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r4inersslut · 13 days ago

Text

Reiner x Reader x Porco

tw: mentions of losing a parent.

·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:·

·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:·

It had been a long day in the nation of marley. running a fruit stand wasn’t even close to one of the hardest thing that you could ever do, obviously. but, I would admit that was tiring staying out in the heat for as long as I did, maybe it would cool down in a few days. I was packing my shop up, as it was near the end of the day, when I hear the familiar voice of a mischievous young girl call out to me.

“____, you really gonna leave already without giving us a free sample?!?” I could already tell who it was. I turn around with a smile on my face and there I saw my favorite group of kids, gaby, looking all excited whilst, falco, zophia and udo stood behind her, like it was all her idea and she was the mastermind. which, I knew she usually was.

“well, you see gaby, I could.. but you guys forget that the point of running a market is…. to make money..”

“can’t do that if you little weasels come and ask for free stuff all of the time.” I laugh, quickly making my way towards gaby, putting her in a headlock. I proceeded to give her a few hard sisterly nudges on her head. “plus, I thought samples were one time things only.. dork.” I add my sarcastic remark “hey!!!” she attempts to squirm out of my grasp, she was a strong little thing, but she just couldn’t find a way out. I was very close with all of them ever since reiner went all no contact on us.. well I’d like to believe it’s “us” and not just me, but id just be delusional. he had always been away for long periods at a time, but even then he would try to stop by and at least try to have lunch, my mom cooked for him whenever he got back, she was very upset that he just stopped coming over. I would hear gaby talking to everybody that she knew about him every so often, I would ask how he’s doing or what he was up to, she would just say he was doing fine. eventually I had stopped asking a long time ago and ended up keeping it that way, they were cousins.. they were supposed to talk, I really had no place to ask or say anything. but, It still just made no sense to me.. if he’d been around why hadn’t he at least stopped by to see me at least one time, could you possibly be that busy? once I had let go of gaby, I started to talk. “I’m just teasing you guys..! here, you little things need to eat anyway, and some good stuff at that.”

“___, you know you don’t have to, right?” falco adds, “falco, stop being such a baby.” gaby grumpily adds while giving him a somewhat gentle shove. falco was just nice and careful, but that didn’t mean he was a baby. “you guys, if I was really struggling I would have stood firm on my decision.” I headed back behind my stand and start chopping a pineapple. “besides, I bet you guys have never had this before, I just got an import from somewhere in the south, I haven’t had it in years. maybe you guys might like it.” zophia glances at it, she quietly starts to speak, “so.. spiky..” udo nods his head along with her statement. “what is it??” falco questions. “somewhere in the south??” gaby wondered. “a pineapple.” I replied

“pineapple?!? those look nothing like apples.” udo adds. I started to laugh a bit. “well, take it up with the person that named it.” I shrug “so lame.” gaby had to add her two cents into the conversation. as I finished up cutting the edges of the pineapple to give them, I couldn’t help but listen to them talk. “pineapple is so confusing, I would have named it spikefruit or something.” gaby shakes her head. “yeah sounds cooler.” udo nods, I end up laughing to myself a bit and hand them all their pieces. I calmly wait for their reactions. I already had one, plenty actually. I’ve had many fruits since being a vendor, but pineapple is by far one of my favorites, my mind starts to go blank for some reason.

- - - - -

“reiner, get back here!!!” I yell as I start chasing my friend reiner. we had been close for years, but he was always just so sneaky. “you’re gonna have to catch up to me.” he yells back with a smile, while carrying one of the fruits from my mother’s shop. I start to gain a little speed from being so frustrated that he decided to just take off like that. my mom left me to watch over the shop for awhile, but reiner decided that he wanted to run off and take something with him, this is why I told him to run back home, I was fine and didn’t need any help because he was no help at times. she would most likely get mad at me if she found out that someone was sneaking around and stealing her produce, especially if it was one that she rarely gets imported, even worse if all of her stuff was gone by the time I got back. I was thinking about it, we still needed the money, and reiner dipping off and taking things wouldn’t help that at all. reiner runs for as long as he could, until he stopped on a long stone staircase, plopping down on the ground with the fruit in his hands. I catch up to him up the stairs, but my breathing is rapid. I had to catch my breath before I spoke. “give.. that… back..” I tried to tell him, I had to say each word slowly. I try reaching out and grabbing it from his hands, but he dodged me swiftly every single time “come on… (your mom’s name) wouldn’t mind.. besides, she loves me..” He raises his eyebrows up and down in a cocky manner, trying to swoon me into letting have it, this bastard.. even if I wanted I still wouldn’t be able to get it from him anyway. I look at him, not pleased in the slightest maybe he was right.. my mom wouldn’t mind, she was always the nice lady that let people try her stuff for free, and she loved reiner. I start to become more at ease. “fine..”

“what is this thing anyway..??” he stares at me all confused. “It’s a pineapple..”

“pineapple? never heard of it before.. it’s very spiky though, how do you even eat it?” he adds, while looking all around at it. I just laugh, this idiot goes and steals something.. and he doesn’t even know what it is. I knew it wasn’t the most pleasing to look at. “you don’t eat it like that, you have to cut it open.. in the inside its yellow, and if you get a good one, they taste really really sweet” I pull out my pocket knife that my mom gave me. “but, in the middle it’s kind of hard, so you have to eat around it, unless you’re one of the people that like it.” I take it from him and attempt to slice it open.

“how would you know..?” he bluntly replies, but then catches himself, remembering that my mother literally owned a fruit shop. “oh.. never mind.” he laughs and I start to laugh along with him. I ended up cutting it open and giving him a slice, waiting for his reaction. his face lit up when he bit into it and tasted it for the first time. knowing that he liked it as much as I did made me happy, maybe it was worth it after all. “where does your mom even get these??!! you need to tell her to get more.” he said, chewing with his mouth open as he obviously liked it, maybe too much. “like, all the time..” he adds.

“I don’t know where, she said she gets them from somewhere in the south” I laughed at him, but noticed that he was being improper.

“and close your mouth, finish saying what you want when you’re done eating.” I shake my head as I look at him.

“sorry.” he says, but food was still in his mouth.

“you’re doing it again reiner!”. “sorry!!!” he laughs. I lightly hit him in the shoulder a couple of times in a playful manner. “ow..ow!!” he gets up and runs in circles away from me. “get over here!!” we both laugh as we chased each other around. later, reiner soon went on to devour the whole thing.

—————

“____, you okay? you’ve been staring over there with a strange face for awhile.” falco comes over and taps me lightly a few times. “yeah! I’m.. just fine!” I shake my head and exclaim really enthusiastically, almost too enthusiastic that it was kind of off. “I was just thinking about things I have to do later.” I laugh. falco looks at me and nods suspiciously, with a worried smile. I start to get annoyed that I even got reminded of him, maybe it would be best if I had just went on with life like I had never met him at all, but it was going to be hard. “well, ____! that was one of the most delicious things that I have ever had!! you should get more of those spikefruit things” gaby exclaims.

“thank you.” zophia calmly says.

“anytime guys..” I smiled. they ended up thanking me again and again, saying their goodbyes and then leaving. I had to continue packing up my shop..

for the next few days I continue what I always did, every day. sold fruit for hours, went about my life, thinking maybe I should just try to do something else. but.. I was stuck thinking about my mom, this was her shop and this is what she was passionate about, after all. she would have wanted me to keep it and continue. besides, I’ve been here ever since I could remember. I shake my head, and laugh to myself for thinking something so dumb.. why would I ever get rid of it? plus I barely have enough money to keep going about life anyway. I need it.

as I close down my shop, I put the remaining items in a cloth bag that my mom had made for me awhile back, and started walking back to my house. the walk took a few good long minutes, but I had ended up at my front door sooner than I expected. I attempted to get they house key out of my pocket, but ended up dropping a few things from out of the bag when I leaned over, I ignored it and continued to open my door, I sat the bag down inside near the door and turned back around to get on my knees trying to pick up the things that had fallen. “need some help?” I heard the deep voice of a man call out from a few feet away. I didn’t recognize who it was, nor did I ever bother looking up to see, there were plenty of nice people around where I lived, all willing to help with anything. I just continued picking the fruits up. “It’s okay don’t worry about it.. I’m fine, thank you sir.” the man laughed as he approached even closer. “sir?” he stopped. “that really does sound so weird coming from you..” as soon as he said that, I looked up and saw someone that I didn’t think I would ever see.

reiner, all professional.. looking down at me.. I was hesitant to even say anything, I just had this confused look on my face, almost as if I had seen a titan. “what..? did I do something?”. he asked, upon seeing me. It kind of made me angry seeing him all nonchalant and kiddish about everything like I hadn’t seen him for awhile.. over a year.. maybe even two, I started to think perhaps awhile would be an understatement itself. I start to speak up. “did you do something??” I scoff, I should’ve just went inside then and there, but it didn’t. “I�� just wanted to see how you and (mom’s name) were doing.. it’s been a while, I thought maybe you’d be happy to see me.” his tone of voice started to change, he rubs the nape of his neck awkwardly.. I rolled my eyes, continuing what I was doing. treating him as if he were any other ordinary person stopping by, but I knew that he wasn’t. I opened my door and proceeded to put the remainder of the fruits in the bag that I sat near the door a few moments ago. then afterwards I turn my attention back to him. “did you need anything else?” I look at him with a blank expression, trying to be as calm as possible. he thinks about what to say for a bit, and then starts to talk “look, I get it. I’m sorry.. I am. I should have stopped by sooner.. but come on, you shouldn’t be so abrupt..”

“huh..? no, you don’t get it.. It’s been so long that I forgot what you even sounded like, is that normal to you reiner!?” my voice started to raise, I basically started to snap.

“___…” he tries to call out to me by my name but I just ignore it. my eyes started to water, but I just stood there and hoped that it wasn’t noticeable. “It’s been so long that I never even got to tell you that she got sick and passed away..” I said, my voice cracking as I tried to speak. “months ago..” I added

“now I just do things alone.” I shrugged.

reiner looked honestly appalled to hear what I had just said. almost like he was in disbelief that things had even happened like that, but he knew what he did. maybe he thought time flew by and it hadn’t actually been that long. maybe that’s why he approached me the way he did. I was so lonely after my mom had passed, I had nobody to talk to, and the only person that I wanted to talk to, well, the only person I was ever close to was never there.. “___, I.. just..” reiner tried to speak but i just wouldn’t let him “i appreciate you stopping by. but, it would’ve been best if you just.. didn’t...”, my voice was almost emotionless, I didn’t even feel like crying anymore.

“___.. I’m sorry, I don’t know why I didn’t ever stop by.. I really do feel horrible, I didn’t know.... I’m sorry!! and if i did i would have a long time ago-!” he sounded angry with himself, but I didn’t really pay any attention to it, that’s how he should feel. I cut him off. “of course you didn’t know.” I angrily reply, “because you never came..” I soon just sigh and laugh, because that’s honestly all I could do. “you know what.. just forget it reiner. forget you were even here, everything. just forget about it..” I shake my head and end up closing the door in his face, I saw him try to reach his hand out before I did it, but I didn’t care. I felt him linger in front of the door for a few long moments until he decided to accept whatever happened and walked away.. good, I didn’t ever want to see him again anyway. especially after what he did, it was so messed up. I went to sleep and tried to forget about what happened, I was trying to forget before, but now it would be even harder. I thought, maybe I was being too harsh… maybe it hadn’t been as long as I thought it was, he had nothing but good intentions or so he thought. but then I thought about it again... remembering what I had to go through, having to listen to my mom asking about what happened to reiner and why he never stopped by anymore, even when she was sick, telling her that I didn’t know, never did, and having to go on with life without anyone to at least talk to about things made regret ever thinking I was being too harsh. but he’s his own person after all. he had other things and people to worry about, he always did.

i get up from bed, and since it was morning I thought maybe I’d take a shower and put a dress on to take a stroll around before work. try and eat near the sea and get some fresh air, since that was where I went when it was time to pick up my fruits, I had always liked looking out there into the ocean. I started walking past the markets, and then to the dock, seeing everyone scattered around..working. I go to the very edge where I sat down and let my legs hang off of the small ledge, I brought myself something to eat in a little bag. I look out into the water, it was so pretty. I always thought we were extremely privileged to even be able to live next to something so beautiful, my mom would take me here sometimes. I start eating without a care in the world. “hey!” I hear someone shout out. I thought I already knew who it was, so I just start packing up, maybe it was one of the workers telling me to move for an oncoming ship. “yeah, I uh.. I’m really sorry, I just wanted to see it for a few minutes.. I’ll leave.” I had finished putting everything in my bag, getting up to make make my way towards the entrance of where I came from. “are you always this absent minded?.” the mystery guy laughs. “I don’t work here, just wanted to say I thought you looked lonely, plus it might be really dangerous if you fall in.” he smiled “well, i don’t mind, i guess its worth the risk. it’s peaceful..” I shrugged, looking at him.. what did he even want and who was he? “crazy one aren’t you? but i don’t think its peaceful if you’re always alone, or if you end up dying because you can’t swim..” he laughs at me yet again. I looked at him all confused. “great… I’m so pathetic that I make people I don’t even know feel bad for me, huh?” I start to mumble to myself, I guess it happened to be loud enough for him to hear me. I roll my eyes and then storm off. “ugh.” what was his deal? he looked like he got caught off guard “hey! what? that’s not-..” he tried to yell from behind me, I just shut everything out.

“wait, come back!” he tries to catch up with me, what is this guys deal? I don’t even know him, and I knew he was just inches away. “and how do you even know if I’m always alone or not?!? you weirdo!” I turn around as I swat my bag at him with all of my food still in there. I end up hitting him a couple of times, some of the food ended up falling out as well.. what a creep. “ow!” he tries to block wherever the bag landed with his arms and steps away. “look, this might sound weird but I’m not a stalker alright?!?” he tries to explain “I just see you around.. you run that one fruit shop right?” I soon remembered that I wasn’t invisible, and that people remembered my face. I calmed down, and soon started to feel empathetic, but still.. why was he watching me? “yeah.. I do run it.. but, what’s it to you? just leave me alone.” I continue walking, ever since everything happened with my life I’ve just been different. I didn’t even like talking to people anymore, let alone someone who was basically making fun of me. “look I apologize okay?! I didn’t mean to make you feel any sort of way, that was never my intention..” he exhaled as he continued talking afterwards “this was a bad first introduction, I know..” I end up stopping and looking back at him.

“and I do feel bad.. I really shouldn’t have made that assumption about you..” I just stare at him for a few seconds before giving a small nod.. “look, It’s fine.. have a good day sir, alright?” i reply, giving a little smile, before walking away and sighing to myself. If what I said before wasn’t indication that I just wanted to be left alone, that definitely was. I keep on my way, thinking maybe I should have cussed him out, and let people stop walking all over me for once, or if I should have just let him speak and say what he wanted to say.

whatever, at least he said sorry I guess.

I get back home, regretting that I ever went outside. no wonder I always stay in when I can. I end up taking another shower since I was out in the sun. soon I had to set up my shop, I just thought it would be a nice experience to eat and get some fresh air, but I don’t think I’ll ever do that again.

I sat at my shop and ended up selling to a decent amount of people. the man who owned the market, joseph came by. “___, you’re short on payments.. I’ll need that by the end of tomorrow.. got it?” he said in a disapproving tone, but he wasn’t too demanding. “really?? I.. I thought I was good for the next few days.” I couldn’t help but bury my face in my hands in sheer disappointment… “I’m sorry, I wish it said otherwise on my papers. you’re a good kid ___, and I’m really sorry about what happened, but I’m gonna need it by tomorrow when the market closes up.” he looks at me all sympathetically before eventually walking away while I was too caught up thinking about what to do. I just wanted to scream. I didn’t think I had enough to even cover what I owed, since I didn’t know how much I owed. I start to get frustrated that I didn’t think to ask. but, I was in public and didn’t want any attention on me if I just kicked something or yelled as loud as i could. I just sink down in my chair, waiting for the next person who wanted to buy anything. hours go by, soon I managed to rack up a good dozen gold coins or so maybe I’ll be on the right track if I sell more and more every day.. but I then realized that he said he needed it by tomorrow. I bang my head on the wooden pillar of my stand. I wanted to continue selling here, but I wouldn’t have any choice in the end if I can’t keep up with my payments, I can barely afford to keep my shop, how will I even be able to eat? or even import stuff to sell? “I wouldn’t recommend doing that, you’ll hurt yourself.” I hear someone call out. I jolt my head over to the voice and immediately sigh.. “you again?” I start to get annoyed. why did he decide to show up, I would have been fine without seeing him ever again.

“yeah, me. I.. just wanted to talk to you.”

“what could we possibly talk about?”

“I just wanted to say sorry again, I mean it.. I still feel bad for what I said, I was out of line.”

“I already said it was fine, I don’t need another apology from you, you’re just wasting your own time and energy.” I turn my back and start organizing my shop.

“I just didn’t know how to talk to you..” he stood there for a few long moments before he finally gained the courage to admit what he had been holding back. when he had said that, I ended up turning around and looking at him with a blank expression, “it’s easy, just don’t. I’m not anyone special.” I shrug. maybe it was me, I act so nonchalant about everything, no wonder I was always doing things by myself. “I wouldn’t speak about yourself like that either, it’s not good for you” I was expecting this guy to walk away, but he just didn’t.. why did he even care..?

“I realize I never told you my name..” he nervously chuckled. “it’s porco.. but sometimes people just call me by my last name, galliard..” he shrugs. I stare at him before nodding. “okay galliard, did you need anything?” I kept up with the whole uninterested thing.

“maybe your name too, would be nice.”

“___.” I bluntly said before I continued what i was doing.

“you’re so straightforward..” he shook his head. “that’s fine, I know someone that’s almost exactly like you, ___..” he carried on. “did you need any help?” he went on with trying to talk to me, almost like he saw right through me. “I’m fine, just go do your own thing.” I replied back to him.

“that’s kind of the thing.. I have some free time, and I don’t mind helping you if you need it.”

“besides, that’s the least I could do.” he looks down at you, doing whatever you were doing, attempting to be convincing. I stood there for awhile until I made up my mind. “look, do whatever you want.. just be quiet okay?” I finally say. “great, thank you! what do you want me to do?”

what a weird one...

“well I wanted you to leave me alone, but I guess you can organize these if you want.” I accidentally let out a small laugh as I hand him a basket of produce..

“ha! I guess you’re not so mean after all..” he smiles as he takes it from me, and it took everything for me not to grab a bag and swat it at him again.

“hey, that doesn’t mean i—!!”

—-

as porco finished up helping her with the stand, he said his goodbyes and made his way back to the marleyan base. he found his good friend reiner roaming about and decided that he had to tell him about what happened “so, you know that girl I was talking about, the one that ran that shop?” porco questioned. reiner nodded, porco was always blabbering on and on about random women every chance he found one that was his type, but none ever worked out, it was kind of no surprise that he had something to say. “did it go well?” reiner furrowed his eyebrows, wondering how things went last time, since the other one ended up being uninterested. “did it go well???” porco repeated reiner’s question.

