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carpkoinobori · 2 months ago

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[☆] mean girls — momo x reader

[𖤐] 1/1 [please be aware this is all fiction! none of this is real and idols behavior is not accurately represented.]

summary: getting on the survival show sixteen was really just a way to kickstart your acting career. who would’ve guessed it’d take such a toll on you?

pairing: momo x actress!reader

tags: not that much angst, happy ending, barely frenemies traumabonded to situationship to kinda friends to lovers, reader is just a little unstable, there is a good amount of fluff though

wc: 9.3k

cw: dieting, mild sexual content, alcohol, cigarettes (smoking), mention of covid, making out (like 4 times)

ex: not beta read, timeline was as accurate as I could make it given the fact that for some reason no one knows where twice was at during november and october of 2017

a/n: is it me if the story doesn’t have either an ed/restriction reference or catholic elements.. I love charli xcx’s music. reader has a “disgraced” older sister

you were 17 years old when you were told you made it onto sixteen.

you were a JYP trainee— not for an idol group, no, for acting. Yet, you were put into singing and dancing classes. It was a bit weird, but as long as you could perform, you didn’t mind.

you did pretty well, actually. You weren’t a top trainee by any means— this wasn’t your true passion— but you were good. You enjoyed dancing, and were pretty talented with hiphop and other less restrictive styles.

your parents had forced you into ballroom, specifically waltzes, even more specifically the Viennese waltz, since you could remember. You were a prim and proper, well-mannered, upper class girl. Perfect for acting, perfect for the silver screen.

Your father was a business magnate— specifically in transportation. He wasn’t like Samsung, no, but a manufacturer of luxury vehicles. He designed trains, bus systems, even planes, at time— he was a talented engineer, of course, but most of the work had now been relegated to employees. When you told him you wanted to be an actor, he didn’t really mind. Your mother didn’t look like she loved the idea, but it’d be good for the family image, so she conceded. After all, you’d succeed, right?

right?

What they didn’t tell you about being on a survival show is how it gets into your head.

you were competitive by nature, fueled by your parents constant reminders you needed to be the best. You were the daughter of a powerful and rich businessman, with his perfect trophy wife— their only daughter needed to be perfect, of course.

you played instruments— violin, piano, flute— were in extracurriculars— tennis, skiing, dance, language classes— had an absolutely pristine record, and perfect grades. You were the poster child of perfection, a face fit for magazines and your family, the girl a mother would tell you to bring home.

But you know, it gets tiring to be so perfect. You hadn’t had any competition— until now, that is.

Sixteen perfect, beautiful, talented girls. Seven spots.

You had never felt more desperate to prove yourself than in that moment.

It was strange, really— you didn’t want to be in an idol group. You had never even considered it. Your passion was acting, it always had been, and it always would be.

but you had never been bad at anything your whole life. Everything you had tried, you had mastered, a desperate fervor to know and prove yourself. But here you were, for once, not the best at something— and it drove you absolutely crazy.

you needed to be the absolute best, the perfect candidate— the prettiest, the best singer, the best personality, the best dancer—

you couldn’t, though. and it killed you.

You met Momo when you were 15. It was 2013, some time in the winter, although you couldn’t quite remember. Some people said she looked like you, but you didn’t really see it.

She had been a trainee for longer— since 2012– you had never really gotten the chance to talk to her, on account of the fact she didn’t speak Korean. Momo was Japanese, same as Sana. They were both close, obviously, and you had noticed they took Korean language classes with a tall Taiwanese girl you never bothered to learn the name of.

There were the trainees everyone knew would debut— Nayeon, Jihyo, Jeongyeon— and the trainees people didn’t really speak about.

You were somewhere in the middle. You had a lot of skills, both in instruments, languages, sports, and acting, but you weren’t a top trainee by any means. You stayed comfortably in the upper middle, a chance at debut but not too high, not too low to be kicked out, either.

You could dance well, of course, although you sometimes felt a burning pang of jealousy watching Momo dance. She was good at it, unreasonably so. It came so naturally to her. Like she didn’t even have to think about it.

and she was pretty, too. long black hair, black eyes you could drown in. You didn’t to stare too long. She was just.. noticeable. It’s not like she ever noticed. When she was dancing, the only thing that mattered was her reflection in the practice room mirror. Her friend, Sana, would glance at you once or twice, whenever you stared.

She knew.

you never noticed.

Practicing for the competition was obviously stressful, but nothing you couldn’t handle. You were determined, strong, not weak. You learned English, Japanese, played the piano, violin, you had kind of forgotten the flute but you could, once— you had skied since you were four, played tennis at six— you didn’t know, yet, but you would graduate high-school as valedictorian, taking the maximum amount of AP’s for the last four years.

You’d practice till you got a move, perfectly. You were the first to enter the practice room and the last to leave.

you know, contrary to what you’d think, your father’s money isn’t what got you into JYP, or their idol program, or SIXTEEN— well, maybe it played a part into getting you into JYP, but the rest was all you. All your “friends”, other kids you knew, same or richer than you, spent their time partying, shopping, crashing cars and drinking.

some, of course, worked like you. There were parents who didn’t care what their kids did, and parents who needed their children to be the paragons of perfection. Usually, the more high-class your parents were, the more in the public eye they were. Korean standards were strict, and if you didn’t mean it, you’d watch your family apologize for you on public television, renounce your name, and at times, wipe you from the will. Most kids got a pass, their parents pulled some strings, and they were free. But others? Well, the kids that were forced to work hard were usually the ones who had to pay a price.

you would not be disgraced like your sister. She lived in America, now, and you hadn’t contacted her in two years. Not like you missed her. Not like you counted.

“Momo, have you noticed that rich girl staring at you?” The dyed-brown haired girl questioned, twirling a pen in their shared dorm.

“What rich girl?” The long haired girl blinked, black hair dyed close to the same shade of her friend.

“The one sitting across from us? The one that the instructor always says you kind of look like,” she reminded, unimpressed, gesturing at her subtly with the pen.

“Why would she stare at me? She’s the daughter of some famous Korean businessman, we’re two random Japanese trainees,” Momo pointed out, causing Sana sigh and lean in a little closer.

“Momo, that’s not what I’m talking about! Even before she got moved to this dorm, she’s always looking at you. Maybe she’s jealous, you two are always getting compared to each other, after all, and I bet she feels threatened-” She rephrased, Momo’s eyes widening before she cut her off.

“Sana! Quiet down! She could hear you!”

“She’s Korean, Momo, she’s not going to know Japanese, let alone a dialect,” she pointed out, crossing her arms, flicking Momo on the forehead with an amused smile. “You know, I’m starting to think that time you hit your head really did have an effect on y-!”

“Actually, I’m fluent in both Japanese and English,” a cold voice piped up. “I don’t speak the dialects, but they’re understandable,” you added, shifting on the bunk-bed to rest on your hands, a carefully blank look on your face.

Sana turned to you in shock and embarrassment, and Momo pointed at her childishly, exclaiming, “I told you so!”

Sana and Momo had only been in Korea for about a year, at that point, and their Korean wasn’t exactly great.

“Ah.. I’m sorry..” Sana began, slowly, in Korean.

“I just told you, I speak Japanese. You don’t have to speak in Korean. That’s why they placed me here, though. To help you two with your Korean,” you informed, pronunciation sharp and undeniably the standard Tokyo-way of speaking.

“Right.. I’m sorry for talking about you,” Sana began, again, feeling a little humiliated, which made her a bit annoyed. She wasn’t a gossip or anything, you just stared at Momo a lot. It was noticeable. You two were constantly being compared to each other for your similarities in looks, after all.

“It’s fine,” you dismissed, with a wave of your hand. “I’m sure it seems like I stare a lot, but it’s just because I like to analyze the competition, not because I’m jealous of.. well, you two,” you voiced, regarding them both with an amused smile.

To be completely transparent, you were a little jealous of Momo. She was an absolutely amazing dancer. But of course, no one had to know that.

“You know we’re going to be on a survival show, don’t you?” you asked, with a tilted head and pointed stare.

“Well, yeah, we know.. but why am I competition?” Momo blinked, pointing at herself.

You let out a sharp, pointed laugh, almost in disbelief.

“You’re not a bad dancer, and don’t rank too low, either. It’s a seven member group. There’s not a lot of room to be mediocre,” your words were calculated, given sharply, seriousness gracing your words. Momo frowned, mood souring slightly at your clipped, dismissive tone. She didn’t notice, though, how serious you seemed— how some cutthroat ideology laced your words.

Sana did, though. As much as Sana presented herself as an airhead, she was unbelievably smart— especially with people. She knew intentions, how to talk to people, how to get what she wanted with words. You knew this, and recognized her for what she was— a clever, determined, but kind girl. She’d do what she needed to do to get what she wanted, of course, but she’d try to help you along as far as she could. It wasn’t clear to you, yet, if she’d give up her space to let someone else take it.

You weren’t sure you’d ever know.

“Anyway, I have some essays to finish. I’ll graduate this year,” you added, breaking the tension, laying on your bed and taking out your school laptop, beginning to write.

The two Japanese girls stared, dumbfounded, and quietly slinked out of the room after a few minutes. It was too awkward, and you seemed so unbothered, unflappable after that little display— some of the other trainees were intimidated by you, whispers of how you were only in this program to “challenge” yourself, or that it was sure you’d debut because of your father, or talents, or how you were the smartest trainee— all rumors, all untrue. You were placed here for a reason unknown to you, and didn’t even rank particularly high at the moment. You were slowly climbing the ranks, though, and had sat comfortably in fifth place by the time SIXTEEN started.

Although, you’re sure all those people who whispered about you in the halls would be shocked to learn that you’d never end up debuting in the nation’s girl group. A successful actress, of course, but an idol? That wasn’t your fate to have.

Right at the end of June, falling into early April is when filming began.

Your life became practicing, training, working out, practicing, showcasing, and only barely sleeping.

You were still in a dorm with Sana and Momo, although a fourth girl— Chaeyeon— happened to be there as well.

She was the first to be eliminated, though, and it was just you three again.

Sana and Momo had gotten very close with another, younger Japanese trainee named Mina. Mina was very pretty, and had done ballet, and you could already just feel she would debut.

You liked Mina. She was probably who you were closest with. She grew up pretty well off, as well, and did ballet. You could relate to her, and she was the only one you’d keep in touch with after the show.

It was getting harder and harder to believe you’d debut.

Nayeon and Jeongyeon would definitely debut— Mina would, too, along with probably Momo and Sana. Dahyun was really popular, as well as Tzuyu, and there were only seven spots. Jihyo was too good of a singer to be sure what the final lineup would be, and Chaeyoung would be a good rapper— it was all so confusing. It made you all the more desperate to prove yourself wrong, though, because a part of you knew, deep down, you wouldn’t debut. A week before the first day of filming, you had snuck out to the convenience store. It was dark, late at night— you had a craving. Your father smoked cigars, your mother drank vodka and whiskey— not mixed, of course.

you were just scraping 18, now, having graduated in February. You couldn’t legally have a drink, or even smoke till 19, but a part of you itched to try it, curious.

obviously, you weren’t going to risk ruining your image. You loitered around the store, scanning the aisles, but ultimately not buying anything, unable to find something worth possibly gaining weight for.

the managers had been particularly strict before the start of the show.

you went back to your dorm, still restless, and exhausted at the same time.

the life of a trainee was draining.

When SIXTEEN began, everything shifted. You and Momo were still dorming together, but Sana was moved with Mina and there were a lot of other changes.

you were becoming antsy and restless. Watching people get eliminated was taking a toll on you. You ate less, slept less, practiced more— it was getting to you.

momo had begun eating less. a lot less. You couldn’t afford to be worried, you had to focus on yourself.

What no one would tell you about a survival show is that bonds are fickle. You wanted to care about other people, but once you had gotten a taste of the applause, the fans, all the love that came with being in the spotlight— you got hooked.

you were popular among the fans, your skills weren’t bad, maybe you could really debut. It started worming it’s way into your head.

the hunger and exhaustion was making everyone a bit volatile, a bit too confrontational— you were guilty of it, too.

you refused to build any friendships, while you were there, but built a very strong rivalry with Momo.

Everything she did, you did, trying to do it better.

You’d practice at the same time, next to each other, giving backhanded compliments on form and criticism to each other’s footwork and lines

You’d try your best to outdo each other, fueled by the constant comparison and the fact that you two were almost never on the same team together.

but when Momo was eliminated, you felt your heart drop.

you told yourself it was good, less competition that way. But a part of you felt.. empty.

you practiced, going through the motions, but it felt wrong. It was all robotic. There was no passion or emotion, and for that, you were eliminated the ninth episode, along with another girl.

from there, you threw yourself back into acting. You made your acting debut about a year later, months after Twice had debuted.

no one would ever know, though, that you had watched of the rest of the episodes, and congratulated Mina on her debut, telling her you were happy the three of them (Mina, Sana, Momo) would get to debut together. You debated on telling Momo yourself, maybe heading to the practice rooms to do so, out of begrudging respect and happiness, but you never did.

and so began the next nine years.

year 1; mid-May, 2016 | Korea

you had just exited the JYP building, into the cool night of the city after light rainfall. May wasn’t ever too hot, an easy 70 degrees out. It was a bit cold, but that was nothing. It was maybe thirty minutes to twelve, the city sparkling like the stars that were drowned out by smoke and light pollution.

You leaned on the building, debating on whether or not to go out to eat or just go straight home. You were pushed out of your thoughts when you heard the doors open and close, glancing at the person exiting the building.

Momo. Hirai Momo, with light caramel hair, now, looking tired, in some casual practice outfit thrown together hastily.

she still looked good.

her eyes were dark, glancing at some message on her phone. The bright white light illuminated her face, and you were about to quietly slink away when you both made eye contact.

“Momo,” you began, always eager to get the first word in, but not sure what to say.

She stared at you, obviously recognizing you. “Y/n,” she greeted. “I heard you’ve made your acting debut. Congratulations,” she offered, and the Korean off her tongue didn’t sound exactly right to you.

“Thank you,” you murmured. “I saw that you debuted. The song was good. Congratulations,” was your reply, tone polite. Momo knew that you and Mina still spoke, even going out to eat together whenever you both had the time, which wasn’t often.

“Thank you,” she replied back, and you hated how awkward everything felt.

“Well, I’m gonna g-”

“Do you want to come with me to the convenience store?” Momo asked, suddenly, immediately backtracking when your words registered. “If you have to go then go, don’t worry about it, nevermind,”

“I’ll go,” you agreed, not entirely sure why you did. “I haven’t eaten yet, anyway,”

the two of your walked a bit far off, entering the convenience store with a little chime and feeling the need to make conversation.

“So.. Momo, why are you practicing so late?” You asked, conversationally.

“We have so many albums and songs lined up, for this year.. we’re working on one right now. I’m sure Mina’s told you,” she murmured, voice low so as to not disturb anyone.

“She’s mentioned that you’re all.. busy,” you agreed, and you noticed how she looked thinner, more tired, somehow older in the span of a year.

she was still beautiful, of course, but you’ve been seeing beautiful people your whole life.

“Is it what you wanted?” You asked, forced lightness in your voice, though it might’ve come out more accusing than you wanted. It wasn’t her fault you got eliminated. Kind of.

She looked at you for a long time, fingers ghosting over some matcha candy you couldn’t name, parts of a life you probably wouldn’t ever see.

“I think it will be,” she replied, looking at the selection of green, instead of at you. the night was warmer on the walk back to your dorm. A grassy, slightly bitter taste sat comfortably in your mouth.

you’d have to start drinking matcha, more.

year 2; early November, 2017 | Korea

Likey had just dropped, and signal had won Twice international success. They were pushing Japan, doing promotions there so constantly you had half a mind to just ask them why they wouldn’t move there, and a nomination to the Korean Popular Culture and Arts Awards.

you were there too, of course, for your roles in a myriad of dramas, at that point.

You had been the lead role in “Strong girl Bonsoon” and “My Ghost” respectively. You were young, yes, 19, almost 20, now— but you had achieved amazing successes, just like the girls you sat near, now.

there was a reason there were almost no pictures of twice at the awards, and you couldn’t find their speeches.

You won, not unsurprisingly, as did Twice, and sat through the performances. You spoke to Mina, easily, but she went to go talk to Jihyo about something, at one point, and you couldn’t really remember or care— both you and Momo could drink now, and they were giving out free champagne.

as the performances closed, everyone had received their awards— you headed to the bathrooms. They were empty, and you stared at yourself in the mirror. Face flushed, hair and makeup still intact, though, black silk dress unmarred by any stains, something you’d bought just to prove to yourself you made it, had your own money now, didn’t need your parents—

the door opened, and Momo appeared inside. It took one glance and the sound of a lock clicking before her lips were on yours.

she tasted like good alcohol and something sweet, your hands in her perfectly styled hair. She pressed you against the wall, your pretty and pink lipstick mixing with her darker one, pulling apart after nearly a minute and a half, panting, your eyes dazed and dilated.

“you have an apartment now, right?” she murmured, breathless.

you did have an apartment, bought the second you turned 19, trying to prove you didn’t need your parents, still. You had made it, for fucks sake.

“I do,” you answered, and you both managed to make it there without any cameras flashing.

your apartment was near the Han river, a testament to your success. It was small, one bedroom, with a large-enough kitchen and spacious living room, large windows that let the city lights in.

the apartment was bathed in a cool, blue glow, by both the night sky, and the building outside the window.

You and Momo had stumbled into the space, hurriedly locking the door without breaking the kiss, barely making it to the bedroom. The apartment had large, wide windows, taking up nearly the entire wall. There were curtains, of course, but they were a bit sheer, and white. The lights of the city illuminated the dark room, letting your fingers fumble with the zipper of Momo’s dress, getting it off.

Her hair was mussed, and you were sure yours was the same, but you didn’t care, right now.

Lipstick stains adorned her mouth, the two of you having created a muted, glossy color, that would later become a favorite, then something you hated, to something you’d think about, fondly.

She took off your dress, carefully— it was Dolce and Gabbana— although hers was much the same, in the sense that it must’ve been designer, as well, although you didn’t bother to check the tag.

Both articles of clothing ended up sprawled on the wooden floor, anyway, forgotten.

you kissed her desperately, the two of you thoroughly lost in each other.

your skin burned, her hands feeling too hot, your brain slowly melting away every other worry other than her.

to be honest, you were a little too drunk to remember everything that had happened.

you kind of wished you did.

Waking up the next day at four thirty in the morning was rough. Running on two and a half hours of sleep, you groaned when you heard Momo’s alarm go off.

she didn’t wake, though, you had turned it off fairly quickly, and the alcohol mixed with the sex— the word left a bitter taste in your mouth, for some reason— had knocked her out cold.

you watched her, for a bit. Hirai Momo was beautiful, you’d always known that. You never really realized it till now, though. Soft, short brown hair, dyed, a peaceful expression, smooth skin bathed by cold light, in a mostly white space.

your apartment was sparsely decorated, feeling more like a museum than a home. You didn’t even call it home, just ‘the house’ or ‘the apartment’. There wasn’t any life to it. It wasn’t a place to get attached to.

You contemplated waking her up. You didn’t really want to, but you knew you had to.

“Momo,” you murmured, placing a hand on her shoulder, shaking her. “Momo, you have to wake up,”

She groaned, turning, screwing her eyes shut. “No.. I’m tired,” was her muttered response, and you could barely even tell if she was speaking korean or japanese (it was japanese, she had only been in korea five years at that point. that’s not enough time to completely switch languages).

“Momo, your alarm went off, you need to get up,” you urged, speaking in japanese in hopes it’d get through her head, better.

She let out a sound of protest, but opened her eyes, sitting up. “What time is it?” She muttered, running a hand through her hair. The both of you weren’t wearing clothes, obviously, but the sight of her was still a little much for so early in the morning.

“It’s fifteen minutes to five,” you informed.

“I have to be at Inkigayo at five thirty,” she exclaimed, eyes widening. “Oh god,” she cursed, under her breath, distressed.

“Look, you can borrow some of my clothes. No one’s gonna know it’s mine,” you muttered. “You can keep it, so we never get caught for sharing clothes. Plus, the worst that could happen is we say you slept over because I invited you to go eat, or something.. it doesn’t matter, we’re two girls anyway,” you explained.

Momo stared at you, dumbfounded, still processing the words that came out of your mouth before agreeing. “Okay, yeah.. can I use your shower?”

“Sure,” you shrugged, trying to be nonchalant when she was naked in your bed, and looked too fucking good for having just woken up. Fuck those instructors, you definitely did not look like Hirai Momo. You wished you did.

you handed her a simple pair of pink sweatpants and a dark red hoodie. They weren’t things you had actually worn, yet, just thought they were cute. Momo wasn’t too far from your height, anyway, so they fit fine.

She showered, changed, and it wasn’t that long of a drive to Inkigayo, and a taxi could probably get her there in fifteen minutes.

it was 5:15, now, and she was drying her hair on the balcony. You had also gifted her a pair of white sneakers, to complete the outfit. It fit their concept, anyway.

you were on the balcony, too, watching the sunrise with a Bohem Cigar Shake hanging out of your mouth, lit.

Momo didn’t smoke, you had learned when you offered her one. She didn’t like the smell.

truth be told, you weren’t the biggest fan, but these were sweet, they left an aftertaste in your mouth a lot of people hated, but you kinda liked it.

You put it out on an ashtray once you accidentally burnt your finger tip, sucking on the mark and snubbing the cigarette out with your other hand.

Momo gave you a slightly concerned look, but you assured her you were fine.

she left in your clothes (no one would ever know, just you and her members) into a taxi you paid for, to perform at a music show you’d watch.

you and momo met on and off for the rest of that year, between promotions and award shows and restaurants and going shopping with Mina and taking pictures together and her visiting you on set—

the public called you great friends.

at least they didn’t see where her hands tended to rest.

year 3; mid-February, 2018 | Japan

you were 20, officially.

Twice had begun their Japanese tour, releasing Candy Pop a week into February.

the 14th was the Gaon chart music awards, which twice attended, of course.

you were still filming some dramas in Korea, but had managed to get time off to go to Japan. For no other reason than the fact Japan was beautiful in February, of course. It’s not like you attended the Gaon chart music awards to see Momo— no, Sunmi had released some good music, too, and of course you were friendly with all of twice.

the after parties for the awards were always fun.

“Momo, wait,” you murmured, breathily, pressed up against some wall in the buildings seemingly-millions of bathrooms.

“What?” she blinked, deep brown eyes blown wide, staring deep into your own.

“I didn’t.. it’s. I got you something,” you admitted, quietly. You handed her a small, dark red box, that you had kept in the small black bag you had taken.

you were wearing 2017 MiuMiu, a black minidress that your stylist had complemented with pearls and silver, tightening the waist and removing some of the collar. What was left was a striking black dress, soft fabric, and a lower neckline, paired with, of course, a vintage black MiuMiu leather handbag.

“Open it,” you instructed, to which the other girl did, to reveal two Mikimoto pearl earrings, having 18kt gold yellow gold posts. You had found it at an auction, they weren’t relatively expensive— $500– and from ten years prior. You thought they’d suit her, and so you bought it.

she just stared at you, a bit surprised, dumbfounded—

“Why’d you get me this?” were the words that slipped out from her mouth. She had the same shade of lipstick on, this time liquid, and your lips were colored with a pink gloss, girlish.

