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spacesapphi · 2 months ago

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"Moving Forward, Spiraling Downward Chapter 12- Destruction"

Woo Goblin Destroyer!!! Very excited to be giving Sam some more focus in this chapter. I'd like to give thanks to luvfitz/moonferry for workshopping ideas with me for this chapter, and giving me some very good ideas for it! I hope you enjoy reading this one :)

CWs for this chapter include allusions to death, a car accident, and addiction

Summary: Goblin Destroyer finally landed it's very first gig in Zuzu City, much to the joy and excitement of Sam and his band! Shane offers to be the one to take the trio into the city and record the first real performance for the band. The night goes off without a hitch!… At least, until they get back home to the valley. Three mistakes were made that night, and these mistakes will alter the course of both Sam and Shane's life, in ways they will grow to regret.

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The radio was blasting, an ecstatic announcer reporting live from the afterparty in the Tunnelers home stadium. The team had scored a miraculous 22-1 win, a near impossible feat, especially for the semi-finals! Superfans of the team were losing their minds, Zuzu city abuzz with hundreds, if not thousands, of folks in bright blue and green costumes. It was a perfect night, and no one could ask for more, especially a very, very excited Shane. This historic win paired with his 25th birthday? What could be better!

“I cannot fuckin’ believe that happened!” he practically screamed, holding his hands to his head in absolute joy and surprise. The adrenaline still pumped through him, not yet fading since they’d left the stadium.

“Language, Shane… Jas can hear you,”

“Sorry Ams,” Shane apologized, “But holy sh-... Yoba, that was insane. How do you even do that? Twenty two to one?!”

“No clue but I’m not questioning it!” Jason grinned, looking back at his friend through the rearview mirror, “Maybe they’ll get even more wins like that once you’re on the team!”

“Still haven’t even heard back from the arena league yet, they’re still makin’ their decisions,” Shane shrugged, a cautious excitement about him. He’d put in his application weeks ago, having high hopes for his dreams of going pro. Playing varsity gridball at ZCU was almost a guaranteed ticket to the minor leagues, and if he did well enough there he could be moved up to the major league, finally fulfilling that dream he so desperately worked towards all his life.

“You’ll get in man, don’t worry,” Jason assured, “They’d be stupid not to take you on, right?”

Jason looked to his wife sitting in the passenger seat next him, his smile falling quickly. She had looked so happy in the stadium, so ecstatic about the win. But now? She looked so worried, crossing her arms and staring at the dashboard in front of her, quiet as ever. He reached a hand to her shoulder, rubbing his thumb across it in a comforting motion, “What’s wrong, babe?”

Amelia huffed, shaking her head quickly, “I don’t like this route… I still think we should’ve gone the backroads,”

“Ams, that would’ve added 40 minutes to the drive for no reason,” Shane explained yet again, sounding exasperated, “This’ll get us back to your place the fastest,”

“I know that… it’s just-” Amelia looked out at the city around her. Every street corner was packed with partying Tunnelers fans, cars lined up for miles to go to bars and restaurants after the big win. The city was packed full, more-so than usual, and it made her incredibly nervous, “People act stupid when we get wins like this. It gets people hurt, I didn’t want to be on this road just in case.”

“Babe, it’s gonna be okay,” Jason’s voice was soft and assuring, “We know what we’re doing, this is safe…”

“I’m not worried about your driving, I’m worried about other people!” Amelia groaned, “I just have a bad feeling about this,”

“Nothing is gonna happen, I promise,” Jason took her hand, giving it a soft kiss right on top. Amelia could just swoon, loving just how sweet Jay would get when he saw her get nervous like this. Making her feel comfortable and safe was a priority, and he’d waste no opportunity to let her know how much he cared, “We’ll be okay, Ams… Just trust me,”

Amelia nodded, looking just a bit more comfortable, her mind slowly easing, “Okay…”

“Come onnnn,” Jason drew out playfully, squeezing her hand tight, “We had a great night! You should be happy!”

“I am happy,”

“Then where’s that smile?” Jason asked, an air of silliness in his voice, “That gorgeous smile from my gorgeous wife that I can’t live without,”

“You’re so corny,” Amelia stifled back a laugh, only egging on Jason further, “Ahhh but you love me!”

Amelia shook her head, unable to keep a smile off her face much longer, “Yeah… I guess I do,” she mused sweetly.

The look just melted Jason’s heart. He leaned over to give her a quick kiss on the cheek, “Love you, Ams,”

“Love you too, bluejay” she mused, holding onto his hand as he drove on, feeling just a bit safer by his side.

Jason looked back to Shane, giving him a devious smirk through the rearview mirror, “And besides, if anything does happen, we’ll just blame Shane!”

“Very funny,” Shane rolled his eyes, giving Jason a sarcastic smile back. A high pitch laughter rang out next to him, little Jas in her carseat giggling away. Shane laughed, leaning over to look at her, “Oh yeah? Is that funny, Jassy?”

The baby squealed happily, grabbing tight onto the muffling headphones she’d been wearing at the stadium to protect her little ears. She wore the cutest little green onesie with “My First Tunnelers Game” written in bubble letters on the front, the team's logo in the middle. She continued to laugh on as Shane cooed and spoke in a silly voice to her, the two of them completely unaware of what was about to unfold. He felt a cold chill run through him when he heard Amelia suddenly scream, looking up to see the bright headlights of a truck barreling towards them, the hot glow of the lights burning his cheeks. Knowing he had not even a second to react, Shane threw himself over the car seat next to him, squeezing his eyes shut tight as he felt the impact throw them backwards, his head slamming against the window behind him, shattering it as the car flipped. The last thing he remembered was the sound of crunching metal, a shooting pain through his body, then everything going dark.

