#zenno problemz

[mourningmoth]

spent $230 over the last few days to get a license for a job im not even guaranteed to get ✌️yolo and whatever

[mourningmoth]

i see my new psych in a month, but after that point, i should be getting into therapy soonish specifically for my dissociation :3

i feel like itll be more productive than previous therapy attempts since i have something specific in mind to treat rather than an amalgamation of many disjointed symptoms i couldnt make sense of, like previously

but now im going into it with specific diagnoses that we can target

[mourningmoth]

the amount of forgetting im doing is actually rly concerning and it sucks that my job involves Remembering™️ a bunch of things. but thankfully i wont be doing this job much longer and ill also be able to feel better about taking time off for doctor stuff when i go back to my old position

[mourningmoth]

hate dissociating at work like come ON lmao i have shit 2 actually do brooooo

[mourningmoth]

i like coming up with new ways to describe dissociation, bc its normally so hard to find the words to get across how it feels, and i like having thoughts locked and loaded in case i need it

anyway i got a new one

it often feels like theres a weird sense of distance between my mind IN my head and my sense of actual perception of the reality around me

[mourningmoth]

its still so baffling and exciting to me how much better im doing in certain ways since ive been Allowed to acknowledge my system

like having a better handle on some impulsive behaviours now knowing part of it comes from a headmate, etc

[mourningmoth]

i am being. re-medicated

[mourningmoth]

i feel like theres an alter thats much more attached to being raised in christianity than i am personally

[mourningmoth]

tbh im actually rly happy with where i am in life rn, which feels rly good bc ive never actually been content and satisfied with how things are before

there always used to be some trouble dragging me down and making life miserable

but im so grateful now to have people in my life who have not been consistently abusive or otherwise harmful to me

the only weird thing is that sometimes im legitimately shocked or taken aback by how patient or understanding my friends actually are when thats something i didnt consistently have previously. its sad that im so accustomed to that kind of treatment that basic decency makes my brain freak out and question if its real

[mourningmoth]

tl;dr i have learned for the 10000000th time that adhd is,

in fact,

debilitating :^)

[mourningmoth]

it is literally so frustrating how difficult it is to get adhd med refills consistently I swear

i stopped mine months ago because i felt like it was easier to just go without instead of dealing with the fucking red tape of getting it refilled and picked up (like idk about anyone else, but EVERY time i go to pick up my refills, the pharmacy will turn me away for "more authorization" at least 2 or 3 times before i get it)

and i hate not having it bc i basically dont do anything. i have so many creative projects that i just Dont Do without my meds

and i got more meds today specifically, and now im noticing how Normal and Functional i feel. i can actually sit down and DRAW when i have meds, which is something i dont do for months and months at a time without meds

anyway. just mad about american healthcare lol

[mourningmoth]

lads, we are fucking manifesting this job

spent $230 over the last few days to get a license for a job im not even guaranteed to get ✌️yolo and whatever