“It went better than i thought it would, actually.. I thought I messed everything up at first.” porco then continued to tell him the rest of the story.. reiner started to hear something that gave him a very familiar feeling..

the teasing, the owning the fruit stand, the stubborn girl that refused any help, the way that she hit him a couple of times. reiner started to stare off into the distance for a few moments before looking back at porco.

“say, porco.. did you…ever get her name?” reiner asked. porco just gave him a very confused look in return.

“yeah. of course I did, but it’s not like you would know her anyway..” porco giggles. “yeah.. I guess you’re right.” reiner attempts to laugh along with him, but something seemed off. “anyways I’ll tell you if anything else happens, I gotta head down to train with pieck. see you later reiner!” porco runs off all happy, and child-like. reiner’s mind starts to wander.

hm…

fruit stand.. huh?

21 notes · View notes

jeansplaytoy · 1 year ago

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Can I get some cheater!zeke who has a whole wife and kids and is cheating on her with yn by had no clue and think that he doesn’t what to be seem in public with her because he embarrassed of her and is scared to ask him why btw him and why have a kid on the way and while reader is about to have her kid she find out about his kids and wife and he want to give him and his wife marriage a second chance leaving yn a single and heartbroken new mom with no help from anyone 🫦😋😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚😚🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🍕🍕🔥🍕🍕🍕🍕😋😋😋😋🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛

LMAOO THIS IS SO MUCH but alright since it’s my first request 😋!!!

The Other Woman.

cheater!zeke x afab!reader

long!, toxicity, cheating, profanity, pregnancy, mentions of pregnancy, angst.

Feb, 25.

you stood in the grocery store, searching for food that would last at least for the month. being low on budget, and having to provide for your unborn baby, you sighed to yourself. zeke apparently had some things to do while you went to the store, so that’s why he couldn’t go with you. you waited in line for the next person to move up so that you could finally pay for the things you needed after having them scanned.

“lovely day, isn’t it?” the cashier spoke to you with a nice smile. you slowly nodded and sucked in air through your teeth. “could be better, but every day is better than the last, right?” you softly laughed.

it was only your third month of being pregnant, you didn’t completely hate it. you loved your child, with all your heart. but you hated the feeling of going out, and having no one with you. all your friends are out and eventually just stopped talking to you ever since the pregnancy hit. ‘we’ll always be here for you.’ yeah that was some bullshit they said to you, only to help you feel better for that first week.

and as the day passes by, you finally made it where you couldn’t be bothered by anyone, other than your boyfriend, zeke. you’d been dating for a year or so, and it was real ruthless of you to get knocked up that quickly, but what else could you do? there’s no going back now. no type of going back that you’d wanna take the chances of.

“did you get the food for today? i told you i’d go out to get it later on after i came from running errands.” he said before standing up and planting a small kiss on your cheek. he’d just walked through the front door, and you’d already put everything where it needed to be. you slowly reached down and felt the small, but there, bump on your stomach. “you were taking too long, and i was hungry. both of us.” you glanced up at him while rubbing your stomach.

zeke hummed before turning to go to the kitchen and grab a cup of coffee. “well, still.” he said from the kitchen. you smiled a little to yourself, for whatever reason.

now it wouldn’t be a big problem to the average pregnant girlfriend. your boyfriend just wants to care for you and let you rest and blah blah blah, but the more you thought about it, ever since you got pregnant, zeke didn’t wanna go in public with you. and of course it sounded dumb when you scribbled all that into your mind three months later.

May, 29.

you stared at your, now medium visible belly as you lifted your shirt. it was another rainy day, and zeke still hadn’t come back from wherever he left from. he didn’t even tell you he was leaving, he just left before you even got out of the shower. and when he arrived, he brought you flowers. only to distract you from being mad at him.

you looked over to your room door as it opened, zeke coming in with a green and yellow bouquet of flowers. like every time he left without warning. you wouldn’t even bother to ask him where he was, if you hadn’t caught on to whatever he was doing.

“where have you been?” you ask nicely, not wanting to start anything too serious. “out, why? i got you flowers.” he smiled, pulling you into a soft hug. you kept your hands crossed as you smiled and nodded, awkwardly. “yeah… zeke, listen, i don’t want you to get mad at me but i feel like you’ve been going out way too much and-“

“way too much? what am i, y/n, a child?” zeke placed the flowers on the bed before taking off his tie to his suit and putting it on the vanity. “no, no, i’m not saying that. i’m saying, i feel like i should know where you are when you just up and leave like that. because sometimes i get worried, and it’s not really helping my stress levels.” i you say, sitting down on the end of your bed.

“you worry too much.”

you bit your lip softly and looked to the side. “it’s for a good reason… is…” you hesitate to say what’s on your mind. “is that why you’ve been going out more? to go in public, like… without having me around?-“

“gosh, y/n, you’re acting like a damn child. what has gotten into you? is it that baby inside of you making you act like that?” zeke chuckled and shook his head while changing clothes as he walked around the room. your eyes followed him. “i’m sorry that i’m worried for your safety, but i wanna make sure you’re not uncomfortable with being around me.” you frown and look at him.

“what makes you think i’m not? oh, just because i don’t wanna go out with you all the time, or because i don’t wanna be with you 25/8? shit, gimme a break. i’ve been working my ass off, and i don’t always need to be with you. we are a couple. i trust you and you trust me. i love you.” and that’s all he said before moving you over a little to lie down in bed, where he didn’t even say goodnight or give you a kiss, like he used to.

you looked at him for a moment before laying down in bed, closing your eyes. what else could you do?

Aug, 30

birth, your boyfriend, those two things didn’t match did they? no. because your boyfriend wasn’t there with you. he took you to the hospital, mikasa visited you, she was sitting on the couch that was in front of the hospital window, finally not smothering your newborn son. your baby was laying in another small baby bedding beside your bed.

your body hurt, and you could honestly barely move your legs. you sighed and didn’t dare look at your phone. he wasn’t there for the birth or the labor. he was just gone. “you sure you don’t want a burger or something?” mikasa asked you as she walked over to you. “you don’t have to sulk about zeke, be happy that your sons here.” she rubbed your hand as you nodded slowly, staring into space.

“mhm.” you hummed, barely listening to her. mikasa stared at you for a second before sighing. “i’m gonna go get you some food, you haven’t eaten in hours. i’ll be back, okay?” she gave you a forehead kiss before walking towards the door and leaving.

you bit your lip as your gaze moved over to your son. you haven’t even been able to pick a name for the little fella. because you didn’t have help from anyone, and you didn’t have any names on your mind. you smiled weakly at him, even though he was peacefully asleep. “i love you.” you whispered at him before looking down at your phone as it vibrated.

‘Zeke❤️’

you stared at the contact before exhaling and answering, ready to complain and confront the man about leaving you randomly.

“where are you? i’ve been trying to reach you for hours and you haven’t been answering the phone. you didn’t even get to see the birth of your-“

“excuse me, who is this?” a female voice said over the phone. your heart almost dropped to your stomach. “uh, who is this?” you squinted as if whoever she was, was right in front of you.

“zeke’s wife… why do you keep contacting my husband?” she asked over the phone before you heard zekes voice in the background.

“who is it, babe?” you heard faintly before hearing the cheering laughter of two seemingly toddlers, maybe one child. “daddy’s gonna get you!” you heard before hearing a child scream of laughter.

yeah, you could feel your heart break into ten different pieces, maybe add a few thousands. “some woman by the name of… y/n? that’s what it says in your phone.” you heard her say before it sounded like she put the phone on the counter. “are you still talking to that girl? i thought you said you were gonna stop talking to her and start the marriage with me again.” the woman said before you heard zeke smack his lips. “i love you, she’s… wait.” he said.

you heard someone pick up the phone and you didn’t even realize that tears were flooding your eyes, rolling down your cheeks. you sniffed as your lip twitched and your eyebrows furrowed. “y/n?-“

you hung up. you wanted to throw your phone, but even God knows that it’ll be a long time before you got a new one. you blocked his contact and put your phone beside you, slightly sitting up.

you tried to take a deep breath in to calm yourself down. bad decision. because when you did, that’s when you broke down. “oh my god…” you whispered through your sobs before looking at your son and trying your best to stay quiet. you shook your head slowly before putting it in your hands.

it was heartbreaking. really. how could you go two years and nine months without knowing that there was someone else?

that he loved the other woman, and didn’t care about you enough to love you.

sorry this took so long 😓 i have a couple requests and dk what to do BUT i’ll have the rest of y’all’s requests done, i promiseee!!

#zeke yeager #zeke x reader #aot angst #x reader angst #zeke yaeger x reader #zeke jaeger #attack on titan #aot oneshots #aot x reader #aot headcanons #angst headcanons #zeke jäger

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anlian-aishang · 1 year ago

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SNK Men - Falling Out of Love with Them - Levi, Erwin, Eren, Armin, Jean, Reiner, Zeke

tags: snk x reader, sfw, angst, food mention, alcohol mention, smoking mention, break-ups, modern AU, gn!reader

Levi:

You could tell from the second you laid eyes on him: a man of few words, an introvert, full of thoughts but nothing to say. Silent heart held secrets. Crossed arms guarded them. You longed to unlock his cage, to set him free, and shoulder those burdens with him. That desire gave you the courage to approach him. Your kindness kept him there.

Far later, living together, closets and cabinets filled, routines intertwined, such milestones used to give you confidence in your relationship. Over time, though, they became looming doubts. Levi never talked about his day, about himself. When you asked him, he provided mere slivers. When you pressed on, he narrowed his gaze in a way that shut you up. He was the foil to your fairy tales: never professing his love, never a heartfelt love letter just cause. In fact, no confessions of love at all.

Sharing a bed with you, but not his past. Levi had met your friends, your family, but you couldn’t name either of his parents. Where did he grow up? What brought him to this city? Why does he love you? Does he love you?

Years gone by, you started to question whether you knew that much more than you did that first night. Tears in your eyes as you surveyed him from across the living room: hand on his cheek, attention solely on his reading. He looked just as mysterious as he did back then. All that time, those efforts, your affection: wasted.

A man of no regrets gained one in your departure: he should have told you everything. The only one he had ever lived with, the only one he had slept with, he thought it was obvious - how special you were to him. The pain of recounting his past was nothing compared to that of losing you. The vulnerability required to open up was much less than that of reconciling your break-up. In his eyes, he had been an open book. In his eyes, there was no reason to try that again.

Erwin:

Out of your league. Top of the food chain. Tall and blonde, smart and beautiful, he had the eyes of everyone on him. When you learned that his were on you, god, it was a feeling you wished you could bottle forever. If you could have, maybe that would have prevented you from falling out of love.

From the first day you met him throughout the course of your relationship, you never forgot how appreciated he was, even if you wanted to. It was what drew you to him, now what separated you from him. Every morning, he left for work far before you woke up. Every evening, he was home too late for dinner. Weekends were wonderful - lazy cuddles, fancy brunches, movies and museums - but they were all you had: a mere 72 hours of his week. Work was his life, his wife. You were just his part-time, his side hustle.

Over time, so constantly reminded of his importance, you felt comparatively, increasingly worthless. How many meals alone? The housework of two allotted to only one. Dinner parties where your date was the hidden corner or the cocktail bar rather than him. You realized: you were practically already single, and you would rather be comfortably single than repeatedly broken up with - every time he chose you last.

What you missed were the kisses on your forehead before he left those mornings, the overtimes he put in so that his weekends could be free for you, the refusal of all-expense-paid business trips to Paris, London, Hong Kong just because they did not fit in your schedule. He had the world at his disposal, but home was always his top destination. Some days, he was late to arrive there. He left earlier and more often than he would have liked. But it wasn’t the mansion that drew him back, it was always you.

Eren:

Eren’s spontaneity was perfect for that summer fling, the movie star of your coming of age. Last-minute drive-ins, sudden custard cravings, sneaking out of windows, and spur-of-the-moment road trips to nowhere, Eren was game for all of your heart’s desires, the most indulgent boyfriend, maple syrup on tap.

Seasons changed, though, yet his impulsiveness didn’t. Come your birthday, he had no surprises planned, just whatever you want. Anniversaries that he would play by ear. When leases ran up and it was time to decide whether to move in together, he was a shrug of the shoulders: what do you think? Anything about your future, he played listener and simply let you drone on. He did not change the subject, but his lack of enthusiasm essentially did, a deafening silence to your thoughts: indifferent to a life with you.

In frustration’s lens, his open mind became a careless one. Adventure was just childishness in disguise. Did he really love you or the idea of you? Were you a special someone or just someone to share experiences with? Unthoughtful, and you don’t deserve someone who doesn’t think of you.

You decided to give him a taste of his own medicine when you suddenly packed your bags and snuck out of his house for the last time. Before he could realize you were upset, you were already gone, denying him a chance to tell his truth. He did not care about the steps along the way, all he cared about was sharing your path. Leaving decisions in your hands, he let you be the captain while he played passenger to your life. Given your fear of growing up, he felt that he could be your partner in playfulness, keeping your spirits alive. All of him meant to prioritize your happiness, whatever that would take, wherever it would lead you - even if it was out the door.

Armin:

Ocean-blue eyes, sunshine in his hair. Warm smile, soft hands. His appearance caught your attention, his mentality was what hooked you. Armin thought ahead, far ahead, constantly several steps before yours. It allowed you to relax for once, trusting that everything was safe in his hands. Reserving tables, making plans, shopping lists, booking hotels, thorough itineraries, his handling of everything convinced you to worry about nothing.

In taking away your stressors, though, he had taken them all to himself. He would pile on, pile on, pile on until he was overwhelmed, taking it out through sporadic morning sprints and screaming in scalding showers. Apparently, his preferred decompression lie in caffeine-fueled midnight spells at his desk over a bed with you. When you tried to quell him, he would whimper, I’ll try to do better. I’ll do better. A simple sentence, but misunderstood. You thought he would improve at communicating with you, that he would work to share his workload. He meant the opposite: if he could manage his time better, if he could measure his responsibilities accurately, it would prevent his meltdowns so that he wouldn’t have to run to you.

You were patient week by week. Month by month, you began to wonder. A year later, and he still had not even thought to let you in. From there, anxiety’s voice amplified: he thinks you’re incapable, incompetent. You can’t be trusted with even the smallest things. He doesn’t trust you.

No matter how many times he read it over, your letter still confused him. Encyclopedias and editorials, no piece of literature had left him lost like you had. A good head on one’s shoulders was his first and foremost requirement of any partner, so why did you say you didn’t have one? You saw his mistakes and loved him past them, how could you claim he was a perfectionist? All of him was with you in mind, but if he couldn’t share his life with you, you weren’t his life partner.

Jean:

By his own confession, he was helplessly in love with you. Jean said it early, said it often, both in words and actions. Close cuddles every night, deliberate kisses every morning. Regular reminders of his feelings had lifted your self-esteem from lowest lows to highest highs. You were such royalty in his eyes, you actually started to believe it in your own. Jean willed your status into reality.

You became the decision maker, the head of the home. He became your biggest fan, your yes-man. From things as small as choosing dinner to topics as big as world views and your futures, he was completely agreeable. Your hobbies, your friends, your feelings became his. At first, you thought you had met your perfect match. Despite his praise, though, you knew that the world did not revolve around you, only his did. When you asked him what he really wanted, he looked lost. Starting hypotheticals with if I wasn’t around… left him dazed.

He was your perfect match because he was your mirror. In becoming yours, Jean Kirstein lost himself, you killed him. Playing his commandant, you destroyed him. Letting him free, you owed it to him.

Jean could not disagree, no matter how much he wanted to: he had become yours, you had changed all of him. What you got wrong, though, was that it was for the worse. The role of significant other was what made him come alive. Before you, he was nothing. With you, he was something. Your needs gave him purpose. Your smiles gave him rewards. You had led him down a candy trail in pursuit of your affection. He had always imagined it would lead to a lifetime with you, but instead, you cut him off in the middle of your forest: lost and confused, alone and hopeless, nowhere and nobody.

Reiner:

Radiant. Blonde hair reflected all light, making him stand out in any scene. His voice was deep, you dove and drowned in it. A head-turning, infectious laugh. Reiner’s body language was confident, his figure strong. His smile was inviting, his eye contact solid, attractive conventionally and especially to you. Broad shoulders would carry your troubles, soft lips would kiss your wounds. You clung to him like a life preserver, someone to share your struggles.

It was selfish of you, but he didn’t see it that way. In fact, he took it as the opposite. In catching your tears, he knew you would be there to wipe his. Listening to your vents, you had handed him a microphone to voice the things he needed off his chest. With you, Reiner was comfortable, even more than times he was alone. You let him cry while his inner voice yelled for him to stop. Tears penetrated your shirt, soaking all the way to your heart. Ashamed to admit it, but you used to enjoy them. A one-person audience to his other side. Proof that he could be himself with you. You took pride in that exclusivity.

Night after night, though, those emotions started to lose their rarity. Bags under your eyes, drifting off to sleep but woken up by a loud sob, Reiner was no longer romantic, but pathetic. That assured and capable man from before turned hollow in your presence. This isn’t what you signed up for. You’ve been tricked. You’re not his therapist. Instead of sympathy, apathy. Your former desire to hear all he had to say was overshadowed by your longing for him to be happy. The more he cried to you, the further you reached towards the conclusion: he was more often sad than happy in your presence.

You said it was best for him, but you were the best thing that ever happened to him. You said that you could still be friends, but his friends didn’t know what you did, no one did. You had taught him it was okay to feel, but finished the lesson: just not with me.

Zeke:

Sharp, critical, an opinion for everything, above it all. You found him flawless because he could find flaws in anything, so when you managed to make him fall for you, your ego swelled: you were perfect.

Reserving a passenger seat in his car, you felt you had booked a celebrity. Movie tickets, plane tickets, side by side, the exclusive partner for his excursions. Sharing his bed felt too good to be true. In it, the adoration he gave you was ripped straight from your dreams. For you, he only had praise. When he became your everything, your flaws disappeared to nothing. Two perfect people in love with each other, you thought your relationship would be the same.

It was for a while. Hearing his rambles, you savored his cynical perspectives and the low sound of his voice. His contempt for everything else, you translated it as proof of his love for you. When all else was awful, he found solace with you. Eventually, though, that lens grew cloudy in cigarette smoke. You could listen for hours, but the only thing that stopped his rants were the Marlboros. You never minded the smell of smoke, but when you thought of its connotations - confiding in cigarettes rather than you - you grew to hate it, to envy it.

You worked so hard to make your home a happy one, but rant by rant, it was filled with sadness. If he had so much to complain about, he must not have been happy. If he was not happy, you were not helping him, at least, not enough. Not enough, not enough, not enough - no matter how much he insisted.

