#zuko voice: my feelings towards my sister are very complicated

[discordiansamba]

Azula visits him in his cell.

He knows she's coming before she arrives. He can hear the guards at the door try and dissuade her. His sister snaps at them, angry. How dare they stand in her way, when she knows that they let Mai through. They relent, and Azula steps into his cell.

She crinkles her nose at the smell. He's less filthy than he was before thanks to Mai, but only just. She meets his eyes- and for just a moment, her breath catches. Zuko's tempted to start growling, just to see what would happen. The dragon goads him on, but he decides against it.

"What do you want?"

She obviously didn't expect him to speak. When he does, she exhales, and she's back to the normal Azula.

"I see you're back to your usual self," Azula observed, "-I suppose we have Mai to thank for that. I hear she's been visiting you."

"Upset you'll have a harder time executing us?" Zuko asked. "Or is father the one who plans to do the honors?"

Azula flinches- it's obvious that she didn't expect him to know about that. He doesn't blame her. She must have assumed he didn't have the presence of mind to understand anyone when he'd been paraded through the Caldera like a chained beast.

(He had been, he supposes.)

"Father, of course," Azula recovers, "-it's only fitting that the Fire Lord should slay the last of the dragons."

Zuko bares his fangs. "What makes you think we'll go down so easily?"

Azula huffs, and rolls her eyes. "You should just make it easy on yourself, Zuko. I would think you'd be grateful to be released from your miserable excuse for an existence."

Yeah. He can't deny that some small part of him still longs for that. But he thinks of Uncle, and of Mai- thinks of his friends. They'd all seen him at his worst, but they accepted him anyways. And she's right- if he dies, the dragons really will be gone. He's spent years chafing at the confines of the prison that is his body, but maybe it doesn't have to be one.

Azula never looks him in the eye anymore. He levels his gaze with hers, but she takes it as the challenge it is, and doesn't look away.

"And what would you do," Zuko said, "-if it comes for you next?"

His sister pales. He shouldn't be enjoying this. He's not stupid- he figured it out a long time ago. He knows Azula blames herself. She hadn't known the consequences when she'd shoved him into that cave- she'd only been six. She was just playing a petty, jealous prank. All she'd wanted was to go back to the villa and lap up mother's attention for a few hours.

He also won't lie to himself. He blames Azula- but only sometimes. She was just a child. They'd both been children. But he also can't pretend that he's not bitter, vengeful in a way that has nothing to do with the spirit that took up residence in his skin. She'd taken everything from him- just like her namesake had taken everything from the dragon.

"Don't worry," Zuko promises, "-when you're running a fever that high, you don't even notice your body twist out of shape."

"Shut up," Azula snaps, "-I would never let that happen."

"You wouldn't have a choice," Zuko says, "-did you think I did? You can't fight something like that. You'll be lucky if the dragon decides to ever give you your body back. It's not like Uncle's here to guide you."

(He's not quite himself right now, otherwise he would never be saying these things. But he doesn't stop. He holds the dragon at bay, but only just.)

"Be quiet," Azula hisses, "-I would never become like you."

"No, you won't," Zuko agrees, "-because I don't intend to die."

Azula stares at them for a long moment, then clicks her tongue. She leaves without another word, and Zuko exhales. He shakes off the dragon, its whispers falling back into silence. He feels like he's finally won, but it doesn't feel as good as he hoped it would.

He doesn't hate Azula. He can't.

(It was as much a warning as anything else. Killing him would only free the dragon- and leave it free to search for its next host

Who better than Azulon's very namesake?)

[trojantoast]

Cold is the Night (Day One: Reunion)

 Zutara Week 2020

@zutaraweek

AO3

“Once he's gazed upon her, a man is forever changed

The bravest men return with darkened hearts and phantom pain

Ages come and go, but her life goes on the same

She lives to see the sun and feel the wind and drink the rain

Her colors change to mark the passing of the days

No Earthly sight can match the beauty she displays

And when I die I want her lying by my side

In my grave, in my grave”

- La Belle Fleur Sauvage (Lord Huron)

___

The arctic wind was bitter cold, but the sight of the Southern Water Tribe as he rounded the iceberg filled him with warmth. Unlike its northern sister, with its white, impenetrable walls. Only a wide harbor filled with ships and sea birds, separated the frigid ocean from the village.

 No great citadel greeted him, no sparkling palace. Yet, it was not the same tribe as years past. Gone were the huts and animal skin tents. A broad path in the snow led from the port to a neat cluster of igloos nestled at the snow covered foot of the mountains, cradled by a low wall. The only permanent settlement was the low rotunda of sculpted ice and snow that crowned the village. The home of the Southern Tribe winked with fire light in the eternal dawn.

Fire Lord Zuko breathed in the crisp, familiar scent of brine and metallic snow, as his cruiser dropped anchor in the harbor. In minutes his motor boat reached the shore, and his breath of fire was the only thing keeping him from shivering right out of his parka. Summer or not, Zuko was chilled to the bone. 

Three figures greeted him on the docks of ice. All were male, tall and broad. One broke away and as he grew closer his voice carried over the arctic wind, until he was only a few feet away.

“Gran Gran will be happy to see you wearing the parka she made you, though… the matching toboggan seems to be missing.”

Zuko smiled as he was enveloped into an embrace, “Hello, to you too, Sokka.”

The warrior gave him a quick squeeze and pulled back, his characteristic grin plastered on his face.  Zuko looked down at his previously mentioned navy blue parka. It was cut in the Fire Nation style, and lined with white fur. “Well, I couldn't refuse a gift from a foreign dignitary, especially one that was handmade for me.”

“Certainly not, parkas of that quality can take an entire winter to hand stitch. To have one made for you is a declaration of trust and allyship, sacred to our tribe.” Zuko looked up to the second Warrior, taller than Sokka, but narrower in the shoulders. The firebender bowed formally, 

“General Bato,”

There was a bark of laughter, and the third man joined the group, “General... that’s a good one.”

The tall warrior rolled his eyes, “What would you prefer, Hakoda, ‘Igloo-maker in Chief’?”

The leader of the southern Water Tribe threw his arm around the warriors shoulders and smiled, “As long as it's not my igloo.”

There was another round of chuckles, and Hakoda grasped Zuko’s forearm in a formal greeting.

“You really should take care of that parka. Bato’s not kidding, they do take all winter and you know how long those are around here.”

“I’ll be sure to express my gratitude to Kanna when I see her.”

“Glad to hear it,” Hakoda smiled softly, but his eyes turned more earnest, and he placed a strong hand on Zuko’s shoulder. The Fire Lord’s guards didn't even flinch. Snow swirled absentmindedly around the group in the moments before the chief spoke, “I believe we have some things to discuss.”

Zuko nodded, his hand dipping unconsciously into the pocket of his parka, “yes, we do.”

___

Talking could wait, apparently, as Zuko and the rest of his crew were loaded up into sleds (recently reintroduced to the tribe's way of life, after they finally had enough food to feed arctic dogs as well as themselves) and taken to the village. It was bigger up close, but barely larger than the smallest of villages in his home country. Children trailed after them, and Zuko smiled as Captain Jee sent little spirals of sparks, like fireworks, towards their awed faces. 

Sokka was giving him a very speedy tour, pointing out new landmarks and trying to explain who lived in what igloo, before they passed by in a shower of kicked up snow. The main gathering building of the tribe was circular and sprawling. Multiple branches and bubbles of different rooms peaked out of the drifts of snow. The ship's crew was taken to the temporary barracks to get cleaned up before the feast that the tribe's women had prepared. Zuko was led to the guest house he usually occupied on his visits.

Zuko tried to refuse any big ta-do about his arrival. It wasn't even an official visit. He knew that even if the tribe was quickly bouncing back after the war, that there wasn't much food to spare. However, the tribe members had been insistent, and he couldn't really argue. 

He followed Sokka around the backside of the rotunda to the igloos and huts that Chief Hakoda’s family and visitors used. 

He tried not to let his eyes drift to the home nestled between his and the chief’s. It’s doorway was dark, no smoke curled from its chimney, and from the snow drifted against the door, it had not been entered in a while.

That’s a good thing, he said to himself. 

He wasn’t very convincing.

“You know, I'm surprised you haven't asked about her yet.”

Zuko stilled at the door of his igloo, a now familiar place. He let his eyes linger on the other home.

“I know she’s not here, and that’s how I wanted it to be, so…” he trailed off.

“What has it been? Six months?” Sokka continued past him carrying Zuko’s trunk with little effort. He set it down by the large cot and bed roll. Zuko sighed and followed suit. The space was immediately warmer than the outside air. The curtain of a door settled behind him. 

“Seven… and three quarters.” He grabbed a tea kettle and set it on the small cooking fire at the center of the single room house. Sokka plopped down on the cushions around the pit, arranging them so he could comfortable lounge back.

“Hey, I haven't seen Suki in almost five months. I mean,” there was a grunt as Sokka removed his boots, “It's not quite the same, since me and Suki are technically married and you guys…” Sokka seemed to struggle for the right thing to say. In the meantime Zuko removed his own boots and parka, which had grown hot, and ran a hand through his unbound hair. He had kept it roughly the same length for the past five years. 

“We agreed that this was the best thing for everyone. Katara’s where she's needed, and so am I.” Sokka raised a critical brow, but just shrugged.

“And, I'm sure your visit here has nothing to do with ‘being where you're needed’” Zuko shot him a withering look. Sokka had the decency to look sheepish.

“Hey,” the warrior raised his hands in surrender, “I only speaking the truth.”

Zuko wasn’t quite ready to face the truth.

He wasn’t ready, because the truth frightened him. It kept him up at night. It made him lose focus in meetings and it made him count the days between every time he saw her. He knew the truth, and he didn’t want to hear it.

“Well, buddy, I’m just glad you’re here.”

Zuko looked up from inspecting the tea pot, and smiled, ever so slightly, 

“Me too.”

___

The meal was no feast or ball, but the entire village gathered in the largest and center-most room of the rotunda. The tribe’s numbers, with it’s warriors returned, and half a decade of peace, had grown to nearly 200. Yet, the room didn’t seem cramped as everyone piled onto cushions around low dining tables. Even when Zuko’s crew and personal guards (who where only there on principle, Zuko had never felt safer than among the Southern Water Tribe), joined the company, the crowded space felt comfortable and warm.

Zuko had been placed in the seat of honor, at the left hand of chief Hakoda, and the right hand of Kanna, the chief's mother, and the village’s elder. As per tradition, the youngest of the group and the unmarried women served the rest of the tribe before eating. Sokka told him once, that the action was to reinforce loyalty and represent how they serve their tribe first, until they marry, or become adults. 

The food was traditional water tribe cuisine, made by collective effort of the women, both married and unmarried, of the tribe. 

Platters of roasted fish, and savory rein-caribou meat was served, alongside various stews and cooked greens. sea prunes, clams, and other crustaceans were also distributed. The food, like the tribe who made it, was hearty. It was salty, and fatty, and so unlike the hot spices and complicated recipes of his Zuko’s homeland. The Fire Lord hadn’t had a meal as delicious in a long time. 

The room was filled with chattering voices and laughing children, muffled by the animal pelts and cushions they all lounged on. Everyone had striped their outer clothes off, and the parkas joined the piles of furs surrounding the group. People moved from table to table, catching up on the day's activities and trading jokes and stories. The older warriors took special interest in comparing notes with his crew on sailing techniques. Every member of the tribe, from the oldest widow, to the mother’s with their tiny babies, came to Zuko’s table and greeted him formally. Zuko gave them a warriors handshake or a bow, according to their age. Some of the children brought him tiny, crude, carvings of bone, made in the shapes of animals or people. In return, he bestowed a carefully wrapped cake from the satchel at his side into their tiny hands. The pastries were crunchy on the outside and impossibly soft on the inside; shaped like lotus flowers. They were straight from the royal kitchens, and Zuko pretended not to notice when they came back for seconds. 

Zuko barely had time to eat the food that had been piled onto his plate, between greeting the tribe, and joining into the discussions at his own table, but he made do. 

“So, young man,” Zuko turned from giving a little girl her third pastry, to Kanna. The older woman had finished her bowl of stew, and was now working on the delicate and complex embroidery on a deep blue parka. “What is it you plan to do with all those carvings the children are giving you?”

Zuko smiled, and turned to look at the small army of animals he had absentmindedly arranged in rows next to his table setting. 

“I’ll probably put them with the others. I have a glass bureau in my office that holds some of the gifts I’ve received from other dignitaries. The children’s carvings have their own shelf.” The carvings had become a sort of tradition every time he came to visit. 

She chuckled, it was a rumbling, gravelly sound, “I can’t imagine these next to the rich items you must get.”

Zuko picked up the carving closest to him. It was a black wolf-whale. The little boy who had given it to him, had charred the bone to mimic the pattern of black and white splotches of the animal in real life. 

“Yeah, but these are my favorite.”

He ran his hands along the upright fin on its back.

Kanna smiled quietly to herself and returned to her embroidery.

Slowly, as the night went on, the children grew tired, and their parents bid last goodbyes to the members of Zuko’s table. And as the kids were rebundled up and carried, sleepily, back to their own homes, the rest of the village filed out as well. The younger men and women left in groups, or pairs, laughing heartily together, to spend time among themselves. The widows and widowed warriors bore their own farewells. Soon, even the village elders grew sore of sitting and talking and eating, and went their own ways, wishing the guidance and protection of the spirits in the dreams of their chief, his family, and the Fire Lord. 

The dishes had been cleared away much earlier in the night, so when Hakoda led them into a hall toward a small study, they left the gathering room quiet and empty. 

Zuko rose from his seat, and extended his elbow to Kanna, who excepted it with a pat to his for arm and a smile. 

“Such good manners.” She praised. Zuko felt himself blush.

The adjacent room was furnished with low couches and a stone fireplace that peaked out of the white ice walls. More thick pelts lined the floor. Zuko recognized the large maple shelves and desk as those he gifted Hakoda himself, made of the finest Fire Nation lumber. 

