thegirlthatspins-blog

[thegirlthatspins-blog]

Sometimes you’re going to have a bad day...

Hello friends, I am having a bad day. 

Now that I’m back on campus for the semester, I’m trying to go back to “normal”. That means I’m starting up with the dance company and color guard auditions are at the end of the month. 

Dance classes went better than I thought, but then the day after (aka yesterday) my knee was so tight and sore. It felt like the kneecap wanted to lock or dislocate all day. It has never felt like that before; knowing I had PT today I just took it easy until my appointment. 

The first thing my PT did was put me on STIM. Mind you, I haven't had it in months so it actually felt nice. Afterwards, it only helped a little bit, and I could only do front and side step ups until it got too painful. Long story short, even though I was told the recovery was six months to a year, in reality, its a year and a half to two years. I found that to be quite devastating. In my mind, I kind of created this timetable of “where I should be” based on what I was told. Now my whole sense of recovery is thrown off. My PT told me that this is going to be my new “normal” until my muscles get used to moving that way again. You can do all the monotonous strengthening exercises in the world, but muscle memory is very specific and this is a hard lesson to learn. 

Now I’m low key dreading dance tomorrow and Thursday because of how I’m going to feel after. I also have guard auditions on Sunday and that’s going to require me being on my feet dancing/spinning for about six hours. I’m going to be icing my knee as much as possible and just trying to rest it as much as I can.

I just need to push through this time because it will get better in time. Let’s hope for the best.   

[thegirlthatspins-blog]

6-7 Month Update

Hello Recovery Friends,

I must sincerely apologize for my lack of blogging. This summer has been crazy. I’ve been going through employment, personal and financial issues and I’m afraid that maintaining this has taken a back seat. 

Anyway, in regards to my recovery, it has been going fairly well! I’ve really been working on gaining back stamina and muscle mass in my quad. So I’ve been doing a lot of agility drills, resistance training, and overall strengthening. Physical therapy has turned into a personal trainer. I do a lot of cardio (which I haven’t had a whole lot of recently) so it wipes me out a lot faster than it would to an “average” person. So that part has been particularly frustrating. However, I’ve noticed that I am getting stronger, for example; I can go six 30 second wall sits and it isn’t terrible!   

Currently, the ultimate goal is to have at least a 15-20 minute running time (that's right, I said running). I am running again and it feels fabulous! While I’m on the treadmill, it doesn’t feel that way but after it does. Running at first was super intimidating. Typically when I would walk at a fast pace, I would feel a lot of pressure when I would step forward (because of the impact); therefore I was expecting the same for when I ran. I will admit that it was as bad as I thought! Keep in mind all of that strengthening does pay off in the end. Once you get past the feeling of moving your legs that fast, as silly as it sounds, it will begin to feel a lot more natural. It takes a minute to get your natural rhythm back but it feels amazing. It’s the feeling of liberation and normalcy that we in recovery crave.  

I’m moving back to school in a week or two, and have more PT to do once I get there. The good news is that I’ll only have a month or so left! It’s very hard to believe that I’m almost to the finish line. 

Believe in yourselves, until next time! <3

[thegirlthatspins-blog]

That, ladies and gentleman, is my knee! You can see the button that holds the graft and my horror movie screws. You can see where they cut the tibia because of the overlap. It's super cool to look at and I’m pumped to show it to you guys! :)  

I’ll give you guys the surgeon’s update tomorrow, to be honest, I had it halfway written and then my Mac decided to just shut off and I lost all of it. I’m still bitter about it and I need to take a break. I’ll see you tomorrow! 

[thegirlthatspins-blog]

Five Months!

Hello recovery friends, I hope everything is going well. 

To be very honest, this month has been definitely been the hardest mentally. The main lesson I’ve been struggling with is mind over matter. The mental state you’re in while doing your PT has a lot more impact than you may realize at first glance. I’ve really started doing more and more agility drills. It terrifies me. When we started doing “scissor jumps” down the speed ladder, it caused a literal anxiety attack. It was probably one of my lowest points so far. I am physically capable of everything they ask me to do. However, once I feel just a pinch of pain or a slight shift...I just shut down and my brain just screams “I can’t do it.” It is so frustrating, and all I want is to get better. I still have a limp and I want to run and dance again. 

My fears have been becoming more prominent and it has truly been a battle. I am actually seeing my surgeon next Monday. What I’m hoping for is some sort of protocol so I can be validated and know that I’m doing okay. This procedure is rare and I need to stress how difficult and lonely it can feel sometimes but always know, my blog and I got your back. I will be sure to let you know how my appointment goes. 

See you soon!   

[thegirlthatspins-blog]

Just wanted to show another great resource for recovery! I highly recommend this blog, he has a lot of insight and you get to hear a variety of other recovery stories as well! 

Hey there! I am getting MPFL Reconstruction surgery and TTT done in six days (yikes)! I have started PT already because my surgeon says it will help the recovery go a little smoother. I genuinely hope that's true. I just wanted to say thank you for this blog, it has helped me to start feeling more comfortable with what I am about to go through. I'll be sure to keep you guys updated.