Shane shot up from where he lay in bed, body drenched in sweat, heart beating so fast he feared he must be having a heart attack. He felt like he couldn’t breathe, clutching tightly at his chest, letting out choked coughs as he tried to hold back from vomiting. It felt all too real, like he was once again sitting in the back of that car. Within a few moments he began to crash back down to reality. He was in his room at Marnie’s. He was safe now. He put a hand to his left knee, rubbing a thumb over the deep scar that ran along the length of it. Every time he had that nightmare he hoped it would just be that. Only a nightmare. But without fail, he’d wake up and see that scar again, an instant reminder that it was very much real.

The alarm on his radio began to beep obnoxiously, coaxing him to finally get out of bed. 7:00 AM, nearly time for work. Giving himself just a moment more to adjust, he forced himself up to get ready for the day. Dressed in his uncomfortable and horridly ugly uniform, he made his way out of the ranch, leaving long before anyone else awoke.

Stocking the shelves in Jojamart was a monotonous and seemingly never ending task, but one Shane didn’t entirely mind. It was quiet, for the most part, and it was predictable. In a life full of the unknown, he was glad to have at least one thing that was consistent day-to-day.

However, there was something different today. The normally content and happy Sam looked nervous, giving Shane awkward glances occasionally through their shift. It weirded him out, if he was honest. The hell was his problem? What was that kid's deal? Shane tried to ignore it, thinking it was just another quirk of his, but by the time their shift was coming to an end, he couldn’t take it anymore. The two finally left the store for the day, Shane giving him the side eye as they began the journey back to their homes.

“Sam, if you have something to say, say it,” he sighed, giving him a most exasperated look.

“Oh it’s nothin’ man, don’t worry,” Sam spoke quickly, his voice almost warbling from nervousness. Yoba Almighty Shane was getting tired of it.

“Samson.”

“Okay!” Sam groaned anxiously, “Okay fine… I wanted to ask… you have a car, right?”

“... Yes?” Shane answered, looking more skeptical than ever, “Why?”

“Well… Goblin Destroyer landed a sweet gig last minute in Zuzu City tomorrow and we really need a way to get there with our equipment!” Sam blurted out, a nervous smile on his face, “The bus’ll be too small to carry our equipment and no one else can take us,”

Shane blinked slowly, taking it all in, “None of you guys have a car? I thought one of ya’s had somethin’. Doesn’t that Sebastian kid drive? And your mom?”

“Yeahhh well..” Sam started, “It starts too late and it’s too late notice for my mom… and transporting three people, a bass, keyboard, speakers, and drums on a motorbike wouldn’t really work…”

“True…”

Sam shoved a hand in his pocket, looking nervous yet again, “So… Could we use it? If it’s okay. ”

Shane thought for a moment. There was no way in hell he was entrusting his car with those three. It wasn’t like he didn’t trust Sam, but he hardly knew Abby and Sebastian, the latter of whom would be driving. Having those two in the car without him there to supervise, he wasn’t exactly sure how to feel. Though… he could always go with them. It was last minute, but it wasn’t like he had many plans for tomorrow anyways, just sitting and sulking mostly. Would they even want him to go? Would it make them uncomfortable? He looked at Sam’s nervous expression, visible through his entire body. His face, the way he stood, it was so obvious. Finally he sighed, and gave his answer.

“Only if I drive,”

“You… wanna come?” Sam looked surprised, “N-not that I don’t mind! It’s great! I just didn’t think you’d want to,”

“That’s on you for makin’ assumptions,” Shane scoffed lightly, “Just tell me when and where,”

Sam scrambled to pull a piece of paper from his pocket, scribbling down an address quickly before handing it off to Shane. It took him just a second to decipher Sam’s chicken-scratch handwriting, but the moment he did, his heart sank just a bit.

“It’s some small venue right by the Tunnelers Stadium. We’re not startin’ til 8, but I think we should get there early since it’s gonna be wild in the city. Y’know, with the playoffs happening,” Sam shrugged. He took a look at Shane’s expression, seeing how pale he’d gotten, how his eyes dulled and glazed over, “... Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m-” Shane cleared his throat, “Yeah, I’m fine. Just have everyone meet up at the ranch tomorrow and we’ll pack up the car, okay?”

“Are you sure you’re sure?”

“Sam if you ask again I’m changing my answer,”

“Okay! Okay… Thank you,” Sam smiled, “I’ll see you tomorrow,”

He watched Sam run off, the young man suddenly having much more of a spring in his step. All he felt was such intense nervousness. Shane made the reluctant decision to skip the saloon that night, heading straight for home. His mind was far too clouded with thoughts of what he had just agreed to. He almost wanted to call Sam and tell him nevermind, that he wouldn’t be going after all. But maybe this would be good. Maybe he needed to do something nice on that day for once. Only time would tell if he would regret this decision.

--------------

As excited as Sam was for the concert, no one’s excitement could even come close to Marnie’s. The moment Shane told her he was getting out of the house, going into the city for an event as well, oh she went wild. She spent the entire afternoon leading up to the concert making the ranch house look sparkling clean, flitting around with such a spring in her step. Jas helped as well, just excited to see everyone in the house look so happy for once.

Sam and Shane leaned against the shop counter, Sam chattering away a mile a minute about what to expect for the venue, his first-show nervousness incredibly obvious to everyone around him. That on top of Marnie making such a fuss about things made him feel so nervous he could explode.