Sokka, Kanna, Bato, and Zuko all settled into the couches, as the Chief pulled out a dark blue glass bottle from the bottom drawer of his desk. He poured each member of the group a drink of the clear liquid, before he sat another one of the couches, instead of his high backed desk chair. 

Zuko took a sip, and tried not to wince as the alcohol burned his throat. Immediately, he was warmer than before. He watched the others. Zuko knew what was coming.

Hakoda took a very slow sip of his drink, and turned to the firebender.

“I’m assuming you didn't sail all the way down to the South Pole to take in the scenery.”

Zuko swallowed, as they all turned their attention to him.

“No, no I didn't.” he took another drink, stealing his nerves, then placed the glass down. 

“Me and Katara have discussed it, at length.” Zuko found that Kanna’s stare was level and calm, he felt reassured. “She thinks it’s the best thing for us, and I agree.” Zuko looked around the room.

“We want, no… we're going to get married.”

Zuko didn’t know what reaction he would receive. He had been obsessing over what Katara’s family would say, what they would do, since the idea of marriage first entered his mind. He expected it would involve being forcefully thrown into the arctic ocean. The sensible part of his mind knew there was nothing to worry about, since almost immediately after him and Katara had announced their courtship her family, and her tribe, had taken him in as one of their own (Bato had even teased them about step-grand children). Yet, the other voice in his head still haunted him with fears of rejection. But, Hakoda only sat up, placed his glass down, looked into Zuko’s eyes, and waited for him to continue.

So Zuko did.

“We know that it’s not going to be easy. We know that it will be dangerous. We know that we each have responsibilities and duties, and I respect hers and she respects mine. We’ve been considering it for a while now, and it's what we both want. I know that relations between my nation and yours, are...tense, but they're getting better, and there's people where I’m from that won’t like it, but I think that together, we can show that the four nations can coexist and that the Fire Nation cares about reperatio-”

Hakoda held up a hand, Zuko went silent, he swallowed again. 

The chief looked deep into his eyes, Zuko didn't break the contact.

“I don’t care what your union means politically. I don’t care what message it will send to the other nations, what message it will send for your people, son. I just want to know one thing.”

“Anything.” 

“Do you love her?”

Immediately, he answered, “Yes,” his hand settled on his chest, between his two lungs, where he knew the scar sat, “with all my heart.”

Zuko looked around the room, each pair of bright blue eyes were fixed on him. 

“I don’t know when I started to, maybe it was the day of the comet, maybe before, maybe after, but when I asked her to come with me to fight my sister and regain my throne, I knew it had to be her that came. I love Katara, but before that, I trust her. I trust her with my life. I trust her with my people and my country. I would die for her.”

Zuko felt it then, the ghost of the pain, the exhilaration, the fear as he watched Azula take aim. “Taking that lightning was the easiest thing I’ve ever done, and I would do it again, ten thousand times over.”

Bato spoke next, “And she feels the same way?”

Zuko thought, for a second, replaying the last five years in his mind. The image that lingered in his mind was the flashes of blue fire through clear water as she battled Azula, risking her life to defeat the most dangerous firebender in the world, just to save him.

He smiled, gently, “Yes, I know she does.”

Kanna’s face was stone, “You swore an oath to serve your people and your country? Is that correct Fire Lord Zuko?”

He nodded. The elder looked him in the eye. He felt like she was looking deep into his soul.

“In our culture, the marriage vow outweighs any oath to lord or land. Katara must come first, before your throne, before your crown. The binding of two souls is far more ancient than any border or king, as old as the very first marriage of the spirits Tui and La. The promise you will make to each other trumps any other loyalty, and will last beyond your last breath, into the next life. Do you understand?”

“Yes, I do.” he instinctively reached into his pocket, “The only reason Katara doesn't know I’m here is because she would say that asking for permission from the bride's family was an outdated tradition” Sokka smirked at that, “but I also know how much your good opinion means to her, and I don’t want to hide anything from you.

“I want to do this by the book, so I’m here, to ask you personally,” he looked from person to person, “do me and Katara have your blessing for our union?”

There was silence in the room. No one moved. Zuko barely breathed. 

Then Kanna rose, slowly. Instinctively Zuko moved to help her but she held up a withered hand and crossed over to him.

“Kneel, and close your eyes.”

Zuko did. 

He felt her brush her fingers across his forehead. 

“Now,” he looked up, “I, Kanna, matriarch of the Southern Water Tribe, mother to Hakoda, grandmother to Sokka and Katara, grant you my blessing, and the blessings of the spirits for your union.” She looked behind her, “Does anyone present of the bride's family object to the bestoying of the blessing?”

The only response was Sokka’s wide grin. Kanna nodded, and returned to her seat. Zuko stood, he couldnt hid the joy on his face, he bowed, low, to each person in the room.

“So,” Hakoda dawned a smile for himself, “have you carved the necklace?”

___

Later that night, Sokka walked Zuko back to his igloo. After Zuko’s announcement there were multiple rounds of celebratory drinks, and the pair was distinctly drunk. The southern warrior threw his arm around the other man’s shoulders as they neared the entrance.

“You know, Zuko…” He burped, “we all knew it was a matter of time before you asked her. Dad just put you through all those formalities to make you sweat.”

Zuko chuckled, “Well, it worked.”

His friend, and soon to be brother-in-law, turned to him, seriously, "You also have to know Zuko, that if Katara was here she would object to you asking us not just because it's and 'outdated tradition' but because there's no question that our answer would be 'yes'."

The Fire Lord looked at the ground, "I just... wanted to be sure."

Sokka shook his head, placing a hand on Zuko's shoulder, "We love you, Zuko. Everyone does. Honestly, I think Gran-gran likes you more than me, which hurts, but whatever," he shrugged, "bottom line, your an important part of this family, and you were long before you an Katara started sucking face." Zuko couldn't hold back a snort of laughter, 

"I know, but sometimes it's hard, I'm not used to the whole 'unconditional love' stuff." he looked back, across the shining tops of the tribe, "you all just make it look so...easy."

Sokka laughed, "Yeah, tell that to dad the next time I loose blueprints." 

He ruffled Zuko's hair, and returned to his position leaning on him.

“So, when are you formally popping the question?”

Zuko’s eyes traveled over to Katara’s igloo next door, then to the lights of the harbor beyond, and the twinkling stars and moon reflected in the still water. 

“She comes back from Ba Sing Se in three weeks, so I figured as soon as she got home.”

Katara’s brother nodded, then grasped each of Zuko’s shoulders, making him look into his eyes, “That means you're staying long enough for bro time?” his brow was furrowed in absolute seriousness. 

“I wouldn’t dream of anything else.”

___

!!PLEASE REBLOG WITH THOUGHTS AND CRITICISMS!!

You guuuuuuys... it’s officially Zutara Week!!! YEE HAW!!!

Anyway, I’m sorry there was only indirect Katara in today’s submission. That will be rectified tomorrow. My plan for this year (though I haven't followed any plan for Zutara Week yet) is that all of my submissions will be apart of a linear narrative. It starts with today’s prompt, five years after the war, and goes from there. All of the submissions can be stand alone, but thay can also all be tied together. The only day that won’t follow this is Day Three: Celestial. I really love that particular one so its special. All of this could change, so don’t quote me on that. I hope you enjoyed :D

P.S. I’ll be tagging all my Zutara Week submissions for this year #ems zkw2020 

[gloves94]

Sunburn [Prince Zuko] 8

Warnings: None   Rating: PG-13   Pairings: Zuko/OC   Summary:  “You have everything you’ve ever wanted.” “No.” He said softly. “Not everything…”  His golden eyes looked at her with a melting intensity she had never witnessed before. “I guess not.” She responded with glassy eyes as tears welled up threatening to break the dam of her eyes.

My fanfiction: M A S T E R L I S T

A brown speck floated in a blue vastness in the middle of a lost sea.

Tsai lay on a boat she had stolen back in Mo Ce regretting every single decision she had done in her short life. Her moral compass had been askew. She could not believe she had actually stolen a humble fisherman's boat back at the docks. Why did she think she would be able to navigate a boat with absolutely no sailing experience? She had been lost at sea for days. Her only guide had been the north star which would compass her in the direction of the Northern Water Tribe. It seemed simple enough at the time. The air had been growing colder as the days passed and she thought she was approaching north due to the drastic climate change. She presently lay across the deck sprawled out like a starfish. Her skin was being burnt by the vicious sun, she was starving and was severely dehydrated.

Having had left Prince Zuko's ship in a rush she hadn't even manage to bring her belongings with her. Only picked up some supplies at the local village with the little money she carried on her person.

She regretted leaving home. She regretted attempting to follow her grandfather's dream.

Freeing the Avatar. Following Iroh on this fool's errand. The worst part is that nobody would know what happened to her now. She would die a disgrace to her clan. She would bring shame to her family. To her grandfather's name. It was then that she thought of him. She thought about him every day. Would he be embarrassed of her?

She sighed and closed her eyes- at this rate - she'd ask him herself soon...

Xxx

A cool sensation brushed against the auburn hair girl's skin. The cold wind made her shiver as she was able to regain the sensation in her skin. She turned over pulling herself together in a fetal position and her eyes cracked open to see a blurry blue shaped figure kneeling before her. Water dripped down her chin- water.

She parted her lips open and drank.

Xxx

"I'm not one to complain," a male voice whined. "But can't Appa fly any higher?"

Distorted conversations had resounded in her ears from a while now. Some were incoherent others more distinguishable.

'What's an Appa?'

"I have an idea! Why don't we all get on your back and you could fly us to the North Pole!" Another voice retorted. This one was younger, a bit more child-like.

"I'd love to," the original voice retorted dripping with sarcasm. "Climb on everyone, Sokka's ready for takeoff."

"W-what's a Sokka?" she mumbled slowly opening her eyes returning to the world with partial consciousness.

She slowly sat up leaning on her elbows and touching her head with her other hand she had a pulsating headache and found herself being covered by a heavy wool blanket.

"She's awake!" A female voice announced loudly.

Tsai took a minute to look at the two people that were gathered around her. Both had tanned brown skin, their eyes were blue and their hair was dark brown. They were wearing parkas in traditional Water Tribe fashion. They looked oddly familiar for some reason.

"Who are you?" She said attempting to scoot away from these strangers. "You're safe now," the girl spoke in tone which was not welcoming. She pulled out a cantaloupe and offered the girl some water which she desperately took in hopes it would quench her burning thirst.

Tsai eyed the girl with the loopy hairstyle through the corner of her eye. Her expression was bitter towards her. She could tell that for whatever reason this girl did not like her.

"We found your ship," the girl explained. "Aang said he had a feeling he had to go down and that's where we found you. You were dehydrated and sunburnt. We don't know how long you were out at sea."

She simply remained still taking it all in. Lowering her head in shame.

Her eyes drifted up and she saw a pair of large grey eyes starring back at her. The arrow above his forehead unmistakable. The Avatar. Then it all clicked together. She was flying on top of the Avatar's flying bison. The Avatar was on board and these two Water Tribe people were his loyal team mates.

"You're Prince Zuko's girlfriend?" The male with the fade haircut and ponytail accused. It was more of statement than a question. His eyebrow was raised in suspicion and mistrust.

The red tint that spread across her features did not go amiss to the group. She didn't want to think about her last moments with him. They were too painful. It was too much, too many complicated emotions to dissect at the moment.

"He wishes." She let out what sounded like a humorous huff. "My name is Tsai," she explained reclaiming her identity. She hoped they would come to know her as more than her association to the Fire Nation's prince. She proceed to explain her entire story and to tell them about when she saved Aang at the Pohuai Stronghold and how they met again in the Abbey and how she ran away to meet them at the Northern Water Tribe.

"This is you!" The teenage boy suddenly pulled out a parchment from a bag. It was the WANTED poster her brother had sent her. The one in which she went by the alias of Haru.

"Eyup," she said lazily. She wasn't proud of her wanted poster. Of the shame she had brought to her family and to her name. It wouldn't be long until somebody identified her and wrote her real name down. The thought of it made her stomach churn uncomfortably. Speaking of stomachs a sharp pain in her gut suddenly made her bent over.

"Here," The girl said fishing out what looked like dried nuts and seeds and handed it over to her. "Eat them slowly." She instructed and avoided Tsai's hand not wanting to touch or even be around her.

Regardless the girl was grateful for their kindness and began eating. "This is my brother Sokka, I'm Katara and you've met Aang." She said signaling to the Avatar.

"How do we know we can trust you?" Sokka still asked warily rubbing his chin. "First of all," she said weakly raising up an index finger. "I'm a non bender- what harm could I possibly do?" "Hey!" He protested. "I'm a non bender too! And I can do a lot of damage!" He whined fuming.

"She saved my life once Sokka, and because of it now hers is on the line," Aang interrupted taking his eyes off the horizon ahead of them. Sokka nodded, it made sense to him.

"Avatar-" Tsai began. "Aang, just Aang," he smiled over his shoulder.

"Aang. I wanted to talk to you-" she struggled to keep her eyes open. "About equality. I want all parties in this war to be equal."

Suddenly feeling faint. The girl laid back down, her eyes slowly shutting. She guessed her conversation with the Avatar would have to wait until some other time. And just like that she fell asleep once more. This time feeling more at peace than before.

Xxx

Moments later the group had been welcomed in to the Northern Water Tribe with open arms. Tsai only came back into consciousness when they arrived at the palace. Where everything was cold and crafted out of snow. She didn't like this place, it was cold, void, and everything was way too neat. For the first time in what seemed to be forever she felt home sick. She wanted to go back to Yu Dao and simply be in her room with Mecha or be in the indoor garden watching the swimming koi with her mother. Maybe even pestering her father while he attended his governing duties.

"Well, nobody likes this style anyways," one of the Waterbenders that had welcomed them had said when handing the colonial girl a parka which was a beige color and some dark brown pants and boots. "They haven't been dyed yet,"the bender had explained. "In these areas you have to stay warm. You could get frost bite or even hypothermia and that's it. So make sure to be aware of your temperature." he had warned. "don't get wet."