Hey there! Looks like you’re in the midst of recovery, hurray!

Just wanted to respond so that others know about another good blog to check out regarding recovery :D

[thegirlthatspins-blog]

Super Hip PT Update

Physical therapy today literally kicked my boooooty. I STARTED JUMPING TODAY. REPEAT: I STARTED JUMPING TODAY!!!! 

I’m not going to lie, it was super intimidating, I was scared. Whenever I try a new exercise, I always get a wave of anxiety. I always go through this process of “will my kneecap pop out?” “will my other knee finally snap?” and it’s just a rush. So when I learned I was doing ladder speed drills and jump rope, I swear it was the most bittersweet moment. I was so excited and just wanted to get in there but there was so much fear holding me back. Once I was reassured multiple times my knee was more than strong enough, I jumped once...and I had so much fun. I know I say this all the time when I hit a small victory but it was liberating. 

However, there was a downfall to this victory. After 30 seconds of jump rope; I was exhausted. I was dripping sweat and out of breath and it was kind of embarrassing (not gonna lie to you). When you think you’ve fully prepared yourself for (real) cardio, think again my friends. So I plan on working on my stamina and focusing on my fitness these upcoming weeks. 

That's all for now! :)     

[thegirlthatspins-blog]

Four Months!

Here we are again with another month of my recovery passing by. It has been jam packed with work and physical therapy. I’m still going to PT three times a week. My PT sessions keep getting longer and longer each time I go, which I’m not totally complaining because it means I’m getting stronger. Now it takes an hour and a half per appointment. 

My mot exciting news at the moment is that 1. I am not using my sleeve brave anymore and 2. I have been doing squats!! The sleeve brace has ruined so many pairs of leggings and jeans because of the velcro. It feels nice to not be “labeled” for an injury. You know what I mean?

I feel my knee getting stronger. As I said previously, I’m doing squats and I have a feeling I might start jogging soon (hopefully). I’m starting to have the strength to work more than just four-hour shifts at work, which has led to a promotion. So things have been very positive this month, and I’m seeing the surgeon next month for a check-in. 

I intend to keep you updated on the different victories I accomplish in PT. For example, I am super excited to do some jumping and more squat related things. See you soon!  

[thegirlthatspins-blog]

People are more willing to help out than you realize! Stay strong! 

It’s OK to ask for help.

[thegirlthatspins-blog]

Physical Therapy Update

I hope this post finds everyone well. I have been doing very well since I got my hardware off a week or so ago. I figured it would be wise to let you know what they have me doing.  

I can’t tell you how liberating it is to be (actually) walking again, and not to mention the joy of being on an elliptical. I never thought I would say this, but I missed cardio a lot more than I would like to admit. Physical therapy feels a lot harder but the struggle comes from a stamina standpoint. The strange dynamic is that the exercises are “easy” but by the end, I’m just exhausted.

My PT regiment goes like this: 8-minute warmup on the bike, 8-minutes on the elliptical, assisted squats(?), and then from here it goes to a lot of different balancing exercises. I stand on this platform, and underneath is a half circle base, so you have to distribute your weight evenly in order for it to be flat. Anyway, I go front-back 20 times and then side to side 20 times. After this, I go on the stepper. I step on it and the hard part is stepping down on the other side without hopping. After this, I have to stand on one leg (obvi the bad one) on this foam pad (which is a lot harder than it sounds) and play catch with the PT without falling off. The final thing after this is wall sits. Right now I’m doing wall sits for 20 seconds with three reps but I have a feeling they’ll be tacking on more sometime soon. I’m going to try and get some videos and upload them so you guys can understand what I’m talking about. 

Though this routine can be draining, I always feel accomplished at the end. Anyone that knows me would say I’m very competitive, and that part of my personality has been pushing me to do the best I can so that I can progress. The little victories have really been pushing me because who doesn’t like feeling like a badass? 

See yinz soon!

[thegirlthatspins-blog]

Trzy miesiące!! (Three months)

Remember how I was a bundle of nerves a few days ago? Well, my prayers have been answered! Overall, it was a very positive appointment! I had x rays retaken, and then the surgeon came in and gave me the good news. I meant to ask to see my x rays so that I could show yinz. I’ll try to remember next time.  

My brace is off, and I technically don’t need a brace anymore! I’m wearing my sleeve (fancy term: lateral buttress, hehe) brace for now until I get more stability. My knee feels really wobbly without the extra support. So I got my new physical therapy prescription and I get to be on an elliptical! I missed leg workouts so much, and I even scheduled my PT appointment for tomorrow morning because I was so excited. My next post op appointment is in July, and of course, I will let you know how it goes.

I feel like this is a new chapter in my recovery. I’m going to be doing low impact things at PT, and I went downstairs using both knees for the first time in three months! It felt great, and it was so nice driving and not having to unlock my hardware every few seconds. The little victories matter, and today they were everywhere. This is a good ending to my semester and a great beginning to my summer!         

