both, they anger me. Nothing of this would have happened if father wouldn't have abandon me. All this time, he only waited untill it would be convenient for him to save me. He knew I could get hurt, but did nothing. "

Maximus imagined your disenchantment was only about the barbarian attack and your delayed rescue. He didn't know why Commodus wasn't coming with you in the trip of the accident, but guessed it had something to be with his bad relationship with your father. He thought you blamed him for making you be forced to travel alone, and the Emperor for leaving your fate in the hands of a few disobbedient soldiers.

Not only he wanted to comfort you, but to clear only the aspects he felt he could through his perspective.

" Highness, I watched your father get crushed by powerlessness to the reports of the General. Do not think Caesar was any less concerned for you just because my commander's advice invited to prioritize the fate of the war in disguise of caution for your safety. "

To you, it all felt as a nice attempt of excusing the emperor he served with faith and devotion.

" He doesn't care, Maximus. Never did, all what matters is his reputation and the fear that Commodus may have taught me to stain it. He won't have to worry about him anymore, everyone would be talking of how the savages have rotten me."

Pretending to ignore your disgust to those thoughts, you moved the last stone in the table as if you suddenly intended to resume the game.

Maximus had something else to add before shame would make you shut yourself completely.

" I've heard very different rumours. It could be said you have strenghtened the morale around here: plenty of soldiers on the Legion dreamed of being your hero. "

You felft encouraged and it made you get a bit more daring in a new attempt of making a move to show him your interest. Leaning closer to the table, and right in front of him, you gifted him a little smirk before questioning him about it.

" Were you perhaps one of them?"

" I wanted to fullfill my duty of returning you to the troubled father that, despite of his mistakes, suffered enough to share his sorrow with this soldier. " He simply stated, going back to his original point. " I chased no rewards, neither from the Emperor or his beautifull daughter. "

His confession was so subtle he almost wished it would have gone unnoticed.

" I sincerely hope you aren't talking of Lucilla. That could get you in trouble, she is a married woman. " You teased him in return. " I am still a free maiden. Commodus frightens any man daring to look in my direction, but I believe that wouldn't be a problem for you. Whispers had came to my ears that you have never been afraid of him."

He looked at you in disbelief and you smiled innocently, curling with your fingertips a strand of hair falling at the side of your face.

" I don't fear your brother, but I respect your father and the certainty that I am not what he must want for you. " Maximus clarified, suddenly standing up only to approach you from another angle.

Kneeling beside you as if he would be swearing allegiance or offering himself for sacrifice, he whispered his confession in a deep, calming tone.

" Your beauty is like the one I find on the stars in the night sky. Too distant for me to even dream with anything else but endlessly contemplate you. Knowing me your savior is no excuse to pretend otherwise. Your admiration for me comes from a very fragile place: the one of a frightened woman who rushed into my arms for protection ... What kind of man would I be, abusing from the trust my lady has given me? When your reliance on my word is stronger than your own father's ... How would I misguide you against his wishes? My thoughts or feelings matter very little, I want what is best for you. "

Your perceptions were beyond belief, for he challenged everything you thought you knew about love. In the terms you considered it, the concept was about giving yourself entirely and never giving up. It resembled the image of a comforting prison, where the price to pay for affection was surrender. Relinquishment as a form of devotion, someone deciding to let you go because they loved you, was a chance often estranged from you.

Nobody had came to tell you that love could set you free, untill he did. In a sweet attempt of letting you know you were loved, but he felt unworthy of you. He, who had gone through all the dangers of that dark forest and the most ferocious warriors Rome ever stood against just to bring you back home. Back to your brother, who treated you as if you were his favorite toy. His doll, his to adore as long as you would allways follow his game.

If with that speech he intended to sent you away, your beloved soldier had caused the contrary effect.

" Can't you see it? You are the best for me, Maximus. And someday my father will see it. My rescue has proved him your courage, it has already started. Even If I have to put some of my own work in opening his eyes, he will see you like I do. I will approach him, maybe one day forgive him, but I will do it for you."

He took your hand in order to place a soft, chaste kiss on the back of your hand.

" Do it for yourself, because you deserve it, and your father deserves a chance to find out he has yet another excellent daughter."

He raised up, but his attempt of doing an exit reverence got interrumpted by your sweet giggles.

" You forgot of my brother ... Was that on purpose? "

He looked down, briefly hidding a mischievous smirk.

" I was taught that If you have nothing nice to say of someone, it's better to stay silent. "

Searching for your complicity on the infidence, he showed you his smile and you took his hand in order to stop him from leaving.

" You claim to fear I could be idealizing you to my own risk, but it's my brother who I have turned a blind eye on all my life. Love made me ignore all his faults, make excuses for him, so I encourage you to speak your mind. If I trust you, it's because you proved yourself to me. I am not searching for a new Idol to follow. "

That was the first moment of a new part of your life, one where you had finally decided to fight for a life of your own. Like the one Lucilla had, and all the ladies of your age were supposed to, but alongside the best man on the Empire. A military camp in the edge of a war worked as framework for your romance, place that was source of many sorrows yet ironically created solidarity bonds rarely seen in Rome. The Legion was like a family to Maximus and whenever you were with him, the other soldiers would embrace your presence.

Everywhere he would lead you, possibilities for new connections occured. While Commodus had once isolated you from the world in the name of love, Maximus invited you to be a part of it. Loving him was also starting to love new people and feel encouraged on it. Acting as a well intentioned bridge between you and his Emperor, he even managed to help you approach your father. It turned out he was thrilled to find out by his reports that you had made clever use of captivity to learn the bits from the language of the tribe. Pretending he wanted you to help him with his notes for chronicles of the war so you wouldn't react with hostility, he made of your encounters more than a simple interrogation session.

When reaching the topic of your nice barbarian companion, your opinions on the situation emerged and you didn't shy away from sharing your mind. Defending and possibly saving a man that had show you kindness when he didn't have to was more important than pleasing your father with nice phrases fitting what you guessed he believed. Then, you explained him that you weren't interested in revenge and being presented with the corpses of your captors wouldn't make you feel safer. Dangers were not confined to the borders of Germania, and some exemplary punishment wouldn't change that. If of you depended, you would let the war take its previous course and ask for a sword to carry on travels with its matching combat instructor.

With no will to impress him put in your answer, your practical wisdom had ironically amazed him. He had found proof of how, by influence of the blessed mind of Lucilla or the gods showing mercy on his sufferings, you grew up into a virtuous person. Kind, just and full of compassion. A softer balance for your sister's calculative manners that could have made of you both perfect co-emperors. One, a strict man of State in good terms with the Senate and the Army, while the other could have ruled with softness to be loved by the people.

He had two proper princesses that, not even joining forces, could have inspired any virtue in the heart of the heir prince. You were unable to rule, and Commodus wasn't a fitting successor. Observing the growth of Maximus frustrated him in regards of his own family situation. Slowly, but consistently, the man had came to amaze him as well. With his popularity growing after your rescue, he didn't rest on the triumph and worked even harder. Being exented from the disciplinary sanction for dissobeying his superior, or winning the favor of a young princess seemed to him like mere fortunate accidents. His discipline, humility, courage and ethic were not compromised, but motivated by everything he had accomplished.

The passing of time only kept confirming one very uncomfortable truth becoming harder to hide: that man embodied all the virtues he valued. He was the living, breathing image of the son he always wanted. The one who existed only in his imaginary of what could have been, of what should have been, for his bloodline to carry a good legacy. Maximus was a soldier in birth, with spirit of the ideal prince. Capable of mixing himself with the hierarchs and inspire devoted loyalty in the common soldiers, of performing one and thousand times authentic feats in battle. Everywhere he went, winning the respects of everyone who meet him in base of sincere merits. Of a heart as strong and corageous as it was pure. Uncorrupted by Rome and its licencious ways, sometimes giving him the impression of being genuinely impossible to corrupt.

A true test of character was the closeness he allowed him to have with you, perhaps because he awaited for a dissapointment. An infatuated princess curious for her savior was, after all, an excellent bait to expose the true colors of his soul. You were to him a constant provocation to corrupt his duty, a charming little lady whose presence had the effect of a blooming flower miraculosly found in the iced grounds. Reports of dangerous misbehavior wouldn't be hard to obtain from any other of the men nearby, but that haven't been necesary. Faithfull to your dignity and his role, Maximus endured and passed every test. Sometimes, even some that were settled on purpose by the Emperor himself.