Presently Aang and his gang sat in a long table inside of the Northern Water Tribe's snow palace. Tsai wondered if anybody from the Fire Nation had ever been inside here as a guest. She sat in the same row as the Avatar next to the Southern Water Tribe siblings she had now learned were named Sokka and Katara. They sat with their legs crossed as the leader of this tribe, Arnook, had decided to host a feast in their honor. Despite her exhaustion and hunger Tsai sat like she had been taught to her whole life, with her back straight and her chin up. Drums were being beaten in the background. She kept her eyes focused on the massive fountain that decorated the center of the room.

It wasn't the right time, but she wanted to have a serious conversation with Arnook and with Aang. The future of the Fire Nation and of Yu Dao depended on it.

"Tonight, we celebrate the arrival of our brother and sister from the Southern Tribe. And they brought with them one of the last Airbenders and someone very special, someone whom many of us believed disappeared from the world until now...The Avatar! Not only have they brought the Avatar, but the last Airbenders as well!" Arnook said grandly, gesturing to his guests. The crowd cheered and applauded, "We also celebrate my daughter's sixteenth birthday. Princess Yue is now of marrying age!"

The edge of Tsai's eye twitched slightly. Arnook was suddenly beginning to sound a lot like her mother.

Suddenly a beautiful white-haired girl whom Tsai assumed to be Princess Yue stepped forward with two older women walking on either side and slightly behind her. Princess Yue smiled and briefly bowed her head demurely towards her father. She was beautiful. Her eyes were a striking blue, her hair white like rays of moon. She found herself unable to remove her eyes from her, feeling strangely drawn to her spirit.

"Thank you, Father." She said graciously then addressed the crowd, "May the great Ocean and Moon spirits watch over us during these troubled times!"

"Now, Master Pakku and his students will perform!" Arnook exclaimed, gesturing with one arm towards the three men standing on a raised platform across from the head table.

The older man, Master Pakku and the two younger men began Waterbending to significant bubbles of water from three large jugs in front of the raised platform, completely captivating the crowds. Aang and Katara were in awe as the two applauded almost jumping up from their seats. Tsai had never seen Waterbenders before, usually she would've been starring in awe but her hunger was too much and she began to as polished as possible eat the giant sea crab that had just been boiled, platypus bear, pickled fish and tentacle soup. Basically everything and anything that was in front of her. She ate as if she hadn't eaten in days, which to be fair she hadn't. And for dessert she had the sea prune stew. All delicious flavors that were unknown to her palette. Tsai was too busy eating that she did not notice the princess walking over and taking a seat besides Sokka who instantaneously stopped eating when he saw her. He swallowed a mouthful of food and brushed his hands clean against his clothes before leaning an elbow against the table as he attempted to look as cool and as nonchalant as possible.

"More for me," smirked Tsai as she helped herself to Sokka's food. He glared at her and it was then that the princess was starring at her intently. Her blue orbs frozen on her face. Magnetized. Tsai couldn't stop herself from starring as well. This sensation.. it was odd. She had never felt it before. It was emotional, it called more to her spirit.

It was then that her stomach grumbled. She snapped out of the trance and smiled politely before continuing to eat.

Moments later she sat with both hands on her stomach which now churned painful.

'Why did I eat so much?' She slouched slightly. Eyes focused on Arnook and the Avatar as she rehearsed the rhetoric she would say to them in separate meetings. She played a game of ping pong in her head, strategizing how the conversation would go. Snapping out of her train of thoughts she kept her eyes fixed on the Water Tribe leader as he lead Aang and Katara to Master Pakku who was standing on a raised platform. She watched the interaction and saw the water bending master walking away and Katara storming out. She didn't hesitate in flashing Tsai a deathly glare on her way out as she left the dinner party.

'What did I do?' She thought confused.

Once again exhaustion burdened her shoulders as she slowly leaned forward on the dinning table something which she considered to be extremely rude.

'No. I have to talk to him.' She decided determinedly and stood up approaching both Arnook and Aang who were at the center of the celebration.

Like most people from the Water Tribe Arnook had dark hair, skin and a set of striking blue eyes. He looked older than he should've due to the stress of the war.

"Chief Arnook," She approached them and bowed slightly stretching her hands out like she had always been educated in Fire Nation fashion.

His eyes widened slightly as he was taken aback by the gesture.

"My name is Tsai, I'm from Yu Dao, I'm-" She was interrupted.

"Fire Nation!" He said angrily.

She was taken aback by his reaction.

"You have brought a member of the Fire Nation to my tribe?" Arnook turned to scowl angrily at Aang.

"It's not like that," Aang defended. "She's not with the Fire Nation. She's with us."

"What if she leads them here? What if it is a trap? No Fire Nation citizen has set food in the North Pole in the last one hundred years! There is a reason why we have been able to survive this war for so long!"

"I'm-I mean no ill-" Tsai tumbled over her words as she struggled to find the proper thing to say. Everything she had rehearsed in her head before had just gone down the drain.

"Get out of my home!" He shouted. "You are not welcome here!"

She looked at him shellshocked her mouth gaping from the shock of his rejection.

"And your friend best be on her best behavior. She'll be watched closely. I'll be sure of it." He spoke menacingly before retreating.

Aang looked at her unsure of what to say and simply placed a comforting hang on her shoulder.

"Why? Why did he react in that way?" She asked confused. "I know the Fire Nation is at war, but I present no threat. I didn't even get to thank him for the meal," she said sadly.

Aang remained unsure of what to say. He really didn't meddle in these political matters.

"You'll have your chance to," he said with optimism before giving her shoulder a second pat. The girl let out a pessimistic sigh slightly dropping her head to the side. They decided to get out of here but before leaving Tsai noticed Arnook's daughter, the princess, still looking at her intently.

Some moments later they were escorted to a chamber outside the palace premises were Tsai and the others gave into sleep.

Xxx

Zuko was restless. He was sick of being on the ship. He was sick of sitting down, of laying down, of pacing up and down his small room. He was presently leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. His glare was fixed on a blank spot on the wall.

The events of the past days replaying on his head over and over again. Losing the Avatar.

Fighting Tsai.

Losing Tsai.

He had single handedly ran her out of his presence. He had done it again. He was completely alone, but most of all. He hated how her absence made her feel. Worst of all his uncle wouldn't shut up about how much she missed her and how she was the best Pai Sho player on board.

It was then that the metal door to his chamber open and Uncle Iroh poked his head inside.

"For the last time. I'm not playing the tsungi horn!" He snapped angrily.

"No, it's about our plans." Iroh said worriedly as he looked at his nephew carefully and stepped further into the dimly lit room, "There's a bit of a problem."

Zuko turned to see Admiral Zhao stepped into the room then, standing slightly behind Iroh as he stared at the banished prince coldly. That proud bastard stood tall with a smug expression on his face.

"I'm taking your crew." The Admiral stated matter-of-factly with a smirk on his face.

"What?!" Zuko demanded, pushing himself a way from the wall and moving to stand a foot or so away from the admiral.

"I'm taking them for a little expedition to the North Pole." Zhao said with a vile smirk on his face as he enjoyed the sight of the of the seething prince.

"Uncle, is that true?" Zuko asked in disbelief as he looked over Zhao's shoulder at his uncle.

"I'm afraid so. He's taking everyone." Iroh confirmed then covered his eyes with his arm in sadness, "Even the cook."

"Sorry you won't be there to watch me capture the Avatar." Zhao sneered down at the prince, "But I can't have you getting in my way again."

Zuko growled and charged towards Zhao with fire burning his eyes only for Iroh to move forward and stop him by putting his hands on his chest.

"No!" Iroh gasped, keeping his hands raised slightly as he and Zuko watched Zhao walk towards to crossed broadswords hanging on the wall of Zuko's cabin. His eyes growing slightly as recognition flickered through his eyes. He began connecting some dots in his head.

"I didn't know you were skilled with broadswords, Prince Zuko." Zhao stated with feigned interested as he picked up one of the swords, remembering how the Blue Spirit had used the same kind of swords back at the Pohuai Stronghold to rescue the Avatar.

"I'm not." Zuko replied and looked off to the side, "They're antiques, just decorative."

Zhao scrutinized the prince skeptically then began examining the broadsword in his hand as he addressed Iroh, "Have you heard of the Blue Spirit, General Iroh?"

"Just rumors." Iroh answered flippantly, "I don't think he's real."

"He's real alright. He's a criminal and an enemy of the Fire Nation." Zhao stated as he walked towards the other two then twisted the sword so the blade was facing down as he held it out to Iroh, who took the broadsword from the Admiral's hand. "And so is his accomplice," it was then that he pulled out a parchment from his back pocket. It was a WANTED poster with the drawing of a an auburn haired girl that was more than familiar to both Zuko and Iroh. Iroh's poker face was impressive almost worthy of award recognition. Zuko's could've used some work. He gritted the back of his teeth.

"Seem familiar?" the Admiral arched an eyebrow as he attempted to dissect the expressions on their faces for the slightest hint of a tattle tale give away.

"Tsai of Yu Dao also goes by the alias of Haru. Reports say that she fled Yu Dao some time ago. Came to the Stronghold and working together with the Blue Spirit freed the Avatar. She was last seen at the docks near the Abbey. Strange coincidence that that the two of us were in the same place... at the same time," he said trailing off as he eyed the two of them suspiciously.

So that's why she had left. She hadn't left because of him. She had left to protect them! She probably knew that Zhao would come hunting her down and fled before they associated her with them.

It was then that Iroh let out a loud laugh and patted his stomach.

"But she's the daughter of the Vice Royal Governor," Iroh laughed once again. "You really think the teenage daughter of the Vice Royal Governor snuck into a military fortress and freed the Avatar? And I thought you didn't have a sense of humor," he laughed. When Iroh painted it the scenario sounded absolutely ridiculous.

Zhao seethed as he boiled in anger feeling slightly humilliated.

"I have a feeling that justice will catch up with them soon. Specially with that little slut," It took every muscle in his body to keep Zuko from lounging at Zhao. Fists clenched at his side. He could feel his Uncle's gaze fixed on him. "Sounds personal," Iroh commented. Zhao ignored the comment and continued as he walked towards the door to the cabin and paused in the doorway with one hand on the door, "General Iroh, the offer to join my mission still stands...if you change your mind."

Zuko's jaw clenched as he and his uncle watched the other man leave the room, closing the metal door behind him.

Xxx

The next morning Tsai awoke feeling like a brand new person. Well rested and well fed she awoke and took her time doing her routine. It was hard not to be annoyed by Katara who excitedly chattered about how excited she was for her first waterbending lesson.

"What are you going to do today Tsai?" Aang asked as they got ready to leave for breakfast.

She paused for a moment. She had to have a conversation with him and with Arnook at some point, but it would have to wait. It had to be done correctly at the correct place at the correct time. Also it's not like she had money to shop around the market or buy any teas.

"Explore," she spoke ominously after a moment. She really wasn't in the highest of spirits. She meditated writing to her brother. Lost in thought she decided to explore the window show the local market.

The market was cold, filled with fish, sea food and other traditional Water Tribe artifacts such as carved necklaces and bead bracelets. She looked at the sea prunes and vast variety of roots, sea flora and fauna on the stalls. Some seemed familiar and she could identify from the many levels of encyclopedia she had read back in the palace. She would've love to try more of their delicacies but didn't even have the money to spend. Word of her being from the Fire Nation spread like wildfire and all villagers were wary of her. Hiding merchandise and glaring at her with pure hatred which confused her to no end. She felt hyper conscious and more alone than ever. Being shunned like that from all the others.

Talking to Arnook was going to be harder than she had expected. Feeling a presence next to her she turned and was surprised to see the white haired sixteen year old, it was Princess Yue.

"Majesty," she lightly bowed her head pressing her palms together as Fire Nation citizens usually did as a sign of respect. Several passersby gasped at this.

"Yue will do," she swatted her hand down reaching for her hands lowering them. "You're a princess too, right?" She asked the auburn hair girl

She smiled kindly at her in response. "Not quite," Tsai cracked a smile for what seemed to be the first time in forever. "My father is the Viceroyal Governor of Yu Dao, one of the Fire Nation colonies in the Earth Kingdom." She explained. "It's an hereditary title, but I'm afraid we are not royals."

"Want to come shopping with me?" The white haired girl offered her company to the other. With nothing else to do, feeling at ease, warmed and welcomed Tsai gladly accepted the invitation.

"By the way, I love your makeup," the Fire Nation girl complimented.

Xxx

Seeing Tsai and Yue walking together around the Northern Water Tribe was odd- maybe even scandalous. Seeing them together was odd. It was like two sides of the same coin.

Yue had confessed that she was interested in knowing more about her culture. Being the first outsider she had ever met in her life she had become intrigued by what the life of another sixteen year was like in another world. Specially one from the Fire Nation.

Yue showed Tsai around the market and anything that Tsai tried on or said she wanted was given to her as an offering as they all bowed to their beloved princess with respect. By now the girl resembled her old self a little more. Her eyelids were coated with some light brown eyeshadow and her lips with a peony pink lip balm. Nails were again polished dark. Seeing the two teenagers, one with bold auburn hair, the other with white, one wearing yellow the other wearing blue. It was a strong contrast that was not unperceived by others.

"So do you have a boyfriend?" Yue asked as they both sat on a gondola riding to the other side of the city. Yue had insisted that she wanted to show Tsai her favorite spot in the heart of the city.

Tsai hummed as she thought of her answer. Did she? Everyone she met thought Prince Zuko was her boyfriend, but was he?

"Erm- it's complicated," she admitted with a sheepish grin. Yue raised an eyebrow intrigued by the story. "Well," she ran a hand through her hair nervously. She wasn't home were she could have girl talk with her friends and it's not like she could talk about this with Katara. She would immediately know who she was talking about and shun her just like all the others.

"Well- the last time I saw him we were on his boat and we got in a fight," she began sadly.