“I am so happy you’re finally going to do something with friends!” she mused, trying hard to stifle the excitement in her voice. She looked to Sam, motioning around the house, “Make yourself at home, please! There’s food and seats in the kitchen, take what you’d like for the road,”

“Oh, it’s okay, I’m fine, really!”

“I insist, you and your friends are guests!” Marnie mused, “Our home is yours,”

“She’s just gonna keep insistin’ until you do,” Shane whispered, “She gets… excited about guests.”

“Yeah, I can tell,” Sam laughed nervously, drumming his fingertips on the counter, “Yoba I’m so nervous… Do you think I should check my bass’ tuning again? Just in case?”

“You’re goin’ to get yourself so worked up you’re gonna be sick, stop,” Shane huffed, “Everything is fine,”

“Exactly. Don’t get yourself worked up over nothing,” Marnie chimed in. She approached Shane, fussing over his clothes and hair to make sure they looked as presentable as possible. So much for not getting worked up over nothing. She tsked as she looked him up and down, not exactly sure how she felt about the torn jeans and leather jacket look, the clunky boots that went to his knees. It reminded her so much of how he dressed in highschool and college, the alt look something that wasn’t exactly her taste, “Oh Shane, do you need to dress this… dark? And with all the tears and rips?… Wouldn’t you want to wear something brighter?”

“It’s a rock concert, everyone’s dressing like this,” Shane scoffed lightly, adjusting his jacket back to the way he had it, “I think it looks good too, right?”

“... Of course!” Marnie breathed out, “If you’re happy, I’m happy!”

“Sam, could we get some help out here?” a slightly frustrated looking Sebastian peeked his head through the doorway, pointing back towards the car, “Ab’s is strugglin’ to get the drumset in the back, we need an extra set of hands,”

Shane stepped forward instead, confusing Sam just a bit by the action, “I’ll do it, don’t need them breakin’ somethin’ in the car,”

He left Sam and Marnie on their lonesome as he went to go help, Marnie immediately turning her attention to him, “So…! Goblin Destroyers, hmm? What inspired that?”

“Heh, Abby came up with that, actually!” Sam shrugged, “I dunno, just sounded kind of bada- cool.”

Marnie let out a bit of a laugh, “No need to censor yourself, my boy swears so much he makes sailors look like saints.”

“Yeah, heh,” Sam put a hand to the back of his head, looking sheepish as ever. The nerves over the show were getting to his head, frustrating him deeply. He felt so confident about it in the days leading up to the event, being so incredibly excited for it all. But now? He was second guessing himself, running over little checklists in his head to ensure he had absolutely everything ready. But something still felt missing. Something important, too. He racked his mind, trying to figure out what it was, until finally-

“Ugh, we forgot to buy a recorder!” he groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. Of course they forgot something like that. Now they had nothing to record the show with, nothing to capture this milestone moment for their first ever concert. Marnie just smiled on, “Oh, Shane has one! You could use it,”

“Really?”

“Mm-hm!” Marnie nodded, “He had film classes in college, made all kinds of funny little movies with his friends back in the day. He should still have the recorder and some tapes. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind recording the show for you,”

“That would… be awesome, actually,” Sam perked up. Looks like things worked out after all!, “It’d be great to have someone who’s pro at it!”

“The recorder should be somewhere in his room, I think,” Marnie mused, thinking intently, “He has this big box full of… stuff., you can’t miss it. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if you grabbed it,”

Sam looked back towards the door, watching Shane and Sebastian struggling to fit the drumset in the trunk of the car, much too busy with that herculean task to overhear the conversation, “I don’t know… I think I should ask him first,” “Oh, it’s fine!” Marnie waved him off, giving Sam a confident look, “Like I said, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind! Besides, he loved making those little movies, I’m sure he’d feel honored to be the one to record your first show!”

“Well… if you say so,”

“His room is just over there, first door to your left in the kitchen, can’t miss it!” she motioned her hand in the direction of the room, sending Sam off on his way. Part of him still felt very nervous to be going into his room without permission, but if Marnie said it was fine then it should be… right?

Opening the door, Sam didn’t expect it to be as messy as it was. Compared to how it was just a week ago, the room was much better inside, but still quite indicative of someone struggling. Sam had guessed that Shane was struggling to some extent, seeing obvious signs of someone dealing with a declining state of mental health. But seeing this just made his heart drop a little. He felt bad for even being in here, especially when Shane didn’t know. He’d just have to be quick about it. He took a slow scan around the room to look for the box, finally catching a glimpse of a bulky camcorder sticking out of a cardboard box, exactly like Marnie had told him. He lifted it from its spot, grabbing what looked to be a blank VHS that sat beneath it, sliding it into a slot in the side. This was going to be perfect.

If only he had flipped it over to see the label on the other side.

Stepping back outside, he found Sebastian waiting for him in the foyer, looking exasperated as ever. It seemed the first-show nerves were getting to everyone, “Come on, man, we’re gonna hit traffic, let’s go!”

“I’m comin’, don’t worry,”

Sam speedwalked his way to the car, gently setting the camcorder in a spare spot in the trunk before closing it all the way, climbing into the passenger seat next to Shane. His giddy smile faded quickly when he looked to his friend, seeing Shane sitting there, gripping the wheel with a glazed over expression, “You feeling okay, man?”

Shane nodded slowly, shaking himself out of it, “Yeah… I’m fine, just got lost in thought I guess,” he turned his gaze back to the window at his side, finding Marnie and Jas standing patiently at the side.

“Are you sure I can’t go?” Jas asked, a bit of a whine in her voice.

“Show starts after your bedtime kiddo,” Shane explained, “Be good for aendi, okay?”