“Don’t you know what day it is?” You laughed, amused, tilting your head. “It’s the fourteenth of February,”

“You got me a gift for valentines?” She clarified, slowly, recoiling, a grimace slowly morphing onto her face.

you noticed, of course.

“No,” you lied, easily. “For the win,”

you both knew it wasn’t true, but allowed yourselves to indulge in the lie just a little more.

you two were just high off the high-life, making it big for the first times in your life.

momo left your hotel room before you saw her in the morning.

the note; “早退してごめんなさい。コンサートがあったんだ。” (sorry for leaving early. there was a concert)

you knew there was no concert the fifteenth of February. momo was a horrible liar, but you knew, later, from photos, they were in an airport that day.

you never asked to where.

(It wasn’t a question, but she did send you a silver-chain necklace, a pearl-heart pendant, march 14th. you hadn’t taken it off)

year 4; early August, 2019 | Korea

you were nearly 21, now.

“Momo, who the fuck is Heechul?” you spat, looking at a news article. The girl, who now had black wavy hair, a little lower than her shoulder, was currently lounging in your bed. Promotions for Dance the Night Away had just started, and she looked better than ever.

Her eyes widened, and she sat up, looking hurt and a little panicked. You never spoke to her like this, not since Sixteen, and you both rarely spoke in Korean, anymore.

“What do you mean? He’s just a friend-”

“Don’t lie to me,” you cut in, sharply. “You’ve been acting weird ever since I gave you those earrings, Momo. Why?” you demanded, the anger masking all the hurt you felt.

she was silent, for a bit, drawing into herself, looking to the side and holding her arms.

“We can’t be anything more than this,” she murmured.

“What?”

“I have a career. I have a group, I can’t just.. leave it all,”

“What are you talking about?” You asked, a little high pitched.

“We should stop. You.. you like me too much,” she decided. “It’s safer if I’m.. you know, with a guy. It won’t be favorable, but it’ll get people off us both. People talk too much, nowadays,” she continued.

“I mean.. it’s just that.. you know, we’re both girls. That’ll ruin both of our careers. And I like being an idol. I won’t.. I won’t just give it up,”

“Momo, are you serious?” You exclaimed, shocked. “You’re refusing to see me, when we’ve been pretending to be just friends for over three years now, and instead.. you’re gonna date some guy? Momo, that could ruin your career, too! No one knows about us, I haven’t told anyone! Why are you being so-“

“It won’t be as bad as if it were us two,” she reminded, pointedly and acidly. “Not all of us have a rich family to fall back on. I had to work to get here. I will not give it all up just because you want to.. to play around, and pretend we’re in love!” She cried, aggravated.

you stared in shock. You didn’t even know what to say, the whole reason you refused to use your parents was your desperation to be independent from them.

you knew what they’d do to you if they found out what you were.

you didn’t want to have to rely on them, in case they ever found out.

you didn’t want to be like your sister.

“That’s not fair, Momo. You don’t-“

“I do!” She shot back. “I do, this is fair! This is my life, this is my career, you don’t get to tell me what I should do! Just- god!” She shouted, throwing her hands in the air, collecting her things. She got dressed, fixed her hair quickly into a bun, and stormed out of your apartment.

“Don’t contact me again,” were her low, parting words.

year 5; early January, 2020 | Korea

you had just turned 21 a little bit ago. the rest of 2019 had been absolute hell. you saw Momo everywhere you went— on advertisements, on tv, heard her on the radio.

and now, New Year’s Day, it was confirmed that she was dating Heechul.

you were in your apartment, still mostly empty save for a few things you had bought for her— like a tea kettle, an assortment of matcha flavored snacks, a second toothbrush—

everything hurt.

you did the only thing you could think to do.

you called your sister.

it was eleven something in the morning in New York, she’d have to pick up.

“Hello? Y/n, why the hell are you calling m-“

she was cut off by the sound of a choked sob, more like a hacking, and a shaky inhale.

“I get it now,” were your broken, pained words. “I fucking get it now,”

“Oh, y/n,” she murmured, quietly.

“I’m so sorry,”

10 years prior; late September, 2010 | Korea

“I’m gay. I have a girlfriend,” were the earth-shattering words your sister, freshly 18, had dropped on the shoulders of you and your parents in the middle of a family dinner.

“You’re what?” Your mother asked, slowly, giving her time to play it off. She stood, steadfast.

“I’m gay. I have a girlfriend,” she repeated, clearly.

Your father and mother stared at her, for a long while. You didn’t really know what would happen, yet— you had never heard your parents even mention their opinion on homosexuality, but there’s no way they’d care, right? It didn’t really matter-

“Get out,” were your fathers cold, flat words.

your sister nodded, once, clenching her jaw. She packed her things, appearing back downstairs within twenty minutes. (she had already packed the day prior. She knew how this would go).

“Wait, why does she have to leave? I don’t-“

“She’s not your sister anymore,” your mother informed, curtly.

“She’s not apart of this family anymore,” your dad restated.

“But.. why?” You asked, barely 13.

“It’s unnatural, and bad for the family image. It’s not good for us,”

you didn’t really think that was enough reason to kick a child out. But you couldn’t argue.

your sister left, that day, passing you her number secretly.

you didn’t have a bad relationship with your sister.

but for a few years, you refused to talk to her. You would not disgrace the family, you would not give up everything—

you just couldn’t understand why she give up a cushy life of luxury to go to school in New York, all for some girl.

“You’ll understand when your older,” she’d tell you, quietly, over the phone, when you both still got the chance to talk— before you had become paranoid of getting kicked out, like her.

“One day, you’ll meet someone you’ll love. You’ll love them, to the point that nothing matters as long as you’re together,”

“I don’t think I will,” you’d reply, so sure. “That’s stupid,”

“It is, isn’t it?” She’d laugh.

“You’ll get it, though, one day,”

you had flown to America, right in the beginning of 2020.

you went to New York, to live with your sister for a bit— you just needed to be around family— family that wasn’t your parents. you got an offer to shoot a drama there, anyway.

you had no idea you’d end up stuck in america for nearly a year, due to Covid.

whatever, you’d think.

not like you’d have anyone to come back to in Korea.

In America, you were more free.

no one particularly cared what anyone was doing— you couldn’t go out, and you were alone in the apartment you had rented.

your sister would come over with her girlfriend— now, wife, because you could get married, here— sometimes, but not often.

you smoked camels, now, unfiltered, by the balcony, overlooking a city so much the same and too different.

you texted Mina, a lot. She kept you updated.

you both made a point not to talk about Momo.

the necklace Momo had gifted you was left in your jewelry box in korea.

the house was a perfect snapshot of your life, then, untouched by changes.

it was a picture frozen in time.

god, fuck this place.

year 6; late June, 2021 | Japan

you were 22, now, having made it back to Korea in late may after finishing your drama, finally getting everything together and back to your apartment in early June. Your return was publicized, there were a few people who still came to the airport even with all the restrictions, but you had made it back to your country.

it had really helped, to get it all out, put everything in perspective.

you still smoked camels, now you drank tequila— the remnants were mementos of a life most people wouldn’t see.

you flew to Japan, though— you had the prospect of an ambassadorship, and they wanted you to fly over, for some reason.

you messaged Mina about it— maybe you two could meet up, go eat. you hadn’t seen her in a while. you spoke, gave her your hotel and room number, and you both agreed to see if you could schedule it.

the next day after you'd messaged her, there was a knock on your door.

you thought it’d be Mina.

Momo had shorter black hair now. It suited her.

Momo had hurt you.

you cried for at least three weeks. She seemed happy enough when you saw her through a screen. she was still with Heechul. She shouldn’t be here.

you opened the door.

momo’s eyes were watery, and she looked up at you, pleadingly.

“Y/n,” she began, voice shaky.

“What do you want?” You snapped, even though you didn’t really mean to.

“We broke up,” were her words. You stopped, for a second. You knew what this was. You were her rebound.

“I-“

“When I saw you came back, I couldn’t take it anymore. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, y/n,” she murmured, crying now. “I didn’t want- I- I just.. I was so scared. But, I just- I can’t- it’s been too long. I can’t keep going without you, I need you, I..”

you pulled her inside, shutting the door, locking it, and pressing her against it. You hadn’t forgotten how her hair felt in your hands, soft and silky, how she always tasted a bit sweet.

people said she was a peach, but she didn’t exactly taste like it.

except for when she wore the peach lipgloss you got her, one time, as a joke.

she ran a hand through your hair, tugging on the strands, pulling you closer. god, she kind of reminded you of herself.

her tears made the kiss taste salty.

this time was different. it was not slow, it had no love in it. she had hurt you, she had left you, and now she was crawling back.

you left marks where no one but her would see. you ran your teeth over her pulse point, but never bit down.

your kisses were bruising and filled with anger and resentment.

this was a bad idea.

this was always going to be a bad idea.

it was only around 11 when you had both felt too tired, resigning yourself to sleep.

momo had hated sleeping alone, without you.

she pressed her face into your neck, eyes screwed shut. you felt a little bad, despite yourself. you had been a bit mean..

“Momo, go to sleep,” you spoke, softly, carding a hand through her short black hair.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m sorry for leaving. please don’t-”

“It’s okay,” you interjected, because you really didn’t want to have to hear the rest of her words. “I don’t have a schedule tomorrow, anyway,” which was not true, you had to go discuss the drama you were shooting at one in the afternoon, but you weren’t telling her that.

they weren’t the exact words she wanted to hear, but they were as close as you could get, right now.

you ran a hand through her hair, as her arm stayed around your waist. she was clinging onto you, like you’d disappear.

you probably should, to get back at her, but you couldn’t bring yourself to quit.

momo was kind of like every bad habit you couldn’t quit— smoking, drinking— they weren’t good for you, but they made you feel better.

she was addictive, like that.

but here, in your hotel room bed, kind of like last place you saw her, now the first time you’ve seen her in almost a year and a half—

she kind of seemed like something you really couldn’t live without.

July 8th, 2021 | Japan

they had flown back to Korea the day prior. You were still in Japan, when you saw the article.

momo and heechul had finally announced their break up to the public.

good, you thought.

you had gone out to eat with Mina a week ago, you both talked about your lives— work, vacations, how busy you both were. you asked about her members.

July 1st, 2021

“How is everyone?” you asked, with a tilted head.

“Everyone’s good, I’m happy we’re back in Japan, I got to see my parents, so did Sana, so did..”

“you can say her name, you know,” you muttered.

“Listen, y/n, I’ve tried not to get involved, but this isn’t good for you two. After you left, Momo could barely sleep. She ate less, too, and she still had to go on dates with Heechul to make it look real. She didn’t even really want to date him, she was just-”

“I know, Mina. But- you know, it’s not up to me. She’s too scared to be with me. She doesn’t really love me,” you chuckled, though it was more bitter than amused.

“I think she does,” she replied. “I just don’t think she’s realized it yet,”

year 7; late May, 2022 | Korea

“Momo!” you called, just a few months into being 23.

you had decided to pick up Momo from the airport.

now, fans would never know, but you just really wanted to see her.

she had been in the U.S. for months, now, touring, and you had missed her.

even with all your miscommunication you both still met up, sometimes— you visited your sister as an excuse when they held their concert in New York City.

you did meet with Momo, after the show.

“How was America?” You asked, in english, as she got into the car. She looked tired, her hair now ash-blue and a little longer.

“Good,” was her response, a tired smile under the mask.

she coughed, and you glanced at her, a bit worried.

“Nayeon and Tzuyu are sick, too,” she mumbled. “Can you take me to the apartment?”

and so you did, the apartment she shared with Nayeon. You helped her with the luggage, and you tried to kiss her but she moved her face— she didn’t want you sick.

Nayeon, Momo, and Tzuyu all tested positive for Covid-19 the following day.

To no one’s surprise, you tested positive for Covid as well, but with very mild symptoms that felt more like an annoying cold.

you obviously couldn’t go to any filmings or schedules, and Mina ended up positive too—

so you drove to Momo’s apartment with soup. Like a lovesick idiot.

Nayeon let you in, and you knew better than to not bring her some soup as well. You handed it to her, and went straight to Momo’s room.

she looked.. sick. coughing, exhausted, you were sure she was achey and had a headache.

her fever wasn’t too bad, on account of all the medication she was taking.

“Momo?” you called, running a hand through the girls hair. “I made you soup,”

she sat up, blearily, looking a little hazy.

“I’ll get you sick,” she mumbled.

“I’m already sick, don’t worry,” you assured.

you fed her the soup, because you were that painfully whipped, talking quietly about what you had been doing since they went on tour.

you made her take some Tylenol, because her face felt hotter when you put the back of your hand to her forehead.

you got up to leave, but she grabbed your hand, tugging you back like a child.

“can you stay?” she mumbled, looking at you pleadingly. you would never say no, of course.

it’s not like you had something better to do.

for the rest of the time you were sick, you would visit Momo, watch dramas with her, sleep in her bed, next to her— you both acted so much like a couple Nayeon pulled you aside after almost a week.

“Y/n, I don’t know how long this thing with Momo has been going on, exactly, but it looks like you make her happy, so.. thank you. It’s been a lot, lately, with touring and Heechul.. take care of her, okay?”

she walked off before you could explain that, no, you two weren’t dating, and you were scared that if you asked her to date you she’d run away again.

you had to go shoot some drama, again, even if you really didn’t want to, after you tested negative.

you both got busy, after that. Especially you— you had so many dramas to film.

February 8th, 2022

@OT9TRANS … BUBBLE MESSAGE 🍑💬 220208 MM: I have watched Call, watched Burning, watched Nothing Serious, and Money Heist. I have watched them all🫠❤︎ MM: i really like y/n l/n nim ♡ She’s my style 🫣

year 8; early January, 2023 | Korea

it was your 24th birthday party— you had turned 24 in winter of last year, but this was the only day you could make it work, because Twice had another tour starting in February.

You invited them, all 9, to noraebang— karaoke. obviously, some of your own friends came, too. You had made a lot of friends in the industry after so many years.

Momo’s hair was still black, grown out a bit more, but not as long.

you all sang and drank— Nayeon, particularly, having a good time singing every Twice song she could.

you sat next to Momo, pleasantly tipsy, and everything felt warm.

it was a little crowded, but you had rented a bigger space than normal. It was dim, the only lights coming from the screen in front of you.

after a little bit, you slipped outside. The place you rented had a rooftop, and you planned to make full use of it.

The skyline had changed from 8 years prior. It used to have less buildings, smaller skyscrapers— now it almost seemed as if the blue and red lights of the city were truly the stars in the sky.

You lit up a cigarette, this time, Cheyenne peach, and took a drag.

you heard a metal door open and shut.

Momo sat down next to you, and you offered her a drag.

she wrinkled her nose.

“They smell, y/n, why do you still smoke them?”

“Just a bad habit, I guess,” you shrugged.

she plucked it out of your mouth, tossing it to the side.

“It’s bad for you,” she chided.

how ironic, for her to say that.

“There’s a lot of things that are bad for me that I still do,” you replied, quietly.

she was silent, for a second.

she held your face, pulling you closer. She tasted like soju, which is to say smooth alcohol, of which you’ve been drinking the whole night.

it was sweeter than usual, because you can’t stand bitter tastes, and you noticed Momo was wearing nearly the same shade of lipstick as six years ago

your hands held her waist, loosely, the both of you sitting back on your heels, only leaning forward for each other.

when Momo pulled away, you felt a little dazed.

“I don’t want to be bad for you,” she mumbled, and all these years had seemed so childish— just two girls, trying to figure it out. You never wanted to hurt each other. It was just fear, and maybe a little shame, and so much love that it nearly drowned you.

“Momo,” you began, quietly. You knew that what you were going to tell her would force her away from you forever, but you didn’t care.

“I love you,”

the confession hung in the air, ringing through resounding silence. Seoul in January was cold, and your breaths could be seen in the air.

when Momo didn’t reply, you felt tears well in your eyes even if you knew this is how it would be.

“I’m sorry,” were your nexts words, and when you hiccuped, Momo finally broke out of her daze.

she screwed her eyes shut, snaking her hand to your nape, pulling you into her, kissing you desperately.

“no, don’t apologize,” she muttered, between gasps for air.

“I love you, y/n. I love you,”

it felt like the world stopped, in that second.

“I’m sorry for.. being scared, but I’m not anymore. I love you,” she repeated, wiping the tears from your eyes, thumb caressing your face.

“Really?” you asked, hope and fear mixing into your words. This could just be some cruel joke, after all, it could-

“y/n,” she said, seriously. “I love you,”

you leaned in again, and it was softer, now, feeling a year roll down your cheek, not from sadness but from relief, and happiness.

“God, Momo,” you choked out. “I love you so much,”

you both stayed like that, for a little under half an hour, telling each other all the things you wished you had so many years ago, making hopeful promises and swearing never to hurt each other again.

“Here,” Momo said, suddenly, producing another small box.

it was a beautiful silver chain bracelet, with a little pink gemstone in the center in the shape of a small star.

momo had the same bracelet on her wrist, though the gemstone was in your favorite color and the chain was in gold.

“Happy birthday, y/n,” she offered, putting the bracelet on your wrist.

you smiled, genuinely, eyes crinkling. You pressed a kiss to her cheek.

“It’s beautiful,” you admitted, softly, before a teasing smile worked its way onto your face.

“You’re beautiful, too, so do you think you could be my gift, instead?”

that comment earned you a slap on the shoulder and a chiding ‘yah’, but it gave you the view of Momo’s face flushing pink, and the sound of her infectious laugh.

“If you ask nicely, I’ll consider it,” was her response, in the end.

you and Momo were definitely dating, now, and you leaned your head forward, resting your forehead on hers.

“How do you say girlfriend in Japanese?”

Momo’s cheeks turned a little pink, again, and she was well aware you already knew, but she indulged you. It was your birthday, after all. “恋人” she mumbled, but you knew well enough. (lover)

a smile grew on your face.

“I know you already know Korean well enough, so you shouldn’t call anyone else 자기야 but me, okay?” you informed, mostly joking.

“Sure,” she agreed, smile blooming on her face at the thought of you calling her your girlfriend. “Anything you want,”

year 9; early April, 2024 | Korea

Momo’s black hair had stayed the same for almost two years or so.

it was still a bit short, but you didn’t really care.

you were 25, now, didn’t smoke anymore, having been dating Momo officially for nearly a year.

You two had actually gone on a date— you had been commenting on each other’s Instagram jokingly for weeks now. Her fans had been convinced she would “not pull” with her.. strange choice emojis, but they didn’t know you had already fallen head over heels for the loser you were currently sat next to.

you went to go get something to eat, with her, and it was still a little cool in Seoul.

you took photos, together— and posted them— something you would’ve been terrified to do a few years prior, fearing a dating scandal or something worse— the destruction of your careers.

your worlds weren’t as scary, anymore. Twice had been around nearly 10 years, and you had been acting for the same amount of time. The public loved you, and though you didn’t feel like announcing your relationship status to the world, (you were both private, like that) it was nice to know that if anything were to come to light, you and Momo would be safe. Korea had gotten a lot more accepting, over the years.

your parents were still the same, though they had become less strict about it. Your sister came home, sometimes, and your mother might actually love her girlish and kind wife more than her own daughter.

you made jokes about it, frequently.

your dad didn’t know about Momo, neither did your mom— your sister did, but after what happened to her, she wouldn’t force you to tell them. You didn’t think your parents would freak out, demand you to leave and disown you— but you didn’t want to risk it.

on breaks, you and Momo would visit Japan, or any other city she wanted to go to.

if she had a fashion week schedule, well, you’d try to go! Especially as a fellow ambassador of MiuMiu. The public knew you both as close friends, so any antics were now ignored and written off as just friendship.

honestly, your house was better, now, because of her. The apartment was no longer something not lived in, out of a catalog—it was filled with little reminders of you two.

photos of each other, your achievements on a bookshelf, a tea kettle you’d thought Momo would like, her clothes she’d leave there, plants you thought would make the place look better, little knickknacks from traveling, a second toothbrush—

it felt like a home, full of little curios and plants, a reminder of the life you loved with Momo.

and now, as you sat next to her on the couch the two of you had bought together, under warm lighting and lights of the city outside the window, so much different than the one from the skyline eight years ago, completely different buildings but the same cool, multicolored glow, taking pictures for an Instagram post that others would call like it was, a “date”, but never know how real it really was—

you pressed a kiss to her cheek, smiling into it, as she took the photo.

she turned to you, an amused expression on her face, albeit a bit surprised, perfectly tinged the pink shade of the lipstick you used to wear—

“What was that for? You know we can’t post that-”

“I love you,” you interrupted, with a stupid smile on your face.

“I love you too, silly, but we still can’t-”

you cut her off, again, pressing a kiss to her lips, discarding the phone, somewhere, smiling as you cupped her face in your hands.

those pictures, of you two kissing? They wouldn’t be posted.

the rest would, of course, a day late— you had gotten a bit sidetracked.

it didn’t matter, though.

you truly, irrevocably, loved Hirai Momo. She was beautiful, talented, funny, kind— you could keep going, there were a million and one reasons to love her.

but for some reason, she loved you back.

A/N: hi guys!! I had been thinking about this plot line for actual weeks but I managed to finish this in 10 days.. crazy.. I only started actually working on it 3 days ago though LMFAO

so.. there was a lot of research put into this fic. I tried to make the timeline as close to the one in real life as possible, but obviously there will be some inconsistencies. y/n is momo’s fav actress if you could not tell.. I wonder why

i don’t exactly love how this fic came out— I kind of lost the plot and repeated myself a lot. it actually came out completely different than how I originally imagined, which is why the song doesn’t exactly match? but I hope you enjoyed!

I will hopefully be posting more frequently.. I have a few things in mind, but my works take me a long time because I usually set them up, get the plot, then sit down and finish like 8k words in two or three days.

not beta read, I’m tired, maybe tomorrow.

please feel free to send asks and reqs! I love talking to you all <33 id love to know what you think..

I must sleep, now. goodnight, byebye!! ><

#carps works #carpmasterlist #twice x reader #twice x fem reader #hirai momo x reader #momo x reader #gg x reader #twice imagines #momo imagines #girl group imagines #girl group x reader #hirai momo imagines #how many tropes can I fit into one oneshot #I HEART YURI

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writingmeraki · 1 year ago

Text

you're no good for me.

a min ho oneshot !

summary : five times you thought he didn't care and the one time he showed you he did.

( or five times you were oblivious to how much he truly cared and the one time he made it obvious. )

genre : angst ( a bit? ) fluff, comedy ( attempts )

pairing : minho x gn!reader, e2l, frenemies to lovers! idiots to lovers!

warnings : cussing, descriptions of blood,injuries and bruises, reader is pretty oblivious, mentions of underage drinking, kissing, kinda messy :/

author's note : i don't even know what to say tbh ? this is so much longer than I thought to the point where I think I may have rushed the ending lmfaoooooooo welp I hope u enjoy this still haha <3 sorry for the wait 🤕🤕🤕 ( my own lovers to enemies arc with this fic bcoz I overthought as usual ) let me know what you think !!! also anon pls the angst was less but like it was a v lighthearted fic from the beginning asdfgh- i still hope u like it 😔<3 also also i kinda have a little drabble as a continuation for this but I'll see if i wanna post it based on your feedback hehe so let me know! ( barely proofread <3 )

word count : 11.6K ( longest oneshot i've ever written omll )

based on this request !