Unknowingly to Tsai, Yue was picturing the most romantic scenario possible. A gondola in a pond and a verbal argument, not a physical one like it had been.

"We were on his boat and he kissed me mid argument," she blushed. "That is so romantic!" The other girl cooed. "I was so surprised I just- froze. You see he's- odd, complicated, mysterious-" "You are so crushing on him," the white haired girl gushed as they continued walking. Tsai felt her ears turn red. She shook her head and focused on the story. "And since I didn't kiss him back he took it as a rejection." "Was it one?" The other inquired surprised. "No- well- yes, erm- kind of," Tsai shook her head, eyes closed. "He's just! He can be such a child sometimes! He has a lot of growing up to do. Besides I can't deal with all of his baggage and inner demons," she shrugged. "That's something he has to figure out himself. You know what I mean?" "You sound so sure. I wish I was half as mature as you are," Yue sighed. "Trust me I am neither of those things," Tsai rolled her eyes before letting out a laugh. "I don't know what love is supposed to be or feel like, but I do know it doesn't call you a "pest" and push your buttons."

"Did I mention toxic?" She added.

"Oh, that sounds like a lot of fun. You're lucky you're not a royal. Most of us have arranged marriages and even then all the boys here are so dull. You know one you know them all. I really wish I could meet someone different," she sighed with a slight frown.

It was then that a voice called out her name.

"Princess Yue, good morning!" Sokka called out when he saw the Northern Water Tribe princess's gondola pass under the bridge he'd been standing on and he quickly ran down the steps and along the small path beside the canal until he caught up with Yue's boat.

"Somebody like Sokka perhaphs?" the red-head sniggered. Yue elbowed her to keep quiet with a giggle.

"Hey, how about that picnic last night?" Sokka questioned as he slowed to a walk alongside their boat and rubbed the back of his head as he caught his breath, "Boy, your dad sure knows how to throw a party."

"Yeah, Sokka would've eaten the entire Giant Crab if Katara hadn't stopped him," Tsai teased. Sokka flashed her a deathly glare and Yue tried to stiffle her laugher. "I'm happy you enjoyed yourself." She replied sincerely with a slight smile as she looked at the boy.

"Well, it wasn't as much fun after you left." Sokka confessed then blushed which caused the white haired princess to blush as well.Tsai rolled her eyes a smile on her face.

Sokka cleared his throat and rubbed the back of his neck nervously, "So, I'm still hoping we could see more of each other."

"Do an activity, you mean?" Yue asked in amusement as she watched the boy struggle from the corner of her eye, her lips curled in a small smile. Tsai giggled with her friend. She strongly fought the urge to make a sarcastic comments.

"Yes!" Sokka agreed eagerly, then awkwardly continued as he gestured with his hands, "At a place...for some time."

"I'd love to. I'll meet you on that bridge tonight." Yue said with a light laugh as she pointed towards the bridge in front of her.

"Great! I'll see you-Ah!" Sokka's happy reply was cut off by him yelping as he walked off the small ice path and into the water.

Both girls giggled behind their hands, peering behind her as the gondola continued moving forward.

"Sorry." She apologized and waved slightly with one hand. "That was adorable," Tsai laughed. "He's so cute!" Yue commented back with a blush "I-I just, I feel like I shouldn't lead him on," she said softly. Tsai had seen Sokka snoring the night before and picking his ear wax in the morning, in her eyes he wasn't that type but didn't want to ruin Yue's day dream. "Lead him on? There's no harm in just getting to know him," she advised wisely.

She spaced out for a moment imagining if Zuko would ever do something like that for her. She raised her eyebrows at the horrible imagery.

"Go out with me!" He would probably state bluntly sounding more of a demand than an invitation his cheeks red. For some reason there was also fire blazing in the background. She shook her head.

"So what are you wearing?" She gushed excited for her friend.

Some moments later they were at the spot that Yue had mentioned. It was a serene bond at the heart of the Water Tribe. Even the air felt warmer as they approached it. An oasis of peace blossomed in the midst of the snowy desert. At the end under a falling waterfall was some lush greenery growing, mist clouded the secluded area. Not a single sound could be heard.

"What is this place?" Tsai asked softly feeling like she might be disrespectful if she raised her voice. They both crossed a wooden bridge that lead to the island in the center of the body of water.

"This is the Spirit Oasis. It is the center of all spiritual energy in our land," Yue explained as they stood a foot away from the pond. In it Tsai could see two koi fish swimming. One was black with a white spot and the other identical in contrast. The fish swam in circles around each other in what seemed like an eternal dance of push and pull.

"Why have you brought me here?" Tsai asked perplexed as she removed her eyes from the koi fish and turned to look at her friend.

"I'm afraid I haven't been completely honest with you," Yue apologized. "I'm not interested in knowing about your culture or your life in the Fire Nation's colonies."

Tsai looked at her impatiently with an arched eyebrow.

"When I first saw you- when I met you- I felt a strange connection to you. As if we already knew each other." She explained.

The red-head was silent for a moment. "I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought you here-" Yue began turning away.

"No," Tsai raised a hand. "I felt it too." She spoke suddenly. "Almost like a pull?"

Yue stopped in her way and turned to face her friend.

"I feel like I've known you for a lifetime," the girl from the colonies confessed. It was such an odd feeling...

"I just had the feeling we had to be here. Together. The two of us." Yue explained. Tsai lowered her eyes to look at the two fish in the pond it looked as if she was almost hypnotized or in a trance.

Her mind went blank for a moment and she could've sworn she saw a bright light and felt a comforting heat before snapping out of it. She touched her arms feeling warm almost toasty. It was that pleasant feeling you get after a long day at the beach. She felt as if she had just been sun kissed.

xxx

AN: Oooohhh So what are we thinking? Why do you guys think Katara dislikes Tsai so much?

xxxx

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CHAPTER MASTERLIST

[adoranymph]

I was never the most graceful of children. Not much has changed since then, but I’d say I was far more awkward in my formative years. Especially my very early formative years. There were a couple of things I did that were very ungraceful indeed, and I’m still embarrassed still thinking about those things, wondering how stupid could I have been? Child or no. But for these perfectly human mistakes, it was enough of a reason for the rest of my elementary school classmates to pass judgement and decree that they’d make the majority of my waking school life Hell.

Fortunately for me, I had a set of loving parents (and a cat) waiting for me at home every day to escape to. And I did have friends, however, most of them were outside of my class, so it was a gamble during recess if I’d see them, and things like finding partners for in-class assignments were awkward at best.

And unfortunately, not all kids are even as lucky as that, and have absolutely no friends, and come home to family lives that are less than loving.  

They say that “living well is the best revenge”, and oftentimes I would think as a child, “Just you wait until I’m a successful writer and you have some stupid boring job”, and that would get me through one day to the next. It was one of those thoughts that even my mother encouraged, if only to make me feel better. Not a nice thing, but there were other kids hurting her baby, so I’m sure as far as she was concerned, thinking that way in private at least couldn’t do any damage. I’d like to think that it didn’t, even as I still think about those kids and at this point just wonder if they’re managing to get through our current crises okay.  

I haven’t been without my own moments of being mean, and in truth, I don’t think any of us really can say that we haven’t been. Unless we’re raised a devout, hardcore Buddhist who’s a natural at letting bygones be bygones. Indeed, if only we all  had the patience of a saint and the ability to take everything with good humor like I’ve seen the Dalai Lama do in interviews. If anyone’s the pinnacle of that kind of merciful strength in a world like ours, it’s him. 

Forgiveness is a complicated thing. It’s a big deal when we can say that we can forgive those who have wronged us. Depending on the wrong that was done however, that can factor into how easy it is to forgive. Which means sometimes it’s just impossible. 

Some might call that a shame, and for the most part, I’d agree. 

Like everything though, there are exceptions. 

Unfortunately, at times, the desire of one who’s done another wrong to be forgiven for that wrong doesn’t always come from a place of sincerity. Which means it could be fair to argue that that person’s desire to be forgiven comes from a place of selfishness, which defeats the purpose. 

At the same time, true guilt is a painful thing to bear, speaking as someone who’s felt heavy guilt as much as heavy hurt. Anything to make that feeling go away can drive anyone decent to desperation. So one of the first conundra is whether or not it’s right to seek forgiveness, if it’s more to make yourself feel better than to heal the hurt you caused another person. Not to say it can’t be both, but to forgo the latter for the former is, I really believe, missing the mark.

True desires for forgiveness only come from wanting to make the person you wronged feel better. Never mind those who try to just use it as a free pass to get away with what they’ve done, something which casts a shadow on those who want it for sincere purposes. Mostly because I think many are under the misconception that receiving forgiveness works the same way as would a Sham-Wow on their soul. Because I’ve thought that too. I think most of us have. Most of us have felt so bad about doing something terrible to someone else, we’d do anything to make that bad feeling go away.

Then there are those who would say that that bad feeling is in and of itself a punishment, hence the argument, “Haven’t I been punished enough?” But, again, the important thing is whether or not you learn from that feeling, contemplate on it, and understand why it is you feel that way, and how it is that you’ve brought it on yourself. 

Even after all that, it isn’t enough to beg for forgiveness. And forgiveness just can’t be given. Like all the best things, it has to be earned. Sincerely earned. 

I have made mention more than once before that I’m “glad” I was bullied. “Glad” isn’t really the right word though, not unless I were a glutton for punishment. More what I mean that I’m glad I was the one was bullied as opposed to the one doing the bullying, i.e., I’m glad that I had to deal with that and that dealing with that made me a stronger person, rather than get swept up in the self-esteem high that seems to come from putting another person down.

I’d like to think so, anyway. But seeing as how I’d prefer above all that to have not been bullied in the first place, nor to have ever bullied anyone (as I said, I have thrown out the occasional mean thing here and there and then regretted it, realizing I was totally not thinking when I said those things), I had to settle with what I got. Like most of us do. To this day, I think about all the torment I went through socially in elementary school, and to a lesser degree in middle school, right before my parents died and I got packed off to live elsewhere with my aunt and uncle. 

In the anime film, A Silent Voice, Shoya, a boy who mercilessly bullies, Shoko, a deaf girl in his elementary school class, is forced to taste his own medicine when he himself becomes the target of bullying after Shoko is forced to switch schools just to get away from the abuse. Abuse which includes but is not limited to: destroying at least eight pairs of her hearing aids, openly mocking the way she speaks, and little things like drenching her in hose water and throwing dirt in her face.

The film follows his own efforts to atone, and how he and Shoko manage to form a friendship and learn how to heal each other’s hurts from the past in forming that friendship. It poses questions like whether it’s selfish for Shoya to seek atonement, and when enough is enough when it comes to being punished for something you did, especially now that you’ve changed. Truly changed. For the better. 

And Shoya’s change is startling. In his elementary school days, we see him as that punk kid with whom the rest of the class is willing to along when it comes to laughs, which unfortunately includes laughs at the expense of others. Until one day when he “goes too far”, which doesn’t say much considering he was already going too far but I guess the line has to be drawn at some point, which in this case is when the teachers finally get around to getting involved.

(Which by the way, what was up with their teacher back then? That whole beleaguered jackass routine? Yeah, that didn’t exactly help matters.)

But after that, when he himself becomes the bullied, when he undergoes his own form of karmic suffering for what he’s done, he turns meek, unable to look anyone in the eye or get close to anyone. He loses old friendships, and is on the brink of suicide when he tries to make amends with Shoko, only to find himself trying to form a new friendship with her, and the from there the film plays out. 

There are people in the world I know I can never forgive. That said, those I can’t forgive are usually people I can sense would never actually bear the weight of the guilt that most ought to feel for the things they’ve done. Still, a little forgiveness goes a long way in the grand scheme of things. Thankfully, most people are feeling individuals, so while I can’t forget what they’ve done, I can forgive for the sake of their sincere desire to change their ways based on their sincere understanding of why what they did hurt me and or others. 

In stories, we have the benefit as the reader/audience of seeing both sides of a situation, the one who wronged and the one who was wronged. So, from that fourth-wall perspective, we find it at once easy and difficult to understand where the characters on both sides are coming from. 

In Avatar: the Last Airbender, there was an episode where I felt this strong confliction of emotions. It was the episode where Zuko has left his father, the Fire Lord Ozai and ruler of the Fire Nation, in order to join Aang the Avatar in defeating him and his tyranny. But given his track record with Aang and his friends, having spent the first half of the show mercilessly hunting Aang down so he can present him to Ozai and regain his place as the Fire Prince, it’s understandable that Aang and the Gang aren’t particularly keen on letting him join their group. Especially for Katara, who seems to carry the deepest wounds where both Zuko and the Fire Nation are concerned. So, even though they do need someone to teach Aang Firebending, Zuko has to work hard to get into their good graces enough in order to be accepted, and even then, there’s still some shaky ground to cover.

 Part of this is seeing how Zuko has to confront the consequences of his actions. Not just hunting Aang to the ends of the earth since the beginning of the series in order to please his father, and all the crimes against other innocents that that entailed, But also the fact that as he was starting to turn good, it seemed, towards the end of Book Two: Earth, before turning back “to the dark side”, as it were.

In the penultimate episodes of S2, he briefly gained Katara’s trust, presumably sharing with her the loss of his own mother when she broke down over the loss of her own as a casualty of this war that the Fire Nation started. Only for him to turn right around and take up his sister Azula’s offer to join her in taking Aang down in exchange for finally being allowed to come home after so many years of being banished. Just the same, it still hurt to see Zuko get turned away with so much anger when he tried to switch sides for good (in both senses of the word), especially when Katara drenched him furiously with water when he offered to be their prisoner if not a member of their group. As if we hadn’t already gotten enough of him getting kicked when he’s down in the episode “Zuko Alone”. 