It had finally occured to him that father and daughter could be oddly aiming for the same fantasy. You dreamed in vain with the chance of being with him,with the old objections about marriage created on Commodus' expectatives long forgotten, and he admired Maximus as the son he should have had. Your impossible aspirations were perfectly complementary and his humble origins were the main obstacle standing in the way.

Situation destined to change, because such excellent man could only keep growing in his service to Rome. He worked his way to a deserved promotion during that very same campaign, honor that Marcus Aurelius would have given him sooner If he wouldn't have rejected the mere whisper of a suggestion for it untill being completely self convinced of deserving it. Succeding in the failure of his General commanding the rescue operation that saved the princess with minimal resources was already a good reason to consider him for a replacement. Being followed in such riskfull quest also proved he was capable of awakening a devotion in the men that the cold-hearted roman tactician could only dream with.

It made him too bussy to spend as much time with you as he initially used to, but you were inmensely happy for him. Specially, because he deserved it without doubt and nobody dared to claim you had anything to do with it. You got to share with him the joy of his first victories as a General, and see the animosity his leading inspired on the fighters. Many things were changing, but the only constant was the love that kept growing between you.

Eventually, your siblings came to take you back to Rome. Commodus decided to interpret the message telling the good news of your rescue as if his father would be sending for him to take care of you. Lucilla followed him out of her understandable wish of seeing you again, but also compelled on the duty of being his stabilizing force. Imagining how hard it must have been for her to deal with him after the news of your kidnap, on top of her own worries, would make you feel horrible. For most, you used to hide your problems from her on fears of being a burden. Sharing the load of your brother's was your obligation, but you never wanted her to be overtasked on your cause.

The image of the arribal for your so longed reuinion was the opposite of their expectatives. For a freed captive of the ferocious germanics, you looked quite lifefull. Surrounded by a group of soldiers, joking with them as you wielded a sword in combative pose to charge back. Guards were surrounding the scene, an excentric training session that was then being suddenly interrupted when you looked at them from behind your shoulder. Your sister was barely able to hide her joy was getting mixed with a strange sense of amusement. Not only she was extremely relieved to see you were alright, but had accidentally accomplished the feat of making Commodus briefly speechless.

You couldn't easily tell if the silence meant dissaprobal or mesmerizement, but he rushed towards you leaving Lucilla slightly behind.

" Barbarians had clearly infected your customs … Why Is my dear sister fighting legionaries like Boudica? "

The tease brought a sense of familiarity to you. It reminded you that, to him, it was as if nothing had changed.

" Nobody will catch me unprepared again. " Was your simple reply, slightly drier than what would have been your usual. " I don't aim to be a warrioress, just to be able to defend myself when men fail me. Those who weild swords are harder to submit. "

He didn't follow the indirect, or ignored on purpose your subtle inclussion of him in the message. Perhaps it was imposible for him picturing himself as the one who had failed you. As the one you didn't feel safe to be alone with anymore.

Would anyone believe you if you could confess that, in what came to unwanted touch, you feared him more than the barbarians?

His eyes were capturing you with intensity, as if he tried to subtly consume every difference found in your new image.

" My beloved, your beauty grew with each moment we were apart."

For an instant, you regretted to have dropped the weapon.

" Dont lie to comfort me, Commodus. The legions don't have any cosmetics I could use. "

" But your big sister brought some. " Lucilla called from behind, deviating your attention before he could be the first one to trap you in his arms. " Luckly, not in need to disguise a single bruise. "

You rushed to hug her, clinging stronger than you even intended. As you both melted in the tenderness of the moment, you finally felt safe enough with her to whisper a call for aid low enough to not be overheard.

" By my captors I was respected, they are not who concerns me now. "

She understood and followed your plead, keeping you close beside her for a bit longer.

" How has the travel treated you? "

Lucilla took your hand and followed the conversation with normal mundanity, avoiding on purpose to make you revisit the painfull aspects of the kidnap with any sort of questioning.

" It was long and boring. We increased the precautions: better travelling slow, but safely. What happened to you was a misfortune nobody could have prevented, but … "

" … It could have been avoided, If only father would have trusted me. " Commodus interrupted her, craving to get all the attention back on himself and even daring to make your tragedy about him. " She should have never travelled without me! And from now on, never again she will. I should have been there to protect her from those beasts! "

Your grip on your sister's hand became tighter as you stoicly endured the disbelief. Despite you were the one that have been taken hostage, he was demmading comfort for himself. Being honest with yourself meant you couldn't completely blame him for it, because it was behavior that you used to allow. Neglecting yourself untill only him would matter was just the normality between you.

" If you would have joined me, you would have died. You are the heir prince, Commodus! Of being you, they would have seeked your death to break the direct line of succession and weaken the Empire. "

The quickness of your fake reaction had impressed Lucilla, who already sensed a deeper change coming to you from the experience.

" … What would have bought them time, since drastical political problems would affect the continuity of the war."

He smiled at you both showing genuine tenderness, pleased in your concern.

" Then I should honor her sacrifice … "

As he approached to kiss your forehead, the contradictive feelings struck you. Despite you hated what he did, he was your brother. You grew up loving him and you wondered if you could ever get to hate him.

" Since it was not in my power to protect you, I must secure a vengeance … And you will be avenged, sister!! The land will bleed for what they have done to you. "

He finally wrapped you in his arms and you tried hard not to exteriorize your disdain for his words, for he was completely unaware of how ironical his passionate thirst for violence sounded then to you. So quick was he demmading revenge for the damages of others, but who would avenge you from his inappropiate caresses? For the strange feeling in your gut when he called you beautifull?

If you had to think all the wrongs you endured in terms of a list of people to hunt down for revenge, Commodus himself should be the one to die ahead of them. It was one of the reasons why you couldn't get yourself to embrace any vindicative feelings towards the tribe no matter how badly many romans there wished for those to be awakened.

" … And I suppose you will collect that blood yourself? Are you considering to join the Army, brother? My saviors would be avid to receive you."

You softened the blow with a sweet smile followed by a peck on his cheek, then squeezed harder into the hug. Loving gesture in which you safely unleashed your agresiveness, the confusing mix of care and anger you were feeling towards him.

" i will personally thank them, If that satisfies you. I can't wait to meet the brave men who accomplished this service to our family. "

A light of mischievous bliss lit up in your mind, realizing not aiming for vengeance didn't mean fate had denied you of oportunities for justice. He was ignorant of many things, not only your growth away from him. Aspects that could potentially bother him more than any private vent of your feelings to his face, than any escalating discussion where you could be direct.

Letting him observe the happiness that you found away from him would speak for you and that would have to be enough. You meant no harm to come to him, since the onlyone trully capable of hurting him was the one that had originally damaged you all.

" The commander of my rescue is with our father planning the war, but I am sure they are being told of your arrival as we speak ... You can see him right now! "

In your usual sweet and cheerfull manners around him you guided him. Only Lucilla suspected a trap, what you confirmed for her in a subtle exchange of glances. Still unsure for the source of your attitude, but having her own personal guesses about it, she followed silently untill finding out what was going on.

When Marcus Aurelius emerged from his tent in company of this commander, all her doubts were clarified. The growing horror in Commodus' being, that she could sense no matter how well he tried to hide, was proportional to your enchanted bliss. The situation had you guiding them as if it would about introducing your siblings to a new suitor that your father evaluated. At least, that was the energy she perceived in your approach.

Standing in between the two pairs of people about to re-encounter, your enthusiasm was circunstantially left to lead the moment.

" Dear brother, beloved sister ... This is Maximus, my rescuer. I believe you know each other already, but I wanted to be the one to tell you of his feat. He is the bravest man on this camp! On his own, followed only by loyal friends, he fought his way through the forest untill finding me."

In their presence your epic remembrance of the facts awakened his modesty even earlier than usual.

" it was my duty, Highness. I did what I considered was of best interest as a servant of Rome, loyal to Caesar."

Your father smiled in approbal of him, keeping you attentive of the reaction.

" His lack of vanity is impressive, so often this hero underestimates himself!

The man being honored didn't have Commodus in high regard, but you could guess the feeling was mutual observing how he pretended to play along with a fake smile.

You had fallen in love with someone he despised, what you haven't consider before due to never being able to watch them interact.

" Commodus is so thankfull he was eager to honor him in my name. My brother knows me so well he already guessed that would make me extremely joyfull."

Seeing you pergeniate such tricky situation with a mask of innocence was thrilling Lucilla, who witnessed it fearing how much you would make it escalate carefull of not outing yourself.