// masterlist //

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frickingnerd · 10 days ago

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love triangle with zeke & morag

pairing: morag ladair x gn!reader x zeke von genbu

tags: flirty!zeke vs. serious!morag, opposites attracted to you, wholesome fluff, established zeke & reader 'friendship'/flirting

zeke and you have crossed paths many times by now and each time, there was a clear attraction between the two of you!

zeke is a bit flirty in general, so you never did tend to take him too serious when he flirted with you, knowing you weren’t really the only one he behaved this way towards

but the two of you weren't dating and therefore not mutually exclusive. your paths only ever crossed so many times and you tried not to think too much about what zeke did when you weren't around

and then you met morag. she was unlike zeke, serious and not flirty at all, yet there was an attraction between you and her as well!

while zeke was fun and had surely captured your heart, morag was stable and serious. you knew that she was serious whenever she complimented you

for a while, you tried to forget about zeke. morag was nice and while you hadn't started dating yet, it only felt like a matter of time until the two of you finally went serious

but before that could happen, your paths with zeke crossed once more. and the surprise was written on his face when he saw you with morag for the first time!

you had only ever seen zeke flirty and laidback, but for once you saw a different side of him! the crown prince was panicking, realizing he had competition for your love…!

zeke is admittedly rather childish, so instead of addressing the issue, his first reaction is to downplay morag and tune up the flirty! more compliments, more praise, more sweet nothings!

but it only does the opposite of what he tries to achieve; making you wonder how serious this truly is to him!

if zeke wants you, he eventually has to drop his act and truly admit to how much he cares about you! that you're the only one for him and that no other person can compare to you!

but perhaps by then, morag may have already won your heart with her genuine and serious nature…

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hangesbrattyapprentice · 1 year ago

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Chains in the Sand

After losing the battle of Shiganshina, three Warriors return to Marley with some unplanned cargo.

Zeke has a new hobby.

cw: allusion to canon-typical violence, injury, and death, angst, kidnapping, yandere behaviour, zeke being messed up in general, miscarriage, suicidal thoughts, nudity, eventual smut.

Dark content in general. My dead dove radar is very skewed so I can't really tell how dark this is but please read at your own discretion and MINORS PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT!

Sooo I recently finished chp 2 on ao3 and decided to post this fic here as well because this is pretty much my second home rn. Hope you enjoy!

Things here felt…wrong. She didn’t know where they’d brought her – having seen nothing for days save for the inside of a trunk before being transferred to this hovel – but everything here, even the most normal of objects, seemed to emit an unsettling aura.

The bathroom she was in was simple enough – dingy tiled walls and floor of a shade that didn’t match any identifiable colour, a drain in one corner, a toilet in the other, one water fixture jutting out of the wall, a barrel-like tub that would not accommodate unbent knees, and nothing else.

And yet, the sense of discordance clung to every corner of this place just like relentless nausea clung to her. The glaze of the tiles was strange. The pattern of holes in the drain’s strainer was unlike any she had ever seen before. Outside, the cacophony of civilisation sounded foreign, although their language was the same as hers. Inside, the man knelt by the tub tending to her was foreign also. Even the air felt different to breathe. Though, she conceded, that might just be her battered lungs.

Is this really what it’s like on the other side, she wondered.

I am outside the Walls.

She didn’t need reminding, but the voice in her head had been chanting the words persistently… Ever since she’d woken up that first time after Shiganshina.

She was angry, furiously so, at the voice for being of no use at all, but she’d learnt to welcome it in place of other things – thoughts that might creep in were it silenced.

She was outside the Walls. And the man’s ministrations, every scrub, every sweep of the washcloth over her skin, brought back fragments of her journey.

He’d started by carefully rubbing the mixture of dried vomit and tears from her face. Most of the journey had passed with her unconscious, but she had woken up disoriented, in excruciating pain, lying on her side in a box darker than the insides of her eyelids. It might have been fear, the agony from her burns, or the realisation that all had been lost. The slow, steady rocking sensation didn’t help. It made her feel like there was no solid ground beneath her. Made her organs feel as if they were sloshing around inside her, untethered.

She’d managed to vomit into a corner further away from the scratchy rag that served as her makeshift pillow, but it hadn’t made much difference when they simply put her under again to loll within the same confines.

The first time they had injected her was before the trunk, right after the battle. Seeing the syringe, she had screamed and thrashed, thinking they would turn her into a pure titan. It was the only function she’d ever associated with the needle, after all.

So stupid. They had all been so stupid, kept in the dark by these others who lived beyond the Walls. Who made titans. Who could make it so your body was paralysed even as your mind stayed wide awake.

Two of them had held her down while a third pierced the skin at the periphery of her injuries. She thought it might have been this man, the one now clinically scrubbing the grime off of her one unbandaged arm after thoroughly cleansing her hair and wrapping it in a towel.

She watched him absently as she tried to recall.

Those same hands. Large, sturdy, their backs dusted with fine golden hair. These were the hands that had meticulously picked the charred bits of leather and cotton from the sludge of her skin as she lay on the ground, unfeeling save for light tugs and twitches.

Back in the bathroom with walls that had no colour, the man spoke, but she didn’t hear him. He lifted the golden mop of his head to fix her with an expectant look. Behind the round wire-rimmed glasses, his eyes didn’t have a distinct colour either, nor any discernible affect. They could have been blue or green or a golden hazel, she couldn’t tell. But they held patient expectation.

He wanted her to lift her arm. She complied, and he washed under her arm and across her sternum and breasts, taking care to be thorough but gentle over her sensitive skin. Her raised arm quickly lost strength and gingerly, it drooped down to rest on his shoulder.

Water seeped through cotton fibres, making them cling to her skin and his. He didn’t seem bothered by it, only continuing – now beneath the water’s surface – his task of wiping away grime to reveal cuts and bruises instead. Cuts and bruises were manageable. But part of her, the part that wasn’t numb from shock, feared what was under the bandages on her left shoulder and upper arm. It wasn’t just burnt flesh. Or at least, not just her burnt flesh.

She feared what else had been lost in that explosion. That –

She took a rattling breath, a feeble attempt to gather herself.

I am outside the Walls.

The man looked up at her face again, hooded eyes regarding her.

“Does it hurt?”

What an absurd question. There was nothing in all of existence that didn’t hurt.

“Alright, now hold on tight,” he murmured, sliding his hands under her arms to lift her to her feet.

Water streamed from her body back into the tub, her stomach feeling as though it followed the same downward motion. Her legs wobbled, her grip on him tightening for stability. He waited until she steadied, his palms flat against her sides.

She glanced down at herself, being careful not to dislodge the towel folded atop her head. The lukewarm water had washed away most of the blood, but a significant amount remained, congealed and dried, between her legs and down the insides of her thighs.

The man knelt again, manoeuvring her so that both her hands rested firmly on his shoulders. With a hand supporting the back of her thigh, he lifted her leg and began cleaning her vulva. He seemed to have no reservations about a task so…delicate. The blood didn’t phase him either. He only muttered something about what an inconvenience menstruation must be during battle and the unfortunate choice of white uniform trousers.

Maybe he was a doctor.

She vaguely recalled that said trousers had been stuffed into a bag along with the rest of her clothes, presumably to be discarded.

She tried to tell him she wasn’t menstruating. She hadn’t, in almost three months. But speaking was difficult, and she decided it wasn’t worth the effort. Saying anything wouldn’t make a difference whatsoever.

Everything that mattered had been lost on either side of that broken gate to Shiganshina.

Everyone on that side of Shiganshina is dead.

That’s what they’d told her when she – a lone, badly injured scout – had challenged the retreating Cart Titan with a broken blade at the border of the city. The river’s current had carried her all the way there.

She wasn’t sure anymore who exactly had given her this information. Her thoughts were jumbled and muddy from all the chaos and drugs. There was the Cart Titan, and others. Traitors...

The Colossal Titan, she remembered. Berthold! That filthy lowlife of a traitor who had killed everyone in his devastating explosion. She would have been among them, had she not hurtled herself into the river, gear whirring at full speed.

She gazed down, swirls of brown and burgundy coiling around her knees where her legs disappeared beneath the murky water. Maybe it would have been better to die with them.

The thought felt oddly, comfortingly familiar.

When she had been scrubbed head to toe, the man straightened up and sighed as if he had just finished a long day of work at a desk.

He undid the towel on her head, using it to gently dry her hair and massage her scalp. Then he patted dry the rest of her body and helped her out of the tub, one leg at a time. He guided her by her right hand into the space that was the rest of the miserable dwelling.

The entire place was a square room with a crooked, boarded-up window beside the door, directly opposite the bathroom. There was a sink outside the bathroom, a mattress on the floor covered with a thin sheet, and a single rickety wooden chair. The rest of the furnishings, if you could call them that, were built into the walls like extensions of the building. There was a tall shelf and a counter about waist-high.

It was all so peculiar…and she just couldn’t bring herself to care.

She barely noticed him dressing her in a plain sleeveless shift. She only took note when he sat her on the trunk in which she’d been packed and began unwrapping her bandages, starting just below her elbow and working his way up. She flinched when he pulled on a section that had stuck to her skin.

His gaze flickered up to her face.

“Ah, apologies, Liebchen. I’m out of anaesthetics,” he said, cocking his head and reaching up to scratch his earlobe absentmindedly. “Be a brave girl for me, hm?”

He resumed the unwrapping, not expecting a response. This suited her just fine. She lost interest in what was being done to her, eyes glazing over as she stared into space.

“What’s your name, sweetheart?”

The change unsettled her.

He spoke often, right from the moment he had cracked open the lid of the trunk, going on about this and that. But he hadn’t tried to initiate conversation, never actually expected an answer from her. She wouldn’t have responded now, but some old part of her remained from a time when her name meant something – when declaring it meant claiming some power.

“M…”

She pressed her lips together to form the consonant, but they wobbled, unaccustomed to use.

“Mmm-” she tried again, the vibrations of the sound shaking her to the core and finally tipping her teetering body over the edge of nausea. She bent over, retching violently. Her stomach didn't have much to give, but bile splattered on the floor before her – and on his bare feet.

With a nonchalant sigh, he stood, fetching a mug and the towel he had just used on her from the bathroom. She panted and observed him as he moved, not rushing to clean up the mess but methodically wiping away the evidence of her sickness. His foot was lifted, inspected with a detached curiosity, then cleaned with the same painstaking precision.

"It really is quite something, isn't it?" he started, the silence broken once more with his rumbling baritone. "The human body, that is." His gaze remained on his task, fingers expertly swiping over the floor. "It’s such a complex and yet vulnerable thing. You, for example, are in the aftermath of a rather impressive display of resilience. Yet here we are, brought low by a simple biological response."

As he worked, he continued to chat away, his tone casual, as if they were merely two old friends catching up. The conversation remained decidedly one-sided, filled with his musings on the nature of humanity and the bitter-sweet paradoxes of life. He seemed entirely unbothered by the lack of response, perfectly content with the rhythm of his monologue in the background of his clean-up while she sat there, weak and broken.

"But I suppose that's just how things are, isn't it? We are always at the mercy of something, be it other people, circumstance, or even our own bodies. It’s a constant balance – the want to survive and the inevitability of our fragility."

Finally, the floor clean, he straightened. A casual glance in her direction was accompanied by a knowing smile. The towel he'd used to clean up her mess was rinsed, wrung out and hung up over the counter to dry. He returned to his earlier position in front of her. His tall, rugged form towered over her but not in a way that felt threatening. Despite everything, he was careful, almost reverential, as his fingers – dry and cool – worked gently on the dressing.

The bandages came away bit by bit, revealing angry burns and scorched flesh.

"Mmm," he hummed, more to himself than to her, dabbing at the worst of the burns with a clean, wet cloth. "These should have been attended to earlier. It seems I have a trip to make."

The observation was casual, almost conversational, but there was a calculated awareness in his eyes, an understanding of the predicament that lay beneath the seemingly offhand remark.

Throughout, his gaze would occasionally flicker to her, his eyes ever searching, but his touch remained unwaveringly gentle. "I'll need to head out soon. Get you some food and medicine. Painkillers. Ointments. Perhaps some fresh clothes." His voice had a velvety depth, a soothing counterpoint to the sharp sting of his ministrations. "We can’t have you staying in this state."

His words floated past her like wayward leaves on a stream, inconsequential and distant. She remained motionless, her gaze directed at the far corner of the room, unseeing. Her heart, mind, and body were cloaked in an impenetrable fog, only the occasional sharp tug on her wounds tethering her to reality.

He paused his task, looking up at her, his gaze focused and contemplative. "And, ah, sanitary items," he ventured. "You'll be needing those as well, won't you?"

The question accentuated the strange, invasive intimacy between them. But she simply shook her head, a feeble motion that hardly moved her. The hollowed-out shell of the woman she'd been managed to scrape together a faint whisper, "No."

She felt the momentary shift in pressure from where his hand held hers, a flash of something unidentifiable flitting across his features. Understanding? Pity? It was gone as soon as it came, his expression once again pleasantly, if unsuitably neutral behind his glasses.

“Alright,” was all he said, collecting the soiled dressing. The conversation was left to dwindle in the still air of the room, the silence wrapping around her once more like a blanket. Her response hung heavily in that silence, a harsh reminder of all that was lost.

#zeke jaeger #zeke yeager #zeke jaeger x oc #zeke x reader #aot #snk #attack on titan #levi ackerman #aot fanfiction #no y/n #original character #oc x canon #canon verse #canon compliant #yandere zeke #soft yandere #angst

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vante1920pm · 2 years ago

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──;; 𝐁𝐄𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐊𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐘 𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐁𝐎𝐒𝐒 ★☆

★ 𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲: i immediately fell in love with him the moment he popped up on screen

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

☆ 𝘀𝘆𝗻𝗼𝗽𝘀𝗶𝘀: being stalked ( and kind of harassed ) by takatora samura

☆ 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: last boss/gn!reader

☆ 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴: stalking, harassment

☆ 𝗿𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗱: no

- You first noticed him while meeting with a friend in a Café

You immediately recognized him, he was your neighbor. A quiet guy that you only saw occasionally.

You never had a conversation with him, but you noticed the glances, or more like, stares you got from him.

He was probably shy, that's what you thought.

You were out with your friend, just shit talking while drinking your favorite stuff.

You noticed him on the other side of the road, staring right into your eyes. He was just standing there, hands in his pocket, his back crouched, watching you.

You got goosebump when you met his eyes. They were wide open, as if he was confused or something. But they also had this weird glance in them.

You were sure you would avoid him in the future.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

- Watches you from his window

As if the Café situation wasn't enough, you saw him on the opposite of your house, watching you do your laundry from his window.

His apartment was right across from yours, letting you be able to see into his bedroom. But he also could look into yours...

Not rarely did you catch him there, staring at you while passing your window. It creeped you out, understandably.

You would just close the curtains, but you always still had this feeling of him watching you.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ

- Leaving you gifts outside your door

The first time you found something, you were surprised. You looked around, searching for whoever could've left this little box outside your door.

But after opening the present, it was painfully obvious. In there was a small plushy, holding a small heart, with a mini sword sticking in it.

Next to it was a note, only the letter T was written on it. But you already knew who this belonged to.

Takatora Samura.

You felt a heavy feeling on your shoulders, as if something was behind you. You turned around, facing your window, where the curtains were open.

And he was there. On the other side, watching you trough his own room, intensely staring at your form.

#── ›★ zekes aib headcanons #── ;; ( last boss ) 𓂃≛#── ;; ( takatora samura) 𓂃≛#alice in borderland #alice in boderland x reader #x reader #last boss #takatora samura #samura takatora #last boss x reader #angst #trigger warning #takatora samura x reader #aib #aib x reader #gn!reader #gn reader

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sveetnn · 2 years ago

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chef's kiss ✨ <33

Thanks for writing!!

This took me 5ever because my brain still hurts! sorry it sucks!!!

"Can you not smoke right now?"

Zeke pulls an even longer drag, pulling away to let the smoke seep from between his bared teeth. The sidewalk outside his apartment is empty besides you two and a collection of trashcans waiting for the morning. Even without summer heat, the stench is almost papable, hanging in the back of your throat.

"When did you become my fucking mother?" He flicks the butt to the ground and crushes it between his dark heel and the pitted concrete. He jams his hands into his pockets, shoulders hunched like the hackles on a dog, ready to bite.

Time may have sharpened his teeth, but it's done the same to yours.

"If I was your mother-" You pause, picking words you know you'll regret. This was supposed to be peaceful, and yet you're willingly starting a war- "I would have abandoned you years ago."

Zeke scoffs. Not a strong enough reaction to satisfy the worst part of you.

"Oh. sorry-- if I was your mom I would have sent you to military school and then abandoned you, right?"

Zeke looks up at you from over his glasses, eyes narrowed into slits. His jaw flexes, muscles working as he grits and simmers.

"God, you're such a cunt." His voice is tempered- a sign you hit the exposed nerve he never let heal. After a couple of breaths, something that always fuels the fire instead of calming him, the man straightens. "You'd be a shittiest mom."

Zeke grinds his heel into the ashes again. "And I know shitty moms, don't I?"

Usually, you could shrug his insults off, but this one sticks. He doesn't know yet, how all those tests came back positive, how the doctor gave you tiny pictures of the blob that's growing inside you.

You knew sleeping with your ex was a bad idea, you just didn't think the regret would be so physical.

"No, I wouldn't." The crack shocks him more than you.

"Are you fucking crying?" Zeke softens just a bit, more confused than anything else. You're horrified to realize he's right- tears have begun to bubble down your cheeks. You try to hide behind your hands, but the damage is done; he finds your arm, holding you by the crook of your bow as he dips to your height. "Hey, stop. Stop that. What are you doing?"

He takes your hands into his, manhandling your face free so he can see you properly. You forget that he's pretty under that personality, with deep set blue eyes and tussled blonde hair. His beard is no longer pure brown, but dusted with flecks of grey towards his temples. When he looks at you, it still feels like you're 16, talking to a boy that might love you.

"You've gone soft on me, girl," he clicks his teeth, affect still flat.

But you're not 16. You're fifteen years older than that, talking to a man who broken your heart too many times. The thought of him loving you no longer fills you with butterflies, but something heavier, the sinking feeling of lead in your gut.

"Zeke..."

He's hurt you and you've returned the favor, over and over again. Sometimes by accident, most of the time on purpose.

"What's wrong with you? You never cry over this shit." He throws in a shrug, "Why do you care about being a mom all or a sudden?"

Hands still held away from you, its all you can do to sniffle. As he waits, Zeke's face slowly drops as he thinks, paging through micro-expressions.

His eyes widen. He knows.

"Why do you care about being a mom all of a sudden?" he repeats, much more serious than before.

He knows and yet he waits for you to tell him otherwise.

"I'm pregnant."

The news hits him physically. Zeke recoils, dropping your arms to clutch at his hair, palms digging into his temples.