Then you have Katara scoff at the idea that he’s trying to manipulate them by “making himself seem like an actual human being”. Which he wasn’t, and we know that, but we also know that to her, it must seem that way, given what happened between them last time. Still it stings, and more so when Toph tries to talk to the guy and he accidentally burns her feet when he’s startled by her, then tries to apologize and then yells, “Why am I so bad at being good?!”, which is at once piteous and hilarious. I like though that that ties into the reason that Aang finally gives into letting Zuko teach him Firebending, when Zuko admits that he too needs to learn control, so that he won’t accidentally burn people again. Aang identifies with that after that time he accidentally burnt Katara while getting too enthusiastic with his own first attempts at Firebending. I appreciate that nuance, because it’s the smallest patch of common ground to start sowing new friendship on, as it was Aang himself who wondered aloud if the two of them couldn’t have been friends, back in S1. 

Where Katara is concerned, she doesn’t really accept Zuko for a few more episodes down the line, not even after Zuko helps her brother Sokka break their father and Sokka’s girlfriend Suki out of the Boiling Rock Fire Nation prison. When everyone else seems to have accepted him, and she’s still clinging to her anger, he offers her the information on how to find the man who killed her mother as a means of appeasement. They go out together to track that man down, and Katara faces down her own demons, her desire for revenge. She realizes, after seeing how pathetic the man is, that he’d simply this small man who’d used his brief moment of power to take the life of an innocent, and what all that had amounted to. In the end, she can’t bring herself to kill him.

But it’s after that that she’s able to forgive Zuko, perhaps out of the fact that his taking her side on seeking revenge might have convinced her of the humanity inside him that was worth taking a chance on. That they do share the losses of their respective mothers in common as a result of Fire Lord Ozai and the Fire Nation’s war on the world. Unlike the ex-soldier who killed her mother, Zuko made not only a very human mistake, but one that he is genuinely, humanly sorry for. 

Zuko had to work to earn that forgiveness, and through earning it, learned from his mistake, rather than simply wore it as a badge of automatic absolvement. He absolved himself of his guilt with his own actions, and not at the will of Katara, and only after did Katara forgive him. Which led to something that, as much as part of me ships them (sort of) I don’t think gets enough credit as a beautiful hetero friendship. (Plus, I love Zuko x Mai just as much if not more. But then, nine times out of ten, I agree with the canon ships in most things.) 

Whether the initial desire for forgiveness was selfish, in the end, Zuko atoned for what he did and more, since in the climax episodes of the series he saves Katara’s life from a death bolt of lightning from his sister Azula by throwing himself in front of it. That he learned from that absolvement to be more self-sacrificing for the sake of those who are vulnerable (thankfully Katara takes Azula out right after he’s down for the count and it’s awesome). He didn’t just go back to his old habits, and was in fact able to clear that last hurtle to fully atone for everything he’s done. Pity the same can’t be said for his sister Azula, but I can set that aside for another post in future. 

In the case of Shoya and Zuko both, we see them go through moments that would make you feel for him, even though at the same time you know objectively and subjectively both that they deserve what they get coming to them. What mother wouldn’t smack someone for psychologically scarring their child, as Shoko’s mother does to Shoya in once scene? And when Shoya is first trying to reconnect with Shoko, Shoko’s little sister Yuzuru tries to keep Shoya from getting to her, just thing to look out for her. Which is totally understandable. And she’s even the one who points out that if Shoya’s just doing all this nice stuff to make himself feel better, he’s wasting his time. 

Only for Shoya to bring it back to how he still feels maybe the world would be better without him. 

As it turns out, Shoko is just as or nearly as suicidal as Shoya was at the beginning of the film. Like when they were in school, Shoko just wanted to be friends. In truth, the two of them had more in common than Shoya would have initially thought. But it was hard for him to understand that in part just because Shoko was someone with whom communication was difficult. So when Shoya finds Shoko about to jump off a balcony to her death, he manages to pull her back in the end without regard to the risk to his own life. 

From there comes an emotional wave-chain of weeping apologies and catharses. And Shoya and Shoko both come to an understanding that heretofore they hadn’t been able to reach. Once they’re able to bridge the gap between them, through a reaching out to the other, they begin to see the worth in each other’s lives, find reasons for each of them to be alive. Even before this moment, Shoya still seems to wonder if the world wouldn’t be better off without him, even after his mother’s already made him promise not to try that whole suicide thing again. 

The two of them have different reasons for wishing they were dead, and for wanting reasons to like themselves again. But those desires in and of themselves serve as common healing ground for them both. The idea of playing these themes against a girl who’s deaf is interesting in its own way, if only because when we’re addressing those with whom we disagree as well as those whom we’ve wronged but can’t understand how, or who have wronged us, it can often feel like we’re talking to those who can’t seem to hear us, even if they do actually have a working pair of ears. Which can serve as yet another block to forgiveness. 

Forgiveness as a concept is put on a pedestal it seems. That the ability to offer forgiveness grants you validation as a good person. That if you can’t, then there’s just some level of enlightenment that you have yet to reach. But, as said repeatedly above, it’s more complicated than that. There could be differences between forgiving a person, and forgiving their actions, and even vice versa, and every which way in between.

As I said, there are people and things that I can’t forgive in this world. And that I can honestly say after giving it some thought that I don’t feel bad about not being able to forgive them. Which is not to say that I wish them every ill imaginable upon them, and if I were in the very unlikely situation where they were dangling off a cliff and I was the only person who could pull them up, I’d pull them up. And that I could do that and still not forgive them I believe carries its own unique sense of morality: “I can’t forgive you or what you’ve done, but I don’t believe that you deserve to be left to die either. Not when I can save you, anyway.” 

But who knows, I could totally be talking out of my hat. 

That said, there are so many miseries that would be made less miserable if there were more forgiving people in the world. That despairing question cried into the void, when will the cycle finally be broken? I’m not sure that it can, but I think it can be broken down, and that’s starting with things like forgiveness. And to start with that, means understanding that forgiveness does not mean giving a free pass to people and their transgressions. More it should mean, “I am willing to give you a chance as a human being, because I am a human being too.” 

To forgive is to be willing to open one’s heart to someone who has done them wrong. Sometimes that’s not easy on a personal level, and, again, understandable. But on a larger scale, I think it’s an important thing to consider. While there can’t be this illusion that forgiveness works the same as a magic finger snap, I still believe it can still work as a good first step towards something better than what we have now. 

With recent events as they are, I’m taking a moment here to offer the below link as a way to encourage another small but meaningful way to make a difference. 

  Forgiveness I was never the most graceful of children. Not much has changed since then, but I'd say I was far more awkward in my formative years.

[emletish-fish]

Worst Prisoner Swamp notes:

ff.net

ao3

Notes:

This chapter covers the swamp to the start of the blind bandit.

So the swamp shows you people you love, irrespective of time (ie Aang seeing Toph in the swamp before meeting her. Hands down, I thought they were foreshadowing eventual Taang and I was so pleased. Much older Toph and Aang could actually be so good for each other. Aang needs grounding and Toph needs someone to help smooth those super abrasive and defensive edges and brave enough to climb over her defensive walls.)

Katara and Zuko first bonded about their mothers and I wanted to elaborate on a conversation about that, but I couldn't really find a place for it in book one. I felt like it would be perfect here as a flashback. Mostly because the swamp brings up a lot of issues for Katara, but also because by this point, I missed writing my drama llamas together.  Just look at them, they are beautiful together.

Zuko's mum: So I think Ursa tried. However, I think she would have enjoyed Zuko's company more. Hands down that woman loved both those kids, but one of them was infinitely easier to be around than the other.  She probably concentrated on teaching Zuko more, because he was receptive. Whereas I think Azula got more scoldings from her mother.

The flipside of this, and goodness have I seen it countless times, is that when there are two or more children, and one is very challenging – the “good one” is put under enormous pressure to always be “good”, because the adults don't want to deal with two difficult ones. I think that Ursa would have been quick to correct any behaviour Zuko showed that she didn't like. She would have done this lovingly, but she would have still done it, because she needed one “good” and “manageable” kid.

I am not at all with the Azula apologists who blame Ursa for 'withholding affection' and that's why Azula is the way she is. In the flashback we see Ursa scolding Azula a lot and that is because Azula's behaviour is deserving of a scolding. Ursa is trying to set boundaries. Azula is not an easy kid to raise right, but lordy is that woman trying. Azula is a product of her environment while also being responsible for herself and her choices.

I think Azula loves Zuko and her mother, deep down, in one big, hellish tangled ball of complicated feelings – which I will delve into when we get to it.  Katara sees them as complete opposites, because in her mind Zuko = good, friend and Azula = evil gremlin. She doesn't want to see any similarity between them – but those two have more than a nose in common.

I can see Ursa trying to give them a more rounded knowledge of the world and an appreciation of the things she loved, like music. I chose tacky dramatic plays – because my goodness, both Zuko and Azula are ridiculously dramatic. I hate the comics and pretend they don't exist. I think rather than Ursa being a common actress, she was a noblewoman who was just really into the theatre.  Zuko and Azula both learned that being super dramatic got their mother's attention and brought her amusement.

I also think the Ember Island Players were always that terrible.

Anyway, Zuko can remember a lot more fine detail about his mother, purely by virtue of being older before she vanished. Katara was young when her mother died. She was what? Seven? How much can the average person remember from when they were seven? I think this is why Katara couldn't interact with the vision of her mother more completely and why there was no sound/dialogue between them. She doesn't exactly remember what her mother's voice sounded like.

It's also really clear to me that Katara and Sokka don't really talk about her together. Katara brings her mother up will all and sundry random dudes, but Sokka looks really taken aback whenever she brings up Kya around him. I can't even say it's because it's old grief, as Katara is still hurting. My best guess is that as Katara assumed a more motherly role in Sokka's life, they talked about Kya less. Tragically, I think th thing Katara remembers the most clearly about her mother is how her mother died, because it was traumatically burned on her memory.  Poor girl.

So the shared dream – give me this tacky trope lovely readers. I know, I know. It is tacky. But ATLA had gifted me a magic “everything is connected” tree and I am going to use it. That's why I had Zuko explicitly mention that he was sleeping under an banyan tree last chapter – because the trees are connected and...the trees know they miss each other and give them a dream hook-up, and...spiritual mumbo-jumbo, etc. Just give me this tacky, romantic trope.

So Zuko has given up/lost nearly everything. He's had to completely give up his identity, and his quest and everything he defined himself by. It just makes sense that his bending would be affected. So I have brought his season three storyline forward.  Iroh's wisdom from under lake Lagoai is also brought forward. So Zuko will be on a quest to find what really matters. You go, you soft little bean. I’m sure it will be fun for you.

The thieving vigilante bit:  I think this was an important milestone for Zuko, and while he didn't steal Song's ostrich horse in the last chapter, I still think he needs to get his vigilante on and explore some of his lower impulses. He's low-key ashamed of it (because his mama raised him better than to be a common thief, and that is why he is always lying to Iroh), but he is learning a lot about himself through it.

  So swamps typically symbolise low points in character's  journeys and places where a hard truth is learned, or properly understood. Poor Zuko is getting pretty close to rock bottom at this point. I think it would make sense that he would resist his Uncle's hopeful musings – because he has no hope and he thinks there is no point in being optimistic. There really isn’t much more left for him to lose. Soon we will see Zuko beginning to build himself back up, from scratch, away from his abusive environment and discovering things that really matter to him. He'll regain his sense of identity and purpose away from the terrible influence of his father and sister.

Honest Confession time: I think Yang Chen and Kyoshi were the bomb, and also infinitely better at being the Avatar than Roku and Kuruk.  Both those women were so competent.

Look at her! Look at what she did!

If Aang can commune with his past lives, Kyoshi and Yang Chen would serve him much better as mentors. Because, hands down, Roku could have made life, the universe and everything one thousand times easier for Aang if he had just had the gonads to do his duty. Aang is very different from Kyoshi, but goodness does she have wisdom for him.

I think Kyoshi and Yang Chen had the best wisdom for Aang. I didn't like how he dismissed her in Sozin's comet. I thought it was a bit disrespectful to be honest.  I don’t think Aang means to, but it has cornered himself into favouring letting a tyrant live and thousands of others die, because he doesn’t want to do his duty for personal reasons (just like Roku). 

If Aany only draws wisdom from one source (Roku) it becomes rigid and stale. Aang needs to learn from his other past lives. I wanted Aang and Kyoshi to have a conversation, and get to hash out their differences and come to understand each other better. I wanted Aang to see the human side of Kyoshi, and her to thaw a little towards Aang and give him a break and encourage him.

When Aang confesses he didn't want to be the Avatar, I think Kyoshi would have known exactly how that feels. It's a pretty mixed blessing being the avatar. Anyway, I've always wanted to write a more philosophical conversation between those two, and so I am indulging myself a bit here, but I hope you enjoyed it.

Next Chapter: TOPH!!! (she needs the caps).

[firelxrdsdaughter]

A Foolish Undertaking Chp 8

Read it on A03!

We’re getting close to the end I think. It’s exciting!! This is the chapter in which Iroh has trouble reconciling with how Ozai has treated his kids 8D

Something inside of Iroh snaps. It rears its ugly head, making him nauseous and rage filled all at once.

VIII

Iroh

Azula is feverish. Iroh wrings out the cloth he has been using to blot at her forehead into the container of cool water that he’d sent Zuko to get the moment that they’d gotten far enough away to stop and make camp in the wood. He places it back on her forehead, and watches her wince at the sudden cold of it.

The slice of iris that he can see past her eyelashes is bright as it settles on him, watching. She’s waiting for something. Perhaps for the other shoe to drop. Azula has learned to be cautious of him and Zuko in the last eight hours of her life, and though Iroh doesn’t think he would have handled the situation quite like this…Zuko had done what worked best at the moment, he assures himself. It makes him feel no better about the state of things.

“How are you feeling,” he asks his niece. Her eyes slide closed momentarily, and he thinks perhaps the pain has finally caused her to lose consciousness, but her eyes open again not long after, wider and more alert than they have seemed since the three of them made camp.

“How do you think,” she answers after a moment. Her pale face is far whiter than usual, skin waxy, covered in a thin sheen of sweat. Iroh feels the tight knot in his belly grow harder. His niece is not prone to admitting her weaknesses, or allowing others to see them, this much he knows. She’s cautious at best with her true feelings.