For the sake of his own flatering words, that he used to appease you, Commodus was then forced to fake adulation to Maximus.

" My friend! In late, but fortunate hour you have came to meet the youngest of my sisters. Rome misses her as much as we do, now thanks to you she will be able to return and leave this nightmare behind."

Maximus answered with a humble reverence.

" Guarding her has been my honor, Highness. "

With carefull selection of her speech, Lucilla approached on genuine thankfullness.

" You did more than that: she is living again. And for this I will forever thank you. No reward we could grant you matches the joy I feel seeing her. "

You smiled for her, then proceeded to pridefully praise him even further.

" He achieved a promotion, … he is now our General. An excellent General, by the way. On his way to become the greatest Rome currently has."

The weaponization of your genuine pride was not going completely unnoticed in the eyes of your father.

" There is no need for you to endorse him, we get proof of his valor and virtue everyday. " He stopped you with certain amusement, then spoke directly to the man beside him. " Maximus, would you guard her once more as I discuss with her siblings the matters of their presence? "

Both his phrasing and the side look given to your brother made emphasis on him being the unwelcomed one, while Lucilla was more of a pleasantly unexpected visitor. Despite the cause was reasonable, he had never given the explicit request for a complete family reunion. The sight of his son seemed to bother him, even if he was doing nothing to cause it.

Normally, your heart would be jumping rabidly inside your chest observing his attitude. Swallowing your desire to recriminate him for being so cruel with Commodus, you would have turned to him and his sad eyes would have broken your heart. Then, you would have rushed to comfort him. To tell him that your father was mistaken, and he was the sweetest man you ever knew. That someday he would realize of his value, when he would become a great Emperor and you would be so proud of him. As you already were, because he was the best brother and you were thankfull to have him taking care of you.

In that moment, you grabbed Maximus' arm and walked away without looking back. With him you have discovered what loving protectiveness was trully about, so you couldn't repeat a speech that to you would then feel as empty lies. Even if he thought he was doing so, you brother did the opposite of caring for you. For once, you didn't feel sorry for Commodus and didn't mind to leave him behind enduring the hatefullness of your father.

As those thoughts occupied you, the General was coming to his own conclussions. Your silence walking through the camp with him, as the strenght of your grip, had given you away.

" Why were you flattering me like that? You never behave like this, specially in presence of your father ... Where you using me for bragging, Highness? I hope my frienship with your sister hasn't awakened any pointless jealousy. "

His guess made you chuckle. Not only for being wrong, but on base of the too formal delivering of it.

" There is too many of us here now, Maximus. You must start calling me by my name. "

He looked at the side so your eyes would meet his for only an instant, as if he intended to let you evaluate the honesty of his words as he pronounced himself.

" Worry not, for my heart remains yours ... Highness. "

The title left his lips like a lovefull whisper, and you instinctively moved closer.

" I know, that is not what worries me. " You then confessed with mischievous charm. " If I must go back to him, Commodus has to know I am not alone anymore. He has to know that I have choosen you and there is nothing he can do about it. "

As it would be reasonable for him to imagine, Maximus thought your will to rebel had to be with the mutual dislike you sensed among them.

" Your brother may have many flaws, but I am sure he wants the best for you. In the perceptions of many I must not be worthy of your affections. If he will seek to protect you from me, I will understand it. "

Everything in his last sentence sounded backguards to you. He had no idea of what he was saying and he couldn't possibly know.

Since you have realized of what Commodus tried to do of you, all you could feel was shame.

" He lied to me! He once said young brides are like Iphigenia, because marriage is like death for women and all girls get sacrificed in the altar of our fathers' ambitions. He made me believe he was protecting me from it, so father won't give me away to a despicable man that would make me suffer. "

You stopped in your tracks, then whispered for him a frightening conclussion you had came to terms with during your time away from Rome.

Commodus was a despicable man, a hypocrite who pretended to be saving you from others like him.

" It's not just you, Maximus. No man will ever be worthy in his eyes, because he just wants me to never marry … To never leave the palace. It's not about protecting me, but serving his selfish needs. "

To a kind hearted man like the one who had win you over, the only explanation for that was your brother scheming to secure succession. Maximus thought Commodus worried about how another man making his way into the family would increase competition for the throne. If he disencouraged you from thinking of marriage, negating you the possiblity of believing you could aim for a good one, that was to save himself of a new contestant. The longer he would manage to delay your wedding, the better positioned he would remain.

That guess barely scratched the surface of the situation, but it was enough for him to capture part of your reasoning.

" I have yet to become the man you deserve, but I don't believe marriage would be the end of all happiness for you if it's not to me. "

His selflessness kept astonishing you, convincing you even further that he was the one for you.

" It's precisely why you have became so important to me. I know Commodus thinks I can't find happiness away from him, but I found you. "

At that point you were facing him, staring right in front and close enough to feel tortured. He was gatefull that at least you weren't putting him in such situation on a very accesible section of the camp where everyone could see you.

" It's not meant to last, my lady. "

Just slightly tilting your head up made you able to feel the hotness from his breath penetrating the cold environment.

" Then why does my father trust me so easily to your care? My worst days as a recovering victim of the enemy are over, yet he hasn't changed this. "

You had an excellent point, but he had no answer.

" It's not in me to question Caesar's choices, his motivations don't concern me. "

Exactly what you could expect from him, but you weren't giving up.

" I may not know him too well, but my hope isn't reasonless. He has granted us time to get involved, and Marcus Aurelius has never spared any of his descendants without a convenient motive … What does he seek, Maximus? When he sees my feelings for you grow everyday and does nothing. "

You began to toy with the wolf's teeth of his necklace and his eyes followed the movement of your hand as he listened to your conjectures.

" Have you noticed how the Legion admires us? Their love for you reaches me everytime we are together among your men. I think they see how unfair it is for my savior to not get to keep me … You know the old rule of the legends: whoever rescues the princess gets to take her home. "

It made him chuckle, despite you exposed a truth. His men were so loyal to him that, if he would be catched kissing you, they would start pretending they didn't see it.

" We have evolved from that. "

" Sadly, but you forgot I am becoming popular with the military and the Emperor must be watching. " You followed, with cunning mischievousness." Lucilla gets along with the politicians, so being liked by the soldiers gives me something distinctive he can work with. "

From that point, your talk began to feel estranged of yourself because you were strictly envisioning a possible route for the political treatment of your situation.

Interests were aligned for you to make good use out of being used.

" … His young daughter is the new face of the war, simbolically vigorizing old excuses for it. Her story motivates men that think of protecting their own distant women. What would be more perfect than marrying her to the General that embodies the fight? "

Placing your lips against his, you pressed softly two following times. By the third, your efforts found his response when his seeked for yours in the same gesture.

His hands grabbed yours, keeping them at the sides in a mutual effort for not touching each other. You resisted with stoic dignity the urge to pass the barrier of the lips and get a taste of each other's mouths, resorting to dry kisses that weren't any less passionate. Restrained, but latent was the intensity of your love. Maximus helped you contain it as if he would be self promising not to indulge himself further untill he would have proved himself worthy of you.

" Sounds so plausible I could almost believe it … You make me dream too high. "

One last peck to his soft lips worked as approbation for his saids, before you would proceed to make one more confession.

" You are the first dream I have that belongs to me alone, and I will fight for you."

The obstacles had nothing to do with his real worth, but more with the issues of your own family. Fighting Commodus scared you even more than having to face your father. Although inflexible in what came to issues threatening your sense of duty, the Emperor was still a man you could reason with.

At least you were happy to see that through her usual sutility Lucilla had let you know she was your ally. Nothing escaped the sharp perception of your sister, who seemed more captivated by your displays of individuality than by any tales about your life among the enemy. Whatever lessons captivity may have imparted you didn't stay forgotten in the ground you were rescued from, but followed you on the way back to your people. The transformation of your attitude didn't respond a mere change of masters from your brother to your father, and your pursuement of Maximus didn't have you chasing him like an adaptable shadow hunting validation.

To her great surprise, the one whose opinion you asked then was hers. As soon as you obtained a moment to be on your own, while she was showing you some of the things she brought from Rome.

" Have I dissapoint you? I know I didn't manage the receivement of our brother as nicely as I should. You may think I am being too harsh with him, but he has never been fair with me. I did my best to replace you at home, but what I can give is now not good enough. He wants more, ... he allways wants more. And he takes from me as if it would given for granted."

You didn't need to explain more for your sister to understand enough and wrap you in her arms, so you proceeded to apologise.