[thegirlthatspins-blog]

Post Op Appointment Nerves...

Tomorrow is the three-month mark of my recovery, and the day after that is an appointment with my surgeon. I am praying for good news, and for my hardware to get downgraded. I’ll be sure to let yinz know, or the least that could happen is he allows it to be unlocked. 

I’m trying to take my own advice and be positive but I desperately want good news.  

[thegirlthatspins-blog]

Even in the midst of your tedious recovery, love the life you’re living. You’re gaining experience and adjusting to a new reality. It may not be fun but embrace it. Always remember to love yourself <3 

Be in love with your life. EVERY MINUTE OF IT!

[thegirlthatspins-blog]

Week Nine!

Hello, recovery friends! I hope I find you well this week. After this post, I’m going to begin posting monthly updates with maybe a few snippets in between. I’m at that part of my recovery where it gets more “slow”. It’s really been focused on strength building and not so much about ROM. 

In PT this week, I was given KT tape. What KT tape does is push the fluid/whatever else is in there, elsewhere. The wavy adhesive keeps helps the skin to in a sense recoil to keep circulation moving. My physio is concerned with how much swelling is still there this late in the game. Hopefully, this will do the trick. I’ll post a picture of what this looks like. 

I’ve been experiencing some pain around the graft site when I do leg lifts. I was starting to freak out a little because I’ve been really sticking to protocol. However, we ultimately discovered it was the tightness in my quad. Since I’m only allowed to bend my knee 90 degrees I haven’t really thought about stretching it. **As a dancer, this kills me by the way. I miss being able to do yoga and things like that.** Anywho, how this works is I lay flat on the table and the physio bends my knee and just pushes it up. It’s now my favorite part of therapy. 

Now the true highlight of the week was my 21st birthday! I had such a blast, and I felt super confident and sexy even with my hardware. The only thing that mattered was my friends and I having the time of our lives. So it is possible to have a great time and in my drunken words “broken”. I’ll even include a photo to prove that this happened. I know I mention this in every post but it is so important: Don’t let your hardware or your situation keep you from making memories. Have fun! Plus you’ll always get shotgun because you obviously need the room for your leg. ;) 

Stay positive my friends!

[thegirlthatspins-blog]

Two Months!

I am so excited to have reached this landmark in my recovery. On a daily basis, it feels very slow but looking back it feels fast. It only took about two months to be walking on my own. I think that’s pretty damn good. Granted my walk has a significant limp but as my quad gets stronger, the limp will start to fade. 

Walking again is a surreal experience. I kind of forgot how it felt to stand on two feet. It was hard learning to walk again, My leg felt like jello at first so I had to really rely on the crutch at first. I noticed myself getting so caught up in the little frustrations and it shadowed the big picture. Don’t let yourself do that, it only adds unnecessary stress to a long recovery. In the reflection of this anniversary, I have a few more tips and advice that I’ve acquired this month.

1. Don’t let your hardware ruin your self-confidence. Since I’ve become more mobile, I want to go out and do more things (obviously). However, I find myself getting frustrated with finding things to wear because of this massive brace. A part of me feels it to be such an eyesore when in reality people probably don’t care. As I mentioned in a previous post, I was taking a week to really put the effort into my appearance. It did help me feel better. 

2. Try to look at the bigger picture. On a day-to-day basis, recovery feels so slooooow. This month literally took forever and I was so frustrated most of the time. As I mentioned earlier I got caught up in the little things and it overshadowed the small victories. I’m right on track with my recovery and I need to constantly remind myself of that. 

Stay strong!         

[thegirlthatspins-blog]

Scar update! They're healing quite nicely :)

[thegirlthatspins-blog]

“Healing can’t occur without change.” - Unknown

[thegirlthatspins-blog]

Week Seven

This week has been all about frustration. I say this because I’m still using the crutch often. I understand that building muscle can take time but I just want it to go faster. Also, it has been verified by my surgeon that I can only put weight on it with my brace locked in extension. Even my therapist was surprised and thought we could start walking with a bend in a few weeks. Personally, I find the brace so unattractive and was really hoping to get a smaller one, and it feels like I’m a gimp pirate. I talk to my PT guy about it and he reassured me that I’m doing good, that we’re trying “to keep a variety” with my exercises. I’ve started with balancing on that leg, calf raises and kicks. Basically, I stand on one leg and then kick the other 20 times to the front, side and back. I like those because it works both legs. He said that we’ll be adding more this week so I’m curious to see what those will be. 

I do have a goal for this week, and that is to build up my self-confidence. Since my surgery, it’s been hard to dress up and to put the effort into my appearance. So my best friend helped me to pick a cute dress to wear to church tomorrow. I just can’t help but think that this massive brace will be an eyesore or a distraction. My friends reassure me that it’s not, so I’ll take their word for it.

The semester is really cracking down, so I hope to keep posting weekly; assuming my schedule doesn’t get the best of me. My recovery has been a huge distraction from my schoolwork so I’ve really been learning about time management. Have a good week everyone!