"Shit. Shit, that's-- it's--" He clears his throat. "It's mine?"

He knows you haven't been dating anyone else; the second anyone gets close, Zeke's there, dragging you back into his mess and back into his bed. That's what happened last month. That's how this happened.

"Yeah, it's yours. Unfortunately."

"Don't. Don't play like that right now." Zeke's head snaps to face you, lips curled in disgust. "I'm trying not to lose my fucking mind and I can't have you fucking insulting me-"

A sob you weren't expecting escapes you. The cocktail of hormones and stress has left you brittle, leaving you crumbling in its wake.

"I'm s-s-sorry," you hiccup, clutching at your face again, "I know you hate me-"

"Stop crying," he says, coming back to you. "I didn't say that, stop crying."

"Jesus Christ, it's fine." With a barely there tremble, Zeke wraps his arms around you and sighs. The wool lapel of his coat digs into your nose harder as he pulls you tighter, a semblance of real affect there. "I'm here, it's fine, it's fine. Just calm down."

"I don't know what I'm going to do," you whimper through hiccups and sniffles, wiping your face on his coat.

"Breathe or else you're gonna pass out." Zeke pats your back, stroking up and down in the way he knows you like. "You're being crazy. Is this really the end of the world?"

You scowl into him. "Fu-fuck you, you're such an asshole."

"There's my girl, there's my spitfire." Zeke presses his lips into the crown of your head, surprisingly chaste and sweet. He does it again, then again, arm locked around your shoulders and chin pressed into your forehead. After a long moment of being locked to him, he begins to sway, pressing one leg against yours to force you backwards. The give and take guides you, pushing you towards his place.

The shuffle is awkward and slow, but the man never lets you part from him, even as he struggles with the lock. You try not to let it comfort you, you try not to fall for him again, but his breath against the crown of your head sends chills down your spine.

Maybe he loves you, deep down somewhere.

The apartment is dark, illuminated by flashes and thrums of light. Eren is sprawled on the couch, headset half off of his head. He barely looks up from his game, throwing a nod your way. You nod back and hope the dim hides your tears.

"Oh, hey." The young adult pushes his mic out of this face, "Z, are we still going to order pizza, or-?"

Zeke shoots him a look.

"Alright, I'll fucking order it, damn."

You're quickly ushered back to Zeke'a room. It looks how it always does- clean, if not barren. You're finally let go, Zeke's arm falling away as you shuffle towards the bed. The man is already rummaging through his closet, pulling out the two extra pillows he keeps there for you.

"Lay down." He joins you there, puffing up the down and piling them the way you like. When you don't immediately obey, he gestures towards it, almost urgent, "Come on."

The conversation you need to have dies on your lips. Both of you stand there, the sound of Eren's game permeating through the thin walls. Tears still stain your cheeks, but the hysteria seems to have stopped for now.

"You want to have it, don't you?" Zeke says.

You nod.

"I figured. You always wanted a kid." The blonde flops down on to the mattress and you follow, spread out of what used to be your side. maybe it still is. "Just didn't think it'd be my kid."

"You don't have to be involved, Zeke."

His boots are muddied at the heels, staining the practically pristine comforter with red clay. Your own shoes aren't much better; the laces are undone and soggy, trailing halfway to the floor.

"I'm not a dead beat." His hand finds yours and squeezes. "I'm a shitbag, but I'm not a dead beat. I'll be here."

That doesn't mean anything. There's no plan, no certainty, no promises- but it makes you feel better regardless. Zeke has never been a good man, but he's always been good to you when it mattered the most.

"Do you think it's a boy or a girl?" he says.

"I think it's a genderless blob of cells right now." you reply, "So it probably looks just like you."

He shoots you a look, not unlike the one he gave Eren.

"You can laugh now, but you're going to be irate when our child looks more like me than you."

Zeke'a hand squeezes tighter and you squeeze back.

#zeke jäger #zeke yaeger x reader #pregnancy #angst #eva's sugar apple ✿#pregnancy/children

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zekescherries · 2 months ago

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﹒ LEFT BEHIND! ﹔ ft ＃ zeke yeager ﹐ 🍒 ﹒　　 ׅ 　

CONSPECTUS﹕a living reminder of what he sacrificed, of what he left behind in pursuit of a "saving" opportunity for the eldian people.

PAIRING﹕zeke yeager × female!reader ﹒ post-rumbling

CHAPTER(S)﹕previous ﹒ next

CONTENT WARNING﹕pregnancy & childbirth (mentioned) + grieving + single-parenthood + slight ptsd + dead!zeke + dark themes + pet names (zeke calls you peach) (i know not everyone is for pet names) + intentional lowercase & more as the story progresses

AUTHOR'S NOTE﹕this chapter might seem a little lazy, because it's mostly dialogue. also ignore any spelling mistakes, i didn't reread this. 😞

"is it good?" levi asks, watching veil sit next to him at the table and eat.

"sour."

levi sighs, he didn't expect much from her. especially with the way he cooks. he lets his cold calloused hand just rest on top of her head for a minute. "just eat, okay? i'm not sending you back to your mother hungry." after a moment he retracts it, sitting up properly in his wheelchair.

"okay!" veil doesn't even protest, digging into her food, only pausing to blow on it.

the two sit in peace, enjoying their meal and each other's company. that is until veil jumps in her seat, the loud crash of a tree falling to the ground scaring her.

levi's eyes dart to the window, the stained glass showing a cloudy picture of a fallen tree, an axe lodged deep into its bark. "why'd they cut down that tree?" veil puts her plate down, arms stretched just above the table.

"who knows,"

"stay here. i'll be back."

veil sees levi off, watching him get up from his wheelchair and walk deeper into the house. she always thought of him as unable to walk but it seems as if he can, burdened only by a limp. veil can't shake her inquisitiveness. her eyes fixated on the window, although she can barely see through hot from this angle.

curiosity kills the cat, they say.

veil covers her eyes, the sun blinding her only temporarily. she squints, the far left lays the tree. it's not nearly as big as the crash made it seem.

a woman, as tall as any man, gold blond hair. like veil's own.

"um. . .excuse me?" veil's voice softens, a tinge of nervousness creeping up on her. she had never seen this woman before, yet here she was, so close to levi's house.

when she turns veil's platinum irises bore into the stranger's deep black eyes. they look so dead, so endless. until they don't.

"you. . ."

"ah . . ."

"no wonder she. . ."

a spark flares in this woman's eyes, as if she had seen something supernatural. something great.

"hello there." she purses her lips, a smirk creeping on her face. veil only waves, her face a bit off-putting.

"what's your name?" a question she so desperately needed an answer too.

"veil."

"veil, that's a. . .lovely name for such a lovely girl."

"i'm yelena." she introduces, her hand outstretched to the girl. it seemed as though yelena, this mysterious woman was adamant on making conversating with the girl now despite only just meeting her.

veil takes her hand, though small and shakes it.

curiosity kills the cat, they say

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mrs-weasley-reid · 10 months ago

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TRICKY BLUNDER

Spencer Reid x exbau!reader ↳ part 1 here

Synopsis: Mistakes always reveal what the heart really craves. And Spencer wasn't an exception as he desperately makes things right with you. Word Count: almost 4k WARNING: a sprinkle of angst and a cup of fluff. a few curse words. A/N: had two drafts, but this made the most sense in my head. not my gif ctto :)

You gave Spencer a curt nod, "Hey."

Spencer's chest tinged at the sight of your smile. The kind of smile that gave him the impression that you two were absolutely fine and back to normal.

Hotch invited you to assist on the case that's been keeping the entire BAU team stressed out for the past three days. He thought you'd be a great help in increasing the team's morale and, of course, on the case.

Spencer took your arrival as a good sign. It has only been a month since you left the BAU. Maybe you'd change your mind and come back to the team. Besides, you wouldn't have joined them if you were still mad at him, right?

He thought he was getting ahead of himself. He knew he was getting ahead of himself. Taking the tiniest detail of your simple nod and civil smile into a desperate hope.

Your last exchange has been eating Spencer alive. The fallout repeatedly played out inside his head over and over in hopes that he could change the ending. He couldn't. Even an average person knew that they could never change what's been done.

You, on the other hand, did not dwell on your interaction with Spencer. In fact, as soon as you gave him some sort of acknowledgment, you immediately jumped in on a conversation with Emily. You were only being polite. It was in your nature.

If you were given the chance to boast, you would've said Hotch was almost begging you to help with the case. But you kept the idea to yourself and arrived with fresh sets of eyes. After all, the case specifically needed your specialty: human trafficking and victimology.

And fresh sets of eyes, you did bring.

While the others were occupied giving you a warm welcome, an arm suddenly wrapped around your shoulders, taking everyone by surprise, Spencer the most.

"I barely found parking," A man said to you in almost a whisper but loud enough for everyone to hear and gawk about.

Your eyebrows narrowed, "You're an FBI agent. How hard could it be to show your badge and get a spot?" You queried, forgetting about an entire team right in front of you.

The man grinned, "I wanted to prove I could find a spot without my toy." He spoke with you with such ease, as if you've known each other for years.

You rolled your eyes and shook your head. If you only weren't in public, you would've smacked your forehead from the utter disbelief you felt. That's when you remembered that it wasn't just the two of you.

"Oh, shoot! I mean…" You gestured at the man next to you, "Guys, meet Agent Ezekiel." You went on to briefly explain that you offered Hotch another pair of hands to help with the case, thus the agent's appearance.

Although you were clear about Ezekiel's purpose, everyone couldn't help but take note of his arm around you. The only man they saw wrap their arm around your shoulders was Emily during an undercover operation, where she pretended to be a guy.

Spencer was not a fan.

"And Zeke, meet the behavioral analysis unit. Agents Hotchner, Rossi, Jareau, Prentiss, Morgan, and… Dr. Reid." You introduced them accordingly, paying attention to each one of the agents.

"Mr. Genius! Nice to finally meet you! I've heard so much about you." Ezekiel exclaimed, stretching a hand out to Spencer.

Spencer stared at the hand in front of him, "Clearly not enough." He lifted his hands out of his back pockets only to transfer them to the front pockets. "And it's Dr. Reid."

He couldn't help but shift his focus between you and the obnoxious arm on your shoulders. He wasn't exactly certain why he was feeling that way. He guessed it had something to do with the fact that he didn't get the chance to speak with you.

Ezekiel looked at his hand and retracted it with a shrug. He leaned against you, "You said he was fun." His face was of pure confusion.

You lightly shoved his face away from you, removing his arm on your shoulders in the process. "I promise, he's more helpful than he looks." You had the mistake of looking at Spencer as you spoke with a playful smile, immediately diverting your gaze to anyone else but him.

The reflexive habit was still present. You always had a knack for aiming for Spencer's approval of your humor. After years of trying to make him laugh in spite of feeling depressed about Maeve, adjusting your humor to align with his became second nature.

Spencer found himself smiling a bit at the millisecond of attention you gave him. He missed it. He missed you.

If the universe was giving him a sign, you standing in front of him was one big slap of a sign. This was his chance to make things right with you.

He'd do anything to make it up to you.

His first attempt was to join any conversation you had with anyone on the team. He tried. He really tried to get your attention, but somehow, before he could even breathe a word out, Ezekiel pops out of nowhere and takes up all your attention.

"Why can't you do it yourself?" You groaned yet stood up from your seat. Spencer wished you didn't.

Ezekiel ruffled your hair, "Less complaining, more doing. You lost the bet, remember?" He laughed, leaning against his seat.

Derek swore he saw Spencer's eye twitch inside out after seeing Ezekiel ruffle your hair.

You stomped out of the conference room, mumbling, "Stupid bet," under your throat.

"You would've beaten Morgan up if he asked you the same thing."

You jumped out of shock, spilling a bit of the hot water on the counter. Spencer followed you out, standing awkwardly next to you. You silently wiped the water off the counter and quickly stirred the cup.

With one last tap of the spoon on the edge of the cup, you turned to Spencer, "Just be glad it wasn't you." You deadpanned, walking away without giving him the chance to say a word.

First attempt: failed.

You clearly weren't in the mood to speak with him, especially when you hadn't gotten your usual coffee. You hated precinct coffee to the bone. Thus, you tortured yourself from lack of caffeine and exhaustion.

This sparked Spencer's second attempt to gain your friendship back: offer you coffee. Your coffee order has been in the back of his mind for the past month. It turns out he liked your odd coffee concoction after finding himself with two cups of coffee every morning the first two weeks you were gone.

The first two days were purely out of habit. The rest were out of the delusion that you'd be sitting on your old desk when he gets in the office.

So, he could only imagine the dejection when you arrived the next morning with an unfamiliar coffee order and bright laughter as you told Ezekiel how his coffee order had changed your life for the better.

Spencer constantly expressed his disapproval. Of course, you weren't happy about it. What was worse was you didn't know why. And worse than that, he couldn't figure out why.

Or so he thought.

As soon as he found an opening, Spencer pulled you into the side. He brought the two of you into an empty interrogation room.

"What are you doing?" You snatched your arm from his grip. You weren't stupid. You noticed Spencer's fixation for your attention. You did your best to be civil, but he was making it very difficult for you.

"You've barely been in the ViCAP unit, and you're already smitten with your superior. I think it's safe to say it does not look good on you. You don't even know whether he's a decent guy." Spencer gulped. He knew exactly how stupid he sounded.

You blinked loudly and chuckled, "So?"

Spencer straightened his back and averted his eyes away from yours, "So… I suggest you…" He trailed off. He didn't plan this far. He should've planned farther than this. It wasn't exactly very clever of him, and your glare made him dumb.

"Suggest me what?" You crossed your arms on your chest. When Spencer didn't speak for fifteen seconds, you continued, "You have no right to tell me what looks good for me. Or anything about me. You made that pretty clear, Reid. Stick with it."

You purposely bumped into his shoulder on your way out, leaving him dumbfounded and dry-mouthed.

His chest felt tight as if a hand was clenching it into the tiniest crumple of paper. He closed his eyes in agony as he whispered, "Damn it," running his fingers through his hair.

With the 187 IQ he's been bragging about, he couldn't imagine his own disappointment when he failed to realize his feelings for you.

You have been nothing but kind to him. When he was grieving, you were the only one he wanted to confide in. You were the only one who could make him smile. The only one who could make him laugh with an average humor. The one that made painful things less miserable.

And without him knowing, he fell for your kind smiles and warm company.

He became addicted to you.

Spencer did his best to avoid it, but he couldn't help himself. How could someone not fall for someone amazing like you? Clearly not him.

Your friendship felt more important to him, though. It always was. It was too important that he spent his time finding a fix for his infatuation. Shoving his growing feelings for you as if it were a crime.

But you just couldn't let him not fall for you. You didn't even try. You were just you, and he was just one of your willing victims. It was inevitable.

The deeper he fell for you, the more he wanted not to.

He was a weakling, a stupid coward, and irrevocably in love with you.

So, was he disappointed that you fell for the genius prodigy? Or was he disappointed that he never realized how deep he'd fallen for you until you left?

The next day was Spencer's worst nightmare.

You were at gunpoint.

Close and yet so far.

"Come any closer, and I'll shoot her!" The unsub shouted, holding you by the neck with his arm wrapped around it.

Spencer felt his hands clammy. You were too close to the unsub for him to find an opening. Backup was still a few minutes away. He didn't know what to do.

He took a deep breath, "No one needs to get hurt. Just let her go, and we can talk this out." He kept his gun pointed at the unsub.

He made sure you knew that. He never wanted you to think that he'd ever point a gun at you, even if you weren't already.

The unsub's grip tightened around your neck, and you could barely manage to let out a gasp. Tears began to spill from your eyes as air dissipated from your lungs. Your consciousness was hanging by a thread.

"Shut the hell up!" The unsub shifted the tip of his gun towards Spencer. He glanced at you and at Spencer's pleading face. He laughed, "If you let me go, I'll make sure someone rich buys her. You don't have to worry. I'll make sure they treat her well."

"Don't!" You choked, "Don't listen to him, Spence!" You were stammering, almost unable to form words.

Hearing you call him by his first name for the first time in a while gave Spencer a concussion. A string of déjà vu coursed through his body. Spencer was more terrified than he already was. He couldn't lose you again. He couldn't go through it again.

You could see it in his eyes. You knew that look from miles away. You've seen the same look etched in the deepest vault in your mind. The only thing was, you never imagined that you'd ever be the reason for it.

And just as you always have… you chose him.

You focused on his brown eyes. You took a deep breath and met Spencer's gaze, "Take the blunder."

His eyes widened. He felt his heart quicken. Spencer vigorously shook his head, tightening his grip on his gun.

After spending time together in his gloomy apartment, you and Spencer found enjoyment in playing chess. A few phrases stuck to heart, inside jokes that filled both of you with mindless giggles.

What used to be a funny term turned into something Spencer feared the most at that moment.

You were asking him to shoot you.

"No! I won't do that!" Spencer shouted, shaking his head to the point of dizziness. There must be another way. He needed to find another way to save you.

"What the fuck are you two talking about?!" The unsub pointed the gun back at your temple. This time, he made sure you felt the cold metal on your skin.

Both you and Spencer knew that the unsub was too far gone to be reasonable. Your plan was the only plan that'd work. He had to shoot you and let the bullet through to hit the unsub down. Of course, it wasn't a perfect one.

But it'd save many lives and his, and you were content with that idea alone. Except Spencer wasn't.

You closed your eyes, "Spencer, do it!" You begged, suffocating. "Take the fucking blunder! Now!"

Spencer didn't notice his watery eyes, fixing his vision solely on you. His hands were shaking. His body was ice cold. He could hear you and your fading breath. He aimed his gun at your shoulder, steadying his stance.

A bright flash and two loud strikes prompted you and the unsub to fall to the floor.

Hotch came into view across Spencer, pointing his gun to where the unsub used to chokehold you.

Spencer flew to your side, taking you in his arms as sobs spilled out of his lips. "No, no, no, no. Not again, no. Please, no." He brushed the hair off your face, holding your cheek.

A chuckle curved the ends of your lips, "You're a horrible shot." Your eyes were still closed as you felt a small sting on your shoulder grow as it bled out.

His breath hitched. Spencer chuckled a cry as he pulled you into a hug. It was so tight and yet gentle enough to let you catch your breath. "I thought I was going to lose you," He whispered. You never thought Spencer would ever hug you tighter than he already was. "I didn't— I don't want to lose you."

Soon, Spencer had to let you go as the paramedics came to your aid. They dragged you out where everyone waited in anticipation.

Ezekiel was the first to run to you, "You alright?" He replaced Spencer's spot on your side.

"I'll live," you shrugged, regretting it immediately as you felt a painful shock travel from your shoulder. You cursed under your breath.

"Stop moving, dumbass." Ezekiel scolded, turning to the paramedics and asking them if there was any way he could help.

Spencer felt empty at the sight. His heart shattered at the sight of someone else taking care of you. But compared to Ezekiel, he had no chance. And it broke Spencer even more.