" It's my fault, I should have listened to you instead of enabling him. As long as you could closely watch over me, you did your best to teach me right. "

She kissed the top of your head, then gently corrected you.

" You are not the one to blame for our brother's ways, it's him who fails as a caretaker of you. I need you to understand that you weren't any less innocent then than facing the kidnap. As nobody would blame you for being abducted, don't blame yourself for the time spent as a prisoner of Commodus' love. "

Her words were comforting and freeing, to what you dared doing a more direct confession.

" I have fallen in love, Lucilla. I want to get married. I want to escape, ... like you did."

The assumption implied in the last sentence made her chuckle.

" Did Commodus tell you that I married to escape him? That's absurd."

" No, but he resents your marriage. He claims father forced you to leave us. " You calmly informed her, then remembered out loud for her. " Sister, he was so fragile! I would have done anything to make his sadness fade. He acted as if you would have abandoned him, and I promised him I would never do it. You should have seen his smile when he heard me say it. His eyes were still watery, but It was like the sun. For years, nothing was to me as beautifull as the sun shinning once more in Commodus' face after I would cure his sadness. I endured wrongs I shouldn't have tolerated just to keep him contented. I got to believe I would never make anyone else as joyfull as I made him, but everytime I look into Maximus' eyes I see how wrong I was. "

Lucilla didn't judge you, she never would. She knew exactly what you meant and the image you described was fresh on her mind as you evoked it.

" I love our brother as much as you do, you know this, but his expectatives of what love should be are broken. To love someone you shouldn't need to make endless excuses for all their wrongs, or always let them get their way. Love shouldn't be a slavery of the soul, and I am glad you finally see it. Maybe facing slavery on the flesh showed it to you, or by the action of Maximus you were awakened. In either case, you must never forget that. "

You were all smiles for her and squeezed harder into the hug for an instant, showing how rejoiced you were of finding such sensible understandment in her.

" I love you, sister! As a captive I found myself missing you more than I could ever miss that palace. My merriest thought was envisioning how proud you would be of my survival. "

Lucilla caressed your cheek, ending in a short, lovely pinch of it.

" I am very proud … And I am not the onlyone. You should have listened to our father adress your courage, your adquired wisdom, how after this unfortunate experience you started to change for better … I bet Commodus wished he would have been the kidnapped one only to get this much attention. "

You laughed together, then she revealed another detail she knew you would appreciate even more.

" He spoke of Maximus as well. Very briefly, he told us of how helpfull he has been even after your rescue. I think he realizes your growth didn't come only from the suffering and sacrifice. "

You backed away just a little bit, glancing at her with an innocent expression.

" Do you think I am a fool for hoping I could have a chance to be with him?"

Given she was the cold head of the family, you trusted on Lucilla's verdict above your perhaps biased perceptions. In what came to your aspirations you prepared yourself for dissapointment, but her skepticism didn't turn out to be complete negativity.

" I think you must moderate your expectatives, … but I also sense father seems up to something "

Seeing your clever sister arrive to a similar conclussion was too exciting, since it proved that your perception wasn't completely twisted by your wishfull bias. To her gestural indication, you stiffled a scream taking your hands to your mouth.

" If we are making a mistake and his plans don't match your dreams, you must still remember your duty to the people of Rome. "

Despite you appreciated her centered advice, you were more aware than ever of the genuine reasons behind your illusioned state. Some signs were indicating that factors of the military politics could play on your cause, as well as the consistently growing fondness your father was developing for Maximus.

" I haven't forgotten how heartless that man can be, but I can face only one battle at the time. What I need now is for our brother to understand I am not the same I was when I left and things won't be back to the way they were. " You commented her with determination once you composed yourself. " He needs to know that in my absense I have grown and I won't shrink back so he can feel bigger. "

She sensed undertones of rage escalating in your speech.

" What I fully support, but you must remember our brother has to be handled with care. A direct comfrontation would leave you too exposed. He will mess with your plans if he has the chance, mostly because he despises Maximus. To secure success you need discretion and time … "

" I don't have time, Lucilla! … We are going back to Rome. " You suddenly interrumpted her, distancing yourself further. " There is more at risk than ruining my chance for happiness. For my own sake, I have to stop him."

You paced towards the opposite side in the space of the tent that served you as room, escaping her eyes as if it could save you from the truth.

" My heart lamments more than my inminent separation from Maximus. I think father suspects that I would rather stay in this camp pretending to be making him company than being left alone with Commodus. "

The conversation was reaching a dangerous territory, but Lucilla was far from letting it rest. The grim tone of your voice following the sudden shift had frightened her. Having awareness of Commodus' ways for some first hand experience also implied certain limits she thought he wouldn't cross.

" Speak, sister. You can trust me. " She comforted you, approaching softly to take your hands. " I promise it will stay with us no matter what. "

The warm sincerity in her eyes encouraged you, but you couldn't get to put in clear words what she wanted to know. No explicit retelling of the situation you have been going through allowing her to interpret what kind of borders have been crossed.

" … I have to make it stop because I didn't escape from the hands of my captors only so my brother would do to me what they couldn't. "

With that you tried to tranquilize her, to let her know that your honor of maiden was yet unspoiled. At least in the most traditional sense, the one that counted to keep chances of marriage. You would still have to deal with the horrifying reminder of your brother being the one who taught you all the things you could have learned through a juvenile infatuation of your desires. A sweet first love to keep a secret and fondly remember in years to come, when you would be a matron too responsible to think of romance. Your first kiss and other important moments for discoverment of physical intimacy, pieces of your life that should have never belonged to him. Even if he measured himself, probably as matter of self preservation and not to protect you as you once believed, nobody would be able to give any of that back to you.

For the first time since your questioning started, a thought have made you intensely crave revenge. Crying in your sister's shoulder, your shame had turned into rage. Maximus would never get to be the very first man of your life even if he was the first one in your heart, misfortune that didn't occur as a tragic result of an act of war. The enemies of Rome haven't robbed you of it, Commodus did.

" He will never dare, I am with you now. " Lucilla comforted you, remaining strong for both of you. " He may be wicked in some senses, but he won't go that far. He won't have the courage to face me after hurting you so deeply. That, for him, would be even worse than a curse. "

She meant well, but her experience with him was quite different from yours. When it came to her, Commodus showed the devoted admiration of a desperate man with the unattainable. His advances had been respectfull, a feeling of longing induced tension on his part in the few chances they had to be alone together.

As the youngest, you were his untill marriage. He was the eldest of you both, the one in control of the situation, with no need to mask himself. He had whispered to you the passionate speeches he would never dare to tell her, taking advantage of your innocence in its struggle to take those as praise.

He had touched you in ways she couldn't even imagine.

" I want to curse him! " Was your ragefull reply, followed of more sobbing. " I can forgive the germanics, I wish no revenge to fall on them in my name. I thought I would forgive our brother too, but I fear I can't. "

Your sister aimed to calm the fire growing in you without abandoning the fair belief in your motives.

" If that's what you currently feel, there is no need for further planning. You won father's attention, Maximus' affections, .... even the respects of the soldiers! Don't let spite rotten your heart, because you have just hurted Commodus more than any vengeance quest would. "

She wiped the tears off your face and you gave her a half smile.

" ... He must have never thought that I could outgrown him, ... that I would find real love in a man who embodies everything he isn't."

From all the objects she brought, you only picked a perfume. Wrapping yourself in her clothes would have been like a direct provocation for Commodus. You knew he liked it, how he would react whenever you would try on old garments from her wardrove abandoned when she moved following her husband. Perhaps from him you got the idea that you only could be as beautifull as a princess should by emulating her. Way before that she was already a model of behavior for you, the image of what you were supposed to admire and aspire to become. Ideal you would never match purely, but provided the guidelines for what you were supposed to be.

Preying passion disguised of praise was his reward for your good behavior working to reach that ideal. A docile, younger simulacrum of Lucilla he could keep for himself was the fate Commodus had disposed for you. Like Pygmalion crafting Galatea following his ideal of a perfect woman, he shapened you at his will to replace her. If you were then the object of his desires, that was perhaps because he couldn't face her rejection and secured the conditions so you wouldn't do the same. Her relatively quick acceptance of the terrible secret you shared made you suspect Lucilla was somewhat aware, perhaps guiltfull of how having to replace her role taking care of him was destroying you.

