textsfromteamcockroach

[textsfromteamcockroach]

(908): i feel like i got punched in the face....

(732): you did....

[textsfromteamcockroach]

(201): Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?

[textsfromteamcockroach]

(401): His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old

[textsfromteamcockroach]

(286): I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.

[textsfromteamcockroach]

(817): You’re completely useless in the revolution.

[textsfromteamcockroach]

(646): I figured out plans for New Year’s and by figure out I mean I’ve got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?

[textsfromteamcockroach]

(217): Why is there a cactus in the microwave?

(1-217): Don’t worry about it

[textsfromteamcockroach]

this blog cleared my skin and cured my depression.

I’m glad you’re enjoying the blog! ❤️❤️❤️

[textsfromteamcockroach]

(260): apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled “cake: and all it says is “i love it so much”

[textsfromteamcockroach]

(803): Everybody was literally kung fu fighting

[textsfromteamcockroach]

That sounds illegal

I’m in

[textsfromteamcockroach]

A: Prices are always negotiable. A: What were you thinking?

B: Well, given my vast experience in the field of art collecting, I would value this piece at $50.

[textsfromteamcockroach]

(+44): Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.

[textsfromteamcockroach]

(602): my dad is going to jail this weekend

(1-602): where are we going to get our weed from?

[textsfromteamcockroach]

(248): Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave

[textsfromteamcockroach]

(518): But I’m currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.

[textsfromteamcockroach]

1,000 of you have now been texted. Thank you for the follows! You make the bass drop in this cockroach’s heart. 🔊❤️