the-weather-in-my-head

[the-weather-in-my-head]

Goals... maybe... probably not tho...

[the-weather-in-my-head]

Taxi Driver (1976)

[the-weather-in-my-head]

[the-weather-in-my-head]

i think at my very core i am simply too sad to be around other people.

[the-weather-in-my-head]

[the-weather-in-my-head]

I wake up in the morning

It’s 7 am.

I start to take deeper breaths as my body wakes up.

My lungs are screaming.

My heart starts to race a little and my chest feels tight.

My stomach turns over for the next half an hour.

I’m not sure if it’s hunger pains or nausea. I won’t eat anyway.

I drag myself to the bathroom and sit down to pee.

It’s more comfortable anyway and standing is too much effort.

I start the shower running.

I wrap my towel around myself and sit on the bath mat for fifteen minutes before I get into the shower.

My lungs are still screaming and heart still racing.

I shower for fifteen minutes and soak up as much warmth as I can.

It almost replaces the absence of human touch.

And my stomach starts to turn again as I’m getting dressed.

I can’t get through the day feeling like this.

I take a hit or five off the dab pen to ease my stomach.

I don’t have time to make breakfast which I’m sure would help.

I get to campus early and have the first cigarette of the day.

I’m afraid that if I don’t I’ll tear off the poor professor’s head when I don’t understand the material because I hit the dab pen.

Class is done.

I go home.

My heart is still racing and my lungs still screaming.

I have done nothing so far to deserve it and yet I am exhausted.

I can’t focus to read.

I can’t think to research.

I can’t organize to write.

I give up and smoke.

I go to class, still in a haze.

I get home and still I’m exhausted.

I can’t function to do anything.

I smoke.

I smoke.

I smoke.

It’s midnight.

My lungs are still screaming and my heart is still racing.

I hate to think of what it would be like if I didn’t want to die.

I fall asleep an hour later.

I wake up in the morning.

[the-weather-in-my-head]

“Set your little heart on fire Go on, step into the dark You will never lose your way No matter how far you stray Fall into your own desire She can be a lovely life She can tell the deepest truth Make and take the best of you Broken hearts can keep on beating Broken hearts can keep on feeding Bend and break and keep believing Broken hearts can keep on beating #winterneverlastsforever #maritlarsen #winter #pnw #snow #wintersnow #pnwwinter #pnwsnow #pnwwintersnow #bellingham #bellinghamwa #bellinghamwinter #bellinghamsnow (at WWU, Bellingham) https://www.instagram.com/p/B7jhry7BLoP/?igshid=6sdzsic6113h

[the-weather-in-my-head]

Forager’s Harvest: went up to my favorite spot for chanterelles around Ashford with Jasper and Connor. We also found some lobster mushrooms that weren’t wormy at all, which is the biggest problem with them. Not too shabby! #foragersharvest #foraging #forager #mushrooms #chantrelles #lobstermushroom #mushroompicking #mushroomhunting #pnw #pnwforaging https://www.instagram.com/p/B2fdFLoAm8w/?igshid=73hgyyaja291

[the-weather-in-my-head]

Catch O the Day: hit Blaine with Devon this afternoon. It was her first time crabbing and liked it enough that she wants to go again. Not many keepers pulled up by anyone, these two rock crab by us and a couple rock crab and a Dungeness by another family. Lots of little guys though. Told em “go back and get bigger, we’ll see you next year”. #catchotheday #catchoftheday #crabbing #crab #pnw #pnwcrabbing #blaine (at Blaine Pier) https://www.instagram.com/p/B2IM-8gAkxe/?igshid=kik0u6mtmzne

[the-weather-in-my-head]

Catch O the Day: hit Blaine again for a -1.8 tide. Came away with a rock crab and a Dungeness. Saw a few dog shark and sculpin caught by so other folks at the pier. #catchotheday #catchoftheday #crab #crabbing #blaine #redrockcrab #dungenesscrab #pnw #pnwbounty (at Blaine Pier) https://www.instagram.com/p/B1z3gfcAt2S/?igshid=3fuf0b1v7z0a

[the-weather-in-my-head]

Catch O the Day: went up to Blaine again last night, ended up with three nice dungies. Not very many rock crab pulled up and none even close to keeper size, which is interesting because I usually can’t keep them out of the ring. Instead I couldn’t keep the dungies out, which won’t complain about. #catchotheday #catchoftheday #pnw #crabbing #pnwcrabbing #dungenesscrab (at Blaine Pier) https://www.instagram.com/p/B1jvAEUAuaf/?igshid=i2dikake0tds

[the-weather-in-my-head]

Catch O the Day: decided that since Blaine opened up for crabbing last weekend, I should hit one of my favorite spots. Ended up with two rock crab and dungie. Only question left, what do I make with it? (at Blaine Pier) https://www.instagram.com/p/B1SYLMVgE1X/?igshid=6quwsp75uejo

[the-weather-in-my-head]

In case you’re wondering, it’s alive and well That little habit that you left with me Here in the suburbs where it’s hard to tell If I got the bear or if the bear got me How did you know that it would take me down Down to the bottom of the wine dark sea Where you were waiting there to bring me round Where you knew all the dopest cuts to be Drowned at the bottom of your mystery Down in the bottom of the wine dark sea #downinthebottom #walterbecker #pnw #sunset #summer #summersunset #pnwsunset #pnwsummer #pnwsummersunset #washingtonpark (at Washington Park) https://www.instagram.com/p/B0ZztrTg_K1/?igshid=18o77lervpwga

[the-weather-in-my-head]

Catch O the Day: I was finally invited to go fishing with my dad on one of his Neah Bay trips with his buddy. We fished yesterday at Swiftsure Bank for the salmon and the rocks off Cape Alava for the rockfish. 2 chinook, 4 coho, 21 rockfish. We couldn’t keep either off the hook the entire day. The water was unusually calm, which is probably good for a first fishing trip on the salt. #catchotheday #catchoftheday #salmon #rockfish #saltwaterfishing #neahbay #chinook #coho #pnwfishing (at Neah Bay, Washington) https://www.instagram.com/p/Bz6gEm2AACI/?igshid=12drl1fx4etxw

[the-weather-in-my-head]

Catch O the Day: Chad and I went down to the Point Defiance Boathouse for a little night fishing and ended up fishing until 2 in the morning. This rock crab is easily in the top three largest rock crab I’ve ever caught. There was one more that I lost right at the dock that chad estimates at almost twice the size of this one. Not pictured are the two other dog sharks, four other monster crab, three other sculpins, an anemone, and piece of steel beam. #nightfishing #fishing #dogshark #scuplin #redrockcrab #pointdefiance #saltwaterfishing (at Point Defiance Boathouse) https://www.instagram.com/p/BzZRC0NArbE/?igshid=5oj35c9g8kun

[the-weather-in-my-head]

I’m sorry for how I acted and what I said when I was hurting.

[the-weather-in-my-head]

i cant even play hard to get im already hard to want