On whool pants and a short red tunic had your brother found you back, as you cheerfully talked with most of the soldiers in the surroundings. One by one they lammented your inmiment departure from the camps in light hearted tone, as if they would be giving farewells to a friendly aqcuaintance they have grown fond of. Your loose hair made you look as the ambiguous balance between a barbarian peasant and a resting legionnarie without his armour. Genuinely focused on making good use of your remaining time, you were wandering around in the hope of catching Maximus on his way out of some commitment his daily life enforced. Given that the following moments were most likely your last chances to be together, you knew that only duty would keep him away from you. As your eyes registered the landscape between conversations, your attention was anywhere but in the upcoming threat.

" You seem too occupied to even miss me ... "

Commodus approached from behind, letting you hear a soft shade of his resentment. Remembering the advice of Lucilla, you turned back inmediately in order to direct him a calming smile.

" I only happen to be very popular here. " Was your simple reply, pacing closer to settle the approach in your terms. " ... Come by the fire, brother! Stay to listen of my misadventures in Germania. "

The sweet invitation confused him given the scene that served as context. A group of soldiers sharing the vissicitudes of their mundane lives and you around them, barely recognizable.

" How does father allow this madness? You don't act like the princess of these men anymore. I can only imagine a strict man like him must be horrified. "

Not recalling it didn't mean you haven't catched how the switch of his attitude responded to the reactions of your father. If your brother was all smiles and praise when he first saw you, finding the Emperor speaking nicely of you would make him try to sparkle your insecurities.

It made you chuckle, amused as if the answer was obvious.

" My belongings were stolen in the raid, Commodus. For a while I had to wear only what could be found in the camp. He had no option but getting used to it, realizing it was a very particular usage of necesity and I would never extend it elsewhere. "

Presenting yourself with pride before him for scrutiny of his perceptions, you didn't miss the chance to subtly mess with him.

" This is nothing: you should have seen me wearing Maximus' clothes."

A following choir of short laughs let him know it was the set up for an anecdot he knew nothing about, but more than just missing the inside joke was troubling him at the moment. In the playfull glances the men were giving to each other he read enough to understand everyone suspected you had at very least a crush on that man.

" ... I looked ridiculous, but it was so comfortable! " You kept telling him, in tone with the relaxed conversation. " After saving my life, Maximus was kind enough to borrow me my first civilized change of clothes to replace the prisoner rags ... "

The explanation was a personal need, not a favour to calm his nerves, since you didn't wish to leave the detail of how you obtained the garments out for interpretation.

" ... He said I shouldn't underestimate the charm of an approachable appearance, and I took his advice. I do feel charming anyways."

With that you rushed to take seat among the men, playfully inviting him to follow patting the spot beside you. Surrounded of people you felt comfortable with, your idea was to bring him into a space where you would feel the most comfident one. Introducing your brother to the group was a normal gesture, specially because in that enviroment he was the novelty.

Commodus stayed still, standing in front with a fake polite smile while you were doing the honors for the presents. Men that would acknowldege him as your brother, aside from his title of prince. An inversion of the natural order, where he was the subject and you the object of the sentence.

" Perhaps your companions can narrate me different stories, since Maximus is all you talk about. As your brother I have greater concerns than endlessly hearing you admire him."

No one else dared to speak ahead given the raising tension was starting to become evident.

" ... I would rather know of the dangers you faced. The strenght of my bearing may be deceiving you, but I mourned you through restless nights wondering of your fate in the hands of those savages. "

The blatant hipocricy underneath was getting the worst of you, but he wouldn't see it in the surface of your calm semblance.

" Of course you did, there is no roman more devoted to his siblings than you. " You sweetly replicated, shaping the irony into affective phrasing. " You must no longer worry, dear brother! I faced the greatest nightmare any sensical roman lady is taugh to fear and came out unspoiled. Presenting no struggle for my captors was enough to save myself from the barbaric punishments, so I did what a civilized woman does best. I played along, I adapted obbediently untill being rescued ... "

Stopping yourself, refusing to explain further, would have been the smartest choice. It was what Lucilla would have done, but you couldn't follow the totality of her advice.

" Our measures of the barbarian danger are broken and served me no purpose … The most menacing of all the germanics in charge of me turned out the most easily trusting! One look at him and I became sure he was going to be the savage that would ravish me, but he eased my fears instead. I am relieved to have found my expectatives mocked, even if in the capital they will never believe me. "

Your reproach got interrumpted by the loyal reassurance of a young soldier. The youngest of the group, bravely rushing to take your defense fearing Commodus could be about to question your honor as you imagined Rome would.

" We believe you, my lady. So does the General, and everyone seeing the kind woman you are. We have no doubt you could have inspired mercy in our ruthless enemy. It may sound exceptional, but you are in nature an exceptional person. "

The subtle display of affection surprised you, specially because the young man seemed ready to argue with your brother if he would have merely implied otherwise.

" Paulus, the adorable blessing that you are! " You cheered him with thankfullness, abruptly sitting back before your movement considered ahead standing up to congrat him more effusively. " Wouldn't you want to get back to Rome with me and convince everyone? I could use a friend there. "

He chuckled shyly, more affected by your reaction than by the somewhat threatening presence of Commodus scrutinizing the interaction.

" You will be well received, have no doubt. "

" If it's not the case, I have been rehearsing my reactions. The elite is full of hypocrites, so it occured to me I will denounce them. " Was your tranquilizing reply for him." If they refuse to believe me, I will simply remind them of how father had to forbid gladiators from Rome so the virtuous wives of the rich would stop wasting fortunes paying to sleep with them."

The mocking remark wasn't adressing the official reasons for the policy, but it served its purpose. If you would have to become more controversial to defend yourself, you would. Everyone found it as hilarious as you intended, judging by the unifying power of their laughter.

Finding himself contextualy resigned to play in your terms, Commodus chuckled discretely as he finally sat beside you pretending he could merge in the enviroment as naturally as you did.

" I enjoy this new fearless stage of yours, sister. A perfect match for my own vision of how my rule should be. One day you will denounce the hypocrites I will come to question. "

He glanced sweetly at you, as if he invited you to envision it with him.

" ... And I guess we will have Games again, I haven't forgotten of your love for the carnage on the Colosseum."

In order to soften the effect of the mischievous remark you leaned your head on his shoulder as a simulation of casual trust. It made him smile, you felt it yourself after he kissed the top of your head. At least momentarily, you were in an apparent peace. You could be burning of anger as he did of jealousy, but neither of you would show it. The mistery of his obsessive mind kep you guessing an oscilation between his possesiveness of you and some envy to all the attention you were getting. That small sample of soldiers kindly embracing you was showing him how you could obtain the loyalty he wouldn't inspire with ease on men of that kind. Simultaneously, your reactions were exposing the fact that you had grown accustomed to be among other men away from him. Perhaps too much, judging by how the excellent opinions they had of you were one way or another bonded to Maximus.

They loved you because you earned it, but also because he did, and they loved him. You didn't have to think it or say it in order for that impression to start coming to surface. Their discoverment of you was directly intertwined with the raise of his already increasing popularity. As the hero of your rescue he consolidated a positive impression allowing his name to grow, even if that wasn't what he intended to happen. Absent from the situation, absent even from your speech since your brother called you out about it, Maximus still kept a haunting presence that comforted you and upsetted him.

You haven't left and you missed him already. For your own good you didn't want to think on how worse it was going to feel once you would be in Rome, but you had one comforting certainity you could cling to. No matter what would be of the two of you, distance and time would never rule in your memories and feelings. You would never forget him and his love would follow you everywhere. Not like a harrowing need restraining you in obsessive agony, someone you couldn't be separated from without feeling as if you were loosing yourself on his absense. Tender hope, a warm light in your insides with a gate always open for him. Missing him not because you felt to be nothing without him, but as a result of how happy he made you. Dreaming of bringing him as much joy in return of a matching affection. Freely and equally, since love was not meant to make you feel like victims of it. Not at least the kind of love you felt with him, the one you wanted in your life.

Through more retellings of some stories you entertained yourself waiting to see him, but you had no luck. Your friends liked to hear you referencing those in which they believed you had outsmarted the cruel barbarians, but they ignored how for most there were times where you found your frustrations resonating with their disdain for Rome. At that moment, Rome was the faces of your monstruous brother and the father who abandoned you leaving the way clear for him to do of you whatever he wanted. Romans were conquerors claiming to be protecting their people securing strong borders while they couldn't protect their own daughters and sisters from themselves. Nobody there would comfortably argue the founding fictions of the Empire, and it wasn't fair of you to bring your questionings to men that were risking their lives for their beliefs on it everyday. Out of the sensible effect those had on them your life was saved against any logical outlook, so there had to be something more laying underneath than simple colorfull lies.