Jas nodded reluctantly and stepped to the side, letting Marnie take her spot.

“You’ve got everything done right?” she asked, “for the concert and home?”

“Yes, aendi, I got it,”

“Evening chores done?”

“Mm-hm,”

“Errands run?”

“Mm-hm,”

“You fixed the cabinet in the foyer?”

“Yes, I got it under control,” Shane confirmed in an exasperated tone, “Don’t worry,”

“I’m just asking! I want to decorate it tonight and needed to know,” she huffed, giving him a smile, “Have a good night, schatz.”

-------------

The venue was much simpler than Shane expected. It was a simple stage sitting up against a brick building with graffiti on the walls, an empty field laying in front of it. As quaint as it was, it seemed perfect for the trio in his eyes. A lowkey venue in the city felt like the perfect first venue for a start-up underground band like Goblin Destroyer. Abigail and Sebastian had already gotten to work setting up their instruments and speakers, Sam taking a chance to inspect the venue and make sure everything was to his liking. That nervousness was still clear on his face, seemingly multiplied now that they were actually here. Shane couldn’t deny he was feeling just a bit nervous himself.

The sky was beginning to turn orange, the night well on its way. The air was abuzz with noise, cheering from the Tunnelers stadium carrying over through the wind. It made him feel just a bit queasy, a knot forming in his stomach as he looked over towards the stadium, staring at it with a glazed over expression. He hadn’t been in this part of the city for a while, purposely avoiding it as much as he possibly could. Being here made so much come back to him, and it was entirely overwhelming. He flinched when he felt a hand slap at his shoulder, Sam approaching him from behind, Sebastian and Abigail trailing along, “Wanna help get things set up? People will be here soon,”

“Actually…” Shane started, pulling out his phone to look at the time. 20 minutes until showtime, “You mind if I leave to get somethin’ done first?”

“The show’s about to start, can it wait?” Abigail questioned, “What if you get back too late?”

“It’s important,” Shane assured, seriousness in his tone, “Look, I’ll set a timer and be back asap, alright?”

Sam nodded nervously, seemingly answering for the band, though he was nervous about Shane getting back late himself. Shane walked off on his own way, a clear mission in mind. First, he needed to make a stop at a little flower stand down the street. Then, there was something he hadn’t done in quite some time that he needed to do, something he needed to catch up on.

The plastic wrappings on the flower arrangements crackled in Shane’s hands as he approached those old gravesites. He hadn’t been here in so long, feeling his heart twinge at seeing how much of a mess they’d become in his absence. He did his best to brush off all the dead leaves and dirt covering the headstones, placing the flowers down just in front of them, sitting himself onto the dirt. He folded his hands, sitting in silence for some time before he could muster the courage to speak.

“I know it’s been a while… sorry,” he whispered, “It’s a long drive now, and I’ve gotten really busy recently. New job, new home and all…”

He paused as if waiting for a response, a response he knew would never come, “Jas is doing well. She’s such a smart kid, and she’s really going places. You’d be real proud of her.” he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes so he didn’t have to look at the stones in front of him, “If there really is some afterlife and you can see how I’ve been doing… I hope you can forgive me. I don’t know what my problem is, why I keep doing these things. I want to be better though, and I hope you know that I’m trying…”

The little timer on his watch began to beep, his time here already coming to a close. The sun was beginning to set over the city skyline now, and the concert would begin in just a few minutes. Standing from his spot, he gave the headstones one last glance, “I’ll try to visit again soon, promise…love you guys,”

The walk back to the venue was short, Shane’s mind buzzing with anticipation. Attendees had already begun to roll in, a mixture of city folk and people he recognized from the valley, all chattering away in the field in front of the stage, anticipating the event. Shane snuck backstage to meet back up with the band, finding Sam pacing around, a complete nervous wreck. He held his bass in his hands, staring down at the ground as he paced back and forth, feeling like his heart would burst from his chest any moment. He only stopped when he felt a hand on his shoulder, Shane giving him a knowing look.

“Stop gettin’ yourself worked up… It won’t help the performance…”

“I know… I know…” Sam nodded, biting his lip. He peeked out through the curtains, seeing Abigails parents and Robin standing out in the crowd, talking to each other happily as they waited for the show to begin. He was happy for them, truly… but he couldn’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy. Maybe that was why he was so nervous.

“What’s this doin’ here?”

Shane’s question redirected Sam, snapping him out of that daze. He turned to see Shane holding up the camcorder, looking at it with an interested expression. Looking at it gave him such a sense of familiarity. He had one just like it at home after all!

“Oh… I was wondering if you could record the show? I heard you’re really good with that stuff,”

“I’m rusty for sure but… yeah,” A hint of a smile found it’s way onto Shane’s face as he hoisted it onto his shoulder, “I’ll see you after the show,”

Sam gave him a weak, nervous smile as Shane walked off, taking a deep breath to prepare himself. He had this, he could do this! With Abby and Seb here too, he knew the three of them could do this. He just had to get over this hurdle, this bit of nerves, and he would be just fine.

Shane settled himself in the middle of the crowd, aiming the camera to get a good view of the stage, adjusting the lens for the best zoom and quality, ready at any moment for his cue. Switching it on, he could feel the humming of the inner machinery against his ear, the LED screen quickly flickering to life. Oddly enough, a message flashed onto the screen, warning him about “full memory” on whatever tape Sam had brought with him. It was odd, but Shane assumed he must’ve brought some junk tape along, something easily replaceable. He remembered buying dozens of them back in college, filming over old movies and tapes he found at thrift stores and yard sales to save himself the cost of buying new ones. He fumbled for the button to override the warning, steadying himself as the film began to roll.