THE FIRST TIME.

"Fuck why do I feel like someone just pounded my head with a hammer?!"

You groaned as you woke up from your sleep or rather lack of sleep. You'd only been able to get barely 2 hours of sleep when you'd gotten back from the party last night

A party that you didn't even want to go to but were emotionally blackmailed to and even worse it was fucking Minho's party.

Technically, it's his fault you're in this state of crankiness.

You were sitting up on your bed, hair in all directions as you nursed the headache you'd gotten. Lack of sleep really gave you the worst of headaches and it didn't help you'd drunk a little, not more than a few sips, but the after-effect was definitely there.

You hissed as your bare feet touched the cold floor before you finally found your fuzzy bunny slippers you'd gotten as a gift from Kitty.

You dragged yourself out of your room, now being able to make out people talking on the other side.

"Well look who we have here looking like an absolute angel."

"Shut it Minho."

The retort came out like second nature as Minho smirked at your state despite the tiny concern that flashed across his face when he saw you holding your head as you sat on the floor between Kitty and Q who only shared a look when they definitely didn't miss that flash of concern.

You looked at Q, questioning "So why are we having a family meeting here?"

"We were just having a discussion about weird dreams." Kitty answered you and you looked at her, humming and suddenly a light bulb lit up from your only two alive braincells.

"You had a sex dream." Both Q and you said at the same time, him sitting up while a smirk just formed on your face.

"Was it about Dae?" Q asked holding his coffee in his hand. Kitty's eyes widened and shook her head immediately.

"So it wasn't about Dae, huh." You said as you wondered, your slightly swollen eyes blinking in thought.

"No! No I didn't say I had a sex dream." Kitty tried defending herself.

You lightly snorted, yawning a bit, "You didn't have to though."

"Exactly now spill." Q continued and you noticed movement from behind and saw Minho coming, with three mugs in his hand, handing one to Kitty and one to you.

He was oddly quiet and stiff, now wondering what made him like that because he'd definitely would have said something snarky by now.

"-dreams don't mean anything!" Kitty's voice pulled you out of your thoughts and you sipped your coffee skeptically hoping it's not poisoined, but you hummed in satisfaction at the sweetness that contrasted the bitterness.

It was exactly how you liked it. Not too bitter like how people would usually drink it, you preferred it sweet because you had a huge sweet tooth.

Minho's gaze shifted towards you, recalling something as he swallowed nervously when he saw the small grin on your face.

"She's right! They don't mean anything." He suddenly looked towards Q who was already looking at him with his eyebrows raised, sipping his own cup.

Your eyes opened and you lazily looked at Minho, whose body language seemed even more stiff now.

"You could have a sex dream about someone you've repulsed your whole life." You looked in confusion at his words, one eyebrow raised.

Kitty agreed "Yes, yes exactly thank you Minho."

"He could have a sex dream about someone like…Y/N!"

You almost choked on your coffee before you spat out what was in your mouth, as Minho had a similar reaction.

"So you had a sex dream about Y/N." Q said as if it was the most obvious thing and you looked at him in horror.

"Hello?? Why are you talking about me as if I'm literally not here?" You were ignored as Minho quickly defended himself,

"No I didn't." He said, avoiding looking at you as you continued to stare at him with your eyes widened.

"And if I did have a sex dream about Y/N, it'd be a sex nightmare." You scoffed at his words while Kitty whispered Oh my God.

"Please, you'd be lucky to even have me in your dreams let alone real life." You spoke before you could think about it.

"So you still had sex?" Q piped up and Minho quickly blurted,

"Dreams don't mean anything! Besides I hate Y/N!" He said sparing a glance at you who just seemed confused at where this conversation had led up to.

"Wait a minute-"

"We're getting late! I still uh need to get ready!" Minho said turning around before you could even question anything, not being able to see how red his face had gotten as he ran to his room and slammed the door shut.

Blinking once and twice, you looked at Kitty and Q,

"So can someone just tell me what happened?"

They indeed didn't tell you anything, or rather didn't get a chance to before the door was knocked on and in came in your advisor, telling you about how you all had gotten Saturday detention and hoped last night was worth it.

You groaned as he left, holding the cup of coffee mumbling curse words. The same cup of coffee, that was exactly how you liked it, that was made by Minho. Something you didn't even realize how he knew your perfect order.

THE SECOND TIME.

You'd rather be watching paint dry than be in this boring detention.

Saturday flew in and in no time, were you already sitting in the library for your eight hour detention.

You groaned as you leaned forward, wanting to drop your head on the table before a hand placed itself between it and the hard surface of the table, making you hit it softly and for a second you thought about how warm it felt.

"You'll damage the tiny amount of brain cells you have in there." Minho's voice mocked you, as you looked up, your chin laying on his hand.

Glaring, you didn't even realise how he gulped at how you'd still maintain physical contact by not lifting your head up.

"Screw you." You scoffed, sitting straight up,

"Why am I even sitting with you?" You questioned crossing your arms and the scowl didn't leave your face.

"Maybe you finally realized how obsessed you are with me and felt like you had to be closer to me." He said with that annoying smirk plastered on his face.

You snorted, "Please it's only because it was the only seat available!"

The smirk didn't leave his face, only growing wider as he leaned in to whisper in your ear,

"All I'm hearing is excuses." His voice rang in your ears, noticing the rasp and how deep it sounded, swallowing nervously, you didn't know why you felt like your heart would jump out of your chest.

You leaned away from him, rolling your eyes, brushing away what you felt as irritation from being around Minho too much.

You shivered due to the temperature in the library being too low for your liking, the air conditioning being colder than you would have kept it.

You internally cussed at yourself for wearing a crop top instead of bringing an extra sweater with you,forgetting it's usually chilly in there.

Minho noticed the shiver, rolling his eyes, he suddenly began taking off his own bomber jacket. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion but they relaxed when you felt a sudden warmth engulf you.

"You'll catch a cold and it'll end up infecting everyone." He scolded you before you could even say anything, words dying down before you could even question his actions, too stunned.

You just blinked at him, mumbling a small thanks to which he just sent you a curt nod, his attention back to the doodling he'd been doing in his book.

"Did he just-"

"Yes. Yeah he did."

Kitty questioned to which Yuri answered both stunned at what they'd just seen.

"Don't they, I don't know, hate each other?" Yuri asks, confused looking back at Kitty.

"Guess hate and love are two sides of the same coin, afterall huh?" Kitty spoke up.

They both paused and looked at each other, bursting out in giggles.

THE THIRD TIME.

You stared at the clock, your eyes fixated on the minute hand that moved agonizingly slow, your head resting on the palm of your chin that was using your right arm as a stand.

You sighed mumbling to yourself about how time seemed to be against you.

“Instead of boring your eyes into the clock, maybe if you paid attention to what was being taught, your tiny brain could finally excel in this.”

You rolled your eyes and turned your head towards the boy who sat beside you.

Pausing a bit when you realised how the sunlight from the window literally made it seem like he glowed, his cheekbones highlighted by it and his lips seemingly more plump and pinker as he spoke.

Minho’s attentions wasn’t on you though, at least it would seem like that because he was staring ahead, his focus on his notes as he wrote what was being taught, his hands splayed across his notebooks.

Even when he sat, you noticed he still seemed taller than you. Sometimes you even wonder how you always end up next to him.

“I’d say take a photo and it would last longer but I’m pretty sure you already have enough of those with you, stalker.” He said, taking a peak at you from the corner of his eyes, a smirk forming on his face when he saw you scoffing.

“As if, besides since when did you care about me paying attention or not.” Minho stopped for a second at your words, hand freezing mid way from his note taking and it was now his turn to roll his eyes at you.

“Because you’re a distraction.” He spoke lowly, making sure you were the only one who heard, and only now you noticed you’d both been murmuring amongst each other as if you were friends just gossiping.

Not wanting to argue more, you just sighed and looked ahead,

“Ugh, whatever.”

You looked down at your own notebook, narrowing your eyes when you saw you’d only written half a page and stealing a glance at Minho’s, your eyes now widening when you counted that he was already on what seemed like his third page.

Damn I really must have zoned out.

Now you just thought of your options, either you skip some pages and just write what was being taught at the moment, finishing what you missed afterwards.

Clicking your tongue, you just closed your notebook, slightly pushing it away. Knowing being at the way back in a crowded classroom was helpful at times like this but having Alex as your professor being another advantage, you folded your arms on the table and plopped your head onto it sideways.

You sighed, relieved at the position, even though it may seem uncomfortable, but at the time, it felt just right.

You shut your eyes, the last thing you saw being Mingo from the way you had positioned your head, with you facing towards him and let yourself be surrounded by the temporary darkness.

“So you’re just going to sleep during the lecture?”

“Yep.” You said still with your eyes closed.

“I barely got any, considering the Vampire Diaries marathon Kitty and I had last night.”

You mumbled, feeling yourself give in to your dreamland.

“You both are terrible roommates because who even has a series marathon in the middle of a school week?” Minho asked you scoffing, turning his head to his left so he could look down at you.

You opened one eye and put your tongue out childishly to mock him,

“Only the fun kind of roommates, now shut up and do your work, let me sleep.”

“You seriously need to be more responsible, I mean come on, you have dark circles right now.” He whisper yelled as he scanned your face.

“Okay mum. I’ll make sure of it.” You murmured to him, the last of your words being softer as you finally gave in to your dreams.

Minho sighed when he heard you exhale softly, seeing the way the sun reflected on your face.

He wondered how you could just fall asleep but then again he knew you’d probably stayed awake just to give company because he knew you didn’t even like The Vampire Diaries.

You’d once told how lame you found it that the only relevant plot was two brothers fighting for a girl, and how it was ridiculously stupid.

He moved his body a bit forward, so that the sunlight could not fall on your face, and upon that the scrunch in your brows relieved unconsciously. He reached his hand forward to tuck away the hair piece that seemed to bother you. His fingertips lingering on your cheek and you leaned into the touch unknowingly.

Pulling his hand away, he gently smiled at you, shaking his head fondly as he brought back his attention to what was being taught.

[ a few moments later ]

“Wake up sleeping beauty, it’s time.” You heard as you felt someone flick your forehead.

Groaning you swatted away the hand, as you slowly rose up, rubbing your eyes, and blinking a few times as you tried recalling who you were and where you were.

“Seems like someone’s nap time was well.” Minho smirked at you, packing his books away to which you turned to him and glared.

“Hope you dreamt of me well!” He said a grin on his face now as your lips pulled into a thin line.

“Yeah it’d be more of a nightmare if you showed up in my dreams.” You said rolling your eyes, and gathering your own notebook, realising it was pretty pointless to have even removed it today as you basically barely wrote anything.

You pulled your bag up to the desk and tucked away your book.

Minho slid a book towards you, making you pause your movements as you glanced at him in question.

“Here, today’s class work and homework as well, if you don’t get something, considering you probably won’t, come to the library after school is over.” He said standing up, to which you still looked between him and the book in question, skeptical of his sudden act of…kindness?

“Stop staring idiot, you’ll get late.” He said as he slowly walked away, you thought about it and grabbed his notebook, putting it in between your own and standing up, sliding one strap on your shoulder.

“Thank…you?” You said turning around noticing he was already gone.

Huh, weird. Well that was nice of him…for once.

You shook your head, walking out as well, realizing you indeed learn something new about him every time.

THE FOURTH TIME.

It was another outing of the nature club you'd join in support of Kitty's new venture of wanting to do new things.

Although initially, you'd reluctantly agreed but you'd learn to enjoy it once you spent more times with nature.

Though sometimes you wish you could just jump off the cliff because lo and behold, Minho had also spontaneously joined it as well.

Over time, you'd just learnt to ignore his shit, just paying attention to your surroundings and focusing all your energy on that.

You didn't even notice how he'd always be trailing beside you though, since the beginning of it actually.

But of course those around you did.

Q and Dae looked at their best friend, both wondering the same thing.

"Do you think he notices?" Dae asked as they hiked up, Q looked at him in question and followed his gaze, perceiving what he meant.

“He is still in denial as to why he even joined this club in the first place, remember how much I tried convincing him to join but he always refused with bullshit excuses but suddenly when Y/N joins, he’s apparently thought about it well and understood it was good to be one with nature, hence why he would be joining.”

Dae shook his head, chuckling as he recalled the denial on his face from when they confronted him about it.

“I don’t even think he realizes that Q, let alone how he always seems to be beside them when he gets the chance.” Dae said, staring at the pair of you, you seemed more than happy to be there as Minho skeptically walked beside you.

Suddenly an arm was placed in front of you, making you suddenly freeze in your place and your gaze followed it to the owner, confusion flooding your mind as you looked at Minho in question.

He moved in front of you and knelt down on one knee, to which your eyes widened and you looked around to see if anyone else was seeing this.

Hissing at him, more so in confusion, "What the hell are you doing?"

He scoffed and pointed down at your shoes, more so your shoe laces.

"You'll literally trip on them and fall on your face resulting in you getting hurt and you'll end up causing problems."

Once again, your mouth gaped at him as he went back to his task which was tying your shoelaces.

At times, he truly did confuse the ever living fuck out of you. Because for one he'd be doing the nicest things but then the gesture would be contradicting with what he would have to say afterwards.

You noticed how strands of his hair moved out of place as a result of him looking down to focus on tying your laces.

You bit your lip to control the smile from spreading on your face and he got up, dusting his hands.

"You know you should be grateful that I decided to be with you right now otherwise your clumsy ass would have probably broken a foot by now."

There it was. The contradicting words to his gestures.

Not wanting to start an argument, you just sighed and shook your head, mumbling a thanks as you walked ahead, having been left behind by a few paces.

Minho glared at you, taking a few steps to catch up with you,

"That was mean of you." He said and you took a side glance at him to see a frown on his face and you sighed once again,

"Thank you so much Minho, whatever would I have done if it weren't for your presence."

You grinned widely, blinking your eyes forcefully as you fluttered your eyelashes.

Before he could speak again, you turned forward and rolled your eyes, continuing your hike.

When you reached the top view, you could see the entire city of Seoul and just how mesmerizing it looked.

As a whole it looked breathtaking, the tall buildings and the miniature figures doing about their own things, the sky's colours contrasting the shades, the sun setting slowly as the last warmth of it bled on your face.

You didn't even notice Minho was right beside you, admiring the city view as well. Though his eyes naturally drifted towards you, even if he never wanted them to but it seemed like second nature to him now, his eyes finding you anytime you were around.

Your own sparked as you took in the little details of the view, unknowingly a smile forming on your face making the tiny depths form on your cheeks. Your hair slightly moving from the soft breeze and you'd laugh at the timing but you didn't notice that as you were too in your own world.

Blinking, he felt his own heart flutter as he whispered so tenderly, you probably wouldn't have heard him if he weren't next to you,

"Beautiful, you really are beautiful."

Looking beside you, you were once again left speechless when you saw who it was, and pretended you didn't hear, asking

"Sorry what was that?"

That seemed to snap him out of his gaze as he looked in front, coughing into his hand, sounding more fake than real,

"Uh, I meant that the view is really beautiful! Yeah the view…" He looked to the other side to make sure you wouldn't see the redness forming on his face.

You just nodded at him, turning your attention back in front of you,

"It is, isn't it? It was definitely worth the hike!"

You beamed as you put your hands on your hips, happy with the end result of the exhausting hike.

"Anyways we should be heading down now, if we were to reach before nightfall."

You paused looking around and found Q and Dae already looking at you both, you waved them over.

"Q! Dae! Why didn't I see both during the hike up?"

"Maybe cause someone wouldn't leave you and your attention was on him mostly." Q murmured to which, luckily you didn't seem to catch what he said as you raised an eyebrow.

Dae nudged Q with his elbow on his stomach, to which Q hissed in a little pain.

"That was so unnecessary!" Dae still kept his smile,

"What he meant was, you seem preoccupied but really we were trailing behind too." He told, his eyes shifting to Minho's for one second when he said preoccupied and you noticed this.

"Well let's all go together for the hike down?"

Minho wanted to protest but he realised it'd probably seem suspicious and knowing how his best friends were, they'd figure it and look into this more than he would like them too.

Plus he wasn't entirely sure why he detested the idea of not being able to be with you only for the hike down.

He hated your guts didn't he? He only just…taught you were too clumsy and stupid, as well as unserious.

At least that was what he kept convincing himself, yet it was far more obvious to everyone around you except yourselves that there was definitely more than just animosity.

And as you began going down the steps, you almost tripped as your leg got caught in a root but lucky for you, there was Minho by your other side, who'd pulled your arm to make sure you didn't fall right on your face.

"Seriously if it weren't for me, you'd probably end up dead by now."

His hand still on your arm, the contact making you feel warmer than you should and for a second your eyes drifted towards his lips as you thought about just how close you were to him.

You pulled away your arm and gulped, nodding at his words nonchalantly as you couldn't get the image of his lips out of your mind, as much as you hated it.

Q and Dae again, shared a look as if silently communicating,

Yep, there's more to this than just animosity.

THE FIFTH TIME.

Frowning at the big red F on your Korean Literature test, you felt like bursting into tears.

Really it wasn't your fault you were bad at adjusting to the language, after all it'd only been a few months since you were taught about it afresh.

Kitty sighed at your frowny face, texting your shared group chat about canceling today's movie night for the time being, your phone on silent since you'd gotten the test.

kitty loml 💗 : guys no movie night today, y/n's not feeling too well :((((

You didn't even notice it but Minho immediately texted in the group chat when he read the message.

minhoe 👹 : what happened????

dae my bae 🥳 : wow look who spawned in this "lame gc" 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

👑 : ohhh he's right tho but srsly what happened? are they alright???

kitty loml 💗 : Korean Lit happened 😶

👑 : Ohhhh yikes.

Kitty set aside her phone and looked back at you before you spoke,

"What am I doing wrong? I'm trying my best and it just seems pointless now." You feel tears of frustration forming as you yanked the paper away because it just seemed like the red mark was taunting you.

"Y/N, you know it's not your fault, Korean is really hard to learn afresh and see your Korean is way better than mine already!"

She tried cheering you up and you just shook your head.

"No Kitty, I've been learning this longer than you have and it's not even helping me at all if this is the end result!" You wiped harshly at the tears that poured out, your voice snapping at the end.

You sighed as you saw Kitty flinch, not in fear but more so in surprise because she didn't expect you to snap, yet she knew everyone had their own days.

Exhaling softy, you spoke "Sorry, I didn't mean to snap, I'll just…I'm going to take a shower to cool down."

Before she could reply, you turned away, walking to your room, before you slammed your door shut harsher than you wished.

👑 : how's the situation?

kitty loml 💗 : wellll they've gone to take a shower now, but they are pretty upset.

👑 : oh that's not great.

minhoe 👹 : wait guys, what flavour of Pocky was their favourite again? Cookies and cream or chocolate?

kitty loml 💗 : y r u asking this out of nowhere and I'm pretty sure it's just plain chocolate.

dae my bae 🥳 : oh wait didn't you read the previous messages? anyways it was a pretty long thing but in short Minho went to the grocery store to get some snacks for Y/N cause he's "sure" they haven't eaten yet because of how 'forgetful" they are

👑 : code for comfort snacks for an upset y/n to make them feel better because i care but won't admit it.

minhoe 👹 : gosh you all are do fuckinf annoying

kitty loml 💗 : and you are so fucking whipped

👑 : oop pretty sure i can see him blushing all the way from here

dae my bae 🥳 : he just cussed out loud and now we're getting glared at by some grandma, good going minHOE 👹

slayest of the slayers 🙏 : lol

👑 : OMGFJZJZ HIII HELLO R U OKAYY???

kitty loml 💗 : i thought the giggles were me going insane but it was you okay.

slayest of the slayers 🙏 : one way to say i live in ur mind 😈😈 and yes Q, i am fine for now at least, I'll figure out how to conqure this stupid subject somehow.

minhoe 👹 : plzzz it'd be like having a demon in ur head

👑 : YOU shouldn't say that when y/n is probably in ur mind all day and also feel free to message any of us for help when u need it!

You turned off your phone, laughing as you heard the notifications in your group chat blow up.

You'd gotten out of the shower, feeling way better than you had but still just choosing to lay in your bed when you noticed your notifications were piling up.

You giggled when you read through the chats, intervening and feeling your heart at ease when you thought about your friends worrying over you and checking up on you.

You were grateful to have found them, especially considering you were so new and awkward when you joined KISS, thinking you'd never make friends but now you could proudly say you loved them with all you had.

Though as you laid, gazing up at the celing lit up with lights from outside, you thought of one particular person whose actions nowadays made you more confused than anything.

It was Minho, of course.

Lately it seemed he'd taken a place in your mind, ironically having flashbacks to your conversation in the group chat about you occupying his mind but it was more of the opposite on your side.

At least that was what you thought.

You thought over every gesture of his, everytime he seemed to show he cared but then you recalled his harsh words those times and stepped back a bit from your fantasies.

He was too different anyways, a star out of your reach, a boundary you feared to cross, a line that was the more blatant.

So why did your heart feel heavier at the idea of him being out of league?

You gulped when you mentally weighed your options, closing your eyes and thinking of his annoying smirk but even more his annoyingly pretty smile that was rare but when you did see it, it did something to you that made you feel all fuzzy. His annoying hair that always had strands misplaced which you always itched the urged to tuck them back gently, his soft lips, his eyes-

A knock on your door woke you up and you got up putting your hand on your chest.

The pattering in it making it feel like you just ran a whole marathon.

You rose up and quietly walked to your door.

You think you almost puked your guts out of nervousness when you saw who was on the other end.

"You need to check on your messaging skills." You stayed frozen as Minho pushed you aside and entered your room as though he owned the place. It was like something he had that once he entered a room, it naturally became his place.

You noticed he had a bag of something in his hands and you remembered the texts in the group chats.

"Oh wait, did you really?" You asked pointing towards the bag,as he plopped down on your bed, looking at you while rolling his eyes.

"Of course, I know you'd probably starve yourself if you could, that's why I bought something for you." He said and you made your way towards him, a little skeptical and your nerves didn't seem to have calmed.

You sat down beside him, a bit of distance between you two yet you still felt a bit dizzy considering this was probably the first time he'd been in your room.

He pushed the bag towards you, looking at you expectantly.

"Here, it's mostly what you like, as far as I know." You looked through the assortment and indeed, it was like all of your favourites in one.

Your mind couldn't wrap around the fact that it was Minho out of everyone that remembered all your favorite snacks. A little detail but you found it fluttering when someone would remember the smallest things about you. Only this time it felt like your heart would jump out of your chest as you thought about this.

"Well, are you feeling better now?" You snapped your head towards him, nodding absentmindedly.

"Look. Since I am feeling nice, I'll help you out. I can tutor you between 5-7 every Wednesday and Friday at the library. I checked your schedule and saw you were also free those days-"

"Wait what? Where did you even get my schedule???" You genuinely asked confused trying to comprehend his words.