A living fiction fullfilled in the command of Maximus, because he embodied it like no one else. Near him it was impossible to remain hopeless, even when surrounded of death and pain.

Never before had you rejoiced so much spotting Quintus passing nearby. If someone would be able to tell you were the General was, that would surely be him. Of course, you couldn't be direct at risk of being followed by Commodus. However, you didn't need to, because as soon as you approached him with certain excitement his annoyed semblance made you aware he knew your intentions. Before you would ask, he told you he believed to have seen Maximus in his way to the tents of the healers visiting the ill and wounded. Obtaining a first clue made you so happy that you didn't reconsider iniciating the search right then, weaving Commodus from afar with no explanations of what you were doing.

" She has lost her mind! "

The prince had spoken to himself, raising up ready to follow the sudden matter making you suspiciously cheerfull. Still, it was precisely because they shared the same impression that the soldiers worked against him.

Marcellus, a man old enough to have his own family, aimed first to distract him with comforting words.

" A little impetuous, but nothing Rome won't fix."

" ... You have been under too much tension, sire! When was the last time you could stop worrying for her? " Alcaeus followed, rushing to the encounter of the prince forcing his vision to abandon you to fascilitate the escape. " Your sister is safe in the camp, we guard her as if she would be our own! "

Suddenly, everyone seemed interested on the figure of the one who could become their next Emperor. The ruse didn't last much, even if they tried hard to be convincing.

On the contrary, the reality was that your admiration of the General inspired hopes adverse to his plans. If the men wanted to help covering up your escapade to see Maximus, that was because feelings flourishing between you allowed them to dream of him entering the royal family. The idea of being those who fought side by side with a future Emperor of Rome, if he would become elegible for such as your husband, filled them with pride. Not only it would be a great honor for those legions enduring the heaviest loads on the war, but also a gain for themselves.

It was going too far, for his dreams and yours were considerably more humble. And yet, you couldn't blame them for admiring him so intensely that they aimed even higher in their bright visions for his future than he did.

The search for him didn't end in the referenced spot, but it was a start. At some point you started wondering if he was actively trying to hide himself from you, maybe hidding the sorrow to your inminent separation. Letting your heart guide your guesses made you encounter success when you arrived to some of the simple corrals the army used as stables.

" Are you seeking council with the horses, Maximus? You are so exceptional it wouldn't surprise me if they talked to you. "

Your voice worked like a charm, making him turn inmediately.

" I found your sister's, not without concerns. She speaks as if you would be ready to steal a horse and escape to Spain with me."

It made you smirk, a playfull recognition of your guilt for the most unrealistic of your fantasies.

" It makes no sense, but only because I know you would never take part of that."

His stance was the mocking simulation of reprehension to your audacity.

" Does that dissapoint you? "

For him that may have been an actual doubt, knowing if his sense of duty upsetted you, but to you there was nothing more clear. If he would be suggesting it, he wouldn't be the man you have fallen for.

" Never. Your integrity is one of the qualities that have fascinated me. It's not the hero, not the General, who I chase. That concerns my father only. I want the good man, the loving one. That man knows his brothers from the Legion would be sent to hunt him down and he would never spill their blood for his personal gain."

He detected a sense of pride in your words, even if the outcome implied was against your idillic wishes. As if knowing he would be ready to accept the rational end out of the selflessness of his heart only enamored you more.

"The sweet girl that brights my days would understand it, so the princess that once sat with them to try beans and posca. "

Inspired by the renewed encouragement, you gave a few temptative steps closer.

" I must admit I liked better the beer of barbarians than the drink of legionnaries, so maybe I am now a savage beyond salvation."

The instinctive need of reassuring you was still stron despite he knew you were joking in a light-hearted way.

" Don't say that: you carry the light of Rome within yourself. Even the enemy realized it would have been a mistake to desecrate something so pure. Colder and darker will be our days without you, but this humble Legion can't hold you any longer. From light you came and to it you must return. "

No matter the hour, that spot of the camp was permanently too crowded for you to rush into his arms. Away was the blindspot allowing you the physical closeness as emotions overwhelmed you. His devotion for Rome and for you converged in beautifull words neither deserved. The city you knew well and he had never saw was a nightmarish place full of degradation clothed in shiny luxury. You weren't that pure, lifefull flame, but a disgrace hidding shame for the perversions of your brother.

" My feelings for you are the purest thing i still cling to. It's your light what had given me this bright you see, not Rome."

He looked down and smiled, too humble to accept the merit that was all his. Still acting as if your words would have been pronounced in a beautifull dream he would have to wake up from.

" ... Then it will always be with you, because I will never forget you."

The softness of your glance caressed his face as your hands couldn't and he felt the warmth still.

"No matter where life takes us, my heart will always belong to you." Was your lovefull reply, approaching closer as he did the same. " If father doesn't ruin my chances, I will wait for you. I will scheme my way to spinsterhood like Penelope fooling her greedy suitors untill you will cross the great gates by the end of the war. It will be different for us: Rome will honor you and I will receive you in my finest garments, so splendid that you could marry me right there and I wouldn't be underdressed for the wedding."

The exquisite detail with which you described the scene made him suspect that you had imagined it earlier. At least one half of it, the part about embracing personal glory at the end of the war, wasn't very attractive to him. He hated the idea of parading his triumph on the city, but would endure it only if Marcus Aurelius would require it. He only cared for that as a possible prerequisite to obtain the blessing of the Emperor, because it was a context exceptional enough to imagine it could explain it.

Since he had realized of his feelings for you, Maximus prayed every night for the day to come when he would become the man a Caesar would judge worthy of his young daughter.

" My every victory is yours untill seeing you again, ... my princess. "

As formal as it sounded, the claim was a promise to do everything in his power to make the pleasant part of your vision a reality. To use distance as an encouraging obstacle and come back to your life only once he wouldn't have to hide his love for you. Once he would be able to love you as he judged you deserved, publicly courting you and not cowardly stealing brief moments of forbbiden bliss.

He sealed it with a kiss, of the only kind he could have given to you in that context. A long peck to the back of your hand while your index and middle finger caressed his chin, subtle sign of enjoyment for the contact and acceptance of his vow.

Understandably lost on each other while the moment lasted, little did you cared for the eyes watching you. The physical contact was minimal, not enough to raise any questioning. Not at least in the eyes of a normal watcher.

As you guessed that would eventually happen, even if not following you directly Commodus had managed to find you. The hope in your calculations was to meet with him on the way back, but he had acted faster with his animosity growing on the paranoid need of catching you in a compromising position. The chaste development of your romance with Maximus deprived him of such, but he didn't need to find a trully scandalous situation in order to lose his mind.Even the slightest, most innocent touch of another man to you was enough if he suspected that you enjoyed it.

Never before he had that worry with you and he cursed that it had to be Maximus, of all men, the first one to awaken his posessive jealousy. Seeing you choosing him was even worse than the powerlessness he endured through your kidnap. Among the savages you didn't have a said and he could still feel sure that you remained loyal to him. There was still hope of you coming back to him, of being the one curing your affliction after the horrible experience. The comforting thought he told himself was that once you would have been reunited, you would have never want to leave him again.

Since the arrival nothing have been working as he imagined, but your reaction was his biggest dissapointment. Not only were you escaping to any possiblity for an isolated encounter where you could be yourselves, but abandoning him to have said encounter with Maximus. And doing so once he got sick of hearing you praise him over and over, including him in every tale you had to tell.

It was crossing the limit of what he could tolerate mantaining a clean facade.

" I can't believe this! " He exclaimed with disdain, as if the sight would have scandalized him. " So this is what had you so cheerfull, you were heading to say farewells to your lover! "

His intervention separated you inmediately in a performance that was ambivalent. To Maximus, it was the reprehension of a protective brother particularly sensitive to any potential threats to his younger sister after the tragedy the family had faced. To you, it landed with the twisted bitterness of a husband that finds the wife cheating. A reproach from a roman lord seeing his property questioned, reclaiming ownership of the woman he was entitled to keep.

" Commodus, stop dramatizing. We have done nothing wrong." You slowed him down, shielding Maximus from him with your body carefully keeping enough distance in the protective stance. " If that would be the case, someone else would have kept father well informed ahead of you."

The reasonable response meant nothing to him.