Soon enough, Goblin Destroyer appeared on stage, the band decked out with fancy costumes made just for their grand debut. Sam stood tall and confident in the middle of the stage, announcing the band to the crowd with the biggest grin on his face, a sparkle appearing in his eye when they began to go wild, cheering him on before the first song even began.

Listening to their band on tape was one experience, but hearing them in person was entirely unmatched. It almost made Shane wish he wasn’t the one recording, so he could just focus on the music and how it was making him feel. Standing there in that crowd, feeling the boom of the bass send shocks through the crowd, seeing the audience enjoying every second of the music, it brought him back to a much simpler time, a time where he was a much happier and younger man. Memories of sneaking off to shows just like these in highschool, breaking curfew just for the chance to listen to good music, the days of staying out far too late at these shows in college, it was all coming back to him. He felt like he had been transported back in time just by standing here, and he was enjoying every spare second of it.

The show went on without a hitch, and the crowd was absolutely wild well after the curtains closed. Pausing the recording, Shane left his spot in the crowd to head back to the backstage area inside the building, finding the three friends huddled together on some old sofas, chattering excitedly about the show. They were off in their own little world, not even noticing that he had come back to check on them. It was almost adorable seeing how excited they were about their performance.

Holding the camcorder in his hands, Shane aligned his sights with the trio in front of him, focusing the lens with precision. Sebastian and Abigail discussed their performance, talking about the more technical aspects of it all, what they wanted to practice on in the future, all the while Sam looked to be planning some sort of prank, a devious look on his face as he attempted to get the steel-faced Sebastian to crack a smile with his antics. As the three of them burst into laughter, Shane couldn’t help but feel his heart grow warm. HeHe could tell the three of them genuinely loved each other, adored each others presence. He blinked, and just for a second, the scene in front of him changed.

The trio of young adults he knew disappeared from the view of the camera lens, replaced by three people that could only be seen together in photos now. A much younger version of himself, Jason, and Amelia sat in those seats, the voices of Sam’s trio warping to match theirs. It made Shane feel like he’d seen a ghost, three ghosts at that. But when he blinked again, Sebastian, Sam, and Abigail sat there once more, chatting away like normal.

Abigail caught a glimpse of him out of the corner of her eye, frowning when she saw his shell-shocked expression, “Woah, you alright?”

“Yeah I’m fine Amelia,”

“That’s… not my name,”

Shane felt his cheeks grow pink when he realized his mistake, shaking his head apologetically, “Sorry, I don’t know where I got that from…”

Sam motioned for him to shut the camera off, waving Shane to sit with the trio, “I’m sure it’s fine, now c’mere! We got somethin’ for you,”

Shane shut off the camera and placed it to the side, sitting down where Sam had instructed him. The man had such a cheesy grin on his face, his eyes crinkling in the corners. It made him just the smallest bit concerned. Was this another prank?

“Okay… what’s this about, Sam?”

Sam placed down a small white box on the table with the saloons logo printed on top, pushing it over to Shane, “Open it!”

Shane gave him a skeptical look, fully expecting it to be some kind of prank, “Sam…”

“Just open it!”

With a shrug, Shane decided to listen, undoing the thin string wrapped around the box. Opening the flap on top, he revealed a small cake, candles and fancy red lettering reading “Happy Birthday!” on top of it. His breath hitched for just a moment, a confusing feeling running through him. He was unable to tell if he was excited or dreading it, unable to figure out how to respond. Sam looked so excited, so proud of himself for the gesture, “You didn’t really say anything about your birthday, so I figured you’re the kinda guy who doesn’t like to make a big deal out of it. But, I felt bad not doing anything, especially when you hauled us all the way out here for the show,”

“How did… how did you even know?” Shane asked, “I don’t think I told you it was today,”

“Morris made me n’ Claire sign one of those company cards!” Sam mused, pulling out a lighter and aiming it towards the candles, “Now all we have’ta do is sing!”

“Oh you don’t have to, really,” Shane immediately felt himself go pink in the face. For some reason he couldn’t explain, this part of birthday celebrations always made him incredibly shy. There was no exact reason, it just… did.

“Just let him do it, he loves it,” Seb whispered, leaning over in his direction, “He does this for all of us,”

Much to his embarrassment, Shane sat and listened as Sam led his friends in singing ‘happy birthday’, the first time he’d heard it sung for him in a long while. As shy as he was about it, he couldn’t deny it made him feel just a bit warmer inside. He often had a difficult time believing people cared about him like this, believing instead that people were just being polite more than anything. But for Sam to go out of his way for this, on his special day too, it solidified for him that maybe he truly did care about him. Sam was a good friend, one Shane didn’t feel like he deserved, but one he appreciated nonetheless.

The four of them sat in that backstage room well into the night, enjoying each other’s company, chattering away. The night had been a grand success in more ways than one, and they couldn’t be happier, Sam especially. He was surrounded by great friends, celebrating together, just enjoying the moment. He noticed how happy and lively Shane was especially. His eyes looked like they were sparkling and bright, he was so involved in conversation, laughing away with abandon. He was truly enjoying himself, just living in the moment. It made Sam realize that he couldn’t remember a time where he saw him like this before. This was the first time he’d ever seen Shane genuinely smile and enjoy himself in the eight months they’ve worked together. It was odd, but the good kind of odd. He hoped he would see this side of him more often.

