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pompousbiscuit · 4 years ago

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Random modern au Zeke Yeager headcanons:

(he's also in a committed and long term relationship w/ u <3)

(based on my own thoughts and dreams about my fave monke man)

This motherfucker has you and him living in BROOKLYN, DON'T FUCKIN LIE TO YOURSELF!!!

Bushwick man right here, face of gentrification itself, just more rude than the average person living the same exact life...

Zeke is a fucking vegetarian, for the environment, don't even get me started...

Sure doesn't seem like it, but he keeps up with climate change for sure

You'll find him going off about how we wouldn't be, "drowning in actual hellfire if Gore wasn't jipped of the election by that over grown fratboy", when he's drunk

Was involved in getting a proper recycling, and composting, situation going on when he was in University

REUSABLE. YETI. STEEL. TUMBLER. (he will actually roast you, or anyone (mostly Eren), SO HARD if you bring a disposable cup anywhere near him)

He "coincidentally" "finds" "completely random" sustainable shops after taking you out on a "completely spontaneous" date in a new location

Which has you forcing him to make you dinner after you get back, and doing the dishes for the rest of the week....

But you still give him a s m o o c h ~<3 because even though it was all a ploy, so he could get his fingies on some shit-ass-100%-organic-cotton -eucalyptus-whatever-compostable bedsheets, it was still a very sweet date at a cute desert bar/cool sandwich place

Post dinner, where he cooked up some absolutely 🔥F I R E🔥 stir fry, you're chilling in the living room area with some simple mixed drink (just a "splash" or shot of alcohol)

Ofc you already know I'm saying he was a bartender as a side hustle, worked at a liquor store in college then moved his way up!

No longer bartends, so now he just criticizes other bartenders and makes you drinks to show that he's still got it....

Just hanging out and reading together like an old married couple... Except he thinks marriage is a scam so, sorry bud, you ain't ever getting a ring on your finger.

Maybe if you threaten, like legitimately threaten, to leave him he'd give in...

But Zeke doesn't see any other option besides being with you, (he wouldn't say that to your face, so don't even) and he kinda thinks it's more intimate and romantic to not feel the need for that type of label.

You start at different locations, him on the couch and you in a chair, but you eventually end up with your legs splayed across his lap, both silently reading with a basic-as-fuck classical music playlist on.

He doesn't actually like classical music, but he does believe that one thing he heard about it making you more focused, so you let him put it on for reading...

When winding down for the night, Zeke has the spare room to himself. You both tried to make it into an office type space, but besides the computer and desk, it's more like Zeke's storage for all his vinyls, cassettes, and cds...

So guess what he's doing? Go on, guess! Heathen just bought a new King Gizzard album, and ofc he's listening to it on his special little record player with his special little headphones uWu ~* (high fidelity looking ass)

While you do your own thing in the bedroom, I don't choose for you! Except when I do... :)))

Bed time be all like: Zeke tries to smoke on the fire escape/out the window in his jammies (boxers/basic plaid pj pants with an old t-shirt/shirtless)

New York Zeke is an American Spirit blues man for surzies...

He gets an eye roll from a neutral you

A scolding to go down stairs and outside from a mad you

A slap on the shoulder with a: "At least offer me one if you're gonna do it right in front of me!" from a smokes positive you

After a smoke, brushing teeth, turning off the light, glasses on the nightstand, getting under the covers, he basically rolls on top of you for a minute.

Wraps his arms around your form and drags you as close as he can to his chest, and gives you one of those unnecessarily tight hugs that makes you wheeze the air out of your lungs.

Nuzzles his face into the space between your neck and shoulder, and you squirm with the tickle and scratching of his beard, while he heaves a breath and sighs...

You sigh, faking annoyance, but in actuality you're pleased with his affection. You snake your arms the best you can around him, a little difficult with him weighing you down, and hug him back with your palms resting flat on his shoulder blades.

He gives you a lingering kiss on your neck, a smoochy smooch on your cheek, and an extra firm kiss on your lips. He pulls away and shoots you proud grin, pleased with the look in your eyes that you're trying so oh-so-hard to cover up with displeasure, and gives you a soft spoken "Goodnight (y/n)".

Zeke pushes himself off of you, situating himself with his back towards you, tucking his arm underneath his pillow.

You stare at his back, debating to give in to his obvious ploy. You're perfectly aware he purposely faced the other way so you'd paw at his back and side, groaning in annoyance while asking for him to wrap his arm around you.

You can already predict some snide comment about how "incredibly clingy" you are while he rolls over, with a groan too old sounding for a 30 year old, to face you.

"Really now? So does this mean I'm forgiven for this afternoons, completely unplanned, turn of events? Do I get an apology for that one hell of a scolding you gave me earlier? If I wanted to get treated like a toddler, I'd go to my Father's house and listen to Carla nag me about whatever's up her ass that day..." He gives a grimace while saying the last sentence, a trigger reaction whenever he finds himself thinking of the dark haired woman, then gives you an eyebrow raise while waiting for your response.

You give him a playful-angry pout, crease between your brows and lips quirked to the side, staring him down.

With an eye roll and a kiss of his teeth, he tells you to "...turn around", while trying to suppress a yawn.

You smile to yourself once you're turned around facing the windows of your bedroom, humming quietly while Zeke's arm rests over your waist.

You wish him a goodnight of your own, which he responds to with a "Yeah yeah, don't say I never do anything for ya'...", which you respond back to with a pinch on his arm.

He accepts it with a yelp, and bids you goodnight once again, both of you drifting off to sleep with only the sounds of the sleepless streets to lull you to sleep.

It's not a completely peaceful one, as Zeke has a habit of rising at 3 am every night to go piss, chug a quick glass of water from the kitchen, and then sit on the couch to browse his emails for a few minutes.

He eventually returns to his position of being the big spoon he was always meant to be, shuffling under the covers and slinging his arm over your side. He's a little more heavy handed with how he cradles your side now, because of his tired limbs, and half functioning brain.

You lean into him unconsciously, your body sensing the shifting of the mattress and radiating warmth behind you, both of you returning to a heavy slumber.

Not for long though, as a crash and scuffle outside your window startles the two of you awake around 4 am.

A totalled car being towed, and the loud profanities of people in an argument caused by the former, are the sounds that accompany you and Zeke's coffee and oatmeal.

An unexpected, yet equally expected, earlier-than-usual start to your Sunday morning...

Let me know if anyone has any thoughts... I basically made Zeke a pretentious hipster fuck, but let's be honest, that's exactly who he is.... This is my first crack at something like this btw, and I kinda fell into it...

[ I was making a post about how: "ugh! I need some Zeke headcannons!!"

Obviously that turned into: "I'll stop being a lazy ass and do it myself..." -_-; ]

Once again, I am Zeke Trash #1, and you're watching disney channel. :P

yo uh, here's a fun little thing over here, zeke playlist dawg, check it: MONKE