thecatsayshidethebody

[thecatsayshidethebody]

Why am I like this

Oh my lord, so I work as a receptionist at a retirement facility and like any business we have this speal we say when anwsering the phone that is so ingrained that I physically have to stop myself from saying when i answer my own cell phone. Anywho, so my friend/coworker works in the activities department, and we do this cute little thing where we leave a birthday card and ballon outside the residents rooms the night before their birthday. My friend is filling out the b-day cards and she asks me to help think of a cute/witty thing to write in the blank card with a bird on it. I couldn’t think of anything off the top of my head, and like any person does now a days , I decide to google some cute, bird b-day sayings. Of course, the phone rings and I pick up the phone ready to recite the usual speal. As soon as I pick up the phone, I look straight at my computer screen which has a bunch of birds on it and go...

“Thank you for calling- Bird.”

And I just... died a little inside. Like, both me and the person on the line were silent. And my friend isn’t helping because she is dying of laughter behind me. The person on the line, bless their soul, just politely asks to be transferred to the person they were calling to speak to and I (after apologizing a couple times) do exactly that. My friend still will never let me live this down.

[thecatsayshidethebody]

Introvert problems

When you are at a store and want to get something that is locked behind a door/gate and need to ask an employee to get it but are too introverted to go up and interrupt what they are doing (even if they aren't doing anything). So you pretend to keep browsing like you're still looking for something, but in reality you know what you want, but you keep walking around. Even when an employee comes up to ask if you are finding everything alright, you panick like and idiot and blurt out your fine and don’t need help. So you end up being at the store hours later than you originally intended...

[thecatsayshidethebody]

I'm so proud of my brother. I told him to pick out one of my anime pics on my phone to be my new lock screen. This is the one he picked. Best decision ever! I always temporarily forget it is set and crack up every time I wake my phone up. I've gotten so many concerned looks that it just makes it funnier

[thecatsayshidethebody]

So today I'm driving, not too many people on the road at the moment. I'm kinda zoning out, just letting myself just auto pilot myself home, when all of a sudden I kinda just stop at a green light like its red. It hadn't even just changed, but for some reason I subconsciously thought it was. Then I notice the guy slightly behind me in the next lane also stop, the light is still green. So I look over and the other guy looks over, and we kind of just stare at each other in slight dazed confusion. Like, why have we stopped? Then I just calmly turn back and drive away, the guy doing the same a few seconds later. And that is how me and the random guy in the lane next to me bonded.

[thecatsayshidethebody]

I had this really weird dream once that I was in this huge hotel, and I had an adoptive child that was a human, guinea pig, octopus hybrid. These government guys were trying to capture my child tho, so I snook him out of the building and hijacked a car since ours was being monitored. So we were driving and apparently the zombie apocalypse was going on, but the zombies were like super chill and slow. So we got together with this group of people with this Mobil home that had a oddly long trailer and my hybrid child and I wanted a ride, so the guy was alright with it, but the Mobil home was full with other people. In the end me and my child were kinda forced to sit on the trailer. Then we drove off and I woke up feeling really confused

[thecatsayshidethebody]

Ugh, my dad is trying to be “helpful” by setting me up with cousins that are visiting from out of town. His “help” means he wants me to get out of the house a be social. To make things even better his argument is that I’d be a good choice because we’re the same age. I DON’T GO OUT. I WOULDN’T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN. MY IDEA OF FUN IS SITTING IN A ROOM AND PLAYING VIDEO GAMES OR BEING ON THE INTERNET. When I “go out” to hang with my friends, it basically means I go to their house, lay on the floor, and watch movies/shows. Hell, last time I was over at my friends house we binge watched Jimmy Neutron. Like that was all we watched for a whole day. So, I admit, my introvertness is panicking slightly because I don’t know who these people are and what they want and I’m too lazy/reluctant to ask. Update: Good news. I think I scared them off. I was playing Dynasty Warriors on the ps4 and it isn’t dubbed. So they come in with my dad, I say hi, blah blah. Then I proceed to ignore them, playing my game, while my dad talked with them. I made this really weird looking guy with a super high voice and I kept playing him, amused by the weird Japanese cut scenes. I could feel them glancing over with their judgmental looks, not giving a care in the world. I think by this point my dad realized I wasn’t going to be the best person to entertain them. Thank you Japan for helping me avoid my social problems

[thecatsayshidethebody]

I keep seeing those posts where people have a really good and funny pun in their dreams and they wake up laughing. Well I had sorta had on of those dreams…. It was a while ago, so I don’t remember the whole dream, but I vividly remember the part I woke up from. Somehow my brother and I were standing a good length away from this dock on a lake and we had one of those inflatable rafts next to us. So, somehow I accidentally popped it, and it did that cartoon, fly around the air thing and was flying toward the dock. So my brain thinks of this pun (that actually wasn’t a pun, but my sleeping brain thought it was). I end up yelling, “ITS A BOAT!” (Kinda like Admiral Akbar’s “it’s a trap”) and both myself and my dream brother start cracking up cuz, once again, my brain thinks it’s the most hilarious pun ever and the last thing I remember before I woke was my dad in the dream shaking his head with disappointment and judgyness. So I wake up, still half asleep and still thinking it’s the funniest pun my subconscious has thought of. I run to my brothers room (he is awake at this moment) and tell him about my hilarious joke. We literally stared at each other for a good few minutes before my brain actually processes what I had just told him, realizing it wasn’t even a pun or a joke to begin with. And I look down the hall to see my dad was there and had listened in on what I had just said. He the same look my dream version of him had. And that is how I woke up laughing because a pun dream joke that turned out to not be a joke at all.