"Everyone seems to worship him out of sudden! Our own men are shielding him, conspiring on his cause for unrestricted access to you. "

For as insane as it sounded, he wasn't entirely wrong. His perception pointed at the loyalty of the soldiers to Maximus and the effect it had away from the battlefield.

Far from seeking to feed his madness, you denied the claim.

" Why would the army plot against its Emperor to cover the romantic escapades of their new General with their Princess? Do you realize how insane that sounds? "

The suddenly awakened fear of making a fool of himself was the only way in which he briefly managed to calm down.

" I demmand to know the nature of your relationship, a perfectly sensical question for your brother to make. You are my responsability, mine to care for when father can't protect you."

Moved by his own integrity and what he believed to be a mannifestation of guilt from the prince regarding his impossibility to prevent your accident, Maximus stepped in front to face the situation for you.

" Highness ; ... Commodus, from man to man I can promise you that I have never approached her with ill intention and I never would. I have guarded her with the same devotion I have for your father, and I am painfully aware that courting her would be a matter beyond my attainable aspirations."

Not a glimpse of lie in his speech, impressing you with the respectfully brave way in which he refused to deny his feelings for you even when it would have been the wiser route to take.

Unfortunately, it only increased the rage of Commodus.

" Allways so humble, Maximus ... Merely stumbling with glory, but never seeking it yourself. " He mocked him with skepticism, advancing further in threatening strut while facing him to reduce the physical distance. " Very noble thought, but not enough to take me for a fool. "

The fire in his eyes could have burned him alive.

" You are not worthy of a single strand from her hair, of a sweet glance from her eyes, ... you don't deserve the air she breathes! My sister will never be yours, there are no heroic labours that would grant you a right to her. I won't let the privilege of being her savior make you believe otherwise: this ends now ... "

Anger was starting to take over you and begging your heart to keep holding on wasn't working anymore.

Everything in that moment was upside down. Your brother setting himself up as judge of character accusing Maximus, the most honest man you knew, of the vileness you knew he was capable of. Pretending it was Maximus who represented a threat to your honor, who felt entitled to you based on the protection he gave you. The man you loved listened in silence, stoically muted by the reminder of an inferiority that was only hierarchical.

That was the point in which your own facade finally broke down, because you couldn't tolerate the injustice of the suffering he pointlessly inflicted on Maximus on behalf of wounded pride. Staring directly into your brother's eyes, containing anger under the peace of your own catharsis and letting it soften your expression, you shared one of the most important conclussions of your meditations in captivity.

" You have an exceptional talent to see wrongs in everyone, but yourself. Enough time alone with you would leave anyone thinking you are a misunderstood savior in a cruel world, but the truth is that you reflect your blames in others because you can't face one damn fault."

It shocked him, since never before you challenged him like that. There was no vagueness leaving open for alternative Interpretations, like it happened before with your less significant mocking callouts. Everything in you was fulminantly serious.

He spoke no further, for feeding your anger with provocations could have caused you to spill things you both could regret. One last warning look before approaching Maximus let Commodus know you weren't asking for his permission. Then, he watched you comfort him with a kiss on the cheek and a lovely smile before you walked away searching for your tent.

Following without delayment, your brother reached the final stage of his emotional cycle. The heat of his anger was applacated by the fear of rejectment that your coldness inspired him. Obtaining your reassurement was his new priority, suddenly frightened seeing how you were ignoring him the entire way.

The sense of privacy finally found in the tent encouraged a different approach. He entered right behind you, but he did it hesitantly. Distant and observant, like a child awaiting for scolding.

Picturing the image yourself, you refused to let it get a chance to affect you and avoided to face him.

" What do you want from me, Commodus? "

" I would wish to know who poisoned your mind against me, for a start." He explained himself in a lower, but not yet broken tone. " Was it the price to pay for father's good sight? Only after making you hate me has he found virtues in you? It's what he wanted from the beggining, exactly why he sent for you alone. "

You noticed inmediately the switching of blames in his defense. As if he would have understood Maximus wasn't a legitimate option in your eyes, the responsability fell on your father. Perpetrator of many wrongs, but not precisely the manipulator putting ideas in your mind to ruin his life.

" Don't insult my inteligence implying I can't arrive to my own conclussions. " You snarked in a serious yet calm tone. " Slavery is a very solitary state, it leaves you with plenty of time alone with your thoughts. Soon, you start questioning everything you thought you knew wondering when all went wrong …"

Stopping out of sudden, you sighed with frustration because you realized that explaining such things to him was a waste of time.

" … I don't hate you, brother, but I am upset. "

The smallest encouragement got him rushing to grab you from behind for a desperate hug, what you couldn't see coming because you purposedly tried to avoid his sight. Nothing like the one he gave you earlier, not the one a brother would give to his sister in his moment of apology.

His arms were rounding your waist, leaving you no personal space while you had him breathing on your neck. The front of his body pressing softly against your back as his hands kept you still for him to whisper near you sweetly.

" I will do anything to change that. I will not risk to loose you ever again. "

It was the apology of a jealous lover trying to seduce his partner into forgetting his public outburst. As he silently sniffed the scent of your neck, your body froze. Training with swords may have given you confidence, but it was on its own not yet enough to make you be ready to defend yourself when the danger was your own brother.

Disgusted to the core, you still didn't let the letharge of your shock give him the upper hand. In that moment, your mind was back on the advices of Lucilla. Nothing of what she had told you was exactly usefull in that situation, but it inspired you to act as you imagined she would.

Firm, cold, and ellegantly autoritary. Your eldest sister was born a queen and he respected that.

" Release me, NOW! "

To your great surprise, he did as you said, yet he didn't do it without a struggle. You started to hear the desperate, pathetic sobbing that wrenched your heart.

" It's too late, no oath could save us … I still lost you to another man." Commodus lamented, his voice starting to sound like broken whimpers. " And it had to be him … Of course, it's always him! The whole world favors him over me … Why wouldn't you as well? "

The self victimization made you snap and you finally turned back to face him, only so you could release your frustration talking to his face.

" My promise was not a wedding vow to you and I am sick of having you pressuring me to treat it as such. " You firmly complained, taking Maximus out of a problem that was only between you and him. " Through vulnerable years I saw you mourn the marriage of Lucilla. I crafted an ideal about marriage as the worst thing that can happen to me and In this vision you were my savior. I see now that this has not made me any safer or free than the arranged marriage I have feared for so long. And that's because I am in a long term arranged engagement to you, that only you have concerted, behind our father's back."

Commodus looked at every direction, like a cornered beast, before managing to find your face back. The hurted expression in his watery eyes would have moved any sensible soul, and you were struggling not to cry as well.

" How dare you speak to me like this, after all I have done for you! Have you made yourself blind to my devotion? Sister, I love you more than any other man ever could! No one else will love you like I do."

He tried to take your hand, but you stepped back before any contact could happen.

" You are right, Commodus. And I cheer for that, because this is not how I want to be loved by the one meant to do it in the spot you wrongly claimed for yourself. "

To stumble over and over with a fairly merciless reply on your part was starting to piss him off. Even in his weakest state the poisonous tongue of Commodus was still capable of hurting as much as in his pridefull moments.

" Do you think Maximus would still care for you, If he knew of us? He would desert of pursuing you, it would make him sick. Any other man in his place would, to them you are an abomination ... "

His voice adquired a darker, almost visceral shade. Instead of trying to reach out to you, he started circling around you like a shark about to attack.

" Is the vulgar appreciation of the low rank soldiers making you believe that was ever going to change? Or was it the respect of the barbarians? You own father didn't care for you, to him you were just another useless girl. Another dissapointment, his last failure in the search for a worthy heir. Face it, little one: I am the only man you ever had. I've been for you a brother, a father, a friend ... Why shouldn't I be a lover too? I am the only one with the right to have you because I am the only one who will remain beside you. "

Something had changed in him, something you had never seen before. Arguments weren't usual between you because you were used to shut down your complaints in behalf of his happiness, and that first great negatory from you was getting the worst of him.

The limit of what you could expect wasn't clear anymore, but you refused to retreat even in fright.

" ... If Maximus knew, he would kill you ... And if father knew, you would never be Emperor." Was your challenging reply. " Do you think I haven't realized why you are trully here? You knew he was too close, you saw that you messed up and want to figure out if you are still on time to control the tale. If whispers had reached him his reputation would be at risk, and the most basic pact between you was broken. You would be no longer free to do of me your will, because the dirt of your deeds in Rome threatened to stain him. Luckly for you both, my kidnap has buried everything."