"Out of all that, that's what you want to know?" Rolling his eyes, he crossed his arms "I saw it during the start of the year, to see which classes I'd have to tolerate you in and mentally prepare myself for."

"..." You narrowed your eyes at him suspiciously.

"Oh…Kay?" You said more so questionably, wondering if you'd ever invest your time in someone like that, especially if it were someone you don't like.

He got up to leave, not wanting to embarrass himself more than he thought he did.

"Well uh…I am gonna go now, don't be late! Or I swear I'm never doing anything nice for your dumbass ever again!Don't forget to eat those, seriously I spent money and my precious time in those." He rushed to your door, turning back one last time to you.

"...Just…just next time, ask for help when you need it alright? And it's okay to not do well at times even if you do your best, sometimes it's not your fault." He looked at you expectantly to which you just nodded, still flabbergasted by his actions since he arrived.

He gave one last nod and turned around, slamming the door closed.

What the fuck just happened ?

You asked more so to yourself as you looked the bag in your hands, Minho's words ringing in your head, him offering to tutor you, actually telling you he'd be tutoring you.

Just him. Him and his…kind gestures?

You groaned, setting the bag down beside your bed and falling flat on your bed.

You stared at the ceiling looking for answers for questions you didn't even know about.

And suddenly a sentence rang through your mind.

Gasping loudly as you sat up, wide eyed as an epiphany hit you,

Fuck.

I think I like him.

I like Minho.

THAT ONE TIME.

As a normal person would when they come to be able to identify the confusion and chaos their mind was in and why they were in that state, you did one thing.

Avoid it and the cause of it.

In other words, as a way to deal with the realization of your liking, you decided to just avoid Minho at all costs, at least until it would come to bite you eventually.

You knew your friends noticed your behavior, how you'd basically changed routes and even certain classes, pouring excuses like you couldn't study during that time and it was better to change.

The new revelation caused a lot of changes in the way you saw of his actions. It definitely didn't help when you would recall at the times he'd done them late in the night and it would leave you with a hope that was only growing higher.

Only to come crashing down when you would think about how he might not even see you in the same way, maybe it was just as a friend.

Frenemies.

A term you learnt and as much as you felt like it certainly fit your dynamic, it still left a bitter afterthought that you hated because you knew you wanted more.

Much more.

As you sat down in a cafeteria in Seoul to study, yes you'd gone that far as to avoid studying at the campus just to avoid bumping into Minho.

And to your misfortune,Minho did notice though, how you didn't show up to the library for your planned study session that you'd confirmed but cancelled last minute, how you didn't even reply to messages in the group chat, excuses like you were busy with work and assignments.

He'd scoff when you pulled that excuse, as if you weren't in the same grade and didn't have the same workload. When he would ask Kitty or Q or anyone actually, they'd also have similar answers, not knowing where you were or you were locked in your room most of the time when Kitty would come to ask you for anything.

You felt guilty for avoiding your friends like that, even Minho didn't deserve that especially considering he'd even offered to help you.

With a sigh, you opened your books and tried to study at least until it was near time to go back to your dorms.

[ a few hours later ]

After a somewhat successful study session of you attempting to finish your Korea Lit assignment that'd been eating your brains quite literally as you felt a headache forming when you realized you didn't understand anything, you decided you had enough.

Groaning exhaustedly, you winded up your books and packed them, deciding it was time to just head back, frankly there'd been so much on your mind you were pretty sure that was probably one of the major reasons you didn't understand anything academic related.

Or you were just terrible at Korean Literature and really should have just stepped in your ego and crushed it when Minho offered to help you and gone to his tutoring lessons.

But noo you just had to have an epiphany that you really liked him, in a romantic way that same day he offered.

Deciding you deserved some kind of reward for tolerating and trying at least, you took a little detour to the grocery store that was along the way.

Purchasing a lychee moju moju along with some small snacks to eat, you quickly rushed to head back to campus before Kitty came back to your dorms from the library.

Memorizing her schedule so as to know when to avoid her became a part of your routine, a benefit was it was quite similar to the rest of them so you could also avoid them all at once. At least until you were ready.

Lost in your thoughts, you didn't even notice something in front of you until it was too late.

And when you took a step and a loud hiss followed that scared you so bad,you literally tripped on your own feet and fell straight to the hard concrete, face first.

Luckily you'd been able to divert your face sideways so to make sure there'd be less of an impact on your precious nose.

Now it was your turn to hiss as you groaned, rising on your hands to get up slowly.

The right side of your face was the one that had contact with the ground so it hurt like a fucking bitch when you tried to move.

As you rose up to your feet, you caressed the side of your injured face and winced when you felt something warm and wet.

Sighing exhaustedly when you indeed saw it was blood.

You're such a clumsy ass.

Words unknowingly flashed in your mind, words that a certain someone once told you and back then you were annoyed but now you felt that they really were right.

As much as it hurts your ego to admit that.

Suddenly you saw something small moving in the corner of your eye, the street being lit up only by street lights placed around five meters apart.

As you moved closer, you hoped this wasn't a grave mistake and you were not walking to your own death.

As you removed your phone from your left pocket to flash your flashlight because it had been in an area where the streetlight did not cover the range hence it was sort of dark.

You braced yourself for the worse,

Okay calm down, you can run for it and you'll save your—

Wait.

What?

You deadpanned once you saw what was hidden in the dark.

It was a cat.

A brown and black one and it was caressing its tail, hissing at you once you flashed your phone at it.

You connected the dots and sighed in relief, knowing it wasn't a murderer and it wasn't a trap; rather you had likely stepped on its tail when you didn't notice it in front of you due to its color being less visible in the dark spot.

A sense of guilt crept up on you when you thought about how you must have hurt it, even if it was unintentionally.

Deciding you'd help it, at least by giving it something to eat, you grabbed your grocery bag that sadly laid out splayed out.

Knowing you didn't have anything cat friendly to feed, you pointed at it as if talking to it.

"I'll be back! Stay here."

Turning around and making a second round trip to the grocery store, not even realizing it was nearing dangerously close to your curfew.

You didn't even notice the look of pure concern on the cashier's face, having forgotten your injuries both as a result of adrenaline basically numbing the pain and also you being in a hurry when you noted the time.

Surprisingly the cat was still in its spot, eyes closed and sitting with its head tilted who you knelt down to it.

You opened the can of tuna and your nose scrunched in disgust at the smell, but someone else was delighted as it leaned forward immediately.

Chuckling at the cat's eagerness, you placed it on the ground and it dived right in, devouring the tuna.

"You probably haven't eaten in a while huh?"

Gazing at the cat with sympathy and speaking as if the cat would understand you, you sighed sadly.

As one would when seeing a cat, you moved your hand to pet its head, but just as you were about to touch it, it decided you were the enemy.

Hissing at you, you didn't even get to avoid it when it swiped it's paw at your hand.

It wasn't too deep, but it definitely left a mark and oh it also definitely hurt, burned as well.

You pulled your hand, seeing the scratch mark deep enough to draw blood and once again groaned in pain.

The swipe was right on your fingers, moving across from your index to your pinky.

And it was beginning to bleed fast.

"Wow so you definitely aren't fond of physical affection." Wincing in pain as now it began to burn even more, you moved behind, pushing the can with your uninjured hand.

"Fine fine I'll leave you be." You told it gently, noticing it had retreated behind.

You got up while pressing your palm to the scratched fingers, making sure it wouldn't just began bleeding badly out of nowhere.

Shit I probably don't even have a first aid kit.

Today could not get any worse.

And you probably jinxed that as you looked the wristwatch in your left hand for the time.

8:45 pm

A whole twenty minutes passed curfew.

Fuck, you were so screwed now.

You facepalmed yourself only to almost scream in pain as you accidentally hit the right side of your injured forehead.

Great I probably look like I got beat up.

You began walking as fast as you could, your bag seeming heavier as you'd stuff everything including your grocery into it.

Please please please let the advisor not be there right now for checking.

As you reached the gates, you sighed in relief seeing they were still open but slowed down to see if there were any guards around.

It felt like you were suddenly thrown into a secret mission, one to avoid getting caught and possibly getting a suspension for being out so late.

Your wound had stopped bleeding profusely when you'd pulled the sleeve of your sweater over it, engulfing your hand completely.

It pained you to ruin that sweater but you could just buy a new one, hopefully.

Hiding behind a streetlight that was a few meters away from the gatez you scanned your surroundings ahead.

You could almost hear the James Bond theme music playing in your head.

You didn't spot any guards around and the gate was open, so you did the one thing only a true spy could possibly dare to do.

Make a run for it.

Ducking your head down and using the sleeve of your sweater to cover your face, you ran as fast as you could inside, trying to make as minimal noise as you could.

That was not the case when the grovel beneath crunched as you made a run for it and you cussed at yourself internally, praying no one was around.

Lucky for you, your dorm was nearer to the entrance and you felt like bursting out in tears of joy when you neared the building.

Running up the steps, you paid no mind to anyone around you.

"Wait, is anyone still out?! It's almost nine come on guys!"

Eyes widening when you realized you made a grave mistake assuming no one was in the hallways, you turned the opposite direction of your room as footsteps began nearing.

Shit, I need to hide.

Being in this crisis was possibly the worst rotten cherry on top of your nightmarish sundae.

Suddenly, you registered this wasn't your hallway, heck you'd entered the wrong building in a moment of stupidity.

This was the boys dorm building when you noticed the familiar numbers.

Wait a minute.

Your eyes scanned for a number you'd seen countless times by now as you slowly but quickly moved ahead. The footsteps had gotten slow and you knew Alex was in the other hallway, probably looking for who was around.

Grinning when the familiar number was on the door, you didn't think much and just knocked harshly.

"Q! It's Y/N, I'll explain everything but please I'll get caught if you don't open right now!"

Whispering harshly into the door in a panicky tone, you knocked rapidly making sure it wasn't too loud.

You were sure your heart almost dropped out of your chest when you heard the footsteps approaching your direction again.

Your hand dropped to your side as you looked in the direction of Alex heading and you didn't even realize the door had already opened.

You almost yelped so loudly when you felt a tug on your arm pulling you inside. The grip on your arm was strong enough to just drag you inside and you closed your eyes out of fear.

You were pinned behind the door, your back pressing into it as a large hand covered your hand to prevent the yelp out of your mouth. The person's other hand was on your waist to prevent you from falling straight to the ground.

You listened closely to the footsteps and sighed in temporary relief when they passed the dorm.

Only now did you grimace in pain,the hand on your mouth unknowingly hurting the injuries on your face,you reached your hand to tug it out of your face.

The person immediately backed away the moment you grimaced, it was so quick as if they'd been burnt by you. You almost fell over as you'd lean your entire weight on them.

"What the actual fuck happened to you?"

A familiar voice asked in both astonishment and even a hint of anger.

Your eyes were still shut, collecting yourself before you opened them as you relaxed briefly.

You had to blink twice when you noticed who was in front of you.

"Oh…it's you." You murmured, looking anywhere else but at Minho the moment you perceived it was him the whole time.

He scanned your entire face, obviously noticing the blood as well as the bruise, as his eyes lowered, he also saw the blood on your sweater sleeve, your hand now free and the visible marks bleeding once again from being exposed to sudden movement.

When he first heard you, he'd been laying on the couch scrolling on his phone, bored because Q had chosen to spend the night at Florian's, having the place to himself for tonight.

He swore he felt his heart drop when he heard you panicking tone on the other side and didn't even care if it was the first time he'd seen in two weeks of nothing, he pulled you in and when he heard you almost yell, he just placed his palm to shut you up as he heard the footsteps pass by.

He didn't mean to scare you but at the moment, all he could really think about was who even or what even happened to you.

"Who did this to you?" His tone seemed aggressive as he questioned in a deeper voice than usual. Well usual was also deep but it was something you got used to.

You'd become frozen the moment he spoke, not knowing what to say, a little embarrassed at how you ended up in this situation. He stepped forward, straightening up instinctively in alarm.

His eyebrows furrowed in question as he pushed his tongue to the side, lowering his head to your level, now near eye level with you, your eyes following his every movement.

You tried not to flinch too harshly when he grazed his fingertips on your cheek and lip, where you'd gotten hurt as well as the place near you eye and eyebrow.

"Uh, so like you see, it looks worse than what actually happened so really it isn't too big of a deal—"

Stepping back a bit, he looked at you ridiculously

"Not too big of a deal ?!" He questioned as if daring you to say it again,

"You must be kidding me right now." He laughed humorlessly as he ran his hand through his hair and you tried not to stare like an idiot.

And as cliche as it could be getting, you felt light headed as you tried to keep your balance. Blinking harshly to keep your eyes open, you almost fell forward when you took a step but this time Minho was able to catch you in time.

"Hey, hey, don't faint on me right now okay? Let's just get you seated first."

You leaned your weight on him as he held you with one arm, he'd move beside you to make you comfortable as he slowly walked you to the couch. Before he laid you down, he removed your bag from your shoulders and put it aside, to make sure you'd be able to lay more properly.

You sighed in both relief and exhaustion when you finally sat down.

"Wait I'll be back."

He recalled the first aid kit he had in his drawer and went to get it as soon as he could.

You shut your eyes, tiredness overwhelming you, not only from the adrenaline high getting over but also from the mental exhaustion that'd you'd been having since the whole mess.

You opened your eyes when you felt a weight beside you, Minho sitting down with a first aid kit in his hand.

He opened it to remove a bottle of hydrogen peroxide that made you scrunch your nose a little in disgust at the color and some cotton pads, band-aids, and a roll of bandage.

You noticed they were hello kitty ones, the same ones you used and that thought made you smile even for a brief moment.

"You really got this ones too?" You asked softly and Minho turned to look at you, looking at the band aids in awe and snorted at your expression.

"You are here, almost on the verge of passing out but you are questioning whether I have the same hello kitty band aids you have? And to answer your question, yes."

"Gotta keep those priorities in check."

He rolled his eyes as he soaked the cotton pad with the hydrogen peroxide, the familiar deep brown color showing.

He gently took your hand and began to clean the wound.

Hissing loudly, you sat more straight about to pull away but he still kept the grip on your arm.

"It's okay, it'll hurt a bit, just hold on for a sec." Minho gently said to you as he focused on cleaning it, laying your hand on your lap and taking another cotton pad when the current one got used enough.

As much as you wanted to cuss out loud, you decided to put your focus elsewhere, choosing his face was the perfect place for that.

His eyes were as soft as his touch, you didn't think he'd be this gentle with you but here you were, him tending to your wounds, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration as his jaw was unknowingly clenched in the same focus.

"Sorry." You blurted out of nowhere, the guilt from everything piling up one by one, from the fact that you'd been ignoring him for two weeks only to show up after and him having to tend to your injuries when he could have just kicked you out.

He briefly made eye contact with you, wiping the now cleaner cuts with a dry cotton pad, and opening the kit again to remove a tube of antibiotic ointment.

The coolness of the ointment made you almost breath out of relief but you were still tense because Minho hadn't said anything yet.

"I get that you must be…angry with me. It's reasonable but I have my own reasons, I think they are pretty valid if you want to hear them out?"

You finished, your throat closing up afterwards and you felt like you'd pass out from how fast your heart began beating.

"How did you get injured like this? First, tell me that." He finally spoke, wrapping a sterile white bandage around your fingers after the ointment.

He carefully finished wrapping and tied a knot, making sure it wasn't too tight as he looked at you questionably, to which you shook your head.

"It's stupid. Really."

"I know you're stupid but—"

"I fell." You let the cat out of the bag and diverted your gaze, his movements pausing to process your words as if he heard wrong.

"Don't lie to me. Did someone bully you and beat you up—"

"I was coming to the dorms from my "study" session at the cafe that's like twenty minutes away from here, when I went to the grocery store for…stuff. And after I got what I needed, I was heading here and I was uh…preoccupied with something that I didn't see what was infront of me, so I stepped on it and then I tripped on my own feet and next thing I know my face was kissing the ground, then when—"

"You're telling me this was all because of your clu—"

"LET ME FINISH!"

Minho shut up after that and pressed his lips into a thin line while you continued,

"As I was saying, I couldn't see what it was and it already hid in the dark when I flashed my phone's light, I saw it was a cat and then I felt bad for stepping on its tail, I went back and got some tuna for it at the store, I gave it to her but I think she was still upset so when I went to pet her, she scratched my fingers, which is why my hand is also injured."

"And oh, I ended up here by accident because I entered your dorm building while I was making a run for it and realized it too late, I didn't want to get caught so I thought of just asking whether I could hide in your dorm until the advisors stopped their rounds."

You breathed out heavily, your chest hurting from the lack of oxygen for saying all that in one go but you didn't want to embarrass yourself by thinking too much about it and just wanted to let it all out in go.

You moved your gaze back to Minho's when you noticed how quiet he'd gotten afterwards, having been looking somewhere else when telling how you got in this situation.

Narrowing your eyes at him suspiciously, he averted his gaze elsewhere while you scanned his expression.

"You can laugh if you want to." Sighing you finally said and that seemed to work as Minho laughed at you.

You deadpanned him as he spoke in between his laughing "You are really the biggest klutz I have known, I mean all this all because of a cat?!"

Rolling your eyes, you lightly frowned and Minho noticing this, began calming down,

"Okay, Okay I won't laugh, I'm sorry." He breathed out as he cleared his throat and looked at you, biting his bottom lip to stop the giggles as he saw your expressions.

"Are we done here? I have to go back to my room too—"

"I haven't even treated your face yet!"

Now it was your turn to shut up and you slightly pouted at his scolding tone,

"As hilarious as your little story is…you need to be more careful. Like this is kinda crazy to get hurt like this by just falling."

"Okay, mum got it." You mocked him and he glared at you, pressing the soaked cotton pad onto your cheek out of nowhere.

"YOU BITCH! WARN SOMEONE NEXT TIME—"

"You should have already known—"

"You KNOW WHAT FUCK YO—"

He ignored you as he continued to clean up your wound, your words being replaced with quite literally having to bite your tongue to control the hisses of pain.

"Now, now please shut up and stay still."

You wanted to cuss at him again, claiming this was abuse but the look on his face challenged you to dare to pipe up again.

Instead, you just sighed in exhaustion, letting him finish his unnecessary kind act that was again questionable if it were out of his supposed kindness or convenience.

"Now there, all done." He placed the final hello kitty band-aid on your lip corner gently and you wished you could smile but that felt like a terrible idea as you remembered that even lifting up the corner of your right side made a sharp pain shoot up your lip.

"Thank you…I guess." You murmured softly to which a smug smile formed on his face,

"I didn't hear you, could you please repeat that for me?" He pretended to be in thought of what you said when he clearly heard you due to your proximity.

You rolled your eyes, crossing your arms and swallowing down the bitter taste on your tongue, having to put your ego down a little at this point.

"I said."

"Thank you for this. Thank you for…helping me. Even when you didn't need to."

Even if you couldn't see it because you'd been looking elsewhere but him, he had a tiny smile on his face as he watched you.

"Anytime clumsy idiot, if it weren't me to handle your clumsy ass, then who?"

It was probably meant as a joke, maybe a taunt even but your heart took it in a different way as you felt the familiar butterflies flutter.

"Minho seriously stop it, you shouldn't just say things like that."

He'd begun winding up the first aid kit and the extra stuff that was there, when he heard you say that under your breath, which made him stop his task.

"Things like what?" He faced you now, his body in your direction as you froze up.

"Oh you know what I mean…stuff that can be taken into….a different context by…people." You awkwardly said, trying to dodge your way out of what you actually meant.

"Do enlightenment me, you know about the context of this." He leaned in closer to you, a smirk forming on his face and you frowned, gulping thinking of what to say next.

"Uhm…well." Biting your lip in thought, the floor seemed like a better place to focus at.

Minho's eyes softened at that, deciding he'd rather not tease you more.

"You know, I still don't get why you have been ignoring me for two weeks. Actually, everyone for two weeks." He blurted out what he really wanted to ask since he'd been able to talk to you properly after this long.

"At first, I thought that maybe you were busy but after the first 4-5 days, I figured you'd been purposefully avoiding me." He said as he looked down and you could feel the guilt creeping up all over again.

"Look. What is something I did?" He asked you with a tone of regret looking at you to see if your expression would reveal anything and as you held eye contact, what made you snap was the sincerity in them.

"No! No, it's not you…well, it is about you but not because of you? It's me though! I am the problem here." Staring at him got too much so you just decided to stand up and avoid looking at him when you spoke. The proximity was also getting to your head and the musky yet expensive smell he wore was suddenly so strong it made you dizzy.

You began racing back and forth in that small space, as you thought of how to explain and you didn't even grasp you'd been rambling the whole time, your hands moving in gestures as actions to your words.

"I sort of just noticed something about me and it got a lot since I never really felt like that way and it's crazy because it is also unexpected—"

Minho stood up and stood in front of you, holding you by your shoulders, genuine concern on his face when he scanned your distressed look.

"Okay calm down, if you don't feel comfortable explaining anything right now, you can just rest and you can tell when you do feel like it."

"No."

He raised an eyebrow at your answer and you continued,

"I think… I want to say it."

He dropped his hands from your shoulders, letting them rest by his sides as you looked into his eyes.

For that moment, you just now perceived how close you were to him, taking in how handsome he truly was, you never admitted it but it was very obvious.

Your eyes momentarily paused on his lips, maybe looking at them for longer than one should and before you could trail your gaze lower to the dip of his throat in his hoodie, you paused at his Adam's apple that bobbed up and down as he swallowed.

Even though he'd been the one who got close to you like this, Minho still felt a little nervous when you looked up at him like the way you were right now.

"Turn around." You ordered before you could even think about it and confusion flooded his face.

"I won't be able to say it while looking at you so please."

Pausing for a brief second, he turned on his heel now facing the greenish bluish wall.

"You know if you want to confess to a murder, you don't need to be afraid, I'll help you hide—"

"I think I'm in love with you." You exclaimed, ignoring his words as you stared at the back of his head.

He was not that taller than you, just by a few inches or so but it was just the right height.

Immediately, you noticed him shut up and tense up as his shoulders straightened.

"I personally never thought it'd be you out of all people but fuck, it's not like your heart lets you decide who you should fall in love with." You tugged at the uninjured hand's sleeve while you used your other to brush your hair behind your ear.

"As cheesy as that sounds. I don't know when it happened or how it happened but I do know when I knew. It was when you bought food for me when I was upset and it was everything I liked. Or maybe it was when despite being cold yourself, you'd offered me your sweater and gosh you just know how to pull at one's strings don't you?"

"I'll admit though, I was annoyed by you and your…attitude and I still will be but it's just that, crazily enough I think that's just one of the reasons I fell for you."

"You're many things Minho, stupid, annoying as fuck, bitchy at times as well, but you're also sweet and caring when you want to be. And now I am just rambling at this point so I'll just shut up."

You pressed your lips into a thin line, the ground a great place to put your attention, your cheeks warming up and you swore you felt like you'd faint then and there.

It was like the atmosphere took a change after your confession and momentary rant. A lingering silence that felt loud and you really didn't know what to think.

Can I die at this moment right now? Dropping dead sounds so tempting.