As the night wrapped up, the four of them loaded everything back into the car, preparing to head back to the valley. Fireworks shot into the sky over the tall buildings of the city, beautiful green and blue hues illuminating the city skyline. Sam thought it was absolutely beautiful, rarely seeing displays this intricate now that he was living in such a small town. Loud cheering carried through the air from the direction of the Tunnelers stadium, a clear sign that they had won yet again. Part of him was confused that Shane didn’t seem to care though, rather focusing on getting the car packed up. Didn’t he love that team? Perhaps it was best to leave that be for now. He respected that Shane could be secretive at times, as much as he didn’t understand it.

Getting back in the car, Shane set his gps for home, choosing a long backroads route to the confusion of the young trio in the car. Sebastian frowned, leaning forward to look at the screen, “Why are you taking this route? That’s going to take forever,”

“Tunnelers won tonight, the city is going to be wild,” Shane explained bluntly, turning onto the main road towards home.

“Yeah but this add like… 40 minutes to the drive,” Abigail complained, “Is it really that worth it to-”

“This is my car and if I say we’re takin’ this route home, then that’s what we’re going to do. Got it?” Shane raised his voice, much to the shock of the passengers alongside him. He looked genuinely angry, frustrated beyond belief at the pair in the back. Sebastian blinked slowly, face frozen in surprise, “Damn… okay then, sure,”

Shane turned back to face forward, his mood soured just a bit. He sighed regrettably as he continued on the road, feeling bad about snapping like that. He didn’t feel comfortable enough with those two to explain his reasoning, but he hoped they understood he had a reason nonetheless. This time he was going to do the smart thing, whether or not his passengers understood. This time he was going to do things right. He turned up the volume on the car's radio and drove off into the night, off in his own little world.

By the time they had left the city, the backseat was finally quiet, both Abigail and Sebastian lulled into sleep over the course of the winding roads. Only Shane and Sam were wide awake, listening to the radio on a low volume so as to not disturb the passengers in the back. Sam was off in his own little world, as was Shane. Though Shane was thinking about much more serious things than the man in the passenger seat. He mulled over the night, about all that had happened. Just thinking about it all made it feel like there were words weighing on his chest, words he needed to get out in the open.

“Thank you,”

Sam turned to him, looking confused as ever, “For what?”

“For all of this. Gettin’ me out of the house, invitin’ me to this concert… it was nice,” if one looked closely, they could see the smallest smile on Shane’s face, a truly content look, “My original plans for today were to lock myself in my room n’ get wasted. It’s… a hard day for me actually,”

He gripped the steering wheel a bit tighter, finally letting what was on his mind pour out for the first time, “Today’s my birthday, but… it’s also the day Jas’ parents died. They took me to the Tunnelers playoffs to celebrate, and we got in an accident on the way home. Me and Jas, we… were the only ones to walk away from it,”

“She was there?” Sam asked, a horrified tone in his voice. Shane just nodded in response, “When it happened I tried to cover her carseat, tried to make sure she was safe. Jumped out of my own damn seat for it, and…” he reached a hand down from the steering wheel, feeling that scar on his knee yet again, “My knee got fucked up and I had to give up gridball. I was tryin’ to go pro, got really close actually… I got accepted into the arena league a week after it happened and I had to turn it down.”

“Don’t misunderstand me, I wouldn’t change my decision in that moment for anythin’ in the world,” Shane assured, holding up his hand for emphasis, “I would do it a hundred times over to keep her safe. But… I still lost it all that night. Absolutely everything. I haven’t celebrated my birthday in years because of it,”

“Oh shit- I’m sorry, is that why you were acting like that earlier?” Sam asked, his tone ridden with guilt and apology, slapping a palm to his face in embarrassment. Shane scoffed lightly and shook his head, “Don’t worry about it… it was good actually,”

“Really?”

“Really,” Shane affirmed, “This was the first year since it happened where I didn’t feel like total shit. I actually enjoyed myself today, and that’s why I wanted to thank you. I barely thought about all of it, and I didn’t just feel like I wanted to die…. I’m happy, really,”

“Well… I wanted to thank you too,” Sam admitted, “My mom wasn’t able to make it for this one… and my dad is still deployed so he wasn’t there, and honestly he has a hard time with open spaces like that anyways… but having you come kind of felt like…” he blushed and cut himself off, “Nevermind,”

“Sam…”

“... it felt like I had a parent with me tonight, kind of.” Sam admitted with a mutter, “It was nice looking out in the crowd, seeing you with the recorder cheering us on. Tonight was awesome,”

“Okay, first of all, ouch. I am not that old,” Shane let out a short laugh, “Seriously, how old do you think I am?”

“Like… maybe close to my dad’s age?”

“Samson I’m going to kill you,”

“You’re not?”

“I’m thirty-one!” Shane scoffed, almost in a state of disbelief. Did he really look that old? He shook his head, trying to get the conversation back on track, “Anyways… I’m glad it helped. And yeah, it was awesome! You three are talented, kid,”

He looked into the rearview mirror, catching a glimpse of the pair snoozing away in the back, “You’ve got some nice friends, too. Keep em close… listen to them, have fun. You never know when it’ll be your last chance to do that,”

“I will,” Sam assured, looking back at Sebastian and Abigail with all the fondness in the world, “I promise,”

The rest of the ride back to the valley was long, but enjoyable nonetheless. The excitement from the concert carried over the entire way, and Sam was entirely certain nothing would dampen this feeling, nothing at all. As of now, this was the best night of his life, and he felt like he was on top of the world.

When the quartet arrived back home, Abigail and Sebastian went their separate ways from the group, leaving Sam and Shane to unload everything back into the Neilson family home by themselves. It took some time, but eventually the instruments were back in their proper spots, perfectly ready for Goblin Destroyers’ next band practice. Everything was back where it needed to be, except for one last item. Shane re-entered Sam’s room, holding the camcorder in his hands.