“Your wounds are not good,” he admits to her quietly, glancing down at his cursory splints where they keep her leg immobile to prevent further damage ���They are far beyond my abilities to treat effectively. If we do not bring you to a healer then you will likely never be able to walk the same again. It could permanently affect you.”

Perhaps it is cruel to worry her, but Iroh wants Azula to understand the full gravity of the situation. It will make the next leg of their journey together easier on all parties, in Iroh’s opinion.

Azula’s eyes close again, but this time it’s obvious that it is merely because of the pain, and perhaps mental anguish, of her wounds. Iroh tries not to think about the pang in his chest. The sapling that’s grown out of the sympathy that he learned for his niece the moment he heard her say that her mother had called her a monster. It is foolish and sentimental, and he can afford to be neither where is niece is concerned.

Still, Iroh had not been a good man in his younger years, but none of his family members had ever called him a monster.

Perhaps this is exactly what Azula wants, however; this feeling of sympathy. The need to prove to her that he’s not all bad. He hates that it is a gamble with the child. He wants to treat her as a young girl, and not an adult threat, and yet he has little choice in the matter.

“You’re being very brave,” Iroh tries, watching her. Her eyes slide open again, steeled.

“I am a soldier,” she says flatly, “I have endured worse.”

A soldier. The word curls at the base of Iroh’s tongue. He thinks of his beautiful Lu Ten, and the words coming from his lips too. Too young. Too inexperienced in battle. He should not have sent him to command at the front. He had been too willing to let his son play soldier.

Something inside of Iroh snaps. It rears its ugly head, making him nauseous and rage filled all at once.

“No,” he spits the word out, setting aside the bandages he has picked up to re-wind, the turf smacking under his wide palm, “you are not a soldier, princess Azula you are a child.”

The girl seems genuinely surprised, looking at him askance, leaning back into the bedroll that he’s set her upon to do his work. The words spill out of Iroh unbidden but he lets them come as they will.

“Your father has stolen your innocence from you and turned you into a woman before your time! When will you see that an injustice has been done to you and that you do not deserve to have been treated this way? That you are not a weapon, but a person who has yet to figure out who they are? Your brother already struggles with this but at least he had a fighting chance, with your father’s disdain. You have never had a chance in your life simply to be you. And you would go back there? To him? To the life you have been forced to lead so far?”

She searches his face still, swallowing hard. He watches the bob of her throat up and down with the motion.

“Is it so wrong to have a purpose?” She’s still defiant, her chin raised in pride for what has been done with her. Iroh’s grief threatens to overcome him. She is just a child. Agni she is just a child.

“There is nothing wrong with having a purpose, but that purpose should be decided upon by you,” he says. “You should have the right to choose what you wish for your purpose to be, instead of being told what it is by someone who does not have your best interests at heart!”

“You know nothing of my father’s intentions!” Her voice echoes around the clearing. This burst of emotion from Azula is new and unexpected, but it’s what Iroh has been searching for the entire time that he has had her under his care. He might have celebrated under different circumstances.

“Don’t I?” He gives her a pointed look, eyebrows raised as the level of her voice raises to match his previous one, denial thick in her tone. “I watched him grow up. When Fire Lord Azulon could not be there to raise him, I was the one to do it. I know your father very well, young lady.”

Iroh takes in a deep breath, levelling out his emotions, loosening his shoulders.

“You have two options before you, Princess Azula.”

She presses her lips together into a pale, thin, line, and fixes him with a look. Iroh forges forward.

“Either you can decide that you will not cause us more grief, that you will cooperate and not attempt to reinvent what happened in the village today, and I can find you a proper healer who will set the bones well, ensuring that you will have very few complications.” He sets the options out before her like a map, “Or, you can continue to be difficult and cause us problems, and I will leave the bones set as they are, and you can spend the rest of your life handicapped by this injury and likely unable to ever come back as you were. Useless to your father’s cause.”

This last has her face paling yet further, and Iroh nearly feels sorry for saying it, but he cannot afford this emotion, he knows. He has to push it away, and pretend that the idea that she might legitimately choose the second option does not cause him anguish.

“Well?” He sits stone faced, waiting for her answer.

Azula looks away from him, brow furrowed, her lips pursed in that familiar expression of displeasure that she has displayed so often since they kidnapped her. Then she takes a breath, lips parting.

“I will behave myself, uncle,” she promises, voice flat again.

“Good. Then I will take you with me into the next town over and we will find a healer.”

“And until then?”

“Until then, I can only hope that your discomfort will not be overtly intolerable.”

“That’s your drastic measure, is it?”

“I think you should count yourself lucky that it was your brother who took the drastic measures and not me.”

“Says the man who has just informed me that I may never be able to regain normal use of my leg again.”

“I only wish to arm you with the truth, so that you may make an informed decision on the matter,” he tells her truthfully enough. “I will not deny that Zuko’s solution was a little on the extreme side, but you were warned.”

Azula scoffs, disdainful, but does not argue back again. Iroh soaks the cloth in the water once more, wringing it out methodically, and placing it back on the princess’ forehead with a huff and then silence. His amber gaze turns pensively out toward the dark trees surrounding them beyond the scope of the campfire, searching the shadows for any signs of danger.

There are none. He is surprised that they were able to shake the soldiers that Azula had alerted, but he is grateful. He knows well enough that they have only hindered themselves more by wounding her. She cannot move quickly now, and it will mean that only one of them can fight at a time without a handicap.

It feels like the bars of a cage closing around him. Iroh shakes the sensation off.

There is a crunch of undergrowth, the slither of a footfall, and then Zuko reappears from the woods, looking between his uncle and his sister silently, grim. Iroh lets out a breath, and settles himself, smiling briefly at his nephew.

“Any sign of someone following?”

“No. I think we’ve finally lost them. For now.”

Iroh nods, feeling a sense of ease return to him despite his previous rage at the young girl lying at his knees. So he had been right.

“We must discuss where we will go from here, Zuko,” he informs his nephew then. The young man nods in return, settling himself at the far edge of the camp, away from Azula and her sickbed.

Iroh glances down at her. “Don’t go anywhere.” He can’t help but smirk at his own joke. She rolls her eyes at him, but says nothing.

The old man stands, crossing the clearing to sit next to his nephew, a package of dried meat in hand to share with Zuko. The former prince of the Fire Nation murmurs his thanks and takes a bite of the jerky, staring over Iroh’s shoulder at his sister’s still form on the sleeping roll. Cautious.

Even injured, Azula can pose a threat.

“She seems to have seen sense,” Iroh tells him in low tones, “and to understand the gravity of her situation. We will head toward the nearest town starting in the morning. We need to find her a healer, and I must make contact with some old friends in order to make our way easier…”

“Old friends?”

“Yes. I have traveled the world before now, and I have made many friends and acquaintances in my lifetime. They will no doubt be happy to help us out. Especially now that we are truly fugitives from the Fire Nation and not simply…banished Royalty.”

Zuko closes his eyes, breathing out sharply through his nose. Iroh reaches across the short distance between them, squeezing his nephew’s shoulder. The boy cracks an eye open, staring at Iroh in a way that he has not seen before. The old man’s brow screws up in bemusement, wondering at the troubled look on Zuko’s pinched features.

“What is the matter, Zuko?”

For a long pause, the former prince does not answer, but then his lips part, and he takes a breath. “Nothing. It’s…nothing.” He looks away briefly.

“What exactly is your plan, Uncle?”

“To find us somewhere safe to live.”

“Okay but what does that entail? I mean where exactly do you imagine is safe for us now? We can’t really just waltz into any towns without the need for extreme caution. Even if the next town isn’t a Fire Nation colony, that doesn’t mean our wanted posters won’t be out and ready for any bounty hunters that want to bring home a big prize.”

“This is true,” Iroh agrees, “but it is unfortunately something we will have to face regardless. We either face death in the Earth Kingdom if discovered, or we face death in the Fire Nation if we are captured. There are precious few options left to us other than to disappear, at least for a while.”

“But I don’t — !” Zuko presses his mouth into a thin line, much like his sister has a tendency to do. Much like their father in his youth. “I don’t want to disappear into obscurity. I want my throne. I want to be forgiven for — “

“For what, prince Zuko? You never did anything wrong to begin with.”

“Yes I did! I spoke out of turn. Dad banished me to teach me a lesson, not to get rid of me permanently.”

Iroh feels himself sink a little. Zuko is still so naive about this. So blind to the truth. It feels wrong to dash his hopes, but Iroh cannot so easily allow him to continue living in an illusion as he had done before. There had been hope before. There is no turning back from what they have done now.

“I know that that is what you wish to believe, Zuko…But the truth of it is that your father sent Azula to come and arrest us. His intentions were to lock you away in the Fire Nation, not to bring you back into the fold.” He reaches out, pressing his hand to his nephew’s wrist. He squeezes.

“Your father…is not a good example of what a father should be. I know that it is hard for you to accept because you want nothing more than to please him. To be accepted for who you are…But your father is not going to do that. He has demonstrated as much. There are still those in this world who care for you, though, and you are not alone.”

“People like you?” There’s sharp anger behind the question, though it borders on dull and hopeless. Iroh’s brow furrows.

“Yes. People like me.”

Zuko is silent, staring off into the wood, his hands still as they hang over his knees. Iroh cannot quite read whatever slips over his beleaguered features, the conflict within him rising and falling like waves on a remote shore.

“Zuko…”

“I’m tired,” he says glumly. “I’m going to sleep. We should start early if we’re gonna make it to the next town over in good time. Wouldn’t want Azula to be permanently damaged now, would we?”

Zuko’s hand slips out from under Iroh’s grasp, and the old man retracts his touch, letting his hands settle in his lap as he watches Zuko unfurl from where he’d been seated to trudge over to his sleeping roll. The boy hits the ground with a solid thud, grabbing the fabric to pull tightly over his shoulders, a defiant ball staring off into the woods beyond their camp.

Iroh bites back a heavy sigh, taking a piece of jerky for himself, and then returns to his vigil at Azula’s side. When he sees her face he finds that she appears to have fallen into a fitful slumber. He will not bother her for now. She will need this rest and more if she is to heal.

Iroh settles his back against the tree, closing his own eyes.

He surrenders to the peaceful dark of meditation.

[the-jade-cross]

A Burning Soul - Chapter 10

“Shira,” Zuko called as he walked down the stairs from the apartment down to the tea shop. “Uncle and I are going to visit the Earth King. Uncle was invited to serve tea and asked me to come. Would you like to come along?” Shira glanced around the small shop that still had some customers, “I’ll skip. I’ll finish up here. You two go and have fun.” Zuko smiled before stepping over and planting a quick kiss on her lips, “See you later.” Shira chuckled and playfully pushed him off to join Iroh. Needless to say, she was not expecting things to go totally wrong.

“SHIRA!” Iroh cried, rushing into the shop alone.

Shira almost dropped the tray of cups that she was carrying to the kitchen, the shop entirely empty now. “Iroh? What’s wrong? What happened... wait…. Where is Zuko?” The old man was panting, leaning against the frame of the doorway. Shira quickly set the tray down and rushed over to him, helping him catch his wobbly footing.

“It was a trap,” Iroh replied. “Azula is here. Zuko was captured.” “What do we do?” Shira asked, her face suddenly going serious and her eyebrows going down.

 “Azula is going for the Avatar,” Iroh replied. “We have to find him.” Shira nodded before rushing back into the shop and grabbing up her jacket and sword, throwing both onto her back as she rushed out the door. Iroh closed the door behind her, locked it and then pocketed the key before pulling his cloak hood over his head.

“Azula has taken over the Dy Lee,” Iroh explained. “We need to get to the Avatar and save Zuko before Azula takes over the kingdom.” When Iroh finally stopped in front of a house, Shira noticed with silent amusement that a part of the house looked like it had been blown up by an earth bender. Iroh walked over and knocked on the door. There was a long silence until it was opened by none other than the young blind earth bender they had met a few weeks ago: Toph.

There were two other kids there, two boys. One had darker toned skin and dark brown hair, the other was bald with an arrow tattoo on his head…. The Avatar.

“You know each other?” the avatar demanded of Toph, pointing toward Iroh.

“We met a few weeks ago,” Toph explained, opening the door more for Iroh and Shira to step in. “They gave me tea and some very good advice…. But something is different.” Almost immediately, Shira noticed the other two kids tense and prepare to pounce but Toph looked in her direction, her eyes wide and a smile on her face. “You got your memories back!” Shira smiled, “How did you guess?”

“Your heart is lighter. I can tell by the way you breathe… and also it feels like you’re more confident. You cut your hair too! You’re lighter than before.” Shira chuckled lightly. “That definitely doesn’t make me self-conscious Toph.” The little girl smiled. “Oh, you were light before, but I could tell you are less weighed down. Your hair was thick and heavy!” “Who exactly are you?” the boy inquired. “and what does Toph mean by getting your memories back?”

Shira smiled politely at the boy, “I’m Shirayuki but everyone calls me Shira. As for my memories, I was brainwashed by the fire nation.” “Then why are you with him?” the avatar asked, pointing at Iroh.

“He’s a friend,” Shira replied. “When I was a slave in the fire nation, he was one of the few people who I could trust.” Toph turned and considered Iroh before speaking, “Something is wrong. I can tell. What happened?”

“My nephew was captured by Azula,” Iroh replied. “She is in the city… and she is about to take over the kingdom.” The two boys behind Toph suddenly went serious.

“Katara is missing too,” the avatar remarked, talking about obviously one of their group. “We’ll help you.” The other boy looked at the avatar in shock, “Aang, what is your problem? How do you know we can trust them?”

“Toph trusts them,” Aang replied. “And we need to save Katara.”  

************

“I didn’t realize that your mother and father weren’t… you know… at least close…” Katara stuttered, slightly uncomfortable and unsure talking to the banished crown prince of the fire nation in a prison.