"..."

"...can I uh…turn around now? To you know…talk?" He asked, scratching the back of his neck nervously your eyes snapped to him, widening when you recalled that he was still facing the wall.

Groaning at the fact that you forgot he was not facing you, you coughed out awkwardly,

"Yeah! Of course…you can."

You held your breath as you waited for him to turn around, and when he did, you couldn’t even look at him.

Minho honestly didn’t know what to think, say or do.

Because what can you say after the person you’ve been pining over since the past few months suddenly confessed their apparently reciprocated love to you?

He thought he’d been doing a decent job hiding his feelings so he doesn’t need to face the brutal rejection fear we all get when we have a crush on our supposed ‘enemy’. But it got harder for him as time went by, and soon enough he found himself completely head over heels for you.

Taking his obvious silence as your answer, your heart grew heavier at the lack of response and you spoke up, breaking the blanket of quietness.

“I suppose you don’t feel the same way so I should probably just go anyways it’s getting late, just…forget I said anything-”

You began to slowly take a few steps back, making sure you wouldn’t fall and injure yourself again,

Minho’s head sharply turned towards you as his eyes widened in alarm, “Wait! You didn’t even let me say anything!”

Pausing in your steps before you could swiftly turn for the door and exit as quick as you could, now a sheepish look on your face as you saw his slightly annoyed and alarmed look.

“Well, I just assumed your silence was an answer?”

He crossed his arms now a few feet away from you as he was already making his way towards you.

“There you go again with you and your assumptions! You really should let someone speak at least.” He sighed rubbing the gap between his brows with his index finger.

He moved closer to you, now only an arm's length away from you, “Look at me, please?”

You had to raise your head a little to look him in the eyes and you felt like you could get lost in them, one hand was on your side, clenched in a fist out of nervousness.

“Who said I didn’t feel the same?” He asked so casually as if asking for your name and you could only gape at him at the implications.

“Because I definitely know that,” He gulped as he looked down at you, feeling like his heart might just jump out of his chest at what he was about to say.

“I am in love with you, maybe a little or by a whole lot. A whole lot I swear I can feel my heart jump just at your presence. I didn’t say anything because honestly, I thought this was another dream I was having, I had to pinch myself to make sure. But I do feel the same, possibly more than you ever will.”

Your jaw might as well have been on the floor at his unexpected confession, frankly, yours was also something you didn’t think you were going to say, but you said it because you couldn’t keep it in you anymore.

“Hold on, what do you mean by another dream?” You narrowed your eyes at him suspiciously, deciding to mess around with him but in reality, you were soaring and your heart probably long leaped out of you in pure euphoria.

“Out of all that, you picked up on only that?!? Did you just- just completely dismiss the fact that I am in love with you as well?!”

Giggling at his expression, you couldn’t contain your happiness as he fell for your joke and once he realised that he glared at you half-heartedly,

“You think you’re so funny huh? Do you even know how hard it was for me to say that? I almost fainted for fucks sake!”

You laughed even more at that, having to hold your stomach with one hand as you leaned forward and at the sound of your laughter, his own smile he’d been trying to control showed as he rolled his eyes at you, shaking his head.

“You seriously know how to make a guy have a heart attack.”

At this, you looked up at him stepping even closer as you bopped his nose,

“But you literally just confessed to being in love with me and you can’t take back what you said now.”

A comical squeak arose from you as he wrapped his arms around your waist out of nowhere pulling you closer, gently moving your injured hand on his shoulder to make sure you didn’t get hurt and you moved your other one around his neck.

It wasn’t like he’d never touched you, but still, the spark of electricity shooting through your entire body didn’t change one bit and it felt the same for him as the warmth radiating from you seemed to engulf him as well.

Staring at him, your eyes trailed to his lips and you moved closer, wanting to just,

Before you could even close the distance, you felt a finger on your lips and heard him whisper to you,

“No, no, you can’t kiss me right now, as much as I want to, you first need to let this heal.” He tenderly poked the right corner of your lip where you’d forgotten you were hurt at the moment.

Pouting slightly at that, Minho chuckled and before you could whine, he swiftly leaned forward and pecked your lips, lingering for a second before pulling back,

“That’s all you get, for now.” Sighing you just nodded, knowing it was for the best.

“You know you still have to make up to me for ignoring me for two weeks, I mean not only me but I’m sure Kitty’s ready to kick your ass as well, I heard she was planning to threaten to burn your giraffe socks if you didn’t talk to her.”

Suddenly a realisation hit you when you remembered something,

“IS THAT WHY I CAN’T FIND THEM SINCE THE PAST TWO DAYS?!?”

“...I suppose she’s already executed her plan.”

all written works as well as images and edits (unless credited) belong to pri. do not plagiarise, repost, re-edit or claim as yours. pics mostly found on pinterest.

links : main navigation !

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megistusdiary · 7 months ago

Text

random thought i had this morning, but can you imagine signora as your rich mean best friend??

she's a little toxic with the way she just drags you along like you're her little puppy. she calls you pathetic in a cute way.

she does your hair and makeup for you, saying it's a shame you don't know how to make yourself look good since you're actually cute.

she even invites you on her family's yearly summer trip, to which you politely decline, saying you're not using her for money. but that just makes her want to bring you along more.

(nsfw utc)

when you get there, she's basically making you sit by the pool/beach with her the entire time. oh, you brought your own bathing suit? that's cute. not acceptable, though.

she's taking you out shopping, showing you the cutest, tiniest bikinis, telling you it's suuuper popular wherever you are. part of you knows it's an excuse to see you practically naked with the way she eyes you in the dressing room.

and that same part of you actually likes it. you like the attention she gives you, even if she's a bitch sometimes, you still love her.

and you can't really be mad when she has you eat her out on the beach after sunset. and you really can't be mad when she returns the favor by fucking you with a strap she brought just for you ♡

she laughs at your little mewls, her thumb on your clit, the other hand on your hip as she fucks into you, eyeing your cute tits bouncing with each thrust.

she tells you how cute a leash would look on you, how much prettier you are when you're completely exposed underneath her.

she's degrading you too, calling you her little pet, saying she always knew you were secretly a slutty little thing. but she loves it because she follows that right up with the fact that she always wanted to see it for herself, but only for her and nobody else.

you're hers.

oh, and don't worry. after all this, she's going to absolutely spoil you rotten. you don't want her for her money? how sweet.

too bad. she's going to get you a swarovski anklet with her name on it so she can hear it jingle while she fucks you ♡

#is it just me orrrr #i ♡ toxic yuri #genshin smut #genshin impact smut #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader smut #fem reader #genshin wlw #la signora x you #la signora x reader #la signora #la signora smut #signora x reader #signora #signora smut #💐─𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘬𝘴 #🪷─𝘥𝘳𝘢𝘣𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘴 `♡´

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hurts2think · 3 months ago

Note

If you can do yandere, can you do a yandere headcanon with Uliana x fem reader?

🐚Uliana x Reader Possessive Headcanons🐚

Reader pronouns: She/her

Pairing: Uliana x Fem!reader

Plot: Headcanons of you and Uliana dating but she's a little possessive.

Extra: I do NOT support this type of relationship. This is just pure fiction and fantasy, never treat your partners poorly in real life. I'm not really into this kind of stuff so I struggled a little but I really love Uliana so much and this is the only request I've ever gotten for her so I tried my best !! I hope you guys like this 🫶

- Uliana became intrigued by you very early on but she wasn't exactly sure why so you became a target of her bullying in teasing.

- But you didn't take her bullying so easily. You stood up to her and wouldn't let her pick on you.

- This only made her more intrigued and frustrated/conflicted with her own feelings

- She became a little obsessed with trying to knock you down a peg so you'd find her around you pretty much all the time.

- She would pick on you but at the same time would threaten anyone who got a little too close to you

- You never really hated Uliana. It wasn't like anything she did or said genuinely hurt you.

- Plus you enjoyed pissing her off

- It took her about three months to actually suggest anything romantic between the two of you

- She really was ready to do whatever it takes to get you to date her. But she was very surprised when you were open to it

- Once you started dating she had no idea how to show any of her affection—especially with words.

- You two do end up arguing quite a bit

- She doesn't really like any of your friends and often encourages you to drop them.

- Really she doesn't like anyone that talks to you.

- She's very scared that you'll find someone else and leave her. That's why she's suspicious of all of your friends

- She grabs you a lot with her tentacles. She'll grab you by the arm, waist, anything to stop you from turning your back on her when angry.

- She'll grab you by the waist with her tentacles whenever to drag you around.

- Obviously she's very protective of you. If anyone is flirting with you she'll come up beside you and kiss you, making sure they know you're taken.

- You won't know why, but anyone that flirts with you will be too scared to even look at you the next day

- She loves putting lipstick on and then kissing you all over, leaving lipstick traces on your skin. It’s like a reminder for her that you’re hers.

- She really doesn't care if you dress more masc or fem, but she loves seeing you in pretty dresses and skirts

- She won’t say it but she loves if you also get protective of her

- She never brings you to the black lagoon of hangouts with the other VKs.

- She doesn’t want you influenced by them because she loves you how you are and would probably die of guilt if you became more villainous

- She’s also scared of you liking the other VKs more than her.

- When talking to other people she pretty much only refers to you as "My girlfriend" rather than your name.

- When talking to you she says "My princess."

- If she's mad usually she uses your real name

- She never tries to physically hurt you but sometimes her affection is a unknowingly aggressive.

- She acts annoyed with your lovey-dovey stuff but actually adores it so much

- Insists that you two have to be around each other all of the time.

- If you even work on a school project with someone else she gets upset and will make sure to glare at that person for the rest of the year

- It’s one thing if someone flirts with you, but if someone hurts you? They’re probably not going to be seen on school premises again.

- She tried to make you sell your soul to her so that you couldn’t ever leave but of course you refused… she was not happy.

- You probably told her that you needed to take a break from the relationship but she took that as you wanted to break up.

- She lashed out and yelled about it to the other VKs

- She was pretty determined to have your soul now, but the other VKs somehow managed to calm her down and reassure her you were only taking a break

- After a week or when you were ready to be with her again she was overjoyed (though she hardly showed it)

- The two weeks you guys were on break were absolutely miserable for her.

- She pretty much watched you from afar the whole time to make sure you weren’t up to anything

- Plus she still wanted to keep an eye on you since she wasn’t around to protect you

- She eventually starts to learn how to keep a healthy consistent relationship. It takes awhile but she really does try her best and things eventually start to work out better.

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stellar-constellations · 1 year ago

Text

Yuri Briar Masterlist

Yuri Briar x Fem! Spy! Reader series: An Alliance (Temporary Haitus)

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7

Part 8

Part 9

Announcements:

Temporary Haitus for An Alliance

Poll:

What do YOU want to read? (April Fool’s poll)

Headcannons + oneshots:

Mean! Yuri Briar x Fem! Reader

Yuri Briar x Fem! Reader dating headcannons

Yuri Briar x Sick! Fem! Reader

Yuri Briar x Fem! Reader birthday head cannons

Yuri Briar x Fem! Spy! Reader (Christmas Special)

Yuri Briar x Affectionate! GN! Reader

Yuri Briar x Fem! Spy! Reader (small fic of if Yuri and reader were told to kiss instead of Loid and Yor).

Yuri Briar x Fem! Spy! Reader (Date headcannons)

Does this masterlist look dry or do you have any requests yourself? Ask away!

Looking to see what else I write? Here's my fandom masterlist!

Make sure to check my rules before requesting!

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maruchan25 · 4 months ago

Note

may I request a headcanon of Yuri Briar x a fem reader?

thanks for your request (gif no mine)

-his a sweetheart his just a bit obsessed

-he waited atleast 2 months of relationship to present you to Yor he have been talking non stop about her to you and the same to her when he presented you to her

-Yor is happy that you are there for her Lil brother and has a good relationship with you and Yuri is happy the 2 person's he loves the more get well with each other

-he makes mental notes of all your likes and dislike and he tries to remember them all

-you live in his mouth all day he can't just help but talk out of the blue about his wonderful gf

-he lies to you about his work cuz he don't want you involved in that in any way he hates the feeling of lying to you but he would say it one day to you...just not any time soon

-he don't want loid anywhere near you and he keeps you behind him when his around and he tells you all his suspicious about him

-even if he feels that way about loid his heart can't help but flutter when Anya calls you aunt

-jealous 9/10 he gives you privacy an all but he dont thrust anyone out of Yor and him near you

-he is very romantic and thoughtful he brings your flowers whenever he can but not small ones he brings you BIG bouquets all the boutique if he can

-his petnames "my love","princess" and "sweetheart"

-his very affectionate and clingy towards you infront of people his cold as fuck but for you he is a mass of love

#my headcanons #spy x family #yuri briar #Yuri briar x reader #fem reader #Spy fa #Spy family x reader

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pupyuj · 1 year ago

Note

I need you to continue the g!p joyuriz one omg 😵‍💫

ngl i've been thinking on this for a while bcs i miss them.. my three idiots... also ik the idea was joyuriz fucking you before a performance but i lowkey forgot so... 🤪

[cw: gangbang, g!p, oral, dubcon, anal, blowjob, handjob, masturbation, fingering, throatfucking]

imagine like... being an up-and-coming actress and taking up a job as an mc for a music show 🤭 le sserafim, yena, and yuri's comebacks somehow miraculously being in sync with each other so naturally, joyuriz find their way back to each other and they were checking you out in the hallways 😭 whispering to each other about how great you looked in your dress and them having long discussions about how they would fuck you in it⁉️⁉️ but then you looked at them and suddenly they're good girls who smile and bow at you before they go back into staring at your ass and getting their dicks hard bcs they're actually pervs 😳😳

at the interview thingy, the three of them couldn't keep their eyes off of you 😵‍💫 yena was literally only looking at your tits, chaewon had to hide half of her body behind yunjin because her fucking bulge was so big that she couldn't even make up an excuse for it, and yuri was just lost in her head, thinking of all the ways she wanted to ruin you... and that was when she got the idea to invite you to her waiting room after all the performances were done! 🤭 somehow she got all of her staff team to leave the room so it was just you and her,, she talked to you about some normal enough things... your experience as a new actor so far, sharing her own experiences and adventures in the acting industry, that kind of stuff yk? and then yena and chaewon show up,, all changed in some more comfy attire and so fucking ready to fuck you 😁

yuri starts it off first of course! sitting beside you, putting her hand on your thigh... and then taking your hand and putting on her stiff crotch... you jolting back, shocked when you finally realized what their intent was but before you could make any move to leave, yena was sitting beside you, trying to ease you by rubbing your shoulders and telling you to calm down and there's chaewon, standing in front of you, staring down at you with hooded eyes,, yena grabbing your jaw and kissing you and yuri fondling your tits 😵‍💫😵‍💫 yulyen completely distracting you from chaewon and the sight of the ever-growing bulge beneath her sweatpants...

yena and yul making you look while chaewon pulls down her pants, revealing her throbbing hard cock,, and you're completely enticed by the precum that leaked from her slit,, practically drooling at the sight but there was still that feeling of fear that sat on the pit of your stomach, knowing that the three of them were going to to use you until they were satisfied...

being the most comfortable with yuri, so you oblige when she tells you to put chaewon's cock in your mouth,,, going about it as slowly as possible, trying to get yourself used to a size bigger than what you usually took but chaewon was impatient :((( her grabbing your head and forcing her cock down deeper inside your mouth, groaning when she hits the back of your throat,, you claw at her thighs and attempted to push her away so you could breathe properly but chaewon had your head in a death grip—she would not let go. meanwhile, yena had snuck a hand underneath your skirt, rubbing your clit through your panties and grinning at the feeling of your thighs closing around her wrist,, yuri was kissing your neck, leaving hickeys while she unzipped your dress from the back,,

"you're gonna be good and swallow all of chaewonie's cum, okay?" yuri was saying but you could barely hear her since you and chaewon were moaning,, what with her cock completely filling your throat up with how big she was and yena nearly pushing you to your own climax bcs she was sooo good with her fingers 😳😳 chaewon holds your head down on her cock while she spills her cum inside your mouth, a string of swears leaving her own as she emptied herself... omgdjkdjc her cum dripping down your chin a bit bcs chae comes so much :((( but yuri was there to shove chaewon's cum back into your mouth with her fingers 🤤

"sorry, i'm being greedy... but i need to feel her pussy around my dick," chaewon said and ofc yena and yuri would do whatever she wants bcs they know how much chaewon needed to get off some more 🤭

them positioning you so that yena's cock would be inside your ass while chaewon pounds into your pussy :((( meanwhile, you were trying your hardest to stroke yuri's cock, but the feeling of yena and chaewon's dicks inside you proved to be too much... not like they cared, ssamyen keeps on fucking you in a rough pace and yuri slapped you into paying attention to her. "do your best, (y/n)... or else i'll have to punish you." yuri says and then she grabs your jaw and forces her cock inside your mouth despite your protest,, aaaa fuck all of them moaning so loudly and cutely because your holes just felt too good :(((

"we're gonna come inside y-you, (y/n).. f-fuck... and you're gonna let everybody know how good we're making you feel..." yena leaves several marks on your back as she thrusts her hips,, god she was drooling like a rabid dog, grunting and groaning in your ear and fucking into your asshole like it was going to be the last time,, it definitely wasn't! especially now that she knows how easy it is to manipulate a pretty thing like you into being a whore for her and her friends...

mmmdhsjhksk all three of them coming at the same time,, god,,, yuri pulling out of your mouth and coming all over your face and chest,, and chaewon and yena filling up your insides with their warm seed, and ofc you come right after,, hugging chaewon as you did so and collapsing on her chest,, 😵‍💫😵‍💫 feeling so disoriented after getting dicked down that you could barely register all the sweet things the three of them were saying to you 🥺 chaewon holding you so gently and laying down on the couch so she could cuddle you,, yuri petting your head and kissing you jshsdksjfh and yena cleaning you up,,

but of course.. yena couldn't resist touching your pussy again but she knew you were exhausted to hell after what they all did so she was gentle as she rubbed your clit to stimulate you some more 🤭🤭 "ha... you can still keep going after all that? what a good girl..." chaewon whispered, watching your squirm and whine softly at the sensation... you were quick to come this time bcs you were just so sensitive at this point :((( but the girls didn't care!!

hhhh all of them taking turns fucking you with their fingers very gently,, they knew they should give you a break but god your voice was just so fucking pretty!! they couldn't get enough of you at all 🥰💞

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iheartgirlzn · 2 months ago

Text

HOW COULD CUPID BE SO CRUEL?

pairing: piper mclean x fem!reader

tags: angst, wlw situationship, mentions of internalised homophobia, lesbian!reader, jason x piper mentioned, implied big three!reader (she’s a child of zeus, poseidon, or hades)

warning(s): internalised homophobia (reader), wlw angst

🐚 notes: i just wanna say that there is nothing wrong with being queer/apart of the LGBTQ+ community, and that you are valid no matter how you identify. i love u all so so much, anyways sorry for being sappy i just wanted to make that clear !! (also, ik most of the gods are a lil fruity, so reader is self-conscious of her sexuality because of how she was raised, or something like that 🤞)

piper is straight. that’s a fact, and you know that. she also has a boyfriend - a picture perfect man that every normal girl would want. except for you. because you’re not normal. because you have a crush on piper mclean. a BIG one.

honestly, you know you could treat her better than any boyfriend of her’s ever could. she’s perfect for you, and you’re perfect for her. your personalities blend well, you have loads in common, you’re practically made for each other!

it was as if the gods made one of you with the other in mind, so why, why doesn’t she love you?

apart from the obvious fact you’re a girl… well, never mind, that could pose as a good enough reason.

maybe the gods made you two as a sick joke. to joke fun at your ‘all mighty father’ for having a lesbian daughter. it was shameful.

—

today was probably the worst of your life.

you and piper were hanging out, and usually whenever that happened, you imagined that the two of you were on a date or something - tonight was no different.

you, hazel, annabeth, and piper were all having a sleepover. a ‘girls night’ if you will.

hazel and annabeth were on the floor talking about famous art and architecture from ancient greece, or something like that - something you and piper had little interest in.

you sat side by side, listening to the girls talk, when you ended up zoning out, their voices like white noise. though, you zoned back in immediately after piper touched your hand, her pinkie finger subtly interlacing with your own.

you looked up at her, a strained smile on your face as you fought down a blush. she was looking at your hands.

“i wish you were a boy.” she whispered, hardly loud enough for you to hear, her words probably only meant for her own ears.

in that moment, you heart seemed to break into a million pieces. you felt as if eros himself had ripped the beating muscle out of your chest and crushed it. it took everything in you not to burst out into tears right then and there.

“i know.” you mumbled in reply, voice shaky. “excuse me.”

standing up, you quickly left the room, leaving the two girls on the floor with confused expressions on their faces and piper with a guilt ridden one.

quickly finding the nearest bathroom, you started to bawl, knees drawn up to your chest.

‘gods, you are a cruel man eros.’

#angie writes ⋆˙⟡#im horrible at ending blurbs #idk how #ANYWAYS #DOOMED YURI YAY #piper mclean x reader #piper mclean x fem!reader #fem!poseidon!reader #wlw #x reader #pjo x reader #hoo x reader #pjo hoo toa #heroes of olympus #piper mclean #percy jackson fandom #rick riordan

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notlelesposts · 1 year ago

Note

yk how Yuri is the bringer of revenge and nanno is bringer of karma (good and bad), could you make an x reader that’s the bringer of flourishment and yuri and nanno fights for her attention, but reader actual likes them both

𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐒𝐄 — nanno + yuri

• • •

genre: fluff ig?

cw: gn!reader , not proofread

notes: sorry if it took me long to make this and that this is short , i havent been on tumblr much

• • •

yuri and nanno definitely werent two peas in a pod. they never got along, and both stood for completely different things.

on the other hand you? you were a different story. they both adored you. but, they were both aware that one another were basically in love with you.

in anyway they could, they would fight for you attention. whether it was by doing something sweet like giving you flowers or another gift, or if it was by doing something absolutely horrid to the point where you had to notice them. either way, one of them was always doing something to gain your attention and take the spotlight off the other one

when you treated both of them kindly, it frustrated them even more. it felt like you were playing with both their hearts, even if that wasnt your intentions.

they decided that maybe it was time to go confront you.

when you saw nanno and yuri both walking toward you, not even sparing the other a glance, you found it a bit weird. you still waved at both of them.

“choose.”

“what?”

“choose!” yuri yelled at you. nanno immediately gave her a dirty look. you shook your head. “im sorry, what is happening? what am i supposed to be choosing.”

nanno spoke up. “we both like you. a lot. and were tired of the fact that we never stop fighting for your undivided attention, so we ask that you choose one of us. then we could know which one you like more and we could stop all this arguing.”

you stared at both of them for a second before breaking down in laughter. yuri looked at you confused while nanno still had her same nonchalant look that she always had.

“whats funny?” yuri asked.

you laughed a little more before trying to stop yourself so you could talk. “let me get this straight… you think i only like one of you?”

nanno and yuri nodded.

you began to laugh again before explaining. “sorry if i gave off the impression that i only was attracted to one of you, but its quite the opposite. i like both of you.”

yuri and nanno looked surprised for a second.