But that didn't mean he couldn't try to befriend you.

So he chose friendship. He always did, after all.

He visited you the next morning, the first one to arrive as soon as visiting hours began.

"Hey," Spencer flashed a thin smile.

You placed the book you were reading down on your lap, returning his smile, "Hey."

This time, Spencer knew you weren't just being polite. It made his heart swell from relief. He still had a chance to make things right.

He walked inside the room, placing a small bouquet of white daisies on the bedside table. Spencer pointed at your book, "I have a book just like that." He started, attempting to make casual conversation.

"It's actually yours," You flipped the pages, revealing thousands of annotations. You only knew one person who did that. "It was my favorite. I couldn't let it go…" You gently wiped the cover.

George Orwell's 1984 novel was the first book Spencer ever lent you. As you packed your stuff from your old desk, you couldn't help but pick up one book to keep.

Spencer looked around, "Where's Agent Ezekiel?" He wondered out loud. Maybe too loud. The name rolled off his tongue with subtle disgust. He felt conflicted about the guy's absence from your side but was also relieved that he got to have you to himself.

"He's talking to my aunt," You replied nonchalantly, refraining yourself from shrugging.

His eyebrows furrowed, "Your aunt? Don't you mean your mom?"

You shook your head, looking at him oddly. "Last I heard, Zeke's my cousin, not my brother."

Spencer's eyebrows lifted over his forehead, "Ah, right. Yeah, that'd be weird…" He gave his best to sound casual while he internally screamed in his head. If only he could do a somersault without breaking every bone in his body and looking stupid, he would.

"Imagine the horror," You scoffed, bringing the book up to continue reading.

He watched you silently for a moment. He never knew why he thought a friend was all he was ever going to see you as. It must be the stupidest idea he's ever had.

Spencer bit his lower lip, his hands clenched on the side of your bed, "I—" He bit his tongue, unsure how to continue or how to start.

You turned to him with raised eyebrows, "Hmm? D'you say something?" You closed the book, giving him all the attention he has been dying to get for the past week.

"I—uh…" He swallowed the lump in his throat, "I know it's way too late to say this, but," Spencer wet his lips and met your gaze, "I'm sorry for being a jerk and—"

"It's okay, Spence," You smiled, cutting him off. "I did throw my feelings at you out of nowhere, so I kind of understand—"

Spencer cut you off, "Still doesn't it make it right for me to be an asshole. It's not like you—"

You shook your head, "But I was being unreasonable. I had no right to stop you from—"

It was like a game. Both of you kept cutting each other off like an indecisive scale.

Spencer couldn't take it anymore and grabbed your face, giving you a quick, soft kiss on your lips. "Just shut up for a second…" His breath fanned on your face, "Please…" He rested his forehead on yours and began to speak as soon as he felt you nod. "I'm sorry for being a jerk. I'm sorry for reacting like a coward. And I'm sorry for being stupid." He spoke in a rush as if he knew you'd talk over him as soon as you had the chance to.

"I'm sorry I said I was disappointed in you. I made a blunder…" You laughed at his joke. "I thought if I turned you down, I'd never have to worry about losing you. I was obviously wrong." He playfully rolled his eyes, only widening your grin. "I was falling for you, and I chickened out—"

You felt giddy. You couldn't stop the grin on your face. Your eyes couldn't help but stare at his lips. You did your best to listen to his sweet words, but damn were you easily distracted by him.

Apologies after apologies, sweet words after sappy sentiments. You grew too impatient. He was talking too much.

"Spencer, just say you love me and kiss me," You interjected, pulling his shirt to get him closer.

He laughed softly. A sound that made your heart skip a beat. He caressed your cheek with his thumb, tilting your head higher.

"I love you… I'm in love with you."

Spencer felt so good to finally admit it: to you and to himself. He pulled you in once more and kissed you again, longer this time.

He couldn't get enough of it, enough of you. He only pulled away when a nurse came in to check on you, blushing like a red beet.

Not a second after, his phone rang. The team was looking for him and wondering where he was, emphasizing the fact that they were to fly in forty minutes.

Spencer went back into the room, low-spirited. He didn't want to leave you just yet. You had barely forgiven him, and he barely knocked some sense into his stubborn head. He wanted to stay and make up for the month he'd missed.

But duty calls, so he sat silently as the jet took off the runway, fiddling with the loose string on his cuff. A snapping sound pulled him out of his trance.

"Reid," Derek called out as he sat on the left seat across Spencer. "How'd it go?" Derek queried.

"How'd what go?" Spencer's eyebrows raised. What could Derek possibly mean?

Derek looked at him as if Spencer was crazy, "You said you'd go to the hospital to get your migraine checked out. Is everything alright?"

JJ heard their conversation, turning on her seat, "Didn't you get checked out last week? Is it getting worse?" She worriedly asked, joining the discussion.

Spencer's ears turned pink as he quickly glanced at JJ, "Y-yeah... I mean, no. I'm fine." He stuttered, clearing his throat.

Emily squinted at the boy genius' stutter. She wasn't as smart as him, but she knew him well enough to know when he was lying. "Which hospital did you go to?" She raised her eyebrows.

"The... one on..." Spencer wasn't prepared to take the hot seat. His mind was still clouded by the thought of you. It was like he was under the influence, unable to get his head straight.

"The one where she's staying?" Emily prompted.

"Yeah, the one where she's staying—wait who?" Spencer was taken aback.

Emily grinned, catching a glimpse of a purple hue on Spencer's skin hiding behind his collar. "I think he's fine," She told JJ and Derek. He looked at Spencer, "You're fine, right?"

Spencer hesitantly nodded his head.

Derek's eyebrows knitted, "What are you on about?" He turned to Emily, who was sitting next to him.

"When you're stressed out, what do you usually do?" Emily raised her hand before letting Derek answer, "With Savannah." She smirked.

"Damn, Prentiss. I didn't know you were that curious about my sex life." Derek replied sarcastically.

"No," Emily smacked her forehead. She decided not to explain herself any further. She looked at the genius across him, "So, how is she?" When Spencer gave her a confused look, she rolled her eyes, "Oh, please. Stop acting like you didn't just make out with her."

Spencer looked down and giggled silently. Busted. It was your fault, really. Before he left, you made sure to turn his frown upside down and did it so well that his mind was malfunctioning from the memory of your lips, leaving marks on his chest.

"She's fine. The doctor said she'd be able to fly home in a few days." Spencer replied giddily.

Emily smirked, "Yeah, I bet she's fine, alright." She pointed at Spencer's tie, enough hint for Derek and JJ to catch up in the conversation.

"My man," Derek's grinned.

JJ's eyes widened, and her mouth was slightly agape. "So, are you two made up?"

Spencer nodded, "Yeah... just a tricky blunder."

reid masterlist | masterlist

#spencer reid #spencer reid imagine #ssa spencer reid #dr spencer reid #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid series #spencer reid x reader #criminalminds #criminal minds #spencer reid angst

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bluebeary-jay · 2 years ago

Text

Let me (put my lips to somethin')

Joel Miller x f!Reader

Summary: 5 times you wanted to kiss Joel, and 1 time it actually happened (or: your relationship with Joel over the years)

Tags: 5+1 babeyyy, VERY self-indulged (i just want this man to call me his babygirl 😫), FLUFF, tooth-rotting fluff even, a bit of angst, age gap, PINING, i could write several fics out of this but no we're doing 5+1! also reader has she/her pronouns (i tried not to but at some point it was getting difficult not to use any :( sorry guys)

Warnings: descriptions of violence and wounds, cursing, getting drunk, David (which is a warning in itself), allusions to SA (but nothing happens)

Word count: ~9.4K (jesus i really got carried away im not doing that again for at least some time)

A/N: i am baack!! i finally had time to finish this monster and i guess it's ready to post <3 i absolutely ADORE 5+1 fics and always wanted to write one on my own. so here it is!! hope you enjoy because i loved writing it

1. boston qz

You bit your forearm harder, trying to hold back the tears of pain. The man kneeling in front of you glanced up.

“Bite the sleeve of your jacket. Otherwise they’re gonna think you’re infected and shoot you on sight.”

You didn’t answer but nodded, knowing that he was right. Holding your breath for a moment, you took a handful of the material and bit down on it, shutting your eyes tightly. The excruciating pain in your leg was hard enough to endure, but for the first place with it competed an absolutely unbearable look of poorly concealed pity (which you initially took for irritation) on the face of Tess’ friend.

It was through her that you met Joel. At the beginning he wasn’t very keen about letting you work with them but slowly warmed up to your presence – at least as much as a man like Joel could. Most of the time he was grumbling and, in all fairness, looking slightly angry but you’ve soon understood that he’s actually a pretty good guy. Caring. Funny, if he lets you see this side of him. Also really fucking handsome, but that was beside the point.

The job was supposed to be an easy one – just meet with a couple of Zeke’s people, pick up the smuggled items and exchange them for some meds and ammunition. However, none of you expected some random rogue group to ambush you on your way back and attempt to steal the cargo.

Tess has managed to get away just before soldiers showed up, alerted by the sound of gunfire way past the curfew. Before they could spot any of you, Joel quickly pulled you into one of the nearby buildings after one of the strangers slashed your thigh, leaving you unable to run.

So now here you were. Bleeding from your leg and making a pathetic crybaby out of yourself before the very eyes of the man you respected and lowkey had a small crush on.

Speaking of whom, Joel gave you a look of sympathy before squeezing the stapler handle again, ejecting another staple into your skin. You tensed and a broken cry escaped your lips, your breathing rapid.

“It’s alright,” he murmured, putting his other hand on your knee and rubbing slightly. “Just two more and you’ll be good to go.”

You breathed out a humorless laugh and wiped your face, sniffling.

“Just get on with it. This is way more embarrassing than it should be.” In the corner of your eye you saw him look up. He didn’t move the hand in which he held the staple gun yet, so you took this moment to steady your breath and slumped against the wall. “You probably think it’s pretty pathetic, but in my defense I never had such a gash closed with staples like that.”

“M’not thinkin’ that,” he retorted and you blew a raspberry.

“Sure. Tess told me about some of your forays, you know? You could probably get run over by a damn tank and walk it off like it’s nothing.”

Joel was silent for some time. You wiped your cheeks and motioned for him to eject the last staples at the edge of the deep cut in your thigh. He mumbled to you to get ready and you took a deep breath, bracing yourself for the pain.

It hurt like hell and you couldn’t help the tears flowing from your eyes, but soon enough it was over.

The sound of shouting from outside drew your attention from the pain in your leg for a couple of seconds. You tensed up, listening intently if the soldiers weren’t busting in the building you were in, but the noises soon went past you.

“Y’know, if my brother was here, he’d have told you about the first time I had a wound stitched outside of the controlled conditions,” Joel spoke up unexpectedly, unpacking his backpack in search of clean bandages. “I nearly bit off my thumb when he was tryin’ to sew my foot back together.”

You couldn’t help but snort at his confession and he glanced at you from the corner of his eye with a slight smirk.

“Is that true?”

Joel huffed with fake indignation and lifted his left hand to your eyes, twisting it so that the dim light from outside illuminated the side of it. Above and below the small bone at the base of his thumb appeared very light and irregular lines. You looked at his face with an unbelieving smile.

“When was that?”

“Ah… Just before the outbreak, I’d say.”

“And what happened to your foot?”

“Construction work. I don’t remember exactly what that was.”

“But how hard did you have to chomp down on your thumb for it to be still visible?” you asked, laughing, to which he chuckled and shrugged.

“Hey, don’t judge. If it was Tommy who was fixin’ your leg, you’d probably end up without a couple of fingers too, just for good measure.”

He found the bandage and motioned for you to straighten your leg at the knee. You watched him carefully as he looked over your bare thigh and the (not very pretty to look at) sutured wound. The leg of your pants was cut and tossed away earlier so that Joel could stitch you up freely.

“So you have a brother. Is he really that bad at treating wounds?” you asked to distract yourself from the awkwardness of the whole situation, though Joel seemed surprisingly calm.

“He got better with time,” your colleague answered and then looked up at you. “But I didn’t tell you this to bitch about Tommy’s skills.”

“Oh?” you nudged him with your other leg. “So what moral should I draw from this story?”

You clearly saw him suppressing a smile when he shook his head lightly.

“Don’t feel bad that it hurts,” he murmured and the snicker disappeared from your lips. “I’ve seen looks like the one on your face plenty before. It’s a fuckin’ big gash, I’d be worried if you didn’t show any signs of pain.”

You couldn’t come up with any snarky remarks and just blinked when Joel sent you a quick, if not a bit self-conscious, smile, like he wasn’t used to reassuring someone else.

“The fact that you let your tears flow doesn’t make you any weaker,” he said even quieter than before. You still weren’t answering and he cleared his throat, apparently growing uncomfortable with your silence, then grabbed the bottle of alcohol. “I’m gonna pour some of that shit over your wound again. It’ll sting a bit.”

You observed without a word how he cleansed the gash and started to wind the bandage around your thigh.

Weirdly enough, you also noticed that you couldn’t stop glancing at his lips.

*****

2. bill and frank’s

“No. I said no, come back here!”

Giggles erupted from you as Joel tried (and failed) to grab you when you jumped over the couch. He sighed deeply as you made eye contact with him and, with a provocative smile, drank up the rest of the bottle before putting it down on the nearby table. The man looked so disappointed and done with you, it only made you laugh louder in your drunken state.

You two were staying for a couple of days at Bill and Frank’s heavenly place, which you looked forward to for weeks now. Originally Tess was supposed to go with you but there was a last-minute change of plans, and you made the journey alone with Joel. Not counting a few infected you stumbled upon on your way here, your venture was quite nice and after a delightful dinner with your hosts, you sneaked into Joel’s room with the bottle of wine Frank gave you and the stuff you smuggled yourself.

Joel didn’t seem to be having as much fun as you, though.

“I’m never drinkin’ with you again,” he muttered, sitting heavily on the couch with a grunt. You faked a pout, leaning over his head upside down and almost losing your balance.

“You’re grouchy because the stuff you brought tasted like shit.”

“And yet you drank most of it.”

“I didn’t,” you slurred, waltzing round the couch and grinning. “I’m feelin’ great.”

“Be careful or you’ll pick up my accent you so like pokin’ fun of.”

You snorted and flopped on the seat next to him. “Mhm, m’feelin’ fine and dandy,” you grumbled in the deepest voice you could make, ridiculously imitating his Texas drawl. “Yee-haw.”

“You’re the fuckin’ worst,” sighed Joel with exasperation but you could see a crooked smile tugging on his lips. You beamed and plopped down, laying your head on his lap. He peeked at you with his brows raised. “What are you doin’ now, you little devil?”

“Just resting,” you answered. The lamp behind Joel was blinding you with its light, so you covered your eyes with your hand to shield them. “Is that uncomfy for you? Do you want me to get up?”

“Nah. You can stay for a minute.”

As if wanting to make sure you won’t try to stand up, he laid his hand on your hair, brushing some of it to the back. You hummed and shivered when he gently scratched one specific spot on your scalp, and instinctively tilted your head, chasing his touch.

Joel snorted.

“You look like a goddamn cat.”

“Shut up,” you murmured in response, a small smile adoring your face. “It feels nice.”

You opened your eyes and once again shielded them from the lamp. Joel moved his head slightly to the side to block out the bothersome stimulus, causing you to giggle again.

“It looks like you have a halo ’round your head.” You lifted your arm and made a circle, brushing the side of his face when your hand plopped back down limply on your stomach. The older man huffed a smile, looking away to glance around the room.

“I’ll be really surprised if you remember anythin’ of what you’re sayin’ tomorrow.”

��Gimme a break,” you grumbled with a smile, not taking your eyes off him. Your hand raised itself to his face again, as if on its own accord, and brushed lightly the corner of his mouth and the stubble on his cheek. “It looks pretty.”

His brown irises flickered to you before he averted his gaze. With a hum you withdrew your hand and closed your eyes, your mind getting woozy from alcohol and tiredness.

Joel’s fingers were still running through your hair gently and you really hoped you’d remember it in the morning.

*****

3. road, somewhere in missouri

You had no idea how long you had been driving.

Ellie was asleep in the back seat and Joel was getting some well-deserved shut-eye after you volunteered to sit behind the wheel several hours ago. The clock on the dashboard was showing 4:07 and you planned on driving until the sun started to rise, then switching places with Joel.

That is, if you manage to stay awake.

You tried to drink some of the coffee Joel prepared beforehand to wake yourself up but it tasted horrible, leaving a too bitter taste on your tongue. Once you catched yourself closing your eyes for a second longer than intended and the car started to veer off course before you corrected it.

Yes, you were aware driving in this kind of state was extremely stupid, but you knew Joel was anxious to find his brother and drop Ellie off with the Fireflies as soon as possible. And you knew that if you wake him up he’ll insist on driving for the rest of the way himself, ignoring his own needs and exhaustion.

You risked a look to the side at his sleeping form. He had his arms crossed over his chest and his head propped against the headrest. Honestly, it looked like the man was just pretending to nap – his body seemed uptight, as if he was ready to spring into action at any second.

And he looked beautiful with his face bathed in the gray light of early morning. Like a painting you’d gladly admire for hours.

You sighed and cracked your neck, focusing on the road ahead of you. Several more hours to go. There was a gas tank in the back of the car, so you didn’t have to worry about that, and if you remembered correctly the map you and Joel studied earlier, you should get close to some bigger city in the late afternoon. Joel wanted to take the side roads and you agreed, but your supplies… Did you have enough of them? And what was the name of that city again…?

A hand grabbed the wheel and gently straightened the course when without you noticing the car started to veer too much to the left again.

You emerged from your reverie immediately and looked to the right at Joel who was now wide awake.

“You alright?” he asked with concern, and his voice had this enticing, raspy drawl to it that told you he really dozed off for a while.

“I’m so sorry,” you said quickly but quietly, not wanting to wake Ellie up. “I’m fine, promise.”

He eyed the tiredness on your face and the tight grip you had on the wheel.

“If you need to get some rest–”

“No, no, no. I can go on. Sorry you had to wake up.”

Joel grunted and stretched in the small space in the front seat and you tried really hard not to stare at how he craned his neck or at the way his muscles tensed, or at the strip of his skin revealed when his shirt rolled up…

“Pull over.”

You snapped out of your thoughts. “No. I told you I’m fine.”

“C’mon, darlin’, don’t make me wrestle with you in a movin’ vehicle.”

Either he had a clue about what this nickname was doing to you, or he was still half-asleep and it simply slipped out; but whether it was intentional or not, you couldn’t dream of opposing him now and with a defeated sigh (and burning neck) you pulled over, slowly bringing the car to a halt. You glanced backwards, but miraculously Ellie hadn’t woken up yet.

Joel looked you over with concern and you shut your eyes, laying your forehead on the steering wheel. “I’m sorry,” you repeated. “But I really can keep going, at least until the sun goes up.”