“It’s not something I like to remember,” Zuko replied. “I was just a kid, and no one ever told me what happened to her… even my father. Though, I did have my uncle and Shira. If it weren’t for them, I probably would have succumbed to despair.” “Shira?” Katara inquired. “Wait…. Is that the girl who was with you when you attacked us at the convent, but she just watched?”

Zuko chuckled, “Yeah, that’s her. You know, she is probably more on your side than anyone’s. She never was on anyone’s side really…. Just the right side who had the right views at heart…” “Yet she is your friend,” Katara pointed out.

“Even friends can give you painful love. Shira knew when I did something if it was right or wrong and if it was right, she supported me…. But if it was wrong then she didn’t and she made it clear.” Katara nodded in understanding, quite intrigued but the girl she never met.

“You know, she tried to convince me out of capturing the avatar,” Zuko remarked. “She just makes everything sound so simple….” “Maybe… that is because it is simple,” Katara observed. “That is why the way she says it sounds simple because she sees how people make things complicated when they’re not.” Zuko looked over at the girl and smiled partially, surprising Katara, “You two would like each other. Shira never had friends growing up other than myself and my sister’s friends who were the only girls her age who were civil with her.”

The words were barely out of his mouth when suddenly the wall to their left exploded into a thousand pieces to reveal three figures: Aang, Iroh and Shira!

Katara immediately rushed over to embrace Aang while Iroh hurried over to Zuko.

“Uncle, what are you doing with the avatar?” “Saving you, that’s what,” Aang replied darkly, obviously not liking that Katara had been alone with Zuko.

“We’ll explain everything Zuko,” Shira replied in a calm tone. “First, we need to get out of here before Azula notices anything is up….” Iroh nodded before Shira turned to Katara and Aang, “You should get out of here. We’ll follow.” Aang nodded in agreement before he and Katara began to head back through the tunnel they had come through.

Shira watched them go, giving Iroh some space to talk to Zuko.

“If you’re going to try to talk me into letting the avatar go, you’re wasting your breath,” Zuko remarked defiantly.

“Zuko,” Iroh said in a calm tone. “I was giving you space the past few days because I hoped you would figure this out on your own. This is where you need to make a choice. Choose the good….” “LOOK OUT!” Shira yelled, hearing the sound of approaching footsteps but it was too late.

The opposite wall blew up to reveal Azula and the Dy Lee! Azula immediately drew out her sword while Iroh and Zuko got ready to fire bend.

“Well look who it is,” Azula taunted, beginning to circle around Shira who kept her guard up. “I was wondering when you would finally decide to drop from the sky.”

“I had enough reason to,” Shira hissed.

Azula smirked. “I thought you would stay a few more years in hiding especially after what we did to your brother.”

Shira froze, “What did you say?” “You don’t remember?” Azula inquired. “Well then maybe you’ll remember this.” The girl spun on her heel and created a round of lightning but instead of firing it at Shira, she gathered it up into a ball before swinging it over her head. Just as she was about to release the ball in Shira’s direction…. It all came back.

Her arms were pinned behind her by two pairs of strong hands who probably left prints on her skin from their grip. Her vision was hazy and red, and she could feel something hot dripping down the side of her face onto the stone ground…. Blood.

A few feet in front of her, Shira could see two figures: a teenage girl with dark black hair and even burning eyes…. And the other…. a tall slender figure with rich black hair that was brushed back out of his eyes and fell almost to his shoulders… a single streak of blond hair running down the left side of his head… a pair of striking blue eyes. The boy looked like he was about fifteen years old if that, tall for his age standing the same height as the girl.

“So, you thought you could turn the tables and rescue your pathetic little sister?” the girl hissed.

Shira felt her heart drop into her shoes. That voice…. It was Azula!

The boy just smirked, “That’s what brothers do.”

Azula began to work up a bundle of lightning before she lifted the ball of energy above her head and hurled it at the tall boy. Shira felt herself fighting against the hands holding her down and a single word ripped from her throat….

“KANAME!”

“SHIRA!” the sound of Zuko’s voice split through Shira’s memories… but it was too late.

Shira felt something hot and jolting rush through her veins and she felt her sword clatter to the floor as her body went limp, crumbling to the floor. She felt two arms encase her from behind, stopping her fall but her vision was too blurred to see who it was.

“Shira! Wake up!” “Zuko,” she heard the voice of Iroh say softly. “She’ll be fine but we need to get out of here.” “No,” Zuko’s voice sounded close…. He was the one who had caught her. “If you and the avatar hadn’t brought her here she wouldn’t be in this condition! I’m gonna kill him!” “ZUKO!” Iroh called but it was fruitless. Shira felt Zuko lay her down before his footsteps faded… fast.

Shira opened her mouth to call out to Zuko but nothing came out…. Nothing…. She felt nothing….

“WHO ARE YOU!?” she heard Iroh yell close to her in a threatening voice.

“Back off,” a soft voice said…. Low…. Masculine… but rough and gentle at the same time. “She’s mine.” Shira felt a strange warmth spread around her…. like someone was incasing her in a jar of warmth. She felt someone step close to her side… till she felt something wet and cold brush against her cheek. She didn’t have to be able to see to recognize that feeling…. It was the nose of an animal…. A mammal of some kind…

“Shira,” the voice whispered low and close to her ear. “You must be strong. Just as everyone has been strong for you.” Shira felt a deep breath blow across her face…. Cool but warm at the same time. The feeling in her arms and legs returned and her heart began to beat normally now…and her eyes…. Slowly she cracked her eyes weakly to find herself face to face with a huge black wolf…. Silver eyes staring back at her calmly.

“Welcome back…. Dear sister.” Shira tried to sit up but the strength in her body was only enough to move slightly and to open her eyes. The wolf looked at something over his shoulder and then at something behind Shira…. Iroh. The wolf then looked back at her before closing its eyes. Shira almost gasped when the hair upon the wolf’s body changed…. To skin clad in black…the snout turning into a straight nose and firm jawline…. And when he opened his eyes again… they were the same. Jet black hair framed his face and his sharp features, bringing out the crystal-like color of his eyes.

“You…” Shira whispered, not realizing that she had spoken. The boy smiled at her before reaching over and stroking her cheek, “Stay strong Yuyu. I promised Kaname that I would look out for you. I will be with you.” As quickly as the boy/wolf appeared, he disappeared. His disappearance was followed by the sound of footsteps behind Shira and before she knew it, someone had lifted her limp body up not too gently, gluing her hands together with earthen made handcuffs.

Shira was too weak to resist and too weak to bother fighting the Dy Lee soldier as he carried her through the tunnel to where Azula stood. The avatar was nowhere to be seen, nor Katara…. But there was fire, water and burnt areas all over the cave… indicating that Shira had missed a battle. She could barely keep her eyes open, but she managed to see Azula standing before a group of Dy Lee soldiers and Iroh…. Not far off…. Willingly trapped in a cage of crystals.

Shira’s eyes immediately locked on Zuko who stood next to his sister willingly…. Not tied down…. By her side…. Refusing to look at where the Dy Lee were holding his uncle.

“A very productive day Dy Lee,” Azula chirped. “Captured my uncle and an old enemy in one day!” “What should we do with the girl princess?” the man holding Shira asked. “She’s pretty bad. Don’t know if she’ll last a night in a prison cell.” Azula snorted. “Who Shira? Naturally she will survive the prison. If she managed to survive that death prison, I sent her to then she’ll survive a Fire Nation prison. Take them away.”

The moment Azula mentioned Shira’s name, Zuko’s head had snapped up and his eyes had locked on the limp girl in the Dy Lee’s arms… her body limp but her eyes just cracked open, staring at him with a deadpan expression. Something in Zuko wanted to snap and tell the Dy Lee to take his hands off her… but the look on Shira’s face…. He knew that his place was to not interrupt. He had never seen that look on Shira’s face before…. The look of dejection…. Disappointment and worst of all…. Pain.

“Take them away!” Azula yelled and Shira’s vision of Zuko was blocked by the form of the Dy Lee who carried her off.

A single word passed through Shira’s mind as she was swallowed into darkness… succumbing to the numbing ache of her injuries….Why?

[lykegenia]

The Things We Hide Ch. 24

Chapter 1 on AO3 This chapter on AO3 Masterpost here

The arrival of the Kyoshi Warriors at the Northern Air Temple caused a stir long before they crested the path mounted on a flock of dusty, footsore ostrich-horses. Fresh from victory in the southern Earth Kingdom, they brought a sense of hope with them that the rebellion was finally gaining ground against Ozai, but it mingled with the same weariness that was starting to infect the rest of the troops, because only three of them made up the party - the rest were still mired in the countryside, fighting, and could not be spared. That even three came told the guards watching them ride into the courtyard that something was going on, some new plan that might see the end of the war. Just as well. There were rumours that the Water Tribe was readying itself to pull its forces, to better consolidate their defences and prepare for the Fire Nation’s inevitable spring offensive. 

 Sokka waited in front of the main doors to greet the three warriors as they arrived, arrayed in the ceremonial armour that marked his rank as the General of the Third Fleet, and betraying the air of solemnity he was trying for by bouncing impatiently on the balls of his feet. 

“Suki!” he cried when the Kyoshi leader dismounted and he could no longer contain himself. He rushed forward and gathered her into a hug. She returned it, squeezing so hard his lungs constricted, even under all the layers of padding. 

“Hello you,” she murmured into his shoulder. “It’s good to see you.” 

“Likewise.” He cleared his throat and pulled out of the embrace, squashing down all the feelings trying to spill from his mouth. ”Commander, on behalf of Grand Master Iroh, welcome to the Northern Air Temple. Once you’ve rested, he would like to see you as soon as possible.” 

Suki nodded. “Of course, General.” 

“This way.” 

He glanced at her sidelong as he led the way through the now-familiar corridors of the temple, with her two fellow warriors following at a polite distance. She limped, and favoured her left side, and beneath the perfect lines of her warpaint a slight pinch at the corner of her mouth betrayed her otherwise calm expression. He would have to ask Katara to check in on her later for some healing. 

“How are things?” he ventured when the silence stretched too far for his liking. 

“Terrible.” She grimaced. “The Fire Nation commander started using prisoners as battle fodder. She has their families working in factories under guard, with the threat that they’ll be killed if their loved ones don’t fight. The royal forces are almost as bad. The requisition gangs sent into the countryside are little more than bandits – they take everything from the peasants, and we spend half our time trying to stop them. If something isn’t done soon there won’t be anything left to fight over.” 

“I’m sure there’s a plan,” Sokka reassured. “The grand master knows none of us can hold out much longer.” 

“How are your people?” Suki asked. 

“They know how to survive on the ice, even without waterbenders, but many won’t make it, and when the spring comes they’ll have no defence against the Fire Navy. This is you,” he added, as they stopped outside an ornately painted archway. “You’ve got bedrooms and a living area, and you’re free to go anywhere in the compound. If you get lost there’s always someone to ask for directions.” 

Suki nodded to her warriors to send them ahead, but hung back, rubbing at a knot in her shoulder. “I should go straight to the grand master, get everything straightened out.” 

“No you don’t,” Sokka replied. He stretched his hand out for her arm. “We’ve waited this long for a plan, we can wait another hour for you to catch your breath.” 

For an instant, Suki looked like she would argue, but then her shoulders slumped and she huffed a sigh that ended in a tired chuckle. ”And when did you become so serious, General?” she asked. 

Startled by the sudden teasing lilt in her voice, Sokka rubbed his hand along the back of his neck. “Well, uh...” 

“And come to think of it, when is it the duty of a general to escort visitors to their rooms?” 

“Maybe I just wanted an excuse to talk to you,” he replied, smirking. “And I wanted to ask you... uh, do you want to do something later? I have something to talk to you about.” 

“Alright, mystery man,” came the reply. Stifling a giggle, she leaned up on tiptoe and pressed a brief kiss against his lips, then smiled wider at the impression of red paint left behind. “I’ll see you after the debrief. 

With a final wave, she retreated into the apartment, leaving Sokka standing in the corridor, face split in a broad, slightly dazed smile. He fumbled in a fold of his tunic and pulled out a small disc attached by tiny threads to a band of woven leather dyed black with maple acorns. The colour might not be traditional, but the images on the betrothal necklace, carved around the tooth of a vanquished unagi, illustrated stories as old as the ice – he had whittled what felt like half a forest trying to get them right – and when he presented it to Suki later he hoped she’d stick around long enough to let him tell her what they meant. He had duties to see to before then, things to distract him from over-worrying about the details of his plan, so he wound the leather cord around the tooth and tucked it away again, already turning his mind to the next problem of his day. 

Zuko stepped out into his path. 

“Gah!” 

The fire prince’s scowl, impressive as it already was, deepened. In the past few days, the healers taking care of his face had declared the wound healed enough to take off the bandage, and the exposed scar, wrinkled and puckered with livid pink flesh, gave him a foreboding, uneven appearance. He had been allowed free rein around the temple by the grand master – some complicated family relation Katara had only half managed to explain – but other than Aang and Haru, nobody had made any particular effort to be friendly. He hadn’t tried very hard to be friendly back, either. 

“Do you mind not sneaking up on people?” Sokka demanded now, as the prince’s arms folded across his chest. “Spirits, I know you’re Fire Nation, but there’s no way you’re being this creepy by accident.” 

Zuko’s lips thinned. “I didn’t know the Southern Water Tribe was polygamous.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“Maybe it’s just you, then,” the prince pressed. “How many women are you stringing along?” 

“Keep your voice down,” Sokka snapped, with an uneasy glance towards the Kyoshi warriors’ quarters. “And I’ll repeat – what are you talking about? I’m not stringing Suki along.” 

“I’m not talking about her.” 

“Now I’m completely lost.” 

“Katara,” the prince ground out. “She cares about you.” 

Still confused, Sokka shook his head. “Well of course she does,” he tried. “I mean, I know I used to put seaweed in her hair but I’m sure she’s forgiven me for...” 

The pieces clicked. He burst out laughing. 

“I wouldn’t say this was funny,” Zuko growled, drawing himself up. “It’s dishonourable to toy with her feelings –” 

“I’m not –” Sokka wheezed. “I’m definitely not – ew.” He held up a placating hand, doubling over to catch his breath. “Dude, katara is my sister.” 