The observation surprised him as much as his demeanour did for you, as if it was something he never considered you would bring up. You were the innocent one, the bright one only in a lightfull sense. Such stratagems were worthy of the way of thinking proper of Lucilla. Subtly deceivefull, distrusting and far away from the naivety that characterized the side of you he knew.

If it wouldn't being directed against him, it would have fascinated him.

" You are confused, the pain of captivity has deranged you. Nobody would believe in the ravings of a lost woman blaming her brother on a self preservative delusion because she can't face what the barbarians have done to her. Do you think they would trust on a germanic herd over me? "

Instead of frightening you further, it made you chuckle with sardonic darkness.

" I am sure father would, he would trust anyone over you. " You mocked him once you recovered. " He has interrogated me plenty of times, mostly about the enemy, but we spoke of you as well. Only the sisterly love I have never stopped feeling for you, even if my heart can't find a way to forgiveness, has spared you. I spoke of you as the hero you once were for me, so you can stop moaning about how heartless I have became."

He stared at you in raging disbelief, as if he would be facing the greatest betrayal of his lifetime.

" Do you call that mercy? Your groundbreaking gesture of love? ... Is it all you have left for me? Simply refusing to ruin my life! "

To you, it landed like the protest of a whimsical kid still refusing to face his guilt, and for so, denying you of any reparations.

" I've given you enough, Commodus. You have taken from me untill nothing else was left. Now it's your time to give something back for once."

Like if Minerva herself would have illuminated the ways of your thinking, you closed the discussion in the proposal of a new arrangement.

" Since you insist on how our old oath has been broken because I fell in love, we shall coexist under a new one. You will leave me and my feelings for Maximus get peace, and I will cheer in your nombration ceremony. In practical terms, your ambitions are almost as unrealistic as mine so I find it fair. "

You didn't obtain an inmediate answer, since he remained in a contemplative state for an instant. As he measured his options, the irruption of Lucilla forced both to change the appearance of the moment.

" … There you are! I've been looking for you. " She sweetly commented. " Father send for me to discuss some matters of domestic politics, but once we were done it occured to us that we can all have dinner with him and get a moment to resemble a family. "

You both smiled at her as if nothing happened, even when you guessed she suspected that was far from the truth.

" Fantastic! I would love if for once we could feel like a family again. " You agreed ahead, then glanced back at your brother. " … What do you say, Commodus? Can I still get my brother back? "

For the first time since the fight started, your eyes were warm and inviting once more. Your fingertips caressed his knuckles, calling for him to take your hand, and you smiled as a way to explain that you weren't abandoning him in your role of sister. That you still cared and loved him as your brother, but you couldn't keep letting him get away with the constant trespassing of that limit.

Tears began to fall again messily from his sad eyes and he hugged you once more. Tenderly and brotherly, to what your body could slightly relax. He cried on your shoulder and you caressed his hair, gesturally calling for Lucilla through the expression of your face. She joined to hug the two of you and help you calm him down.

" It's allright, brother. Do not worry, we will protect you."

" See? Your sisters love you, and you can allways count on it. " Was your following of her reassurance. " Even when you anger us, you are still our brother. "

He cried like a child until the warm affection numbed his mind into calm.

It was hard to believe he was the same vile man that had just threatened to make the people doubt of your sanity in order to protect his chances for succession. While your fair recriminations had no effect in him other than to seek excuses, only under the menace to his ambitioned future he seemed to be reconsidering what you were begging him to understand. The one hope of his that could still protect you was his wish to become Emperor, unique motive for the sake of which he may have acceeded to let you be. A sacrifice not made in behalf of your discomfort with the previous situation, but to protect his greatest ambition.

For a brief instant, you gained awareness of being exposed to a crack of something even darker than what living at his mercy had taught you.

If he wouldn't be blinded by his envy, he would be able to see that your goals were perfectly complementary. The way in which he spoke about Maximus, always suspectfull of him being up to damage him, was far from the reality you perceived. A militar of profession and a farmer at heart, the Maximus you knew was a humble man who would despise the idea of being Emperor. If given the oportunity of being the one for you, he would be the safest choice possible to your brother's interests. He was the only man in the whole of the Empire that would choose you over the power to rule the world, something that not even Commodus himself was willing to do no matter what his twisted recriminations implied.

It was precisely why, from the bottom of your heart, you knew it would have to be him.

Convincing your father was the following step, for which you knew you didn't have much time left. For so, you decided that you needed to reflect an image of impecable behavior and you told your siblings to reach him ahead so you could make yourself presentable. Hilarious plead for Lucilla, since it showed you have forgotten that the complex dressing of a princess required of assistance after spending such long time in less worthy garments. She stayed with you in order to provide the help with the clothes she had brought for you, avoiding to interrogate you about what had just happened.

The world felt different when you walked out that tent, almost like it once was when you first stepped in the camp. Standing up against your brother, no matter what the future would show regarding the actual outcome, was an incredibly freeing act. You closed your eyes and took a deep breathe that relaxed your whole body, tasting the liberation while accidentally making your sister chuckle. At least, untill the mischievous tinge of your smile made her suspect that you were up to something.

A short detour, something else you had to do before the leftovers of your unhingedness would abandon you. There was light coming out from the tent of Maximus, not enough guard to feel judged. After following you there, your sister had no option but to cover up for you waiting outside while trying not to burst into laughter or succumb to worry over your reckless occurence.

Once inside, you got the privilege of seeing the exact moment in which the expression of your handsome General transformed to the defiance of his expectatives for the newcomer. At that hour, he would have guessed only for a soldier with a quick late message of a sudden matter to be attended, never for what awaited him. The similing sight of his beloved princess, gowned like he had never seen her before.

He stood motionless gazing at you, barely disguising the surprise untill you were right in front of him and too close to delay a reaction.

" You shouldn't be here, your brother was very clear and I don't want to cause you any more trouble."

His voice sounded soft as a plead, yet slightly deep due to a prolonged silence. His beautifull blue eyes roaming you shily untill a stoic shade of his gaze seemed to ask for you not to torture him any further.

" He won't trouble us anymore, and I need you to forget everything he said. " You reassured him right away. " It means nothing to me, and certainly, it doesn't reflect the opinions of my father. Not even my sister's, to list someone in whose judgement I fully trust. "

He gave you a half smile, and only then managed to relax a bit.

" You are ... so beautifull. I hope you haven't taken such bothers just for me. Then I would have to kindly ask you not to play with me."

It was far from your intentions, but you understood the confussion.

" I am on the way to see father and I need to show him how well behaved I am just so he would let me marry you one day. " Was your frank reply, tilting your head up so your face would be closer to his " Would you seek to do it, if you knew you could? I need to be sure I won't be waiting in vain. "

Looking into your eyes encouraged him to be recklessly honest and confess himself very clearly.

" I dream awake thinking some god would have mercy of me and in a rush of imprudence Caesar would find me fitting to be the man of your life. "

You released an enamored sigh and in the closeness he was able to feel your breathe through it.

" I won't go back to Rome without having properly kissed you. " You whispered seductively, admitting the motive of your quick late visit as you grabbed his shoulders. " You don't need to wait untill proving yourself to me for that, I have already chosen you. "

His breath got heavier with every heard word, since the promise of a sweet outlet for his longing was slowly taking away his judgement.

" If we kiss now, there is no turning back. I won't be able to let you go. I will fight restless untill reaching the honor of making you my wife. Is that really what you want, princess? To abandon your palace and the splendid villas on Palatine hill for the farmhouse of a spaniard militar? "

In the mocking peyorative tone of the comparison he tried to make you see that alongside him your life would change. Romantic dreams aside, you would have to leave behind the lifestyle of the roman elite. Despite circunstancies made you abandon it for a long time, it all was due to an unfortunate incident and its subsecuent transition period. Two moments of exception before going back to normal life, to Rome and its distant luxuries. Aiming to share life with him meant your normality would have to change, as everything you were familiar with.

The proposal was very attractive to you, from every of the implied aspects on his sentence.

" That man has made of this camp my home, so a home for me would be anywhere he goes."

His smiling lips were caught in yours and his hands found the way to your waist, pressing softly only to pull you closer. Your firm grip of his left shoulder contrasted with the softness of your caressing to his right cheek, making your past fears unfounded. Maximus still got to feel the slow surrender of a maiden in her first kiss and you didn't feel any less new to the sensations he awakened.

A taste of freedom on the tender passion you shared, embracing the love that had became the most sublime of your aspirations before you would have to part ways in order to fight for it.

#GUYS READ THIS

32 notes · View notes