"You almost forgot this!" Shane held out the item for Sam to see, “Where do you want it?"

Sam raised a brow, "That's not mine man, that's yours."

"... What?" Shane questioned. His expression melded into one of deep concern. He turned the camcorder to its side, seeing the clear initials “S.Y.” he had scratched into the plastic casing with a key years ago. It was his, "Sam where... Where did you get this? Tell me. Now."

"I told your aunt I wanted one for the show and she said there'd be one in your room! Grabbed that and a VHS before we left for the show."

No. No no no no no.

He quickly reached a shaking hand to the release button on the camcorder, pulling the VHS from its slot. He prayed that it wasn't what he thought it was. He flipped it over in his hands to see the label on the front, feeling his heart stop when he read the words scribbled in Sharpie.

"Senior Year Memories"

The final tape that had all the fun memories with him and Jas' parents, the outtakes of their films, the pranks they played, the tape with Jason's damn proposal on it. It was gone. It was all gone. Shane felt himself begin to tremble. He shoved the VHS back into the recorder, playing it back in the desperate hope that somehow he didn’t press record, that somehow the old videos would be intact. But the moment he turned it on, all he saw was the view of Sam and his friends on stage, introducing themselves for their first show.

"Shane? Shane, are you okay?" Sam asked cautiously, "What's wrong?"

"Do you have any idea what you've done?" Shane hissed out in a growl that would make anyone scared. Sam just shook his head, looking to his friend in complete bewilderment, "N-no, I-"

"You made me record over something important," Shane warbled, "It's.... FUCK-!"

He gripped the camcorder tight, feeling hot tears burn at his eyes. Shane was so angry, livid even. Sam cautiously reached out to touch his shoulder, trying to show a sign of sympathy, "Can you re-record it? I'll help you if you wa-"

"THEY'RE DEAD, SAM!" Shane screeched, throwing the recorder to the ground, destroying it on impact, "I'll never be able to re-record it again, the people in this, they're -.... They're gone. I can't get it back."

He held his head in his hands, doing that nervous laugh that verged on sobbing he always did when he got angry like this. Gritting his teeth to the point he feared they would break, he sucked in a deep breath, and spoke in a hoarse tone, "It's all your fucking fault..."

"What? Shit, dude I'm sorry..." Sam shook his head, his face showing genuine guilt, "I-I didn't know, I never would've grabbed it if I knew!"

"You didn't know because you didn't stop to think for a single second! You didn't ask, or even-" Shane threw his hands up, making a strangled, frustrated noise, "Why were you in my room in the first place?!"

"Your aunt, she said it was ok, I-"

"My aunt? You should've asked me!"

"Ok... Ok, let's relax, man." Sam put his hands up cautiously, "It's gonna be okay man, I prom-"

"The hell do you mean it's going to be okay?! It's gone now, Sam!", Shane felt his face grow red and hot, his chest feeling ready to burst, "I've already lost them once, and now this-... How could you do something so fucking STUPID?!"

"I'm so sorry... I promise I didn't mean it, I'm sorry," Sam felt himself begin to tear up, those words like a knife in his chest. Shane didn't mean that, right? He was just angry, and angry people often said things they didn't mean. But it didn't make it hurt any less.

"Oh, you're sorry! Thank you Sam, that fixes everything!" Shane laughed nervously, giving him a wry, sarcastic smile, "Hey maybe I should go ask the motherfucker who killed them to say sorry too! Maybe that'll bring them back!"

“What do you want me to do?!” Sam suddenly began to look angry, the shock of being called stupid wearing off, replaced with a quiet rage, “I tried to do something nice! I invited you to our concert, your aunt said you'd have fun recording, we celebrated your birthday, man!”

“Is that supposed to make up for this?!”

“No! But you know I would never do or say anything to hurt anyone! So why would you say that to me?!”, his voice warbled for a moment, “I'm not stupid, Shane! And you don't get to yell at me like I'm a child!”

“Then stop acting like one!” Shane barked back. Sam looked like he was ready to cry, his fists balled up so tight his knuckles were turning white. The men just stared each other down, a deep anger in their eyes. There was nothing left to say, nothing they could think of at least. Shane just turned on his heel, storming out of the room and the Neilsons home, slamming the front door behind him. Jodi ran over to Sam’s doorway, an almost horrified look on her face, “What just happened?”

“I…” Sam started, a croak in his voice, “I think I just lost a friend,”

The ranch door could’ve blown straight off its hinges with how hard Shane slammed it open. He was livid, absolutely livid. Storming into the kitchen, he found Marnie sitting at the table, patiently folding her hands as if she was waiting for something. An open box sat in front of her, it’s contents not of much concern to Shane in the moment. She didn’t look very happy herself, but Shane didn’t seem to notice in his rage.

“Did you tell Samson he could go in my room and grab my camcorder?” he demanded, trying desperately not to be so loud it would wake Jas. Marnie seemed to ignore him confusingly enough, a silent anger about her. Shane put a firm hand on the table, looking at her more intently, “Did you?”

“Why did you lie to me,” Marnie asked, her voice cold as stone. She didn’t look up, staring down at the table with such an intensity it could burn a hole through the wood. Shane’s brows knit together as he was left completely taken aback.

“Excuse me?”