“you like… both of us? and you mean as more than friends, right?” nanno repeated your words, confused. you nodded. “yes. i like both of you as way more than friends.”

nanno and yuri both looked at eachother for a second before looking back at you, smiling.

• • •

#gfn nanno x reader #girl from nowhere #nanno x fem!reader #nanno #nanno x reader #angst #gfn nanno #gfn nanno x afab!reader #nanno x afab!reader #x reader #yuri girl from nowhere #gfn yuri x afab!reader #gfn yuri x fem!reader #gfn yuri x reader #yuri gfn #gn!reader #x gn!reader

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thecoolercatster · 3 months ago

Text

Godsent: Chapter 2

Yae Miko x Bird-Hybrid!Fem!Reader

Note: This chapter is another short build-up because I don’t know how to write properly. The smut will be in the next chapter! I promise!

Artist credit: @NCalixto1

You found yourself a bright sunny spot at the edge of the shrine, amidst the grasses that have been well taken care of. You curled yourself into a comfortable position, like a feather ball. Spread your large wings and wrap them around until they cover you up from head to toe. The air of the mountain is cold, so the warm ray of the sun soothes you.

One month after the stormy night, you had already accustomed yourself with shrine duties. But even so, you occasionally spent your time slacking off and playing around with the kitsunes or just dozing off on the field. Today is just another of those days.

“Y/N! Slacking off again?” A somewhat sharp voice of a certain shrine maiden called the name the Guuji gave you, there it is, your relaxation time is over.

You get up from your comfortable position, seeing the face that called for you (although you already knew who she was right when you heard the voice). It’s your caretaker the Guuji assigned, Kano Nana.

“The leaves on the lawn still haven't even been touched and it’s your duty today.”

Kano said with a palm on her face, trying to remain as calm as possible. The sight gave you a little io chuckle, but enough teasing for today, you followed her back to do your duties at the shrine.

“Oh and also, the Guuji would like you to meet her tonight in her chamber.”

“Eh?”

You looked back at your caretaker with confusion, throughout the months you’ve talked with the Guuji various times but those were just little simple conversations. She has never called for you like this.

With the broom on both of your hands, you silently swept the leaves and petals on the stone lawn, thinking about various things.

The reason why you stayed in the shrine in the first place, The Guuji’s promise.. does she still even remember that? Or was it merely her way to get herself a new staff? Questions after questions still unanswered, you’ll definitely pay her a visit tonight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Woe of a Maiden (Kano Nana’s POV):

I’m freaking out.

Last month the Guuji brought another girl to the shrine and assigned me to take care of her. I thought it was going to be fine since she looks like a beautiful timid angel, but now I’m feeling like I’m taking care of a second Sayu! An even more energetic one!

The Guuji said that I was the one fitting to babysit the most, which kind of makes sense. But still, I feel like this entire spiel was to tease me! I know she said that I’m her favourite shrine maiden yet, so her teasing me is probably just her being affectionate.

I’m feeling like my throne of being “the Guuji’s favourite shrine maiden” is slowly shaking. I'm totally happy for it to happen though. Archons please just dethrone me already. That Y/N girl definitely got potential for being the Guuji’s new fav though. Guuji even called for her tonight.

All I could say is. I wish her the best of luck for her upcoming troublesome future.

#genshin impact #fem!reader #yae x reader #yae miko x reader #genshin impact x reader #wlw #yuri

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carpkoinobori · 3 months ago

Text

[†] thursday girl — giselle x reader

[𖤐] 1/1 [please be aware this is all fiction! none of this is real and idols behavior is not accurately represented.]

summary: you debut in SM’s newest girl group. The industry isn’t what you thought it’d be. It’ll be fine, right? or , more accurately: a girl’s guide to breaking all ten commandments.

pairing: giselle x aespa member!reader

to be honest the dynamic is more like the apple x the snake x eve

tags: angst, happy and open ending, literally just angst though, reader is raised catholic

wc: 7.3k

cw: dieting, eating disorders, religious trauma, catholic guilt, homophobia, internalized homophobia, comphet, mild implied sexual content, creepy variety show hosts and fans mentioned, the mortifying ordeal of being a girl

ex: not beta read, reader is third oldest/youngest - middle of five. reader’s stage name is Eve.

a/n: leaving this warning here. I was raised catholic. if you find negative mentions of organized religion upsetting, this one isn’t for you. NOT BETA READ ONCE AGAIN

psalm 32:1-5 Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord does not count against him, and in whose spirit is no deceit. When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Then I acknowledged my sin to you, and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord’— and you forgave the guilt of my sin.

——————————————————————————————————— debut.

that’s what you’ve been working towards your entire life, what you hungered for, what you wanted.

since your early teen years, you’ve dreamed of debuting. You loved to perform, to sing, to dance— that’s why you were in your church’s choir group. The advent show, the way of the cross, everything— you were there.

did your parents approve of you being an idol? Absolutely not. They tried to convince you to settle down with one of the nice churchboys, the son of one of their friends. He was.. nice, okay looking. But you just didn’t like him. You dreamt of falling in love, being swept off your feet into happily ever after— but for most of your life, you had never even had a real crush! You must just not have found the right guy yet. It only counted when it was with a boy.

you auditioned for SM, and miraculously, you got in. Your days were spent training, dancing, weighing, singing, dancing, showcasing, singing, training, dancing, weighing— a cycle, really.

you met Yu Jimin and Kim Minjeong pretty early on, and you got along great with Jimin. She was catholic, and so were you! She wasn’t as dedicated as you, of course, but it was nice to have something in common.

you all didn’t get the chance to talk with Ning Yizhou a whole lot, even if she did share a dorm with minjeong. You dormed with jimin, but there was an empty bed.

that bed would be filled by one Aeri Uchinaga.

and from that day, your life would also be filled by aeri uchinaga.

The five of you were called to a meeting. You were a little worried, of course, clutching your silver cross chain and pressing the tip of it into your chest. A nervous habit.

“Hello girls,” the man began, the five of you sitting and fidgeting nervously.

“I have good news for you all. You five will be debuting as SM’s newest girl group, Aespa. Congratulations,” he smiled, and it felt like your world had just crumbled and rebuilt itself, three times over.

“We’ll begin thinking of your stage names soon, so feel free to give us some ideas. We’ll be waiting,” the man continued, and like that, the meeting ended.

you all had to celebrate, right?

The five of you met in your dorm, as minjeong didn’t want to bother the other trainee living there. You all begin thinking of stage names, and your eyes drifted to the figurine of Mary that sat on your nightstand. Jimin was thinking of using Katarina, her baptismal name, anyway! Your confirmation name could also work, but you weren’t sure.

“What if I used Mary?” You thought out loud, the other four girls turning their heads to glance at you, and the figure just behind you.

“Mary?” Jimin began. “Like, the Virgin Mary? Our Lady of Naju?” She questioned.

“Yes, I quite like the idea, don’t you?” The other girls knew you spoke a little formally, never really speaking in slang or impolitely in the slightest. It was your parents, after all. You had grown up in a secluded, small town in America, but your parents had taught you Korean, along with your own interest, reading books to perfect grammar. Sadly, that didn’t really teach you many informal words— not that your parents would allow that. You had to be a lady, of course.

“It seems a bit.. outdated, doesn’t it?” Aeri voiced, tentatively, and the other girls agreed with her. They began giving suggestions.

“What about Lily?” Jimin offered.

“Eden— no, maybe Eve?” minjeong hummed.

“Lilith!” Ning exclaimed, much to the amusement of the other girls.

“Ning, that’s similar to Lily, though, isn’t it?” Minjeong gave an amused half-smile.

“I guess so,” she sighed.

“I like Eve,” Aeri voiced, and the other girls all mostly agreed, although more name suggestions were given out, for everyone.

You debuted with the names Karina, Giselle, Eve, Winter, and Ningning.

you said a prayer every morning and every night, with the rosary that was around the figurine. A small Our Father, a Hail Mary, an Act of Contrition— no matter what, you never missed your morning and nightly prayers, no matter how small. You attended mass on Sunday, and while you usually couldn’t go in person, you’d try to listen to it in the morning, before it was time for practice, or at night, before bed— it didn’t matter how much sleep you gave up for it.

You were moved into a group dorms a bit after debut, Black Mamba being a sensational hit. You dormed with aeri, while ning and minjeong dormed together, karina having pulled the leader and oldest card to secure the single-room.

You and aeri weren’t exactly close. There was no animosity, of course, you two just never really got the chance to talk. It was definitely by chance. Not because she made your heart beat just a little faster, your steps a little more uncoordinated, your words fail. It wasn’t that. It wasn’t that at all.

you just admired the other girl. It didn’t help that you two had more than one language in common— aeri had gone to an international school, you were raised in america. You just hadn't gotten the chance to approach her, that was all.

well, the first night before the debut stage, you couldn’t sleep. You tossed and turned, finally sitting up, when—

“Can’t sleep?” aeri’s voice was low with sleep, and she was speaking in english. You felt an uncomfortable skip in your heart.

“Oh, yes, I’m just a bit restless,” you laughed, definitely not nervously. “I am, too. Just a little,” she replied, making a pinching gesture with her fingers, and a smile.

“Why?” You asked, even if it was kind of a dumb question.

aeri was silent, for a beat. At one point, you started to wonder if she was even going to respond.

“I’m just kind of.. scared,” she admitted. “We’re gonna be on display to the whole world, and who knows what’ll happen?” She chuckled, throwing her arms up just a bit. “I’m just.. worried. And.. I mean obviously, I miss home,” she added.

you looked at her, slightly, turning your head just to glance at the dark haired girl. “I know,” you murmured. “I miss home too, even if it wasn’t.. the most exciting place. I just miss it,” you continued. You were just a little afraid you were speaking too quickly in english, but aeri seemed fine. “I mean, I understand. I miss my parents,” she agreed.

you wished you could say the same. It’s not that you didn’t love your parents, but they were a little.. much. They didn’t like the fact you hadn’t found a guy yet. They’d ask you if you.. liked girls. You denied it, you didn’t! You were steadfast in your faith, dedicated, you didn’t like girls. You couldn’t.

“I miss my friends, you know. Sometimes I worry I’ll forget english,” you admitted.

“Well,” aeri gave a grin. “I’ll talk to you in english all you want if you promise to talk to me in japanese,”

you didn’t even speak japanese, but for her? you’d learn.

You smiled. “Of course,”

the two of you tried your best to sleep, after that, but it was mostly you two continuing to talk about anything and everything.

You could tell aeri was going to be one of your best friends. A reminder of home, if anything.

the debut showcase went great, the song was a hit, everything was good.

you and aeri spoke before going to sleep every night— you’d even bought a book about japanese grammar, how to read, write and speak it. You tried your best, but aeri had a nice time correcting you. It was.. nice. You always loved to learn languages, and for some reason, having someone who spoke it already help you was.. a bit comforting, in a way.

you still prayed every night, and aeri would sometimes give you a look, but she never said anything.

everything was going great.

until the hate began

Every little thing you or your group did was criticized, nitpicked, blown out of proportion— and the stress was getting to you.

you had never handled stress very well. You didn’t have a reason to. There was really nothing for you to ever stress about— other than following god, of course, but that wasn’t stressful to you. You had no reason to be stressed about something like that! You were a good person, you hadn’t ever wanted to sin.

some of the comments were about your appearance. It started to chip away at you. The company was always happy when you lost weight, so why not just a little more? It’s not like it would kill you. you were three months into an eating disorder that you called a diet.

the second you got up, you’d pray as your sustenance, head to practice, do your schedules— the other girls would order lunch, you’d ask for a salad. No dressing, of course, you didn’t like the taste. then, as you’d all get to the dorm, again, if there was even an hour of free time, you’d head to the company gym. Sometimes, when you were just in a waiting room, or you couldn’t work out— you’d pace. Anything to keep moving, you just couldn’t sit still. It was taking over your mind.

you couldn’t even eat normally. Any food given to you on a variety show, any drink, anything— mentally, you were counting. You liked to be in the negatives, you liked to skip meals, anything to be better. This was for yourself, so people couldn’t comment on you. You started to come up with even more elaborate ways to prove you were okay, to be better, you practiced more, you stayed late, you slept in the practice room, at times. You begged the vocal coaches to tell you whether or not you were actually good, and as much as they said you were, you just couldn’t believe them.

it was starting to destroy you.

“y/n?” Aeri called, as you prayed right before bed. She stood by the open room door, looking at you with a concerned expression. Why would she be concerned?

“Yes?” You answered, setting down the rosary, putting it back around the statue of Mary that watched over you so carefully. Sometimes, you wondered if you’d made her proud. Maybe if you said the suffering was in the name of god, he’d forgive you. He’d forgive you for the things you had thought and done and wanted to do. He’d forgive you. You could punish yourself, already. You could pray for him to fix you quickly, maybe you could give up eating for lent entirely—

“You.. haven’t been sleeping here, lately. We haven’t gotten.. to talk,” aeri began, sitting down next to you, looking down at you from where she had sat on your bed, right next to where you knelt.

you had completely forgotten your promise. It had just slipped your mind, you never really were awake enough for it, lately, and—

“Are you okay? You’re kind of.. pale, and you have dark circles, and-“

“Oh, I’m fine,” you smiled, quickly. “It’s just.. lent,” you lied, quickly. “All catholics fast and give something up for lent, don’t worry,” you assured, waving a hand dismissively. While it was true, it didn’t call for someone to starve themselves. You were lying. That’s a sin. But it’s just a white lie, so they won’t worry, right? It’s okay, you told yourself.

“We’re worried about you,” aeri frowned, putting a hand on your shoulder, the weight making you go from a kneeling position to sitting with your legs crossed. “I’m worried about you,”

god damn aeri, and her kind personality, and her need to care for others, and she was just so good- she was such a good person, and here you were, about to ruin her, damn her to hell. You were a horrible, filthy, disgusting person. For some reason, your eyes grew hot, but you couldn’t cry. You simply stared at her, with wide eyes, like seeing god’s light, it blinded you. You wished she didn’t care about you. You wouldn’t blame her. Vaguely, you remembered the first commandment.

the first commandment. Exodus 20:1 I am the Lord your God. You shall not have other gods beside me. You shall not make for yourself an idol or a likeness of anything in the heavens above or on the earth below or in the waters beneath the earth; you shall not bow down before them or serve them. For I, the Lord, your God, am a jealous God

“Aeri, I-” your voice cracked, and you were so determined not to cry, but you could feel your resolve breaking, because you were weak, you were weak to your vices and weak to aeri, you were so pathetic. The older girl let out a small sigh, sinking down onto the floor next to you, taking you into her arms. She was silent, for a bit, while you choked out words that were mostly incomprehensible. She ran a hand through your hair, and was a bit unsettled to feel how cold you were to the touch, but she pointedly ignored it.

“Y/n, you can’t let the words of those people get to you.. they won’t do you any good, and.. I know that’s hypocritical of me, I’m learning to ignore it too, but.. you can’t let it kill you like this,” she continued, voice soft. It made you sick how much you liked her comforting you. What would she do if she knew that you were so disgusting. You wanted aeri, you realized as you held her shirt, with some sense of finality hitting you. You didn’t want her to leave. You wanted her to hold you, and she wasn’t even aware of what you felt towards her. You were taking advantage of her. You were so disgusting.

“I’m sorry,” you croaked out, voice a little choked as you bit the inside of your cheek, trying not to cry. “I’m so sorry,” “It’s okay,” she said, a little confused on why you were apologizing, look of worry on her face. Not that you could see it. You had your head in the crook of her neck.

that’s why you were apologizing, really.

you were sorry that you loved her. You were sorry she wanted to help you. You she couldn’t fix you, no one could. you were defective, and wrong, and oh so selfish. Aeri was such a good person.

the presence of the statue on your nightstand caught your eye from the corner. You turned away. She shouldn’t have to see this.

you could feel the tears stinging at your eyes, the shame, the guilt, the hate— it was all too much. You needed to push aeri away, to get as far away from her as possible, to save what little integrity and goodness you had left—

but you didn’t.

you clutched her shirt tighter, breathed her in desperately, and let out a choked sound. You wanted to cry, but you screwed your eyes shut and bit your lip. The blood was heavy and sharp in your mouth.

You woke up the next day beyond exhausted, but in your bed and off the floor. You surmised that aeri had put you there. You held your head, and got down on your knees in front of your bed. You prayed.

“Mary, mother of God, please guide me away from sin, as you have for so many others. Help me to continue being steadfast in my faith, and to follow all commandments well. Allow me to be worthy of your son, and continue to protect me from sin. These thoughts have been given to me by the devil, as a challenge of my faith. Guide me out of temptation, and forgive my actions, in the Lord’s name, I ask for this mercy,”

you stood up. Your knees ached. Aeri was up, sitting cross legged on her bed, watching you with a concerned expression. “Why are you praying to Mary?” aeri asked, voice light but expression still a bit worried, if not a tad curious.

“Catholics pray to saints as well. Especially depending on their patronage— I mean, if I lose something, I usually pray to Saint Anthony,” you chuckled, explaining the concept.

“What’s Mary the patron Saint of?” aeri asked, softly, curiously.

“Many different things, depending on which version of her you choose to pray to. Our Lady of Lourdes is Mary, but when she appeared in Lourdes. She’s the patron saint of the sick. There’s Our Lady of Loreto, the patron Saint of pilots,”

“Which one do you have, then?”

“Our Lady of Sorrows,” you murmured, glancing towards the figure on your nightstand. The rosary was draped around her carefully. Her downcast, frowning face, her hands clasped together, the feeling of her porcelain eyes boring into your back nearly burned.

“What’s she the patron Saint of?”

“Sinners,”

the second commandment. Exodus 20:1-7 You shall not invoke the name of the Lord, your God, in vain. For the Lord will not leave unpunished anyone who invokes his name in vain.

practice that day went on for a long while. You were all practicing for next level. At one point, you took a small break, drinking water— your heart had been beating quite fast, that day, and your throat had been dry the entire practice.

during the beat change, it was nearly impossible for you to keep your eyes off aeri- or should you start calling her giselle, now? maybe it would be best to separate the two.

you shouldn’t be looking at aeri like that— but giselle was an idol. giselle was not your friend— she was someone untouchable, unattainable. It was okay to like her, to find her pretty, to want- no, no. You didn’t. You just envied her appearance, was all.

Your eyes were glued to her, the way she moved, her expression, everything, it was-

“Oh my God,” you mumbled, eyes locked onto her movements, before you heard the instructor call for you to get up and were immediately snapped out of your haze. You didn’t even remember the event before you went to sleep.

the third commandment. Exodus 20:1-11 Remember the sabbath day—keep it holy. Six days you may labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is a sabbath of the Lord your God. You shall not do any work. For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea and all that is in them; but on the seventh day he rested. That is why the Lord has blessed the sabbath day and made it holy.

It was Sunday. It was always a toss-up whether or not you’d have a schedule that day, and today you did not. You watched the six a.m. mass, while aeri slept a few feet away. You knelt when they knelt, stood when they stood, prayed when they prayed.

but you did not sing, no. That would wake aeri.

the girls usually used their rest days to sleep. You always woke up early. You were restless. You hated to sleep. In your dreams you’d see images of a life you could never live, of things you shouldn’t— couldn’t— do. You’d see aeri. No, not aeri— giselle. Aeri didn’t look your way on the stage, hold your gaze for a moment too long, send a wink. The company didn’t order aeri to hold you closer, smile at you more, intertwine your hands.

aeri would never look at you that way.

but giselle would.

you went to the practice room after you prayed. You rehearsed until you felt the world spin, your skin too hot- until you forgot about aeri, and giselle, and the figurine on your nightstand, and the pastor’s homilies, and the way your parents would never love you the same because of what you had done. You danced until your vision became blurry, so you couldn’t see your hands, so whatever or whoever you touched wasn’t your fault, so you couldn’t see their face. More likely, so you couldn’t see yourself, and the body you lived in. You danced until your ears rang, so you wouldn’t have to listen to the sounds, to how your members pleaded with you to stop doing this to yourself. Till you couldn’t hear the people telling you it wasn’t enough.

till you couldn’t hear yourself telling you it wasn’t enough.

till you couldn’t hear your parents words resounding in your head, the endless comments of it being unnatural, of being sent straight to the hellfire, to how it was the most hideous thing in the world.

till you didn’t hear the way fans leered after you, and your members— the stares they’d give you, as you walked, the way they’d clamber for you, so many hands reaching, reaching for you, to touch, to take. it ate you up inside, how badly you wanted to be pure. and how you knew, through it all, you never could be. they could imagine you any way, salivate, draw, take, write it in comments. They even had the confidence to say it out loud, passing comments on variety shows.

you danced till you could forget their words, their looks, what you knew so well that they thought, you danced till you thought your body would give out—

or, conversely, till the leader and main vocalist of red velvet opened the practice room door and rushed over to the the shaking body of their junior, nearly unable to breath, head in her hands and knees to her chest in the farthest corner of the room, brightly illuminated.

you wanted to assure them you were fine, but the cross chain you wore was too tight on your neck, the silver feeling like hot iron burning your throat. You swore if you looked down it would be burning into your skin, leaving a brand.

each breath felt like swallowing glass, and your eyes were unfocused, and your ears were ringing, and your body was screaming in protest of each movement, and your eyesight was blurring—

but you got up, bowed, apologized, assured them you were okay, thanked them, and left.

you had been lying a lot, lately. To your members, about how you were— to your managers, your staff, to your seniors, now. Lying was a sin. but you could excuse it, couldn’t you?

you hoped they wouldn’t mention it to your members.

the fourth commandment. Exodus 20:1-12 Honor your father and your mother, that you may have a long life in the land the Lord your God is giving you.

you rarely talked to your parents. You should call them, more. Or, more accurately, you should pick up their calls, more. Except, it was maddening. You hated talking to them. No matter how much you tried to convince yourself you didn’t, that they were your parents, and what they said was gospel, you couldn’t stand it. Their prying questions, asking how being an idol was, if you kept up with your faith, asking why the media would report on how “close” you were with your members— with Aeri. Asking why you had gotten so thin, and that you needed to gain weight. They would pick and pry at every little thing. You couldn’t stand it, you couldn’t-

the phone rang. Again. You picked up.

“Finally, you answer the phone, y/n,” the voice of your mother crackled, thousands of miles away.

“I’m sorry,” you respond, robotically, like a reflex. “I was in practice. We’re busy, since we’re preparing for a comeback,”

“You always have some excuse for us, don’t you? You can’t just talk to your parents? What a daughter, you are. We’re your parents, y/n, you should actually listen to us, more. I told you being an idol wouldn’t be good for you, and look at you now! Barely any respect for your parents, how horrible is that? I can’t believe you,” she ranted, going on and on about this and that and every failure and everything you should’ve done better.

“This is why I didn’t want you going away, I knew what it’d do to you.. we tried to fix you, but you are a sick, sick little girl,” she spat, accusingly. “You know what you did, you know what you did to this family— that I have to live with a daughter who’s-”

click.

You hung up.

her voice was so grating.