“Sister?” the prince repeated weakly. 

“I don’t know what it’s like where you’re from, with all those fancy nobles, but in the Water Tribe sibling relationships are not like that.” 

Zuko seemed to be barely listening. His gaze, so sharp before, softened as he turned his mind to this new puzzle. “She’s your sister...” 

The change in tone was not lost on Sokka. “Why do you care, anyway?” he asked, stepping closer. “From what I’ve seen you two pretty much hate each other.” 

“I don’t care,” came the snapped reply. “And if she’s your sister it’s a moot point anyway.” 

But Sokka noticed the uncomfortable shift of the prince’s shoulders, and the way his arms folded across his chest. He narrowed his eyes. “You know,” he ventured, “She’s never told me what happened while you were holding her hostage.�� 

Zuko looked up sharply, as if to contradict the phrasing, but there was too much truth in it to be denied. 

“Sometimes she gets this look in her eye, like she misses it, but she never says anything.” 

“She was only there as a spy.” 

“Riiiiiight.” Sokka shrugged, and in a flash of compassion, pointed at the scar. “You know she can heal that, right? You should let her.” 

Zuko only glared at him as he turned and headed to find his lieutenant. 

“Master Katara, do you know who disfigured my nephew?” 

Iroh peered at the young waterbender over the rim of his teacup, his brown eyes sharp and clear despite the rheumy edge around his irises. It was not the first time the pair had spoken in confidence; they shared an appreciation of the arts, which was a rarity in such a remote part of the world, and though Katara might not admit it to anyone else, spending an hour or so with someone who did not hold the Fire Nation in complete contempt was an outlet she sorely needed. This, however, was the first time they had spoken since Zuko’s arrival.

“I can imagine who did it,” she growled. “But even I didn’t think he was capable of something that cruel.”

“Are you truly surprised?” Iroh asked. “After everything my brother has done, or has ordered done, what is one more victim?”

“But he’s his son!” She tucked a wisp of hair behind her ear and stared down into her cup. “I can understand him punishing Zuko for being the Blue Spirit, and spirits, even exiling him makes sense in a way, but that burn was deliberate, to the bone. I know he’s your brother but Ozai is a monster.”

Iroh hummed. “And this might be his final mistake.”

When Katara looked up, scowling at the idea that Zuko’s scar might be nothing more than a tactical advantage, he held up his hands to forestall the accusation. With a grunt, he rose from his seat and paced to the window, and looked out over the barren collection of pale spires and halls that had once housed an entire people. His joints creaked as he sighed.

“You must understand, the Fire Lord is a man who mistakes fear for respect. Where respect flourishes like a tree given care and allowed to grow, fear is like water boiling in a lidded pot that will eventually either spill over or be entirely consumed. People cannot live on fear, they get used to it, and so tyrants like my brother must escalate their actions again and again to maintain what they see as control.”

“But that only works so far,” she finished for him. “There’s a point where people won’t take anymore, and they’ll fight back.”

The old man nodded. “An equilibrium, where the consequences of not fighting are worse than the fear of punishment. By burning Zuko’s face, the Fire lord proved he is incapable of any mercy, and that will make them restless for a new voice.”

“You want Zuko to be that voice,” she guessed. “He won’t do it. He’s too hung up on regaining his honour – he thinks Ozai is right.”

“No, he doesn’t,” Iroh replied gently. “He has suffered greatly, and been thrown from everything he has ever known.”

Katara bit her lip, stifling the desire to argue; the old resentment was still there, the disgust drawn from the comparison between her own people, who had suffered so much, and the Fire Nation nobility laughing in a perfumed garden while they sent their soldiers to die for almost no reason at all. It no longer lanced so deeply, however. Her mind drifted back to those times Zuko had been kind, had shielded her from his sister, and had spared the war veteran punishment because she asked it of him. She had kissed him first during that thunderstorm because he had worried about her, and on that last terrible night he had unmasked himself because he refused to hide his true motives from her.

That part still left her confused, angry, wondering how differently the past few months might have gone if they had trusted just a little more and revealed themselves – would he have turned her over, or could they have found a way to work together and make things better for both their peoples? Not that it mattered now; Zuko hated her.

“If you’re hoping to turn him into some kind of rallying point to stand against his father, I don’t think he’ll be very cooperative,” she huffed. “You’ll have to come up with another plan.”

“No. You know as well as anyone, I think, that the best hope for lasting peace is to break the cycle of violence.” Shaking his head, he returned from the window. “If the Earth Kingdom or Water Tribe conquers the Fire Nation, then it will just be another invading army, another imbalance of power to be exploited. Even if I go, the world will see it as nothing more than a jealous struggle for the throne. Zuko, fighting alongside the avatar, is the only one who can overthrow Ozai without appearing self-interested.”

“Only if you can make him agree to do it.”

Iroh didn’t reply. He merely looked at her over the rim of his teacup, his gaze patient as an owl-fox, and her stomach sank into the floor as she realised just what he intended to do.

[firelxrdsdaughter]

A Foolish Undertaking Chp 3

You can read it on A03 !

Iroh’s perspective is actually really interesting to write from. I find him very compelling. Ahahaha!

anyway, without further ado...

He does not know what he thinks his niece deserves. Certainly in many ways her life has been made far easier by their father than Zuko’s has, and yet…He still feels a chill at the thought of her calm, steely, demeanour when they had faced down the crew and he had forced them all to abandon ship.

III

Iroh

The wind on deck is brisk, the waters chilly even this close to the Fire Nation at the earliest turn from winter to spring. Iroh shrugs his fur lined cloak a little higher on his shoulders, and breathes fire through his teeth as he crosses the deck toward the central structure of the ship.

His niece’s relative calm in the brig has left him contemplative, wondering not for the first time whether they leave her alone for too long and too often down there.

There’s little other choice, he knows. This ship will not run itself, and there are only the two of them to do it with. Azula with time to think is an Azula he does not like to contend with, however.

She’s dangerous enough already.

Still, having both of his brother’s heirs with him has put Iroh at an advantage, and he is sorely unused to having the upper hand these days. His waiting has paid off well, though he will readily admit that he has thought this particular part through very little. Kidnapping his niece had not been a part of the plan.

Making contact with those members of the White Lotus who hide in plain sight in the Earth Kingdom is the next best course of action. He and Zuko cannot tote Azula around indefinitely. Eventually she will find the right opportunity and escape, and that will put them right back where they started, and Iroh will lose his advantage…No…It will be best to deal with her sooner than later, and dealing with her means finding a place to stash her that no one knows about until this all blows over…

Or until he can find a true purpose for her in the long game.

Iroh enters the main structure of the ship, looking up at the flight of stairs leading toward the observation deck and his nephew at the helm. Sighing, he mounts them with an air of resignation, making the long journey upward.

Zuko turns when he enters the observation deck, but Iroh continues forward without a greeting. He doesn’t need to offer one.

“You saw Azula?” His nephew’s voice is not hopeful, more curious. But only vaguely.

The old man doesn’t nod, but instead moves to set down the platter of empty bowls which he’d brought to the girl below deck. Zuko already knows the answer to his own question. Finally Iroh responds:

“Yes.”

There’s another long silence, and Iroh does not bother to elaborate. Zuko will get to his question eventually. All one really needs to do is wait for the boy to lose his patience. And he does.

“And?”

“She is still nursing a wounded ego,” he answers him simply. Iroh turns toward his nephew, gaze catching on the expanse of the horizon before them through the windows before settling once again on the banished prince.

He probably isn’t even that anymore, close as they had both been to prison. Zuko is an unmoored boy on the cusp of his manhood, feeling utterly alone. Iroh’s heart aches.

“Yeah well,” Zuko turns back to the view himself, hand steady on the wheel, “she needed to be taken down a peg or two anyway. It’ll probably do her some good.”

Iroh sighs again, weary.

He does not know what he thinks his niece deserves. Certainly in many ways her life has been made far easier by their father than Zuko’s has, and yet…He still feels a chill at the thought of her calm, steely, demeanour when they had faced down the crew and he had forced them all to abandon ship. She was ready to die, and she is only a child. It reminds him of Lu Ten, but even his beloved son would have felt some trepidation at the prospect, he thinks, had he been in a similar situation.

Azula had met it with cool resolve. Hardly the reaction of a child.

Even Zuko had begged for his life at thirteen.

“What,” the boy asks sullenly. He can sense Iroh’s disappointment as keenly as if it had been his own.

“It is nothing…I merely wonder exactly how much of Azula’s cruel streak is of her own making, and how much of it is your father speaking through her like a puppet.”

“She has never been his puppet,” Zuko denies.

Iroh steps forward, coming to rest at his nephew’s side, heavy eyebrows raised. He purses his lips.

“If you believe that then you are truly as blind as she is, prince Zuko.”

The look that Zuko turns on him is offended. Iroh offers him a mild smile in return, patting his shoulder solidly. A soft snarl escapes the boy but no more as he returns his scowl to the sea stretched out before them.

One can hardly discern the water from the horizon today. Iroh squints out at the vague haze of it.

“If I could see half of the things that Azula can see, I wouldn’t be so…” Zuko’s frown only deepens, and Iroh feels the scratch of pity against the cavity of his chest once again. Neither of Ozai’s children want his pity, however. “I would never have walked us into this mess.”

Iroh hums in contemplation at this, disagreement quick to bubble up behind his teeth.

“I think you could already see that her intentions were not so noble,” he answers his nephew easily, “you just wanted to believe the best of the situation. That is not something that I can honestly blame you for, Zuko.”

“I nearly got the both of us killed.”

“But you did not. Not this time. It was a mistake, and mistakes are learning opportunities…So long as they are not bad enough mistakes that we die because of them.” He cannot help laughing at himself. Zuko’s shoulders stiffen. Iroh softens again.

“You will do better next time,” Iroh consoles him. Zuko’s shoulders fall again. Silence settles between the two of them, long and thick, as Zuko watches the ship’s course in the water.

“I’ll try uncle.”

The old man nods, wandering over to the low table that sits not far from Zuko’s position at the helm. He sits on the cushion beside it, grunting with the effort which cracks in his knees and makes the base of his spine ache in kneeling down to rest.

“We still haven’t spoken much of that day,” Iroh ventures after another lengthy silence. Zuko’s back remains to him, but it’s obvious enough what he’s feeling by the way that his spine stiffens at the words. “I thought perhaps that you would know by now that you are free to say whatever it is you might feel in my presence, and not be afraid that I will be angry with you over it.”

It’s Zuko’s turn to sigh.

“I know,” he says flatly.

Iroh waits. Zuko’s voice is brittle the next time he speaks.

“What did I ever do to him?”

“Zuko you did not do anything wrong. Your father…is a complicated man. He takes after our own father more than I have ever done, and he too was complicated. He might perceive that you have done something to offend him, but really it is up to him what is and is not offensive. Anyone can see that you are trying your best. Eventually, you are going to have to come to terms with the fact that only you can give yourself approval. Only you can make yourself feel worthy. It is not something that your father can make you feel.”

“…I have failed at absolutely everything I have ever tried to do, uncle.” Zuko’s voice has gone hoarse, and Iroh bows his head, mournful for him. “I don’t know where I’m supposed to go from here. I don’t know what to do, and I don’t know who I am anymore…And to top it all off, now I’m an accessory to abducting my sister.”

Iroh cannot help the wheezing chuckle that escapes his lungs at that.

“Yes…I am sorry for that. I confess that I did not really think my actions through before I was performing them, in this instance.”

Another pause.

“Aren’t you the one who’s always telling me to think before I act?” Some of the warmth has come back to Zuko’s voice, and Iroh can only smile at this fact.

“Yes, I suppose that I am. Sometimes I must remember to follow my own advice.”

“At least it isn’t just me,” Zuko answers. “…Has Azula actually been talking to you?”

“Yes…and no. For the most part she simply says the same things over and over; makes the same threats, and the same promises. She did surprise me today, though.”

“How so?”

“She thanked me.” Iroh thinks back to the words. She’d said them in a way that he believes to be genuine, and that is the biggest shock of all. Perhaps being alone down there, and in a compromising position for so long, has made her have second thoughts. Perhaps she is finally softening from weariness.

Iroh still isn’t certain.

“For what?”

“For acknowledging her gifts, I think.”

“What gifts?” He sounds defensive. Iroh puts up his hands placatingly.

“Now, now. There is no need for jealousy. I was only making an observation. She is the one who turned it into praise.”

“She would.”

“Zuko…” Iroh feels a brief, momentary, pang of despair, and then moves passed it. “You know, you and your sister may not be as different as you believe that you are.”

“That’s hilarious,” Zuko answers venomously, and Iroh knows that he’s said the wrong thing. The younger man paces away from the wheel, agitated now. Iroh bites back what feels like his thousandth sigh for the day.

“I know that you like to think that you and Azula are different, Zuko, but in the end, are you not both only seeking your father’s approval? She would be just as lost as you without it. She knows this. She knows that there is very little separating her from the life which you have led and that scares her. That is why she treats you the way that she does. It is fear, Zuko.”

“Azula’s not afraid of anything!”

This time the sigh escapes.

“Outwardly, it would certainly seem that way.”

“Urrghh! You’re crazy,” he accuses loudly.

Iroh closes his teeth. He will not get through to his nephew on this point. Not now. Not so soon after his sister’s slights, and his father’s newest rejection. As ever, it will be an achingly slow process. One which may not come to a close any time soon, if Iroh is to rid them of Azula for their own sakes.

“Peace, Prince Zuko,” he finally says, steadily, “we will not talk of this any more. Obviously it has upset you.”

Zuko lets out another low growl in frustration, gesturing sharply. Fire streams from his fingertips in his rage, but no more, and Zuko goes back to navigating their stolen ship, muttering to himself all the while.

Iroh closes his eyes, resting his hands atop the ample swell of his belly. This requires more time than he can give it, he knows. He feels his heart fill up with regret.