Marnie pulled the box closer to him, allowing him to look closer at the contents. Shattered glass sat inside, the clear broken figure of a dancer sitting in pieces inside. The only part that wasn’t shattered into pieces was the base of the figure, gold lettering on the siding reading “Mona”, his mothers name. He’d seen this little figure only a few times before, recognizing it as a little keepsake of hers that Marnie now held dear. An old music box with a dancer on top, it’s tune etched into Shane’s memory from his childhood. It was incredibly important to his aunt. And now it was destroyed.

“You told me you fixed that cabinet. I believed you,” Marnie hissed out, “And you know what happened the moment I put this inside? The shelf fell apart again. The shelf I asked you to fix,”

“Shit…”

“And then you want to walk into my home, yell at me like this?” Marnie asked, standing from her spot. She was shorter than him, but Shane still felt like there was a presence looming over him, a terrifying one at that, “Yes, Shane! I did tell him he could! I’ll let people go where they want in my house, thank you very much! Now what is your problem?!”

“He took a tape that had videos of trips, movies and Jason’s proposal on it. He had me record over it, it’s gone,” Shane grumbled out, “And you let him take it!”

“I didn’t think he would take a full tape. You should have checked which one it was before you fil-,”

“I should have checked first?!” Shane exploded, lunging close to her face, “You don’t think maybe you should’ve checked with me before letting him take whatever he damn pleased?!”

“Keep your voice down, Jas is sleeping!”

“Why would you let him do that?!” Shane demanded, throwing his arms out wide, “Do you know what you just made me lose?! I’ll never get any of that back! That was so important to me, don’t you understand that?!”

“How is anyone supposed to know what’s important in that room?” Marnie barked back, “It’s such… a mess, in there. You’re not exactly the most organized man, Shane,”

“Oh is that what you care about? How messy my room looks? I can clean it up any day, but I can’t get that tape back. Why don’t you care?”

“Why don’t you care about this?!” Marnie pointed back to the box on the table, “That was your mothers! We have so little to remember her with as it is, and you lying to me led to it getting destroyed,”

“Holy shit, I didn’t lie! I thought I did fix it!... It was an accident, I forgot,”

“You forgot? I’ve been telling you all month about it! You knew that was important to me!”

“Well I guess no one in this house cares about what’s important to each other, then!”

The air felt like it had been pushed out of the room, both of them holding their tongues, trying not to lash out any further. They both understood that they were stubborn and quick to anger, and speaking any further would likely result in a fight someone could hear from the city. There was so much unspoken frustration the two had towards each other, so much they had been bottling up. But they wouldn’t get it out now. They couldn’t. Marnie took a deep breath to ground herself before finally responding.

“I guess we don’t.”

-----------------------

Sam felt absolutely sick to his stomach. What should have been a good night, a wonderful night, had taken such a turn for the worst. He was heartbroken at the turn, but also so, so angry. How couldn’t he be? How dare Shane call him stupid, imply he was childish and immature? Sam wasn’t either of those things, that much he knew. No matter how angry Shane was at him, and no matter if he deserved it or not, he surely didn’t deserve this treatment. He sat on the couch, holding the VHS in his hands, miraculously unbroken after Shane had smashed the camcorder. Jodi sat next to him, a comforting arm wrapped around her son, worry etched on her face.

“It’s not your fault… you didn’t know,”

“He’s right though, I should’ve asked,” Sam whispered, “Ms. Yoder was just so insistent that it was okay, I thought it would be…”

Jodi sighed, looking down at the VHS in his hands, “Why don’t we try to do something nice, hmm? I’d love to see how the show went!”

Sam looked off to the side, “I don’t know if I even wanna watch it anymore…”

Jodi took the tape from his hands, standing from her spot, “What’s done is done, Sam. Refusing to watch it won’t change anything… Why don’t we just try to enjoy it?”

He didn’t protest as Jodi slipped the VHS into a player, leaning back into the couch as she came to sit back down with him. It took just a few moments before the TV came to life, replaying the events of the night. Jodi watched on in pride, adoring how talented her son was, and how many people showed up to watch him display it. Oh how she wished she could’ve gone, to have seen the show in person. While the genre wasn’t exactly for her, she enjoyed anything that either of her sons put their passion and hearts into.

The camera switched over to the afterparty, a recording of Sam with his friends talking about how it went, what their next plans were. They all looked so happy, so incredibly excited after such a performance. Sam wished he still had that excitement in him, regretting this feeling of dread that had replaced it. He was having a hard time enjoying the tape, as much as he truly wanted to. The knowledge that in his negligence he’d accidentally destroyed an important memory for the sake of his own, it ate him up inside. It truly wasn’t his fault, he knew it deep down. But he still felt awful nonetheless.

The recording of the afterparty was drawing to a close, but instead of a prompt to rewind showing up, the tape kept going. Sam leaned forward in his seat, furrowing his brow as he stared at the screen. Where he and his friends had just been sitting moments ago, three new people took up space on the screen. The two people he had seen in that photo on the ranch… and a much younger Shane. He felt his heart nearly stop as he watched them chatter away, laughing with each other for just a few moments before the rewind prompt finally came up. It was just a few seconds, but just enough to shake him to his core.

Quickly standing to grab the remote, he rewinded just a bit, pausing as soon as the trio were visible on screen again. That young Shane stared straight into the camera, a small, content smile sitting on his face. Sam moved to sit close to the screen, looking over every pixel of the still frame on screen. They felt so familiar. They felt like him and his friends, if he was honest.

Part of him wanted to run over to the ranch, bang on the door and show Shane that there was at least something left over, a glimpse of the past still on the tape. Another part didn’t want to see him again for a long, long time. He simply ejected the tape and watched the TV fade to snow, both his and Shane’s memories disappearing from the screen. He just couldn’t bring himself to look at it any longer.

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