Your mother loved to spout silly little ideas, didn’t she? She was wrong. You didn’t do anything. You weren’t gay. You didn’t like girls, or a girl. They had just been confused. The reason you became an idol was because you loved to perform, not because it was your only way out— after they saw you with her. It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t kiss her. You didn’t, you’d never-

the truth was that you had left your hometown because of an incident. Yes, you loved to perform, and being an idol was always on your mind. But you never thought you’d do it, how could you leave?

You soon found out what it was like to live outcasted, alone, treated like something wrong and filthy and horrible. Your parents didn’t help. So, you did what anyone would do— you ran away, off to Korea, off to the harsh idol system

because anything

anything

would be better than living with the guilt and shame, with the knowing eyes and hateful stares. anything would be better than being stuck in that suffocating smalll town, where everyone knew everyone, and all your secrets were magnified.

she had moved away, anyway. Her parents protected her. you protected yourself. You had to run.

so you did.

you had to kill that part of yourself, bury her more than six feet deep, deep enough so that the world would never find her.

You died the day your parents opened your bedroom door and found you with the daughter of a deacon, who helped at the church, who your parents had invited over for dinner, who they had been invited by for dinner. When they found you with the daughter of their friends.

they didn’t know whether to say if she corrupted you or you corrupted her.

they chose the latter, of course, they got to it first. They drove them out of town, blaming that girl for your transgressions. For your sin.

she kissed you, after all.

you just sat there and took it.

it wasn’t your fault, they said to the town. It was hers. You’re just too trusting and naïve.

if only they knew, the rest of the people. Your parents certainly did.

they forbid you from having any friends that were girls over, again.

and you understood. You knew. And you took it.

You killed that part of yourself, that day. Buried her, and tried to forget. But there’s dirt and blood on your hands and you’re still hollow. There’s nothing left of you, from before. Bright smiles and eyes, a cheery demeanor, giggling in secret with her- there’s none of that left.

You’re not a little kid anymore, a teenager with a crush, no.

You grew up. You had to.

and that little girl is dead.

dead and buried, underground.

you wished Aeri knew you when you were younger.

she would’ve loved the softer you.

the fifth commandment. Exodus 20:1-13 You shall not kill.

You know, there’s a reason priests and nuns can’t get married.

it’s because, allegedly, they’re married to god.

so, in that case, is it wrong for you, married to god since birth, by your parents— that anything, anyone other than a boy, was wrong?

you tried to understand, but you couldn’t. What was the consensus?

you knew, deep down. What you were was wrong.

and yet, you couldn’t stop. You tried. But you were weak, at heart. A sinner, with no control.

that was your downfall, you thought.

or maybe salvation.

You and Aeri were the last two in the practice room— you were near obsessive with your need to perfect choreography, and Aeri asked you for help, so— you were here. You had already released Next Level, but the practicing never stopped, obviously. You had to perfect it, make it yours, make it the best— so that’s where you were, right now.

it was late, honestly. Already dark out, and your other three members had long since left. You regretted saying yes to Aeri— you knew the choreography for next level, obviously, you knew the way Giselle moved made you feel something wrong, something dark and wanting. You tried to push it down, though— you ran through the moves together, you fixed some posturing and some other small timing issues, really, it was nothing major. You watched her run through those parts, and clenched your jaw.

you felt hot, and your hands itched to reach out and touch her. You couldn’t be making this up, could you? She was looking at you through the mirror, your flushed face barely visible from the darker corner you were sitting at. You swore you could see a smirk on Giselle’s face, for a split second, a mischievous twinkle in her eye.

you hated it, hated how Giselle made you feel out of control, made you feel wanting, made that dark thing in you, shoved deep down, squirm and claw. You felt sick. You wanted her.

“I’ll be back,” you said, abruptly standing up and turning the door of the practice room, practically scrambling out. “Bathroom,” was what you supplied as reasoning, before you got out the door, rushing through the empty halls. They were weirdly eerie, at night.

you walked into the bathroom, the sound of your shoes clicking on the ground far too loud, the yellowed glow of the SM building’s bathrooms surrounding you. You gripped the sink, turning on the water and splashing some on your face. You felt dirty, and wrong. Your skin crawled in the suffocating space, the sound of running water driving you insane, the sound of your breathing almost too much. It seems you were in there for longer than you thought, though, as you stated into the mirror, lost in thought, knuckles turning white with the bruising grip you kept on the sink counter.

“Y/n?” Aeri called, opening the door.

You snapped your head to her— she was wearing just some white tanktop and sweatpants, with a black sports bra, but god.

Giselle walked over to you, with a concerned expression. “Are you okay? You’re breathing pretty hard,” she asked, walking closer, putting a hand on your hip, other hand touching your arm.

your composure snapped. You moved your hands to her face, holding it in them, looking at her with wide eyes. “Giselle, I-”

“Why are you calling me Giselle? That’s my stage name, y/n, just call me Aeri?” she said, a little confused and a little irritated. Why the hell were you calling her by her stage name?

you held her face a little tighter, taking in a sharp breath, mouth suddenly feeling dry.

“Aeri,” you murmured, voice low. You leaned in, and her eyes widened, slightly. She didn’t push you away, in fact, she met you in the middle, holding you tighter, moving her other hand to your waist, squeezing your hip, where she could feel the outline of your hipbone. You hated how much you needed her, the kiss messy and desperate, filled with an underlying sense of want and need.

“G- Aeri,” you mumbled, out of breath, panting against her mouth. You couldn’t reconcile the two, easily. Giselle was the one who was making you do this, right? Not Aeri, you didn’t like Aeri, right?

no, that wasn’t true. You liked Aeri. A lot more than you’d admit. You wanted her. You needed her. You couldn’t stop, now.

“Aeri, please-” you murmured, between kisses. They were more desperate, now, wanting, as she pushed you against the cold bathroom wall, the light flickering once. Twice. Three times.

“Yeah? What do you want?” She asked, lowly, eyes dark and pupils blown wide as she looked down at you.

“Lock the door,” you muttered, grabbing her wrist, tightly, and moving her hand upwards.

the sixth commandment. Exodus 20:1-14 You shall not commit adultery.

you and aeri never spoke about it.

but it became a thing, now.

you needed her like a drug, constantly wanting and waiting for the next time you could have her.

you and giselle shared a room, after all. you were pretty sure everyone knew. and by everyone you meant your members, of course. the public could never know, they’d ruin both your career and hers, and you couldn’t do that to her. you weren’t evil, just weak. just horrible, but not evil. you could never hurt her. you loved her, didn’t you? the way a friend doesn’t hurt a friend.

deep down, you knew. It was so much worse than that.

they couldn’t know the way you put concealer on, before practice. the way you were strangely hot and cold, terrified of her touch, but how the both of you would disappear into your room, or somewhere, together, always appearing back, more than a few minutes later, though the tension was always still there.

the way you had become a shell.

you were ashamed, really.

you felt so disgusting, all the time. here you were, dirty, filthy, robbing someone else, sullying them, damning her, all for your own selfish needs, desires, wants.

you had always wanted, too much.

giselle was your temptation and aeri was the sin, the collateral to the damage.

it’s not like she protested, either, the way giselle’s hands lingered, a beat too longer to be friendly. the way her fists would clench on those stupid variety shows, when the hosts mentioned your appearance, saying you were so pretty.

she hated how they’d look at you.

but you couldn’t see that, really.

you hated yourself, and you had stolen aeri’s sanctity.

it was giselle’s fault, though, you would think, sometimes.

but deep down, you knew the truth.

it was your doing. Your fault. You ruined everything you touched, everything you wanted would die and burn because you were a sinner. All because you couldn’t control yourself.

eve ate the apple, too, you’d think. but maybe, the snake wasn’t just the creature, no, but the whispers of lilith, beckoning her away, promising her everything she’d wanted. forbidden knowledge, godhood, becoming better— and maybe, even herself.

was biting the apple an act of naivety, of greed?

or the blind, blissful ignorance of trust? of love?

someone you loved wouldn’t damn you, would they?

but oh, you knew better. You knew.

you had stolen both of your chances of sanctity and holiness.

out of blind, ignorant, nearly all encompassing love.

it was love.

the seventh commandment. Exodus 20:1-15 You shall not steal.

The weeks went by, in this strange commitment.

you had just arrived back from yet another variety show, and Giselle was obviously annoyed at something. It was late, and everyone wanted to sleep. You made your way back to your room, the door open a crack—

giselle was changing into some sleep clothes. You didn’t really care which. the glimpse of her back, of skin, made you nearly feel ill. You shut the door, quickly, feeling like you couldn’t breathe. It made you feel sick.

you entered about a minute later, to see her scrolling on her phone, with a bored expression. You, instead, went and knelt in front of the small Mary statue you kept.

“Mary, mother of God, please hear my prayer. I’m asking you to give me the strength to-”

your breath hitched as you felt giselle put her hands on your shoulders, leaning into your back, feeling her smirk press against your neck.

“y/n,” she called, a mischievous lilt to her voice like this was a fucking game.

“y-yes?” was the reply.

Her hands moved, pressing along your collarbone.

“You know, I hate variety shows, sometimes,” she hummed, voice so unbelievably distracting. “I don’t like the way they talk about you,” she continued.

“I- I agree, I do, it’s quite-”

her blunt nails dug into your shoulder, slightly, as she pulled you back, just a bit, your back pressed to her front. Her head craned forward, to murmur into your ear. “It pisses me off,” she added.

of course, you tended to her anger. You had to, as penance.

later, when you were laying beside her, panting with tears in your eyes, saying anything that came to mind—

“I love you,” you choked out, reverently, like a prayer.

god never responded to those, usually. aeri didn’t love you back.

there’s no way god loved you. and aeri didn’t, either.

the eighth commandment Exodus 20:1-16 You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.

“Tell me not to,” you begged, clutching onto giselle like a lifeline, holding her arms. “Tell me no, tell me not to love you. I can’t, I shouldn’t, I don’t want-”

girls never hungered. They never want, like a boy.

“And what if it’s what I want!” She spat back, acidly, pushing you off. “I love you, and I don’t know why you can’t accept that! I love you, not like a friend, or coworker, or whatever else you think! I’m in love with you, why can’t you get that!?” she asked, sharply, voice far too loud.

you didn’t know how to explain that you loved her, too, that you wished you could love her. You always wanted, so badly, to like a boy, and to love him, so you could hold his hand in public, and kiss him, and introduce him to your parents and they wouldn’t say a word, to be able to love him without just that fact being controversial, to love someone without it absolutely ruining your career. Idols couldn’t date, yes, but they’d survive if they were rumored to be with a man.

god forbid it was a girl.

you couldn’t ruin her career, or yours. You couldn’t damn her more, you couldn’t ruin everything, like you always did-

“I can’t,” you cried, desperately. “I’ll ruin everything, I’ll ruin you, I’d-”

“I don’t care!” she retorted. “I don’t care! I want you, and I love you. Is it that you can’t, or you won’t? You’re just scared,” she accused, rightly so.

“I am,” you admitted, pathetically. “I’m scared.”

She scoffed, clenching her fists. She turned, sharply, turning the door handle, wiping her eyes and slamming the room’s door.

You were alone.

god abandoned you, long ago.

you don’t know why it hurt more the second time.

the ninth commandment Exodus 20:1-17 You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.

it was a few days later, at night after an off day. You had been hiding in your room most of the day. Cowardly, yes, but the other members weren’t exactly thrilled with you. You couldn’t blame them. You were currently pretending to be asleep.

you heard aeri enter the room. She laid down, to sleep. The lights were off. It was dead silent. You turned.

“aeri,” you called. No response.

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry,” you continued, after surmising she was asleep. “I love you. I really do. I’m just so, so scared. I don’t know how to let myself love you. I feel wrong. I’m sorry. I want to. I don’t know how to love you how you deserve, I don’t even know how to love myself. Im weak and pathetic, really. If you knew the real me, I think you’d hate me,” you chuckled, without humor. “As long as you’re happy, though. I’ll be okay,” you murmured, finally.

“Im not happy, actually,” she informed, suddenly, and you felt your heart leap into your throat. “I love you, y/n. I don’t care if it’ll make everything more difficult, or if you think I’ll hate you. I won’t, by the way,”

you didn’t know how to respond. aeri did it, for you.

she got up, walked over to your bed, and made you sit up.

“so can you stop being scared? I love you, and-“

you cut her off.

you clutched her face, and kissed her, desperately. You felt tears well in your eyes, and this time, they fell. You pulled back.

“aeri, I love you, I love you so much. I love you, please forgive me. I’ll try, I swear. Please, just-”

she kissed you, again. nothing was completely fixed, yet, but you both loved each other. You were still scared, of course, but aeri had seen you at your worst, already, and was still here. so maybe, it was okay.

the tenth commandment. Genesis 1:1-Revelation 22:21 Love thy neighbor as I have loved you.

The last few weeks had been.. different.

You had started eating again, or, more frequently, was a better way to put it.

it was mostly because aeri had taken up cooking, and you could never say no to her, and it was kind of nice, really, to see her happy when you told her you liked the food.

you started to ignore the comments online, not even bothering to read them most of the time. You called your parents less, if that was even possible, and started talking with aeri and your members more.

it was nice, to have friends. To have people that you knew cared about you. It was nice to know that people didn’t view you as disgusting, or filthy, or wrong.

you had a hard time viewing yourself, differently, but if someone like aeri, someone so good, could stand you, then maybe, you weren’t as bad as your parents said you were. They were wrong about a lot, you’d come to learn.

on one of your breaks, you had found another statue.

it was of Saint Maria.

you put it next to the statue of Our Lady. You thought it fit, in a way.

you didn’t attend sunday mass, or hear it. You didn’t pray much, anymore, either. but you kept the statues as a reminder, of sorts.

aespa had been doing very well, as well, and you didn’t practice late into the night, as much, anymore.

all of you were currently deciding what takeout to order, and trying to pick a move. no one could really come to a final decision, and you watched the bickering amusedly. You got up, heading to the kitchen, filling a glass with water. Aeri appeared behind you, a sly smile on her face as she wrapped her arms around your waist. “Hey, y/n,” she hummed.

“Yeah?” you replied, turning your head. she had a smirk on her face.

“I got you somethinggg,” she grinned, tilting her head, a mischievous expression on her face, her hands clasped behind her back.

“what is it?”

she handed you a gold necklace, with rose quartz in the shape of a heart at the end, a bashful expression beginning to take place at your silence. “I didn’t know if you would like it, but it reminded me of you, so-”

“It’s perfect,” you interrupted, a genuine smile on your face. “Can you put it on for me?”

aeri removed the silver cross necklace you had worn for years, and years, placing it on the counter. She clasped the new necklace, the gold sitting pleasantly on your skin.

you turned to her, holding her face before kissing her, smiling into it. You left the chain on the counter, a smile plastered near permanently your face. “It’s beautiful, aeri, thank you,”

“Of course,” she replied, with a very self-satisfied grin on her face.

“I love you,” you added, wrapping your arms around her waist.

“I love you too, you sap,” she rolled her eyes, good naturedly, but still held you, too. “Come on, let’s go back— i’m not letting them watch a disney movie for the millionth time,”

“So what, you can watch Deadpool?” You teased, with a grin.

“Maybe,” she replied.

it was definitely certain, now, with the silver chain thrown in the garbage, easily.

you loved aeri uchinaga

and you hoped, prayed, even, that the rest of your life would be filled by aeri uchinaga.

A/N: hi guys… so I love aeri uchinaga btw. uhmm so basically the catholic version of the Ten Commandments the ninth commandment is separated into nine “don’t covet your neighbors wife” and ten “don’t covet your neighbors goods” but technically all Ten Commandments can be followed by following the one big rule which is “love thy neighbor as I have loved you” and basically symbolism forever eve breaks all nine commandments but follows the one big one which is like love everyone which means she never actually sinned she just thought she did because she is doomed yuri ☝️🤓

I LOVE TOXIC YURI AND DOOMED YURI FOREVERR pleek send asks+reqs btw I need ideas

#carps works #carpmasterlist #aespa x reader #aespa x fem reader #giselle x reader #aeri uchinaga x reader #aeri x reader #aespa giselle #aespa imagines #girl group imagines #giselle x fem reader #aeri uchinaga x fem reader #reader is the comphet religious guilt posterchild #aeri is lowk a little toxic and plays into it #reader is eve aeri is apple and giselle is the snake #in readers insane mind..#just 7k of projection #i love yuri

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vomitingstars · 9 months ago

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It's a Sleepover Baby! Pt.2

FunShine Jill x Fem!Reader

Contains: cupcakes, guilt, manipulation, bitch you know why you're here, fem reader, sapphic relationship, toxic yuri

Cupcake decoration and gossip time is a blast. Jill crafts her cupcake into a decent Love-A-Lot Bear and with a lot of luck you somehow managed to recreate a Finn cake. Jill coos and awes at your creation despite not knowing what it is. A little too much in fact. You were starting to feel babied or maybe a little patronized in a way. Jill's praises felt excessive sometimes. Like a mom giving an exaggerated "Good Job!"" in exchange for their toddler's unidentifiable scribbles.

Your very tall gal pal breaks you out of the confines of your thoughts and takes a dab of pink icing on her finger then boops you on the nose with it. You cock an eyebrow in her direction, challenging the action with a confused smile and looking for an explanation.

"Gee, sunshine. I didn't realize you were my number one fan~" She jokes with a teasing smirk while looking you up and down with interest. You assume she must be admiring your sleep attire. It's a very nice set. You then realize what she meant as you caught your reflection on the microwave. The pink spot of icing on your nose resembled her face paint.

It was almost as if Jill could read your mind. You looked to see her perk up with an idea. She dipped a yellow glove into more pink icing and continued to paint your face. It was as if she were marking you in a way and you weren't quite sure how to feel about it. Being this close, you felt tempted to stare at her and take in all of her lovely features. Yet, you kept your eyes on everything but your ghostly girlie. She's so pretty it just isn't fair. Everything about her is mesmerizing and it twists your stomach uncomfortably. The sweet scent of icing floods your nostrils as you were hit with inspiration.

Dipping your fingers into a bowl of red icing, you began to write on her face as well. Let's just say your doodles and writings weren't exactly the cutesy doodles Jill had been hoping for. She chuckles lowly.

"You're such a goober. I think it's time we book it to the next activity." Oh no, it feels weird. Has the mood been ruined? She's still smiling but it feels a bit intense. Why did you do that? Why do you feel like this? Jill grabs you by the waist and lifts you up onto the kitchen counter effortlessly. Even with this boost in height, Jill still towers over you. Looking down into your eyes thoughtfully as if calculating her next actions. She's so close. She's always close. Her body was slotted in between your thighs, and they were spread wide to accommodate her. This feels so intimate. So familiar.

"Jill, are you mad at me? I didn't mean to-" Jill leans in close. Your lips almost touching as she interrupts.

"I could never be mad at you. You were just joking around." A flood of relief washes over you. And yet, you found it hard to meet her gaze for a moment.

"Right. I don't know what came over me. I'm sorry." And you meant it too. You don't know what happened. Maybe you wanted to take Jill down a peg. Maybe you were a bit jealous of her confidence, her beauty, strength. Jill pulls you out of your thoughts with a gentle hand lifting your chin upwards to look at her.

"It's okay Sunspot. I know you didn't mean it. I think you just wanted my attention. And you will always have it. All I want is to make you happy. To make you feel good. You want to feel good right? Don't you think you deserve to?" You weren't quite sure how to answer but you nodded yes. Her voice was soft and so comforting. Feeling the sudden urge to lean into her more, you attempted to suppress it. Jill seemed to notice and smiled sweetly as she carried you off to the couch.

"Truth or dare?" She asks calmly. You answered truth and Jill pauses for a moment. Thinking of her question as she crosses her longer legs to make room for yours. You faced each other in the dim room, lit up with color changing fairy lights.

"Who do you love most?" Jill asks casually as if she didn't ask the most invasive question known to man. She flutters her eyelashes at you expectantly.

"Jill, that's so intense! Especially for the first round." You avoided the question hoping she would move on.

"Do you love me?" Jill asks suddenly as if she had been holding onto that question for ages just dying to let it out. She somehow looked eager and smug all at the same time.

"Love is such an intense emotion. I think maybe I need to choose dare." Her smile only seems to falter for half a second until shifting into something a bit mischievous.

"Alright. Then I dare you to clean me up. And you can only use your tongue!" Is she serious? Her face was still covered in icing and maybe this embarrassing task would be easier than admitting how you feel. Or at least how you think you feel.

You leaned forward and stuck out your tongue for an experimental lick. She lets out a shaky exhale. "I didn't think you'd actually do it. Go on. If you're going to do something, you should do it right." Her large hands pulled your body closer and kept you steady as your tongue explored the surface of her face. Sweet icing coats your tongue and you feel extremely silly. You can't help but burst out into a fit of laughter mid lick, and failing to stifle your giggles when you finish.

Jill suddenly grabs your face and pulls you in roughly to connect your lips together. Your brain short circuits from a slurry of intense emotions. Her mouth is warm and wet and sweet. Her lips are impossibly soft and slick with gloss. Her hand cradles your face gently, keeping you close. You couldn't pull away if you wanted to. Jill remembers you need to breathe and pulls back waiting for your reaction. Pleasantly surprised when you lean back in for more.

#funshine jill x reader #funshine jill x fem reader #disaster yuri #i lowkey hate this tbh but whatever #i dont proofread my shit #already working on part 3

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not-normal-about-shigaraki · 1 year ago

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Thinking about stone top fem!Tomura fingering you with her big, long fingers. Grinning at you, half manic, from between your legs, drooling and spitting at your pussy, sucking marks into your soft thighs. Laughing darkly at your little cries and shiny eyes, calling you a pathetic little slut. Slapping your hands away with an amused but sharp "don't fucking touch me" when you try to grab onto any part of her body from pure overstimulation.

#(⁠〒⁠﹏⁠〒⁠)#male works too #i just... i want dom fem Tomura #i want every Tomura to kick me in the face #fem shigaraki tomura #lesbians #shigaraki tomura #bnha shigaraki #mha shigaraki #my hero academia #my writing #shigaraki tomura smut #shigaraki tomura x you #shigaraki tomura x reader #yuri

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michirukaioureincarnate · 6 months ago

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Bike Ride on the Sea Side

Haruka Tenoh x Reader Oneshot - cont. in Body Pillow (smut)

Fandom: Sailor Moon Pairing: Haruka Tenoh x reader | Sailor Uranus x reader Genre(s): Fluff 𖹭𖹭𖹭𖹭𖹭 | NSFW 𖹭𖹭 | Angst 𖹭 Theme(s): secure x avoidant | confession | first kiss Warning(s): Swearing Summary: You were under the impression that Haruka enjoyed your company and liked you over the past two dates. The constant texting after you unexpected meet-cute really made you believe things could go somewhere with them. But the two-week dry spell between you two had you believing otherwise. It's a shame because you really, really liked them. Reading Stats: 5000 words | 20 min read Disclaimer: All characters are consenting adults | Aged 21+

─────────────⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──────────── A/n: okay the genre and theme is so ??? but GIVE ME A FUMKIN MINUTE I'm trynna make this idea work please fkjahjfskh it's been on my mind for a while now also kinda coping with the drama an avoidant ex-situationship put me in and now she's coming back wanting a shot with me again even though SHE HAS A MONOGAMOUS GF Y'ALL I- 👁️👄👁️ ─────────────⋆⋅☆⋅⋆────────────

⋅ ⛢ ⋅

It's not like you were sitting around waiting for Haruka to text you. You weren't one to chase anyone or anything if reasonable efforts did not yield expected results. One could say you were too logical and unromantic.