“We’re switchin’,” he just said, unfastening his seatbelt.

“Joel, no!” you hissed, but he ignored you and went around the hood of the car, stopping at your side and opening the door for you. “I’m not moving. You need to get some fucking rest.”

“I already did. Now scoot over.”

“No, I told you–”

“What’s going on? Are we there yet?”

Both of you looked back to see Ellie sitting up and rubbing her eyes. In a split second she went from half-awake to alert, and she eyed you and Joel suspiciously. “What’s going on?” she asked again.

“We’re switchin’ places,” Joel spoke up before you had a chance to answer the girl. “Our current driver is pretty tired.”

“I’m not!” you protested, glaring at him.

“You almost drove the car into a ditch.”

“Woah.” Ellie lifted her hands and puffed her cheeks in a nervous manner. “Just this time, I second Joel. I really don’t want to end up in a ditch, thank you very much.”

“You see?” Joel looked at you expectedly. “Outvoted.”

You squinted in the rearview mirror at the teen. “Traitor.”

Ellie just shrugged. With a heavy sigh you unfastened yourself and exited the car, but before you could go around it and take Joel’s previous place, he stuck his arm out, stopping you.

“Actually, Ellie, do you want to ride shotgun now?” he asked and nodded in your direction. “It’d do her good to lie down for a bit.”

“No,” you said firmly at the same time when Ellie agreed with an enthusiastic “hell yeah!”. You crossed your arms over your chest and glared at the pair. “You guys are in cahoots.”

“Boo-hoo,” Ellie had a mean smile on her face. “Get in the backseat and cry about it.”

“She’s so cheeky,” you murmured to Joel, trying to hide your smile, and by the look of it he had trouble doing that, too. You sighed and lifted your hands in surrender. “Alright, you two. You won.”

“Great.” Ellie grinned, then started walking off the street. “But give me a moment, dudes, I gotta pee,” she said before marching further into the field on the side of the road.

“Don’t go too far!” shouted Joel after her.

“Don’t drive off without me!”

With that Ellie disappeared behind a small hill and you turned back to your companion, scrunching your face at him. Joel shrugged and walked past you.

“C’mon. I’ll find you a blanket.”

You huffed but didn’t argue further, knowing nothing will change his mind. He could be stubborn as a mule sometimes.

You climbed into the backseat and waited for Joel to take out the blanket you took from Bill and Frank’s house from the back of the car. He opened the door next to your head and handed it over, waiting for you to unfurl it. You expected him to go take the driver’s seat right away, but he stayed in place. Only then you noticed the folded jacket he was holding in his hands.

He didn’t react at all to your raised eyebrows and questioning look, and just casually laid his jacket under your head to serve as a pillow. The gesture was so sweet it made you melt inside, and you just couldn’t stay mad at him.

“Promise me you’ll get some sleep.”

“Only if you and Ellie aren’t too loud,” you teased, trying to settle down the butterflies fluttering in your stomach. “If you start arguing about some stupid shit again, I’m taking the wheel from you by force.”

He smirked and squatted next to your seat, looking down at you with an amused expression.

“I’d like to see you try.”

You had to be really fucking tired, because for a split second you thought that Joel has just flirted with you. You hid your face in his jacket to partially conceal your smile, but it only made your face hotter because the material smelled of him so much.

“I could. You’re lucky I’m deciding to show mercy.”

“How gracious of you. I’m honored.

“But we’re swapping places when I wake up,” you added, looking at him as sternly as you could. He raised his eyebrows with a half-smile when a yawn escaped you immediately after. “I’m serious, Joel.”

“Sure, darlin’.” He leaned in and kissed your forehead before standing up. “Now sleep.”

You could only stare into space as he carefully closed the door next to your head and walked around the vehicle with heavy steps. The spot on your head where his lips touched your skin was tingling and you inhaled deeply to calm yourself down before he entered the truck again and fastened the seatbelt.

Joel put some cassette into the tape deck and turned the volume down even before the song started to play.

You closed your eyes and wrapped the blanket tighter around yourself, hiding the lower part of the face – and a blush spreading on your cheeks – under the cover.

*****

4. jackson

You looked out the window at the children pulling their sleds behind them and smiled at how happy and carefree they looked. Down the road you could just barely see the big Christmas tree in the square and for a moment it felt like the apocalypse had never happened.

“They’re pretty lucky to be growing up here,” you said quietly. Joel was closing and opening cabinets behind you, clearly looking for something.

“Not sure about it. But I guess it beats growin’ up in any of the QZ’s or Fedra’s barracks.”

After Joel’s sudden change of heart and Ellie’s confident decision that she’d rather travel with you both instead of Tommy, the younger Miller convinced his brother to stay one more day in Jackson. It was honestly a good idea because you doubted any of you three got any rest the previous night. You certainly didn’t, tossing and turning the entire time from worry.

Joel chuckled and the sound pulled you out of your thoughts.

“What did you find?” you asked. He was kneeling in front of one of the cabinets, holding a small box.

“Old cassettes. You want to listen to some music?”

“Sure.” You stood up with a smile. “It’ll be pretty atmospheric.”

Joel gave you a dirty look.

“I’m not putting on Christmas carols.”

“I don’t want to listen to Christmas carols. Find something good.”

He sighed and took out a carton box from the cabinet, and then started to rummage through it. “Alright, so what do you want?”

“You can choose. Pick something you think I’d like.” A thought struck you and you glanced around the living room, furrowing your brows. “Is there even any tape player in here or something like that?”

“Upstairs,” Joel mumbled absent-mindedly. “In Ellie’s room. We can go see if it works.”

Ellie was out exploring Jackson and you doubted she’ll be back very soon. You knelt down next to Joel, looking at him with a grin as he inspected the box, pulling out and reading some of the cassettes before putting them back down. You rested your chin on your hands.

“Just get anything,” you ushered after some time, to which he chuckled.

“You said to pick somethin’ you’d like. Gimme some time.”

“Do you think I’m that picky?”

“Of course you are.”

You rolled your eyes but didn’t have to wait much longer before Joel stood up with a grunt and held out his hand to you. In the other one he held a white cassette.

“C’mon. I’m pretty sure you’re gonna love this one.”

You took his hand with excitement and let yourself be pulled to your feet. It’s been so long since you’ve been able to listen to some music – well, maybe not as long, but you missed it regardless – that you felt a bubbly joy at the thought of hearing something new.

And more than that, something that Joel has picked specifically for you. Doesn’t matter that you had to ask him.

You went upstairs to the room that was currently Ellie’s bedroom and Joel bent down, inserting the cassette into the tape player. He looked over his shoulder at you with a small smile and you beamed right back.

A loud, scratchy sound rang out.

You winced and Joel furrowed his brows. He took the cassette out, checked the empty slot and the cassette itself, and then made sure the power was on.

The first notes started to play, but they sounded distorted, like a scratched record. Joel cursed and tried again, but there must’ve been something wrong with the device, because no matter what he did, the music didn’t play right.

He tried again and again, and finally you decided to put a stop to it. You placed your hand on his shoulder.

“Leave it, Joel. It’s okay.”

“Just my fuckin’ luck,” he muttered, not turning around. “Of course Tommy gave us a place without a working cassette player.”

“It’s okay,” you repeated. You wanted to say something like ’the song probably isn’t even worth fussing over’, but the words got stuck in your throat. He picked it for you to listen to, of course it was worth it. “Maybe I just wasn’t meant to hear it.”

The man worried his lip and you quickly averted your gaze. He straightened up and put his hands on his hips, sighing.

“Nonsense,” he answered, looking intently at the device like he wanted to get it to work by sheer willpower. “You wanted to hear it.”

“Well, I did.” You got embarrassed for whatever reason, not knowing what to say. “But there’s not really anything we can do about that. It’s no big deal.”

Joel’s jaw twitched and he turned to look at you thoughtfully. You offered him a lopsided smile, but he didn’t move a muscle and you could almost imagine small gears turning in his head when he had this expression on his face.

“You okay?” you asked with a stifled laugh.

“I… have an idea,” he said slowly, almost hesitantly. Then he focused his eyes on you again. “Just… trust me for a moment.”

Your gaze softened and you took a step closer to him.

“Joel, of course I trust you. I trust you with my life.”

His Adam’s apple bobbed but his brown irises haven’t left yours for even a second.

“Close your eyes.”

“What?” you asked with a crooked smile, but he just shook his head.

“C’mon, close your eyes. And promise you won’t laugh.”

Confusion washed over you but you closed your eyes as requested. You heard Joel sighing and then he took your hand in his calloused and rough one, slowly putting it on his shoulder. Your neck got way too hot but you tried not to tense or flinch in fear of making him back out.

“Promise you won’t laugh,” he repeated and you just now realized you haven’t answered him. He put his hand on your waist, very, very lightly, and your other hand was raised to shoulder height, cradled in his warm one.

“I swear I won’t,” you whispered, your heart beating so damn loud you were scared he was going to hear it with how close you two were.

Joel exhaled heavily and you felt his breath on your hair.

And then he started to hum quietly and sway you gently from side to side. You desperately tried to remain calm, but how were you supposed to do that when your body felt so hot and he was so close–

“I reached inside myself and found nothin’ there… to ease the pressure… of my ever-worrying mind, hmm…”

Joel’s voice was deep and harsh right in front of you, and it sounded more like he was purring than singing. You suspected he slowed down the pace of the song significantly to match his movements and your heart swelled with warmth and adoration. The smile on your face widened and you took a step to the left, then to the right, gradually engaging in your dance more and more. You wanted to make it less uncomfortable and awkward for him and it seemed to have worked a bit because the next lines were much more confident, and his voice steadier.

“All my power wasted ’way, fear the crazed and lonely looks the mirror’s sendin’ me these days, hmm…”

His hold on you tightened slightly and you held his hand a little more securely, unable to hold back a goofy smile on your face.

“Touch me… how can it be? Believe me… the sun always shines on TV.”

You were falling for him all over again and it was not fair that he made you promise to keep your eyes closed. Though if he didn’t, you’d probably end up doing something dumb.

Like kissing him.

Fuck, you wanted to kiss him so bad.

“Hold me… close to your heart. Touch me… Give all your love to me. To me…”

Did he just pull you closer or was it you that took a step forward? It was hard to tell without seeing where you step, but you suddenly were very aware of the material of his shirt under your chin and the smell of shampoo he used to wash his hair, the pressure of his hand on your lower back and his quiet, drawling voice right next to your ear.

You were positive you’re about to pass out.

And it felt blissful.

Joel kept humming the chorus of the song, his voice getting softer and lower with each word. You relished in the warmth of his embrace, begging any higher power that he won’t let go of you immediately once he stops singing.

He didn’t.

Instead you two kind of naturally came to a stop but neither of you moved, still standing chest to chest and breathing a bit shakily. Your palm – or maybe it was his – was sweaty, but you ignored the unpleasant feeling, wanting to stay like this as long as possible.

“The original is much more lively,” Joel spoke in a soft whisper after some time and you smiled lightly.

“Well, I really liked your version,” you answered just as quietly, not wanting to disturb the intimate atmosphere in the room. “Joel?”

“Yes, darlin’?”

“Can I open my eyes now?”

A moment of silence.

“Yeah.”

You did so, but didn’t move your head, still keeping it on his shoulder and breathing in his scent. “Thank you for that,” you whispered and you felt him nodding.

“Anytime.”

His fingers crept a bit higher up your spine, but still his touch was so light and unsure.

You realized with a flicker of hope that he wasn’t pushing you away. He was pulling you closer.

Careful not to move too abruptly, you lifted your head and turned it to look him in the eyes. They were already on you, so very close, warm and hesitant, but also not showing any signs of discomfort or regret.

“Joel?” you asked again and you were so close to each other, it came out less as a question and more like a quiet breath. He heard it, though.

“Yeah?”

“Can I–”

Suddenly the door downstairs slammed extremely loudly and you both jumped when the noise broke the heavy silence.

“Hello! Is anybody here?!”

Ellie came back.

Both of you automatically took a step backwards, letting go of each other. Your face was scorching hot and you couldn’t force yourself to look at Joel. With a deep (hopefully unnoticed by the man standing right in front of you) breath, you quickly tried to get a grip on yourself when you heard Ellie running up the stairs.

“I was calling you, guys!” she panted and looked from you to the older man. “What’s up?”

“We…” Joel cleared his throat. “Tried to put some music on. The darn thing isn’t workin’, though.”

“Ugh, that’s a bummer.” Ellie turned to you and tilted her head. “Were you out, too? Your face is all red and shit.”

Even if it wasn’t before, it certainly was now. All attention shifted to you in a second and it made you want to cry.

“Yes,” you uttered quickly, “and… I’m actually going out again. I wanted to ask Maria something.”

You didn’t wait for any of them to stop or question you further – you all but ran down the stairs and bolted outside without even taking a jacket or a hat.

Fuck…

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

*****

5. basement, somewhere in colorado

He was dying.

Joel was dying and there was nothing you could do to help him.

You tried your hardest, though, to take care of both him and Ellie. You went out hunting so she wouldn’t have to starve, you encouraged her to get as much rest as possible while you watched over the unconscious man during the night, and not once did you show any doubt that Joel will get better.

But you had a feeling she knew why you were so reluctant to stay behind while the girl took her turn looking for food. The truth was, you were starting to crack if you sat for too long at Joel’s side, letting the intrusive thoughts take root in your mind. You needed those moments outside, because they were the only ones when you let your tears flow.

So when it was only you and him in the basement, you spent this time brushing the hair out of his face and coaxing him to drink. You checked his wound every so often, trying to keep it as clean as possible. You held his hand, humming to him that one song he sang for you in Jackson, though you didn’t know the words.

It was painful, to just sit in place and be unable to do anything to help, but you tried not to break down. Not when both of them counted on you.

So you stayed strong, hoping it’ll all turn out alright.

But luck still wasn’t on your side.

The men Ellie encountered the day before were here now, looking for you and Joel, and hungry for blood. She told you all about her interaction with them and since yesterday you were ready for a fight in case they showed up, but somehow it still surprised you and made your heart hammer in your chest in fear.

There wasn’t anywhere you could run to, and Joel wasn’t even able to keep his eyes open, let alone walk. You didn’t really have any other options.

So there was only one thing you could do, and that was to protect those closest to you.

You quickly took your backpack and passed Ellie your gun, closing her fingers around the cold metal.

“I’ll barricade the door, but if anyone comes in here, you blast their skull open, you hear me?” you whispered urgently and the girl nodded. You took Joel’s rifle from the floor and hung it over your shoulder. “I’ll try to take them out and lead them away. I’ll be back.”

“You better come back,” Ellie muttered and you looked at her softly, nodding. Then your gaze involuntarily shifted to Joel.

You didn’t know how many people were outside – if there were three or four of them, you should be able to shoot most of them before they notice you. If you don’t miss, that is.

But if there were more…

Choking back a nervous sob, you knelt next to the mattress and took Joel’s head in your hands. His eyes were only half-open and his forehead covered in sweat. Your heart clenched painfully at how weak he looked.

Acting on impulse, you leaned down and softly kissed the place above the corner of his mouth.

“Wake up,” you said to him firmly, brushing his cheeks with your thumbs. “Please, Joel. Ellie and I need you.”

You knew you had to go. You had to go now and make sure those fuckers outside don’t find Ellie and him.

But you stayed just for a second longer to press your forehead to his.

“I love you,” you whispered, so quietly you barely heard yourself.

And then you pulled away and ran upstairs.

From then on it was all a blur. You managed to kill one of the men with a clean shot between his eyes, but the other one ducked out of the way when he noticed you. Turned out there were six of them – too many – and what’s worse, one of them came up behind you, forcing you to flee sooner than you’d planned.

It would probably be wiser to take the horse but you didn’t want to endanger the poor creature, so you ran on foot.

You didn’t get far. One of the men managed to shoot you in the leg, making you keel over onto the frozen ground with a scream of pain. You turned around and saw him lifting his gun again before another voice yelled that he wanted you alive.

No. No, no, you weren’t about to let them take you.

You crawled towards where your rifle lay in the snow but just before you could reach it, it was kicked away by a heavy boot which then dealt a severe blow to your stomach. You doubled over, wheezing and coughing for air. By the time you managed to somehow catch your breath, someone pressed their foot on the gunshot wound in your calf, forcing a scream of agony out of you.

“Now, stay calm. I don’t want to shoot you.”

You clutched at your leg, glaring up at the ginger man who you suspected was the same David Ellie has encountered.

The man grinned nastily at the state you were in, and you didn’t like his expression one bit. He must’ve noticed that you were ready to lunge at him at any moment because he swiftly lifted his gun to your head. You froze.

“Where is your friend and the girl?” he asked quietly. You sneered at him, baring your teeth.

“Fuck you. I ain’t telling you shit.”

“David, she killed Paul,” spat another, younger one, looking down at you with hatred. “If that bastard has already died, let’s at least kill his bitch.”

You tried to think of a way to get out of this situation, but both of the men had their guns pointed at you and you knew you wouldn’t be able to move quickly enough with the gunshot wound.

You tried to move slightly but David pressed his foot harder on your leg, causing more blood to flow from your wound and you cried out, the pain clouding your vision.

“Don’t try anything, sweetheart,” he murmured in a warning tone. “You might bleed out.”

Your eyes were full of hate and rage but you didn’t dare to move again just yet.

“Where are they?” David asked again and you huffed a humorless chuckle while trying not to show how much pain you were in.

“You know that it was me who killed that idiot?” you asked in the most mocking tone you could muster, in the meantime desperately thinking how the fuck you were going to get out of here, preferably alive. “And your friend over there.” You nodded in the direction of where the body of the man you shot was lying. “Which one of you stood next to him? Was it you?” you asked the younger man who shot you in the leg. “I hope I hadn’t splattered you too much with the remnants of his brain.”

“You little bitch,” the other man sneered, lifting his gun again despite David’s stern order to back off. “I’d love to see the face of your friend when I blast your–”

“Leave her alone, you fuckers!!”

All of you turned your heads and your stomach churned when you saw Ellie on the horse you borrowed from Tommy. More shots rang out in the air when she blindly fired at the two men standing above you, and then the rest of the strangers who emerged from between the trees.

“Alive!!” David yelled after his men when they started chasing Ellie who grabbed the reins and cantered in the opposite direction. Then the man turned back to you. “We will catch her. Then we will find your friend, and he’ll pay for his sins.”

You growled.

“I told you it wasn’t him who killed that man.” He shook his head and you fumed with anger. “You don’t think I’m capable of that?”

“Oh, I think you’re capable of a lot.” His stare slid down your body, from head to toe, and terror gripped your heart at the sadistic excitement in his eyes. “And I think you must really care about him if you’re ready to trade your life for his. Such loyalty is admirable, but your love is misplaced.”