"It's about the chase, Y/N!" your best friend insisted. "How is Haruka supposed to know you like them at all?"

You narrowed your eyes at her. "You know me, okay? I'm literally a shameless and open book." A small huff followed as you glared at your phone on the coffee table. "Besides...I asked them last week if everything was okay. They brushed me off, so why bother?"

"Show it to me," she demanded as she crossed her legs on the couch. She held her hand out and gestured for the phone, and you complied. Peering over her shoulder, you watched her read.

Y/N: Hey, it's been a while since we last talked properly. There's no pressure to reply, I'm just checking in to see if you're alright. Been thinking about you. Just let me know if you need space or anything, yeah? I'm not really sure about what to think or feel right now. 8:51 PM

Haruka: Thanks for checking in :) I'm fine, just caught up with work. Text you soon. 8:53 PM

Y/N: Sure thing! 9:00 PM

"They replied fast," she says curiously.

"A week ago."

She grins at you mischievously. "And does that bother the sensible and unromantic Y/N?"

"Pfft," you scoff. "No, I just don't like false expectations. If they don't wanna text me, they should just say it."

"Yeah, well, no one's as brave as you are," she sighed. "This isn't the first time you've been potentially ghosted."

Hearing it out loud kind of stung. It always did, and it would pass in a few hours before. This time, though, it lingered.

You'd never liked anyone like this before.

Still, you couldn't just ignore the lack of open and consistent communication for the chemistry over two dinners. Even though you didn't entirely dismiss the texting, it was still platonic and surface-level compared to in-person hang outs. And now there were barely any texts to go on.

Snatching your phone back, you tossed it into the pillows on the adjacent armchair and grabbed the remote to open up Netflix on the flatscreen TV.

We don't know each other enough, you consoled yourself internally as your friend settled on a horror movie. They're just some random person you bumped into in a bar of all places. You wanted to meet your soulmate in a library.

No sooner had you thought it did another helpless musing begin to haunt you.

They're so fucking hot, though.

It wasn't just the way they looked, although those dark and brooding eyes would hold you captive with a mere glance any day. You'd been around plenty of attractive people in your life and been approach by some of them as well; but the way people looked never fazed you. Instead, it was their energy and aura that drew you in.

The way Haruka carried themselves was admirable. Was it the straight-back posture? The calculating eyes atop an easy-going smile? Or the sense of purpose that surrounded them with every step taken or every spoken word? Haruka always seemed so certain of things and never missed the opportunity to take action, and you liked that.

It would explain why it felt that they were withdrawing from you. Haruka wasn't acting like they were sure about you anymore. It sucked because, for once in your life, you were sure about someone.

In all your past relationships, you'd always entertained uncertainties and potential in hopes of it blossoming eventually. It was enough that you liked them. But this time, you really wanted to take your time and figure Haruka out regardless of attraction.

"Ugh," you muttered softly as the first jump scare snapped you out of the ruminating, and your best friend's deathly clutch upon your arm left no room for your attention to drift away.

⋅ ⛢ ⋅

You woke up to a loud knock from somewhere. The horror movie had long ended, and your best friend was draped over your lap with drool dripping onto your thigh from the corner of her mouth.

She really has no shame, you think endearingly while carefully sliding out from under her. You throw the blanket over her completely, almost about to tuck her in when another louder knock takes you by surprise.

"What the fuck," you muttered, straining your ear for to locate the source. It sounded way too close for comfort. Your 1 + 1 apartment was too small for an intruder to hide in, so the only logical source was the windows.

You didn't want to go near them. Even though you were on the third floor, you didn't underestimate a stalker's ability to scale the wall for something they'd want bad enough.

The sight of a small rock knocking off your window-pane confirmed your suspicions, and you grabbed your phone to call the police only to notice that it was dead.

With no choice but to face the situation head on, you mustered the courage to confront whoever was out there. You were mentally prepared to scream bloody murder with no regard for your neighbors if it meant driving away the culprit.

Marching over to the window, you looked down into the front yard of the apartment to find a hooded figure looking up.

Right. At. You.

You threw the window open, fully prepared to screech until a lock of fair hair caught the glint of the moonlight. Your heart skipped a beat, and you watched as the figure pushed the hood off their head.

A pair of warm eyes peered at you, and a nervous lopsided smile accompanied it. You hated the way your heart was practically melting at the sight.

"Hey," Haruka said gently, and the wind carried their tomboyishly deep voice up to you. "Been thinkin' about you."

"Haruka, what the fuck?!"

They grinned up at you in amusement. "You don't sound very happy to see me, sweetheart."

"It's nearly–" you looked around for the clock in your house that you rarely consulted, "five in the morning! Who throws rocks at someone's window at this hour?!"

"I tried calling, but you wouldn't pick up," they said apologetically. "My only choice was to come and see you."

You rubbed away the ache blooming under the bridge of your nose. "Couldn't this wait?"

Deep down, you were screaming with happiness. The fact that they came over just because they couldn't get a hold of you was so nonsensical that you would've told anyone off for it. But this was Haruka, and it was hard to contain the joy tugging at the corners of your lips.

They're so stupid, you sighed internally.

"I wouldn't have come all this way if it could," they said sincerely, putting their hands in the pockets of their red and white race car jacket as a chilly breeze brushed past. Their eyes shimmered up at you, reflecting the stars in the sky. There was a tinge of vulnerability to them that caught you off guard. "Could you come down? And, um...dress warm."

"If it's only for a minute then–"

"It's not," they cut in breathlessly. "Maybe thirty minutes."

You raised a suspicious brow at them before walking away to your wardrobe, changing into a pair of warm sweats before grabbing your keys. Slipping into your shoes, you quietly left the apartment and prayed your best friend wouldn't wake up to find you gone. You knew how worried she'd get otherwise.

Quickly making your way down, you jogged out of the building and found Haruka by the street, waiting on the pavement next to a sleek motorbike.

You stopped. On your second date, they picked you up in a sports car to drive to the restaurant and revealed their love for motorcycles on the way.

"Haruka..." you said quietly. "I thought you didn't share your bike with anyone."

"I know," they replied softly before holding their hand out to you. Though you wished they'd just spill what was going on, you took their hand and let them pull you closer.

Their touch was warm against the cold air of the night, your fingers encased in their palm as their thumbs ran over your knuckles almost affectionately. Heat rose to your neck under their intense gaze that searched your face for something. They guided you onto the back of the motorbike securely before getting on turning the key.

A slow hum ran through the vehicle, and Haruka got seated properly before glancing at you over their shoulder.

"Hold on tight, Y/N."

You could feel your face getting hotter, but you reached forward and clamped your hands on their shoulders. They chuckled, pulling on their gloves and revving the engine before suddenly taking off.

The abrupt jerk of the bike had you clamping your arms around their waist instantly, and you were very aware of how firm their back felt against your soft chest.

"Asshole!" you yelled over the wind, only to catch a light chuckle before Haruka sped up. You had no choice but to curl against her spine, holding onto her tightly as you two zipped under the lamp lights of the empty highway. The cold wind was in your hair, and your fingers were freezing in the fists they'd curled into under their diaphragm.

You felt their gloved hand on yours, prying them apart to guide one of them into her jacket's pocket, and then the other one as well. It was such a sweet gesture that you forgot to pretend to be annoyed at them. Their pockets were warm, and you gave into the pleasure of how they felt against your body when you wrapped yourself around them.

Slowly, you coaxed yourself to look up from their shoulder and take in the views. You weren't sure how far away you two were from the apartment, but you could see the vast ocean that opened to the right, disappearing into the horizon where the stars were beginning to disappear.

The sunrise... you realized breathlessly as Haruka drove on the highway along the edge of the beach. Your gaze was fixed on the sky slowly turning a lighter shade of blue. The stars' twinkling faded in anticipation of the first rays of the sun.

Against your chest, Haruka's warmth kept the wind's chill out of your bones. They smelled nice, although a little unconventional; smokey and spiced, like a blend of cinnamon, roses, and the faint linger of cigarettes. You'd never gotten this close to her before, although you had hoped that they'd finally kiss you when you two eventually had a third date.

Wait... you thought. Is this a date?

No, perhaps not. To you, dates should be communicated and planned and prepared for. You would never be found wearing sweats and without a touch of make-up on a date. You found yourself regretting not dabbing on a bit of concealer and mascara. Even some lip gloss would've sufficed.

The motorbike leaned to the right as Haruka took a turn into a road, and the barricades from the edge disappeared. The beach opened up to you directly, with its sand blowing onto the asphalt and the air sticky with salt. The tops of small and calm waves glimmered as an orange spot appeared on the horizon.

The sun was here.

Haruka parked the bike, and you finally straightened up and pulled your arms off them. The embarrassment of having to cling on like that finally registered, and you quickly got off the bike and faced the sea to avoid their gaze. Haruka climbed off and kicked its stand in place, leaning their hips against the gas tank as they crossed their ankles and arms.

Silence.

You wished they'd tell you why they brought you here, but you were a sucker for sunrises and sunsets. With eyes fixed on the horizon, the two of you quietly watched the colors slowly begin to change. The sky was much lighter now, and the curve of brilliant orange ascended behind a few fluffy clouds, turning their underside pink. The waters took on a beautiful deep hue of turquoise with the passing moments, a color you loved so deeply.

"The sunrise is even more beautiful when the sea's surface is there to reflect its light," Haruka hummed softly. "The sun's brilliant on its own, but I suppose it needs to see its reflection to be reminded of it."

Their words took you by surprise.

"Why would the sun need a reminder?" you asked casually. "It's the sun. It sustains everything."

Haruka shook their head. "It's too far away to see the impact of its existence. But the ocean is vast. It stretches out endlessly and can be seen from where the sun it."

It took you a minute to realize Haruka was trying to tell you something.

"And it's important, the ocean. Without it, the sun would've fried up everything on Earth. No one to witness any nice sunrises without it to make life possible, right?"

You were beginning to feel frustrated and swallowed your nervousness to turn their way. The horizon reflected in their deep blue eyes, pouring light into them like they were lanterns. A gust of wind pushed the stray fair locks off their forehead, and they glanced at you. You weren't sure if you were imagining their ears turning pink.

"Where were you the past two weeks?" you asked as nicely as you could, but the undertone of anxiety seeped in. "I thought you didn't want to see me."

Haruka exhaled sharply and dropped their hands to their pockets.

"I was trying not to see you. Well, not too much anyway. I..." they huffed conflictedly as they closed their eyes. "You know I've got a racing season coming up, right? And I was practicing really hard for it. Everyone kept giving me shit for being reckless or risky on the track or whatever, but that's just how I've always won. It's second nature to me, and I know how to win."

You kept quiet as they caught their breath to collect their thoughts.

"I guess it'll be different this time because I made it into a bigger racing series," they continued. "It came as a surprise to everyone, but my team told me that I'll be competing with racers who are in an entirely different league. If anything, they drive much like I do."

"Haruka, could you get injured?" you demanded gently as worry flooded you.

"I mean, maybe?" they replied nervously as they blinked at the horizon. "But every sport has that risk. That's not the point. The point is that the only way to win is to not be reckless, and that's a huge change in approach to manage overnight. I hate change, and I can't do it without some kind of a constant reminder over my head."

I knew it, you thought with a skip of a heartbeat. They were trying to tell me something.

Your heart raced in you chest as they straightened up.

"I crashed last week."

"WHAT?!" you snapped as you grabbed their arm. "Haruka, what the fuck?!"

"I'm fine, promise." They turned to you and placed a comforting hand over your fingers gripping the sleeve of their jacket. "It was barely anything and it's pretty normal but...I berated myself for it. That was a first. I usually just get up and dust myself off, but I caught myself thinking...how will I see Y/N if I got hurt really badly? How would she feel if she saw me crash like that?"

You were left speechless, and your heart was pounding so hard that it could break through your ribcage and fall into Haruka's hands. They came to stand before you, casting a shadow over your body that contained your attention entirely onto them.

"I ran another lap after that crash and realized that I was different," they continued. "I don't know what exactly changed, but it was like a different part of my brain opened up. I saw different ways, better ways, to conquer the tracks that I never really considered before. More possibilities to prepare for, to keep an eye out for, and...it just felt like you were sitting behind me. I couldn't afford to crash again and injure you, but I also wanted to win."

Their hand slid under your fingers to pull it off their arm, holding your hand securely. With their eyes boring into yours, you held their gaze through the butterflies and tremors racking your body. Their grasp is warm, with soft skin interrupted by the occassional calluses from gripping bike handles.

Your mouth was dry, but you still forced yourself to speak. "That doesn't explain why you avoided me."

"I was scared," they said immediately. "My entire life, I've always been so selfish and self-centered without ever realizing it until that crash. For once, you were my first thought right after. I didn't know what to make of it."

A trembling sigh left them as they reached out for your other hand to grip tightly, pulling them close to their chest clasped within their palms. And suddenly, you felt something in the air between your bodies, as if it had become charged. Your skin tingled, every cell of your being tugged forward by an invisible force with a yearning for the warmth that rolled of Haruka's body.

"I avoided you because I've never, ever wanted to run to someone so badly before," they muttered into the air between the two of you. "I wanted you behind me on that bike because your presence was so...so–gosh, I can't find the word."

Your voice was breathy when you spoke. "Palpable..."

They nodded in relief.

The sun rose behind them, peeking over the top of their head and setting their hair alight and giving them their own halo. You'd never seen a prettier sight until now, basking in the vulnerable glimmer of their irises despite the crack in the strong walls around their heart.

"You were my reminder, Y/N," they said quietly as their cheeks flushed like the underside of the clouds above. "You kept me from getting too heated. From burning up everything around me and crashing senselessly for the sake of victory. You...are my ocean, in which I see that what I do and who I am right now is enough no matter the outcome."

Your heart was going to give out from how fast it was beating, and you quickly blinked away the mist in your eyes. It was the sweetest and most passionate thing you'd ever heard from anyone. Ever.

"Whoa, Y/N, a-are you alright?" Haruka asked worriedly as they stepped in closer to you. "What's wrong?"

"N-nothing..." you exhaled sharply, releasing all the anxiety and anticipation that had built up over the week. "I just...wow, um–I don't know what to say..."

Their face fell a little as their grip on your hands loosened. "You don't have to say anything at all. I just...I hoped you felt just as intensely about me, but I know it's too soon and–"

"I was waiting for you," you interjected, embarrassed and a little angry at yourself for how pathetic you sounded. "I never wait for anyone, Haruka, but you...you had me walking around everywhere wondering if you just didn't like me anymore."

Their lips parted in surprise as they stared at you.

"I usually just move on the second I feel like someone doesn't want me," you sighed as you clutched their hands, relishing how nimble thier fingers were. "That's what it means to be a secure person, right? But I've also never liked anyone the way I've liked you."

Their awe slowly turned into a bashful lopsided grin. "Someone as sensible as you likes someone as reckless as me?"

"Next time you ignore me like that, I'd rather you be dead than ghosting me."

"Whoa, okay, um–" they snorted in amusement. "You know what? Yeah. I get it. I'd hate to be ghosted by someone like you too."

Why the fuck did I deflect like that? you scolded yourself. It sounded so needy.

"I'm not all that great, though," you muttered with eyes downcast. "I mean, I like myself plenty as I am, but you...you're a professional racer. Practically a celebrity. I've just got a little writing thing on the side that keeps me comfortable, but nothing major."

You held your breath as Haruka placed your palm over their heart. Their hand slid down the back of yours to your elbow and up to your shoulder with a soft grip, their knuckles trailing up your neck. Their touch carried with it the feathery blooms of pleasure that spread over your skin, and your heart stumbled when they gently held your chin to lift your face. Your skin buzzed with a vehement need to be closer to them, and your fingers clenched around the fabric of their shirt as you felt their heart speed up behind it.

"You've got a grounded personality, Y/N," they whispered with a tentative swipe of their thumb under your lip, and their face felt so much closer than before. "Passionate and self-reliant without needing anyone's approval for it. If anything, I'd love for you to make it big in your career, but you seem perfectly content and grateful with what you have, and I admire it."

They searched your eyes so deeply that you're left stumbling over your tongue. "I–I, um, well, I have more than enough to get by so...you know, I don't–um–"

"Y/N."

"Y–yes?"

They paused, looking down your face until you felt your lips tingle.

"I wish I could tell you how much I missed you," they murmured with a hint of something akin to need.

Desire. Maybe some restraint. It was in the way their palm cupped your jaw as their thumb stroked your cheek, eyes still on your mouth as they let out a soft, shuddering exhale.

You were barely breathing.

"I missed everything about you," they continued huskily, their eyelids growing heavy with a flutter of their lashes as their gaze darkened. "And I'll be such a goner if I give into how much I like you, because there will be so much more to miss whenever I'm away. But I need you to like me back just as much because this is scary."

Their other hand was still wrapped in yours at their sternum, and you guided it forward to your chest right over your heart. Pressing their palm over it, you shuddered at the warmth that seeped through your shirt and over your skin.

Your heart was practically bursting at the seams, and you looked at them from under your lashes defenselessly, surrendering to your undeniable feelings for them despite the need for caution.

"I think..." you started breathlessly, "I've been waiting for you for much longer than those two weeks. Don't make me wait anymore."

You gulped as you stared into their eyes, your next word sounding barely above a sigh.

"Please."

Haruka's lips fell upon yours so fast that you gasped in surprise, followed by soft moans that erupted into each other's mouths. Their deep grunt rumbled in their chest under your palms as they pulled you in close, their arm clamping around the small of your back. Encased in the warmth of their body, you mewled at the way they cradled the back of your head to kiss you languidly.

You were melting into them, feeling the heat from your bodies intertwining as you gripped onto their shoulders for dear life. Their soft chest pressed against yours with desperation, leaving no room for air between you two as they caged you against the bike. Wrapped in their strong arms, you felt small and safe, left at the mercy of Haruka's unrestrained longing that you doubted there was an escape from.

But you didn't want to anyway.

"Fuck..." they huffed as their lips slid off yours, and you were finally able to gasp for breath. Their hands rested on your waist and back, fingers digging enough to keep you from floating away. Even so, you were lightheaded and almost dizzy, taken back by how passionately Haruka had consumed you within those few seconds.

You wanted them to go on forever.

Tugging at their shoulder, you cradled the nape of their neck and pressed your lips to theirs tenderly, eliciting a soft exhale as you moved to the corner of their mouth to kiss it lightly. You found their cheek, peppering it slowly and gently with all the affection and want that blossomed within you for their existence.

Haruka groaned softly and collected you in their arms, pulling you into a hug as they buried their nose behind your ear. They pecked the sensitive spot under your lobe, making you shudder breathlessly in their firm yet gentle grip. The relief and pleasure of feeling their hand rubbing up and down your spine was indescribable, and you gave into the urge of running your fingers into their soft and wavy hair, scratching their scalp softly with your nails.

They purred, still heaving as they tried to pull themself together in the comfort of your arms.

"This is better than I imagined," they admitted against your skin.

You stilled, wondering if you heard it right. "You were thinking about this?"

"A lot..."

They sounded genuinely embarrassed, and it made you feel giddy and mischievous.

"Didn't know I had such an effect on you," you teased.

They gently pulled away from your shoulder to look down at you with warning, but there was a glint of something playful in their eyes.

"Don't say it like I don't make you feel things either," they said. "You literally got angry when I didn't reach out to you."

"You left me hanging!" you scoffed as the pent-up annoyance crept in through your fingers that dug into their biceps. "Who the hell does that for two weeks, Haruka?!"

They smirked, brows furrowing as a shadow fell over their face that made evident a sinister flame in their pupils.

"You missed me that much, huh?"

You smacked them up the back of their head reflexively, causing them to laugh in surprise. Embarrassed and meek, you felt cornered by their statement, but it was too late to escape the confrontation.

"I did..." you grumbled, looking away from their teasing stare before they leaned in to peck your jaw and down your neck. They chuckled as they did so, unaware of how each kiss triggered an intense bloom of desire in your chest. You were hyperaware of their hands on your ribs, and how the tips of their thumbs rested just under your breasts as your chest flooded with something stronger than bliss.

Arousal.

Haruka's breath brushed down your cleavage as they left a lingering kiss on your collarbone, and your grip on their arms tightened.

"H-Haruka..." you gasped, and they stopped immediately to turn their head away, still leaning into you as one of their hands fell onto the bike to hold themself up.

They let out an agonized breath of restraint, groaning quietly as the palm on your rib slid down to your hip with a gentle pat. "I should take you home, Y/N."

"Already?" you said with a slight whine, wincing at how needy you sounded for a moment. Now that they were finally in front of you after so long, you didn't want to just let them get away.

Haruka cleared their throat and straightened up, looking at you with tenderness as they tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear.

"It's been hard to stay away from you the past two weeks," they said. "I need to take you back while I'm still in control of myself."

You gave them a quizzical look. "In control of yourself? What would you even do to me out here in the open? We're just kissing."

They raised their brows dubiously as their eyelids lowered sensuously, scanning your face with a heavy gaze.

"Don't tempt me, sweetheart," they muttered with a slight raspiness to their voice. "I don't know what I'm capable of if I'm pushed to my limit."

Your lips parted in surprise at the sudden change in their demeanor, but you didn't want to stop. A part of you wanted to challenge them, nudge them to the edge to see what they meant.

But you snapped yourself out of it and nodded, clearing your throat bashfully as you straightened yourself out.

"My best friend is at my place right now," you reasoned with yourself. "I gotta get back before she wakes up and freaks out. My phone's still back there with no battery, so she might even call the police."

Haruka nodded and reached for their gloves to pull them on as you turned your gaze back to the sea. The sun was now shining in its full glory, its light bouncing off the foam and waves of the sea, turning its surface into a rippling mirror. Fluffy white clouds floated lazily against the bright blue sky.

I'm their ocean, you thought wistfully, and they're the sun.

Two things that complemented each other in ways that kept everything on the planet perfectly balanced, and you hoped that the two of you would do the same for each other.

⋅ ⛢ ⋅

─────────────⋆⋅☆⋅⋆──────────── A/n: Honestly, I think Haruka has it in them to fuck you on the beach in broad daylight if it ever came to that lmfao. I was wondering if I should just write it in, but I'm not in the mood for smut atm.

What if I make another one shot focusing on the smut that comes after they drop you home? I could do a prequel one shot of the meet cute as well 🤔 [update: I did it lol]

Eh, we'll see. I'm taking it slowly since it's been a while I wrote anything for leisure. Still very rusty. Hope y'all enjoyed, though. ~ Miki | Myca ✧ ─────────────⋆⋅☆⋅⋆────────────

OH MY GOD MY FIRST REAL POST ON TUMBLR JSDHFKKJASDHFAJKH HAPPY PRIDE MONTH TO MEEE I'VE CELEBRATED WITH A HARUKA TENOH ONESHOT HEHE ENJOY

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