The snow around you was getting more and more red and you really started to worry that the bullet might’ve hit an artery. David’s eyes shifted to your leg as well, and he hummed.

“We’ll take care of that, don’t worry. You’ll be well taken care of in our community.”

“I don’t want to be any part of your fucked up sect.”

“You will. You just need a father to lead you to the right path.” He leaned over you in such a manner that it made your blood run cold. “I’ll teach you personally.”

Suddenly a shot echoed in the air and you heard a distant neighing of a horse. Your head automatically turned in the direction of the noise and David took advantage of your moment of distraction to strike your temple with his gun, thus knocking you unconscious.

*****

+1. silver lake

Joel woke up.

And he felt like he was made out of pure adrenaline and rage.

You weren’t with Ellie when he found her staggering through the snow, the face of the teen terrified and covered in blood. He comforted her as best as he could, relief and fear fighting inside him as he held the girl in his arms.

But she didn’t know where you were held. If you were even alive.

And that was a thought that Joel couldn’t bear. He wouldn’t even allow for the possibility that you were no longer…

He vaguely remembered you stroking his cheek with slow and delicate touches, and your humming while he was laying on the mildewed mattress in the basement. Maybe it wasn’t even a memory, but a dream – it was hard to tell in his delirious state.

But he was pretty sure he wasn’t hallucinating when he felt soft, cold lips right next to his and heard your voice – he knew it was your voice, he’d recognize it anywhere – whispering the words he never let himself hope you’d say to him.

Words he would be damned if he didn’t say back to you.

And that’s why he was merciless with the men he encountered on his way to you and Ellie. His own tiredness and pain piercing his abdomen didn’t matter – nothing mattered when you two weren’t with him, when he didn’t know if you were hurt or even still breathing. The desire to help and protect his girls numbed the pain in his stomach so much that he almost forgot he could barely stand just a few hours ago.

Once he found Ellie and took her to a safe location, he went back to look for you. He didn’t want to leave the girl alone, but she seemed terrified at the prospect of going back and through the buildings, so he left her his gun, promising to be right back.

One of the bastards Joel ran across on his way back was helpful enough (after being shot in both knees and having his forearm broken) to direct him to the place where you were supposedly being held – a small building hidden behind the still burning dining room.

No one else stood in his way when he cautiously reached the structure. He went in and started checking every single room, getting more and more anxious every time he found them empty. At one point he was ready to tear the walls apart and go back to see if there was anyone left alive who could tell him where you were – but then spotted a hidden, smaller metal door, which apparently led to the basement.

It wasn’t locked and Joel didn’t hear anything on the other side so he opened it slowly, quickly walking down the stairs and scanning the room for any enemies, but there were none. Half of the room was enclosed by a chain-link fence and the entry to the cage was slightly open.

And inside sat you, with a cloth around your eyes and hands tied above your head.

His knees almost gave way under him from relief when you perked up at the sound of his footsteps. You were alive. You were–

“If you fucking try to touch me again, I’ll break more than your stupid jaw!” you yelled out of the blue, starting to struggle and kick haphazardly, though the placement of your wrists was forcing you to stay in a sitting position. “You motherfucker, don’t come any closer!”

The fear and desperation in your voice broke Joel’s heart in an instant and made him stop dead in his tracks.

“It’s me,” he hurried to say, but his voice was weak and the next words got stuck in his throat when he saw your bloodied nose, bruises on your face and neck, as well as a dirty bandage tied around your calf with a seizable crimson stain on it.

He ushered inside, opening the door to the cell wide open with a loud scraping. You started panicking even more, cursing and kicking when he crouched next to you, intending to untie your hands.

“I said don’t fucking touch me! I’ll kill you!” you screamed and Joel actually had to back away a little to avoid getting kicked in the ribs.

“It’s me!” he said louder, but it was clear you didn’t hear him. In a quick movement he reached out, yanking the blindfold off your eyes, and put his hands on both sides of your face. “It’s me. Joel.”

In the first moment his touch made you recoil and the look of fury deepened on your face while you continued to scream bloody murder. Your eyes were so wild and terrified, Joel wanted nothing more than to pull you close to his chest and never let go.

“Look at me, baby. It’s alright,” he whispered soothingly, brushing his thumbs over your cheekbones like he vaguely remembered you doing when he was unconscious. “It’s me. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

Your eyes slowly started to focus on his face for the first time since he took the blindfold off, and Joel felt like something was tearing his chest apart at the sight of fear and disbelief on your face.

“It’s okay, darlin’,” he muttered in a strangled voice, trying not to show he was close to crying, too. “It’s me. You’re safe now.”

A broken sob issued from your throat when you took in the sight of him, your eyes lingering on his face and stomach where the wound was.

“...Joel?”

“I’m here,” he said softly, quickly cutting the ropes binding you to the indent in the wall and wincing when he saw the red and purple marks around your wrists. “It’s okay.”

It wasn’t okay, not for you and not for him. Your body was trembling when he finally cut your hands free and without hesitation gathered you in his arms. It seemed like all the bottled up stress was pouring out of you now with the tears as you cried into his jacket and he held you tighter.

“J-Joel…”

“I know, babygirl,” he whispered into your hair, rocking you both back and forth slightly. You were clinging to him almost desperately and it pained him physically to see how scared you’ve been this whole time, but you were safe now, you were back with him and you were alive… “I know. I’m so sorry.”

You pulled away abruptly and looked over his shoulder, your face crumpling in despair when you saw no one there.

“They took Ellie, I don’t know where–”

“She’s safe,” he quickly assured you. “She got out and I found her just before comin’ here.”

You nodded with a sigh of relief, and he shifted his gaze to your calf, gently laying his hand just above the bandage.

“How’s your leg? Can you walk?”

“One of those fuckers shot me,” you murmured, not moving or attempting to stand up, which concerned Joel. “I didn’t really have a chance to see if I’ll be able to stand on my own but they sewed it up provisionally.” Your eyes flickered to his and you smiled softly, brushing your fingers over the back of his hand. “Not as well as you, though.” Then your smile disappeared and your hand grabbed his in a firm grip, like you wanted to make sure he was really here. “How are you, though? I was… Shit, I was so afraid I’d lose you.”

Joel could only stare at you, having no clue what to say.

He was not good at talking. He knew what he should do, though – he should examine your leg and make sure it was alright, he should go back to Ellie and get you two out of here, he should calm down his goddamn pounding heart so that he doesn’t pass out and cause you any more trouble.

But he couldn’t will his muscles to move. He couldn’t do anything, he couldn’t think about anything at all – not when you were sitting in front of him, looking at him with those tearful, gorgeous eyes of yours, holding his hand so tenderly but firmly, your touch so soothing, so familiar, and he remembered vaguely the same fingertips caressing his face.

And your voice, those words…

You said his name haltingly, but he didn’t register any of that, instead letting the overwhelming feelings of relief and fear, and – and adoration – take hold over his body, and he affectionately took your beautiful face in his hands.

Your eyes widened slightly but then these irises he dreamt about so often flickered to his lips and your own parted slightly, and that was all he needed before he leaned in and kissed you deeply.

There was a moment of hesitation on your part during which Joel began to worry that he didn’t read the situation right after all, but then you cupped his cheeks, too, and pressed yourself closer to him, letting him envelop your form in his arms with a quiet sigh.

It was better than he could have ever imagined. He could taste a hint of blood on your lips and hot, blinding rage surged through his veins at the thought of those bastards hurting you. His kiss turned harder and more desperate – he needed to make sure you were really here with him, he wanted to feel your every breath in his own lungs. You didn’t pull away, only tangling your fingers in his short hair, and the small noises you were making were driving Joel crazy with lust and relief. He felt dizzy, like he was going to faint again but he pushed through it, keeping his attention solely on you.

The second you two parted, even before you had a chance to catch your breath, the words started spilling out of his mouth fumblingly.

“Listen, I… I heard you,” he whispered, panting like he just ran a mile – and his heart certainly acted like he did. “M’pretty sure I wasn’t halucinatin’, but even if– doesn’t matter, I want… no, I need to tell you this, I…”

He exhaled nervously and shook his head, avoiding eye contact with you because he was damn sure he'd burst into flames if you looked at him like that again.

Fuck, he was really not good at this.

He cursed under his breath, missing a concerned look you gave him, and felt your hand covering his where it was still situated on your cheek. He knew that with this gesture you wanted to make it easier for him somehow, but it only caused his chest to get even warmer and tighter. “Joel, slow down–”

“I… I love you,” he finally choked out, softly brushing your cheekbones with his thumbs. And damn his old, faulty heart, he wanted to gaze into your eyes again, even if it was going to kill him, so that’s exactly what he did. “I loved you for so long, darlin’, and I got so fuckin’ scared that I won’t be able to tell you and, and it’s okay if I only imagined you saying that and you don’t feel that way, but I needed to tell you, I…”

All strength left him when he paused to draw a breath. His vision was becoming blurry and for a second he was certain he’s losing consciousness again, but it turned out they were only tears filling his eyes, blurring your form before him.

Which was even worse, somehow.

“I’m sorry.” He intended to sound reassuring and strong but it came out more like a broken whisper and he hated himself for feeling so weak and helpless when you and Ellie needed comfort and strength. He couldn’t help it though – all this time when he was looking for his girls the only things that kept him going were anger, terror and regret. Now there was relief, yes, but… he felt so very tired and old.

You turned your head slightly to plant a soft kiss on the inside of his palm, and Joel’s head snapped up. Tears were filling your eyes and he immediately scanned your body for other injuries, any signs of damage or pain, but then this gorgeous smile he so loved illuminated your face, and it put all of his anxieties at ease.

“You weren’t hallucinating,” you said quietly. “I did say that. And I love you, too, Joel.”

He couldn’t help a short, breathless and broken laugh that escaped him when he really heard you speaking those words, this time as clearly as day.

You sniffled and mirrored his smile, and in the next second Joel was kissing you again.

He knew you two had to go, had to get back to Ellie and leave this god-forsaken place, so he tried to be quick, but you – your smile, your touch, all of you – were so distracting and not eager to help him pull away in the slightest.

“I love you too, babygirl, love you so much.” He peppered your face with kisses, ignoring tears running down his cheeks and disappearing into his beard and under your hands. “So fuckin’ much… Don’t ever scare me like that again.”

“Because your old heart can’t handle it?” you teased and he huffed a laugh. A damn tease in every situation, he wanted to say, but before he had a chance to chide you, you pulled him in for another deep kiss. Joel decided you’re off the hook this time.

“Exactly, darlin’. Now hold onto my arm, we’re gonna see if you can stand, and then we’re goin’ back to Ellie.”

A hiss and a grunt of pain escaped you when he attempted to pull you to your feet, but you gritted your teeth and shook your head quickly when he froze, worry evident on his face. Turned out you could stand on your own and even slowly limp forward, but clearly had to push through intense pain to do so. Joel offered you his shoulder (against which his tired body protested immediately) but it made walking easier for you, so he sucked it up.

“I got you,” he whispered when he helped you up the stairs, keeping an arm around your waist for support. You whimpered every time you had to climb up a step, and Joel took hold of your hand, brushing his thumb over your skin lovingly. “That’s a good girl. Just a couple more.”

You didn’t let go of his hand even after these ‘couple more’ steps.

He kept his hand on your shoulder when you finally got reunited with Ellie and tears of relief spilled out of your eyes.

You tangled your fingers with his when the three of you were leaving this cursed, cruel place.

You all held each other when Ellie broke down and you both hugged her tightly, trying to make her feel safe again.

He hooked his little finger over yours, not wanting to drag you down when he started to lean on you, getting significantly weaker from how far he traveled and how hard he fought in the state he was in.

You grasped his hand again that night when you laid down next to him in his sleeping bag while Ellie was curled close to the two of you on Joel’s other side.

He didn’t let go when he leaned in to kiss you again, keeping his touch soft and gentle, and pulled you as close as he could, murmuring words of love and sweet promises into your hair.

Both of you knew you had a lot to talk about in the upcoming days – and probably even weeks. All three of you needed time to heal, physically as well as mentally.

But just for this moment, Joel couldn’t be happier and more relieved as it was slowly dawning on him that after this horrible, hellish nightmare, he had both of you right next to him, breathing and alive, and not chased by anyone for now. Two persons he loved in very different ways, but who were his entire world, whether he was ready to admit it or not.

As if reading his thoughts, you shifted slightly and kissed the edge of his jaw sleepily. His eyes closed, hiding the wetness in them.

He really couldn’t believe his luck.

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #the last of us #tlou hbo #joel miller #ellie williams #the last of us fanfiction #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #joel miller x y/n #5+1 things #joel tlou #it took me SO LONG OMG #beary writes

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14thcommander · 4 months ago

Text

best kept secret and your biggest mistake | hange zoe x reader

summary: your relationship with eren is a facade, and hange is your secret lover. they wish it was more than that, but they’ll take what you’ll give them. (inspired by nobody puts baby in the corner - fall out boy)

cw: smut, 18+ ONLY. angst, cheating, drinking, sex under influence of alcohol, oral (f receiving), dirty talk, praise. afab!reader, they/them pronouns for hange zoe. the characters are flawed and reader has a personality.

Parties have never been Hange’s scene.

Not in a superiority complex way – at least that’s what they like to think – it’s just that people aren’t really Hange’s thing. Although the consumption of alcohol has become an increasing habit in their life, the noise and social interaction are the worst parts of attending parties, they figure.

“Tch, can’t believe we’re being dragged to this shit.” Levi comments, rolling his eyes at his own boyfriend. The short man always seems to be stressed or annoyed, but this time it feels genuine. When it comes to his partner, though, it never lasts long – not really. “This is your fault, Erwin.”

Erwin Smith, ever the social butterfly and recognizable persona, is able to fluctuate through almost every social group in Mitras. Which is precisely the reason why they are entering Zeke Yeager’s birthday party, crossing the threshold of a luxurious two story house — Hange wonders if the guy isn’t a bit too old to throw parties like this anyway, but hey: it’s free alcohol.

“Sorry eyebrows, gonna have to agree with your boyfriend.”

Erwin snorts at Hange’s words and Levi simply huffs in agreement. A typical conversation so far. The living room is crowded, the atmosphere pumps a generic pop song, and Hange already wants to leave. There are so many people Hange recognizes, realizing that they will have to greet most of them in order to be polite. They look around, scanning the room for something they know will hurt them.

You.

“Don’t be so pessimistic, Levi.” The blond says, placing a hand on the brunette’s shoulder. The gesture is suggestive, something only lovers could share. “You’ll have fun, I’ll make sure of it.”

Hange scoffs at the scene before them, with a roll of their eyes and a bitter taste on their tongue.

“Ew, get a room, you guys are fucking disgusting.” They say, face contorting with faux discomfort. “I’m getting a drink.”

There’s a golden locket hanging from your neck, a collar as heavy as prison. The photo inside, blurry and bright, is of your boyfriend — which was an anniversary gift from last year, or something. The both of you are always breaking up anyway, so Hange doesn’t fully understand what the point of celebrating an anniversary really is. The jewelry doesn’t fool anyone when it comes to deceiving the mess that is your relationship. It isn’t like a necklace would make them forget how he treats you.

As if it would make you look away from his affair with Mikasa Ackerman.

Hange can’t help but eye it, as it gleams viciously, almost as if inviting them to destroy it. Instead, they take another swing from the sweaty beer bottle in their hand.

Everything about you is more complicated than it should be. Someone like you shouldn’t be dating Eren Yeager of all people — he’s petty, childish, the embodiment of everything you’re not. You are no saint either, however being with someone like Yeager is something that Hange takes as a personal offense.

This is bullshit. All of it.

“Gonna grab another beer. Want one?” Levi says, the baritone voice is somehow louder than the music that plays from somewhere in the living room.

“Sure.”

It has been an hour or so since they have arrived, and Hange is a few beers deep in

Your boyfriend has a hand on your thigh, marking his territory just in case anyone dares to look at you with lust in their eyes. Hange fights the urge to punch him. This is bullshit. All of it.

You mutter something to Eren, lips close to his jaw, pressing a kiss to it after you are finished speaking. Hange assumes it is something about wanting another drink. They wonder if your boy toy knows what you like, at all. For starters, you prefer silver — why would he gift you a locket that is fucking gold?

Hange decides to go upstairs in order to escape from the hell that is this party, unable to watch that circus any longer. The house is crowded, causing the atmosphere to feel even worse. It’s almost claustrophobic.

And, for some unknown reason, your friends are into that.

The bathroom — third door on the right — is thankfully empty. It is clean, too: no signs of drunken regret in the form of vomit.

The luxurious bathroom is covered in marble with gold adjacents, from floor to ceiling. There is an enormous bathtub on the end of it. Hange if the Yeagers ran out of money when renovating the house: the bathroom is all marble but there isn’t fucking decent lighting.

Hange locks the door, back pressed against it. They let out a sigh, something from deep in their lungs and even deeper in their heart. They adjust the thick oval glasses on the bridge of their nose, feeling emotionally exhausted after watching you play pretend with Eren.

“Fuck.” They mutter shortly before splashing their face with cold water, feeling droplets fall down their neck. It refreshes them, sure, but the sinking feeling in their stomach is still there.

Objectively speaking, Hange knows it doesn’t have anything to do with them, or they are – the whole situation is entirely your fault. You are the one who is – allegedly – in a happy, committed relationship. Hange was merely caught in the crossfire of your desires. The jealousy that bubbles in their stomach every time they have to witness you kiss him is your fault.

But they can’t bring themself to hate you for it.

After all, is it greedy to want both of them?

You dream of dark, charcoal eyes only to wake up to an ocean gaze staring at you. It is confusing, complicated. You wish you were not pulling and pushing, stuck in between two different worlds.

The party was becoming too much for you – too much noise, too many people. You go upstairs, to the second floor of the house, needing to get away from everything and everyone. Wondering if there is an option — begging for a sign from God — to escape all of this, your hand grabs the doorknob of the bathroom, only for it to twist magically.

And, on the other side of it, is Hange Zoe. Dimly illuminated, the first few buttons of their shirt undone, tanned skin glowing — almost reflecting, luring you in.

“Oh.” Is all you can come up with.

Standing face to face with the truth isn’t funny — or easy — in the slightest. The sight of Hange before you feels like the universe is taunting you with the possibility of a life you could have.

“Hi.” They greet you, voice as buttery as you remember.

You are overwhelmed with flashbacks of car seats, foggy windows, whispered sweet nothings. The ghost of Hange’s mouth still sends chills down your spine.

And, here you are — red solo cup in hand, filled halfway with a nasty drink your own boyfriend made for you, apparently unable to know the basics of your likes and dislikes. The golden locket around your neck is so heavy, so heavy you almost drop to the ground and as your skin turns blue.

“Hey.” Your voice is barely above a whisper. Hange is a few inches from you, and you can breathe in their scent, as it intoxicates your lungs. They smell of cologne, and a subtle undertone of cigarettes. You want to ask, since last time you talked they had quit the poisonous habit – it’s as awkward as it is already, though.

You haven’t seen them in a month, since the last time you got back together with Eren. Hange took the message when you started ignoring their texts, and posted a picture with him again on your social media. Still, they don’t understand why.

“How long are you planning on avoiding me?” They ask, shoulder leaning against the door frame. Because fuck this — fuck all of this. Fuck Eren Yeager and his superiority complex, and how he has the only thing Hange has ever truly wanted.

You.

Considering your options, you realize you have the chance to play dumb and pretend you don’t know what they are talking about. Except, this is Hange, who knows you better than anyone else in this world — who knows your soul and brain and heart like the palm of their hand.

“Hange,” the sound of their name tastes unbelievably sour on your tongue. “You know. You know it’s complicated.”

They know this – at least that’s what they tell themself. Hange does their best to understand you, to feel empathy about your situation. Your relationship is obviously unhealthy, maintaining you in a chokehold. Eren always has a short leash around your neck – in the form of a gold necklace, mainly. He is always around, always with an arm snaked around your waist or a hand on your shoulder. Well, except when he sneaks around to cheat on you with Mikasa.

“Is it?” Their words make your heart beat heavily against its organic cage, begging to be freed from its confines. “You say that every time, yet you won’t leave him. I thought you had a bit more self-respect than that, to be honest. You don’t seem like the person I met anymore. Not at all.”

They take a step towards you, bringing themself unbelievably close.

“What happened to you, huh? Little Eren made you his pet?”

Their words drip with venom, poisonous and ready to kill. They want to hurt you as badly as you hurt them, but truly, they would not be able to do so. Hange is all bark, and no bite. You, on the other hand…

“Fuck you. Fuck you from even saying that.” There are stubborn tears threatening to spill from your eyes, a mixture of anger and plead.

Hange knows they might have gone too far, their words intended to stab you in the heart and apparently they did. Alcohol doesn’t suit their anger issues, after all.

“Tell me to step away. Tell me to fuck off and I will. I’ll go downstairs and pretend I haven’t even seen you.”

You know they would do it, in case you requested — or better, ordered. These days, you wonder if there is anything Hange wouldn’t do for you. There’s a brief moment of silence, voices echoing from the party downstairs, music pumping through the walls.

They move closer, so close, until their forehead is pressed against yours.

“Hange.” You mumble their name like a confirmation, like a warning. What it implicates sits heavy in your stomach.

It is messy, you don’t know who moves first, however your lips end up moving against theirs, with a synchrony that should be long forgotten.

The disgusting liquid that you were once holding ends up splattered on the floor. Your drink of gin, that tasted like kerosene, stands out on the marble floor. Someone would have to take care of it, but not right now. Not now, that your tongues are intertwined. Hange tastes like beer, and you probably taste like something similar.

And just like that, Eren Yeager’s empire falls, right into Hange’s hands.

They grab your waist, moving you towards the dimly lit bathroom, in order to give a bit of privacy. Smoothly, Hange closes the door and presses your back against it, the rage of Hange burning from deep in their heart — you can feel it on your bones, in your marrow. You know this isn’t a hate fuck, but it isn’t making love either.

No, this is way more intense, as they press open mouthed kisses on the warm skin of your throat. They notice you still wear the same perfume they once complimented, and they can’t help but think it’s because of them. Hange can’t help but wonder about the impact they have in your life, or if they have any at all.

They whisper something that sounds like your name, and it sounds so different from how your boyfriend says you. In this very moment, with Hange gripping your hips tightly, canine teeth grazing the side of your neck, you feel no empathy for Eren. You feel no regret at all, and if that makes you an asshole, then so be it. Being a goody two shoes, a people pleaser, has never gotten you anywhere.

“Fuck, I’ve missed this.” Hange confesses, as they pull your skirt up, guiding you to lay in the empty bathtub, on the other corner of the bathroom.

“I know. I missed you too.” You reply in the form of something in between a whisper and a moan. It's not what they said at all, but you know they mean it anyways.

Your tits are exposed, bra tossed somewhere on the ground. Your skirt is a puddle around your waist, panties moved to the side — the sight of your glossy cunt exposed to Hange, as they offer you a smile that isn’t nothing short of wolfish.

“Aw princess, your cunt is so wet already. So messy.” The condescending tone drips from their voice like honey, much like the wetness that drips from you.

Biting their tongue, they fight the urge to ask, is it all for me?

They take a moment to appreciate your body, fingers dancing along your soft skin, occasionally running through scars, unevenness, and a birthmark. Details they want to remember for the rest of their life, but would much rather be reminded of those every chance they get to see you strip for them.

“Please.” You whimper, as your hips buckle.

They shush you, fingers lightly grazing your pussy, teasing you through your wetness.

“I know, baby. I’ll give it to you, I promise. Just be good for me, yeah?” They say, pressing kisses under your year, on your neck, towards your collarbone. “Think you can do it?”

You whimper in agreement. They’ll take it

“Gotta be quiet, or someone might notice.”

Digits find themselves playing with your cunt, spreading your inner lips apart as Hange presses a single finger against your entrance, touching you just enough to drive you crazy. It sends a white hot feeling through your body.

“So fucking pretty, princess. Prettiest goddamn pussy I’ve ever seen.”

Given Hange’s history, that means something. Even if it didn’t, the praise would still make your body sing underneath them. It’s hard to properly explain the effect they have on you.

Their experienced fingers finally find their way inside you, as a thumb rubs against your clit. It’s magical, it’s heaven. If you could choose to die like this, you would.

This right here should make Hange feel bad, overtaken by a sense of regret at least, but they can’t. Not when you look this good, moaning and whimpering and begging. You have a boyfriend, and they couldn’t care less.

Their fingers start pumping in and out of you, slowly at first, but growing in speed. Hange knows just how you like it, they right amount of pressure to press on your clit, and curling their fingers inside of your cunt.

“Fuck, ohmygod.” You pant, dignity long forgotten. It’s shameless, you are horny like a fucking teenager, but it feels so good. “It’s so good.”

Hange swallows another moan from you, mouth pressed to yours messily, a mixture of tongue and teeth and spit.

“Gonna let me taste you, baby?” They ask, not showing you any mercy, already lowering their body in between your legs. “You have no idea how much I missed this pretty pussy.”

“Please, please.” You whisper in response. “Need it, Hans. C’mon.”

They smile wickedly at you.

“Know you do.”

And then, finally — finally, they press open mouthed kisses on your inner thighs, careful to not leave any marks. If there isn’t any proof of your crimes against Eren, then he can’t hold it against you. This is how it works.

You want all they can give you, unable to quit them.

Tiny explosions spread through your entire body, as you grind your hips against Hange’s greedy mouth. Now, this is greed — the overwhelming lust, the need to make you theirs.

The bubble of warmth on your lower abdomen only grows, threatening to pop at any given second.

The way Hange takes care of you with subtle touches, making it clear that they pay attention to your every reaction brings a bittersweet taste to your tongue. The contrast between them and your boyfriend is even clearer, starkly obvious. This is too intense: a mixture of passion for your lover and regret for your relationship. Somehow, it feels similar to falling in love.

Your hands find home in Hange’s dark hair, like they have many times before. For some unknown reason, this time is bittersweet – perhaps, the emotions, the touches that are so fresh on your body, send you into sensory overload. Tears escape from your eyes, like a broken dam.

Your mind is a mess, and so is your body – wetness clings to your inner thighs, a thin layer of sweat covering your entire body.

Their name falls from your lips like a mantra, as if your body is solely devoted to Hange – no one, not even Eren, is capable of earning such a reaction from you

You are so close – your hands pull on Hange’s hair lightly, just enough for them to moan into your cunt. Their teeth lightly graze your clit, sucking it like their life depends on it. The Earth stutters on its axis as you come, the bubble of warmth on your lower abdomen finally exploding, creating a mess out of you. Your legs tremble in pleasure, as Hange carries you through your height.

It is quiet for a while, only your heavy breathing and the bass of music bumping from downstairs creating noise around you. Hange helps you get dressed, adjusting their hair and glasses shortly after. It isn’t silent, however wordless – an old choreography you have smoothly executed many times before.

But, really, what is Hange supposed to say? See you next time? Can’t wait to do this again? Is this-

“I’ll leave him.” You mutter, while fixing your makeup in front of the mirror, attempting to clean it in the dim light. You look at them through the mirror, fixing your smudged eyeliner as you do so. It is still unclear if your boyfriend knows about your escapades with Hange, but you make sure to return to him as impeccably as you arrived to them. Maybe it’s better this way.

They scoff once again. You sound like a broken record at this point, and they are tired of believing you.

“I will-”

“Yeah, you said that last time.”

You sigh, turning around to look where they stand behind you, with a shoulder pressed against the door. Supporting your body against the sink, your gaze falls to the ground.

“I mean it. I’ll leave him. I don’t know when, or how, but I will.”

Hange sighs.

“Alright.” They turn to you, one last time before opening the door. “But you gotta do this for you, not for me.”

With that, Hange leaves you – you wonder if this is what they felt after the countless times you were the one to leave them.

#hange x reader #hange smut #hange zoe x reader #hange x y/n #hange zoe smut

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anlian-aishang · 2 years ago

Text

SNK Men - Rebounding With You - Eren, Armin, Jean, Levi, Erwin, Reiner, Zeke

// snk x reader, angst turned fluff, allusions to smut, alcohol mention, food mention, hurt-comfort, modern AU, gn!reader. // while writing this, i listened to // read also: Rebounding After You

Eren

A messy bun. Freshly pierced gauges. All black - shoelaces to earrings. Clearly, he had been through something. The look in his emerald eyes warned others to stay away, but you were not like the others, not just another.

His outfit screamed don’t talk to me, but all you could think of was how much nicer he would look without it. Long swigs of his drink demanded his lips, you wondered how he would react if you threw his highball to the floor and put your mouth in its place. His hair was unkempt, tangled, yet you yearned to run your fingers through it. From across the bar, you eyed him up like a tiger would a steak, oblivious to the fact that he could tell you were.

Eren let you have your fun, but flashed you a side-eye and a smirk at just the right time. After a couple seconds of eye contact, you snapped out of your trance and shot your stare straight down. Fuck. Steel soled boots approaching, you knew it could only be one person. Fuck me! And when he cinched your chin between his fingers and drew your gaze to him, he knew it could only be one person. One person to lift him out from the rut he was in. One person who could overpower their taste even more than the alcohol. One person whose scent he not dare wash off his clothes.

He did not have to tell you what he was using you for. It was obvious each time he groaned against your neck, each time he flipped you on your knees and slammed into your furthest depths. After a few weeks, though, you began to question his intentions. More than just a one night stand? The toothbrush he bought you, your phone’s charger on his nightstand, they communicated the sentiment he would never say.

Armin

You had an educated guess. Over the days, his outfits so persistently ironed had grown increasingly wrinkled. In meetings, he was even quieter than usual. Times you expected him to speak up, his lips stayed shut. Topics that would normally enrapture him failed to draw even a sliver of attention. It was so obvious to you, but apparently not to anyone else.

Armin left the space with speed, but without any particular hurry. Not looking to socialize, but not looking for conversation, either. So swift, you could not keep up. When you instinctively reached and grabbed his shoulder, it startled you both, “A-Armin!”

He turned rapidly - not mad, just concerned. You could not remember exactly what you said, for you had wanted to say a lot of things. Out to lunch? Are you free? Come over some time? You’re single, right? Eventually, you stumbled your way to a new book you had been reading, one that made you think of him - no, not that - made you think he might like it. It was awkward, but you got there: a two-person book club, meeting every Friday afternoon.

And soon, he returned to the ironing board. He slicked his comb with gel and shined his shoes back up to standard. There was something - someone - to dress for again. Someone to be excited over. Someone to distract him from the past few miserable months. Someone who taught him how to love again - Friday by Friday.

Books turned to movies. Movies to dinners. Dinners to dates. The things that reminded him of his ex were overrun by reminders of you. As you grew closer, they grew further, until you were all he saw.

Jean

Jean startled when you hugged him, but hours later, he admitted it felt nice. Accidentally brushing against you on the sidewalk, guilt at first, gratitude to follow. When you leaned in, he widened his eyes, then closed them, telling himself just one kiss. Just until he got over it.

Your flirtation was not subtle, but he was happy to indulge. Each text sent and received alleviated some sting. Minutes with you were minutes he was free from his heartache. Every time and everywhere you touched him, you adhered a bandage to a scar left behind. Eventually, he was covered in band-aids, bound to fall off every now and then. He had always heard that one should not talk about an ex to their partner, but he had never been through a break-up like this. You had only been dating for a few weeks, but you could already tell that Jean wore it on his sleeves, he just couldn’t help himself.

When he started to open up, you let him. It was not that you tolerated it, but you yearned to learn all about him, even if it was about his former lover. Sometimes, he choked up when talking about them. Sometimes, he said good things about them. Most others would have told him to get over it, but that thought never came to your mind. Each time he appreciated them, it showed you how attentive he was. When tears fell, you understood how deeply he felt things. Maybe most would have found it scary, but you found the opposite scarier. If he was able to get over them quickly, how quickly could he get over you - god forbid - if the time came? He harbored no ill will towards his ex, not a spiteful bone in his body. Though the relationship had come to an abrupt end, his care was not so easily severed.

He was a good boy, now your boy. You were determined to show him how good you could be, too.

Levi

Relationships were foreign to him. Rebounds, even more so. On his balcony, cup of tea in hand, he overlooked the streets below, sipping and resigned to the fact that this just wasn’t for him. It was exactly what they had said when they left - they just weren’t for him. A deep inhale and slow exhale, chai steam evaporated, they were right, after all.

His friends, coworkers even, watched him go from stoic to saddened, irritable to impossible. For their own sake, they tried to set him up, but that only seemed to aggravate him all the more. He scolded them as he did himself, “Just face it, I already have too many idiots to deal with.”

Months and months dragged on, and everyone was beginning to believe he was damned to be a bachelor - him more than anyone. Not the typical playboy kind, but the kind who ate alone, kept to himself, and whose Friday nights were spent buying groceries and stopping at the local tea shop - their most loyal regular.

Which was why, when he forgot cash at the cash-only establishment, you subtly bagged his purchases and slid the paper bag across the counter. Flat brows to a rare arch, you stole the words out of his mouth, “No. I insist.”

Levi, still cold, attempted to snarl on his way out, but the light bell chime on the door and your warm smile in his wake melted his grunt to a soft sigh. Since that night, he found himself stopping by more often, always the weeknights that you worked. When closing time came around, he lingered and eventually offered to help. While mopping, you caught him swaying to your playlist. As you counted the till, he noticed the upward glances you snuck between bills.

To you, a fairy tale. To him, ridiculous. One fateful night, a torrential rainfall kept you both locked in. Just the two of you. You split stale pastries, invented new drinks, shared secrets, including that midnight kiss. Your lips tasted of matcha and powdered sugar, a taste he believed was right for him.

Erwin

A nice dinner. Too nice. Roses. Candlelight. A table with city views. Not a fold out of place, not a falter in his movements. Erwin spoke so politely, you wondered if he had rehearsed, or were you dreaming? The six-figure salaryman, you knew he would be professional, but this was suspiciously perfect. He acted as though there was a deal to be closed, an asset he desperately needed, one only you could provide.

You had no power over him, at least, not inherently. Tall, dark, handsome, what did he have to be afraid of? What could have gotten to him? Subtly, while he ate, you examined the man opposite you. Hair perfectly slickened. Tie fastened just right. Smartphone tucked neatly in his breastpocket. Funny, how it had not gone off the whole meal.

Wait. Wasn’t he a businessman? Where was his watch? Of all men to wear a watch, Erwin Smith should have been at the top of that list. An odd discomfort nicked you: seeing a dog without a collar, a fence with some knots undone. His keys. Two copies of the same keys? Seriously, who needs two mail keys? On the same ring, nonetheless.

He could sense it, your realization. He figured you would catch on eventually, that was why he picked you in the first place - a good head on your shoulders, one to catch his tells. A relationship freshly severed. You were the rebound. Your lips parted at the thought, but slowly grew content, a thankful smirk even. Whoever fucked up before you was to thank - having landed you a date with the sector’s wealthiest figure - on his best behavior.

It was then that you knew what you were and what you had. For him: a way to forget failed ventures. For you: a man of dreams wrapped around your finger.

Reiner

In his presence, your intentions were pure. A friend to him, that was what you were. A shoulder to cry on. Always available whenever he needed a night out, always picking up the phone and listening to his slurred words. A smile and a laugh the morning after. Wholesome you always pulled through.

At night, alone in bed, you could not tether your mind from its dirtier ideas. You wanted to slap away his stupid thoughts. Don’t you know they didn’t love you? They didn’t deserve you. Hell, you don’t deserve them! When you first kissed him, your tongue would wipe away their leftover taste. Before he could even begin a fresh start, your flavor would be down his throat.

You had been good friends since college, able to read each other effortlessly. Knowing he was finally single, though, made you blind to the fact that he suffered the same inner battle. Reiner had an appreciation for your platonic care, you had always made him laugh the most - far more than they ever did - no matter how down he was feeling. The teasing ruffle of his hair he needed. The punch on the arm. You provided it all, he loved it all.

After a few weeks, though, that was not what he craved. Your friendship had brought him back from the brink, but now, he wanted to feel high again. In daylight, you told him that he deserved to feel happy. At night, he heard you whisper that he deserved to feel good. Both of you were so opposite in sunlight and in moonlight, but thank god for twilight. Lunches together bled into evenings, and when you witnessed the other sides of each other, you both recognized that there was more to your days than friendship.

Zeke

Zeke got you with all the right things, all the words and actions that were textbook for starting a relationship. You had to admit, his skills were formidable, but he was no match for you - the first to see through his tactics.

You let him have his fun. The hard and fast kiss, the overnight, the seemingly mindless text exchanges. You knew you were more, though. You knew you were convincing him of it. You could tell he was learning. Kissing you, he felt compelled to take his time, to take breaths between, to decorate the spaces with words from the heart rather than a guidebook. Nights together no longer had one objective, but were eaten up by movies, take-out, and long talks. Texts became phone calls. Phone calls became face to face meetings, then dinners, then rooftop conversations.

Eventually, Zeke admitted that there had been someone not long before you. You put your arm around his back, nodded, and bit your lip - having figured that out from the start. He came clean with his intentions, that he did not go looking for someone to settle down with, but someone to help him get over them. Looking to you, uncharacteristic panic in his gaze, he said that he found both in you.

He expected you to leave him then, just as suddenly as they had, but unlike all the others - you managed to toss his surprises back at him. This time, you were the one to push your lips hastily to his. Shocked but swiftly, he wrapped his arms around you. His cheeks turned red, his hands began to shake, never had he felt this way about anyone before. In that way, you were his first. He prayed that breakup would be his last.

// masterlist //

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